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Grief

Justice in His Time

Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. It is not enough that a thing be possible for it to be believed. ~Voltaire

Justice over my son’s death has not been realized yet. In time, God will reveal his plan. In HIS time. We have adequate resources to file a case in court but we have yet to see the justice system move to the next step. Can you imagine what it must be like to other families whose kids died from violent deaths and don’t have the energy or resources to fight for justice? I know there are far more important cases pending in court far more important than our own that deserves the judges’ attention. I will be patient.

When my brother died from complications of Hepatitis A due to contaminated water supply that affected our neighborhood, our family sued the Cebu Water District, a semi-government agency for damages. It took 12 years for the court’s decision and fortunately it was mostly in our favor. The family members that survived the Hepatitis A contamination (including my daughter, Lauren) were awarded damages but none for my brother because he was dead and in effect, not a customer anymore. Did my 27 year old brother get the justice he deserved? Yes and No. No, because there was no monetary compensation awarded to his wife and children. Yes, because the water supply in Cebu is now cleaner and safer than it was in 1990.

Maybe I will not get the justice here on Earth. I have faith that justice will be served in HIS time. Faith is all I need.

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War in Gaza Brings Children Casualties


Photo Credits to Yahoo News

“My children are dead, why am I alive?, a mother wailed in the funeral of her children.

I have lost count of the children casualties in war-torn Gaza. Is it 100 deaths so far? As I glanced at a newspaper’s photo of a father reaching out to his dead child, his companion was trying to hold him back. If I were there, I won’t hold back the father. I will allow him to wrap his arms around his child and cry all he wants. I have been there. A dead child looks like they are sleeping but just not moving. The reality of death is just too much to comprehend at that point. Let him wail. Let him hold his child. Let his tears flow. When death comes without warning, the shock and disbelief can be overwhelming. It is never in the natural order of things for a child to die before his or her parents, and this can be especially intense when the death is sudden and/or violent.


Photo Credits to Yahoo News

My heart reaches out to these children. Why do they have to die? I cannot fathom the pain of the parents even if I have been there. War is just senseless to me. A child’s death does not make sense. A parent should not have to bury their child.

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The Worldwide Candle Lighting on December 14, 2008


2008 Annual Worldwide Candle Lighting Services

Communities across the globe will be joining in The Compassionate Friends 12th Annual Worldwide Candle Lighting on December 14, 2008. In the Philippines, it will be held in Quezon City.

Where: 2nd level, University of the Philippines Institute for Small Scale Industries
E. Virata Hall, UP Diliman Campus
Diliman, Quezon City
View Map

Date: Sunday , December 14, 2008
Time: 5:00 to 8:00 PM
Please email me at [email protected] if you want to join the memorial service.

Click here for Venue List of Other Countries

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Grief Over Marky Cielo & Lea ALyanna De Vera’s Death

Even if I have lost a son, I still cannot imagine what it is like for Marky Cielo’s parents. I cannot imagine the horror of Lilian de Vera, the mom of Lea Alyanna, the 7 year old girl caught in a crossfire, found dead on dimly lit Sampaguita Street along with 10 other people, including eight of the suspected robbers, and her husband.

I can only imagine Lilian’s devastation as she cried out…

““Why do you have to kill my little angel? Why do you have to kill my husband? He’s a good man. We’ve done nothing wrong to you.”

The real cause of Marky Cielo’s death is hazy at this point. His family said he died while he was sleeping. But the Antipolo Doctor’s Hospital cited the reason as “confidential.” Some showbiz insiders speculate that it was suicide. Others go as far as saying, “It was prompted by love.” Just like that, a life is gone. So young, so soon. Their deaths were so sudden, just like my son’s death.

One of the things so astonishing about losing a loved one is that, while the sun continues to rise and set, newspapers continue to be delivered, traffic lights change from red to green and back again, our whole life is turned around, turned upside down. That devastating feeling, I know for sure.

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Dealing with Death at Mom Works Lifestyle Channel


Mom’s the Word, a feature from Mom Works in the Lifestyle Channel touched on how I turned around my grief, co-founded The Compassionate Friends (support group after a death of a child) in December 2005 together with my dear friends, Cathy Babao-Guballa and Alma Miclat. The feature also shows how I started this blog on February 2006.

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Mead Johnson’s Enfakid A+ Milk Formula Does Not Nourish Your Kids’ Brain

Oh the irony of Enfakid A+ Milk Formula with Nourishing the Brain and the Pursuit of Excellence!

Milk Formula Manufacturers are quite aggressive in their marketing campaign that they are not checking their “trying to be smart” ads. Blooey first pointed out the Enfakid Milk Ad as shown in the Inquirer (Page D3, October 22) and I want to re-post the photos and explanation below.


Flipping through PDI today, an ad reads… (page D3)

Flap opens to…

And then the milk formula in the corner.

Their ad further shows that

Your child can learn, discover and imagine far richer with Enfakid A+. Now with enhanced DHA levels that help brain cells communicate well to support your kid’s rapid mental development. Nourish the brain. Pursue Excellence”.

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Kippy Cat Travels


I am right now in Narita airport en route to San Francisco and I might as well entertain myself before boarding time. It’s been years since I’ve visited the states not since the year before my son died in 2000. As my son and I sat on the airplane seat on board our flight to Cebu a few days before his death, he begged me to take him to the states the following summer. I hugged my precious boy and promised him I’d take him along because the previous years were spent with the girls choir tour in the US and Canada. It was his turn to be with me.

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Ely Buendia Rushed to Hospital, Eraserheads Reunion Cut Short


(Youtube Video of the Eraserheads Reunion Concert Grand Entrance by Karla Redor)

I don’t know why but I wasn’t surprised that the Erasehead Reunion was Cut short because Ely Buendia was rushed to the Hospital. Not that I wished the concert would turn out badly, but I was thinking of Ely’s physical and emotional state as the concert went along.

At around 8:00 PM, my husband and I passed by Two Serendra to check on the progress of the condo renovations. I wasn’t aware that the concert was right beside Two Serendra until tonight. Listening from the 5th floor of our condo, I could hear the countdown then much later, the Alapaap song being played. From that distance, the sounds didn’t seem too blasting. I felt relief not having to hear the thud-thud of the drums and the blaring amps. Loud music causes my heartbeat to race like crazy. The last concert I went to caused my heartbeat to go thump-thump for more than an hour.

I turned to my husband and thought out loud “How can Ely survive those blaring sounds?” “And how can he sing just days after his mom died?”

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QTV Sweet Life on A Child’s Grief


I declined to appear in the Sweet Life Episode on “Comforting the Bereaved” for Lorna Tolentino’s friends. My last TV appearances left me disillusioned with anything showbiz in it. Despite the tragic elements in my life, I cannot stand embellishments injected into my life story. The segment producer tapped me to be the resource person for “A Child’s Grief” and I hemmed and hawed. I then remembered that grief education is part of my mission in life so I agreed in the end.

The guests were two young women, widowed in their mid-twenties. The focus of the segment was comforting their bereaved children. I discussed some creative projects and self-care. Every now and then I had to butt in and correct some misconceptions on Grief Recovery. Lucy Torres is quite smart but I don’t know what to make of Wilma Doesnt, her co-host. At the end of the show, I handed my calling card to the two widows. Wilma looked at me backing off as if I had some communicable disease don’t give me a calling card in half-joking/serious tone. Well, I told her I didn’t plan on giving you anyway but she kept repeating it. What the??

Apparently, she found the show’s theme so heavy and depressing that she kept whining about it. To think I was there to educate them about Child’s grief.

Since my portion covered less than 6 minutes (they practically cut half of that segment and concentrated more on Lorna Tolentino’s grief), I want to add more details that were not really discussed and which parents and guardians of a bereaved child might find useful.

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RCBC Cabuyao Bank Robbery Victims and Their Families

(RCBC Updates / Last Rites on Victims below the Videos)

Butch first told me about the RCBC bank robbery as his company is somehow related to RCBC. In his entry on A Season of Violence and Death, my husband writes:

The killers’ calculus was simple and chilling: No witnesses, lesser chances of getting caught. And so they went about their grisly business, systematically slaughtering ten people, whose grim fate was sealed the moment the butchers stepped into the bank .

The brutality and utter disregard for human life is so unusual and disturbing that it was the topic that my friends and I talked about yesterday just before our support group meeting of the Compassionate Friends. A friend (who is a banker herself) knew the bank manager, the spouse of her officemate. I just find it eerie to hear the last few minutes of their life together. Horrified, we started to discuss the incongruity of it all:

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a mom blogger who advocates constructive engagement in issues on family & society.
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