““A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.” Mahatma Gandhi
“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.” – Dr. Napoleon Hill
Whenever something bothers me, I keep reminding myself that we cannot control people’s actions, attitudes and even events. I label it as the Three P’s (People, Places and the Past). The only thing we can control is our attitude. But it isn’t that easy. One of the choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think and using our mental energy in a positive way.
Positive thinking can be extremely difficult in stressful situations. Positive thinking does not mean thinking in an unrealistic matter or reverting to denial. If I don’t like something, I respect my own opinion. If a problem hits me, I am honest about it. If something isn’t working out, I accept reality. I don’t have to dwell on the negative portions of my experience. So here I am affirming what is good in my life.
April 3 is the 16th death anniversary of my younger brother, Oscar. He died from a failed stem cell transplant. He was only 40 years old. Oscar was diagnosed with Acute myeloid leukemia (AML-M4) on September 1, 1996. Getting sick of leukemia is a logistical nightmare especially if one is looking for blood type AB donors.
A caricature of my brother in 1982 when he managed our bakeshop, Sally’s Home Bake Shop
Our family worked diligently to support Oscar in his search for a cure, spanning hours and hours of research and inquiries through the internet and electronic mail. Research revealed that Oscar needed a stem cell transplant upon remission but unfortunately, he relapsed before we found a hospital within our budget. Cost of stem cell transplant ranged from 7 to 20 million pesos in 1998. The cheapest transplant was in Israel. To raise funds for his transplant, we put one of our properties for sale.
Fortunately, Oscar was eligible to participate in a Clinical trial at the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute (NHLBI) in Bethesda, Maryland. My sister’s friend who worked in that institute informed us of the clinical trial which was already in Phase 3. This phase is the second to the last step prior to making it a protocol among doctors. The stem cell transplant , medicines and hospitalization were free. Luck was also on our side because my sibling-doctor was an exact tissue match. The hospital required us to raise money for his board and lodging outside the hospital. Total budget for the 6 month stay was estimated to reach only 600 thousand pesos. Everything seemed perfect.
Oscar made the brave choice to undergo a stem cell transplant, knowing that there was a 50-50 chance he would survive, and that he had to take that risk. (View videotape of his reflections after the transplant )
The stem cells never had a chance to grow because of sepsis. After 6 months in NHLBI, the doctors sadly announced that he had to return to the Philippines. I guess the doctors decided they couldn’t do anything for him so they sent him home. Oscar, thin and black from the radiation treatment arrived on March 29, 1999. I held his frail hand and prayed quietly that God deliver him from his pain.
He smiled at me ” At least, we did not have to spend our inheritance to pay for my treatment”
We talked until he was tired. Knowing his days were numbered, I slept beside him that night .
Oscar held on to the hope that there was a chance to recover . Inspite of his optimism, he prepared for his death. He videotaped instructions for his two sons on how to run his lechon business, deposited college funds , dictated his last will and testament and discussed other matters.
On April 3, 1999, Oscar suffered a brain hemorrhage and died a few hours later.
When a sibling dies, all future special occasions will be forever changed. There will be no more shared birthday celebrations, anniversaries, or holidays. There will be no telephone calls telling of the milestones of a nephew or niece. The sharing of life’s unique and special events will never again take place.
In tribute to the memory of my brother, I created a memorial site which includes midi files of his compositions and some photos and legacies. I can just hear him playing his award-winning musical piece, Pangarap ng Musmos which is now a church song. Oscar is having a blast playing the piano with my son, my mom, dad and Ruben, another brother in heaven.
This article also goes by the alternative title: “Hugot lines from graduation/commencement speeches of famous celebrities.”
I know the feeling. There is always that yawning and obsessing over the ticking of the clock while your seatmate’s tummy is obviously ruminating on what to eat after the ceremony. But every so often, someone actually interesting is invited to deliver a few notes of wisdom and quiet the tummy rumbles and sighs.
