Recovery Tips Archives » Page 7 of 33

16Nov 2015

Overcoming SADness

Written by Excel Dyquiangco as originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles

The emotions and attitude of people sometimes get affected by the weather. When it’s bright and sunny, our spirits are lifted. On the other hand, when it’s dark and gloomy, as it is usually during the rainy season, feelings of sadness and negativity often creep in. This condition is called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a depression that is connected with the changing seasons. In some worse cases, SAD, when not treated properly, could even lead to suicidal thoughts and death.

So what to do to overcome loneliness that can lead to SAD and depression?

Try light therapy. When it is dark and cloudy outside and there’s no hint of sunlight, create some light using Light Therapy Boxes. This kind of lighting is brighter than regular light bulbs and produces light in different wave lengths. Staying around the light boxes for thirty minutes can help can suppress your melatonin, a hormone that controls our moods. Change your bulbs to “full spectrum” bulbs” that imitate the full effects of sunlight.

Use a dawn stimulator. Dawn stimulators are regular alarms clocks. But instead of beeping or other noises, they produce a light that slowly increases in intensity, simulating the rays of the sun. There are different varieties of dawn stimulators. Choose one with a full-spectrum light because its lighting effect is close to natural sunlight.

Follow a workout routine. Working out daily even for just 30 minutes releases a “happy” hormone that recharges and makes us upbeat the entire day. The effects of a good workout are long-lasting and will benefit your metabolism and over-all health.

Go out into the sun. When the sun is out, make the most of it and take your early morning walk or run. The warmth of the morning sun can bring our energy back and revitalize your mood.

Have a regular schedule. People with SAD often have trouble sleeping and waking up in the morning. To counteract this effect, follow a regular schedule or routine to regulate your body clock which can help you sleep.

Keep your home bright and cheerful. Put in a few lights and lamps inside your to make it bright and radiant. Having ample indoor lightning can bring them out of the gloomy-weather doldrums, including, depression and SAD.

Treat yourself. There are days when the rains seem endless – and some days when it’s just a drizzle. Whether the rain lasts for hours or days, make sure you still treat yourself. Spend quality time with family and friends. Play board games. Indulge in a movie marathon and watch all your favourite shows.

Relax. Relax by reading a good book or listening to soft music. You can also contemplate and pray. Do everything that would make you calm.

Be sociable. Make sure to connect with your friends. Meet up for coffee or an afternoon of catching up. If you can’t meet them physically, stay in touch with them online through your social media networks.

Visit a doctor. SAD is not to be taken lightly and should be addressed by a health professional if needed. If you feel like you need to see a doctor who can help you deal with your condition, go ahead.

10Nov 2015

Enjoying Recovery

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 10 Comments

I am listening to this seventies music , Friends of Distinction “Great Day”. I turn to my husband and sing the song “Aint it a great day? Could it be better?” I love that 70’s music.

What a journey Butch and I have gone through! For some of you who know the inside story of our journey, it is a miracle that Butch and I have this second wind in marriage. We are enjoying this new life together. It’s been a wonderful journey yet we are constantly working on our recovery. As individuals, we are constantly evolving and changing.

Recovery is universal and applies to any crisis in life.

The road to recovery is often times hard and rocky. Sometimes we climb mountains. Sometimes we slide down the hill. Sometimes we take a breather.

Sometimes we grope our way through the darkness. There are times we get blinded by the sunlight. Often, many may walk the same road with us; sometimes we are alone.

Ever changing, interesting, and leading to someplace good or even better.

What a journey!

I continue to sing to my husband

Whatever we do dear,
There’s one thing that’s for sure
That nothing could be better
Than just being together.

He gives a goofy smile as if embarassed by my serenade. “we need to have a change of scenery.” and makes plans for a trip which might not materialize but it’s the romantic thought that counts right now.

I relax and enjoy this moment. I know I am right where I need to be on my journey.

25Oct 2015

Problems are Made to Be Solved

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 10 Comments

Problems are inevitable.

Some problems can be anticipated. Some are surprises. The idea that problems occur now and then need not be a surprise.

If there is one thing different between my husband and myself, it’s the way we look at our problems. Most of us rant now and then.

“Why is this happening to me?”

“Why is God not listening to me?”

“How come this had to happen?”

I guess he needs more time reacting to the fact that there is a problem than solving the problem.

Maybe it’s his coping process and I am there to balance it. Whenever he is in that frustrated state, my mind starts ticking about possible solutions.

