The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others’ burdens, easing other’s loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas.
-W. C. Jones

antiChristmasTree
““I have not put up any Christmas ornaments for the past 19 years. Never! What for when my family is not here. I cannot enjoy Christmas without them,” a bereaved parent once said.

He is not alone in his feelings. It is difficult to celebrate what once were beautiful, happy days. I remember how my husband dreaded Christmas day, the first without our son. He didn’t like to see the Christmas tree but I placed it anyway because I had two girls looking forward to Christmas day which has always been a joyful day to celebrate. I am thankful I opened my heart to my children and allowed them to help me embrace Christmas that year. In doing so, we renewed our strength and spirit together and we found the courage we needed to go on and enjoy life. It wasn’t the same reaction with my husband. It took him five more years to let Christmas come back to his life. And that was the year he learned that life can become good and whole and complete once again.

Why does Christmas or the holidays just make it difficult?

While most of the world seems to be addressing holiday greeting cards and planning holiday menus, the bereaved are struggling with other concerns: HOW LONG DOES GRIEF LAST? WILL THE HOLIDAYS ALWAYS BE THIS AWFUL? WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE EMPTY PLACE AT THE TABLE? WHAT IS THERE TO BE THANKFUL FOR THIS YEAR?

For many, Christmas is a special time of year. Although pretty packages and twinkling lights are the window dressing for this exciting festivity, it is the warmth and love of family and friends that make the holiday season so memorable. It can be a painful time for those experiencing the recent loss of a loved one.

I know there are others out there feeling similar losses.

If you are facing Christmas alone for the first time, I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust and share your feelings with them. Devote a place and time before Christmas Day in which you can openly honor your loved one and acknowledge your feelings. On Christmas Day, intentionally set your focus on family and friends who not only share in your loss, but who bring precious gifts of love and support to aid in your healing journey.

How To Help Yourself Through The Holidays

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At this time you will be acutely aware of the voids in your life. You may find yourself wishing to go straight from December 24 to December 26; it is hard to continually hear Christmas carols playing and people saying ““Merry Christmas”, or to see the perfect gift and realize the person is no longer alive to enjoy it.

Here are some suggestions that may help to make your holiday season a little easier.

1. Family gatherings may be extremely difficult. Be honest with each other about your feelings; sit down and decide what you all want to do for the holiday season. Don’t set expectations too high for yourself or other family members on that day.

2. There is no right or wrong way to handle the day. Some people prefer to follow family traditions, while others decide to change them . It may help to do things just a little differently. Remember, what you choose to do this time can always be changed next year.

3. Be careful of “shoulds” it is better to do what feels best for you and your family, not what you or others think you should do. Give yourself permission to not do things. Once you have decided how your family will handle the holidays, let others know.

4. Do the Christmas preparations that you enjoy and look for alternatives for those you don’t. For example, this year you could buy baked goods, let others bake for you or do without.

5. Holidays are tiring; get lots of rest. You will need every bit of your strength.

6. If you decide to decorate your home, let children, other family members or friends help you. It’s okay to do something different, or to do no decorating at all.

7. How do you respond to “Merry Christmas”? You could say ““best wishes to you” or ““thank you”. Think of how you might answer ahead of time.

8. For Christmas dinner, you may decide to visit relatives or friends this year. If you have dinner at home, try changing the menu, the time or the room. You may want to be involved in preparing the meal, or not.

9. Be gentle with yourself and don’t expect too much. If you cry, don’t let that ruin the day for you. It may allow others to grieve and feel sad on a “happy” day.

10. Consider cutting back or not sending Christmas cards this year. It is not essential to send cards, especially to those people you will see over the holidays.

11. As the holiday approaches, share you concerns, feelings and apprehensions with someone. Let them know what is difficult for you; accept their offers of help. Holidays often magnify feelings of loss; allow yourself to experience the sadness that comes.

12. Christmas shopping can be upsetting and it may help you to shop early, to shop by telephone and catalogue, or to take along an understanding friend. Family may be willing to shop for you if they realize how difficult this is for you.

Often, after the first year of bereavement, people expect you to be ““over it”…..you will never be ““over it”. However, most people do find that eventually they are able to enjoy holidays

I wish I can tell those who have lost a loved one this message, “May you find hope and peace and ways to remember the life of your loved one, not just the death. May Love be what you remember most”.

Source for “How To Help Yourself Through The Holidays”
From Victoria Hospice, British Columbia

There is something about Christmas carols sung by children. Their innocence and eager spirit shows the true meaning of the Christmas season.

 

manila children choir 1

During my stage mother days, I never tired of listening to my children sing over and over again. Singing is a tradition in my immediate family but sadly, I don’t have the voice yet I can tell if the singing is sharp.

Singing Christmas Carols has been a treasured family tradition. I remember the last Christmas I had with my mom. I was 18 years old then. All the 7 siblings gathered around the Yamaha organ as my late brother, Oscar played festive carols. Sometimes it was mom who accompanied the songs in the piano.

Those were the days when my two girls would readily sing in front of me. Good thing Manila Children’s Choir recorded an album and with that I converted 3 Christmas Carols in mp3 format. L. was 12 while M. was 11 years old with another girl and 2 boys from the Manila Children Choir. The choir conductor chose only 5 children for this recording but with recent technology, it sounds like they are a big group of kids.

1. Hark The Herald Angel Sing (Click here to download– 2.9 MB) – Charles Wesley/Felix Mendelssohn , adapted by Jack North , Arranged by Jack North/John Wilson
2. Christmas in Our Hearts (Click here to download– 3.0 MB)- Jose Mari Chan , arranged by Carmina R. Cuya
3. Pasko Na Sinta Ko (Click here to download– 4.8 MB)- Aurelio Estanislao/Francis Dandan , Arranged by Bernadette de Leon

Pasko na Sinta ko is actually a love song but the melody is very poignant . It reminds me that my love would not have been with me this Christmas , if we didn’t collaborate to make it work. Some of you may find that you can relate to the lyrics.

Pasko na sinta ko

Hanap-hanap kita

Bakit ka nagtampo

Iniwan ako

It’s Christmas, my love

I’m longing for you

What did I do

that made you leave me

Kung mawawala ka

Sa piling ko sinta

Paano ang Pasko

Inulila mo

If you’ll be gone

From my side, my love

What will happen to my Christmas

That you made so lonely

Refrain:

Sayang sinta ang sinumpaan

At pagtitinginang tunay

Nais mo bang kalimutang ganap

Ang ating suyuan at galak

Our promises have gone to waste, my love

And our love that was so true

Do you wish to forget everything

All our affection and joys

Kung mawawala ka

Sa piling ko sinta

Paano ang Paskong

Alay ko sa iyo.

If you’ll be gone

From my side, my love

What will happen to my Christmas

That I offer to you.

manila children choirThere is something about Christmas carols sung by children. Their innocence and eager spirit shows the true meaning of the Christmas season. It has been said that music can open a window to the soul. To anyone with a loss, music may either drive a knife into an already festering wound, or it my begin to soothe and bring comfort to a shattered and broken spirit.

Christmas Carols sang by my children keeps me happy even if my boy is no longer with us.

May you be blessed with peace and love during the Christmas season.

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace. Agnes Pharo

halloween traditionWhat happened to Halloween day? Why is Trick or Treat celebrated way earlier than October 31? Where is the fun in moving it to an earlier date? Those were some of the questions my kids asked me in 2006. My three children celebrated Trick or Treat only on October 31 whether it was a weekday or weekend. Then that all changed when our village changed the date because it was just convenient for them to facilitate the kids in costume. My kids often say that it is like moving Christmas day to December 20. Something like that.

Wikipedia states that

Halloween (or Hallowe’en) is an international holiday celebrated on October 31. Halloween activities include trick-or-treating, ghost tours, bonfires, costume parties, visiting haunted attractions, carving jack-o’-lanterns, reading scary stories, and watching horror movies.

I do not understand. Maybe I am trapped in the American tradition that my husband brought to our family since we first celebrated it 25 years ago. Maybe the Philippines has its own version on how to celebrate Halloween.

I remember the day my dear husband reminded me to dress up the little girls into witches for Halloween. “Halloween?” I thought Halloween was only done in the Western countries. ” Yes you have to dress them up as witches”. As a little boy in the late sixties, he pranced around the neighborhood begging for candies and yelling “Trick or Treat” . According to him, the Halloween “Trick or Treat” originated in the Philippines during the sixties when the Americans living in the village started the tradition. In the early nineties, Halloween was not yet commercialized. No little kids doing trick or treat inside the malls.

The Trick or Treat was limited to Ayala Land villages, where most American expatriates lived. There were a few masks and simple decors in National Book store but that was it. No costumes. I had to be creative. I designed a witch costume with yellow piping and a dressmaker executed it. A balikbayan sister from San Francisco brought in the hat, the candy corn candies, the fangs gum for props.

halloween traditionWe drove all the way to visit the kid’s grandparents in Alabang just for the spooky Halloween experience. As usual, the beaming stage mother dressed up her adorable girls as cute little witches. The Trick or Treat party at the club was fantastic. The kids were dressed in typical Halloween costumes like vampires, ghosts, witches, and devils or even pumpkins.The eerie decors added to the thrilling experience.

halloweenThe Trick or Treat adventure in this swanky Alabang village is something else. The houses compete with each other on the scariest theme. Most of these houses had tricks. In one house, the kids were terrified of the candle-lit pathway that led to a vampire rocking on the chair. Complete with spine-tingling music as you walk towards the vampire, it even freaked me out. One of my daughters scurried away as soon as she saw the ghoulish figure. For many years, the girls spent their Halloween with their grandparents in this Alabang village until Luijoe arrived in our lives.

LuijoeLuijoe’s first Halloween in 1994 was spent at his aunt’s village. She started the Trick or Treat experience in her own village. 1994 saw the year when malls and the like started to sell costumes and more Halloween decors. My husband just adored his little boy. It’s no wonder that Halloween is such a painful experience for my husband. The past years, he used to hibernate in our bedroom avoiding the little kids knocking at our doors. But that is just how he was then. I love giving candies to these kids as I imagine my precious Luijoe hovering nearby. I am sure Luijoe is around me all the time.

5.jpgMy little boy posed his cutest smile ever. “sigh” I miss my boy. As I gathered the photos for this entry, I could not help turning misty-eyed pouring over these precious memories . “Was he really that cute?” “How I wish I can just rewind the past and hug him all over again!” Pictures and memories are what is left of him. Of course, his love rings true in my heart. But yes, I digress. And the tears well up again as I write this.

The girls who were then in their pre-teen years continued to be witches until their early teens. That’s when they designed their own costumes or innovated their wardrobe.

6.jpg7.jpgLuijoe’s last two Halloween was dressed up as a little devil. How he liked playing the naughty little imp to the hilt. This little devil is now my angel . His impish grins just makes me smile. Kids are just so adorable aren’t they? I miss my kids as little kids and being the stage mother fussing around them. Now that they have grown up, I’m just there when they need me.

halloween
8.jpg12.jpgAfter Luijoe died in 2000, the girls continued the Trick or Treat tradition with their younger cousins. Costumes are now based on themes other than traditional horror, such as dressing up as a character from a TV show or movie. Ahhh…. I miss the traditional Halloween costumes. L in this photo is behind the fence because she was traumatized by an 11 year old bully who grabbed her whole bag of candies. Demand for candies is just so much that after an hour, we always ran out of treats.