These speeches from famous celebrities deliver all the feels.
Jim Carey (to the graduates of the Maharishi University of Management in Fairfield, Iowa)
“Like many of you, I was concerned about going out into the world and doing something bigger than myself, until someone smarter than myself made me realize that there is nothing bigger than myself,”
“My soul is not contained within the limits of my body; my body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul.”
Who would have thought Jim Carrey can turn a commencement speech into a biology blurb? Did you know that he also received an honorary degree of doctor of fine arts during the ceremony? It was indeed some kind of an awesome show and tell!
Stephen Colbert (to the graduates of Northwestern University, 2011)
“Thankfully dreams can change. If we’d all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses. So whatever your dream is right now, if you don’t achieve it, you haven’t failed and you’re not some loser – but just as importantly – if you do get your dream, you’re not a winner.”
Leave it to Stephen Colbert to make the normal drag of a graduation day into something entertaining!
Steve Jobs (to the graduates of Stanford University, 2005)
“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And, most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.”
Mr. Jobs delivered this to the students of Stanford a year after he was diagnosed with cancer. The speech is an impassioned and candid commencement address about getting fired from work, following your dreams, and living fully.
Amy Poehler (to the graduates of Harvard, 2011)
“I can only assume I am here today because of my subtle and layered work in a timeless classic entitled Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.”
Amy offered the graduates words of wisdom gathered from her own life experience. She urged them to count on others and take to heart the knowledge that the world is filled with smart people. Her good grasp of the human folly helps her deliver her perfectly timed and non-cruel punchlines. Now, who wouldn’t love this lady?
Bono (to the graduates of the University of Pennsylvania, 2004)
“I hope you’ll pick a fight and get in it. Get your boots dirty, get rough, steel your courage. Make one last primal scream, and go. Sing the melody line you hear in your own head. Remember, you don’t owe anybody any explanations. You don’t owe your parents any explanations. You don’t owe your professors any explanations.”
Don’t you wish Bono talked at your graduation?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erLem1Zijmo
Oprah Winfrey (to the graduates of Harvard, 2013)
“Build a résumé that doesn’t simply tell a story about what you want to be, but who you want to be.”
What’s the queen of talk’s Ivy League advice to the graduates? Make your resume a story about your purpose!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMWFieBGR7
J.K Rowling (to the graduates of Harvard, 2008)
“The weeks of fear and nausea I have endured at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners, and convince myself that I am at the world’s largest Gryffindor reunion.”
Eight (8) year after her visit, people still talk about her speech and still find inspiration in it. Publisher Little Brown will even release the speech as a book!
Ellen Degenneres (to the graduates of Tulane, 2009)
“And I thought, what if they find out I’m gay? Then they’ll never watch… I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear, that I just couldn’t live that way anymore and I decided to come out… It wasn’t to make a political statement, it wasn’t to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest… I lost my career. The show was cancelled after six years. The phone didn’t ring for three years. I had no offers. Nobody wanted to touch me at all. Yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide, but didn’t because of what I did. And I realized that I had a purpose. And it wasn’t just about me and it wasn’t about celebrity… I was offered a talk show. And the people that offered me the talk show tried to sell it… Most people didn’t want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me. Really, when I look back on it, I wouldn’t change a thing. I mean, it was so important for me to lose everything, because I found out what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself. Ultimately, that’s what’s gotten me to this place. I don’t live in fear, I’m free; I have no secrets and I know I’ll always be OK, because no matter what, I know who I am.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glauQaj0x6I
Sandra Bullock (to the graduates of the Warren Easton Charter High School, 2014)
“The rule is, you have to dance a little bit before you step out into the world because it changes the way you walk. It changes the way you walk out in the world.”
She went on to share the thoughtful bits of advice she says she’s been giving to her son, 4-year-old Louis.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCz1tfT4WtI
10. Peter Dinklage (to the graduates of Bennington College, 2012)
“The world might say you are not allowed to yet. I waited a long time out in the world before I gave myself permission to fail. Please don’t even bother asking. Don’t bother telling the world you are ready. Show it. Do it.”
His speech is only 28 minutes long. But frankly, this could inspire anyone. This man made good life choices!
*“The graduates” by Luftphilia courtesy of Flickr. Some rights reserved.
I have a lot of dreams for my children. It is my hope that our country will change for the better. I have hopes that our future politicians will do their jobs and “walk the talk”. As a mother, all I want is a better future for my children. Most mothers want this.
I know some of you may think that our country is hopeless and even as a mother, we can feel helpless at times. It can be disheartening. I am not helpless. We are not really helpless. I can solve most of my problems. I have the power to solve the problems that is mine to solve. In my own little way, I contribute to the society through my children and using social media tools to advocate social change for social good.
I believe that hard times can motivate us to bring out our best. That choice is ours. We don’t need to have stress or hard times to change ourselves but if it happens, we can learn to channel it into achieving what’s good in our life.
While some issues are outside our control, I want to know what Filipino women want and for our government to know these issues and act on it.
International Women’s Day 2015 Theme is MAKE IT HAPPEN. All around the world, International Women’s Day represents an opportunity to celebrate the achievements of women while calling for greater equality. Make It Happen is a wonderful theme to encourage effective action for advancing and recognising women.
Various organisations identify their own International Women’s Day theme, specific to their local context and interests . The Philippines very own Gabriela Philippines initiated the hashtag campaign #PinaysWantNow. What do #PinaysWantNow?
A break, a warm shower, or a hug? An end to violence, poverty and injustice? Let the world know what you want, what women want, what Filipinas want. A day before March 8, International Women’s day, Gabriela started tweeting and sharing infographics like this one below:
Some of the tweets talked about gender equality, a HAPPY HOME with no economic crisis, end to rape and other sexual abuses , end of poverty, a safer country for our kids, safety and security in public spaces and public transport. Others called for the resignation of President Aquino and truth and accountability. Gabriela calls for ” System Change, not just piecemeal reforms, revolving door politics.”
A world where “babae ka” (you’re a woman) is no longer used as an admonition;
A world where men and women imbibe the best of their “learned” traits and help each other do away with unjust, discriminatory habits;
A world where their children’s lives are no longer interrupted by war;
A world where their partners no longer have to leave to fight for a better world;
A world where one’s sexual orientation is no longer “news” and civil status no longer matters;
A world where language is no barrier to the poor taking part in democratic discourse and decision-making;
A world where men and boys take pride in the ability to weep;
A world where women do not have to be imitation men to succeed.
An end to domestic violence;
An end to the mindset that says some people deserve “rape” — or worse;
An end to prejudice against age or gender in the workplace;
An end to the belief that motherhood is a barrier against productivity.
Photo via Gabriela. Some rights reserved.
How do we make all our calls for change to happen? How will we make it happen? The #PinaysWantNow won’t end on Women’s Day. Not many of us can go to the streets like the strong and courageous Gabriela women. If we can, why not? But for most of us who can’t leave our homes , social media is a tool to advocate social change for social good. Not everyone is born to be an organizer or want to participate in all activities in a community. It is important to start a community even if it is online and maintain a core group to set a single, focused goal to provide direction, motivation and operational guidance.
Using social media as a tool for advocacy works because of “low (or no) hard costs for set-up; potentially wide reach; quick/instantaneous sharing of messages; new opportunities to listen, engage, and monitor your progress.” Let’s continue to push the messages of #PinaysWantNow today and tomorrow until we have achieved the changes we want.
My husband caressed my protruding belly and felt our baby move. His smile turned to a frown as he knitted his brows, ““We need to pack up and move to the mountains.” I stood up and responded, “No, we’re staying put. I know something good will happen. I just know it.” My stubborn refusal started a minor spat when he remarked about my naivete that a civil war will soon erupt because then President Marcos will make sure he will still rule the country.