The good news is that for every problem, there is a solution. Sometimes,

1. The solution is immediate;
2. It takes a while to discover;
3. The solution involves letting go.
4. The problem is ours to solve,sometimes it isn’t;
5. There is something we can clearly do to solve the problem yet other times we need to struggle, stumble, do our part , then trust God for help.
6. The problem is just part of life.
7. The problem is important because we are learning something through the problem and the solution.
8. The problem end up working out for good in our life.

Sometimes, problems just are; sometimes they are a warning sign that we could be on the wrong track.

I have learned to accept problems as inevitable part of my life. I’ve learned to find trust my ability to solve problems. I’ve also identified problems that try to lead us in a new direction and which simply ask for solving. I learned to trust solutions rather than be victimized by problems.

We can actually learn to focus on the solution rather than on the problem and maintain a positive attitude towards life and the inevitable flow of problems and solutions.

And guess what? After my husband is done with his litany of rants, his next question is always:

“What do we do now?”

My answer: Let’s come up with solutions.

19Oct 2015

It’s been 40 years since my mom died of breast cancer

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 28 Comments

It was a warm Sunday afternoon in 1972 as mom and I were taking a siesta by the porch. I still remember that fateful day when mom anxiously took my hand so I could feel the lump in her left breast. I felt the soft mass but I had no inkling that it was cancer then. Cancer does not happen to us. It’s an illness we just hear from other families like my next door neighbor who survived it anyway. I quickly erased the negative thoughts from my mind. Mom got operated that same week and it wasn’t good news. Her left breast had to be removed including part of her armpits where cancer cells invaded her lymph nodes.

Physical Therapy, radiation, chemotherapy, hair loss, a dozen wigs, remission, a relapse, a trip to New York to visit Betty Ford’s doctor, a visit to Lourdes, France for miracle water, black chickens for sacrifice, aphasia ensued for the next 3 years. Despite all the measures, mom died on July 25, 1976 at the age of 45 years old. I was on my third year of college in UP Diliman and together with my siblings, Lorna and Oscar, we took the plane to Cebu. I peered down the runway as the raindrops splashed the glass window as if in unison with the tears that fell down my cheeks. I was sad that my mom was probably dying and even sadder at the thought that my dad would suffer the pain of losing a wife. I wasn’t particularly close to my mother. Years of verbal and even physical abuse brought that awkward distance between us. Yes, it’s sad I didn’t feel maternal love from her. And vice-versa.

During the wake, we were told by the family doctor never to take birth control pills as it could trigger breast cancer cells. I forgot the reason behind this now.

Years later, I became a mother myself. A friend was dying of breast cancer. A worried Butch implored that I take a breast exam to rule out any breast cancer which could be in our genes. I was only 39 years old and I thought maybe I should take that mammogram before I hit 40 years old at about the time mom discovered the lump.

I took that painful mammogram test where the machine squashes your breast as it takes an x-ray. The results were not good. I quickly called David, my brother who was then a neurology resident at some medical school in the Philippines (the University of the Philippines-Philippine General Hospital (UP-PGH) ).
There was some hazy mass showing up on my left breast which was not palpable. It’s the same spot where mom had the lump. David strongly advised me to have immediate surgery to have it checked if it was benign or not. My brother said that breast cancer cells can be so aggressive and can quickly replicate in a few weeks. Shocked at two doctors’ medical opinion, I told myself that I cannot die now. Not when my kids are still so young. Lauren was only 10. M was 9 and Luijoe was 3 years old.

No, I cannot die yet.

I cried in bed and my thoughts went to my mom during the days she suffered from the ravages of her breast cancer. I imagined her in the same situation , livid with fear of leaving my young kids and husband. Then I prayed and asked for forgiveness and understanding for all those years that we drifted apart. Bearing a grudge or deep resentment on someone is like cancer cells eating up your heart and mind. With the release of negative emotions of the past, I was ready for my surgery but first I took the day off before surgery to be with my kids at the play center in the mall. Thinking I might die on the operating table, I held on to these precious moments by having a fun photo shoot with my kids. I thought with a heavy heart .

They will look back to these memories and remember that their mom loved them so much.

I surrounded my hospital room at the Philippine General Hospital with these photos. Just before I left for the surgery, I gazed lovingly at the photo of my three beautiful children.

I can’t leave you yet. God, don’t let me die.

I needed a needle localization of my “breast mass” because it was not palpable and my surgeon need to know the exact location of this mass. With the long needle stabbed on to my left breast, my brother wheeled me over to the surgery room. There waiting for me was an outstanding surgeon, Dr. Rodney Dofitas, my brother-in-law. I gave instructions for him to remove my breast if found to be malignant. With everything in order I counted to ten as I fought back the anesthesia to kick in

Much later, I woke up to my brother-in-law who cheerfully announced that the breast mass was benign. He excised the mass for extra precaution, hence my left breast is a smaller than my right one. I don’t mind the disfigurement at all.

