In an aquarium-themed room reviewing a Samsung Smart TV

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I feel bad when I leave my hubby at home whenever I travel. Not that he doesn’t want to travel with me, it is just work sometimes prevent him from being with me. Well, no excuse this time because my next adventure is just around the corner. It feels like an out-of-town trip considering the one hour travel time.

He worries “what if there is a typhoon?” recalling the time Sofitel Hotel got flooded during Typhoon Pedring. I worry too but I have learned to let go, and let God.

So what were we up to?

I normally review gadgets (which I return after a period of a week or two) at my home. This time Samsung thought of inviting us to check in a hotel to review their latest offering: Samsung Smart TV (UA60D8000) and the latest blu ray player (BDD5500). Considering the size of the TV, I think this is a good idea to have the review done in a hotel. I get to focus on the review and have fun at the same time.

While I am enjoying this ultra-slim Smart TV, my husband is mesmerized by the aquarium walls that surround our room .

Our Aqua supreme room at the Hotel H20 in Ocean Park was simply amazing. Our room had no windows except these aquarium walls. Watch this video:

I let him be as I work a bit on my own. We own some Samsung products (we bought all of them in case you are curious…) like kitchen appliances, PC monitors and an LED TV set and I am quite happy with the quality and performance. I knew I will not be disappointed.

It was a bit intimidating at first getting to understand all the controls at the remote. With a bit of knowledge from our own Samsung TV remote, I managed to get the Smart hub. I recalled Jayvee telling me that I can use my iPhone as Samsung remote pad.

For this flat TV segment, connectivity is key. Apart from being able to connect to the Internet and do your standard browsing, you can also use your Android device or iPhone as a remote controller via Bluetooth. If you don’t own any of these, you can also buy a QWERTY remote controller that connects via Bluetooth. That means you can have a QWERTY / smartphone side by side your IrDA remote control.

I will soon find out how to do this.

I have not tested everything yet. I am just getting a feel and if it is easy to set up. My husband wants to nap first before doing anything else. Let me give you just a preview .

I did some tests using Skype calls, ““Social TV” updating my Twitter, and Facebook, web browsing and getting awed with the preview of videos at the Blu Ray DVD.

I called my sister to do a quick skype chat and show off our aquarium themed walls.

Ooops…Time to go (my husband wants to cuddle in bed) …

Butch ended having a nap while I wrote this entry.

A few minutes later, we strolled around the hotel to look for our dinner.

An array of DVD titles were provided but we picked up Resident Evil to try out Samsung’s featherweight 3D glasses converts pictures to 3D in real-time!. For some reason, the 3D image didn’t work so we ended up removing the 3D capability.

I found out there was a switch to turn on right there on the top of the glasses.

Shrek (4th episode) was just so sweet and romantic. I was quite amused at some of the lines uttered by Shrek. It quite reminded me of Butch.

I was about to test more of the Smart hub but the breaking news of Gadhafi’s death was all over the news. Images of a dead or injured Gaddafi seemed larger than life in this 60 inch TV.

There is more to explore in Samsung’s Smart TV like the online interactive media as well as on-demand streaming media. For the kind of online work that I do, a Smart TV makes multi-tasking so much faster. Definitely the TV of the future with the rise of emerging media.

Do you imagine a Smart TV inside your living room?

Read more of my review of the Smart TV in my tech blog , The Samsung Smart TV is beauty and brains indeed.

How could 18 bystanders ignore the 2-Year-Old girl that got ran over by a van?

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Watching Yue Yuem , the injured child on the street is too painful..and all those people seemed just heartless to me. The greatest tragedy aside from the first van hitting the child is how 18 bystanders just walked past by.

