The joys of being a mother #YouTheMom

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“Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare.” – Ed Asner

Youthemom

My proudest mom moment was when my children taught me to be a better mom. Today I will take the task of listing down the joys of motherhood from the time my kids grew up from being a baby to their adult twenty-something years of age.

1. I loved being their primary caregiver.

I recall how I stared at all my three babies when they were born. I recall the same beautiful eyes that looked back at me with love. I look at them today and see the same beautiful mouth that made me cry when they first smiled at me. It was not long ago that I held them in my arms long after they fell asleep and I just kept rocking them all night long, kissing their soft hair and basking in their baby-sweet fragrance.

2. I loved being their first teacher.

When they were babies, I thought of their future lives. Perhaps, they would fly to the moon or if not at least land on a star. Whatever their future held, I made sure I nurtured their God-given talent during their first six years of life. Experts say children are like a sponge in those early years and I need to take advantage of that huge window of learning. I taught my children to read and write even before they reached pre-school. I taught them how to sing even if I was out of pitch. I taught basic piano lessons, which they needed if they wanted to pursue their singing talents. I taught them to pray that God lives in their hearts. I taught them that they needed to study on their own without my help once they reached third grade. I taught them that their grades were their responsibility and not mine. That their education belonged to them and my responsibility is to ensure they finish a college education. I taught them basic foundation of life and if they don’t believe or pursue my beliefs; that is their choice, not mine.

I believe mothers can only teach so much, and other factors like peer pressure, media exposure and school education come into play.

3. I loved being their ““almost best friend.”

So many times they ask me questions while their beautiful eyes look at me with trust, confusion and innocence. I have often prayed that my answers guide them. Even though I always want to protect them and step in for them when they make a difficult decision, it is very important that I do not interfere so that they will learn from their own experiences and develop confidence in their own judgment. As their ““almost best friend,” I listen patiently as they whine, roar, cheer and rant.

There is a fine line between telling our kids too much or too little. I hope I struck a proper balance somehow.

4. I love how they bring up their mom.

I recall the time when I first looked up at M. She suddenly grew taller. Instead of looking down to a little girl, I was staring and arguing with a much taller girl. “Look at you”. These words spilled out when she surprised me, standing there looking so grown-up and lovely. These same words spill out when they catch me off-guard. Gone are the days, when my rule was law. I learned to give and take. They awe me with their unexpected strength of heart and wisdom far beyond their years.

“Mom, look at me.” This often wakes me up from my controlled parenting as I learn to adjust to their moods and idiosyncracies.

“Look at you” are words that come out when I talk to myself telling the parent in me to wake up and see the amazing young women standing where I left my baby girls. I remind myself to look and know how special each child is, to see their value, their true worth that is reflected in their eyes.

5. I love being the new me because of them

I often ask myself if I have loved my children enough and done the best job that I possibly can. Then as human nature goes, I remember the mistakes that I made and how they might have hurt my children. I did pick up the pieces and tried to be better. Yet I never stopped loving my children even in the times when I seemed distant. My children have been a witness to my struggle and the new me. I am so proud that they taught me a lot. I am proud that they are my children. When I think of them, tears roll down because they make me happy.

I wish they will always be with me to love and to hold but I know at the same time, I should just step back and watch then fly high and free.

7 most popular Philippine games for kids

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How many children do you see playing on the streets, running and screaming around during summer? That looks like a distant memory nowadays as most kids opt to stay inside their houses or in internet cafes to play on computers and tablets. Long gone are the days wherein kids are the life of the neighborhood.

pinoygames_zps940de78e

Magna Kultura, a Philippine based NGO believes that children should continue playing traditional Filipino games. Not only to preserve our cultural heritage, but also to develop their mind, body and character.

Why is Larong Pinoy important?

Many relevant studies show that playing outdoors is more beneficial for kids compared to playing with computer games. Children who spend more time with gadgets tend to be more laid back, lazy, insecure, lacking in social skills and difficulty in accepting defeat.  Children who are more physically active, on the other hand, have improved physical and motor skills, they are able to develop strategic logic and adapt well to their environment. They also learn the value of cooperation and teamwork.