My heart just leaped with joy. I couldn’t help but cry and thank God for giving me this second chance. My friend died a year after my surgery. When I reached my 46th birthday, I thanked God for each additional year in my life that my mom didn’t enjoy. I celebrate each year with joy and gratitude that my kids still had a mother in their growing up years. Every additional year is a bonus.

It’s been 40 years since my mom died of breast cancer and technology for early breast cancer detection is in place. Even the medications increase chances of survival. There is even breast reconstruction surgery. Talk to your doctor soon.

Go Pink in Support of Breast Cancer Awareness. National Breast Cancer Awareness Month is dedicated to increasing awareness of the importance of early breast cancer detection.

Photo above was taken a few months before mom discovered her breast cancer in 1972

13Jul 2015

On my Luijoe’s 22nd birthdate: Love lives on

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 2 Comments

When you remember me, it means that you
have carried something of who I am with you,
that I have left some mark on who I am on who you are.
It means that you can summon me back to your mind
even though countless years and miles may stand between us.
It means that if we meet again, you will know me,
and hear my voice and speak to me in your heart.
For as long as you remember me, I am never entirely lost.
~Frederick Buechner

Oh you’re not six years old anymore. I gushed over my boy. Luijoe, you’re so handsome! . I kept on hugging and kissing his sunburnt cheeks. Luijoe smiled and looked embarassed. Haha, maybe he didn’t want to be fussed over that much. After all he is now a young man not a little boy. Now I know how you look like as a 22 year old, I whispered to him, as I untangled the twisted knots from his long hair. Luijoe appeared again in my dreams. In my dream, we were back at our old house in Pasig, the house where he was born. I was aware that he died already so I wasn’t broken-hearted when I snapped out of lala-land. I felt so good to see him once again. It felt so real that I lingered in bed just savoring that poignant dream. This doesn’t happen often and I bet Luijoe appeared in my dream because it is July 13.
A few years ago, I pondered on how Luijoe looked like as a teenager. I always think of my son as forever “six years old” . I can’t help thinking of his looks since he is supposed to be twenty two years old today. Early this month, my husband dreamt of him as a tall, lanky and handsome boy almost his height at 5 feet 9 inches. I wished that I could also see him in my dreams. Even just in a dream. And true enough, last night my husband and I dreamt of him in different circumstances. Dreams and memories are all we have left of our beautiful son but that’s enough to get us by till we meet again.

Yes, it is July 13th but there is no birthday cake, no birthday presents, no birthday party and no birthday boy to celebrate his 22nd birthday with. Despite the limitations, we will celebrate Luijoe’s day with a simple home-cooked lunch of pasta and barbecue with my family. As always, I will light a candle in his memory table and visit his resting place to place some flowers. As I light a candle in Luijoe’s memory , I do so with gratitude that he lived and that we shared a life with so much love.

I will continue to keep Luijoe’s memory alive in my heart and in my mind since it is a very important part of who I am today. I want his memory to live on forever and for Luijoe to never be forgotten.

I take comfort knowing the fact that everything I had with Luijoe when he was alive still lives in me. He lives in every word and action I do for the rest of my life.

17Jun 2015

There is more to life than increasing its speed

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 1 Comment

It’s a beautiful day here in Daluyon Beach and Mountain Resort in Palawan. I am here for work (more on this in another blogpost but the short of it is The Province of Palawan, Palawan Tourism Council, Department of Tourism and USAID-Advancing Philippine Competitiveness Project have collaborated to launch the World’s Best Island campaign in support to the DOT’s Visit Philippines 2015.)

While at the beachfront yesterday, this dog approached me and even sat beside me, so I took a selfie. Cute ! I took the time to enjoy nature with this adorable dog. Just being zen. Enjoy the moment.

The Zen approach: nothing is there to be done. There is nothing to do. One just has to be. Take a rest and be ordinary and be natural.

These days, I find myself getting busier and busier. I have slowed down considerably as health is still wealth. It is not fun when things become to be a burden. Like Douglas Pagels, I think it is sometimes “..important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it’s essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow.”

—–

On a lazy Sunday afternoon, I get reminded to just be. I often find myself with my pet cat, Missy who “meowed” asking to be placed on my lap as I watched TV with my husband. My pet never fails to make me smile. I picked her up and placed her on my tummy. She looked so contented. Missy stares at me as if reminding me that I need to be relaxed and be playful. Like always, she massages my belly with her paws. I find it so de-stressing. I am thankful for these quiet times.