The synopsis:

Synopsis: October 13th afternoon around 5:30, a car accident occurred at the Guangfo Hardware Market in Huangqi of Foshan. A van hit a 2-year-old little girl and then fled. No passersby reached out to help and then another car ran over her. Over the span of 7 minutes, a total of 17 people passing by failed to extend a hand or call the police, up until the 19th person, a garbage scavenger ayi [older woman], who lifted her up after discovering her but the little girl in her arms was like a noodle, immediately collapsing back onto the ground. The trash scavenger ayi called for help, and the little girl’s mother, who was in the vicinity, immediately rushed over and rushed her to the hospital.The news report video above has been viewed nearly 700k times on popular Chinese video-sharing website Youku since it was uploaded 17 hours ago and currently has over 6200 comments spanning 210 pages. This story is also spreading on China’s popular microblogging service Sina Weibo in addition to receiving a lot of views and comments on China’s major internet news portals and communities.

In addition to showing the little girl, Yue Yuem being run over twice and many of the bystanders who didn’t stop to help her, it also shows that Yue Yue is currently in the hospital in critical condition. Police have already found the second driver but have yet to find the first driver as they were unable to read the first van’s license plate and are calling upon witnesses for help. Yue Yue’s parents are also shown.

This is the video.

WARNING: shocking

The girl passed away in the hospital due to serious injury.

The question is why did these people not stop? A comment in this site may explain :

It isn’t ignoring, it’s not daring. If one were to encounter a Nanjing judge, one would be screwed.

[Note: “Nanjing judge” refers to the infamous 2006 case of a man named Peng Yu who helped a woman to the hospital after she had fallen only to have the old woman accuse him of knocking her down. The Nanjing judge in that case ultimately ruled that common sense dictated that only the person who hit her would take her to the hospital, setting a precedent that continues only further discourages and reinforces many Chinese people’s wariness to help others in similar situations.]

And another commenter added “It can only be said that the garbage scavenger doesn’t read news on the internet.”

No wonder, this garbage scavenger helped out. Still…couldn’t these bystanders just yell out and even run away so not to be accused of hitting the kid. What about the bicycle rider? He could have yelled for help ?

China as a country is not to be blamed. It is the people that were there. Take the case of a girl in New York who was attacked in full view “of a New York City subway clerk, then dragged down the steps onto a deserted platform where she was raped and raped again, the assailant not stopping even when a subway train pulled into the station.”

The victim added that the ticket clerk left his booth. “He could have just gotten over the intercom and said, ‘Hey! Stop what you’re doing! I’ve called the cops!’ Anything like that would have helped,” she said. ““He didn’t have to get out of the booth. I don’t expect him to be a police officer. But he could have definitely said something over the intercom, or perhaps having a quicker system of notifying the police would have been effective, too.””

Have you been in this situation when you saw an accident? My husband and I once saw an accident along EDSA but since we were speeding past it, we were unable to just stop at the scene. We stopped at the next traffic stop to report about it. I guess reporting an accident can be quite a hassle because one will then be called to be a witness.

I cannot begin to imagine the hearts of the 18 people who passed by. It is beyond my understanding. Where is their compassion? Should laws be a bit more compassionate to those that bring the injured to the hospital?

Apply the Good Samaritan Law which are intended to reduce bystanders’ hesitation to assist, for fear of being sued or prosecuted for unintentional injury or wrongful death.

My heart now goes out to the bereaved parents. Questions like “If only….someone reported it right away”.

Photo credit : micgadget.com

“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” – Steve Jobs

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Steve Jobs leaves an estimated $8.3 billion, which he thought nothing of. “Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me … Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful … that’s what matters to me.”

Steve Jobs who is only 2 years older than me “died peacefully today surrounded by his family ” His family said “… We know many of you will mourn with us, and we ask that you respect our privacy during our time of grief”.

Dan Frakes says it so well “Part of Jobs’s genius was in showing people what they could *do* with technology. That’s what most people actually care about, not specs.” Let me share how his technology has been so much a part of my life.

I remember him so well in the early 80’s. Their story on launching the first Apple PC from his parents’ garage with longtime friend Steve Wozniak in 1976 was just amazing. Apple clones soon came around with the success of their PC.

