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November 2007

Suicide, Media and Mariannet Amper

suicide preventionI am disappointed in the lack of balance on how media (and some blogs) are treating [tag]Mariannet Amper[/tag]’s death. Even the Catholic Church, for goodness sake. Today is Mariannet’s burial but our beloved [tag]Catholic Church[/tag] in St. Francis of Assisi Parish Church in Barangay Ma-a is in a dilemma. She might not be given funeral rites despite being a devout Catholic because of some old-fashioned priest.

Is it because he or some of us are still living in the dark ages where [tag]suicide[/tag] is taboo? Or are we in denial, uncomfortable or just limited in our knowledge that some young kids like Mariannet may suffer from [tag]depression[/tag] or chemical imbalance which may have pushed her to die by suicide?

Much of this stigma is is a carryover from the Middle Ages. Victims were forbidden traditional funerals and burials, and suicide was considered both illegal and sinful by the laws and religions of the time.

Today, we understand that most suicides are the result of biochemical illnesses such as clinical depression. Yet, the stigma associated with suicide often forces family members to choose between secrecy about the death and social isolation. Even media avoids talking about it except for a few radio stations that invited a doctor to speak on depression and suicide.

I will emphasize my points below:

1. Focus on poverty situation is one-sided. Almost all the news and blogs talk on poverty or blaming the government (except for news reported here and here). What about the suicide awareness and prevention? We do not know for sure what caused Mariannet to die of suicide. For all we know, Mariannet may have suffered severe depression, which is not the same as merely sad or something that you can snap out of it in a second. Depression affects both the wealthy and economically disadvantaged individuals.

Media needs to address a balance of both the poverty and Suicide Prevention and Awareness as well.

2. Suicide is an illness, not a sin.. Fr. Zenon Ampong, their parish priest in Davao is uncertain about the request of the family of Mariannet for her to be brought to the church for funeral rites citing the policy of the Catholic Church on suicide. Not all Catholic priests are like Fr. Ampong. I bet he is the same type of priest who refuses to bless the dead if the death is caused by suicide but bless cars, pigs, houses…what hypocrisy! May Mariannet rest in peace even without that priest’ blessing.

(Update: November 11, 2007: Fr. Ampong’s gives funeral rites but his sermon shows his ignorance on depression and suicide.. How simplistic his reasons are! But then understanding suicide is not an easy matter either.)

He said that the Mariannet’s death was the result of the sins of other people….The world has been overwhelmed by the sins of the people against others, and this has been paid by Mariannet’s own life, he added.

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Filipinos are Emotional?

For news on Mariannet Amper : visit my entries at Suicide, Media and Mariannet Amper and Childhood and Adolescent Suicide Deaths in the Philippines

One of my proudest primetime adventure is speaking in a dialect that I am not fluent in TV or radio interviews. Though raised a Cebuana, my first language has always been English. My parents often spoke in Tagalog between themselves. I learned to understand basic tagalog but never spoke it at home. Same with Cebuano. I have been skirting from a certain radio station mainly because I just cannot speak tagalog properly. How will I ever explain grief as pagdadalamhati without getting my tongue all twisted up in knots? How does one translate the word denial in Tagalog? Or Depression?

Do you want to talk to my husband?, I bargained. He speaks fluent Tagalog.

The executive producer pursued “It’s alright to speak in English”. Yeah right, English is fine. The listeners will understand but what will they think of me? But I remembered that I am in an advocacy and I needed to hurdle my speech limitations at all cost. I asked for the guide questions and with the help of my husband, I praticed the tagalog definitions of most grief terminologies including pronouncing the tongue twisting pag-da-da-lam-ha-ti. The good news was I can do the interview via phone patch which meant that I can have a cheat list in front of me. Goodee. I clapped my hands.

