Recovery Tips Archives » Page 8 of 34

17Jun 2015

There is more to life than increasing its speed

It’s a beautiful day here in Daluyon Beach and Mountain Resort in Palawan. I am here for work (more on this in another blogpost but the short of it is The Province of Palawan, Palawan Tourism Council, Department of Tourism and USAID-Advancing Philippine Competitiveness Project have collaborated to launch the World’s Best Island campaign in support to the DOT’s Visit Philippines 2015.)

While at the beachfront yesterday, this dog approached me and even sat beside me, so I took a selfie. Cute ! I took the time to enjoy nature with this adorable dog. Just being zen. Enjoy the moment.

The Zen approach: nothing is there to be done. There is nothing to do. One just has to be. Take a rest and be ordinary and be natural.

These days, I find myself getting busier and busier. I have slowed down considerably as health is still wealth. It is not fun when things become to be a burden. Like Douglas Pagels, I think it is sometimes “..important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it’s essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow.”

—–

On a lazy Sunday afternoon, I get reminded to just be. I often find myself with my pet cat, Missy who “meowed” asking to be placed on my lap as I watched TV with my husband. My pet never fails to make me smile. I picked her up and placed her on my tummy. She looked so contented. Missy stares at me as if reminding me that I need to be relaxed and be playful. Like always, she massages my belly with her paws. I find it so de-stressing. I am thankful for these quiet times.

I hope you can join me , take a deep breath, relax and enjoy some terrific quotes from Zen masters to soothe your being.

““The quieter you become, the more you can hear.” Baba Ram Dass

““This art of resting the mind and the power of dismissing from it all care and worry is probably one of the secrets of energy in our great men.” Captain J. A. Hadfield

““No matter how much pressure you feel at work, if you could find ways to relax for at least five minutes every hour, you’d be more productive.” Dr. Joyce Brothers

““Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” William S. Burroughs

““Calm in quietude is not real calm. When you can be calm in the midst of activity, this is the true state of nature. Happiness in comfort is not real happiness. When you can be happy in the midst of hardship, then you see the true potential of the mind.” Huanchu Daoren

““There is more to life than increasing its speed.” Gandhi

““The tighter you squeeze, the less you have.” Ma-Tsu

““When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” Francois de La Rochefoucauld

27May 2015

My beloved son, in our arms for a little while, in our hearts forever.

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 1 Comment

My heart still aches to hold you
I close my eyes and see,
Your face now, 15 years later
And who you were to be.

In our arms for a little while, in our hearts forever.
It’s been 15 years. Love never dies.

Today is Luijoe’s death anniversary, the “Angel date” as the Compassionate friends call it.

My daughter messaged me, “Hope you’re not too sad today” and I said “Am okay. Tears are not buckets anymore. Just tear drops.”

” Tears are words the heart can’t express.” Sometimes, there are just no words to describe the overwhelming loss.

Though the pain and sorrow still flows 15 years later, I know one day we will be reunited. I maintain a sacred bond with my son which is very vital to my well being. I have these moments when I dream and imagine what my son looks like now. He’s such a handsome boy.

I catch myself glancing at other boys, children of friends with similar age as Luijoe. There is Dine’s daughter and Jane’s son with similar ages. I can’t help but smile at how grown up they are because at the back of my mind…this is how Luijoe is today at 21 years old.

I wonder if my Luijoe would still be singing as he used to do as a six year old kid. He loved watching his two older sisters during choir practice. Pop music fascinated him . He would always ask me to download mp3 files of his favorite songs at Napster. Then he would sing and dance to the music. That always made me smile. I took note of his mp3 playlist at my old computer right after his death as follows:

You can check out my Spotify playlist

1. Mirror, Mirror- M2M
2. Never be the same again- Melanie C
3. Feeling so Good- Jennifer Lopez
4. Oops I did it again – Britney Spears
5. Bye Bye Bye- NSync
6. Northern Star- Melanie C
7. Dear Lie- TLC
8. How can I not love you- Joy Enriquez
9. Be with you- Enrique Iglesias
10. Never Let You Go- Third Eye Blind

These are the thoughts that I want to picture 15 years later. I can’t help but smile and tear with these thoughts . But one thing is certain after all these years. In my heart, Luijoe lives on, always there, never gone. I can hear him whispering in my thoughts:

And I will be beside you
Every day and week and year,
And when you’re sad I’m standing there
To wipe away that tear.