Yes , I was one of those that owned an Apple II clone in 1985. My father who suffered a stroke in late 1985 was unable to comprehend oral communication but he could understand if written down. I forgot the software or game that I had but I used it to re-train him to recognize words. Speech therapy then was only done in UP-PGH. Dad soon re-learned some of the words though he was never able to regain his normal brain functions in oral communication.

I will probably remember him more for the Apple gadgets that I have owned since I became a blogger in 2006: the white macbook in 2006, the black macbook in 2007, the macbook air just two months ago . Then there is the IPhone where I get a new model every year now just waiting for the iPhone 4s to be released. The iPhone has been such a great companion for citizen media when I do livestreaming. In fact when Blog Watch interviewed presidential candidate Noynoy Aquino, I used the livestream app from my iphone when our main live stream failed.

Then the iPad as a birthday present to my husband because I could not stand the stacks of books he keeps buying all the time. I thought the iPad can be a space saver. Alas, it has not been so but the iPad serves quite well for ebook versions of newspapers. It surely cut down on piles of newspapers stashed in the bodega.

Now how could I ever forget the iPod?

I recall my teenaged kids just begging to have one of those nifty gadgets in early 2000. I really found them expensive but I managed to buy it for music sake. The success of iPod, revolutionized the music industry eventually leading to a collapse in CD sales and making Steve Jobs one of the most powerful voices in an industry he loved.

Now I have my own iPod in my iPhone. It is always a part of my driving routine. How can I ever deal with the traffic without my favorite seventies music lifting my spirits up?

Steve Jobs, you are just there with me probably in every person who have used your gadgets.

More than anything else, we can learn a lot about Steve Jobs especially on his views about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.


Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address
Read complete transcript of ‘You’ve got to find what you love,’ Jobs says

He continues to share more about living each day as if it is your last day:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

I think we should all stop to think as he often did :

“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?”

Enjoying hometown Cebu at Radisson Blu Cebu

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My beloved Cebu is my hometown, the city where I grew up till I moved to Manila in 1975 for college yet my childhood memories leave a soft spot in my heart. These days, I travel to Cebu for business or meet up for high school reunions. I often stay at hotels or at a friend’s place since our family sold our home in 2003. The Cebu I know is not the same sleepy Cebu thirty five years ago. I do not recognize the landscape especially with the new buildings, flyovers and widened roads. I usually fire up google maps to determine my location at any point in time.

The invitation to visit Radisson Blu Hotel in Cebu came as a pleasant surprise since I am not known as a travel blogger. Yes, I travel often and share my adventure here but travel blogging is not my main focus. Of course , I jumped at the invitation. Who wouldn’t anyway? Any opportunity to visit my hometown Cebu is very much welcome.

My excitement turned to horror as soon as I arrived at Terminal 2 last September 29. Check in took almost two hours due to the PALEA strike.

Radisson Blu Cebu was gracious enough to book us at Philippine Airline’s Mabuhay class. Waiting for our delayed flight at the Mabuhay Lounge made it a bit easier. A cup of coffee perked me up as I started to work on some of my blog entries. Together with fellow bloggers, Nina and Melo, we boarded at around 10:30 AM but the 747 did not leave an hour later. PAL just had to fill up every seat in this 400 capacity plane. I didn’t complain because I knew a lot of frustrated passengers wanted to get on a flight. PALEA may think PAL customers don’t care about their plight but really do we know every story of each passenge? The Philippines is made up of islands which make the plane a convenient form of transportation.

Arriving at the beautiful and stylish Radisson Blu Hotel made it all worthwhile after waiting hours on end at the airport. My spirits were soon lifted as the van arrived at the impressive driveway punctuated by a fountain . The lobby is gorgeous. The expansive space of the lobby is surrounded with monumental granite gilded pillars and marble floorings to the understated onyx wall leading to the 21 floors. The flower arrangement is simple yet classy. I get the feeling of “welcome back to hometown Cebu”, my home away from the home I once knew.