Here are some of the most popular Philippine Games for kids:

1.      Sipa – A ‘sipa’ is made of washer with colorful threads attached to it. Two or more kids could play this game. The objective of the game is simple. One has to toss the sipaupwards and kick it several times with his foot, elbows or head and make sure that the sipa does not fall onto the ground. The player who has the most number of kicks wins the game. Sipa is also called ‘Sepak Takraw’ and it is our ‘Pambansang Laro.’

2.      Luksong Tinik – four or more participants are needed to play this game. The players are divided into two teams with equal number of members. The two teams need to assign a ‘nanay’ for each team. The other players will be the ‘anak’. The ‘nanay’ of each team are supposed to be the high jumpers.  A slipper toss will decide who play first. The ‘nanay’ and her ‘mga anak’ will jump one by one on obstacles assembled by the other team. If the ‘anak’ makes a fault and touches the obstacle, the ‘nanay’ will jump for the ‘anak’ to save her. If the ‘nanay’ also touches the obstacle, the jumping team will lose and the other team with take their chance.

3.      Tumbang Preso – This popular street game requires three or more players. Each player is given a ‘pamato’, which they will use to strike a flattened empty tin can.  The tin can will be placed in an upright position and will be guarded by a ‘taya’. The other players will aim to strike the tin can while the ‘taya’ is guarding it. The ‘taya’ could freely tag any player who comes near the tin can as long as the tin can is still in an upright position. When the ‘taya’ tags a player, the tagged player automatically becomes the ‘taya’. In the event that one of the players is able to strike the tin can, the ‘taya’ should immediately put the tin can in an upright position before he could tag the players again.

4.      Patintero – Six to eight players are needed to play this fun, outdoor game. After dividing the players into equal teams. Participants need to draw a rectangular playing field on the ground which is usually five to six meters and is divided into four equal parts. A coin toss will determine who among the teams will run or will be tagged. The objective of the runners is to run back and forth the lines without being tagged by the other team. When a runner is able to cross back and forth from point A to point B without being tagged, the running teams will earn one point.  If a runner gets tagged, the teams will change places and the other team will have the opportunity to score. The first team to win three consecutive points wins.

5.      Tsato – Tsato can be played by two or more players wherein each player has one flat stick and a one short flat piece of wood. A small square hole is dug and the short flat piece of wood will be placed on it. Player A needs to hit the wood up in the air and hit it as far as he can with his other stick. The farther the distance of the wood (the number of stick length is the usual gauge on the distance of the wood from its starting point), the more points for the player. If player B catchers the wood of Player A after he hits his wood, the points for that hit is not counted.

6.      Agawan base -This is an all-time favorite game among children. There are two teams with two opposite bases. The goal is to tag the players of the other team without being tagged. Players will merely run around trying to bait themselves for the other team, while other teammates will try to tag those who will run after them.  If a player is tagged, he will become the prisoner of the other team and he could only be rescued if the prisoner’s teammates are able to tag their opponent’s base. The team that can tag the other team’s base will win.

7.      Ten-twenty – This game could be played by four or more players by using a stretched garter. A pair needs to face each other from a distance and stretch the garter around them. The member of the other pair will be the jumpers and will need to do a jumping ‘routine’ over the garter. The garter will start around the ankles of the other pair and will progress to knee height, then around the armpit.  The aim is to perfect the jumping routine.

It is the duty of parents to expose their kids to real, physical games and not limit them to the comforts of their electronic gadgets.  By playing Filipino games, children educated with the importance of Filipino culture and they are also able to bond and have fun with their parents, siblings and playmates this summer.

by Tanya Jamon-Navarro, as originally posted at Nasaan na ang mga larong pambata? at the Philippine Online Chronicles

My thoughts on children’s right to participate

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I’d like to make it clear that even though I write about parenting and family life, I do not claim to be an expert. I share family experiences and some of my parenting styles that worked or didn’t work for me. You can take what you like and leave the rest.

A few years ago, a group of bright UP students requested an interview on my parental views and experiences on the Children’s Right to Participate. I didn’t have time to research about Children’s rights before the interview but I read up on it after I arrived home. Below is the UNICEF’s Children’s Right To Participate .