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Teaching Daughters to Invest in Real Estate

Ever since I could remember, dad often brought me and my siblings to any [tag]real estate investment[/tag] he acquired. Trudging by the tall weeds and mud, I wrinkled my nose and retort “But there is nothing here. No houses. ” Dad would often chuckle and remind me “Think of the future. what will it be like in 30 years?”. Twirling around the grasses and looking up at the sky, I could not think far ahead to the future. After all, I was just 8 years old. God bless my dad. His [tag]investment[/tag] paved the way for my own [tag]real estate[/tag] investments together with the rest of my siblings. I felt my girls should know how to prioritize their paycheck. Lauren even as a fresh graduate seems to be earning quite well. I thought I’d show her to invest her money wisely. So off we went for a brief stop in our country home somewhere in Sta. Rosa before heading off to Ayala Land’s latest development, the Nuvali.
poke_your_eyes.jpgOn the way to Nuvali, we got so engrossed with the landscape that we missed the turn to the entrance. The sign “Poke Your Eyes” alerted us that Hey you are lost. We had a good laugh as we made a u-turn back to Nuvali.

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Photo Hunt: Classic (1940s Photo)

The [tag]Photo Hunt[/tag] theme for this saturday is anything on Classic. What does “classic” mean?

“of or characteristic of a form or system felt to be of first significance before modern times” As an adjective, classic means ““belonging to the highest rank or class” as well as ““having lasting significance or worth.” As a noun, classic means ““a superior or unusual example of its kind”

momasateenagerthumb.jpgMine is a classic [tag]1940s photo[/tag] of my mom as a teenager. She must have been sixteen here in this photo, roughly taken sometime in 1947. I found this photo as my sister Belen (who happens to look like my mom) and I packed up our things from our ancestral home in Cebu. Though a bit worn, we were able to capture the photo with our digital camera.

I like gazing at [tag]retro photos[/tag]. A glimpse of the past is captured forever. I get to see the fashion trends during the good old days. One thing I notice about this old photo is the way she positioned their upper torso. It’s like mom is leaning to one side and her eyes aren’t focused on the camera as if gazing to someone behind the photographer. It’s great that she beamed a stunning smile though.

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Ghost Stories That Comfort: After-death communication

butterflyAs a child, ghost stories terrified me, often fearful that a ghostly white apparition would suddenly spring forth as the story unfolded. That all changed when a series of deaths in the family hit us. Signs that our loved ones are just around the corner brings so much comfort to me and perhaps the newly bereaved. Sure skeptics will say it’s a figment of your imagination. But whether it is an imagination or not, it’s comforting because of that distinct feeling that our loved one is just nearby, even though he or she can’t be seen or heard. With so many deaths in my family, I have had my share in after-death communication. According to Bill Guggenheim & Judy Guggenheim, an After-Death Communication (ADC) is a spiritual experience which occurs when you are contacted directly and spontaneously by a deceased family member or friend, without the use of psychics, mediums, rituals, or devices. ADCs offer dramatic new evidence of life after death.

The twelve most frequent types of after-death communication people report having with their deceased loved ones:Sensing A Presence, Hearing A Voice, Feeling A Touch, Smelling A Fragrance, Visual Experiences, Visions, Twilight Experiences, ADC Experiences While Asleep, Out-Of-Body ADCs,Telephone Calls, Physical Phenomena, Symbolic ADCs.

Let me illustrate a few of these ADCs I’ve encountered with the deaths in my family:

Smelling A Fragrance: You may smell your relative’s or friend’s favorite cologne, after-shave lotion, or perfume. Other common aromas are: flowers (especially roses), bath powders, tobacco products, favorite foods, and his or her personal scent.

The first death in the family was mom. A week later after mom was buried, I was with Gigi, my roommate inside our dorm room. As we talked in bed, I suddenly smelt a waft of a candle burning mixed with roses. Not about to scare Gigi, I didn’t say anything. But she jumped beside me I can smell candles burning and roses. So I didn’t imagine that. I just smiled at her and said Mom is here much to her horror.

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