I hope you can join me , take a deep breath, relax and enjoy some terrific quotes from Zen masters to soothe your being.

““The quieter you become, the more you can hear.” Baba Ram Dass

““This art of resting the mind and the power of dismissing from it all care and worry is probably one of the secrets of energy in our great men.” Captain J. A. Hadfield

““No matter how much pressure you feel at work, if you could find ways to relax for at least five minutes every hour, you’d be more productive.” Dr. Joyce Brothers

““Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” William S. Burroughs

““Calm in quietude is not real calm. When you can be calm in the midst of activity, this is the true state of nature. Happiness in comfort is not real happiness. When you can be happy in the midst of hardship, then you see the true potential of the mind.” Huanchu Daoren

““There is more to life than increasing its speed.” Gandhi

““The tighter you squeeze, the less you have.” Ma-Tsu

““When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” Francois de La Rochefoucauld

27May 2015

My beloved son, in our arms for a little while, in our hearts forever.

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 1 Comment

My heart still aches to hold you
I close my eyes and see,
Your face now, 15 years later
And who you were to be.

In our arms for a little while, in our hearts forever.
It’s been 15 years. Love never dies.

Today is Luijoe’s death anniversary, the “Angel date” as the Compassionate friends call it.

My daughter messaged me, “Hope you’re not too sad today” and I said “Am okay. Tears are not buckets anymore. Just tear drops.”

” Tears are words the heart can’t express.” Sometimes, there are just no words to describe the overwhelming loss.

Though the pain and sorrow still flows 15 years later, I know one day we will be reunited. I maintain a sacred bond with my son which is very vital to my well being. I have these moments when I dream and imagine what my son looks like now. He’s such a handsome boy.

I catch myself glancing at other boys, children of friends with similar age as Luijoe. There is Dine’s daughter and Jane’s son with similar ages. I can’t help but smile at how grown up they are because at the back of my mind…this is how Luijoe is today at 21 years old.

I wonder if my Luijoe would still be singing as he used to do as a six year old kid. He loved watching his two older sisters during choir practice. Pop music fascinated him . He would always ask me to download mp3 files of his favorite songs at Napster. Then he would sing and dance to the music. That always made me smile. I took note of his mp3 playlist at my old computer right after his death as follows:

You can check out my Spotify playlist

1. Mirror, Mirror- M2M
2. Never be the same again- Melanie C
3. Feeling so Good- Jennifer Lopez
4. Oops I did it again – Britney Spears
5. Bye Bye Bye- NSync
6. Northern Star- Melanie C
7. Dear Lie- TLC
8. How can I not love you- Joy Enriquez
9. Be with you- Enrique Iglesias
10. Never Let You Go- Third Eye Blind

These are the thoughts that I want to picture 15 years later. I can’t help but smile and tear with these thoughts . But one thing is certain after all these years. In my heart, Luijoe lives on, always there, never gone. I can hear him whispering in my thoughts:

And I will be beside you
Every day and week and year,
And when you’re sad I’m standing there
To wipe away that tear.

10May 2015

I am a mother of three children. Thank you for remembering my son.

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 5 Comments

I love the thought that my son is still alive in someone’s memory outside of my family. Today , being Mother’s day, I received a lot of greetings but this one touched me the most:

Sorry we haven’t been in touch. You’re always in my thoughts. It’s an honor to meet such a youthful looking mom like you. You’re getting younger each year. Thank You for leading by example to all Pinay moms. Your story of ‘recovery’ is a powerful force on what can mothers do for their kids. Your son couldn’t be prouder. …! Happy Mother’s Da !

. If someone greeted me a Mother’s day greeting 15 years ago, I would have cried . Mother’s day is a terrible day for those of us who have lost a child recently. Over the years, I’ve come to understand that I’m not alone at all like this mother who wrote about the the real challenge after losing a child: moving forward. As G.K. Chesterton wrote, “We are all in the same boat in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty.”

Oh, I remember those days in early grief when it took every ounce of strength to just get through a minute of a day. Time indeed helped tame my emotions over Luijoe’s death so much but sometimes when the question about children and numbers come up, I feel stumped. All parents who have lost a child sometimes don’t know how to answer that question.

The question How Many Children Do you Have pops up in any social gatherings.

You see, I can answer that one now. You all know I have 3 children. I don’t have to explain that to most of you, Yes, it depends on the person asking and when and where it is asked. If it is asked by a stranger at a restaurant where I sit with my two girls, it is usually assumed that I have two children. I let that slide because it is more or less something like, “Are these your two children?” and of course, I reply, they are.

If someone I’ve just met at church or a social gathering asks me how many children I have I will tell him or her that I have two on earth and one in heaven. Sometimes, the person does not know how to react and backs out with any follow-up question. This most certainly hurts. I can’t also blame them because death can be an uncomfortable topic to most people who can’t handle a tragic story. That’s why when I am not in the mood to explain, I just say “Two children”. There are some that ask about my boy in Heaven and I appreciate the opportunity to speak Luijoe’s name and talk about his life.

It is comforting to hear friends say “Luijoe”. It always makes me smile.

Each bereaved parent has their trigger point or point of pain. The number three when it comes to children sometimes hits me. Thoughts hover inside my head. I am a mother of three. A different grouping- two here and one in Heaven. But am I not still a mother with three kids?

11Apr 2015

National siblings day: We know each other’s hearts

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 20 Comments

Once upon a time, seven siblings lived in an almost perfect world with a strict mom and a loving dad. It seemed almost perfect because the seven siblings played and laughed day in and day out. They were each other’s best friends. Their mother did not allow them to play with the neighbors because she wanted them to be close to each other.

That perfect world started to crumble when the mother died from breast cancer complications in 1976. Life was not the same without a motherly touch but their dad pulled it off so well. He became their mom and a dad at the same time. In 1990, the siblings decided to have a family reunion because they felt their dad was going to die anytime soon. Two siblings were already in America at that time and it was going to be the first time to see each other in years.

Shortly after, the 27 year old brother, Reuben died of fulminant Hepatitis A. Health authorities discovered that there was a Hepatitis A epidemic in their area about the time of the reunion. What perfect timing for the Hepatitis A virus! It seemed an evil witch carried a poisoned apple during their party. Four other siblings including Lauren suffered from Hepatitis A. They filed a case against Metro Cebu Water District (MCWD) and won the case 12 years later.

In 1999, a 40 year old brother, Oscar died of leukemia (AML- 6) after an unsuccessful stem cell transplant in Bethesda, Maryland.

Perhaps grief overtook their father after witnessing the deaths of his two sons and his wife. A parent should not have to bury a son. After burying Oscar, the dad collapsed, had surgery and became bedridden by the time of his death in 2003.

Only 5 siblings are left. Four sisters and One brother.

That is the brief story of the deaths in my family (aside from my son). Three of them are now living outside the Philippines while my other sister lives in Manila. During the past years, reunions centered upon the burying of the dead or dying. Does it have to be so? For me, I needed to be with my siblings because they are all I have left of my childhood, where I learned the gift of laughter, music, and service to community.
When all of these deaths fell upon my family some priest suggested the ““Healing of the Family Tree” and gave me a prayer. Each night, I was to recite this prayer hoping in the belief that the curse of family deaths would end. I didn’t believe in it. Instead, healing should begin in each one of us.

We heal our family trees primarily by changing ourselves to be better persons, even much better than our ancestors could ever be. We heal our family trees by taking care of our health so our predisposition to certain genetic diseases will be curtailed. We heal our family trees by receiving a new nature through total commitment to God . Secondly, we heal our family trees by repentance and healing. The change starts in us. Healing starts in us. It was time to stop looking back at the past and move forward now.

And that’s what we all did. I am proud of each of my siblings who have made it their life’s mission to volunteer, engage in civic duties, or do pioneer medical research to our respective community. I won’t toot their horns on this because we are only answerable to God.

I visited my siblings in the US just to be with them, to laugh, to reminisce, to just be. Despite the deaths in our family, we, the five siblings felt life is too short to be bitter over the deaths in our family. What better time to reunite during happier times.

What does do good is doing good. For every action we take, the world is changed in some small way for the better, and then the actions taken become our living tribute to our loved ones. And then my siblings and parents are never entirely gone. They live in our actions.

I love my family.

And one day..the family of seven siblings and their mom and dad will be reunited together again in God’s time.

“To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.” ~Clara Ortega

05Apr 2015

Affirming what is good in my life

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 7 Comments

““A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.” Mahatma Gandhi

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.” – Dr. Napoleon Hill

Whenever something bothers me, I keep reminding myself that we cannot control people’s actions, attitudes and even events. I label it as the Three P’s (People, Places and the Past). The only thing we can control is our attitude. But it isn’t that easy. One of the choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think and using our mental energy in a positive way.

Positive thinking can be extremely difficult in stressful situations. Positive thinking does not mean thinking in an unrealistic matter or reverting to denial. If I don’t like something, I respect my own opinion. If a problem hits me, I am honest about it. If something isn’t working out, I accept reality. I don’t have to dwell on the negative portions of my experience. So here I am affirming what is good in my life.

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