Read More →

How my daughter turned me into a digital mom in 1996

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How could I not resist Lauren, my then 9 year old daughter’s question in 1996? One day while I was busy with my emails, she walked up to my desk begging to create a web page using HTML. The question seemed so natural like she was asking for candy but running inside my head was what is that MONSTER?… HTML ? The internet was such a novelty during those days that parents were both afraid and excited about its benefits for the kids. I took the risk and introduced my children to the world wide web.

lauren in 1997

I was often questioned why I allowed them to go online. Questions often raised were: Am I not afraid of pedophiles? Am I not wary of the pornography? What if the online friend is really some serial killer? Relatives and friends frowned on the internet. I felt like I was a parent from outer space. Even my daughter’s homeroom teacher chastised her for talking about the internet. I believe the teacher was just ignorant or intimidated about it. After all, in 1996, there were less than 12,000 internet users in the Philippines. It wasn’t cool for a kid to be online during those days.

lauren-using-her-computers

There were no hard and fast rules. One thing was clear though. I am a parent first. In the real world, one aspect of responsible parenting is never having to allow children to wander aimlessly and alone into unknown territories. So, too, in the vast cyberspace called the internet. Responsibility towards my child’s off-line behavior is the same responsibility for my child’s online activities. Parents can empower themselves and establish web safety awareness in their homes. Start them young. The best defense is for parents to make exploring the online world a family affair.

roboticaI drafted my own Internet safety Guidelines for parents, teachers and children to read in World Kids Network where I was  called Robotica, their Internet Safety Head from 1996 to 1999. The guidelines are basically the same even in the age of connected technology ( gaming centers, cell-phones), digital devices and social media sites. My 10 Golden Rules on internet safety  were inspired by my own parenting experience and my children’s internet experience is still applicable 18 years later:.

1. Your child should only log on with your approval. Sit down together with your child and read the guidelines contained in their favorite kid site. Assess which may or may not apply to you and your child. If you have to, you can plan and formulate your own safety guidelines together.

2. Since the on-line experience should be a family affair, the computer should be easily accessible to family members. This makes online activities an enriching experience.

3. The computer should be located in a room where there is adult supervision.

4. Be clear on the length of time spent in the computer or other connected technology.

5. Let your child post your family’s e-mail address even if he/she has her own.

6. As you go on together with your online experiences, your child will soon be better equipped to deal with various online situations even if you choose to leave them on their own as I did when the girls left for their college dormitories.

The negative feedback and suspicions towards online activities often made me wonder how the internet molded my children’s perspective in life. I found the answers now that my children are in their early twenties. I believe my kids got exposed to global thinking , varied ethnicities , cultures and religion which they might not have learned in the classroom. The biggest surprise is that I gained so much more in the process. My children taught me a lot about being a mother in this technology-driven world.

Is it any wonder that 18 years later, I am a 56 year old tech-savvy mom blogger?

computer-time-with-my-daughter

(In my next post, I  talk more on  Internet safety: Myth versus Reality)

This was the original Golden Rules on Internet Safety I drafted in 1996:

 
internet safety

1. Ask your parents for permission before you log on!

Read the internet safety tips together with your parents, teacher or guardian.Let them know what you are up to on-line. Only use the Internet when your parents have given you permission, and only for the time they allowed you to use it.

2. Tell your parents to spend time with you while online .

You might want to know some guidelines that your parents are concerned in the use of the computer such as time and the places to go in the World Wide Web.

Show them your favorite places in the internet. Tell them about the people you meet on-line, and the things you talk about. Let them know of your keypals and their traditions. Get them involved in your on-line activities!

3. Post your family’s e-mail address even if you have your own!

It’s neat to have your own e-mail address but it is always a good idea to post your family’s address, and then inform your own address after you are absolutely sure that the sender is trustworthy.

4. Do NOT give out your home address, parents work address, or school information. This also holds true for telephone numbers.

If you are entering a contest, or registering to enter new site, discuss it with your parents or guardians first and get their permission! Show them the site, and the reason why you would want to give out your address. If you have a PO Box, use that as your address!

If you want to become “snail mail” pals with someone you should talk to your parents about it first, and get their permission to give out your address.

5. You should NOT use your real last name while you are on-line, especially if it is unusual.

A better idea is to use your middle name as a last name, or have fun and make one up! If you do decide that you would like to use your real last name, please talk to your parents about it first!

6. Never agree to meet anyone, anywhere without talking to your parent or guardian about it and getting their approval.

People may not be who they say they are! If you do decide to meet with someone that you have met on-line, talk to your parents first. If they agree to the meeting, have them come with you and meet in a public place (where there is a lot of other people around)!

7. Never give out your password to anyone for any reason!

The ONLY people that NEED to know it, already have it, no matter what they tell you!

8. Don’t reply to any e-mail messages if you feel that they are offensive, strange, mean or upsetting to you.

Show the message immediately to your parents or teachers or any adult you trust so they may take the proper action or advise you on what to do . This is usually the best solution.

Don’t get discouraged if you receive messages that make you uncomfortable. Most of all don’t imitate those kids that write rude messages.

You can also write to us at safety@worldkids.net.

9. Don’t send scanned pictures of yourself or your family to anyone unless you have your parent’s approval.

If you have a homepage,your parents should also determine the pictures that you should put.

10. Stop right away if you see or read something on a Web site that is upsetting or offensive to you.

Some sites are not meant for children and you might have accidentally reached that site through a hyperlink. Talk to your parents or teacher about it.

Money management tips for the family

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I recall a conversation with a friend of my daughter who spent an weekend with us. While having breakfast, the discussion turned to money matters. She gushed over Lauren’s responsible spending habits despite her financial independence. But of course, I instilled money management early on in their lives. Mind you, my daughters are thrifty but know how to spend and party hard.

condominium project

My family is no stranger to financial challenges. If there is one thing I often remind my children, it is “no matter the state of our financial situation, we need to implement some sort of money management or else all that money will be gone in an instant.” The worst financial challenge we faced was in 2004. Call it martial law, but hard times called for drastic measures.

Under my strong-woman rule, I imposed a few family rules that my loving husband adapted nicely too. He had no choice, right? Let me share a few of my rules that might be useful to you because I know each family sets their own rules. This is what we discussed.

1.First, let’s set up priorities: know our regular expenses.

Take critical look at our expenses and remove out those that don’t give real satisfaction. The number one priority is food, housing, education and clothing but then again there are limits to this. Junk food is definitely the least priority. Buying luxurious home decors is also a no-no. What about clothing? Let’s not buy branded items at all.

2. Limit use of Credit.

We canceled a total of 3 credit cards and kept one credit card each together with a local credit card (BPI credit card). Using a credit card is not all that bad. In fact, whenever we get a housing loan, these loan companies check our 6 month credit card statement to see how good we are in paying our credit on time. Even the US embassy takes a look at your credit card history (when you bring these documents over but they don’t keep it of course). So make sure your credit card history is solid. What we avoid is buying on impulse.

3. Put a plug on those spending leaks

Impulse buying , frittering away small amounts here and there on ““little” things, can add up to a surprisingly big amount.

  • Avoid shopping for groceries when your tummy is grumbling. You’ll buy more of those tempting treats that can run up your bill.
  • Avoid ““killing time” in the malls. (You’re sure to come away with something you hadn’t planned on buying.) Use a budget and keep within it. Once you can resist the temptation of spending ““small” amounts, you’ll have more money for the things you really want.
  • Avoid eating out for dinner and instead, let’s have home cooked meals.

4.  Don’t be careless when shopping

There is always pressure, to buy things. Our wants are greater than our needs. This leads to buying things we don’t really need and to buying without comparing values and prices. Identify your weakness and declare a moratorium in buying it. If your weakness is shoes, for instance, commit to stop buying a new pair in the next six months. My husband is a shoe collector freak which ended when I declared “war”. The kids did not get expensive toys. They were very happy just browsing at the bookstore not minding the toy store at all. Packed lunch for school helped save on meal expenses. The occasional money allowance was necessary to empower them on how to budget.