I was here exactly a year ago when Marget, a high school classmate treated me and our fellow classmates to merienda. Mina Gervacio, the new Asst. Director of Marketing and Communications of the 5-star Radisson Blu Cebu explained that the hotel is positioned as the premier and preferred 5-star Hotel in Asia Pacific.

Can I say I was thrilled to stay two nights in this elegant and iconic new landmark in Cebu City?

My business superior room is impressive . I spot the Nespresso® coffee machine and iPod® docking entertainment that I rarely see in other 5 star hotels. I don’t even need breakfast as long as I can get a cup of Nespresso coffee every morning. I tried this in Singapore two years ago.

I explored the rest of the room and as always, paused to take a photo of my reflection. The bathroom is not that impressive considering the size of the room (61 square meters) is spacious. I guess, business people do not have the luxury of indulging in a bath tub. I heard other rooms have a bath tub with a splendid view of the city. The office amenities more than make up for it.

Not all hotels provide free high-speed wireless Internet but Radisson Blu Cebu delivers. Not only that, I noticed there are four outlets for my gadgets. At a hotel in Singapore, I had to request for an extension cord to accomodate the charging needs of my phone, the mobile power pack, the battery pack of the DSLR and the video camera.

Looking down from my 14th floor window, my view showed part of the Mactan channel, and the harbor. Cebu has indeed grown so much yet tall buildings do not clutter the landscape.

I revisited the Feria restaurant from a year ago. The interiors are modern and the lighting exudes calm ambiance. That is the general feeling when you are here at Radisson Blu. Every corner is just too pretty. If you look closely, the materials used in this luxury hotel utilize locally sourced materials like bamboo and mother of pearl.

Lunch and dinner buffet is served daily. My absolute favorite has got to be the homemade ice cream particularly the orange chocolate and avocado flavors. The ice cream is such a best seller that if you dilly-dally, you will ran out of your share.

I didn’t get cooped up in my hotel room. Radisson Blu arranged an island hopping tour with Islands Banca Cruise. I’ve been to an island banca tour in 2009 and imagined it would be the same kind of banca. I was surprised to see a saucy looking banca which is actually a traditional pumpboat outrigger, with an expanded sundeck, cushioned seats, and crisp white exteriors. This couch lulled me to sleep during my return trip from Pandanon Islands and Gilutungan. There are other islands but didn’t have time. Other island destinations are Talima ,Nalusuan , Olango.

We were also there to witness the launch of Amazing Taste of Thailand” a two-week Thai food festival from Sept. 30 to Oct. 9, 2011.

Not only did I get to feast on my favorite Thai dishes , Radisson Blu also brought in cultural dancers from Thailand for the authentic feel to the food fest.

A few hours before we flew back to Manila, we talked to Mr. Lyle Lewis as the Hotel’s new General Manager and Vice President – Philippines and Japan, Carlson Hotels. Mr. Lewis focuses on strengthening Radisson Blu Cebu’s strategic positioning as the first Radisson Blu brand in Asia-Pacific. He also hopes to introduce exciting new innovations and key differentiations for delivering the Hotel’s characteristic ““Yes I Can” service philosophy in a vibrant, contemporary and engaging hospitality environment. No wonder Radisson Blu is the number 1 out of 62 hotels reviewed at Trip Advisor

It was an interesting conversation as we exchanged tips on social media and his experience as a hotelier. I proudly showed him that I am the “Mayor” of Feria Radisson Blu in Four Square. I wonder how long I will hold that title in cyberspace.

They say the Radisson is reputed as the Hotel that “Loves to say Yes”. I have yet to experience if this is true because I am an invited guest here and of course I will be biased towards the service. The staff are just wonderful though. I will surely come back when a business trip calls for it. With an SM advantage card, there is a 20% discount and locals rate starts at a low of 4,500 pesos for a de luxe room.

Cebu’s landscape has indeed changed the past 35 years and along with it, a fresh new landmark and high standard of excellence arrived in Radisson Blu . And all because Radisson Blu dares to say “Yes I can” .

