Is gossip good or bad? If I tell my daughters that gossiping is bad, am I right? If psychologists inform me that gossip is inevitable and extremely beneficial, are they right as well? Yes, there is good and bad gossip and we need to distinguish the two.
As psychologist James Lynch puts it: “Human dialogue can be a great healer or a great destroyer.”
In my opinion, there should be two separate words to connote spreading information in the absence of those about whom we speak. “Gossip” should be reserved for the negative transmission of stories that aim at maligning one’s character, integrity, behavior and essence. “Godspeak” could serve as the term used for dispensing positive, admiring, loving and positive information about others.
The benefits of gossip is beneficial for creating a healthy connection, building social norms for acceptable and unacceptable behavior and improving society.
Just recently, I was told about a person’s moral integrity. Without giving sordid details, I was shocked that the gossippee (the gossip victim) is capable of such an immoral act. Shaking my head, I believed the gossippee might have their side of the story. I was in for another shock. True enough, I had the chance to talk to the “gossippee” and their version was the total opposite of the “gossipper”. Confusing? It breaks my heart because I know both of them and they are wonderful people. I don’t know whom to believe. Such an accusation is total defamation to the character of both the “gossipper” and the “gossippee”.
Did the “gossipper” intend to harm the “gossippee”? If harm is the intention, this is a most despicable behavior that is never justified. If the gossip is true, I believed the gossipper’s intention was to create boundaries in friendships. But still….Gossiping about another for motives of diminishing him or her in order to build up themselves or to judge the person hurts friendships in the end.
That last gossip encounter made me realize that if people can gossip about other people in front of me, then I could be the next gossip victim.
All I could tell the gossip victim was to just live their life in a healthy manner and to prove that the “gossip” was a misunderstanding. It got me thinking too ” why didn’t the gossiper resolve the issue directly to that person?” Direct , clean conversation clears the air and paves the way for good feelings about ourselves and our relationship with others.
I resolved that I will resist and place boundaries when I am faced with another gossip.
Here are some tips I read to deal with gossip better:
For those who have been reading my blog for the longest time now, I refer to my second daughter as M. I think I have mentioned before how M is such a private person, opting to keep a private blog for her close friends. She used to own two domains during her high school years. Her blog had amazing and original graphics. In fact , she churned out new designs every week. Quite a prolific web designer. I begged her to design customized headers for my blog and even willing to pay for it. I remember teaching her Adobe Photoshop basics when she was a pre-teen and she became quite adept at it, more than I could ever be.
I wished I had bought something new or had my hair done at the salon for our anniversary dinner. Come to think of it, does my husband really care? I don’t think so. Apparently he can’t even tell if I’ve don a new hairstyle or bought a new dress. I can walk past by him with a new dress and he wouldn’t blink an eye. It didn’t matter really because I was bent on celebrating our 22nd wedding anniversary with a simple dinner with the girls. It turns out that our day contained a lot of little gifts which I call blessings.
Rubbing my eyes, I thought I saw him hold a breakfast tray . He says “it’s my wedding anniversary gift for you, dear” as he plants a kiss on my forehead. I smile and thought “My husband is so sweet , romantic and thoughtful”. Then he lays the tray on my lap. 
I think I have mentioned before that my husband is 
