by Cathy Dellosa-Ng, as  originally published at the Philippine Online Chronicles

coloring1
Every child has had to go through the phase of indulging in coloring books like there’s no tomorrow. But at some point in life, we eventually outgrow these candy-colored hobbies and move on to other stuff—grown-up stuff. Or do we?

Adult coloring books are all the rage right now, whether it’s for stress relief or simply just to satisfy our inner child. Check out why this fad is such a hit among adults, and why you should join in on the fun, too!

Coloring makes the world go round

This unusual phenomenon is already taking over the world. The international bestseller lists are filled with adult coloring books, proving that what were once kiddie activities used to cheer people up in hospitals are now legitimate hobbies that even grown-ups can get into. There’s really no shame in that. According to Dover Publishing, they haven’t “seen a phenomenon like it in our 30 years of publishing.”

Illustrator Johanna Basford has been dominating the charts with her coloring books recently, including her bestselling Secret Garden: An Inky Treasure Hunt and Coloring Book and sophomore book Enchanted Forest: An Inky Quest & Coloring Book. But unlike our favorite coloring books from our childhood years, these adult versions feature more intricate patterns so that they can prove a better challenge for our so-called more mature minds. But even if you’re not into arts and crafts, or if you never really got over your “coloring past the lines” phase, these adult coloring books can still be extremely beneficial for you and your overall wellness.

“I’m a grown-up, but I still love coloring books,” says novelist Matt Cain. “If I switch off the phone, computer, and TV, and concentrate solely on choosing the right shade of blue, avoiding going over the lines and slowly filling up my page with color, all my other concerns, I’ve discovered, fade to nothing.”

Stop worrying—just keep coloring

coloryourstressaway 2

While you can color anything just for the heck of it (because watching colors bursting with life from your work is rewarding as it is), this seemingly ordinary activity can promote mindfulness and relief from stress. Illustrator Farrarons says that “In mindfulness, it is encouraged to break patterns in life by introducing variation to avoid the sensation of being on autopilot. Each page has been caringly designed with this in mind, so that the person coloring can hop at random from one pattern to the next. It reminds me of hours spent filling in scenes from a coloring book as a little girl. In the digital age that we are in, surely, it can only be a good thing to pick up a pencil and feel young again.”

“You’re giving your brain some space and something to focus on that’s meditative, that’s containing,” says art therapist Saba Harouni. Because grown-ups tend to rush through life from one deadline to the next, filling in the lines on a page with colors can help them focus, meditate, and slow down. “When coloring, we activate different areas of our two cerebral hemispheres. The action involves both logic, by which we color forms, and creativity, when mixing and matching colors. This incorporates the areas of the cerebral cortex involved in vision and fine motor skills,” psychologist Gloria Martínez Ayala says. “The relaxation that it provides lowers the activity of the amygdala, a basic part of our brain involved in controlling emotion that is affected by stress. It brings out our imagination and takes us back to our childhood, a period in which we most certainly had a lot less stress.”

Psychologist Antoni Martínez also agrees. “I recommend it as a relaxation technique. We can use it to enter into a more creative, freer state. I myself have practiced that. I recommend it in a quiet environment, even with chill music. Let the color and the lines flow.”

Where to get your fill (of colors)

coloryourstressaway 3 

Our local bookstores carry treasured coloring gems like Mid-Century Modern Mania (P525, Powerbooks) and Creative Therapy: An Anti-Stress Colouring Book (P650, Fully Booked). According to National Book Store’s managing director Xandra-Ramos Padilla, a myriad of options abound in National Book Store as well. “Adult coloring books are a global phenomenon. I, myself, enjoy coloring with my daughter or girl friends. I find it very relaxing. You can be creative with your color combinations. Part of the excitement is choosing which coloring materials to use.”

Mandala Magic: Amazing Mandalas to Color (P598, Fully Booked) can help you not only to fight off your stress but also to center your mind on the positive. “Art making is a powerful intervention. Neuroscientific research has shown that through the use of art therapy, the human brain can physically change, grow, and rejuvenate,” says art therapist Susanne Fincher. “I sometimes give clients one of my mandala coloring books for homework between sessions with me. Coloring mandalas can empower a client to manage thoughts and feelings on their own with the positive activity of coloring, instead of, for example, overeating or abusing substances.”

Pretty soon, you can also buy yourself an adult coloring book version of all the drama in Westeros. The popularity of adult coloring books has reached the great George R.R. Martin, so much so that Bantam books announced they would be publishing a mature Game of Thrones coloring book. It “will feature 45 original black and white illustrations, inspired by characters, scenes, locations and other iconic images from Martin’s wildly successful ‘A Song of Ice and Fire’ series,” says the company. Is it ironic that one should relieve stress by diving into the bloody world of Game of Thrones? We’ll find out soon enough later this year.

