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Recovery Tips

Being Right

Being in recovery is not about being right. It’s allowing myself to be who I am and accepting others as they are. I cannot help it if others perceive me in a positive light while others look at me as the complete opposite. One’s perception of me is based on another set of circumstances while others based it on my past mistakes.

That concept of “being right” is difficult for many of us if we have lived in systems that functioned on the “right-wrong” justice scale. The person who was right was okay while the person who was wrong was shamed. The value and worth may have depended on being right; to be wrong meant destruction of self and self-esteem.

I don’t have to stand up for myself when I know I did nothing wrong but I have the responsibility to set boundaries and take care of myself. I do not need to justify taking care of myself by condemning someone else. I avoid the trap of focusing on others instead of myself.

At first I could not figure out what Patricio Mangubat’s entry on The Genesis of Every Blogger Byte meant. I wonder what he meant when he said:

People like Butch Dado and his lovely wife Noemi, Dang, Janet, JV and all others are trying their darnest best to keep the Pinoy Blogosphere clean as a whistle but this stupid ingrate tried to spoil everything.

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The Worldwide Candle Lighting on December 14, 2008


2008 Annual Worldwide Candle Lighting Services

Communities across the globe will be joining in The Compassionate Friends 12th Annual Worldwide Candle Lighting on December 14, 2008. In the Philippines, it will be held in Quezon City.

Where: 2nd level, University of the Philippines Institute for Small Scale Industries
E. Virata Hall, UP Diliman Campus
Diliman, Quezon City
View Map

Date: Sunday , December 14, 2008
Time: 5:00 to 8:00 PM
Please email me at noemidado@gmail.com if you want to join the memorial service.

Click here for Venue List of Other Countries

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Grief Over Marky Cielo & Lea ALyanna De Vera’s Death

Even if I have lost a son, I still cannot imagine what it is like for Marky Cielo’s parents. I cannot imagine the horror of Lilian de Vera, the mom of Lea Alyanna, the 7 year old girl caught in a crossfire, found dead on dimly lit Sampaguita Street along with 10 other people, including eight of the suspected robbers, and her husband.

I can only imagine Lilian’s devastation as she cried out…

““Why do you have to kill my little angel? Why do you have to kill my husband? He’s a good man. We’ve done nothing wrong to you.”

The real cause of Marky Cielo’s death is hazy at this point. His family said he died while he was sleeping. But the Antipolo Doctor’s Hospital cited the reason as “confidential.” Some showbiz insiders speculate that it was suicide. Others go as far as saying, “It was prompted by love.” Just like that, a life is gone. So young, so soon. Their deaths were so sudden, just like my son’s death.

One of the things so astonishing about losing a loved one is that, while the sun continues to rise and set, newspapers continue to be delivered, traffic lights change from red to green and back again, our whole life is turned around, turned upside down. That devastating feeling, I know for sure.

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Thank You For the Music

Last night, my nephew, the son of Oscar, my late brother asked me if I knew the notes of his dad’s award winning composition Pangarap ng Musmos (Dream of the Youth) which was played over 30 years ago in an Ateneo College Music Festival. I told him I didn’t have it but if he can hear the notes, it is easy to take it down. Honestly, I haven’t heard my brother’s composition for a long time now and decided to turn it on again. As I listened to “Pangarap ng Musmos”, the tears just rolled down my cheeks as the lilting music streamed through my bedroom. As I watched a video of my brother playing Love Story on the piano, the more I sobbed. What irony! He was dying of leukemia as he played the melody.

I missed my brother so much and listening to his music made me feel he was right there in the room, playing it for me. The heartfelt passion as he played every note in the piano moved me so much. I also missed my other brother Reuben and my dad and mom. I counted 4 deaths in my family of origin. not counting my own son. Five deaths in my immediate family.

It is easy to count what we do not have.

I cannot ignore fleeting moments of nostalgia. In my sadness, I assessed what I had. I counted my blessings.

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Dealing with Death at Mom Works Lifestyle Channel


Mom’s the Word, a feature from Mom Works in the Lifestyle Channel touched on how I turned around my grief, co-founded The Compassionate Friends (support group after a death of a child) in December 2005 together with my dear friends, Cathy Babao-Guballa and Alma Miclat. The feature also shows how I started this blog on February 2006.

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Getting Through Stressful Times

I worry about my daughter who is still in the states. She is there for vacation and some thesis research. It’s natural for a mom to worry especially if she finds out that her daughter’s housing is unpredictable and her money resources are slowly dwindling off. I keep telling her to move to my sister’s place in the suburbs of San Francisco but all she says is I have to learn to start living in the real world.

Yes, she is right. She is an adult and needs to learn to solve her dilemma.

Being the protective mother, I can’t help feeling disappointed that her original housing plan did not materialize. I feel like calling my bitch powers and spew out a tirade of tongue-lashing at the person causing her discomfort and misery. I check myself and remember that my daughter is not a little child. She is not the little girl that I use to place a band-aid on her knee. She can fight her battles. . The ““band-aid” she needs is just within her reach.

It really bugged me that things didn’t work out as planned.

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Mead Johnson’s Enfakid A+ Milk Formula Does Not Nourish Your Kids’ Brain

Oh the irony of Enfakid A+ Milk Formula with Nourishing the Brain and the Pursuit of Excellence!

Milk Formula Manufacturers are quite aggressive in their marketing campaign that they are not checking their “trying to be smart” ads. Blooey first pointed out the Enfakid Milk Ad as shown in the Inquirer (Page D3, October 22) and I want to re-post the photos and explanation below.


Flipping through PDI today, an ad reads… (page D3)

Flap opens to…

And then the milk formula in the corner.

Their ad further shows that

Your child can learn, discover and imagine far richer with Enfakid A+. Now with enhanced DHA levels that help brain cells communicate well to support your kid’s rapid mental development. Nourish the brain. Pursue Excellence”.

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Kippy Cat Travels


I am right now in Narita airport en route to San Francisco and I might as well entertain myself before boarding time. It’s been years since I’ve visited the states not since the year before my son died in 2000. As my son and I sat on the airplane seat on board our flight to Cebu a few days before his death, he begged me to take him to the states the following summer. I hugged my precious boy and promised him I’d take him along because the previous years were spent with the girls choir tour in the US and Canada. It was his turn to be with me.

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Ely Buendia Rushed to Hospital, Eraserheads Reunion Cut Short


(Youtube Video of the Eraserheads Reunion Concert Grand Entrance by Karla Redor)

I don’t know why but I wasn’t surprised that the Erasehead Reunion was Cut short because Ely Buendia was rushed to the Hospital. Not that I wished the concert would turn out badly, but I was thinking of Ely’s physical and emotional state as the concert went along.

At around 8:00 PM, my husband and I passed by Two Serendra to check on the progress of the condo renovations. I wasn’t aware that the concert was right beside Two Serendra until tonight. Listening from the 5th floor of our condo, I could hear the countdown then much later, the Alapaap song being played. From that distance, the sounds didn’t seem too blasting. I felt relief not having to hear the thud-thud of the drums and the blaring amps. Loud music causes my heartbeat to race like crazy. The last concert I went to caused my heartbeat to go thump-thump for more than an hour.

I turned to my husband and thought out loud “How can Ely survive those blaring sounds?” “And how can he sing just days after his mom died?”

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