10May 2015

I am a mother of three children. Thank you for remembering my son.

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 5 Comments

I love the thought that my son is still alive in someone’s memory outside of my family. Today , being Mother’s day, I received a lot of greetings but this one touched me the most:

Sorry we haven’t been in touch. You’re always in my thoughts. It’s an honor to meet such a youthful looking mom like you. You’re getting younger each year. Thank You for leading by example to all Pinay moms. Your story of ‘recovery’ is a powerful force on what can mothers do for their kids. Your son couldn’t be prouder. …! Happy Mother’s Da !

. If someone greeted me a Mother’s day greeting 15 years ago, I would have cried . Mother’s day is a terrible day for those of us who have lost a child recently. Over the years, I’ve come to understand that I’m not alone at all like this mother who wrote about the the real challenge after losing a child: moving forward. As G.K. Chesterton wrote, “We are all in the same boat in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty.”

Oh, I remember those days in early grief when it took every ounce of strength to just get through a minute of a day. Time indeed helped tame my emotions over Luijoe’s death so much but sometimes when the question about children and numbers come up, I feel stumped. All parents who have lost a child sometimes don’t know how to answer that question.

The question How Many Children Do you Have pops up in any social gatherings.

You see, I can answer that one now. You all know I have 3 children. I don’t have to explain that to most of you, Yes, it depends on the person asking and when and where it is asked. If it is asked by a stranger at a restaurant where I sit with my two girls, it is usually assumed that I have two children. I let that slide because it is more or less something like, “Are these your two children?” and of course, I reply, they are.

If someone I’ve just met at church or a social gathering asks me how many children I have I will tell him or her that I have two on earth and one in heaven. Sometimes, the person does not know how to react and backs out with any follow-up question. This most certainly hurts. I can’t also blame them because death can be an uncomfortable topic to most people who can’t handle a tragic story. That’s why when I am not in the mood to explain, I just say “Two children”. There are some that ask about my boy in Heaven and I appreciate the opportunity to speak Luijoe’s name and talk about his life.

It is comforting to hear friends say “Luijoe”. It always makes me smile.

Each bereaved parent has their trigger point or point of pain. The number three when it comes to children sometimes hits me. Thoughts hover inside my head. I am a mother of three. A different grouping- two here and one in Heaven. But am I not still a mother with three kids?

11Apr 2015

National siblings day: We know each other’s hearts

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 20 Comments

Once upon a time, seven siblings lived in an almost perfect world with a strict mom and a loving dad. It seemed almost perfect because the seven siblings played and laughed day in and day out. They were each other’s best friends. Their mother did not allow them to play with the neighbors because she wanted them to be close to each other.

That perfect world started to crumble when the mother died from breast cancer complications in 1976. Life was not the same without a motherly touch but their dad pulled it off so well. He became their mom and a dad at the same time. In 1990, the siblings decided to have a family reunion because they felt their dad was going to die anytime soon. Two siblings were already in America at that time and it was going to be the first time to see each other in years.

Shortly after, the 27 year old brother, Reuben died of fulminant Hepatitis A. Health authorities discovered that there was a Hepatitis A epidemic in their area about the time of the reunion. What perfect timing for the Hepatitis A virus! It seemed an evil witch carried a poisoned apple during their party. Four other siblings including Lauren suffered from Hepatitis A. They filed a case against Metro Cebu Water District (MCWD) and won the case 12 years later.

In 1999, a 40 year old brother, Oscar died of leukemia (AML- 6) after an unsuccessful stem cell transplant in Bethesda, Maryland.

Perhaps grief overtook their father after witnessing the deaths of his two sons and his wife. A parent should not have to bury a son. After burying Oscar, the dad collapsed, had surgery and became bedridden by the time of his death in 2003.

Only 5 siblings are left. Four sisters and One brother.

That is the brief story of the deaths in my family (aside from my son). Three of them are now living outside the Philippines while my other sister lives in Manila. During the past years, reunions centered upon the burying of the dead or dying. Does it have to be so? For me, I needed to be with my siblings because they are all I have left of my childhood, where I learned the gift of laughter, music, and service to community.
When all of these deaths fell upon my family some priest suggested the ““Healing of the Family Tree” and gave me a prayer. Each night, I was to recite this prayer hoping in the belief that the curse of family deaths would end. I didn’t believe in it. Instead, healing should begin in each one of us.

We heal our family trees primarily by changing ourselves to be better persons, even much better than our ancestors could ever be. We heal our family trees by taking care of our health so our predisposition to certain genetic diseases will be curtailed. We heal our family trees by receiving a new nature through total commitment to God . Secondly, we heal our family trees by repentance and healing. The change starts in us. Healing starts in us. It was time to stop looking back at the past and move forward now.

And that’s what we all did. I am proud of each of my siblings who have made it their life’s mission to volunteer, engage in civic duties, or do pioneer medical research to our respective community. I won’t toot their horns on this because we are only answerable to God.

I visited my siblings in the US just to be with them, to laugh, to reminisce, to just be. Despite the deaths in our family, we, the five siblings felt life is too short to be bitter over the deaths in our family. What better time to reunite during happier times.

What does do good is doing good. For every action we take, the world is changed in some small way for the better, and then the actions taken become our living tribute to our loved ones. And then my siblings and parents are never entirely gone. They live in our actions.

I love my family.

And one day..the family of seven siblings and their mom and dad will be reunited together again in God’s time.

“To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.” ~Clara Ortega

05Apr 2015

Affirming what is good in my life

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 7 Comments

““A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.” Mahatma Gandhi

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.” – Dr. Napoleon Hill

Whenever something bothers me, I keep reminding myself that we cannot control people’s actions, attitudes and even events. I label it as the Three P’s (People, Places and the Past). The only thing we can control is our attitude. But it isn’t that easy. One of the choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think and using our mental energy in a positive way.

Positive thinking can be extremely difficult in stressful situations. Positive thinking does not mean thinking in an unrealistic matter or reverting to denial. If I don’t like something, I respect my own opinion. If a problem hits me, I am honest about it. If something isn’t working out, I accept reality. I don’t have to dwell on the negative portions of my experience. So here I am affirming what is good in my life.

04Apr 2015

My brother’s battle with Leukemia

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 13 Comments

April 3 is the 16th death anniversary of my younger brother, Oscar. He died from a failed stem cell transplant. He was only 40 years old. Oscar was diagnosed with Acute myeloid leukemia (AML-M4) on September 1, 1996. Getting sick of leukemia is a logistical nightmare especially if one is looking for blood type AB donors.

A caricature of my brother in 1982 when he managed our bakeshop, Sally’s Home Bake Shop

Our family worked diligently to support Oscar in his search for a cure, spanning hours and hours of research and inquiries through the internet and electronic mail. Research revealed that Oscar needed a stem cell transplant upon remission but unfortunately, he relapsed before we found a hospital within our budget. Cost of stem cell transplant ranged from 7 to 20 million pesos in 1998. The cheapest transplant was in Israel. To raise funds for his transplant, we put one of our properties for sale.

Fortunately, Oscar was eligible to participate in a Clinical trial at the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute (NHLBI) in Bethesda, Maryland. My sister’s friend who worked in that institute informed us of the clinical trial which was already in Phase 3. This phase is the second to the last step prior to making it a protocol among doctors. The stem cell transplant , medicines and hospitalization were free. Luck was also on our side because my sibling-doctor was an exact tissue match. The hospital required us to raise money for his board and lodging outside the hospital. Total budget for the 6 month stay was estimated to reach only 600 thousand pesos. Everything seemed perfect.

Oscar made the brave choice to undergo a stem cell transplant, knowing that there was a 50-50 chance he would survive, and that he had to take that risk. (View videotape of his reflections after the transplant )

The stem cells never had a chance to grow because of sepsis. After 6 months in NHLBI, the doctors sadly announced that he had to return to the Philippines. I guess the doctors decided they couldn’t do anything for him so they sent him home. Oscar, thin and black from the radiation treatment arrived on March 29, 1999. I held his frail hand and prayed quietly that God deliver him from his pain.

He smiled at me ” At least, we did not have to spend our inheritance to pay for my treatment”

We talked until he was tired. Knowing his days were numbered, I slept beside him that night .

Oscar held on to the hope that there was a chance to recover . Inspite of his optimism, he prepared for his death. He videotaped instructions for his two sons on how to run his lechon business, deposited college funds , dictated his last will and testament and discussed other matters.

On April 3, 1999, Oscar suffered a brain hemorrhage and died a few hours later.

When a sibling dies, all future special occasions will be forever changed. There will be no more shared birthday celebrations, anniversaries, or holidays. There will be no telephone calls telling of the milestones of a nephew or niece. The sharing of life’s unique and special events will never again take place.

In tribute to the memory of my brother, I created a memorial site which includes midi files of his compositions and some photos and legacies. I can just hear him playing his award-winning musical piece, Pangarap ng Musmos which is now a church song. Oscar is having a blast playing the piano with my son, my mom, dad and Ruben, another brother in heaven.

24Feb 2015

Hack it big: Unconventional life hacks for life’s common dilemmas

by webs ⋅ Leave a Comment

by Lean Panganiban, as originally posted at Philippine Online Chronicles

Sometimes, you need more than conventional wisdom and obvious advice to get yourself back on track. These productivity hacks might seem strange, but they can help not only to jumpstart your life, but make it big out there. You guys are open to pitch in. Leave tips you swear by in the comments section below.

WHEN WORK IS BORING.

#1: DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB JUST YET.

I’ve no idea how many internet stories you’ve read on how some successful person quit their job or got fired and dove straight to another company or launched an impromptu backpack adventure to the Amazon jungle. Mindlessly quitting your job without a plan isn’t really a wise thing to do. You may feel liberated, but the lack of income can really take its toll on your finances, especially if others are depending on you. Come up with a plan or have enough savings to tide you over for the short-term future, THEN, quit. Quit your job ONLY when it makes sense.

#2: TRY THE ONE-MINUTE RULE.

This is a pro-tip from Happiness Project author, Gretchen Rubin. The rule states that you should do anything that presents itself, right away, as long as you can do it in a minute. This means doing any task—from wiping off eraser crumbs from your desk, to filling in a form, to answering an email in a minute or less. According to Rubin, this rule is very effective in getting things done because it keeps all those small thing, nagging tasks under control. If done right, it can make your life more serene and less overwhelmed.

#3: BUILD YOUR OWN MUSIC FORTRESS.

On a lazy day inside your gloomy office cubicle, there’s nothing better to do than to listen to this song. Feel inspired to launch into your own little happy dance after.

WHEN RELATIONSHIPS ARE, UM, COMPLICATED.

#1: TURN SOMETHING UPSIDE DOWN.

Turning something upside-down, whether physically by flipping a piece of paper around or metaphorically re-imagining the process can help you see patterns that wouldn’t otherwise be obvious. The human brain has a bunch of pattern-making habits that often obscure other, more subtle patterns at work. You might want to ponder what a relationship issue or problem would look like if the least important outcome were the most important, and how you’d try to solve it then. Changing the orientation of things can hide the more obvious patterns and make other patterns emerge.

Relationships CAN be as easy as making pancakes.

#2: TAKE A SHOWER AND SLEEP ON IT (WHEN HAVING AN ARGUMENT WITH SOMEONE).

A lot of people swear by these! Maybe there’s some kind of weird psychic link between doing relaxing things and good anger management. Why does it work? Maybe it’s the soft sheets and olive-scented pillows, maybe it’s the warm water relaxing you, or maybe the fact that your mind is on other things. Whatever it is, it’s a mystery!

#3: TRY TO NOT USE THE PHONE WHEN HAVING DINNER WITH FAMILY.

I am late in my twenties. Like all yuppies out there, I am having a hard time not looking at my phone for an hour or so. But when I do leave my phone alone and look at my family while we’re having dinner together, you can see my them light up. Also, they become a lot more talkative and livelier.

#4: BRAG.

Describing why and how you got a stable career after college is the new COOL. I won’t go deep here as you probably get it already. But believe me, it works!

WHEN YOU’RE GOING THROUGH A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS (let’s talk about when you’re smack dab in the middle of one!)

#1: ASK A CHILD FOR SOLUTIONS.

Children think and speak with disregard to convention and that is often helpful to us, adults.

Ask a child how they might tackle a problem, and you might be surprised how uncomplicated a thing is in their eyes. This doesn’t mean that you have to dash out and build a rocket ship because a child told you so—the idea isn’t to do what the child says, but to walk your own thinking into a more unconventional path.

Sometimes, non-conformity is cool. Just don’t let the humans and chief get you.

#2: READ ABOUT THE COSMOS AND DISCOVER HOW SMALL YOU ARE.

The universe is huge and you are tiny. Now, think about how the earth seems in comparison to you. Think about how even in this universe, the earth, the other planets, our sun, are just specks inside the huge dust of it all. You will be surprised to know that there are 300 billion other stars in our tiny corner of space. This 209-second video will make you question your life and your existence. Out of the quadrillions of creatures in this planet, we’re the only ones with soul and awareness of all these. This awareness allows us to create and understand, tread on this world lightly, and ultimately connect to something higher.

#3 HANG OUT WITH SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE.

I am not suggesting you dump the old ones, just add more to your list. Seek out successful, bright, funny, interesting, wonderful women (or men) and make them your friends for unselfish reasons.

#4: STOP READING INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES.

Depending on what you feel the day you read them, inspirational quotes can be misleading sometimes. Stop regurgitating these self-help clichés and do the actual work instead. You might find this article helpful.

*Photos owned by the author.

14Feb 2015

To love and to be loved by you, our child,…an honor and so blest.

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 8 Comments

It was sometime January 2004 as I was wheeled through the Operating room of the Philippine Heart Center for an angiogram procedure. Three doctors told me that my heart had blocked arteries and I will need an angioplasty. Two diagnostic tests revealed the necessity for an angioplasty. At that time, all I could think of was the expense, something like 500,000 pesos ($10,000). As I hovered between sleepy state and consciousness , I remember thinking that it was alright to die. I would soon be rejoined by my son. No big deal. As I lay there on the operating table, my cardiac surgeon motioned me to watch the procedure on the TV screen. The sight of my beating heart made me queasy . A few minutes later, the surgeon announced “There is no blockage”

I sought for my sister, a doctor who watched the procedure. She confirmed that I didn’t need angioplasty.

I found out that I had a “spastic heart” which didn’t require an angioplasty. My grief during the past 4 years took a toll on my heart.

In the recovery room over 11 years ago, I mulled over the death of my son . Life did go on even if my heart was broken. I didn’t know how physically broken it was. Our heart is fragile even if the heart muscles are strong. It goes on beating even during the darkest hours . When devastation made its mark , it felt like my heart would never know joy again. The diagnosis awakened something in me. God had given me another chance in life, perhaps to help others or continue to give love to others. One thing I knew for certain, that day marked my road towards a healthier grief journey. I discovered that the heart mends itself, but not like before. There is a scar in my heart which will always remain there. There is a tender spot inside where once the gap was wide. It is healing.

I am grateful that my heart is healing . I am grateful to be alive to give love and receive love.

Happy Love Day to all.
—–

My precious Valentine’s Day Memory. Though death has taken you away from me, my son, my love for you will never die. Love never dies.

“To love and to be loved by you, our child,…an honor and so blest,
Our time on earth cut short, it’s true … But We Sealed It With a Kiss.”

30Jan 2015

Farewell, Fallen Forty Four! #Fallen44 #SAF44

by webs ⋅ Leave a Comment

By Lakwatserang Paruparo as originally posted on Blog Watch, Philippine Online Chronicles

They chose to become policemen.
They strived to be the best they can be.
They didn’t really want to be heroes.
They just wanted to do the job they loved to do.
And that job is to defend the country and their countrymen.

They lived by their core values of Service, Integrity and Excellence and their motto is “By skill and virtue, we triumph.”

But life can really be cruel sometimes. Despite the intensive training they got for being an elite group known as “The Philippine National Police Special Action Force” or “PNP-SAF,” it is unfortunate that the bullets that killed them knew no training to recognize them. Instead, the ones who pulled the trigger on them were the ones highly trained to recognize them as the enemy.

And so they fell.

Image from @MisterBanatero. Some rights reserved

Forty four brave young men fell doing their duty to their motherland. They fell on an unfortunate day, a Sunday. They fell on a day when people were mostly worshipping and praying for peace. They even fell on the birth anniversary of the late President Corazon C. Aquino on January 25. Incidentally, on January 29, 1991, or 24 years ago, she signed Republic Act 6975 and with it, the PC-SAF became the PNP-SAF. The objective of the said Act was the need to reshuffle and revamp every government agency to facilitate the transition of the government from Dictatorship to Democracy.

Those who have seen the photographs of the Fallen 44 on television cannot help but feel a tinge of sadness as if they know them personally. There is an invisible thread that somehow linked the country to them and their loved ones, a link that understood the grief, never mind the reason for their deaths. I watched and felt sad. As a mother, I couldn’t imagine what their own grieving mothers are feeling right now. I could only reach out in prayer that their souls journey and rest in blissful peace after their bodies have been brutally massacred.

President Benigno Simeon Aquino III, son of the late President Cory, declared January 30, 2015 a “Day of Mourning” for these brave and fearless officers of the Special Action Force.

As in the days of Typhoon Yolanda, or the early days of the Pork Barrel and DAP controversies, or even the recent papal visit, nothing divides our country more than opinions relating to the words and actions of the President. I know he cannot please everyone: there will always be dissenters, bashers and critics and there will also be the perennially jaundiced followers and apologists but amidst all these, surely, there’s the right thing to be done at the right time and the right place. It’s not giving in to popular demand or riding the tide of a politically correct decision. It is simply being human and humane devoid of political trappings.

Prior to the “Day of Mourning” were days of waiting and expecting, and eventually, bashing and defending not just in social media but in mainstream media as well. #NasaanAngPangulo trended worldwide more than “TruthfortheFallen44” or “SAF44.” Former Presidents and former Generals joined in the fray as the President, his concerned cabinet members and the officers involved in the cover operation were catapulted into the limelight of notoriety once more. Suddenly, everyone had an opinion. Suddenly, everyone wanted to be heard. Suddenly, the war turned to a word war that burned in cyberspace.

That wouldn’t have been the case had the President did what he should have done as Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of the Philippines and as a human being. The Head of the Roman Catholic Church, the charismatic Pope Francis just barely stepped out of our country leaving a trail of hope and faith amidst chaos and despair when everyone was suddenly jolted back to reality. The least that the Filipinos wanted to hear from the President during his televised address of the nation last January 28 was an honest-to-goodness admission of accountability instead of a “tour’ of his mind with its intricate and oftentimes misplaced logic that perfectly screamed “evasion!” What’s wrong with saying “I am responsible” the way sacked PNP Chief Supt. Getulio Napeñas stated? What’s wrong with saying “I am sorry” for the botched covert operations? Does he need the blood of 44 more men to write that down?

Then came the day when the 44 bodies in metal caskets arrived at Villamor Air Base where the #Fallen 44 was given the appropriate honors. After the much-criticized speech, the President could have redeemed himself by being present at the ceremonies. Voila! He wasn’t! Instead, he chose to grace the previously scheduled inauguration of the Mitsubishi plant in Sta. Rosa, Laguna. It’s in times like this when I think having a wife would’ve been beneficial to him because a woman’s wisdom sometimes can save a man’s ass. And I wonder, who in the world advised him to put a car above a soldier’s dignity, and never mind going to the arrival of the bodies because he will lead the necrological services anyway?

And people continue to ask, where is his mercy and compassion? If the Pope himself expressed his desire to be with the Yolanda victims as soon as he heard about the disaster in Leyte, and if he insisted on flying to Tacloban amidst a Signal No. 2 typhoon, why couldn’t the President personally condole with the bereaved loved ones and be at the arrival of the slain SAF officers? Why, oh, why?

Image by Paolo Arevalo. Some rights reserved.

Being there for someone in times of loss is more than enough comfort. It means a lot to have someone like the President of the country to be there to show he truly cares, that he has a heart for those fallen soldiers who he called heroes. Never mind if he doesn’t admit that he gave the marching orders and sent those men to their graves. There is no need for words, a strong presence is more than enough to show his big heart, if he really has one.

People of the Philippines: “Sir, where were you when your presence was needed most?”

President: “I don’t think I was ever asked that question. At the same token, parang it’s a rhetorical question, ‘di ba?”

People of the Philippines: Was that to much to ask, Mr. President?

Mismo!

Farewell #Fallen44

29Dec 2014

Flower Power, Make Love Not War

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 4 Comments

Smile. God Loves You. I often scribbled those words in my diary way back in the early seventies when I was in High School. I also picked up Flower Power, a slogan likely coined by Alan Ginsberg in 1965. It referred the hippie notion of ““make love not war,” and the idea that love and nonviolence, such as the growing of flowers, was a better way to heal the world than continued focus on capitalism and wars. I often ended my diary entry with a smiley face and a flower on top of the hat.

The idea of using flowers to express a movement gets at the heart of hippie identity. As a teen, the flower power drawings were everywhere. Flowers are so pretty and no wonder I always adorn my home with flowers. The simplicity of the flower, its ties to the earth and natural origin, and its beauty were all things this counterculture movement wanted to remain close to. In the end, there’s a beauty and grace to the flower power movement, even though it ultimately did end badly for more than a few people. Like many movements which may have many good intentions, certain aspects, like an emphasis on drug use, contributed to its destruction. Like any flower, the flower power movement grew for a time in the mid to late 1960s, and then withered sadly by the early 1970s.

Flower Power will always ring true in my heart. And I want to shower you with Flower Power.

Make love, not war.
Most often demands of life may sometimes get in the way of most couples. Being intimate, whether it’s a quick hug, holding hands, a quick massage on the shoulder, a snuggle on the couch, or a night of passion, needs to be scheduled into every day. Without fail, I practice intimacy with my romantic husband (well, except when he is goes inside his bat cave) and children every day.

Give peace a chance.
Pick your battles carefully. Sure, that latest gossip can be so annoying. Some may think that by exposing others, they themselves appear more righteous. Remember. when YOU point a finger, there are three fingers pointing back at you. Blowing out someone’s candle does not make yours shine brighter. But is that gossip worth an armed conflict? Only you can make that decision. Maybe conceding the battle will win the war in the long run.

Flower power!
Never underestimate the importance of a heart-felt apology, with or without flowers. If you acted like an idiot, admit it. The words ““I’m sorry” heal and bridge the gap. There are times we act in ways that are less than comfortable. But we don’t have to say ““I’m sorry” if we didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t have to apologize for taking care of myself, dealing with feelings, setting my boundaries , having fun or getting healthy.

Indeed there is beauty in grace in Flower Power. It’s healing.

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