Love is not just for couples; it is for all of us.

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Okay, so it’s Valentine’s Day and everyone’s in “couple mode”. It’s like I’ve walked into a Hallmark movie with no option to change the channel. It’s…a lot. Especially if you’re currently flying solo.

You can absolutely feel a little left out in all the teddy bear frenzy. But honestly? Being single shouldn’t stop you from having a good time and this whole day might be more about the marketing than the “magic” anyway.

Sure, seeing coupley posts everywhere can be a bummer, but that’s when we step back and think realistically. Valentine’s Day, especially these days, is about way more than romance.

So, if you’re feeling that single-on-V-Day slump, shake it off! Let’s make this about celebrating all kinds of love:

Love for ourselves: Because honestly, being kind to yourself is always priority number one. We DESERVE to feel good.


Love for those around us: Friends, family, pets! These are the folks who have our backs no matter what day it is. Forget the hearts and flowers routine, focus on meaningful quality time.


Love by giving back: Volunteering or even small acts of kindness are an awesome way to feel the happy “warm fuzzies” we’re all craving today.

 

Here’s how I turn those ideas into actions:

Forget FOMO, treat yourself right: Pampering in whatever way speaks to you – cozy movie night, gourmet takeout, a long walk in a pretty place…anything that’s all about YOU.

Passion Projects: Got a hobby you put on hold, or a new skill you’re dying to try? Today is the PERFECT excuse to dedicate time to it. That sense of accomplishment? Wayyyy better than chocolates!

The Friend Date: Instead of moping, call up those buddies you always mean to hang out with more. You guys can laugh at cheesy V-Day stuff, or have your own awesome mini-adventures.

Puppy Love: Pets are pure joy machines. If you don’t have one, borrow a friend’s for a cuddle session – they won’t judge if you cry into their fur after watching cheesy rom-coms.

Honest reflection: If a relationship IS something you want, pinpoint what might be standing in the way. Today’s an opportunity to work on YOU, becoming the best version of yourself that ideal partner would fall for.

The ‘Heck Yeah’ Choice: Love being single? That’s fantastic! Remind everyone (and yourself) that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

At the end of the day, whether you’re coupled up or not, feeling loved comes from within. Do things that make your heart happy, connect genuinely with others, and remember – a day on the calendar shouldn’t determine your mood. You got this!

Always Valentine’s Day , says my ex-boyfriend

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valentine's day
Two Valentine’s Day from the two most important guys in my life (next to my dad) strike me as the most memorable. The first one is my first Valentine’s day with Butch, my ex-boyfriend. The second is the last Valentine’s Day Card that my son lovingly crafted for me. valentines day.jpgLeafing through the yellowed pages of my diary, I found a journal entry written on February 14, 1979. The wonderful thing about keeping a journal is one is able to relive those youthful years and feel giddy all over again. Oh my, were we that cheesy!? Looking back that day, I wrote I saw him through the window carrying a single red rose and a gift. Clutching the red rose, Butch chuckled at the scene unfolding before him. Just like the movies, he muttered. Three pages of sweet nothings where my sappy ex-boyfriend declared his undying love and our dreams in my paper journal. In the last part of my journal entry, he had whispered “Let’s make Valentine’s day the whole year through”. kilig. Today is our 43th Valentine’s Day celebration.

Though our love endured, it was not all roses and sweet nothings.

happy valentine's dayThe childlike scribble of the I love you that my son wrote in his handmade Valentine’s day card never fails to bring tears. Tears of joy, of course. Reading through the same journal entry of February 14, 1979, Butch and I wove dreams of our first-born son who we called Jose Luis back then. (Jose, because both our fathers are Jose’s and Luis for Butch’s actual name.) Many years later, the dream of our Jose Luis materialized, whom we nicknamed Luijoe, for short. The reality lasted for six glorious years. I caress the crayon drawn heart in this card to remind myself that death may have taken our son away but his love and memories remain alive and pure in our hearts.

Listen to my podcast of this post

As with the past 44 Valentine’s Day , we celebrate it at home with my husband.  Since we could not spend Christmas Day together in 2020 except via Zoom so today, we wore our ugly Christmas shirt. Never too late to celebrate love and life. ??

Let’s remember what love truly is…

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn’t jealous. It doesn’t sing its own praises. It isn’t arrogant. It isn’t rude. It doesn’t think about itself. It isn’t irritable. It doesn’t keep track of wrongs. It isn’t happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth. Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up.

Love never comes to an end

<< 1 Corinthians 13 >>

Valentine’s Day Celebration is always lunch or a dinner date at home

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valentine's dayIn all the 36 years that Butch and I have been a couple (as steadies for 7 years and as married couple) , not once have we celebrated Valentine’s Day outside the home. During the 7 years that we dated, he’d say “I don’t want to celebrate Valentine’s day but let’s go on a dinner date on the 16th”. So theoretically, we did celebrate Valentine’s day but not on the 14th of February. When we got married, I ‘d cook a simple dinner just to celebrate the romantic nature of the day. Then the kids came. Their teachers often required a Valentine card project for daddy or mommy which prompted me to celebrate Valentine’s Day at home. For the children, Valentine’s Day meant candy hearts, cutesy cards and excitement in the air. Now I didn’t want to be a killjoy. I’d decorate the house with heart shaped balloons, heart shaped cookies , red ribbons and other party fan fare. It was a family celebration of love.