A few days after on February 22, 1986, my heart raced when I heard over the radio that Juan Ponce Enrile holed up himself at Camp Aguinaldo. There is hope, I thought. I couldn’t help getting worried though. Will the dictator budge? Will there be a civil war?
Then the call for People Power came. I told my husband he has to go. Fighting the dictatorship was a struggle I fought for as a student at the state university and felt sad I could not participate in this one big rally.
I prayed, listened, and moved around the house for the rest of the days. On February 25, 1986, I felt my baby tumble with joy inside my belly as the announcement from the radio blasted out that indeed Cory Aquino was our new president. That baby, Lauren, is now a 28-year-old lady turning 29 next month. It’s been 29 years since my joy came in a stream of tears. There were many reasons worth crying for , a sigh of relief from the threats of a civil war, the challenges facing the new President, for the citizenry who finally showed the courage to challenge the Marcoses.
I smiled and touched my belly gently, assuring my unborn baby that she will now be born in a democracy. I loved our new president. She offered hope to the future of my baby. As a new mother, I desired nothing else but peace, not the turmoil that was about to explode with the cheating of the elections done under a dictatorial regime.
A year after People Power 1, I dressed up my little Lauren with a “People Power” shirt. I can’t help feeling sad , sometime tearful at the situation we are in right now. No real change except a change in trapos, and oligarchs. I often ponder, What will the future of my children be like in the Philippines?
My second daughter came in September 1987, a few days after a coup attempt threatened our fragile democracy. My two girls are EDSA 1 babies, just like the millions of others aged 24 to 29 years old who have no memories of those glorious People Power days.
It is not surprising that an entire generation born after EDSA 1 are the vibrant youth. President Noynoy Aquino believes it is very important to engage our youth ““when it comes to the EDSA 1 celebration… to explain to them what it meant to our democracy and to pass on to them the spirit of the revolution.”
How do I exactly explain the spirit of EDSA 1 that I want my babies to pass on? Twenty-nine years later, a new era of democratic politics in the Philippines arrived. Progress has been slow. The fault does not lie with the People Power Revolution or with Filipinos as a people. The full potential of our country has yet to be tapped.
The spirit of EDSA 1 showed our capacity for greatness and willingness to sacrifice for the country’s good. It is inherent in each one of us. I thought it was enough to have a wonderful president and let her do the job. I failed to be vigilant, remaining apathetic about politics. I know now that the hope of our country lies in an empowered citizenry. It is so easy to sit in the comfort of our couch and rant as each new problem faces us in front of the television screens. I constantly discuss with my two girls about the critical issues that our country faces. Not only do I discuss about them, but I also participate actively in specific causes such as supporting the Reproductive Health Bill or pushing for the passage of the Freedom of Information Act. My EDSA 1 babies have taken it upon themselves to be involved in their own capacity, with no prodding from my side.
To my dear EDSA 1 babies, and to parents who want to pass on the spirit of the People Power revolution, the power lies in you. There is only one power that can face and surmount the misuse and abuse of the powers of the presidency and that is the power of an aware, vigilant and organized citizenry. If we won’t try to know what is happening to our country, nothing will also happen to us. People need to know how things are being run by those in power. If they see something is wrong, they should be able to bring it to light. Start discussing issues with your children. Participate in an advocacy that you are passionate about, be it in reproductive health, pork barrel, cybercrime law, voters education, freedom of information or any cause that is good for our country.
It’s time we all stood up and do our share. Stand up and be counted. The hope of the country lies in you, the power of an active citizenry.
““I don’t have any formula for ousting a dictator or building democracy. All I can suggest is to forget about yourself and just think of your people. It’s always the people who make things happen.” Corazon Aquino
Sometimes, you need more than conventional wisdom and obvious advice to get yourself back on track. These productivity hacks might seem strange, but they can help not only to jumpstart your life, but make it big out there. You guys are open to pitch in. Leave tips you swear by in the comments section below.