5. Save even just small amounts.

I told the kids that once they graduate, financial support for most of their personal needs will be cut. Sure they could live with us only to save for their future home. When Lauren started to work in 2007, she suddenly found herself spending her salary. To encourage her to save, I demanded rent from her. I told her that saving just a little will amount to big amounts in a few months. Lauren was only twenty-two years old when she invested on a condominium project. Today, she now lives in this condominium. M, my second daughter moved to Australia using her own money to apply and travel to Australia for a year at around the same age. She has since moved to Europe last year.

6. Establish cash reserve

Financial experts recommend that every family create a cash reserve of at least 50 percent of their annual income. My dad was very good at maintaining liquidity. I fail in establishing that 50% cash reserve because I placed some of our cash in investing on real estate. Though not as liquid as cash, real estate investment protects me from two-digit inflation.

I think I might have ingrained the saving thing too much when I told my girls that I planned on having my birthday dinner in a restaurant. I thought they’d be happy that for once, we will be eating out. I never expected their reaction.

Mom why make other people rich? Let’s just have dinner at home!

I was surprised, But we barely eat out for dinner! It’s a treat and it happens only once a year.

Their firm response: Mom, dinner at home is so much better! Let’s save.

ngek.

There are many ways to live within our means without scrimping our lifestyle. How have you managed?

A Treasured Christmas Tradition: Gingerbread man cookies

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Sparkling and dazzling lights dance around our Christmas tree. Hundreds of tiny lights run along the garlands like waves stretching all the way to the second floor. The girls’ bright red and green Christmas stockings hang on the garlands, just waiting to be filled up with yummy candies and goodies on Christmas day. These pretty colored things make me happy as I recall fond childhood memories.

It is not the pretty lights and brightly colored tinsels that excite my kids during the holidays. The spicy aroma of cinnamon, nutmeg, mace and molasses that wafts all the way from the kitchen to their bedrooms bring warm childhood memories. For the past 23 years, I have been baking Gingerbread Man Cookies during the first week of December. They associate Gingerbread cookies with Christmas along with the magical memories tied with it.

gingerbread-garland
Baking Gingerbread cookies was not a childhood tradition though. It must have been mom’s last Christmas season when I first met the Gingerbread man cookies lying on our dinner table. Mom’s Sally’s Bake Shop In Cebu often experimented with new products, and as a default taste tester, I took a bite and loved it. Mom died a few months later from breast cancer. Perhaps I wanted to bring back my mom’s memories during the Christmas season by sharing something about her with my kids who never knew her. I decided to experiment with the Gingerbread Man Cookies. The recipe was a challenge because she did not leave any behind. Knowing my mom, she probably got it from Betty Crocker or in one of her baking books. After a lot of trial and error, I modified the original recipe and called it my very own Gingerbread Man cookies. Most gingerbread recipes contained too much ginger which children did not like. To add a magical touch to the Gingerbread cookies, I concocted a tale of the running Gingerbread Man.

As soon as the first batch of gingerbread men cookies are baked, my kids’ eyes lit up, so eager to eat them. I beg for patience because I want to read a story first. What I do is place a cookie on a plate and then gather my three kids around my arms. I bring out the picture book of the “The Gingerbread Man” and read it aloud to them. The story revolves around a baker who bakes a gingerbread man for his wife and himself. The gingerbread man comes to life, realizes his creator’s plans for him, and runs away. Everyone in town tries to eat him but he just keeps evading them until finally, a sly wolf tricks him into walking right into his jaws.

As soon as the story ends, my children runs towards the plate, now even more excited to eat the first gingerbread man of the year. To their surprise, the plate is empty. “The gingerbread man has escaped, find him!” The kids scramble all over the room searching for the missing gingerbread man until they find it hiding among the books or by the computer keyboard.

The kids are adults now and much too old for gingerbread games. I forgot how they found out that the gingerbread man never really ran away. I confessed many years later that I asked one of our helpers to hide the gingerbread man while they were distracted by the story. Were they bothered by the tale? One daughter says “that doesn’t keep me from feeling a little warm and fuzzy inside as gingerbread men bake in the oven and the house gets filled with the aroma of molasses and spice. I really should get around to learning how to make these cookies. This is a tradition I’d like to pass on to my children.