I never really understood why my dear husband loathed Valentine’s day until last night…. He can’t be the Valentine’s Day equivalent of Dr. Scrooge. Butch is a very romantic person. He says the most sappy phrases ever and that’s probably the reason I fell in love with him. Now back to the reason for this Valentine’s Day aversion. I teased him, “Will you buy me flowers?”. He said “not on the 14th. Flowers are very expensive that day”. He reminded me, “Didn’t I just buy you carnations a week ago?”

I laughed. “So it’s an economic reason?”, I joked. He nodded. Ah now I recall, Butch was only 18 years old when we first became steadies. Naturally, he didn’t have the money to buy me the overpriced flowers or presents. All these years, I always thought that he wanted to be unique. Kuripot lang pala. (or is it being thrifty)

Tonight, as restaurants are filled to the brim with loving couples, I prepared an Italian-themed dinner. The non-celebration or not eating out on Valentine’s Day is our tradition carried through the years.

Loving Myself Unconditionally

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It takes two to make a relationship work. It is easy to blame the other partner if something fails in a relationship. I used to blame my husband for every little thing without even checking if I too had my faults. When I took away the focus from my husband and turned to myself, wonderful things happened to me, my family and my life, in general.

love yourself first

What did I do?

Loving myself unconditionally!

It means loving myself into health and a good life of my own. It meant loving myself into all that I have always wanted. Yes, love myself into peace, happiness, success, joy and contentment.

So how do I love myself?

It wasn’t easy at first. I had to force myself to and even “faked” it. By “acting as if“. To practice the positive, I act as if. It’s a positive form of pretending. It’s a useful tool to use to get ourselves unstuck.

Here is what I did.

1. Embrace and love all of myself including past, present and future. I forgave myself and as often as necessary, I talk to myself and list down my good points.

2. If negative thoughts entered my mind, I get them out in the open quickly and replace those beliefs with positive and uplifting ones.

3. I gently pat myself when necessary. I discipline myself and even ask for help when needed.

4. I give treats to myself. I don’t allow myself to work like a carabao, pushing and driving myself to stressful levels. I learned to be good to myself.

5. I stopped explaining and justifying myself. When I make a mistake, I let it go. I learn, I grow and learn some more and despite it all, I love myself.

I constantly work at loving myself. One day, I looked up at myself in the mirror and loved what I saw. I saw a new and lovely me. Loving myself had become habitual.

Love-yourself-first

Loving ourselves sounds like an alien concept and even foolish at times. Some may accuse us of being selfish. But do we have to believe them? People who love themselves are truly able to love others and let others love them. People who love themselves and hold themselves in high esteem are those who give the most, contribute the most and love the most.

Self-love will take hold and become a guiding force in our life.

Remember, you are lovable and capable of giving and receiving love.

The art of love… is largely the art of persistence.

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Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Robert Frost

valentine-dayYes, it is Valentine’s day, another ordinary day for my husband and myself. Just like any day, we make time to have lovey-dovey moments with each other and a special ME time.

Today is special for other couples but for us, every day is special. We have never been out on a date during Valentine’s day in all the 33 years we have been together. I never really understood why my dear husband loathed Valentine’s day until a few years ago. He can’t be the Valentine’s Day equivalent of Dr. Scrooge. Butch is a very romantic person. He whispers the most romantic phrases ever and that’s probably the reason I fell in love with him. Now back to the reason for this Valentine’s Day aversion. I teased him, ““Will you buy me a Valentine’s gift”. He said ““I already gave you my gift”. He reminded me, ““Didn’t I just give you___ pataca for our Macau trip?”

“No flowers?”, I teased.

He says “expensive during Valentine’s day”.

I laughed. ““So it’s an economic reason?”, I joked. He nodded. Ah now I recall, Butch was only 18 years old when we first became steadies. Naturally, he didn’t have the money to buy me the overpriced flowers or presents. All these years, I always thought that he wanted to be unique. Kuripot lang pala. (or is it being thrifty)

The non-celebration of Valentine’s Day on February 14th is our tradition carried through the years. While restaurants are filled to the brim with loving couples, we will just have a date at home. I am not even sure if I have time to cook as I have a lecture in the afternoon.

Most likely, he will just whisper sweet nothings as always, while I reflect on the Bible passage of love that has carried me through the years:

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn’t jealous. It doesn’t sing its own praises. It isn’t arrogant. It isn’t rude. It doesn’t think about itself. It isn’t irritable. It doesn’t keep track of wrongs. It isn’t happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth. Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up.

Love never comes to an end.

<< 1 Corinthians 13 >>

Since today is Valentine’s day, you don’t have to be a couple to celebrate it. Whether you are a couple or single, the most important relationship you will have with is yourself. And the most important person in your life is YOU.

““If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.”

Loving yourself is the best way to learn how to love.

Update

I arrived home tonight and received a gift from Butch.

valentine-day