WHEN WORK IS BORING.
#1: DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB JUST YET.
I’ve no idea how many internet stories you’ve read on how some successful person quit their job or got fired and dove straight to another company or launched an impromptu backpack adventure to the Amazon jungle. Mindlessly quitting your job without a plan isn’t really a wise thing to do. You may feel liberated, but the lack of income can really take its toll on your finances, especially if others are depending on you. Come up with a plan or have enough savings to tide you over for the short-term future, THEN, quit. Quit your job ONLY when it makes sense.
#2: TRY THE ONE-MINUTE RULE.
This is a pro-tip from Happiness Projectauthor, Gretchen Rubin. The rule states that you should do anything that presents itself, right away, as long as you can do it in a minute. This means doing any task—from wiping off eraser crumbs from your desk, to filling in a form, to answering an email in a minute or less. According to Rubin, this rule is very effective in getting things done because it keeps all those small thing, nagging tasks under control. If done right, it can make your life more serene and less overwhelmed.
#3: BUILD YOUR OWN MUSIC FORTRESS.
On a lazy day inside your gloomy office cubicle, there’s nothing better to do than to listen to thissong. Feel inspired to launch into your own little happy dance after.
WHEN RELATIONSHIPS ARE, UM, COMPLICATED.
#1: TURN SOMETHING UPSIDE DOWN.
Turning something upside-down, whether physically by flipping a piece of paper around or metaphorically re-imagining the process can help you see patterns that wouldn’t otherwise be obvious. The human brain has a bunch of pattern-making habits that often obscure other, more subtle patterns at work. You might want to ponder what a relationship issue or problem would look like if the least important outcome were the most important, and how you’d try to solve it then. Changing the orientation of things can hide the more obvious patterns and make other patterns emerge.
Relationships CAN be as easy as making pancakes.
#2: TAKE A SHOWER AND SLEEP ON IT (WHEN HAVING AN ARGUMENT WITH SOMEONE).
A lot of people swear by these! Maybe there’s some kind of weird psychic link between doing relaxing things and good anger management. Why does it work? Maybe it’s the soft sheets and olive-scented pillows, maybe it’s the warm water relaxing you, or maybe the fact that your mind is on other things. Whatever it is, it’s a mystery!
#3: TRY TO NOT USE THE PHONE WHEN HAVING DINNER WITH FAMILY.
I am late in my twenties. Like all yuppies out there, I am having a hard time not looking at my phone for an hour or so. But when I do leave my phone alone and look at my family while we’re having dinner together, you can see my them light up. Also, they become a lot more talkative and livelier.
#4: BRAG.
Describing why and how you got a stable career after college is the new COOL. I won’t go deep here as you probably get it already. But believe me, it works!
WHEN YOU’RE GOING THROUGH A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS (let’s talk about when you’re smack dab in the middle of one!)
#1: ASK A CHILD FOR SOLUTIONS.
Children think and speak with disregard to convention and that is often helpful to us, adults.
Ask a child how they might tackle a problem, and you might be surprised how uncomplicated a thing is in their eyes. This doesn’t mean that you have to dash out and build a rocket ship because a child told you so—the idea isn’t to do what the child says, but to walk your own thinking into a more unconventional path.
Sometimes, non-conformity is cool. Just don’t let the humans and chief get you.
#2: READ ABOUT THE COSMOS AND DISCOVER HOW SMALL YOU ARE.
The universe is huge and you are tiny. Now, think about how the earth seems in comparison to you. Think about how even in this universe, the earth, the other planets, our sun, are just specks inside the huge dust of it all. You will be surprised to know that there are 300 billion other stars in our tiny corner of space. This 209-second video will make you question your life and your existence. Out of the quadrillions of creatures in this planet, we’re the only ones with soul and awareness of all these. This awareness allows us to create and understand, tread on this world lightly, and ultimately connect to something higher.
#3 HANG OUT WITH SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE.
I am not suggesting you dump the old ones, just add more to your list. Seek out successful, bright, funny, interesting, wonderful women (or men) and make them your friends for unselfish reasons.
#4: STOP READING INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES.
Depending on what you feel the day you read them, inspirational quotes can be misleading sometimes. Stop regurgitating these self-help clichés and do the actual work instead. You might find this article helpful.
by Ma. Rachel Yapchiongco as originally posted at the Journaling For The Soul, Philippine Online Chronicles.
Never underestimate the power of blank pages and a pen. They can immortalize thoughts, preserve memories and create lasting impressions. Think of a journal as a window to your soul. You can write whatever you want. You can share your thoughts, ideas, secrets, feelings, worries, fears, dreams, and more.
Journaling is a process of self-reflection. It lets you share a big part of yourself without worrying what others may think or how others would react.
Time flies so fast. Each day passes by like a blur. You can keep those memorable moments by writing them down on paper. In this digital age, it is now possible to create an online journal but writing by hand seems more special and intimate.
Use your journal to share day to day experiences. It feels good to share happy moments and little triumphs in life. But life is not always a bed of roses. We all have our own share of ups and downs. You can write about the good and bad times. Sometimes it helps to write down things that made you cry or drove you to get mad.
Here are some tips to help you start your own personal journal.
Find an ideal time and place to write. Write on your own time. There are people who prefer to write in the morning when it’s quiet and peaceful. Others like to write before going to bed so they can reflect on things that happened that day. Find the best time that works for you.
Look for a comfortable place where you can write without interruptions. Most people like to write at home but you are free to write somewhere else like a public library, park or coffee shop. It is all up to you.
Keep your journal personal and private and keep it in a safe place. That way, you don’t have to worry about someone else reading your most intimate thoughts and feelings.
Keep your journal simple. Begin by getting a new journal. Dealing with a blank page can be a little overwhelming especially if you’re new to journaling. Keep an open mind.
The good thing about making a journal is the freedom. There are no rules. You don’t have to be concerned about format, grammar, spelling, or how legible your handwriting is.
Sit down and think of what you want to share. Just keep it simple. The purpose of journaling is to reflect about yourself and not to impress others .
Don’t be afraid of making your first entry. There is no need to feel pressured on filling an entire page. You can write a few lines and reserve the rest of the page for another day.
Decide what you want to write on your journal. A good way to start your journal is to reflect about your life. Ask yourself if you are happy and satisfied with your life.
You can write about things that happened on a particular day. Focus on the highlights of your day. Reflect on things that you are grateful for. It can be as short as five things or as many as you can think of. Prioritize quality and not quantity.
Share simple happy moments that you might forget later on. Writing about a moment preserves it into a lasting memory. Several years from now, you can go through your journal and reminisce about the good old days. You’ll be glad that you took time to write down those precious snippets of happiness.
When you travel or visit a new place, you can share about your experience.
As you get more inspiration in your journaling, you’ll likely find it easier to write more entries from the heart. Journaling for the soul brings out the deeper essence of writing. Make your journal an intimate connection to yourself. Write down goals or plans. Express your innermost thoughts and emotions. Share feelings of love, happiness, sadness, excitement, despair, aspirations, hope, and even thoughts of hopelessness.
You can also draw or put photos on your journal. Some people find it easier to express themselves through drawing or sketching.
There will come a time when you look back at your journal and appreciate how you’ve grown and developed as an individual. Journaling also gives you an opportunity to learn from mistakes and reflect on difficult situations to make you stronger and wiser.
Be consistent in journaling. Try to spend a moment each day to write your journal entry. Encourage consistent journaling until it becomes a welcome habit. Write thoughts and feelings while they are fresh. It is easy to lose the raw feelings and inspiration if you postpone your writing for another day.
Sometimes life can become too hectic and busy. If there comes a time when you miss an entry, do not be too hard on yourself. Just jump right back to journaling.
