I woke up in tears this morning.
I dreamt that I was kissing and embracing my son, Luijoe. In my dream, he smiled and smirked as I smacked him on the lips and cheeks. Waves of happiness filled me. Joy lifted my heart. I felt like a white balloon, floating in bliss.
Then “POP POP”
March 7 is our 28th year anniversary. We ‘ve always celebrated it ever since we became steadies on March 7, 1978, way back during our carefree college days. I know steadies is such an obsolete word. What do kids call it these days?
And so 28 years ago, we looked like this:
I enjoyed my daily workout this afternoon. Since my daughter was with me, I just stayed for an hour and a half. I like to take my time in the gym if I am on my own. (methinks I have too much time on my hands. ) Later at home, hubby showed me the February 20 Newsweek edition on, “Exercise and Aging- How to Stay Fit Longer” . After reading the article , it truly affirmed the Fitness First expenses and the stationary bicycle recently purchased last month.
“A century ago the world’s major scourges were infectious and childhood diseases. Today it’s coronary-artery illness, diabetes and cancer. These are lifestyle disorders that have everything to do with poor diets and sedentarism,” says Holden MacRae, a sports medicine professor at California’s Pepperdine University. “With our cars, computers, electronic games and cell phones, we’ve engineered movement out of our lives.”
Wowowee will be aired again but there were lessons learned from the ULTRA tragedy. For one:
Now there will be separate entrances for senior citizens and children, who should be accompanied by adults. A blood pressure check is also mandatory for studio contestants, according to Cory Vidanes, ABS-CBN vice president for entertainment. ““Blood pressure rises with the excitement,” she explained. ““We want to make sure they can take this kind of excitement.”
Though I believe that the show promotes “mendicancy and dependency”, I am glad to know that they are having separate entrances for the children and the elderly.
There was one child victim from this tragedy and I had the opportunity to spend an afternoon with the bereaved family. This is my story that I wrote for The Compassionate Friends. (written on the day of her burial)….
It’s about time we take your Eye Angiogram to determine if there are any bleeding of the blood vessels, my opthalmologist told me.
That had me worried at first. I usually know when I have elevated blood sugar whenever my eyes feel heavy. When this happens, I exercise at my stationary bicycle to burn off some excess sugar in my system.
It pays to be careful because diabetes can cause blindness.
While at the computer, I overheard a conversation between Lauren, my daughter and her dad at the kitchen last night.
Dad, Pat (her boyfriend ) is bring me to Mandarin Hotel on saturday
*silence*
This is the music playlist I am listening to right now:
1. Mirror, Mirror- M2M
2. Never be the same again- Melanie C
3. Feeling so Good- Jennifer Lopez
4. Oops I did it again – Britney Spears
5. Bye Bye Bye- NSync
6. Northern Star- Melanie C
7. Dear Lie- TLC
8. How can I not love you- Joy Enriquez
9. Be with you- Enrique Iglesias
10. Never Let You Go- Third Eye Blind
Sounds old right? and teeny-bopperish? Hmm…
After dropping off my daughter at the library of UP Diliman, I got caught in traffic near the College of Law. Looking to my left, the pink posters made me giggle. Not that they were pink… I rolled down my car window and quickly took a snapshot using my camera phone.
One of my coping mechanisms after the death of my son was to focus on others in order to forget my pain . Years later when I visited a counsellor in a “well-known center” somewhere in Quezon City (which I don’t advise you go to, please), I was told that I was a co-dependent. I had no idea what that meant but according to the definition of co-dependency,
“Co-dependency can be defined as the tendency to put others needs before your own. You accommodate to others to such a degree that you tend to discount or ignore your own feelings, desires and basic needs. Your self-esteem depends largely on how well you please, take care of and/or solve problems for someone else (or many others).”
Okay so I put other’s needs before mine. But I thought that was a noble characteristic of mothers, don’t you think? or was I smothering? From the book, Codependent No More, I discovered I was too controlling over my children and husband. Perhaps because my life was out of control? Although I disagree with some co-dependent theories, the one I value most is Taking care of yourself.