Now that you know how coloring books can be good for you, it’s time to hit the shelves. Don’t worry about being a perfectionist—coloring is supposed to relieve your stress, not add to it. Just choose whatever tool feels right to you, from colored pencils (Prismacolor and Muji have some good ones), colored highlighters, gel pens (remember your Pilot Tec-Pens?), colored markers, or a box of freshly sharpened Crayola crayons. Then, when you’re all set, sit yourself down and start coloring!

Sixteen long years have passed and I miss my brother so much. It was in August of 1996 that Oscar , my brother was first diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, or AML-M4. My family worked very hard to support Oscar in his search for a cure, spanning hours and hours of research and inquiries through the internet and electronic mail. The technological advantage resulted in many blessings, especially when he qualified for a clinical trial in the  National Institute of Health in Bethesda, Maryland. Oscar made the brave choice to undergo a stem cell transplant, knowing that there was a 50-50 chance he would survive, and that he had to take that risk. It was his second remission. Still, our family remained optimistic. My youngest sister was a perfect match.

my-brother leukemia
My brother at National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute, Bethesda, 1999

The stem cell transplant NIH, Bethesda, Maryland was a success but infection set in. Oscar died a few months after his stem cell transplant. Perhaps, my brother helped pave the way for stem cell therapy today.

Just before Oscar died, he told me “I am glad we didn’t have to spend all our inheritance”. The clinical trial in NIH was totally free except for board and lodging including plane fare. There was an option to go to Singapore and Israel but it would cost us 10 million pesos. You will have to remember that stem cell transplant was still so new then.

My brother’s struggle with leukemia, the stem cell transplant is one reason I want to share this new discovery.

Banking baby’s cord blood

I got to attend a forum about the CordLife Medical Philippines Inc. and it offers hope to those with history of cancers and other illnesses in the family.  Cord Life is a private cord blood banking facility provides a full suite of cord blood and tissue banking services including the collection, processing, testing, and cryo-preservation of cord blood stem cells and tissue. When I speak of stem cells, I am not referring to  controversial stem cell therapy from sheep or embryos. Cord blood is a rich source of Hematopoietic Stem cells (HSCs) which are responsible for replenishing blood and regenerating the immune system.

cordlife banking 2

The list of stem cell treatable diseases continues to grow at a rapid pace and parents may want to consider saving cord blood stem cells of their baby . As a parent, we want to protect our family. At your baby’s birth, you have the unique opportunity to safeguard the health of the ones you love by storing your newborn child’s cord blood stem cells. Though there is literature on “Why Save Cord Blood?” , it would help if a doctor would explain the importance of stem cell treatment. There are a wide range of diseases that are treatable with stem cells derived from cord blood and other sources of similar type of stem cells (Haematopoietic Stem Cell), like bone marrow and peripheral blood, including stem cell disorders, acute and chronic forms of leukemia, myeloproliferative disorders, and many more.

I will not explain anymore on the importance of stem cell treatment but you can read more about it from Makati Medical Center’s work on stem cell technology . (Makati Med is an active member of the International Society for Cellular Therapy (ISCT), a professional association that provides scientific and technical support for laboratories engaged in cellular therapy. It is also actively engaged in prospective clinical trials with US-based companies.)

Why store your baby’s cord blood?

If you could protect your newborn baby against these diseases in the future, would you do so? Why consider?

There are ten reasons to store your baby’s cord blood:

1. a biological protection for the whole family.
2. 100% match for your baby
3. Can treat more than 80 diseases including leukemia and lymphona
4. Benefit from future emerging treatments
5. Exclusive use for your family
6. Painless and risk-free to the baby and mother
7. Once-in-a-lifetime chance to collect
8. Higher chance to match vs. bone marrow transplants
9. Lower rejection rate in transplant
10. Peace of mind- immediate availability

The decision has to be made before the birth because the cord blood has to be stored right away after giving birth. You never know when you might need it or not. You wish you would never have to use it but at least you have something to go back to. Just like insurance.

Imagine, the possibility of looking for an exact match. It costs $30,000 and one has to be waitlisted for as long as two years. I know it might not seem so important to some parents but you might be more convinced if some of the conditions are true to you.

1. History of cancer
2. Cardiac problems
3. Difficulty having children (because getting a stem cell match might be more difficult. Out of 5 siblings, only 1 of us was a perfect match)
4. Mixed race have a unique genetic combination.

CordBlood Network protecting 3 generations

cord blood banking

Unlike other cord blood banks that provide basic cord blood banking for only your child, CordBlood Network, a Cordlife initiated programme will assist in the search for a matching cord blood unit should the need arise for your child, his/her legal guardians and maternal and paternal grandparents. With the CordBlood Network, you can now protect three generations of your family by storing your baby’s cord blood with Cordlife.

Storing your baby’s cord blood is a means of protecting the health of your child now,and into the future including your family . Of all the decisions a parent can make for their children , choosing to store their cord blood could turn out to be the most important. You can find out the different payment modes to fit your family budget.

Before checking out Cordlife , consult with your doctor to understand more about stem cell therapy and Cord Blood Banking.

Visit their website http://www.cordlife.com/ph/ to know more about Cord Blood Banking or contact them at (02) 470-1735/332 1888 or email info@ph.cordlife.com

Once upon a time….

You have a stockholder’s meeting on June 29 at the Mandarin Hotel. I placed the invitation on my daughter’s tables.

Both girls suddenly got interested. “a whaat?“. I started to explain.

Remember the college funds that you invested a year ago?

We will probably be the youngest in there. They chorused.

Though M. college tuition from 2005-2009 at UP averaged only 5,800 pesos ($109.00) while Lauren’s tuition from 2003-2007 Ateneo was 10 times or 52,227.00 pesos ($1,000), each girl invested equal amounts. Their college tuition funds were placed under their names to make them financially responsible. I remember when I was still the breadwinner during the first year of our marriage. An officemate urged me to purchase a college plan for Lauren who was not even a year old. I just didn’t believe in a college plan at that time. My financial reality focused on making ends meet. Butch was still at Law school and we had two little girls. I figured that my financial status would be similar to my dad. By the time the kids are in college, our financial situation should be much improved. I was very optimistic.

dream-come-true

Everything we had dreamed off materialized. My husband predicted that by the time the girls reached high school, he will have his own law office and we will have two homes. Life was good. I was a full time home maker never having to worry about finances. But nothing prepared us for the loss of our son . To cut the story short, by year 2004, our financial situation was at its deepest pit.  With Lauren’s help, we started a small web hosting reseller account in December 2002 by investing part of the award money given to her by the Cebu Civil court (see here). Only 16 years old, she had a popular online community to support her endeavor. Seeing that it had huge income potential, I offered to help her out. We became business partners. She covered the marketing aspect while I assisted in the management and technical aspect. By the time she was in college, she had significant savings which I invested for her.

Lauren ‘s entreprenurial initiative kept us afloat during those bleak months in 2004. I promised to repay her double the loaned amounts once I recouped our financial losses. By God’s grace, I was able to repay Lauren after a year. Since she was busy in college, I took control of her webhosting and expanded the services. The modest income helped pay for the college tuition including allowance. To provide educational funds is a parental responsibility not the child. I felt that our children shouldn’t have to face that financial burden . But she also worried that if she didn’t help out, she won’t be able to finish in Ateneo, When she travelled to the states on her own last year, she felt so guilty for using up part of her savings. I told her “Treat it as an educational trip. You deserve it”

my children

I love my children for learning to adapt to our family crisis. My second daughter helped out by reluctantly studying in UP Diliman. Her first choice was Ateneo. I felt bad at first that we could not provide the tuition money for her first year in Ateneo. Today, she is full of gratitude that she chose UP over Ateneo. See, there is always a silver lining.

Back at the family room, I lectured them on the advantages of attending this meeting, even at a young age.

Yes, we will go for the food“, the girls chimed in.

financial future

I was too complacent during those grieving years. I left all the financial burden to my husband. Today, taking responsibility for our financial affairs improved my self-esteem and lessened anxiety. Each of us today, has a financial future. There are few future aspects of my life I can control, but one part I can play to assist our family’s future is setting goals. I don’t have to obsess about my goals. I don’t have to constantly watch and mark our progress toward them. But it is beneficial to think about my goals and write them down. What do I want to happen in our financial future? What financial problems would I like to solve? What bills would I like to be rid of? What would I like to be earning at the end of this year? The end of next year? Five years from now? I know I am willing to work for these goals and trust God to guide me.

Taking responsibility for my finances enable me to take focus off money. It frees me to do my work and live the life I want. I deserve to have the self-esteem and peace that accompanies financial responsibility.

Some of the important lessons that can benefit children as they grow can be taught at home. Teaching kids to do chores is a rewarding experience not only for children but for parents as well. One of the significant roles of parents is to set a good example for their children.  Remember that young kids learn by observing and following their parents or guardians.  Be a good role model to your children by leading through example.

Children who are taught to do chores at an early age are more likely to have less trouble maintaining orderliness, cleanliness and consistency in their adult lives.  Being accountable for tasks builds character and develops sense of responsibility.  Kids who regularly do chores learn to help out around the house on their own volition.

This chart lists down chores that are appropriate for certain age groups. Please be reminded that the chart is just a guide.

chores_chart

Kids mature at a different pace. As a parent, you know the capabilities of your child better than anyone.  You should consider your child’s abilities and level of maturity when assigning tasks.

Here are some benefits of teaching kids to do chores.

Responsibility– It is important for children to experience a sense of responsibility and self worth by assigning tasks that are appropriate for their age. When you give your kids tasks, let them know that they are accountable to finish those chores within a specified time frame.  Kids who are given a sense of responsibility are likely to grow into well-rounded and successful individuals.

Sofia, 7 years old, sweeps their dining floor area after meals.  She knows that she needs to fulfill that task every day.  Her parents explained to her that sweeping the floor every day after meals is very important because it prevents pests from going to their house.  Sofia understands that failing to do her task might turn into an open invitation for cockroaches and mice to go inside their home.

“Eeeewww! I hate cockroaches and mice! I don’t mind sweeping the floor every day because it keeps us safe from those yucky invaders,” Sofia said.

Basic skills in life – As children grow, it is important that they learn how to handle basic tasks that will prepare them for adulthood.  Learning simple things such as helping fix the bed, putting away dishes, folding the laundry, sweeping the floor, and and so on will teach kids how to eventually do these things on their own.  Young kids can start with small chores.  Children can be given additional responsibility as they master current chores and grow older.

Self-reliance and independence – It is normal for parents to help and protect their children.  Parents should also remember that it is equally important to teach kids how to help themselves.  As kids grow older, there are chores that they can do on their own.  Teach children how to perform age appropriate tasks and encourage them to pursue their duties without being told.

Take note that most chores are not learned overnight.  It takes practice to learn tasks.  By allowing kids to perform age appropriate chores regularly, they can become self-reliant.

Rizza is a mom to 3 kids.  Several weeks ago, Rizza was forced to let go of their helper.  She is thankful to her young daughter for making things easier by helping her with some household chores.  Rizza taught her daughter how to cook simple meals at an early age.  At age 10, Reign can cook simple meals for the family.  Reign also helps wash the dishes without being told. Her parents can count on her to watch over her 2 younger siblings when they are busy. Reign is a reliable daughter and big sister.

Self-esteem– When a child completes a task, he or she may feel a sense of accomplishment or pride. Parents are encouraged to acknowledge their child’s efforts for doing a certain chore, no matter how small it is.

Abigail lets her 3 year old boy help her sort out laundry.  The little boy enjoys putting white clothes inside the white laundry basket and the colored ones inside the black laundry basket.  He thinks it’s a game but in reality it’s a simple chore that will help prepare him for bigger chores in the future.  Abigail claps each time her son completes his task. Abigail never fails to tell his son, “Good job Andre!” Then she plants a big kiss on his cheek.

Praising your child for a job well done can motivate your kid to pursue his or her duties and perform tasks better. Letting your child know that he or she is on the right track can inspire him or her to try other tasks. It’s a good way to boost your child’s self-esteem and confidence.

Cleanliness and organization – Kids who are exposed to chores at an early age learn to appreciate the value of keeping things clean and organized.  A clean and orderly environment is not only pleasing to the eyes but it is also conducive for working, studying and resting.  It’s easier to do your task when there is less clutter around you.

Time management –School-aged children are faced with multiple duties.  There are things that they need to do at home and in school. It is importance for a child to learn how to balance homework, projects, extracurricular activities, and house chores. Parents can help their child schedule tasks accordingly without succumbing to pressure. Teach kids how to prioritize tasks according to importance and allotted time.  As children grow older, they will understand how important time management is in the real world.

Team work– Children learn to value the importance of working as a group when they work together with their parents, brothers, sisters, and other members of the household in order to fulfill a common goal.  Kids realize that some tasks can be completed faster and easier when people help each other.

Reign, Mischa and Mateo share a bedroom.  Together, they fix their beds when they wake up in the morning.  To the delight of their parents, they also help each other put away toys and books that they used before going to sleep.

Consistency – Chores teach kids about the importance of doing things on a regular basis. For instance, kids learn that they have to perform certain tasks regularly especially if it involves a living thing such as feeding animals and watering plants.

Yohan, ten years old feeds his pet fish every day.  He knows that neglecting to feed his fish will make it weak and prone to sickness. He understands that he is accountable for the life of his pet fish.

Originally written by Ma. Rachel R. Yapchiongco at the Philippine Online Chronicles.

