It’s Okay to Feel our Feelings

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I heard a voice so close to my ears “Are you tweeting??. I turn around to my husband and smiled, “Yes” then promptly closed my macbook.

What my husband really means is “I’m lonely here, give me some loving hugs”. You know, sometimes I can get really engrossed with my online activities that my husband has to remind me with these subtle hints. Being together for the past 35 years, I developed a fifth sense- the ability to be sensitive to his feelings and, to read his mind.

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It took a lot of years for me to finally understand his “language”. My husband is the type to “beat around the bush” before getting to the crux of the matter. For example,

If Butch wants me to do the grocery, he doesn’t request me to do it. He asks “I didn’t finish the grocery today. Do you think you have time to do the grocery tomorrow?” which I know really means “Do it for me, please”.

If that were me, I’d be more direct. I’d actually request it: “I don’t have time to do the grocery, can you do it for me?”

My directness brought me a lot of marital rifts in the past maybe because I did not say it gently. With time, I learned to use his indirect language when I know it calls for “beating around the bush”. Perhaps his beating around the bush is his gentle truth. It really drives me crazy to beat around the bush but that’s how he works.

I grew up with a family that was very open with our communication. If we didn’t like something, we said what was on our mind. However, direct statements can hurt. I learned a technique that does not make my family members defensive whenever I utter an opinion. I start the sentence with “I feel _______” statements. With varied emotions, I can say…

I feel worried if you go home late at night, Lauren which is far better than “You should be home by midnight or else….you’re grounded”

I feel sad that you yelled at me” after an argument which works far better “You are such a loud-mouth! Shut up”.

Feelings are never wrong because you own it. It is okay to have and feel our feelings—all of them. Maybe in the past I shut down the emotional part of myself to survive certain situations. Sometimes we shut down the part of us that feels anger, sadness, fear, joy and love. Many of us lived in systems with people who refused to tolerate our emotions. In the past, I felt shamed or even reprimanded for expressing feelings, and these are by people who were taught to repress their own feelings.

Times have changed now. It is okay now for me to acknowledge and accept my emotions. I don’t allow emotions to control me and ruin my day, neither do I need to rigidly repress my feelings.

I feel safe around direct and honest people. They speak their minds and I know where I stand with them. Like I said, that was not the case in the early parts of my marriage as my husband beats around the bush in expressing his feelings. Indirect people, people who are afraid to say who they are, what they want and what they’re feeling is not a comfortable feeling. They will somehow act their truth even though they do not speak it. And it may catch everyone by surprise.

I do not need to be judgmental, tactless, blaming, or cruel when I speak my truths. I can say what we need to say. I can gently, but assertively, speak my mind.

Freedom is just a few words away.

Fighting back against bullying

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Kids know best on what parents need to parent about. Running out of topic ideas, I went to my daughter’s room asking her for suggestions. Without hesitation she squealed ““bullying”. Oh, how she knows this topic so well. My heart goes out to my two girls who had to deal with the school bully. I teach my kids to be good girls but how to deal with a bully? I didn’t want them to be the bully nor wanted them to be bullied. I engaged in role playing where I pretended to be a bully and I taught the girls to be gently firm with their bully. Such tips included but were not limited to ignoring the bully and walking away, not showing anger nor hitting back. Along with these, I continued to develop their confidence by honing their skills in music and to open communication lines.

Role-playing was easier said than done because it needed the cooperation of school authorities. My daughter who was then in Grade 1 once wrote me a note that she felt terrible in class and if a street mouse had the same feelings. Now that she is an adult, she articulates these feelings. ““Think about it. You’re a little kid, and all you really want is to make friends with the kids you go to school with everyday. Then you find out that not only do your schoolmates reject your attempts at friendship – they also make fun of the most trivial things about you, like the way you speak. You start to wonder if maybe there’s something seriously wrong with you because nobody can seem to like you for the way you are. You start hating yourself and constantly doubting your abilities, and you find it difficult to open up to people and form deep friendships with anyone.”

stop bullying

What about the bully? Bullying is violence, and it often leads to more violent behavior as the bully grows up. My daughter reflects back on these unpleasant experiences. As a bully victim, her story doesn’t sound particularly traumatizing to an outsider. One doesn’t have to get beaten up in the playground to develop emotional scars that stay on for the rest of your child’s life – especially when the damage is psychological, which is what female bullying is about.

Knowing the bullying tactics that victimized my sweet and gentle daughter just broke my heart. During the nineties, talking with the teachers and guidance counselors were futile. All they could muster to say is ““your daughter has to learn to live with these bullies”. Moving schools was an option but where? Anti-bullying campaign in Philippine Schools was not yet in place in the mid-nineties. Today, schools are more enlightened to embark on anti-bullying programs to lessen the instances of bullying on campus by creating a supportive school community of students, teachers, and parents. Some of these schools are not cheap but it doesn’t mean parents are helpless. Home schooling is an option but it is not for everyone.

DepEd issued the Child Protection Policy guidelines May last year in partnership “with civil society groups, teachers’ groups, private and public school representatives, and international agencies. Bullies will receive a warning and reprimand for the first and second offense, respectively, and one0week suspension for the third offense.”

Schools should already implement a safe school program that includes fighting against bullying. Through the persistence of the parents, a comprehensive, school-wide framework was developed for the prevention of bullying or any form of discrimination or harassment can be done. My sister initiated one in her son’s school. She told me the goal of their program is ““to use interventions at the levels of the student, parents, and school to ensure that all concerned are given a consistent, coordinated, and strong message that bullying will not be tolerated and that it can be prevented if everyone works together.”

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Just like real-life situations, knowledge on parenting in a digital world is crucial for monitoring cyber-bullying. No one wants to see their children hurt and become helpless in the process. If parents do nothing, nothing will happen. The bullying won’t stop. ““What kind of lesson will be passed on to our children if their elders shrug off bullying as something totally normal?” That is the question that my daughter imparted to me. Our young kids need to know that we are speaking out for them when their voices are left unheard in school. It is time for parents to speak up and fight against bullying.

My Daily Positive Affirmations

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Whenever something bothers me, I keep reminding myself that we cannot control people’s actions, attitudes and even events. I label it as the Three P’s (People, Places and the Past). The only thing we can control is our attitude. But it isn’t that easy. One of the choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think and using our mental energy in a positive way.

Positive thinking can be extremely difficult in stressful situations. Positive thinking does not mean thinking in an unrealistic matter or reverting to denial. If I don’t like something, I respect my own opinion. If a problem hits me, I am honest about it. If something isn’t working out, I accept reality. I don’t have to dwell on the negative portions of my experience. So here I am affirming what is good in my life.

affirmation-tree-mindmap

One way to empower the good is through affirmation. They are simple positive statements we make to ourselves:

1. I am my own unique self – special, creative and wonderful.

2. My life is a joy filled with love, fun and friendship all I need do is stop all criticism, forgive, relax and be open.

3. I’m glad I am alive today.

4. I give out Love and it is returned to me multiplied.

5. Loving myself heals my life. I nourish my mind, body and soul

6. I have a wonderful husband and we are both happy and at peace.

7. I choose to make positive healthy choices for myself.

8. I choose love, joy and freedom, open my heart and allow wonderful things to flow into my life.

9. I attract only healthy relationships

10. I prosper wherever I turn and I know that I deserve prosperity of all kinds

So when you think the world is against you, just say this:

Today, I will empower the good in myself, others and life. I’m willing to release, or let go of, negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones. I will choose what I want to affirm, and I will make it good.

What positive statement do you say about yourself everyday? Please share.

The use of music therapy in hospitals

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It is said that music soothes the soul.

Chances are you have sung a song to your little one whenever they feel bad or get sick. Perhaps as a child, you’ve been lulled to sleep in the arms of your parents . You will most likely remember faintly one endearing song your parents would always sing for you. I know my girls did. It’s every parent’s instinct, even for somebody who can’t carry a tune, to sing to their child as a form of therapy. But is there truth to music therapy?

music therapy 1

My daughter suffered asthma attacks almost every month. With visits to the emergency room every month, I had to do my share in making her calm and relaxed to ensure a faster recovery. I gave her ““Visualizations for Mind Calming” of which the objective of the exercise is to gain practice in visualizing while at the same time soothing the mind. Calm and peaceful scenes from nature were quite helpful in erasing worries and distractions. I often said it out in a soft voice to imagine walking in a park, or in the woods, sitting by the lake, a walk on a hill or mountain, countryside or any spot that I though had a particularly soothing quality. Together with this mind-calming techniques, I added baroque music (specifically in largo beat) to get into slowed down body mind/body rhythms and manageable breathing.

baroque music

There is a huge difference between baroque and classical music. The baroque music composers are from the likes of J.S. Bach A. Corelli, G.F. Handel, G. Telemann and A. Vivaldi in the 1600 – 1760. The classical music is from the time period 1730 – 1820 and right after the Baroque period.

Music did pave the way for my kids to be calm and relaxed. As reported in Ostrander and Schrader’s “Super Learning”, research discovered that the ideal state for learning is when the brain is in a relaxed, but aware state. And when they say relaxed, they do not mean asleep, but relaxed, focused and aware. No one is too young or too old to enjoy relaxing baroque music. You can imagine the healing power of music.

children in music therapy

According to the American Music Therapy Association, music therapy is an interpersonal process in which the therapist uses music and all of its facets-physical, emotional, mental, social, aesthetic, and spiritual-to help clients to improve or maintain their health.

Medical practitioners around the world talk about the healing qualities of music. Barbara Crowe (past president of the National Association for Music Therapy) says “Music therapy can make the difference between withdrawal and awareness, between isolation and interaction, between chronic pain and comfort — between demoralization and dignity.” Dr. Oliver Sacks reports that patients with neurological disorders who cannot talk or move are often able to sing, and sometimes even dance, to music. Its advocates say music therapy also can help ease the trauma of grieving, lessen depression and provide an outlet for people who are otherwise withdrawn.

himig ng kalinga

I was impressed that GlaxoSmithKline Philippines, Inc. (““GSK”) instituted the Himig ng Kalinga program which is supported by doctor-recommended Paracetamol (Calpol) in partnership with key hospitals in GMA and Luzon. ). The use of music therapy in hospitals will surely help pave the way for the holistic wellness of every Filipino child.

music therapy from calpol

Dr. Jocelyn Eusebio , a Development pediatrician explained that music therapy is used on individuals of all ages for a variety of conditions, which include: psychiatric disorders, medical problems, physical handicaps, sensory impairments, developmental disabilities, substance abuse, communication disorders, interpersonal problems, and aging. When soothing music occupies the mind, it somehow allows the patient to ‘escape’ into ‘his or her own world’, also facilitating relaxation for the patient.

music therapy in hospitals

The program aims to bring appropriate and familiar nursery rhyme songs to in-hospital pediatric patients that will be performed by the program volunteers. An original song written by well-known song composer, Jimmy Antiporda, entitled ““Gagaling Ka Rin” will also be taught to the patients and parents to further uplift the spirits of these hospitalized children.

music therapy from calpol

Music is always familiar to children as they usually hear these wonderful sounds from home and school. It is something children are all touched by. Happy memories are associated with their favorite tunes. Nobody wants to be in a hospital, and the patients try to make the best of the situation and heal as fast as they can.

Remember music therapy is not just for the sick child. It is always good to sing lullabies to lull them to sleep or simply to relax them after a hyperactive day. Singing nursery rhymes with your child will surely get them off to a flying start. What is even better is singing with actions and encouraging your child to dance along to the beat of the music.

Celebrate, remember, and fight back

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This is a touching speech of my sister, the Vice Mayor of a city in the US about life and survival of cancer . The speech was delivered during a fund raising event for Cancer patients: Relay for Life, (American Cancer Society) . My mother died of breast cancer when she was only 45 years old while my brother died of Leukemia at 40 years old. This is for all the survivors and the families of those who have succumbed to the ravages of Cancer

Relay for Life Speech, June 29, 2013

vice mayor

We are here today because we all have been touched by cancer. Whether we are survivors or we have witnessed a loved one succumb to the ravages of cancer. We are here today as a community because as the saying goes, ““When someone has cancer, the whole family and everyone who loves them does, too.”

My mother died from breast cancer when I was sixteen. She was 45 years old.

My brother, Oscar, passed away after three years of struggling with leukemia in 1999. He was only 40 years old.

The beauty of cancer (if you can call it that) is that you have time to say goodbye.

What I remember most during the moments when my mother and brother realized the full impact that their lives would be ending soon was how they mourned for the things they could never experience. My mother wept as she said, ““I can never hold a grandchild in my arms.”

My brother, Oscar, mournfully said, ““What I fear most is that I will be forgotten.”

Oscar was lucky to have found a bone marrow match (our sister, Belen) and the stem cell transplant was done on Thanksgiving Day in 1998. I was there to hold his hand and tell him how much I loved him. I remember seeing the light of hope in his eyes as our sister’s stem cells flowed into his veins.

After the transplant, he said ““I know I will not live forever. Whether I die at 90 or if I die tomorrow, I am grateful for every moment, every day my life has been extended.”

He died 5 months later.

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This is why we celebrate, remember, and fight back. We celebrate the healing and survivorship of those among us.

We remember and honor the memories of those who have passed on and treasure the moments we had shared with them.

But we will not sit in self-pity and despair. We, all of us here, are fighters. With American Cancer Society, we will fight back by raising funds in a fun day to help find a cure for cancer so that one day, we will be free at last from the C-word.

cancer survivors
Opening Ceremony of the Relay For Life with Cancer Survivors on stage

Proud member of Mommy Mundo, Social Media Moms Community #SoMoms

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Contact #SoMoms at somoms@mommymundo.com. Visit our #SoMoms community

Using the monicker ““momblogger” was a matter of convenience. I wanted to be called by my first name. You know how Filipinos are. There is always a title before one’s name like Ma’am, Miss or Ate. The evolution of my online name was more for vanity’s sake. I didn’t want to feel old online. Years later, how would I have known that personal branding would define my online reputation and the focus of my advocacy?

Not so long ago, blogging was a popular medium. Blogging was a platform to share my story on how I lost my beloved son. There is hope after a loss of a precious child. There is a new normal , a new life after a loss of a child. The platform served me well because I was able to reach out to readers with similar losses. Twitter came but I used it mainly for broadcasting my daily grind . Then facebook, instagram, pinterest and other social networks soon sprouted. It is not just mom bloggers anymore.

social mom

The rise of social media moms is a new force to reckon with. According to the 2013 Social Mom report in the USA ( see study below), “moms in general tend to be heavy users of all the major social networks: YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google+. They also tend to have larger networks of friends and followers than the general population.”

1. Mom is a social leader
2. Social powers her life
3. Different social for different needs
4. The most social consumer you’ll meet
5. Marketing to Social Mom

Social moms in the Philippines are not just heavy users . They are influential in their community.

somoms community

Nuffnang was the source of digital ads for this blog for the past five years. It was time to move on to a community that can effectively deal with moms as an empowered consumer. Brands dictate too much on their own agenda but do they really care about mothers’ needs? Have they been communicating with us effectively? Whether we like it or not, the communications world is rapidly changing. Emerging media is ““the evolution of utilizing technology to share information in new and innovative ways.

It must have been fate that Mommy Mundo SoMoms came into my life early this month. This coincided shortly after I raised objections to Mead Johnsons’ sneaky #BestStartswithDad campaign ads in my blog.

Together with my good friend , Jane Uymatiao, we are the newest members of this wonderful community of social media moms. During Social Media Weekend, Janice announced that we are the newest members of the #SoMoms community . It is with great pride and joy to be with the mommies of the #SoMoms community. I feel positive with this community.

What is Mommy Mundo #SoMoms?

social media moms community

We are a collective of moms who are active on social media and have unique voices and points of view that are relevant to moms like us.

We have individual beliefs and advocacies covering a wide range of concerns that most moms today have namely, breastfeeding, babywearing, natural parenting, time management, mompreneurship, home management, beauty and fashion, health, and more.

We are passionate about sharing our discoveries with other moms, giving advice, creating conversations and building relationships online with our readers and followers.

We are proud to be social media moms. We are always online. We recognize the responsibilities of being an active influencer in social media and celebrate the opportunities that come our way.

Contact us at somoms@mommymundo.com.

social media moms

Marketing to Social Moms

With the help of our community, I hope digital advertisers shift their strategy and listen to our parenting needs and aspirations. The 2013 Social moms study reveal some tips:

1. Recognize she’s different, and so are her needs; how and what you talk about matters

2. Create a give-and-take relationship based on what she finds valuable

3. Listen to her. Act on what she says; if she asks a question, answer it – every time

4. Talk to her about things that have nothing to do with you

5. Support her busy life, don’t make demands, nurture her journey

The Social Mom is well connected and influential in her community. Moms like Jane and myself who transitioned from active parenting to being involved parents must not be underestimated.

Advertisers and brands seem to forget or underestimate a growing circle of Mom influencers and advocates who no longer have young kids. This group of Moms are my generation — older women, social media savvy, still involved with our families, wiser (we would like to think) after many successes and failures during our parenting years. We have survived the schooling years of our kids, even going as far as sleepless nights helping them with exam preparations, homework and projects. We graduated from tutoring as our kids graduated from school. We saw them through struggles to find employment on their own. We have been there through their heartbreaks and relationships. We have worried over them as they traveled to foreign lands. We have prayed each day for their protection as they drive off to work. And we remain a presence for them even if some of them have already left the ““nest” to settle somewhere else.

I am not a political blogger

I hope digital advertisers understand the advocacies I support. I am not a political blogger. I am a citizen advocate. As a mom blogger, I cannot isolate myself from the larger society. Yes, I may seem controversial but I do this to advocate social change.

My concern is to nurture both my family and community. Dealing with politics is incidental. Sometimes when you want change, the best way to attain is to through political means. But politics is not an end in itself but merely a means to an end. I use social media to drive an advocacy, to push for social good.

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This change benefits the country and eventually improve the business climate. Moms may react differently on specific issues but we all have a common concern : our children’s futures unite us.

Most of the moms in the #SoMoms community are so much younger than me. My daughter was kidding me that I am probably the only one with children who flew the nest.

I protested “I will always be a mom”.

ONCE A MOM, ALWAYS A MOM! No matter how grown the kids are, they will always be your precious babies in your eyes!

Contact us at somoms@mommymundo.com. Visit our #SoMoms community

Here is the 2013 Social Mom report in the USA

2013 Social Mom Report

A Healthy Attraction to People

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wedding2.jpgIt was in Twitter that I saw someone post…”asdfjhsda I’m so sick of weirdos! WHY CAN’T I ATTRACT NORMAL GUYS????????”. No offense to the guys who are attracted to that person right now, but the problem is not the guy. It’s you and me who are attracted to these types of person. My daughter and I had a conversation about how I got attracted to her dad. I remember now. I never lacked of a father image. My dad was a loving father, great provider and a mentor on handling life’s problems. But my loving dad was boring. He was so traditional and conservative, afraid to venture into the unknown. A perfect example was a trip to Europe with my sister and dad in the early 80’s. Dad preferred to take organized tours while my sister and I wanted to take the nearest train and just venture on our own. Most of all, he wasn’t demonstrative with his love. He never hugged us or said “I love You”. Subconsciously, I chose a spouse that was passionate, affectionate, happy go lucky and adventurous and to put it mildly, “wild and unconventional”. The truth of the matter was my marital problems were mainly caused by this happy go lucky trait.

When I planned on a separation with my husband a few years ago, I imagined I would find myself in another relationship. Who was I kidding? I needed to fix ME, first and foremost. The issue is about us and not the other person. That is the heart, the hope and the power of recovery.

Often, we learn about ourselves from the people to whom we are attracted. The basic question is : What then is a healthy attraction towards people?

1. In recovery, we strive towards a healthy attraction to people. We allow ourselves to be attracted to who people are not their potential nor to what we hope they will become.

2. We need to work family of origin issues. The less one needed to work out on these issues, the less one needed to work through them with the people one gets attracted to. It meant one needed to finish our business from the past as it helps us form new and healthier relationships.

What I needed to do was reach out to my inner adventurous spirit. I didn’t need a partner to compensate this for me.

3. The more we learn to love and respect ourselves, the more we will become attracted to people who will love and respect us and who we can safely love and respect.

Once we take care of ourselves, we start to value ourselves. Loving ourselves overflows and it transcends to others that value our love.

4. Be patient with yourselves. The type of people we find ourselves attracted to does not change overnight.

5. Learn to take care of yourself during the process of forming and initiating relationships. Learn to tread slowly, to pay attention and even allow mistakes , even when we know better.

6. Stop blaming our relationships on others or on God and begin to take responsibility for them. We can learn to enjoy the healthy relationships and extricate ourselves more quicly from the dysfunctional ones.

We learn to look what’s good for us instead of seeking what’s good for the other person. We need to take responsibility for ourselves and learn what we need to learn.

Trust that the people you want and need will come into your life.

I trust that my daughters will form a healthy attraction to people in their lives. I trust that they will be open to the lessons they need to learn about themselves in relationships so that they will be prepared for the best possible relationships with people.

The father of my children speaks up on #BestStartsWithDad

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my husband the father of my children

A few weeks ago, I was horrified to see Mead Johnson Nutrition ads in this blog that supposedly honor fathers on Father’s day. Why would Mead Johnson Nutrition (MJN) spend so much money on gadgets to entice everyone to submit pictures of fathers and their kids? Why will they spend on ads in all TV stations this afternoon? Do you think MJN cares about the nutrition of their children. Think about it.

My friend Jen explains it best in her comments at the Chronicles of a Nursing Mom

Think about this. Mead Johnson, a milk company (yes, the ENTIRE RANGE from forumla to older people milk), focuses on dads. Dads feel good (marketing nga eh, diba?)! And who wouldn’t with the carrots they’re dangling (gadgets, etc). One day Mom has a new baby and she might be having a difficult first 2-3 days. Dad remembers MJN and says “honey, bili nalang tayo ng ********, para di ka mahirapan.” Then that can RUIN the REAL BEST START ng baby — ang Breastfeeding. When Dads do this, MJN HOPES that the dads remember them. (this is where it translates to sales for MJN).

By convincing dads that the best start to life is Mead Johnson Nutrition, I feel they are undermining breastfeeding ““by removing a crucial factor in the successful breastfeeding relationship- the dad”.

In an exploratory study, “paternal emotional, practical and physical supports were identified as important factors to promote successful breastfeeding and to enrich the experience for the mother and subsequently the father.”

Dads do make a difference.

The father of my children has been so supportive of breastfeeding since day 1. He never had any sleepless nights because our babies just latched on to me and slept peacefully. In those days , I had no peer group or websites to give me the moral support. It was just my husband and myself believing that we were giving the best nutrition to our children.

It is just the two of us right now but we have not forgotten our child-rearing days. I told Jenny that we should honor our husbands, the father of our children through a live-stream chat. Much to my delight , my husband agreed to participate in this live stream chat of “#BreastfeedingPH discussion with moms & dads #BestStartswithDad”.

butch my husband

In the first part, moms talk about the support, the love and dedication that their husbands gave them when they were breastfeeding their babies. In the second half, we discuss the importance of being breast feeding advocates. The breastfeeding advocacy includes protection, promotion, and support. “Protection means you fight those people who are fooling us. Promotion, that you make mothers want to breastfeed. And support, because even mothers who want to breastfeed need to be supported.

Lastly, the moms sent the sweetest Father’s day message to their husbands thanking them for their support and their recognition that the #BestStartswithDad is Breastfeeding

Listen to their father’s day greeting in this video (around the 1:00 hour mark):

Happy father’s day to all the dads for their dedication, commitment, persistence and support to breastfeeding, as the best start to our children’s nutrition.

When the children leave

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I miss my babies, my children.

my children

My home has been a semi-empty nest since 2010 when my second child flew to Australia to work then eventually taking her post-graduate studies. During college, they lived in dorms close to their school in Quezon City when we used to live in Makati. That wasn’t too bad because I saw them once a week.

Nothing hits hard when the last child finally leaves home. My eldest daughter moved to her condominium on May 1. She had been paying for her “shoebox” as she calls it since she was 22 years old. I am proud that she is a property owner at so young an age . The fact that she saved a huge portion of her salary to invest in this property the last three years or so is quite an achievement.

My second daughter moved to Germany on April 30 and is officially an OFW. I am just as proud of her academic achievements and getting a job in Europe for the next three years. At her age, I traveled around Europe. The difference is , she gets to work there. She is truly blessed.

I have been preparing for this but when the day finally came, it hits a raw nerve. I would always whine during their last few months at home…”Oh you are leaving me. I will miss you”.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them. Children should learn to be independent from their parents as soon as they are able to. I wanted them to feel that they can survive on their own, yet having their parents close by. My mom died of breast cancer when I was a teen-ager. If that should have happened to me, I did not want them to feel helpless. Though I lived on my own after college, I felt my girls lived a sheltered life. I prepared them for it. They slept with me on the family bed till they left for college. It is a nice warm feeling having them close in my arms. The family bed ritual gave them a feeling of security as they ventured on their own.

I have long accepted that my children are riding off into their own future, maybe as shakily or as steadily as when they rode the first bike I gave them. Maybe it is my turn to have this shaky feeling at times.

I have no regrets. As a full-time homemaker , I gave up a career and took care of them during their growing years.

I am grateful for blogging which gives me an avenue to pursue a passion, doing something good for the country and the future of my children. It offers a distraction from the loneliness that hits me hard during this time of the month.

my-family-with-luijoe

I can’t suppress this pang of sadness and loneliness because it is Luijoe’s 13th angel date, today.

If Luijoe were alive, I would still have a child around the house because he would only be 19 years old.

If Luijoe were alive, he would probably be with me, hugging me every now and then till he is 23 years old until he decides to travel abroad like my second daughter did.

If Luijoe were alive, the sound of a child’s footsteps on the hallway and cries of “mom” would still fill the air.

If. if…it is my grief talking and knowing that love never dies … and the sadness of having no children at home at times like these. Oh well, there are my two cats, the two helpers and my husband to keep me company.

I know this crushing sense of grief is just for today.

Tomorrow will be better.

candle-lighting

A hug is a handshake from the heart

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You can’t wrap love in a box, but you can wrap a person in a hug. ~Author Unknown

HUG [huhg] – verb : to clasp tightly in the arms, especially with affection; embrace

A friend who I have not seen for over 30 years suddenly gave me a full-on hug, unselfconsciously without much thought and took my breath away. I guess there were some things left unspoken. My affection is beyond words.

A tight hug overcomes all boundaries. It speaks words within the mind that cannot be spoken. For some reason, I was so touched by that one good hug that I sort of teared that night, not of sadness but of joy. It felt good to be hugged by a dear friend whom I have lost contact. The hugs felt so good because it relieved any feelings of emptiness and burdens that I may have carried unconsciously.

Hugs feel so good because all unexpressed feelings can be expressed in the manner of hugging.

Hugs feel good because it serves as one avenue of expressing any kind of emotion that is difficult to express verbally.

They say there is a science to hugging.

The act of hugging comes in various forms. Experts claimed that hugs give positive effects on health. Research has shown that hugs increase levels of oxytocin as well as it reduces blood pressure levels. In fact, hugs have known to increase levels of serotonin, which is the hormone responsible for one’s mood, emotional responses and energy levels. With its increase, it stimulates other systems to function efficiently and adequately giving one person an exceptional feeling of wellness.

Psychologist Virginia Satir once said, ““We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” I take the time and energy in eating right, exercising, and nurturing myself. I make sure I get a minimum dose of four hugs a day and even more from my husband and family. I am not talking of 10 second hugs. The hugs should be at least 20 seconds. A study at the University of North Carolina found that levels of cortisol, the hormone produced when we’re under stress, were significantly lowered (particularly in women) when subjects hugged their partners for at least twenty seconds.

The world would be a better place if we smiled more often and hugged a bit longer.

Give someone a big long hug. Make sure it lasts at least 20 seconds.

From me to you, here is a virtual hug.

” Everybody needs a hug. It changes your metabolism.”
Leo Buscaglia