More photos of Radisson Blu Hotel and Islands Banca Cruise in my Facebook

A eulogy for a friend

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The death of someone we know always reminds us that we are still alive – perhaps for some purpose which we ought to re-examine. Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

I am big on the idea of a eulogy, a place to commemorate and celebrate life. I know because of the five deaths in my family . Each tribute about my loved one touched me so much that it gave comfort to know my loved one touched others. I vowed to share this experience to those who lose their loved ones. Sometimes, the family cannot really think of all of these preparations if there is no funeral coordinator. I also know because when I suggested the same to the father of Apple Book, the four year old girl who died in the Willie Revillame show ULTRA tragedy, he loved the idea. SInce then, I often ask the bereaved family about their plans for eulogy. The brother of AJ loved the idea and so bloggers and friends organized AJ’s memorial.

A eulogy is quite simple. You tell a story about a fond memory, character attributes or something you want to share that is poetic or meaningful. It could also be a song. AJ’s tribute included podcast clips from his FabCast friends and Juned shared AJ’s answers to formspring that added a lot of laughter.

Our tribute to AJ was indeed beautiful and poignant. There are facets of a person’s life that can be gleaned from a variety of friends, colleagues or family. For instance, AJ’s mom had no idea what a blog is.. but she shared an insight about his son only a mother will ever know. A friend delivered his tribute called a Timely Powerful Message, recalling the of the time he saw AJ at the hospital and their podcast days.

Along with his eulogy, he shared soundbites of AJ that came from Fabcasters’ podcast.sessions, It reveals the wonderful, unique person that AJ Matela is.

My daughter wrote more about it in “What is death trying to teach me?

I’m sure you’re familiar with the old funeral cliche, ““Death is a celebration of life.” When the priest said it in his homily, I snorted and wondered if that was supposed to be comforting. I’ve experienced enough death in my life to know that death is no celebration. How are you supposed to celebrate the past when you have an entire future to face without that person in your life? Yet a ““celebration of life” is probably the best phrase to describe the memorial service that took place later that evening. AJ has been sick for a while and his family has had several months to accept this fact. So with a lot of the grieving behind them, they had enough sanity to pay attention to the highlights of his life. Many bloggers spoke about their favorite memories and how they remembered him as a kind, friendly, very fashionable person who loved life, fought for LGBT rights, and remained one of the greatest friends they’ve ever had.

Here is my eulogy for AJ.

Gifts from AJ

I am honored to be here to be part of tonight’s memorial to honor and celebrate what AJ gave to us.
I consider myself blessed to have known such a wonderful person. He was also charming, funny, and fun. AJ was charismatic and he could always catch you up in his enthusiasm and love for anything!

I met AJ in 2007 and other bloggers will probably talk about a similar meeting. Yes I am a blogger, who deals with grief support advocacy and participatory media. I too lost a brother when he was 28 years old. I too lost my precious son. A total of 5 deaths in my immediate family.

What I would want to share to his family and loved ones are two legacies AJ left behind for me to remember him by. They are all related to my blog advocacy. These legacy will continue to live on in my heart and in my treasure chest of memories and perhaps in yours.

1. Ernie, the Travel mascot

AJ first introduced me to Ernie during one of our blogger trips in 2008. AJ would let Ernie sit on a chair or on any flat surface and then take a picture. He used to say it is his travel mascot. I found it cute. Looking at AJ with Ernie, an inspiration hit me. Why not have a travel mascot myself? So I copied AJ. No, I didn’t copy Ernie. I used Kippy Cat or rather I re-discovered Kippy Cat from the box of toys of my precious son that I had kept throughout the years.

Kippy Cat was Luijoe’s comfort toy when I travelled in the past. Kippy Cat never left my son’s side while I was away from him. When I returned home after a travel, he rubbed Kippy Cat’s nose on to my nose.

Holding Kippy Cat close to my chest, a flood of happy and poignant memories lifted me to high spirits and I felt the comfort of my son’s love. That is how Kippy Cat became my mascot. The comfort my son felt before is now my comfort.

Aj knew this. I dedicated a blog post just for Ernie and Aj in 2008.

He probably never realized it…but he showed me a creative way of handling grief triggers.

This legacy will always be part of my advocacy and to others who want to use creative ways to deal with their loss.

2. Mobile live streaming

My other role as a blogger is participatory media where social networking tools come handy such as mobile live streaming. Today, you can see live streaming done everywhere in the Senate, the Supreme court, and other government offices. Blog Watch our citizen media site’s coverage of the May 2010 campaign period was not complete without live streaming. I first learned about live streaming using mobile phones from AJ during iblog 5 in April 2009. AJ covered most of the proceedings with his Nokia phone until its battery died. I was quite intrigued. I only knew live streaming using my laptop.

He explained to me the various sites that support live stream such as qik.com , ustream.tv and justin.tv with the use of a software that can be downloaded to the phone. I knew all this because I sat beside him all throughout iblog 5, sometimes being his reliever when he had to talk on stage.

I think of him whenever I do my own mobile live streaming.

Sadly, this was the last time I ever talked to AJ in person. This is our last photo together (I regret not having a photo with him when I lost 20 pounds lighter from that photo) Yes, I got busy with citizen media and did not attend much blogger events since middle of 2009. I am filled with regrets, with questions of ““why? If only? I should have…why God? ” but I am also aware that all these are part of my grief talking .

And though these memories may bring back pain, they bring back memories of joy as well. All these because pain is the price I pay for someone who touched my life.

He also leaves behind the people who loved and cared for him, for truly, it is in us that AJ will live on. How? Because we – the ones who were touched by his grace – will share with the world, the parts of us he was able to influence. This is what a man truly leaves behind when he passes.

Yes, I am comforted with the knowledge that AJ will be forever alive in my heart and in my memories.

AJ, I love you. You will be forever missed by each and every life you have touched. Until we meet again my friend, your precious legacies will be carried within my heart.

I would like to end with a quote from Thomas Campbell.

To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.
~Norman Cousins~

Visit the info page of 1000 Volunteers for AJ Matela on how to help AJ’s family.

Other blogposts by AJ’s friends who will all miss him:

The gift of grief: Stories of 9-11 families

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I would say to those who mourn…look upon each day that comes as a challenge, as a test of courage. The pain will come in waves, some days worse than others, for no apparent reason. Accept the pain. Do not suppress it. Never attempt to hide grief.–Daphne du Maurier


Anna Sereno holds a portrait of her son Arthuro Angelo Sereno via dailymail.co.uk

It’s been 10 years since the 9-11 tragedy. Does 10 years take away the pain that the families and loved ones who lost someone in the 9-11 tragedy? Eleanor Roosevelt reminds us that “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”


Photo courtesy of jofercreams

I will never know how survivors and families feel right now but let’s take a peek on how 3 families dealt with their loss.

Abigail Carter, a widow used to ask herself “Would we ever be “happy people” again? I didn’t see how.”

Ten years later, she is baffled “that in many ways our lives are better now than when Arron was alive”. I have often mentioned that with a death of a loved one, there is hope for a new life and a new normal without our loved one. Abigail adds that “There is a heavy debt of guilt whenever I realize that our new life wouldn’t exist had Arron not died. Through our pain, we discovered our strengths, learned to appreciate life and have empathy for others. We were awakened into life by death.”


A police officer hugs a woman who gave him flowers and a missing-person poster at the edge of the World Trade Center worksite. In the aftermath of the attacks, the city of New York was not an anonymous metropolis of 8.4 million strangers, but an extended family united in grief. Photo courtesy of sabby

Like Abigail I experienced the loss of a loved one and still long to be with my son, willing him to exist in some new form. I know now that my son may not be here physically but he lives forever in my heart and in my mind. With the death of Abigail’s husband, it gave her courage. She is author of “The Alchemy of Loss: A Young Widow’s Transformation.”

I lost my fear of death – something I’ve come to see as the unexpected gift of grief. I’ve unmasked an entirely new universe of possibility. I was able to move across the country alone with two kids, write a book and teach. I stopped worrying what people thought and began thinking magically, realizing that the only person standing in the way of, say, writing a book, was myself. I learned to be brave enough to trust my intuition, get help when we needed it, find allies and live with no expectations – a flexibility that invited what I can only express as mindful evolution. I muddled through “dad” experiences, like starting the lawn mower and teaching our daughter to drive. The kids learned compassion and forgiveness and to live with an unnamable absence.

Alissa Torres, pregnant with their first child at the time of Eddie Torres death wrote “a 210-page graphic memoir, or as she calls it, “an adult, literary comic book,” about her marriage and first year as a widow and single mother. American Widow (Villard, $22) is illustrated by Sungyoon Choi.” “It embodies my grief. I can open it and see this grief and remember it and remember Eddie. But I can also close it and live my life in the present tense seven years later and have a happy home for my son.”

Writing this comic book is a creative form of expressing grief.

Losing a child is a devastating loss to all parents because a child never dies before their parents. Robert and Brooke Jackman lost their youngest daughter in this 9-11 tragedy but they transformed their grief into hope.

Ten years later, the Brooke Jackman Foundation, which they founded to promote literacy for at-risk children, has donated nearly 100,000 books and 10,000 backpacks filled with school supplies to kids in the greater New York region. And on Saturday, the foundation will hold its second annual read-a-thon to commemorate 9/11, as well as its own anniversary, at the Winter Garden in the World Financial Center in Lower Manhattan.

They started this event to honor their daughter Brooke and all those who lost their lives on 9/11 by showing that tragedy and loss can be turned into hope.

Barbara Kingsolver on grief says that “you don’t think you’ll live past it and you don’t really. The person you were is gone. But the half of you that’s still alive wakes up one day and takes over again. ”

Most of us who lose our loved ones search for meaning or rationalization about the tragedy. It is incomprehensible for our child to die before us. Doing creative projects or reaching out is one way of turning the grief to hope. It is the gift of grief. Abigail wrote a book, Alissa wrote an adult, literary comic book while Robert and Brooke Jackman started a foundation to promote the quiet power of literacy, which transforms lives and makes our world a better, safer, more peaceful place.

The only cure for grief is action. -G.H. Lewes

“Grief and recovery and resilience are very individual experiences and there is no template,” says Dr. Robin Stern, a co-author of “Project Rebirth.” “Grief is not a pathology. We all love and we all lose.”

Dealing with the loss of a loved one in a tragedy is not like the Kübler-Ross model which is more popularly known as the “Five Stages of Grief.” It is important to understand that grief is not a linear process or straightforward path. Grief is more like a roller coaster ride. Even 10 years after 9-11, twinges of sadness come to these families but it does not mean they have not moved on.

Love never dies and if one tears, it is a sign that love lives on.


Photo by getty images

Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
~Rossiter Worthington Raymond

Here is a video of 9/11 resilience

On World Suicide Prevention Day, save a life

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A follower on twitter once appealed to me for help because he wanted to kill himself. Whether it was a joke or not , I replied back if he wanted to talk. This did not sit well for one or two twitter followers who thought I should not have replied to that person in public.

See, I try to help anyone I can in Twitter whether it is about traffic, the weather, the location of a shop or just about any mundane thing. Why can’t I help someone crying out for help?

Are you uncomfortable helping out someone who could kill himself/herself? Would you rather ignore and hope it is all a joke. Well, I have seen the effect of suicide deaths in family and I know that these families never had any idea their loved one would die through suicide. When a child dies or a loved one takes their own life, the storyline is heart-achingly derailed.

Family members often blame themselves, thinking they could have done something to prevent the death. To lose someone suddenly is indeed a shock, but a suicide makes grief more complex. Those left behind can feel such guilt and regret. Why couldn’t I save him/her?

While most would see someone who had taken their own life, we see someone who died of an illness. On average, almost 3, 000 people commit suicide daily. For every person who completes a suicide, 20 or more may attempt to end their lives. Prevention can mean something as simple as asking, not ‘How are you?’ but ‘Are you okay?’

It helps to know about suicide prevention.

I added a Suicide Prevention page to save a life. Suicide prevention is everybody’s business. What many are not aware is not we can educate our community that suicide is a preventable public health problem in the Philippines. Suicide should no longer be considered a taboo topic, and that through raising awareness and educating the public, we can SAVE lives.

Consider the facts on suicide:

1. Every year, almost one million people die from suicide; a “global” mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds.

2. In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15-44 years in some countries, and the second leading cause of death in the 10-24 years age group; these figures do not include suicide attempts which are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicide.
Suicide worldwide is estimated to represent 1.8% of the total global burden of disease in 1998, and 2.4% in countries with market and former socialist economies in 2020.

3. Although traditionally suicide rates have been highest among the male elderly, rates among young people have been increasing to such an extent that they are now the group at highest risk in a third of countries, in both developed and developing countries.

4. Mental disorders (particularly depression and alcohol use disorders) are a major risk factor for suicide in Europe and North America; however, in Asian countries impulsiveness plays an important role. Suicide is complex with psychological, social, biological, cultural and environmental factors involved.

World Suicide Prevention Day is today, September 10. “It promotes worldwide commitment and action to prevent suicides.

The sponsoring International Association for Suicide Prevention, the co-sponsor WHO and other partners advocate for the prevention of suicidal behaviour, provision of adequate treatment and follow-up care for people who attempted suicide, as well as responsible reporting of suicides in the media.

At the global level, awareness needs to be raised that suicide is a major preventable cause of premature death. Governments need to develop policy frameworks for national suicide prevention strategies. At the local level, policy statements and research outcomes need to be translated into prevention programmes and activities in communities.”

To help show your support and raise awareness, organizers suggest that you light a candle at 8pm and place it in a window in your home to honor the day.

Read my Suicide Prevention page to save a life.

Ernie, AJ Matela, Kippy cat and me

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Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

I first met Ernie during one of our blogger trips in Tagaytay. AJ Matela would let Ernie sit on a chair or on any flat surface and then he’d take a picture. He used to say it is his travel mascot. I found it cute.

So I copied AJ. No, I didn’t copy Ernie. I used Kippy Cat. I know I am such a copy cat.

During my trip to San Francisco , (my first since my son’s death) in 2008, I brought Kippy Cat along with me. Kippy cat was Luijoe’s favorite toy that comforted him when I used to travel in the past and left him home with my husband.

It pained me that I was never able to fulfill my son’s wish that we would travel to the US together. Perhaps it is one of the reasons that I lost interest to travel before 2008. For years, I was consumed with the myriad reminders of my son’s life and death. It wasn’t an easy journey. Today, I now know that death may have taken away my son but he lives forever in my heart and in my memories. Perhaps he might not have visited the states with me but he is right here with me in spirit. So Kippy Cat is now my travel mascot, pretty much like Ernie is to AJ.

With the news that AJ died last night, I feel deep sorrow. It is my grief talking. He had been sick for a long time now . It is painful to see someone like AJ die so young.

I am thankful to AJ who reminded me that I can always bring my Luijoe in my heart when I travel. As I hold Kippy Cat close to my chest a flood of happy and poignant memories lift me to high spirits and I feel the comfort of my son’s love.

Now there is an added dimension, I wil always remember AJ for this. AJ wil forever be alive in my heart and in my memories.

When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.

I can only imagine the grief that AJ’s parents and loved ones are having right now but we can help them in our own little way.

Let’s help AJ’s family We need 1,000 Volunteer-Friends who can help AJ’s family. Please join us.

AJ may have left us but he will always live in our hearts.

To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell

How to help

Visit the info page of 1000 Volunteers for AJ Matela

Other blogposts by AJ’s friends who will all miss him: