What to stuff into those Christmas stockings

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Christmas stockings is a cherished tradition? What do you put inside the stockings?

stockings

There’s an old Merry Melodies cartoon my sisters and I loved watching when we were kids. It’s a story of seven kids and how they can’t for Christmas morning. Santa Claus drops by on Christmas Eve, filling their living room with toys as they sleep. One scene that stands out a lot for me is when Santa stuffs one of the children’s old socks with a toy, then adds one more toy, and another, until the whole ratty sock is practically bursting with playful trinkets. Santa would then give off his hearty laugh and off he’d go to the next stocking. I love that scene because of all the possibilities that can fill a little old sock. If this happened in real life, one can imagine the joy a little boy would have as he digs out toy after toy on Christmas morning. Who knew how much magic digging through an old sock could bring?

Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why hanging stockings up for Christmas is a cherished tradition. A stocking can’t fill much, so what surprises can one find the next morning? Will the toy train one requested for fit into that sock (and if so, how did Santa manage do that!)? Will the stocking be filled with wondrous delights, from sugary treats to savory indulgences? How generous can you be with such limited stocking space? That is the stocking stuffer’s challenge. It’s easy to stuff stockings. What’s difficult is not knowing when to stop!

A little boy would surely go nuts over a stocking filled with his favourite toys. Stuff his stocking with action figures from his favourite movie or cartoon. The more complete the set, the better! If the little boy is into cars, stuff his stocking with as many Matchbox cars as you can. He’ll surely spend Christmas morning racing around the living room with a smile plastered on his face. For boys who are into creepy crawlies, rubber insects and animals are sold in toy stores. Fill his stocking to the brim with these creatures.

A little girl on the other hand may delight in a stocking full of accessories. Bracelets and headbands and ribbons, oh my! If she’s into Barbie dolls, why not fill her stocking with new clothes for Barbie? Don’t forget the matching shoes!

But who says only kids can enjoy super stuffed stockings? Grown-ups can also find fun in these packaged surprises. For the foodie grown-up, fill her stocking with savory snacks she can take with her everywhere she goes! Biscuits, crackers and cookies would surely delight. For coffee lovers, a stash of their favourite coffee mixes, beans and maybe even a mug (if it fits!) can be jammed into a stocking. Have bookworms in the family? Jam as many books as you can into a stocking. Bookmarks and book lights can also join in the fun. The travel lover may enjoy a stocking stuffed with trail mix, anti-bacterial gel, even a small, folding umbrella for those sudden downpours. Nature-loving friends will enjoy stockings filled with packs of seeds, perhaps a gardening tool set with matching gloves too. Interests as themes for stocking stuffers is a fun and easy way to begin the thought process for when you want to fill someone’s stocking but don’t know where to start!

What if you’re a little scrimped for cash? Can you still fill up someone else’s stocking? Definitely. A coupon-filled stocking is one way to go! Create coupons for a free massage’ or a free drive to the mall’ and pile up these coupons into your loved one’s stocking. This stocking of favors will surely come in handy for them and they’d be much appreciated. How about a stocking full of promises? Grab a bunch of calling-card sized board paper and write a promise on each one to. It could be something silly like ““I promise to wear the polka-dot tie you gave me whenever you ask me to” or something grand ““I promise to take you to Manila Ocean Park.” Don’t forget to follow through on those promises!

Socks and stockings may look like they can’t hold much, and that’s precisely why stuffing them is so much fun. How far can a loved one’s stocking stretch with your generosity? Why not go and find out!

 

This is by Toni Tiu, a repost from Philippine Online Chronicles .

Memories of Misa de gallo (or Simbang gabi)

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Simbang Gabi is an “Aguinaldo Mass that literally means “Gift Mass.”

misa de gallo
Three thirty in the morning
Wake up, he said.
Let’s go.

Bells tolling
In the distance
Calling us.

Walking briskly
in the dark
With my chattering sisters
And brothers
Shivering
I pulled my coat close to me
Against the chilly air.

Four a.m.
Struggling to keep my eyes open
In a church
smelling of candles
packed with people
Praying fervently
in Cebuano

This is torture, I thought
Let this be over soon.
Sacrifice, my father whispered
Preparing for Jesus’s birth.

The choir’s voices
swelled into song
Kasadya ning Taknaa.

At the parish hall door
Handing brown bags
of pan de sal
my mother had baked
to a jostling crowd
of the poor outside
who smelled of sweat and dust

Smiles from my neighbors inside
Sipping steaming cups of tsokolate
Munching sweet bread
Amid red and green parols
swaying by the windows.

I sighed.
Soon
It will be Christmas.

 

The poem was written by my younger sister five years ago. Now living in the US, she came up with the poem for her community paper after we reminisced on our childhood Christmas memories. Those were the days when we dreaded waking up at 3:30 AM yet we feared our dad’s anger if we didn’t obey him.

My sister asked “what was the word we used for simbang gabi?”

I know it as misa de gallo.

Oh yes, my sister recalled now. Misa de Gallo (Rooster’s Mass) is a more fitting word than simbang gabi (Night Mass) because we can literally hear roosters during the mass. I couldn’t understand why dad had to wake us up at such an ungodly hour. Going to mass this early for nine consecutive days is meant to show the churchgoer’s devotion to his faith and heighten anticipation for the Nativity of the Lord. In traditional Filipino belief, however, completing the novena is also supposed to mean that God would grant the devotee’s special wish or favor. I don’t think my dad was after granting of his wishes. He was a successful business man and a loving husband and father to seven children. He just wanted to follow Filipino tradition.

Despite the discomfort of waking up early, my sisters and I look back to these memories with nostalgia. Misa de Gallo was a test of our willpower to get up early and stay awake during mass. Of course, we were all wide awake for the free breakfast that our community prepared during the nine days. Many years later, I struggled to wake up at 4:00 AM and I succeeded only once since my teen years. That’s only because my two girls sang at the church choir.

misa de galloMaybe it was the Misa de Gallo memories with my family or my dad, but today I finally woke up to the sound of Christmas carols pealing in the air. No church bells ringing , just the soothing Christmas carols which actually woke me up. Unfortunately, Butch begged off and the two girls refused to wake up. So I walked across the street just ten minutes before the mass started and what do I see?! A jumpacked church. I should have brought a stool. For once, I liked the sermon of our parish priest as it speaks of the divinity of Jesus Christ, that Jesus Christ is the main reason for the celebration of the season!

Just like tradition, I dropped by to buy suman and puto bumbong to feed the sleepyheads at home.

 

Here I am unable to sleep so I am blogging about the Misa de Gallo in my parish church.

Do you follow this tradition?

Singing Christmas carols, a family tradition

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The Christmas carols sung out loud, brings happiness and bliss all the year round! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The last Christmas with my mom in 1975 was spent singing Christmas songs in our dining room . How we crooned to my mom’s delight as all the 7 siblings from 19 to 10 years old gathered around my brother who played the melody in the Yamaha organ. At times, mom accompanied the songs in the piano and even sang with her beautiful soprano voice . Each sibling sang a carol or played a Christmas piece in the piano. I can’t remember now if this was an unwritten family rule that Santa Claus won’t bring a present or we just loved to sing carols as a family. A tinge of sadness overcomes me now as I long to go back to that last Christmas when my family of origin was still complete. Those wonderful memories remain alive in my heart. I thought of reviving the singing tradition when I soon had children. Unfortunately, mom’s singing voice is not in my genes.. the only musical talent I probably got is having an ear for music. I can tell when someone is off-key, pitchy or just tone dead. I play the piano, guitar and the organ . That’s about it. In the seventies, the Yamaha organ was the most groovy way to play music aside from the guitar.

I soon discovered that my two daughters could carry a tune. I bought sing-along Christmas songs tape where they could follow the music along with the lyrics. Pretty soon, my daughters were singing all the carols. Allow me certain bragging rights here but they sang beautifully at ages 4 and 3 respectively. They weren’t shy to sing in front of me back then so I recorded their singing voices in a tape which was then converted to digital format years later.

Along with the fragrant aroma of baking gingerbread cookies, you will hear Christmas carols streaming in every nook and corner which includes the recorded songs of my two girls. There’s nothing like setting the mood for my baking chores or working on articles at my laptop. The festive carols allow me to glamorize the house a little bit for Christmas without noticing the great tasks ahead. The melody and the simple lyrics will never cease to mesmerize and attune me to the holiday mood. I get so sentimental hearing my two girls singing as toddlers. There is something about Christmas carols sang by children. Their innocence and enthusiastic spirit reminds me of angel voices.

These days, I fill my home with Christmas carols by playing the piano.

I like to imagine Christmas carols the way it should be sung. Christmas carols depict the story of Christ’s birth. Angels sang various songs to tell the good news of Jesus’ birth when they encountered shepherds. The practice followed from then on and slowly became a tradition to sing carols on Christmas. These traditional Christmas carols embody the essence of truly Christmas-themed songs and espouse the sacredness and joyousness of the season of the Nativity.

Singing or playing Christmas carols is another family tradition that I continue on. It is my hope that my children will also pass it as well. Whether to lift my family’s spirit during the Christmas season, or for wishing each other well , the Christmas Carols like ““We Wish you a Merry Christmas” or Jingle Bells” will never fail to spark the true meaning of Christmas, the hope of the world.

Remembering Luijoe on All Saints Day

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Remembering our departed loved ones on All Saints’ day and everyday of our lives.

all-saints-day
Did you know…the universal symbol of remembering is a candle?

Did you know…letting go of our loved one, but honoring their memory with a symbol is a ritual that brings healing? Sometimes words are not there to express what we want to say, but a symbol that brings meaning to us can help in the grief process.

candle-lighting2

We can’t know why some things happen…

But we can know that love

and beautiful memories

outlast the pain of grief.

And we can know that there’s a place

inside the heart where love lives always…..

And where nothing beautiful can ever

be forgotten.

Remembering Luijoe, and my immediate family members like my mom, my dad, brothers Ruben and Oscar today and everyday of my life.

luijoe

It takes a special person to be a dad

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There are two special dads in my life.

My dad who I often call, daddy ole boy and my husband, the dad of my three children.

There is this quote about questions we ask our dads in various stages of our life. I only had my dad till I was 45 years old.

4 years: My Daddy can do anything!
7 years: My Dad knows a lot…a whole lot.
8 years: My father does not know quite everything.
12 years: Oh well, naturally Father does not know that either.
14 years: Oh, Father? He is hopelessly old-fashioned.
21 years: Oh, that man-he is out of date!
25 years: He knows a little bit about it, but not much.
30 years: I must find out what Dad thinks about it.
35 years: Before we decide, we will get Dad’s idea first.
50 years: What would Dad have thought about that?
60 years: My Dad knew literally everything!
65 years: I wish I could talk it over with Dad once more.

It’s true. I often wonder what my dad would have thought of my work today. He never knew me as a blogger because he passed away in 2003 just three years before I started blogging. Much of who I am today is because of dad . Even the way I smile is from his “wide-smile genes”.

dad
Daddy didn’t tell me how to live life. He lived and let me watch him do it. He tried to be a mother to us when mom died during my teens. I adored my dad so much that I thought husbands were made like my dad. I was so wrong. A lot of my early marital problems was because I compared my husband to dad. Hehe, I think my husband also compared me to his sweet mom. Eventually, I learned to treat these two dads as separate individuals.

In honor of my dad, I started signing as Noemi Lardizabal-Dado in 2006. I feel the presence of my dad in the wide smiles of my two lovely girls and in my work. I can just imagine my dad smiling at me as I do service to others.

There is the dad of my three beautiful children who sometimes acts more like a mother at times. How he nurtures them especially when they are sick and spoils them by driving the girls around. I wonder what my girls think of their dad. Do they think he is too old-fashioned? or just being a dad? I hope they know he is just being a dad.

luidad
DadoFamily186
These days, it is an empty nest but the father of my three children took time to bet with my two girls here in Singapore. Being together no matter how short the stay , is enough to make us happy.

Today is that special day to honor the two special dads in my life and to all the active committed fathers who make a lasting difference in the life of a child.

father's day

Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough

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“Most of the luxuries, and many of the so-called comforts of life, are not only not indispensable, but positive hindrances to the elevation of mankind. With respect to luxuries and comforts, the wisest have even lived a more simple and meagre life than the poor.” Henry David Thoreau

To my dear daughters,

It is Mother’s day today and as you might know, I celebrate it everyday with you even if you are all grown up. Today, I just want to write about the rewards of the simple life.

Let me tell you that about finding ” the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter” to be thrilled by the stars at nights… some of the rewards of the simple life.” Let me tell you about our trip to Batanes.

I could not help but prance around the sloping hills of Racuh-a-Payaman , twirling around and singing “The hills are alive with the sound of music”. Remember how we used to sing that song in the car as we travelled the long and winding road towards Baguio?

Yes, Baguio has a special place in our hearts because it is home to your dad. I could not help singing with the wind as it kept throwing my sun hat away to protect me. I felt the wind was telling me to let go of my fear of the sun’s heat and just feel the cool breeze. I did listen to the sound of the wind as it cools my face during lunch. Want to hear the pounding of the wind that afternoon?

My friends who were with me say it reminded them of the Irish landscape. One felt like crying with the majestic beauty. Another thought “I see God before me”. I was speechless. I thought the picture pretty hills was reminiscent of the English countryside without the Friesian cows and the sheeps grazing the pastures.

I sat down on the grass to get my bearings and just be awed. But your dad wouldn’t allow me to just sit down. You know how I fear heights …but your dad held my hand and said “you are going to regret this”. He dragged me literally to see more than just rolling green hills.

He led me to the tip of the hill where the blueness of the sea kissed the sky. Ever since he learned to use the camera , he kept taking photos of Batanes.

I cannot begin to describe Batanes . Your dad in our article of Batanes “Enhancing the ecological and cultural tourism in Batanes” says:

Despite our preconceptions about the allure of the place, we were still floored by the actual experience of being there. A clear light seems to suffuse the entire province , real life in HD. The drama of the juxtaposition of the landscape and seascape left us gushing and groping for words. We have literally never seen any place like it, although we have done a fair amount of traveling here and abroad

I am not as eloquent as your dad so let me just show you some of the photos he took of me. You know how I am when it comes to photos.

Let me take you to the rugged terrain of Chawa cliffs.

The hedgerows which serves as source of reeds for roofing, protection from soil erosion and firewood. Hedge rows are also proof of the centuries-old practice of Ivatans on appropriate farming technology.

The fishing port in Diura.

The rolling hills in Vayang.

I took this of your dad as he stood beside the Mt. Carmel Chapel that sits in between two bodies of water, the West Philippine Sea and the Pacific Ocean.

The sound of the roaring waves of the West Philippine sea from Batanes Resort where we were billeted

This is the video I took of the resort:

Rock formations in Alapad Hills, the scene of the movie of Hihintayin Kita sa Langit (I Will Wait for You in Heaven) with Richard Gomez and Dawn Zulueta

I took a video while waiting for your dad as he ventured to the steeper side of Alapad.

The super moon that peeked out just before sunset at the Basco Lighthouse

The Ivatan art inspired by the beauty of Batanes.

But more than the majestic beauty of Batanes are the people themselves. You might find beautiful beaches, picturesque mountains, hills and hedgerows in other countries but Batanes is more than a pretty scene.

What makes Batanes endearing to me is the attitude and culture of the Ivatans, the natives of Batanes.

Ivatans are hardy and resilient, attuned to the vagaries of a temperamental climate. They have a strong sense of community. Neighbors look out for each other and every person is either an auntie, uncle or cousin. Bartering is still prevalent. The often-idealized concept of ““bayanihan” is actually alive and well in Batanes.

The pervading culture of Batanes “dictates that it is a privilege to help and be helped, and almost an insult to receive payment.” Isn’t that something to emulate and pass on to our children?

This Honesty Cafe store was started by Aling Elena Gabilo, a retired Math teacher for 40 years. She wanted to provide refreshments to the locals and travelers in the area. Anybody who enters the cafe can get food and drinks and drop whatever payment they feel like in a basket.

Aling Elena does not mind if the customers don’t pay or not. Her ultimate profit is the chance “to awaken her customers’ consciousness to honesty and responsibility and to teach them to live these lessons in the other areas of their lives.”

There is much to learn from the day-to-day experiences and resiliency of the people of Batanes. Life is about helping others and sharing their lives with one another. Rose Belmonte says it best about life in Batanes.

“Life that is lived fully will lead us to knowing who we are and becoming what we are made to be. Giving starts with one person. It starts with one home. One woman prepares food with love. One man takes pride in his labor. One traveler pays the right amount. One child learns to share. A neighbor gives unconditional assistance. Everybody does the same. And we get blessed with a community called Batan in an island simply known as Batanes.”

As your dad and I celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary in Batanes, I am convinced there is a certain majesty in simplicity. I realized that it is much better to insist on the genuine forms of nature, for simplicity is the greatest adornment of art.

As Richard Holloway says. ““Simplicity, clarity, singleness: These are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy as they are also the marks of great art. They seem to be the purpose of God for his whole creation.”

I hope we can travel together to Batanes and explore it more. Most of all, I hope you can see how simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough.

Love,
Mom (and dad)

 

The power of a praying parent

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my children

One of the biggest life-changing event in 2013 is when my two children left our home to live independently.  My new life as a blogger in 2006 came just when the kids were in college which then prepared me  to let go one year at a time.  Being alone at home with four cats give me some measure of comfort. It’s just the two of us now…my husband and I . There are many things we can do on our own that we never could do while the children were living with us like overseas travel or just sitting quietly reading a book.

my children

I get  flashbacks of my life as a mom to all the ‘first’ times  in their lives: the first time the girls left home for a high school retreat, the first time the girls commuted through public transportation, the first time they crossed the streets by themselves, the first time they flew abroad on their own, the first time they drove the car.  So many firsts and twenty something years later, the same feeling comes over me as I watched each daughter leave home, and watch her go.   A mingling of pride, a bit of tears and  mixed emotions overwhelm me as I reflect upon my empty nest. I get sentimental thinking of them as my forever little girls. My husband often worries about the girls and bugs me of updates. I don’t  normally ask for updates  because I would rather they volunteer that information. I tell my husband to just keep praying.

All I can do now is pray every day. I let go of worrying. It has been said that “worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.” Let go and Let God is my motto.

I came across “The Power of a Praying Parent” and it reminds me about how a  mother’s job is never done.  Let me share that quote from Stormie Omatian:

Being a mother is the greatest of all privileges. And it is also the biggest of all responsibilities. It is the best of all jobs, while at the same time it is the most difficult of all jobs. Being a mother can bring you the highest joy. It can also cause the deepest pain. It can make you feel like a huge success when everything is going well. And cause you to feel like a failure when something goes wrong. I know this because in my nearly thirty years of being a mother, I have experienced all those things many times over. When I brought my first child home from the hospital a few days after he was born, I was painfully aware that I didn’t know what I was doing. So I turned desperately to God for help. Every day. Sometimes on an hourly basis!

Through that time of depending on God to show me the way, I discovered that God doesn’t want us to raise our children without His help. Of course He wants us to do our part and “train up a child in the way he should go”, but He also wants us to look to Him to give us the wisdom, strength, and ability we need to do the job well. One of the most important parts of our job as a parent is to keep our children covered in prayer.

I believe that being a parent is becoming more and more difficult each year because of what our children are exposed to and bombarded with everywhere they turn. But we don’t have to be worried sick, dreading what is around the corner, or fearing the worst. We don’t have to be tossed to and fro by every new stage and age and trend and fad. We have the power to make a big difference in our children’s lives through prayer. That doesn’t mean we abdicate our responsibilities as parents. It means we partner with God to raise our children as we pray for every aspect of their lives. When we don’t pray for them, we leave our children’s lives up to chance.

Praying for our children doesn’t mean that nothing will ever go wrong in their lives. But when it does, we don’t have to beat ourselves up for not being perfect parents. Besides, it’s not being a perfect parent that makes the difference in a child’s life, for there are no perfect parents. It’s being a praying parent that makes a big difference. And that’s something we can all be.”

No one is a perfect parent but we can all be a praying parent. I am aware of my failures in the past and I pray my children will count the times I picked up myself from the rubble and never went back.

Our two daughters will always be home.

my daughters

And my Luijoe, of course. They live with us, in our hearts.

luijoe-with-roses

I will be constantly reminded that my children will always be in my heart because home is where the heart is . With the help of prayers, I know they will be safe , loved and full of energy to realize their goals in life.

Luijoe, my son and The Seven Last Words

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Luijoe meadow somewhere in the North, where his grandparents live today

The Holy Week is one of the most memorable time of the year. Being a “cafeteria Catholic” my religious faith is at best mediocre. Luijoe, my innocent and religious 6 year old son often chastised me for not praying hard enough .

 


Painting on the wall of Church of Holy Sacrifice, UP Campus

I felt like a terrible mother who led a ho-hum religious existence. Gosh, we learn so much from our children , don’t we? It is the Holy Week which reminds me of my son. The image of the dying Jesus when he blurted out  “Woman, behold thy son, Behold thy mother” struck a chord in my son’s heart.


Luijoe photo taken at Luijoe meadow during Holy Week 2000

Every night, Luijoe pointed to that image asking me over and over again what it meant. He pointed to John the Beloved “Who is he? How is he related to the Mother of Jesus?” Strange he asked about John. I cuddled Luijoe in my arms and explained that the dying Jesus wanted John the Beloved to take care of his grieving mother. How was I to know that my own son would die the following weeks? During the funeral, I remember those last words and took it literally to mean that my family or my friends would take care of me in my bereavement, that there would be “John the Beloved” who will help me.

luijoe meadow

When a death as devastating as the loss of a child hits you, one tries to find meaning. One tries to make sense out of it. The time came when I realized that those last words were not about me. It was about me helping those who are in pain , because the grief journey is not easy. My son made sure that I would not be alone in this journey as long as I continue to help others. He made sure I remember to be the “John the Beloved” and be compassionate to other people’s pain.

luijoe meadow1

I look back and reflect on that poignant scene. It is my son’s way of reminding me that I will find comfort and still be a comfort to others:

He who was nailed to the cross, wanted to spare His mother further pain, not only for that moment, but for her entire future. He put her in the care of the apostle whom ““He loved” and whom He knew would care for her in return. Even as Jesus was dying, He went beyond himself to addresses someone else’s need.


Luijoe meadow at night, taken by Sean, my brother-in-law 2010 Christmas day

The Seven Last Words remind me of my son who died so young yet I know he continues to live in me through my work, my actions and devotion. Luijoe is with me everyday.

Here is something soothing:
Mozart Ave Verum Corpus por Leonard Bernstein

Fighting With Your Spouse Is Good For Your Health

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argumentThe captivating news feature , Fighting With Your Spouse Is Good For Your Health caught my eye. But hold your horses, war freak spouses. Listen, it has to be a good fight . Not the cat-dog fight. Preliminary results from a University of Michigan study found couples that suppress anger die earlier than couples in which one or both partners express their anger and resolve the conflict..

Researchers looked at 192 couples in Tecumseh, Mich. during a 17-year period placing them into one of four categories. The first category included couples in which both partners communicated their anger.

The second and third groups included one spouse that expresses while the other suppresses anger and the forth group involved couples where both the husband and wife suppress their anger and brood, lead author Ernest Harburg said in a press release.

“Comparison between couples in which both people suppress their anger, and the three other types of couples, are very intriguing,” said Harburg, professor emeritus of the U-M School of Public Health and the psychology department.

When both spouses suppress their anger at the other when unfairly attacked, earlier death was twice as likely than in all other types.

Ernest Harburg clarified that “If you bury your anger, and you brood on it, you resent the other person or the attacker, and you don’t try to resolve the problem, then you’re in trouble.”

The key factor is communication. Filipinos are not too hot on a confrontational talk including my husband but with practice we found ways to argue and resolve amicably. How?

1. Avoid “You should or you should not”
At the heat of any argument, I don’t butt in and say “You shouldn’t feel that way” or “You should be calm”. When I am disappointed or impatient with his attitude, I just say “I feel sad that you are feeling that way”. By owning my feelings, I am not accusing him or making him responsible for my of sadness. Even if he seeks advice, I still say “I feel this is the right approach” . I never say ““you’re wrong.” I often try hard to look for areas of agreement and work on them.

2. Don’t beat around the bush in our conversations to control the reactions of your spouse. Guilt producing comments only produce guilt.
Hinting at what we need doesn’t work. Our spouse can’t read our mind and they are more likely to resent our indirectedness. The best way to take responsibility for what we want is to ask for it directly. And, we can insist on directness too. If I need to say no to a particular request, I make it known. If my spouse tries to control me through a conversation, I refuse to participate.

3. When I’m wrong, I admit it.
I make mistakes now and then, so I say ““You’re absolutely right, dear, I know it’s my fault and here is what I’ll do to make amends.” Even if I am NOT wrong, at least I give him the benefit of the doubt, ““I may be wrong, let’s examine at the facts together.” It’s hard to argue with that.

4. Communicate with your husband when he is out of his cave
Some husbands like mine hibernate to their cave for solitude when he is thinking about a problem. Many men withdraw until they find a solution to the problem. I don’t know if women hibernate in a cave. I know I don’t. One thing I learned is Never disturb your man while he is growling in his cave.

It pays to have a good fight when both are willing to resolve like two mature invidividuals.

Any ideas to add on how to resolve your problems?

Photos of our family reunion, the past 20 years

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We were once a family of seven siblings. With the death of my mom in 1976, my brother in 1990, another brother in 1999 and my father in 2003, only five siblings are left. Four sisters and one brother. Three of them are now living outside the Philippines while my younger sister lives in Manila. Before 2010, reunions centered upon the burying of the dead or visiting a dying family member. The pain of losing yet another family member was just difficult to take photos of ourselves. The sisters had more time to be together compared to my brother who was still in medical school. We did try to make the best of these rare times by doing something together.

Taken in 1972 by Robles Studio. Our one and only formal family picture.

Taken in 1972 by Robles Studio. Our one and only formal family picture.

It started in 1996. My sisters went home for a visit but had only less than two days. Hmm, why not a photo shoot to make use of our time? We trooped to Headshots in Robinsons’ Galleria. The studio had its own makeup artist. With four sisters, it took us nearly a day to finish. All of us were in our forties, with me being the heaviest of the sisters. We had this brilliant idea to document ourselves every six to eight years.

1996 photo shoot by Headshots

1996 photo shoot by Headshots (in our 30’s)

The next photo shoot was in 2004, a year after our beloved dad passed away after a long illness. We are now in our forties. Headshots studio moved to Greenhills Shopping Center. As you can see, I am still overweight , eight years after our first photo shoot in 1996. Once again, we visited a beauty salon to glamorize ourselves.

2004 photo by Headshots

2004 photo by Headshots (in our 40s)

In 2010, all of us decided to meet up up in San Francisco in support of Myrna, running for a council seat in a city in California. What better time to reunite during happier times. This time, our brother joined us. For our sibling reunion, we did our own make-up and hair and trooped to Sears Studio in Concord. Alicia, our photographer, was so good with us. This is just one of the shots she took. This time around, I lost 40 pounds.

2010 Photo by Sears studio in CA. Three girls in their 50s except for the youngest

2010 Photo by Sears studio in Concord, CA. Three girls in their 50s except for the youngest

This is the first formal shot we have as five siblings. Alicia commented that, perhaps, the four sisters had tormented David in his childhood — and all the sisters replied, “It was David torturing us!” Hahaha!

2010 photo by Sears studio. Our brother , David joined us for the first time.

2010 photo by Sears studio. Our brother , David joined us for the first time.

Reunions are never planned. It just so happened there was a wedding in the family, the first in the family. It was a reason to come home. Oh my, I will never forget this day. After the wedding reception, we frolicked in the garden as our photographer encouraged us to do some whacky poses.

2016 photo by Widengrens Creative Media .

2016 photo by Widengrens Creative Media . We are now all in our 50s.

We are having a blast! All of us are in our fifties , grinning like our dad . I know my dad lives in each one of us because of our wide smiles which we got from him.

Yes, our next photo shoot will be when most of us are in our 60s. Maybe in Cebu, our hometown.

2016 Photo by Widengrens Creative Media

2016 Photo by Widengrens Creative Media. We are now all in our 50s.

It doesn’t seem to matter how much time has elapsed or how far we’ve traveled…we are still the same. Even though our parents and two brothers are not with us, I am sure they are laughing along with us everytime we are together, laughing and just having fun.

Watch the Photo slideshow: