The Troubled Mind of the Virginia Tech Shooting Suspect

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My heart goes out to the victims in the Virginia Tech mass shooting incident. So many young lives wasted, so many tears, so many questions. WHY? WHY?

I can just imagine the grief and hoplessness the victims’ families are feeling right now. What boggles me is the mental state of [tag]Cho Seung-Hui[/tag], the 23-year-old suspect in the [tag]Virginia Tech[/tag] massacre that left 33 people dead and others hospitalized.

What troubled him?

Take a look.

On Tuesday, authorities identified as a senior undergraduate English major at the school, where officials have said that Cho’s creative writing was so disturbing that he was referred to the school’s counseling service, the Associated Press reports.

“He was a loner, and we’re having difficulty finding information about him,” school spokesman Larry Hincker said Tuesday. Police and university officials, however, could not provide any reason for why he might have been responsible for the deadliest shooting rampage in U.S. history.

Still, the Chicago Tribune reports that Cho was becoming increasingly violent and erratic, and that he left a rambling note in his on-campus dormitory room in which he railed against “rich kids,” “debauchery” and “deceitful charlatans” at school. The paper, on its Web site, also said he recently set a fire in a dorm room and stalked some women.

Source: Virginia Tech Suspect Called ‘A Loner’

I agree with Cathy that bullying can be a culprit or some childhood abuses might have aggravated his state of mind. A high school classmate says that Cho Seung-Hui was bullied by fellow high school students who mocked his shyness and the strange way he talked.

His professor had concerns over his creative writing and who described Cho as “troubled.” Apparently he was referred to the counseling service, though the results are unknown as of this time.

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Travel and Online Friendships

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In a few hours, Lauren will be on board the plane for Singapore with 2 guys (both brothers) *gasp* . One of the guys is Lauren’s band manager. I didn’t know she was travelling with 2 guys. The mother of the guys called me up and assured me that Lauren will be in safe hands. That was sweet of her to call me but I trust Lauren knew she would be in good company. At the last minute, the female companion backed out.

She loves the excitement and the adventure of travel. The travel itch started at the age of 10 years old when I “forced” them to join a cultural exchange program (choir tour) in the USA and Canada every summer. Those were my stage mother years where the girls were caught in the hustle and bustle of stage performances. During those travels, I taught the girls every immigration , travel and plane procedures because I knew they’d be travelling almost every year and I wasn’t sure if I’d always accompany them. I didn’t know it then but today, they tell me that their travel experience is something that they will always treasure.

While at Singapore , Lauren will meet up with a few Singaporean bloggers who have been her readers for the past decade. Imagine that!? During the early days of the internet, I was often questioned why I allowed my children to get online.

Questions often asked were:

Am I not afraid of pedophiles? Am I not wary of the pornography ? What if the online friend is really some serial killer?

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A Daughter’s Crush and Fears

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At the iblog 3 Summit, my daughter who was seated beside me whispered “mom, I’m beginning to like *blogger’s name*. He’s cute.”

Surprise! Surprise! Okay, I was surprised at two things :

1. Wow, she’s starting to confide again.
2. I didn’t realize *blogger’s name* is her type.

I turned towards the direction of my daughter’s affection and giggled at her ear “oh yes, I agree. he’s handsome but I didn’t know you liked him. He seems like a nice guy but..I don’t really know him that well. ”

“do you think he likes me?” she caught my wrist, motioning me to keep my voice down.

I shrugged “now why would I have that information? if *blogger’s name* liked you, why in the world would he ever tell me? I’d be the last person he’d confide to. ”

“He’s cute” she continues to gush.

***A few hours later***

She whined “Mom, I don’t think I have a chance with *blogger’s name* . I don’t think he likes me. He didn’t seem interested in a conversation”

“Don’t worry. Men can be clueless. Just be friends for now. Who knows what will happen?” I adviced her.

“Mom, I think he might be afraid of you”

“Now why would he be scared of me? If he has bad intentions, then he ‘d better be scared of me. I bite.”

I don’t blame her for thinking that way. Old feelings probably came rushing on to her.

I had the “NO BOYFRIEND TILL YOU ARE 18” rule. My daughters knew of this rule since they turned 13. I think it stemmed from my own upbringing. My parents instilled the same rule. Butch warned me that Lauren will have boyfriends like his sisters did when they were in high school. I assured my husband “Don’t worry. They won’t have any boyfriends”. So I thought Lauren would be like me , immune to guys. Despite the rule, I allowed my daughters to attend parties, hangout at the mall or receive phone calls from guys. I felt I wasn’t too restrictive despite the rule.

One day, I found out that 14 year old Lauren already had a boyfriend after the mother of the boy called me up. She wanted parental supervision. I flatly refused.

Being a control-freak mother at that time “NO OFFENSE ON YOUR SON, LAUREN CAN’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND.” My voice sounded a notch higher than usual.

That whole summer, she was grounded.

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iblog 3: Personal Blogging Success

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iblog 3A few bloggers like Abe and Anton shared their blogging success to the participants of the iblog 3 on its second day. My talk on the first day was “Personal Blogging Success” ( download the powerpoint of the My Personal Blogging Success Story). But how is blog success really measured? In terms of metrics, I am just average compared to Abe and Anton. What about blog goals? Definitely yes! The primary goal of my blog is to promote “grief support in the Philippines” so others may find solace or comfort in their grief journey. Success is measured on the number of inquiries and members in The Compassionate Friends and in Cathy’s advocacy, Grief Share. Like I mentioned in the summit, the rest is just “icing on the cake”.

Ambivalent feelings rushed over me as I prepared for this talk. I think it had to do with “survivor guilt”. Yes it still hits me sometimes. Guilt. When I feel the fullness and joy of life, I feel guilty that my loved ones are not here today. I felt sadness wash over me knowing that this blog would not have existed if my son died. I wanted my dad to hear me speak in public. Dad is my idol when it comes to public speaking. It’s the reason I always put Lardizabal-Dado in my name. These fleeting moments of sadness pass as I realize that the pain has turned into wonderful blessings. It is still hard for me to say I lost my son in public without tearing. And then the guilt hit me again as I stood on the podium. I sounded so bland in my talk. I had to get my bearings so I wouldn’t bring the summit into a tearful activity. I kept saying to myself Be present to this day…this day which is precious in itself and different from any other day I have had or will have

Life is full of wonder and love and I embrace every new person I met in the [tag]iblog 3 summit[/tag]. If I forgot to mention you, blame it on my fragile brain cells.

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Twitter Updates for 2007-04-13

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  • Am in the front row of the 3rd Iblog Summit. I had a hard time getting a wifi connection. Not many people inside yet. The place is huge. #
  • iblog 3 hasn’t started and it’s 9:18 am already. I see a lot of new bloggers Iin the audience that I haven’t met yet. That’s great. #
  • great we start in 5 minutes. Chris Haravata and Apples are to my left and a nervous Lauren is to my right. #
  • iblog3 just started with an invocation and the National Anthem. #
  • Chris Harvata talks about Blogging 101. Interesting to note that there is a 60 year old man and a 13 year old boy in the audience. #
  • Gmail is blocked by UP servers? even Adium! argh. Looking at the blogging demographics, my age group (>40 years old) is in the 1.7% #
  • Lauren is next. She is so nervous. I wish her luck. I will record her talk via garageband. First time to use garageband, can you believe it? #
  • Lauren’s topic is the Do’s and Don’ts of Personal Blogging. #
  • Lauren doesn’t look nervous to me. #
  • Iblog3 is on a break. Lauren’s talk was great. So many question.I will be the next speaker on Personal Blogging Success Story. #
  • finally met Dine (sexymom) who is so charming. Her photos don’t do her justice, Jangelo. And met Julie too. Haven’t met other bloggers yet. #
  • My talk ended. Now listening to “unlocking your creative potential” #
  • I am home now because I need to access my gmail. Wifi here sucks. My batteries died too.I will be back mid-afternoon after I finish my work. #
  • I meant wifi at the Iblog3 event blocks certain sites because of the proxy server. #
  • I went back to iblog 3. Around 100 in the audience. #
  • Lauren and I will attend the socials. The last speaker is talking about ethics. #
  • Just arrived from Iblog Socials. #
  • @aileen- nervous? You are going to do just fine.
    @sonnie- you are a sweet dad. #
  • i woke up to the google alert sound and was surprised to see an IM from annamanila. I should get up now. #

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First Day at Iblog 3- Blogging for Newbies

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laurentalk.jpgAll day yesterday, Lauren complained how she was nervous over her topic “Do’s and Don’ts of Personal Blogging for Iblog 3 Summit because it would be her first public speaking engagment. I told her not to worry and just be herself as if she were just blogging. True to form, she captured her audience with her wit and charm.Listen to Lauren’s Podcast and judge for yourself. Her powerpoint can also be downloaded as you listen to her podcast. (Warning to sensitive readers: May contain Offensive language in the Podcast Intro)

In answer to the question if I read her blog. I know Lauren has a private blog since she entered college which I don’t bother to find out but I read her public blog. Recently , I was asked if I cringe over the cuss words that she uses. Her blog is her way of expression and for me to censor it is just not right. She limits or avoids cuss words in front of us. I don’t curse myself but her dad does. So how can I tell my own daughter not to say words when her own father does it?

And I finally met Dine!

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Twitter Updates for 2007-04-12

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  • I am convincing sexymom to twit here. Ahh finally I see her entry. #
  • @sonnie- one of my highest organic searches is the “sex education in the Philippines” entry. Keyword “sex” ranks high in google image search #
  • @sexy mom -Fan dry your laptop, hurry.
    @manilenya- magandang umaga or tanghali na ba?
    Ugh my powerpoint iblog 3 edit work is gone #
  • Lauren and I are going to the gym. Workout time. Be back by 12? #
  • just arrived from gym then lost all that workout after eating carbonara and siopao. M’s pissed that online reg in UP isn’t working. #
  • now to finish my powerpoint which got erased. Lauren wants to use my nifty keynote tool but it expired. Boo. #
  • @sexymom- M is going back to UP tomorrow 8 AM. I’m having a pedicure home service at my bedroom while I continue my work. #
  • my colds are still bothering me. Still working on my powerpoint presentation for iblog 3. Then I’ll email it to Janette Toral. #
  • @sexymom- i hate the taste of brandy. I’ll just rest. Am done with my powerpoint.AH I see Lauren twittering. #
  • Just came from Gail to get the calling cards that Lauren and I ordered from her. So colorful and pretty. Mine is my blog’s blue theme. #
  • setting my alarm to 5:30am. Iblog3 tomorrow. Good night World. #
  • Good morning. Am leaving for UP at 730am. I have to drop M for her UP registration. Lauren and I will have breakfast somewhere in Katipunan. #

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Sugar Free Desserts at SugarNot!

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chocolate cakeTaking snacks and desserts can be quite a challenge for diabetics like me. Our body screams ““sweetness”. We can only stare and drool at that mouth-watering chocolate cake or blueberry pie on the party table. It disappoints me that not many coffee shops carry sugar free desserts or low carb, low fat dishes. I often chastise high-end coffee shops to place these healthy dishes on their menu. After all, their market includes the health – conscious who watch their carbohydrate and sugar intake. So when Blooey invited me to try SugarNot!, I couldn’t help but say ““YES”.

continue reading , Sugarnot! Sugar Free, Low Fat, Low Carb entry at my Pinoy Food Photo Blog.

Mini Blogging via Twitter

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I poked Sexy Mom via Google Talk early this morning to start using her Twitter. You’ve probably seen a few of my trivial Twitter Updates (using the wordpress plugin, twitter tools) and my Twitter badge on the right sidebar of this blog. Twitter is an update service or similar to a social networking site that lets you ““micro-blog” or write short (140 characters) quips on what you’re currently doing. It’s a nifty tool for people like me who work most of the time on the internet. All twitter.com does is ask: “What are you doing?” What I like about Twitter is that I can write the most irrelevant and mundane things without worrying if it’s blog-worthy or not. In short, Twitter is a mini-blogging tool. JAngelo wrote that someone said it can replace full-fledged blogging.

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