When you enjoy writing, journaling becomes something to look forward to rather than a task that you need to finish. Learn to embrace the joy of journaling for your soul.
It was sometime January 2004 as I was wheeled through the Operating room of the Philippine Heart Center for an angiogram procedure. Three doctors told me that my heart had blocked arteries and I will need an angioplasty. Two diagnostic tests revealed the necessity for an angioplasty. At that time, all I could think of was the expense, something like 500,000 pesos ($10,000). As I hovered between sleepy state and consciousness , I remember thinking that it was alright to die. I would soon be rejoined by my son. No big deal. As I lay there on the operating table, my cardiac surgeon motioned me to watch the procedure on the TV screen. The sight of my beating heart made me queasy . A few minutes later, the surgeon announced “There is no blockage”
I sought for my sister, a doctor who watched the procedure. She confirmed that I didn’t need angioplasty.
I found out that I had a “spastic heart” which didn’t require an angioplasty. My grief during the past 4 years took a toll on my heart.
In the recovery room over 11 years ago, I mulled over the death of my son . Life did go on even if my heart was broken. I didn’t know how physically broken it was. Our heart is fragile even if the heart muscles are strong. It goes on beating even during the darkest hours . When devastation made its mark , it felt like my heart would never know joy again. The diagnosis awakened something in me. God had given me another chance in life, perhaps to help others or continue to give love to others. One thing I knew for certain, that day marked my road towards a healthier grief journey. I discovered that the heart mends itself, but not like before. There is a scar in my heart which will always remain there. There is a tender spot inside where once the gap was wide. It is healing.
I am grateful that my heart is healing . I am grateful to be alive to give love and receive love.
Happy Love Day to all.
—–
My precious Valentine’s Day Memory. Though death has taken you away from me, my son, my love for you will never die. Love never dies.
“To love and to be loved by you, our child,…an honor and so blest,
Our time on earth cut short, it’s true … But We Sealed It With a Kiss.”
I never realized the value my children placed on their toys until M. interviewed me for her research paper a few years ago on “Toys and Games I played with” for her Psychology course.
She said “Thank God mom for the girly and not so girly toys”.
In this day of digital toys and gadgets, I believe parents should never forget that the best toys for children are ‘open-ended’. Such toys encourage children to play using imagination, creativity and problem-solving skills such as
blocks – one day your child uses them to build a tower, and the next day he might bring the block up to his ear and pretend it’s a phone
balls – they’re great to bounce, look at, roll, hold and throw
cardboard boxes – these can stand in for so many things, including pretend shop counters, ovens, cars, boats and doll houses
dress-ups- with some hand-me-down clothes and bits of fabric, your child can become anything or anyone he likes
crafty bits and pieces – coloured paper, stickers, crayons and washable markers can get your child started on a masterwork.
I recall my childhood days and the fun my siblings and I had when we used a chair as our “car”. We pretended the carton box of the refrigerator was a small doll house.
I chose their toys wisely because we didn’t have substantial income when the kids were younger. My husband was still at Law School when the 2 girls were born. I bought toys that nurtured their imagination and creativity. Whether it was toys classified for boys or for girls, I chose it for its educational value.
L. and M. loved Lego blocks. They had lots and lots of LEGO blocks. They had the larger DUPLO blocks when they were toddlers. At that time. Lego was sold in disassembled bricks, so they were free to create any figures their young minds could imagine. Even until the age of 9, they spent all afternoon ignoring their Barbie dolls and instead built fortresses, houses, schools and whatnot. No wonder, I gave the Barbie Dolls away to my younger nieces. It was gathering dust.
At the age of 5 or 6, I bought Polly Pockets during a trip to Hongkong’s Toys-R-US. Polly Pockets were cute tiny boxes that fit in my girl’s tiny pockets. Inside contained a miniature house with a miniature doll slightly larger than a nail. Each house was unique. I bought 7 of those and the girls created a little village. I still kept these toys and I just found out they are valuable today. But I noticed the entire population of the village was female. Until Max moved into the neighborhood.