Though I don’t read the Gingerbread Man story anymore, I hang the cookies up as decorative edible items on the garlands of our kitchen and dining room. The kids share the cookies to their close friends or give it away as gifts.

This is just one of our special Christmas tradition in our family. Each family develops its own traditions. Sometimes we start new traditions, keep treasured traditions or discard a few that no longer apply. The thing that makes each holiday memorable is the unique spin your own family puts on tradition. Tradition is more than a right way to do something. The small rituals and customs that are repeated from year in and year out give our family something to anticipate While some traditions are passed on from generation to generation, I brought some of the old, added a few pieces of new and tweaked yesterday with today in hopes of creating another memory for tomorrow. These memories last forever.

Here is my Gingerbread Man Cookie recipe

Fighting back against bullying

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Kids know best on what parents need to parent about. Running out of topic ideas, I went to my daughter’s room asking her for suggestions. Without hesitation she squealed ““bullying”. Oh, how she knows this topic so well. My heart goes out to my two girls who had to deal with the school bully. I teach my kids to be good girls but how to deal with a bully? I didn’t want them to be the bully nor wanted them to be bullied. I engaged in role playing where I pretended to be a bully and I taught the girls to be gently firm with their bully. Such tips included but were not limited to ignoring the bully and walking away, not showing anger nor hitting back. Along with these, I continued to develop their confidence by honing their skills in music and to open communication lines.

Role-playing was easier said than done because it needed the cooperation of school authorities. My daughter who was then in Grade 1 once wrote me a note that she felt terrible in class and if a street mouse had the same feelings. Now that she is an adult, she articulates these feelings. ““Think about it. You’re a little kid, and all you really want is to make friends with the kids you go to school with everyday. Then you find out that not only do your schoolmates reject your attempts at friendship – they also make fun of the most trivial things about you, like the way you speak. You start to wonder if maybe there’s something seriously wrong with you because nobody can seem to like you for the way you are. You start hating yourself and constantly doubting your abilities, and you find it difficult to open up to people and form deep friendships with anyone.”

stop bullying

What about the bully? Bullying is violence, and it often leads to more violent behavior as the bully grows up. My daughter reflects back on these unpleasant experiences. As a bully victim, her story doesn’t sound particularly traumatizing to an outsider. One doesn’t have to get beaten up in the playground to develop emotional scars that stay on for the rest of your child’s life – especially when the damage is psychological, which is what female bullying is about.

Knowing the bullying tactics that victimized my sweet and gentle daughter just broke my heart. During the nineties, talking with the teachers and guidance counselors were futile. All they could muster to say is ““your daughter has to learn to live with these bullies”. Moving schools was an option but where? Anti-bullying campaign in Philippine Schools was not yet in place in the mid-nineties. Today, schools are more enlightened to embark on anti-bullying programs to lessen the instances of bullying on campus by creating a supportive school community of students, teachers, and parents. Some of these schools are not cheap but it doesn’t mean parents are helpless. Home schooling is an option but it is not for everyone.

DepEd issued the Child Protection Policy guidelines May last year in partnership “with civil society groups, teachers’ groups, private and public school representatives, and international agencies. Bullies will receive a warning and reprimand for the first and second offense, respectively, and one0week suspension for the third offense.”

Schools should already implement a safe school program that includes fighting against bullying. Through the persistence of the parents, a comprehensive, school-wide framework was developed for the prevention of bullying or any form of discrimination or harassment can be done. My sister initiated one in her son’s school. She told me the goal of their program is ““to use interventions at the levels of the student, parents, and school to ensure that all concerned are given a consistent, coordinated, and strong message that bullying will not be tolerated and that it can be prevented if everyone works together.”

bullying2

Just like real-life situations, knowledge on parenting in a digital world is crucial for monitoring cyber-bullying. No one wants to see their children hurt and become helpless in the process. If parents do nothing, nothing will happen. The bullying won’t stop. ““What kind of lesson will be passed on to our children if their elders shrug off bullying as something totally normal?” That is the question that my daughter imparted to me. Our young kids need to know that we are speaking out for them when their voices are left unheard in school. It is time for parents to speak up and fight against bullying.

