How to tell a Loved One to Stop Smoking

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stop150.gifThe first time I puffed a cigarette was when I was 18 years old in utter defiance of an ex-boyfriend who refused to leave me alone. Thinking he’d get turned off with my smoking, I blew smoke into his face. Unfortunately, that didn’t work. He continued to pursue me relentlessly until I met my husband. (having another boyfriend didn’t stop him but that’s another story) The sad thing was I got hooked into cigarettes till my mid-thirties. Until one day….an 8 year old Lauren wrapped her arms around me and begged me “Mom, smoking is bad. I learned in Science class that you could die of lung cancer. I don’t want you to die. I love you mom”

The heart rending plea tugged at my heart. Of course I didn’t want to die. How could I leave my children alone? I looked into Lauren’s imploring eyes “Yes, dear. I will stop smoking“. I kissed her cheeks. I couldn’t stop smoking right away but the thought did occur that I should give this vice up. And I did . It wasn’t hard. In fact, I felt triumphant that I conquered the smoking habit.

Little did I know that 8 years later, a reversal of roles would occur.

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Hearts shoots up at the World Pyro Olympics 2007

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world pyro olympics
Imagine eating grilled prawns or even Angus steak amidst sparkling heart-shaped fireworks. Just add wonderful company to that scenario. What a perfect night to watch the World Pyro Olympics between Germany and the United Kingdom. It’s my first time to witness such a grand display of color and lights. The event was even more meaningful when I met up with famous adventurous blogger, Anton , problogger Abe together with Anton’s friends or followers (?) like Tanya, Brian, Ivan, Sam, and I forgot (sorry guys forgive me for my frail memory) at the Highland Steak , SM Mall of Asia. The plan was to take photos at the venue proper but Anton wanted a change of scenery. Dining at the second level where Highland Steak House is located proved to be an advantage. The spectacular view of the World Pyro Olympics was simply amazing. My point and shoot Canon Powershot A710 IS does not do justice to the spectacular fireworks. The captivating colors turned up overly exposed and white. Frustrated at my futile attempts to take great photos , I ended up taking short videos which I uploaded to youtube such as these.

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How to Promote your blog: Personal Blogging Experience Part 1

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I got invited as a resource person for the Digital Filipino’s Blogging and Social Networking Forum which was held at the swanky Microsoft office. My topic was Personal Blogging Experience. What great timing. Just a few days ago, an old office mate, Myrna Co dropped by to ask questions about blogging. You know, back at the old days when I was a researcher for UP Institute for Small Scale Industries, my research had to pass through the scrutiny of our editor, by who else, Myrna Co! I was always amazed at how my writing ended up so well-polished for publication. How I admire writers ! So I was pleased when she finally started a blog niche on retirement and growing old. It got me inspired to share the little knowledge I have of my 10 month blogging experience to others who are just starting.

A common question, and asked by my friend Myrna: ” how do I get people to go to my site, apart from begging my friends and relatives.?” When I started my blog, I wanted people to visit me. How else can I promote my advocacy if no one reads my blog? How else can I reach out to bereaved family members if they don’t know about my mission? I developed strategies to drawing in visitors. These [tag]Promote your blog[/tag] ideas are not original but they worked for me.

1. Write/show (not just tell) my unique experience and topics close to my heart.
Use senses (smell, taste, touch, sight, ) to show an entry. Without sounding sappy or appearing like a victim, I illustrated my grief journey with a few emotional insights. I’m sorry if I made some of you cry. It really wasn’t my intention.

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The Death of a Child

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angelPyro died. Another child left too soon. I only found out today about Pyro’s death. I wished I had been there for his wake. For the past 11 months since I discovered Mec’s blog on her pain over Pyro’s illness, I longed for a miracle, hoping against hope that Pyro would make it. It reminds me of that fateful day when I thought Luijoe would also wake up from his unconsciousness. We always hope. We don’t give up. I can’t help but tear over Pyro’s fate. Just a month earlier, Pyro had been treated for germ-cell carcinoma, an already rare type of cancer, only to have doctors abroad find that what he actually had was Ewing’s Sarcoma… a rarer type of cancer. Despite having lost a child myself, I cannot say that I truly understand their pain. Pyro suffered for more than one year battling the ravages of a tumor that pressed on his heart and lungs. My Luijoe died a sudden death.

I cannot imagine their emotional roller-coaster of hope and fear: surgery or drug therapy may bring remission, a welcome period of normality and expectancy that the worst is past, only to have our hopes dashed as symptoms return with renewed intensity. The pain is unimaginable, unspeakable and excruciating.

Mec, the loving aunt of Pyro writes eloquently of her grief and her love for her nephew. Their grief journey has just started. For newly bereaved family members, everything has changed since the death of their child, especially their priorities. What was once so important is now comparatively trivial. What once gave them pleasure now feels somehow significant. Rather than make plans for a ‘new, year’, there are many who must learn to live with what has now become for them the ‘new normal.’

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Firecracker Blast Greet our New Year 2007

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firecrackers[tag]Happy New Year[/tag] [tag]2007[/tag]. My ears are still ringing from the din of our neighbors merriment. The house across our home were filled with party revelers spewing [tag]firecrackers[/tag] blast and [tag]fireworks[/tag] display starting at 9:00 PM till midnight. It’s been a long time since I’ve inhaled so much toxic smoke considering the village we live is relatively peaceful. Next year, I should remind myself to check in at a hotel to avoid this racket. The street looked like a warzone with debris of the fireworks strewn all over. The firecrackers’ explosion created so much noise I could barely hear anyone beside me for the whole duration. The girls were furious and scared of the noise. I mean , we can take in some noise but these were like total destruction to our eardrums. While taking the video, sparks flew towards our front porch hitting me on my arms. That’s how powerful it was. Listen to this nerve-wracking firecrackers explosion.

Our celebration is so tame compared to our neighbors. Here are videos of our fireworks

1. Serenity fountains,
2. Dancing Dragons
3. Angels in the Sky (mini rockets) and
4. Peacock fountains.

I placed the garden hose beside us just in case the fireworks go haywire.

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Using the Cellphone for therapy

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salamat docThe overwhelming response to the episode, “Positibo ang Pinoy” in ABS CBN “Salamat Dok” shows the wide coverage of the show not only in the Philippines but in the USA , Australia, Saudi Arabia or wherever the Filipino Channel is . Right after my 15 minute segment, I checked my phone and to my surprise saw 31 text messages and 21 missed calls. For the next two days, my phone received a barrage of “missed calls” and text messages. I lost count. It probably reached to over 100 messages and 50 missed calls. Basking in the cool morning breeze , the show was shot live in an outdoor scene. See, I never thought anyone would be watching a 6:00 AM show so I gave away my cellphone number freely . I have often done that in other TV shows and newspaper interviews. My cellphone number and The Compassionate Friends website flashed on the screen for bereaved parents who might want to join our support group. Though I got around 20 legitimate queries from bereaved family members, the rest of the inquiries probably misunderstood “The Compassionate Friends” purpose. Maybe they thought I was their compassionate friend. I can do only so much , really. Much as I want to help the world, I have a family to attend to and I need to focus on my mission to help bereaved families towards a positive resolution of grief.

Receiving a barrage of text messages and missed calls made me realize the value of the text messaging among cellphone users. Without revealing the content of the text messages, these are some of my observations.

1. [tag]Cellphone[/tag] text messaging is used as “talk-therapy” . Cellphone users unload their problems to someone who had been there. Knowing someone out there is listening comforts them. Even to acknowledge a simple “I understand” evokes a “Thank you so much” reply.

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Happy 10th Year Blog-sary

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laurenIt’s December 22, 1996. My 10 year old Lauren sick with asthma comforted herself by writing her first journal entry at personal website at the worldkids.net project. Inspired by an online friend, Hayley , she started “Lauren’s Journal”. It continues to be shown at the worldkids.net because the domain owners believe it is a lifetime project. I mention “journal”. In the Web 1.0 era, blogging was unheard of. Instead, we saw personal home pages, the personal diary and daily opinion column. One of the most highly touted features of the Web 2.0 era is the rise of blogging. At its most basic, a blog is just a personal home page in diary format. For clarity sake, I now refer to it as a “blog” . They say Lauren is the First Pinoy Blogger.

I can’t help reading her archives and smiling at her childlike qualities. In all her 10 year old innocence, she still believed in Santa Claus…

Finally….the moment I’ve been waiting for. It’s already 8:00 and my mom and dad will soon pick my grandparents up. Then we will go to Midnight Mass and eat our Christmas dinner. And we get to open one present. Oh yeah, might as well sleep in the couch tonight so I can catch that Santa guy!

In those days, there were less than 20,000 internet users in the Philippines. Basically, it was new and alien. I think people do get especially worked up for some reason over the Internet. Internt transformed a fear driven society close to absolute paranoia where it was unhealthy to expose oneself online. “Loser”, “Loner”, “Geek” are words often used to describe the internet users. Lauren and I received so much criticism due to our internet presence. Here is one painful encounter from her English teacher culled from one of her entries…

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A Stressed Out Christmas Shopper

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stressed out christmas shopperI just had to laugh when I saw one of my blog’s referrers “photo of a stressed Christmas Shopper”. Haha. Why would anyone want to check out on the faces of [tag]stressed out Christmas shoppers[/tag]? This [tag]Christmas season[/tag] has been stressful because of the failed attempts to close the purchase of a real estate property. It’s been two months since the Amityville Househunting nightmare and we thought we could finally have a new property this month. Should I be Exasperated? Irritated? Annoyed? or should I just let it go? The most silly things happen when one buys real estate in the open market.

Let me just name a few irritants.

1. Once sellers know there is a buyer for their property, they suddenly change their mind. This seller increased her selling price by half a million. Can you imagine the stupidity?

2. Brokers can destroy a deal. Some of these brokers aren’t even licensed and demand a 5% commission from the seller. Seller complains to buyer that their net proceeds are low. Why is that my problem now? Why are they selling in the first place?

3. A Chinese seller refused to meet with us before payment. “Everything should be done in the bank”, the broker says. Broker says seller is a Chinese and is wary of strangers and fears being kidnapped. Of all the stupid excuses! My imagination starts to get wild. I think the broker is pulling our leg. Maybe she kidnapped the seller.

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Mom fashion is a quandary

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What exactly is the mommy look? Is there a fashion style for forty-something moms who have college kids? Often my girls tell me “but please don’t dress too young. You’re a mommy”. Then they also adviced me, “No mommy jeans look” as I shopped for new jeans. These kids can’t make up their mind. Should I not be “too style-ey” or dumpy looking? Then my husband goes “Nothing too revealing”. I can’t be too stylish, too sexy or too dumpy. Maybe they meant middle-of-the-road wasteland of clothing that’s “practical” yet “stylish”. The unsolicited advice is well taken of course, but I choose to shop for clothes that I like anyway. Based on this blog quiz, What’s Your Fashion Style?, I am girly.


Your Fashion Style is Girly


You dress to look beautiful and show off what you’ve got
Dresses, skirts, heels… whatever it takes to turn heads
You love feeling like a girl in any setting
Even your workout clothes are cute and feminine!

I like girly or feminine things but I don’t think I am kikay. What a word. If I were still a teen, I ‘d like to be groovy but I’d be in the dark ages if I still use that word. True, I dress to make myself look and feel good with certain limitations of course. I don’t wear plunging necklines in public places except in family parties. Pretty earrings and necklace has always been my thing even when I was single. So when that fashion trend was revived, I quickly added that to my collection.

If you noticed, I sport a new haircut (see here) . The hazards of driving the girls to their favorite hairstylist brought this transformation. The girls protested when I said it’s my turn to have a haircut. I warned the hairstylist “The girls don’t want me to sport a trendy look so cut it in a way that I will still look like a mommy”. Really, fashion style will never erase the fact that I am still a mother. I think the girls were used to my boring look during their childhood days. Things have changed now. Their daddy is getting more attractive to ahem , younger women as he gets older and wiser. Mommy has to continue to look good for herself and their daddy.