Mighty Max shared the same concept with Polly, pocket-sized and tiny, except that instead of pianists and dressmakers, Max was an adventurous young boy who always had to free himself from the clutches of mummies and zombies. So instead of a normal house or bathroom, Mighty Max was contained in a dungeon, a mad scientist lab or an Egyptian tomb. Instead of a pet cat or dog, he had the undead chasing after him. Max had many possible things going on for him: he could get stuck in a trap, locked in a jail cell, trapped to the other end of the wall, find secret pathways leading to treasure basically, he led a more exciting life than Polly.
When M. was in nursery, she told her girl classmate about all the adventures she had with her Legos.
““Yuck!” she frowned. ““Diba pang-lalaki lang yun?” (Isn’t that for boys?)
My girls never looked at it that way at all. Today whenever they pass by a toy store, or when they visit their younger cousins, they can’t help noticing that little girls today don’t play as much Lego blocks as they did. As a child it didn’t matter to them if the games they played were masculine or feminine, as long as it provided hours and hours of fun and creativity.
One tip to know: “The way your child uses a toy is often far more important than the toy itself in determining the toy’s effects on your child’s development. Thinking about how your child might play with the toy can help you decide whether it’s the right one for you and your child.”
A mother looks forward with much hope and excitement for her new baby. Not all are lucky to make it to full term birth like 26 year old Mira of Bulacan who gave birth to twins but never got to see the light of day. Her twins named MJ and JM were lost to the world’s largest killer of babies: preterm birth complications. I can just picture the tragedy and the grief, with questions on “Why?” , “What if”, “Why God?” , “if only” especially “if only we could afford the medication”. Is medication expensive and inaccessible to the poor? It is not entirely true.
Possible interventions are within reach today, just like the 19 year old Sara, who gave birth to a preemie. Her baby survived and passed the critical stage due to medical intervention. Mira’s twin babies are now part of the infant mortality cases in the Philippines.
Across 184 countries, the rate of preterm birth ranges from 5% to 18% of babies born. The Philippines ranks second in the number of premature births in Southeast Asia, eight worldwide and 17th in deaths arising from preterm birth complications. Complications often plague preterm babies and is the leading cause of deaths among children under 5 years of age and is responsible for nearly 1 million deaths in 2013. This is called neonatal respiratory distress syndrome (RDS) , which is the second leading cause of death among premature infants in the Philippines and the leading verifiable one.
It is for this reason that the Philippine Society of Newborn Medicine (PSNbM), together with the Department of Health, Philheath, and the Dr. Jose Fabella Memorial Hospital joined forces in championing a campaign set on the prevention of needless deaths in children and also meeting the millennium mortality goal in child mortality is met . There are many initiatives going on now. Breastfeeding is always the desired food for these tiny babies.
Over at the Fabella hospital, mothers of preemies are encouraged to practice the Kangaroo Mother care. Kangaroo care is a technique practiced on newborn, usually preterm, infants wherein the infant is held, skin-to-skin, with an adult. Kangaroo care for pre-term infants may be restricted to a few hours per day, but if they are medically stable that time may be extended. Some parents may keep their babies in-arms for many hours per day. Kangaroo care, named for the similarity to how certain marsupials carry their young, was initially developed to care for preterm infants in areas where incubators are either unavailable or unreliable. Despite the limited number of neonatologist, there are efforts to train health workers in the far flung provinces
The Hinga|Hingala ni Baby movement will inform the public about the gravitas of preterm morbidities and mortalities and its implications on an individual and national level starting with this documentary video below, that offers a behind-the-scenes look at the local cases of child mortality specifically those from Dr. Jose Fabella Memorial Hospital , the institution with the most number of premature births in Manila.
The #hingahingalo campaign aims to inform everyone on the top prebirth complications and existing interventions and drive audiences to the right channels where they can avail of these interventions.