The father of my children speaks up on #BestStartsWithDad

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my husband the father of my children

A few weeks ago, I was horrified to see Mead Johnson Nutrition ads in this blog that supposedly honor fathers on Father’s day. Why would Mead Johnson Nutrition (MJN) spend so much money on gadgets to entice everyone to submit pictures of fathers and their kids? Why will they spend on ads in all TV stations this afternoon? Do you think MJN cares about the nutrition of their children. Think about it.

My friend Jen explains it best in her comments at the Chronicles of a Nursing Mom

Think about this. Mead Johnson, a milk company (yes, the ENTIRE RANGE from forumla to older people milk), focuses on dads. Dads feel good (marketing nga eh, diba?)! And who wouldn’t with the carrots they’re dangling (gadgets, etc). One day Mom has a new baby and she might be having a difficult first 2-3 days. Dad remembers MJN and says “honey, bili nalang tayo ng ********, para di ka mahirapan.” Then that can RUIN the REAL BEST START ng baby — ang Breastfeeding. When Dads do this, MJN HOPES that the dads remember them. (this is where it translates to sales for MJN).

By convincing dads that the best start to life is Mead Johnson Nutrition, I feel they are undermining breastfeeding ““by removing a crucial factor in the successful breastfeeding relationship- the dad”.

In an exploratory study, “paternal emotional, practical and physical supports were identified as important factors to promote successful breastfeeding and to enrich the experience for the mother and subsequently the father.”

Dads do make a difference.

The father of my children has been so supportive of breastfeeding since day 1. He never had any sleepless nights because our babies just latched on to me and slept peacefully. In those days , I had no peer group or websites to give me the moral support. It was just my husband and myself believing that we were giving the best nutrition to our children.

It is just the two of us right now but we have not forgotten our child-rearing days. I told Jenny that we should honor our husbands, the father of our children through a live-stream chat. Much to my delight , my husband agreed to participate in this live stream chat of “#BreastfeedingPH discussion with moms & dads #BestStartswithDad”.

butch my husband

In the first part, moms talk about the support, the love and dedication that their husbands gave them when they were breastfeeding their babies. In the second half, we discuss the importance of being breast feeding advocates. The breastfeeding advocacy includes protection, promotion, and support. “Protection means you fight those people who are fooling us. Promotion, that you make mothers want to breastfeed. And support, because even mothers who want to breastfeed need to be supported.

Lastly, the moms sent the sweetest Father’s day message to their husbands thanking them for their support and their recognition that the #BestStartswithDad is Breastfeeding

Listen to their father’s day greeting in this video (around the 1:00 hour mark):

Happy father’s day to all the dads for their dedication, commitment, persistence and support to breastfeeding, as the best start to our children’s nutrition.

When I look at my daughters I see myself…only better.

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Mothers of daughters are daughters of mothers and have remained so, in circles joined to circles, since time began – Signe Hammer

daughters

It’s amazing. I can’t believe how grown-up my daughters are. My eldest is 27 years old and my second is turning 26 years old. They are just wonderful. Twenty something years ago, my life revolved around them, changing diapers, running after them, reading stories, driving them to school and back. Life with grown up daughters is like having two sisters.

daughter Gone are the days when I’d tie pretty pink ribbons on their hair. These days, we borrow each other’s clothes, make-up, accessories that our helper can’t tell anymore who owns a particular clothing item. Lauren does my makeup on special occasions. I tell her to camouflage my sagging eyelids and does a good job at it. They update me with the latest fashion. They serve as my personal stylist suggesting colors, hairstyle, makeup. Oh and one time, I borrowed money to pay our electric bill when I was short in cash.

daughterOf course , motherhood wasn’t all that smooth-sailing , having gone through stages of motherhood that went rocky in the teen years.

Don’t these words sound familiar?

4 Years Of Age – My Mommy can do anything;
8 Years Of Age – My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot
12 Years Of Age -My Mother doesn’t really know quite everything.
14 Years Of Age -Naturally, Mother doesn’t know that, either
16 Years Of Age -Mother? She’s hopelessly old-fashioned
18 Years Of Age -That old woman? She’s way out of date
25 Years Of Age -Well, she might know a little bit about it
35 Years Of Age -Before we decide, let’s get Mom’s opinion
45 Years Of Age -Wonder what Mom would have thought about it
65 Years Of Age -Wish, I could talk it over with Mom

For each phase of motherhood involved adjustment and letting go.

I know I have been an disappointment in the turbulent years of my grief. I often wondered how to make up for those lost years and I read somewhere that the best way to help your kids is just taking care of yourself and they will follow suit. Like Wayne Dyer said, “Your children will see what you’re all about by what you live rather than what you say.” We muddled through those tough years, and after much trial and error, I believe we have now come full circle.

So gone are those days when I would nag “Ugh , clean up your room.” These days “your room is so pretty if it were just more organized” which often leads to action. I want them to enjoy life, party hard, be safe and responsible.

What I hope most for my daughters is that they soar confidently in their own sky, whatever that may be.

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I wish they will always be with me to love and to hold but I know at the same time, I should just step back and watch then fly high and free. Now they have flown their wings and I am left with an empty nest. Though it makes me a bit sentimental, I am glad I gave up my career to be with them during their growing years.

Happy Mother’s day to everyone.

Does media play a role in distorting the values of young people?

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“Children learn how to deal with relationships by what they see on TV. They see people having casual sex and using obscenity-laden language… I don’t see how it could possibly be good for kids.” – Faye Steuer, professor of psychology at Charleston College (Charleston Post and Courier, August 25, 2005)

 

More than a year ago, a  13-year-old boy shot his 16-year-old friend inside a mall then killing himself . So tragic and unbelievable. It just broke my heart for someone so young to feel so much despair.

Did the boy even get the chance to talk to someone much wiser about his emotional problems? People were quick to blame the security of the mall.

Someone points out it is possible that media “played a role in distorting the values of young people to lead them to over-the-top emotionalism and a hunger for ultimate acts of drama for the sake public attention or impact? ”

With media and access to the internet available to everyone, the process of maturation has completely changed — if not accelerated at breakneck pace. Change in the world today has become reckless and there is no stopping the endless shifts of trends and fashions. Media and the worldwide web play major roles in the everyday lives of almost everyone especially the young. What kids see and hear and absorb shape how they think, feel and react to circumstances in their awkward developmental years.

I knew the dangers of technology that enters a young kid’s lives when internet arrived in our household in 1996. Media whether it be TV or the internet has an impact on the behavior and development of children. The amount of sex and violence on TV today dwarfs what was on when I was a kid. Can we blame media? There are things we cannot control but we as parents can surely control the TV and internet time of our kids. Most kids tune into the world of television long before they enter school. I do not know the circumstances of the kids involved in the malls shooting incident. I believe too much of anything is bad for our children and that means being tuned to TV , gadgets or internet for long periods of time.

There are other activities to distract our children and this includes a board game, a game of hide and seek, playing outside, reading, working on crafts or hobbies, or listening and dancing to music. The possibilities for fun without the TV and computer is endless.

TV and the world wide web is full of stories and commercials that depict risky behaviors such as sex and substance abuse as cool, fun, and exciting. A discussion about the consequences of drinking alcohol, doing drugs, smoking cigarettes, and having premarital sex is always a good idea.

I took it as my responsibility to monitor content of TV programming and internet time and set viewing limits to ensure that my kids did not spend too much time on it.

It is worrisome thinking about other children and the negative effect of media on their emotions and behavior.

Does media play a role in distorting the values of young people? So what can we do? Parents, educators and relevant government agencies can work together to minimize the negative effects of media and at the same time celebrate the positive aspects.

The blame game is utterly useless now. Action starts in our own homes.

“I really believe that we do damage children by the messages we show them when they’re too young.”- Marshall Herskovitz, co-executive producer of Thirtysomething