Our kitties are not exempt from trick or treat.

kitties.jpg
The girls have outgrown the costumes but the ghost story telling or watching horror movies never dies. I don’t have to don the witch’ hat and spook them out. I don’t need to line the garage with eerie candle-lit lighting. No need for the masked monster by the rocking chair. They can entertain themselves now.

So that’s how my family celebrate Halloween. What’s your tradition?

“All fathers are invisible in daytime; daytime is ruled by mothers and fathers come out at night. Darkness brings home fathers, with their real, unspeakable power. There is more to fathers than meets the eye.” – Margaret Atwood


““A father is always making his baby into a little woman.
And when she is a woman he turns her back again.”
Enid Bagnold
Happy father’s day to all the fathers and single mothers out there.

Happy father’s day to the dad of my three children.

Unlike most couples I know, I have never called my husband , “dad”. I told him from the start of our marriage that I would always refer to him by his first name, “Butch” because I think it is more romantic than “dad” or “daddy”.



““My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”
Clarence B. Kelland
“Dad” is reserved for my dad. Even if my daddy old boy is not around, he will always be a daddy in my heart . Daddy taught me to live, love, laugh, to be strong , and committed to God , family and community. Dad gave me the greatest gift : he believed in me. Though a late bloomer in community service, I always think of my dad who showed me how to be passionate to a cause. That is why I always sign with my maiden name in honor of his memory.

luidad
This photo was taken in 1999, the last Father’s day
that my husband celebrated with his son.
For fathers who have lost a child, there is a sense of remembering how much fun it was and how terribly sad it is not to have their child

to hold and tell them of their love. My husband wrote once on this feelings of loss and quoted Gordon Livingston “And so, as I contemplate the western horizon of my life, I think of my son with exquisite sadness and profound gratitude. He evoked in me a capacity for love I did not know I had. Those feelings did not die with him, nor will they, I pray, die with me.”

““Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad”.

Christmas stockings is a cherished tradition? What do you put inside the stockings?

stockings

There’s an old Merry Melodies cartoon my sisters and I loved watching when we were kids. It’s a story of seven kids and how they can’t for Christmas morning. Santa Claus drops by on Christmas Eve, filling their living room with toys as they sleep. One scene that stands out a lot for me is when Santa stuffs one of the children’s old socks with a toy, then adds one more toy, and another, until the whole ratty sock is practically bursting with playful trinkets. Santa would then give off his hearty laugh and off he’d go to the next stocking. I love that scene because of all the possibilities that can fill a little old sock. If this happened in real life, one can imagine the joy a little boy would have as he digs out toy after toy on Christmas morning. Who knew how much magic digging through an old sock could bring?

Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why hanging stockings up for Christmas is a cherished tradition. A stocking can’t fill much, so what surprises can one find the next morning? Will the toy train one requested for fit into that sock (and if so, how did Santa manage do that!)? Will the stocking be filled with wondrous delights, from sugary treats to savory indulgences? How generous can you be with such limited stocking space? That is the stocking stuffer’s challenge. It’s easy to stuff stockings. What’s difficult is not knowing when to stop!

A little boy would surely go nuts over a stocking filled with his favourite toys. Stuff his stocking with action figures from his favourite movie or cartoon. The more complete the set, the better! If the little boy is into cars, stuff his stocking with as many Matchbox cars as you can. He’ll surely spend Christmas morning racing around the living room with a smile plastered on his face. For boys who are into creepy crawlies, rubber insects and animals are sold in toy stores. Fill his stocking to the brim with these creatures.

A little girl on the other hand may delight in a stocking full of accessories. Bracelets and headbands and ribbons, oh my! If she’s into Barbie dolls, why not fill her stocking with new clothes for Barbie? Don’t forget the matching shoes!

But who says only kids can enjoy super stuffed stockings? Grown-ups can also find fun in these packaged surprises. For the foodie grown-up, fill her stocking with savory snacks she can take with her everywhere she goes! Biscuits, crackers and cookies would surely delight. For coffee lovers, a stash of their favourite coffee mixes, beans and maybe even a mug (if it fits!) can be jammed into a stocking. Have bookworms in the family? Jam as many books as you can into a stocking. Bookmarks and book lights can also join in the fun. The travel lover may enjoy a stocking stuffed with trail mix, anti-bacterial gel, even a small, folding umbrella for those sudden downpours. Nature-loving friends will enjoy stockings filled with packs of seeds, perhaps a gardening tool set with matching gloves too. Interests as themes for stocking stuffers is a fun and easy way to begin the thought process for when you want to fill someone’s stocking but don’t know where to start!

What if you’re a little scrimped for cash? Can you still fill up someone else’s stocking? Definitely. A coupon-filled stocking is one way to go! Create coupons for a free massage’ or a free drive to the mall’ and pile up these coupons into your loved one’s stocking. This stocking of favors will surely come in handy for them and they’d be much appreciated. How about a stocking full of promises? Grab a bunch of calling-card sized board paper and write a promise on each one to. It could be something silly like ““I promise to wear the polka-dot tie you gave me whenever you ask me to” or something grand ““I promise to take you to Manila Ocean Park.” Don’t forget to follow through on those promises!

Socks and stockings may look like they can’t hold much, and that’s precisely why stuffing them is so much fun. How far can a loved one’s stocking stretch with your generosity? Why not go and find out!

 

This is by Toni Tiu, a repost from Philippine Online Chronicles .

The Christmas carols sung out loud, brings happiness and bliss all the year round! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The last Christmas with my mom in 1975 was spent singing Christmas songs in our dining room . How we crooned to my mom’s delight as all the 7 siblings from 19 to 10 years old gathered around my brother who played the melody in the Yamaha organ. At times, mom accompanied the songs in the piano and even sang with her beautiful soprano voice . Each sibling sang a carol or played a Christmas piece in the piano. I can’t remember now if this was an unwritten family rule that Santa Claus won’t bring a present or we just loved to sing carols as a family. A tinge of sadness overcomes me now as I long to go back to that last Christmas when my family of origin was still complete. Those wonderful memories remain alive in my heart. I thought of reviving the singing tradition when I soon had children. Unfortunately, mom’s singing voice is not in my genes.. the only musical talent I probably got is having an ear for music. I can tell when someone is off-key, pitchy or just tone dead. I play the piano, guitar and the organ . That’s about it. In the seventies, the Yamaha organ was the most groovy way to play music aside from the guitar.

I soon discovered that my two daughters could carry a tune. I bought sing-along Christmas songs tape where they could follow the music along with the lyrics. Pretty soon, my daughters were singing all the carols. Allow me certain bragging rights here but they sang beautifully at ages 4 and 3 respectively. They weren’t shy to sing in front of me back then so I recorded their singing voices in a tape which was then converted to digital format years later.

Along with the fragrant aroma of baking gingerbread cookies, you will hear Christmas carols streaming in every nook and corner which includes the recorded songs of my two girls. There’s nothing like setting the mood for my baking chores or working on articles at my laptop. The festive carols allow me to glamorize the house a little bit for Christmas without noticing the great tasks ahead. The melody and the simple lyrics will never cease to mesmerize and attune me to the holiday mood. I get so sentimental hearing my two girls singing as toddlers. There is something about Christmas carols sang by children. Their innocence and enthusiastic spirit reminds me of angel voices.

These days, I fill my home with Christmas carols by playing the piano.

I like to imagine Christmas carols the way it should be sung. Christmas carols depict the story of Christ’s birth. Angels sang various songs to tell the good news of Jesus’ birth when they encountered shepherds. The practice followed from then on and slowly became a tradition to sing carols on Christmas. These traditional Christmas carols embody the essence of truly Christmas-themed songs and espouse the sacredness and joyousness of the season of the Nativity.

Singing or playing Christmas carols is another family tradition that I continue on. It is my hope that my children will also pass it as well. Whether to lift my family’s spirit during the Christmas season, or for wishing each other well , the Christmas Carols like ““We Wish you a Merry Christmas” or Jingle Bells” will never fail to spark the true meaning of Christmas, the hope of the world.

Remembering our departed loved ones on All Saints’ day and everyday of our lives.

all-saints-day
Did you know…the universal symbol of remembering is a candle?

Did you know…letting go of our loved one, but honoring their memory with a symbol is a ritual that brings healing? Sometimes words are not there to express what we want to say, but a symbol that brings meaning to us can help in the grief process.

candle-lighting2

We can’t know why some things happen…

But we can know that love

and beautiful memories

outlast the pain of grief.

And we can know that there’s a place

inside the heart where love lives always…..

And where nothing beautiful can ever

be forgotten.

Remembering Luijoe, and my immediate family members like my mom, my dad, brothers Ruben and Oscar today and everyday of my life.

luijoe

There are two special dads in my life.

My dad who I often call, daddy ole boy and my husband, the dad of my three children.

There is this quote about questions we ask our dads in various stages of our life. I only had my dad till I was 45 years old.

4 years: My Daddy can do anything!
7 years: My Dad knows a lot…a whole lot.
8 years: My father does not know quite everything.
12 years: Oh well, naturally Father does not know that either.
14 years: Oh, Father? He is hopelessly old-fashioned.
21 years: Oh, that man-he is out of date!
25 years: He knows a little bit about it, but not much.
30 years: I must find out what Dad thinks about it.
35 years: Before we decide, we will get Dad’s idea first.
50 years: What would Dad have thought about that?
60 years: My Dad knew literally everything!
65 years: I wish I could talk it over with Dad once more.

It’s true. I often wonder what my dad would have thought of my work today. He never knew me as a blogger because he passed away in 2003 just three years before I started blogging. Much of who I am today is because of dad . Even the way I smile is from his “wide-smile genes”.

dad
Daddy didn’t tell me how to live life. He lived and let me watch him do it. He tried to be a mother to us when mom died during my teens. I adored my dad so much that I thought husbands were made like my dad. I was so wrong. A lot of my early marital problems was because I compared my husband to dad. Hehe, I think my husband also compared me to his sweet mom. Eventually, I learned to treat these two dads as separate individuals.

In honor of my dad, I started signing as Noemi Lardizabal-Dado in 2006. I feel the presence of my dad in the wide smiles of my two lovely girls and in my work. I can just imagine my dad smiling at me as I do service to others.

There is the dad of my three beautiful children who sometimes acts more like a mother at times. How he nurtures them especially when they are sick and spoils them by driving the girls around. I wonder what my girls think of their dad. Do they think he is too old-fashioned? or just being a dad? I hope they know he is just being a dad.

luidad
DadoFamily186
These days, it is an empty nest but the father of my three children took time to bet with my two girls here in Singapore. Being together no matter how short the stay , is enough to make us happy.

Today is that special day to honor the two special dads in my life and to all the active committed fathers who make a lasting difference in the life of a child.

father's day

“Most of the luxuries, and many of the so-called comforts of life, are not only not indispensable, but positive hindrances to the elevation of mankind. With respect to luxuries and comforts, the wisest have even lived a more simple and meagre life than the poor.” Henry David Thoreau

To my dear daughters,

It is Mother’s day today and as you might know, I celebrate it everyday with you even if you are all grown up. Today, I just want to write about the rewards of the simple life.

Let me tell you that about finding ” the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter” to be thrilled by the stars at nights… some of the rewards of the simple life.” Let me tell you about our trip to Batanes.

I could not help but prance around the sloping hills of Racuh-a-Payaman , twirling around and singing “The hills are alive with the sound of music”. Remember how we used to sing that song in the car as we travelled the long and winding road towards Baguio?

Yes, Baguio has a special place in our hearts because it is home to your dad. I could not help singing with the wind as it kept throwing my sun hat away to protect me. I felt the wind was telling me to let go of my fear of the sun’s heat and just feel the cool breeze. I did listen to the sound of the wind as it cools my face during lunch. Want to hear the pounding of the wind that afternoon?

My friends who were with me say it reminded them of the Irish landscape. One felt like crying with the majestic beauty. Another thought “I see God before me”. I was speechless. I thought the picture pretty hills was reminiscent of the English countryside without the Friesian cows and the sheeps grazing the pastures.

I sat down on the grass to get my bearings and just be awed. But your dad wouldn’t allow me to just sit down. You know how I fear heights …but your dad held my hand and said “you are going to regret this”. He dragged me literally to see more than just rolling green hills.

He led me to the tip of the hill where the blueness of the sea kissed the sky. Ever since he learned to use the camera , he kept taking photos of Batanes.

I cannot begin to describe Batanes . Your dad in our article of Batanes “Enhancing the ecological and cultural tourism in Batanes” says:

Despite our preconceptions about the allure of the place, we were still floored by the actual experience of being there. A clear light seems to suffuse the entire province , real life in HD. The drama of the juxtaposition of the landscape and seascape left us gushing and groping for words. We have literally never seen any place like it, although we have done a fair amount of traveling here and abroad

I am not as eloquent as your dad so let me just show you some of the photos he took of me. You know how I am when it comes to photos.

Let me take you to the rugged terrain of Chawa cliffs.

The hedgerows which serves as source of reeds for roofing, protection from soil erosion and firewood. Hedge rows are also proof of the centuries-old practice of Ivatans on appropriate farming technology.

The fishing port in Diura.

The rolling hills in Vayang.

I took this of your dad as he stood beside the Mt. Carmel Chapel that sits in between two bodies of water, the West Philippine Sea and the Pacific Ocean.

The sound of the roaring waves of the West Philippine sea from Batanes Resort where we were billeted

This is the video I took of the resort:

Rock formations in Alapad Hills, the scene of the movie of Hihintayin Kita sa Langit (I Will Wait for You in Heaven) with Richard Gomez and Dawn Zulueta

I took a video while waiting for your dad as he ventured to the steeper side of Alapad.

The super moon that peeked out just before sunset at the Basco Lighthouse

The Ivatan art inspired by the beauty of Batanes.

But more than the majestic beauty of Batanes are the people themselves. You might find beautiful beaches, picturesque mountains, hills and hedgerows in other countries but Batanes is more than a pretty scene.

What makes Batanes endearing to me is the attitude and culture of the Ivatans, the natives of Batanes.

Ivatans are hardy and resilient, attuned to the vagaries of a temperamental climate. They have a strong sense of community. Neighbors look out for each other and every person is either an auntie, uncle or cousin. Bartering is still prevalent. The often-idealized concept of ““bayanihan” is actually alive and well in Batanes.

The pervading culture of Batanes “dictates that it is a privilege to help and be helped, and almost an insult to receive payment.” Isn’t that something to emulate and pass on to our children?

This Honesty Cafe store was started by Aling Elena Gabilo, a retired Math teacher for 40 years. She wanted to provide refreshments to the locals and travelers in the area. Anybody who enters the cafe can get food and drinks and drop whatever payment they feel like in a basket.

Aling Elena does not mind if the customers don’t pay or not. Her ultimate profit is the chance “to awaken her customers’ consciousness to honesty and responsibility and to teach them to live these lessons in the other areas of their lives.”

There is much to learn from the day-to-day experiences and resiliency of the people of Batanes. Life is about helping others and sharing their lives with one another. Rose Belmonte says it best about life in Batanes.