PAL bloggers event

I had so much fun at the #TravelPal Travel bug quiz night . Though my team did not win any prize, I actually won  the twitter contest with my tweet on my favorite destination which is San Francisco . I love that city because two sisters live there.  I left my heart in San Francisco, indeed.  Philippine Airlines (PAL) is the airline I actually take since it is a non-stop destination which is very convenient and less travel time. It is great that  PAL are now engaging bloggers and not just travel bloggers. It was great to be recognized as a blogger who travels who is just as relevant as travel bloggers. Thank you PAL.

PAL travel certificate

Speaking of those long-haul flights, moms will be delighted to know that PAL is bringing in SpongeBob SquarePants – one of the world’s most popular animated figures – to banner its Junior Jetsetter kits this year.

Juniorjetsetter LOGO

Now kids won’t get restless while waiting for the plane to arrive. The use of tablets can cause strain for long periods of time so it is good to have an alternative activity. The wholesome yellow sea sponge and his band of quirky friends from the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom bring their whimsical brand of humor to delight kids onboard PAL long-haul flights via the Junior Jetsetter activity kits.

PAL Junior Jetsetter_image 4

Children from 2 to 11 years old will be provided these kits to keep them engaged and entertained on lengthy flights of at least eight hours.

These include PAL services between Manila and North America (New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Vancouver, Toronto); Oceania (Honolulu); Australia (Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane); the Middle East (Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Riyadh, Dammam); and Europe (London).

PAL Junior Jetsetter_image 1

The kits come in two variants, and both contain a set of basic items – activity book, crayons, collapsible water bottle, and dental set of tooth brush and tooth paste – all packed in a colorful, easy-to-carry bag.

PAL Junior Jetsetter_image 3

But what will really kindle the kids’ imagination are creative items such as the 3D activity set with a pair of 3D glasses that allows them to watch SpongeBob come to life. There’s also the “fotobusta” puzzle game which comes with a magnifying glass to zoom in on hidden objects.

PAL Junior Jetsetter_image 2

Ingenuity is further encouraged by the static cling sticker board where kids can conjure up scenes using reuseable and removable stickers. Finally, a coloring puzzle picture frame lets them make a keepsake of their in-flight creations.

The new kits started appearing onboard PAL long-haul flights on May 2015.

Those long-haul flights with kids will be less hassle for parents with these delightful new Junior Jetsetter kits.

Too bad I missed the grand opening of Kidzania Manila at Park Triangle in Bonifacio Global City. I waited for this day. Oh well, let me share  the good news so you know what to  expect when you visit Kidzania Manila.

Where kids do big things

KidZania Manila is the ultimate role-playing environment where kids get to live out their big dreams. With 8,000 square meters of play space, kids aged 4-14 will now get to role-play grown-up roles and live out their dream careers. Isn’t that so much fun?

kidzania manila launch

KidZania is found all over the globe from Mexico to Tokyo to London and KidZania Manila is the 20th KidZania city in the world, and the first of its kind in the Philippines.

immigration office of kidzania

“We can’t wait for Filipino children to finally enjoy the unique role-play experience that KidZania Manila offers. Kids will play and learn together, figure out what makes a good city, and collaborate to help run their own community. Play at KidZania will spark dreams and imagination – empowering them to believe that they can make a better world,” says Maricel Pangilinan-Arenas, State Governor for KidZania Philippines.

kidzania fire department

KidZania’s tagline is “Get Ready for a Better World” and KidZania believes that realistic and imaginative role-play can promote change, inspire global citizenship, and build strong community awareness.

kidzania processing

KidZania Manila is a play city built to scale for children – complete with paved streets, transport system, and a functioning economy. Every detail is intended to project authenticity: from the activity itself, to uniforms and costumes, to the work gear and tools – and even the city interiors.

kidzania airplane

From police officer to recording artist to urban farmer, kids can choose from over 100 immersive role-play activities. They can become firefighters to the rescue, pilots off to adventures, or even paramedics who save lives. And when kids work, they earn wages in KidZania’s currency called “KidZos.” The more they work, the more they earn. Kids can choose to save or spend what they earn – just like in real life. What a great way to teach them about grown up life?

vpower gasoline

More than just a family entertainment center, KidZania Manila creates a kid-centric experience where kids are in charge. KidZania partnered with over 40 real-world brands who help bring realism to the kid-sized city, providing children with reality-based activities and skills that they can use in real life.

kidzania market

They can open their own bank accounts, attend classes in the university, file their taxes, shop for necessities at the supermarket, and even drive electric cars.

abscbn theater at kidzania

KidZania Manila is open 7 days a week, with one shift Mondays through Thursdays, from 9AM to 4PM, and two shifts on weekends (Friday to Sunday) and national holidays, from 9AM to to 2PM for the first shift and 3 PM to 8PM for the second shift. KidZania Manila is on soft opening starting August 7, 2015, with limited slots available.

For more details on ticket prices and booking, visit the KidZania Manila website at manila.kidzania.com. Online ticketing goes live on August 3, 2015.

 

 

 

Marriage is … the promise of love between two people and the explicit commitment to work to maintain that love no matter what obstacles life may bring.

wedding ring

Why prepare for a wedding when one should prepare for the marriage?

How cynical or is it being practical? One learns about marriage by actually being in one. Sure, there are signs to watch out for in An Ideal Husband. My husband was my boyfriend for 7 years but I never really knew him or what marriage entailed until I lived it.

Father Pat Connor spent decades of marriage counseling which led him to distill some “common sense” advice about how to avoid partners who would maul your happiness.

“Hollywood says you can be deeply in love with someone and then your marriage will work,” the twinkly eyed, white-haired priest says. “But you can be deeply in love with someone to whom you cannot be successfully married.”

The priest gave lectures for the past 40 years on ““Whom Not to Marry” to high school seniors, mostly girls because they seem more eager to understand.

You might wonder about the reliability of the priest’ observations but as I went through his list, I have to agree with the signs to watch out for. Let me go through the list and cite a few examples.

1. “Never marry a man who has no friends,” he starts. This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands.

I know of someone who ran away from her husband bringing nothing with her but her wallet. The husband (soon to be divorced) begged me to convince her to go back to him. He said “She was my life. She was my only friend”. I didn’t want to meddle with their affairs because the husband apparently called every friend. I was thinking “he just wants her back because he is lonely…no friends”. What a loser. Good thing, my friend pursued the divorce from her obsessive husband.

2. “Does he use money responsibly? Is he stingy? Most marriages that flounder do so because of money

“she’s thrifty, he’s on his 10th credit card.”

money in marriage

I can so relate to this. One of the marital fights with my husband in our early years of marriage was his non-frugal ways. I might have been the stingy one but since he was just a law student, I expected him to be more thrifty. It took more than 15 years for him to spend money wisely and 18 years before he completely allowed me to handle our financial affairs.

3. “Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your husband.

I don’t really know any doormat among my peers. I had a friend who had a doormat of a husband in their younger years. For some strange reason, their roles reversed when the husband retired.

4. “Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings? When he wants to make a decision, say, about where you should go on your honeymoon, he doesn’t consult you, he consults his mother.

If there is anything more annoying, is a mother-in-law joining your husband in a honeymoon. This happened to a close friend. Can I say that the in-law relationship was always rocky throughout their marriage? I am glad that my husband is not too attached to his mother. Of course, I give space when he wants to bond with his mother. It’s not that often so I don’t mind.


5. “Does he have a sense of humor?”

'My wife laughs at my jokes.' - 'You either have good jokes or a good wife.'

‘My wife laughs at my jokes.’ – ‘You either have good jokes or a good wife.’

 

My husband grew up in a family that didn’t laugh as much as my family did or so he tells me. I loved cracking jokes and laughing in stitches. My husband seemed such a killjoy at times. One day when his mother came for a visit, he told me to lower my voice or tone down my laughter because it might disturb her since she is not used to “noise”. I was mortified. In fairness to my mother-in-law, her hearing is just sensitive.

Now that we are over 30 years married, my husband has an awesome sense of humor that I cannot match.

6. A therapist friend insists that more marriages are killed by silence than by violence. The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive.

This is similar to my doormat example. I never imagined that this soft-spoken husband carried an affair. As a young girl, I thought this distant relative was a good and faithful husband because he was quiet. When I got married, this relative encouraged my husband to seek out girls for pleasure. How terrible. Of course, I found out about it because my husband was so appalled. (or appeared to be shocked to me)

quote-if-you-marry-the-wrong-person-for-the-wrong-reasons-then-no-matter-how-hard-you-work-it-s-never-anne-bancroft-11340


7. “Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him.
He’s a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he’ll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so.

A girl friend called off her wedding a few days before the wedding date. To her horror, she discovered her soon-to-be husband in the arms of another girl of a restaurant. Apparently the guy was just forced to marry my friend because his mother found her a suitable wife instead of his other girlfriend. A year later, the guy decided to tie the knot with my friend due to guilt. My friend nearly died in an accident and he blamed himself for it. I warned my friend that the guy won’t change his ways. She was so in love with him and thought marriage will change everything. Guess what? Five years after their wedding, the guy started an extra-marital affair with his girlfriend who apparently is his true love. They now have a child.

8. “Take a good, unsentimental look at his family . You’ll learn a lot about him and his attitude towards women.

mama boy

 

I think most men are “mama’s boy”. They never really get over being a son especially if the man is unable to nuture his inner child in his adult years. My husband was raised by two grandmothers in his formative years. You can just imagine how he sought maternal love, how his inner child was probably not nurtured well. Though not a “mama’s boy” in the strictest sense, I found out that he looked up to me as a “mother” and wife. I used to get annoyed, having to deal with another “child” but I got used to it.

9. Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being ,the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive?

473-romance-cartoon

The man whom NOT to marry should not be a control freak or wife beater. He is a basically a good human being.

As I looked through the list, it appears that most married couples experience these “Whom Not to Marry” advice at one point in their lives. I know I did. I probably knew what I was getting into but I knew I could handle the trials and challenges. The “Whom NOT to marry” list practically eliminates every male specie which now makes it impossible to seek the Ideal Man. However, it opens the eyes of young girls who plan to get married one day or to prepare themselves for the idiosyncrasies of their lifetime partners. I don’t know with the men but perhaps they can get a tip or two here.

Do you have any other “mostly common sense” advice?

marry the guy

my2babies-copy

I miss my babies! I remember getting excited as I bought them those cute baby clothes and trying it on them right away. My husband used to tease me “they are your dolls”. Dressing up our kids is a guilty pleasure of most parents. Choosing baby clothing is not simply considering the style. Safety should always be priority in selecting these pieces. Parents are blessed these days because there are is a wide variety of brands to choose from.

uniqlo baby

Though my cute little girls are now adults, I still want to catch up with the latest trend in baby and children clothing. UNIQLO babies collection offered a wide variety of stylish and safe clothing essential for babies. Following the global Oeko-Tex Standard 100, UNIQLO ensured that every piece of clothing is free of harmful substances and meets the highest standards. I got to view the collection at the second floor of the UNIQLO branch at SM Aura. I kept thinking , “if only, I could bring back the time and have my little girls wear these…”.

uniqlo baby 1

 

I am told that UNIQGLO Baby Wear are categorized as Class 1— the safest classification under the Oeko-Tex Standard from the raw material used to the finished product. Also, the clothes have to be formalin-free to ensure the health and safety of the babies.  Nine different baby clothing categories are available in 16 UNIQLO stores.

Now, Titos, Titas, Lolos, and Lolas will find it easier to shop for the little kiddo. They will feel assured that they are buying the clothing products that follow safety standards. The best quality control is applied to the smallest details of the baby range. While care labels are usually sewn inside clothes, UNIQLO places the label outside to prevent irritation. A special technique is als0 used to remove any unevenness on the cloth or thread to keep the skin of babies safe.  Babies ‘s little fingers can get entangled with these threads . Lastly the clothes undergo tests for more than 200 chemical substances during the planning and production stages.

Now that is commitment  of providing safe clothing for your babies. Who wouldn’t want to give the best to our babies?

Check it out mommies. Uniqlo’s BABIES collection are available at these Uniqlo branches: SM Megamall ; SM Aura ; SM North Edsa ; Powerplant Mall; SM Mall of Asia ; SM Makati ; Robinsons Magnolia and also in provincial outlets. SM Pampanga, SM Clark, Robinsons Manila, SM BF Paranaque, SM Southmall, Gateway, SM City San Lazaro.

written by Toni Tiu, as originally published at , “Tita of Manila” Mode: ON!, Philippine Online Chronicles

Being a Tita has never been this “in.”

“Tita” is what you call your Mom’s sister, your Dad’s female co-workers, basically any lady who’s a generation above you. But now, Tita is more than just a title or a term of endearment. It’s a mindset, a lifestyle, one that’s not reserved only for those in their late 30s or early 40s. I recall when being a Tita made you cringe as that meant you were truly much older than most folks in the room. That’s why I was surprised seeing my 30-year-old friend brand herself “Tita” on Instagram, sharing a picture of her wine glass as she stayed home Friday night at her condo. “Tita mode. Staying in for the night,” she captioned. Being called “Tita” may still make some cringe, but because so many women are embracing being a Tita and loving Titas, the cringe can be accompanied by a little joy. 

The Twitter account “Titas of Manila” hilariously captures Tita-isms and Tita behavior.

titas of manila

@TitasofManila Jun 1

(sees pamangkin wearing makeup) Wow artista!!

 

@TitasofManila May 14

* lines up at French Baker in Megamall for 50% discount on bread *

 

@TitasofManila May 13

*sees chubby pamangkin * Ay, napabayaan ka sa kusina, no? *kurot sa tiyan*

 

@TitasofManila Apr 16

You know the daughter of your Tita Susan graduated cum laude and she’s working in London now tapos ang gwapo pa ng asawa na mabait pa!

This is very much the typical Filipino Tita. From blatantly asking you about your weight gain to repeatedly asking you during family reunions when you will get married, this Twitter account captures the many Tita lines that irritate nieces and nephews everywhere. But it also captures the behavior and quirks that make Titas endearing such as not being able to resist eating butong pakwan or trying to figure out how to spring clean her collection of Fit-Flops. The personification of being a Tita is so endearing and amusing at the same time.

Buzzfeed has even published an article called 20 Signs You’re the Tita of Your Group. Funny signs include “You’re way too exhausted after a day out with friends.” (accompanied by an image of a body part with Salon Pas) and “You have a bag full of things your friends might need in case of emergency.” That is SO Tita.

Embracing Tita-ness

I’m in my late 30s, but even then I don’t feel like a Tita. However, three moments in the past month made me realize I was very much a Tita.

Incident Number 1. My officemate was complaining about a really bad headache. “You want to drink medicine?,” I asked her. “Sige, you have?,” she asked. I reached into my kikay kit and pulled out a banig of headache medicine. “O there, you get as much as you want,” I advised her. In the past, this behavior would be called being a Girl Scout. Now it’s being a Tita.

Incident Number 2. Air-conditioning in the meeting room dies. It is really hot. I reach for my bag and take out my pamaypay and begin fanning myself furiously. I realized I was the only one in the room doing that and slowly put down my fan. Abaniko in my bag? So Tita. But hey, at least I didn’t have to suffer the heat in silence.

Incident Number 3. My husband and son got me a present for Mother’s Day. Upon opening the box, I saw it was a pashmina. I LOVED it. As I wrapped the beautiful red pashmina around my shoulders, I also realized that I felt very much like a Tita at that moment. (That moment also made me realize that one can’t have enough pashminas. I want one in basic black and another in navy blue, please.)

shawls-14458_640Shawls in all colors? Call your Tita! This can be her happy place!

Being a Tita has never been this “in” because of how social media has helped make Tita-isms endearing. It’s a good thing. In Filipino culture, a Tita can be our second Mom or a mentor. Titas may have their irritating moments, but for the most part they’re really just looking out for us. When they tease you about your weight gain, they sincerely want you to be more conscious about your health. When they ask about your marriage plans, they sincerely want you to fall in love and find that “forever” of yours. In or not, at the very least, you can always count on the Tita of your group to have food in her bag.

Early this year, my daughter asked me “Have you heard of pandora bracelets ?” The brand sounded familiar to me but I didn’t bother to check it out. She explained that Pandora made charm bracelet a trend.

The idea of Pandora bracelet is to get charms that represent your life story. I love the idea of a bracelet that is customizable. I own a gold charm bracelet which I bought in Thailand but the charms were set.  Though Pandora is mostly in silver, it is  expensive in the Philippines but I figured if I acquire the charms slowly, it won’t be painful on the pocket.

pandora, story of my life

The opportunity came during our 30th wedding anniversary last May.  My dear husband bought me the silver collier, the Bride & Groom Charm, two fancy pink sparkling hearts spacers and two heart silver clips.  Naturally, the bride and groom tells the story of our 30 years of marriage and the seven years as sweethearts for a total of 37 years together as a couple. Now that is such a big feat considering I nearly wanted to call it quits .  Hearts symbolize our love and the love of family.  It also depicts my favorite quote,  love never dies.  May is also the month when our beloved Luijoe went to heaven.  I added the “Love and Guidance” Angel wing  silver dangle with 14K heart charm to symbolize my son who is now an angel.  I will continue to keep Luijoe’s memory alive in my heart and in my mind since it is a very important part of who I am today. I want his memory to live on forever and for Luijoe to never be forgotten. This is the story of those hearts and the wing charm. I loved it but it felt my bracelet needed more charms.

my birthday gift

I told my daughters and dear husband that my bracelet lacked two girl charms to signify my two daughters. “Hint, hint”. I showed them my wishlist.

pandora wishlist

…and the brochure that the Pandora branch in EDSA Shangrila gave me.

love and guidance

Surprise! On my birthday last month, my husband surprised with a girl silver charm and a a pink glass ribbon charm. My second daughter got me a the dangle girl dangle charm.  My girls… I wish they will always be with me to love and to hold but I know at the same time, I know I needed to step back and watch then fly high and free. Now they have flown their wings and I am left with an empty nest. But the two girl charms will always remind me that they are close to my heart.

girl charms from pandora

My eldest girl  got me the “Mothers of the World Charm”.  One of the biggest life-changing event in 2013 was when my kids left home to live independently from us. This charm  reminds me that my children will always be in my heart because home is where the heart is .

mum pandora

Each charm means something close to my heart.  I will add more but for now…This is my Pandora bracelet  , the story of my life.

my pandora bracelet 1

 

Here is the gallery of my Pandora charms and bracelet