“Life that is lived fully will lead us to knowing who we are and becoming what we are made to be. Giving starts with one person. It starts with one home. One woman prepares food with love. One man takes pride in his labor. One traveler pays the right amount. One child learns to share. A neighbor gives unconditional assistance. Everybody does the same. And we get blessed with a community called Batan in an island simply known as Batanes.”

As your dad and I celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary in Batanes, I am convinced there is a certain majesty in simplicity. I realized that it is much better to insist on the genuine forms of nature, for simplicity is the greatest adornment of art.

As Richard Holloway says. ““Simplicity, clarity, singleness: These are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy as they are also the marks of great art. They seem to be the purpose of God for his whole creation.”

I hope we can travel together to Batanes and explore it more. Most of all, I hope you can see how simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough.

Love,
Mom (and dad)

 

We were once a family of seven siblings. With the death of my mom in 1976, my brother in 1990, another brother in 1999 and my father in 2003, only five siblings are left. Four sisters and one brother. Three of them are now living outside the Philippines while my younger sister lives in Manila. Before 2010, reunions centered upon the burying of the dead or visiting a dying family member. The pain of losing yet another family member was just difficult to take photos of ourselves. The sisters had more time to be together compared to my brother who was still in medical school. We did try to make the best of these rare times by doing something together.

Taken in 1972 by Robles Studio. Our one and only formal family picture.

Taken in 1972 by Robles Studio. Our one and only formal family picture.

It started in 1996. My sisters went home for a visit but had only less than two days. Hmm, why not a photo shoot to make use of our time? We trooped to Headshots in Robinsons’ Galleria. The studio had its own makeup artist. With four sisters, it took us nearly a day to finish. All of us were in our forties, with me being the heaviest of the sisters. We had this brilliant idea to document ourselves every six to eight years.

1996 photo shoot by Headshots

1996 photo shoot by Headshots (in our 30’s)

The next photo shoot was in 2004, a year after our beloved dad passed away after a long illness. We are now in our forties. Headshots studio moved to Greenhills Shopping Center. As you can see, I am still overweight , eight years after our first photo shoot in 1996. Once again, we visited a beauty salon to glamorize ourselves.

2004 photo by Headshots

2004 photo by Headshots (in our 40s)

In 2010, all of us decided to meet up up in San Francisco in support of Myrna, running for a council seat in a city in California. What better time to reunite during happier times. This time, our brother joined us. For our sibling reunion, we did our own make-up and hair and trooped to Sears Studio in Concord. Alicia, our photographer, was so good with us. This is just one of the shots she took. This time around, I lost 40 pounds.

2010 Photo by Sears studio in CA. Three girls in their 50s except for the youngest

2010 Photo by Sears studio in Concord, CA. Three girls in their 50s except for the youngest

This is the first formal shot we have as five siblings. Alicia commented that, perhaps, the four sisters had tormented David in his childhood — and all the sisters replied, “It was David torturing us!” Hahaha!

2010 photo by Sears studio. Our brother , David joined us for the first time.

2010 photo by Sears studio. Our brother , David joined us for the first time.

Reunions are never planned. It just so happened there was a wedding in the family, the first in the family. It was a reason to come home. Oh my, I will never forget this day. After the wedding reception, we frolicked in the garden as our photographer encouraged us to do some whacky poses.

2016 photo by Widengrens Creative Media .

2016 photo by Widengrens Creative Media . We are now all in our 50s.

We are having a blast! All of us are in our fifties , grinning like our dad . I know my dad lives in each one of us because of our wide smiles which we got from him.

Yes, our next photo shoot will be when most of us are in our 60s. Maybe in Cebu, our hometown.

2016 Photo by Widengrens Creative Media

2016 Photo by Widengrens Creative Media. We are now all in our 50s.

It doesn’t seem to matter how much time has elapsed or how far we’ve traveled…we are still the same. Even though our parents and two brothers are not with us, I am sure they are laughing along with us everytime we are together, laughing and just having fun.

Watch the Photo slideshow: