suicide preventionI am disappointed in the lack of balance on how media (and some blogs) are treating [tag]Mariannet Amper[/tag]’s death. Even the Catholic Church, for goodness sake. Today is Mariannet’s burial but our beloved [tag]Catholic Church[/tag] in St. Francis of Assisi Parish Church in Barangay Ma-a is in a dilemma. She might not be given funeral rites despite being a devout Catholic because of some old-fashioned priest.

Is it because he or some of us are still living in the dark ages where [tag]suicide[/tag] is taboo? Or are we in denial, uncomfortable or just limited in our knowledge that some young kids like Mariannet may suffer from [tag]depression[/tag] or chemical imbalance which may have pushed her to die by suicide?

Much of this stigma is is a carryover from the Middle Ages. Victims were forbidden traditional funerals and burials, and suicide was considered both illegal and sinful by the laws and religions of the time.

Today, we understand that most suicides are the result of biochemical illnesses such as clinical depression. Yet, the stigma associated with suicide often forces family members to choose between secrecy about the death and social isolation. Even media avoids talking about it except for a few radio stations that invited a doctor to speak on depression and suicide.

I will emphasize my points below:

1. Focus on poverty situation is one-sided. Almost all the news and blogs talk on poverty or blaming the government (except for news reported here and here). What about the suicide awareness and prevention? We do not know for sure what caused Mariannet to die of suicide. For all we know, Mariannet may have suffered severe depression, which is not the same as merely sad or something that you can snap out of it in a second. Depression affects both the wealthy and economically disadvantaged individuals.

Media needs to address a balance of both the poverty and Suicide Prevention and Awareness as well.

2. Suicide is an illness, not a sin.. Fr. Zenon Ampong, their parish priest in Davao is uncertain about the request of the family of Mariannet for her to be brought to the church for funeral rites citing the policy of the Catholic Church on suicide. Not all Catholic priests are like Fr. Ampong. I bet he is the same type of priest who refuses to bless the dead if the death is caused by suicide but bless cars, pigs, houses…what hypocrisy! May Mariannet rest in peace even without that priest’ blessing.

(Update: November 11, 2007: Fr. Ampong’s gives funeral rites but his sermon shows his ignorance on depression and suicide.. How simplistic his reasons are! But then understanding suicide is not an easy matter either.)

He said that the Mariannet’s death was the result of the sins of other people….The world has been overwhelmed by the sins of the people against others, and this has been paid by Mariannet’s own life, he added.

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If you need to talk to someone, there is HOPELINE

PLDT- (02)-804 4673 (HOPE)
Mobile-0917-558-4673 (HOPE)
Toll Free 2919 for TM and Globe subscribers

mariannet amperIf you read today’s papers, Mariannet Amper, a 12 year old girl from Davao died of suicide out of despair for her family’s impoverished life. Yesterday, Nel, a 14 year old boy climbed a flyover in Iloilo in a suicide attempt apparently fuelled by rugby. A few weeks back, Julie wrote about Kristen Ariane Cuenca, a third grader who jumped off from the fourth level of a building of Malate Catholic School because of depression. She was only 9 years old.

These stories are alarming since these kids are so young and they all happened in a span of less than one month. To think that in my radio interview last Monday, I received 3 phone inquiries about suicide and depression. I was unprepared to handle suicide questions because I am not an expert in suicide though I have read a lot of materials on the subject matter in the course of my research on grief education. I have also talked to a few parents who lost their child by suicide. Instead, I referred them to a psychiatrist so a diagnosis could be made. There could be more childhood suicide, adolescent suicide or even suicide attempts that are not reported in the news.

Who is to blame? What causes these kids to turn to suicide as the answer to their pain?

What about Mariannet?

In her October 5 entry, Mariannet wrote: “Parang isang buwan na kaming absent. Hindi na kasi nakin (sic) binibilang ang absent ko. Hindi ko namalayan na malapit na pala ang Pasko.” [It feels as if we’ve been absent for a month. They’re not counting my absences anymore. I just realized that Christmas is just around the corner.

Mariannet died of suicide because she could not endure their family’s financial situation any longer. You remember Belle’s story on her humble beginnings? Just like Mariannet, Belle’s father was jobless. This did not take away Belle’s dream of attaining an education. If she did have some money, she walked to school because it was a choice between transportation or food. Millions of Filipinos are living below poverty level but then not all children are resilient like Belle.

Poverty, per se, did not kill Mariannet.

Health Secretary Francisco Duque is not discounting the possibility “that there could be some pathological underlying reasons” for the suicide, adding that Amper’s reaction of taking her life to the problems of hunger and poverty was “unusual.”

It doesn’t mean, however, that the government should not work against fighting poverty or we should remain indifferent to the poverty situation in the Philippines.

Let’s look at Nel’s attempted suicide. He says:

“Gusto ko na ring mamatay gusto kong sundan si nanay (I also wanted to die – I wanted to follow my mother),” Nel said.

Instead of pinpointing blame, let’s do our small share by educating ourselves on death by suicide. (Our Compassionate Friends have officially adopted the terms ““died by suicide” or ““died of suicide” to replace the commonly used ““committed suicide” or ““completed suicide.”)

Dr. Philip Chua enumerates risk factors such as mental problems:

….especially major depressive, psychosis, etc. Other factors include substance abuse, family history of suicide, sexual abuse, delinquency, gay and lesbian youth, runaways, juveniles in detention centers, halfway houses, prisons, group homes. Those high-achievers, who may have rigid perfectionist personalities and impulsive behavior are also at an increased risk.

suicide

Dr Chua further explains that stressors contribute to suicide are loss of a loved one through divorce, death or break-up of a relationship; interpersonal or family conflicts. School problems, financial dilemma, family violence are stressors that aggravate the situation because they lesson the much-needed support responses to an adolescent crisis.

My suspicion on media displaying acts of suicide can also contribute to suicide ideation. Dr. Chua agrees that television, newspaper or radio coverage of suicide (or exposure to a recent suicide or suicide attempt in the community) can serve as a trigger for vulnerable adolescents to act on suicidal thoughts and plans. This is what is termed as ““cluster suicides.”

Our children do not readily talk about their suicidal thoughts. They feel relief when a confidant or a medical professional brings up the subject matter to them. Dr Chua adds that : When this comes up, it is best to ask questions in a nonjudgemental, non-threatening and direct manner, like, ““Have you thought of suicide?” ““Are you thinking about suicide now?” ““Do you have a plan for doing it?” If answer is affirmative, ““What is your plan for committing suicide?” A positive response indicates the need for more professional questioning and assessment of risk factors, and the plan of counseling or therapy is based on the degree of risk.

Here are some points raised by Dr. Chua.

  • Is depression associated with suicide?Clinical evidences show that depression is very strongly associated with suicide. The symptoms and signs include depressive mood, reduced interest or pleasure, isolation from family and friends, weight loss when not dieting, or weight gain, insomnia or hypersomnia (sleeping a lot), fatigue, diminished ability to think or concentrate, indecisiveness, irritability, unusually argumentative and temperamental behavior, hyperactivity, delinquency, school failure, repeated accidents or injuries, sexual acting out, etc.
  • What can friends and family members do?Family members and friends, who notice signs of depression and/or suspect suicidal tendency should show understanding and compassion without anger or condescension to the individual in distress. They should reassure the person that his/her current emotional condition is temporary and treatable. They should suggest professional help but this should be done without intimidation or coercion. A ““no-suicide” contract, where the adolescent pledges not to attempt self-destruction, is often helpful but cannot be totally and solely relied upon.
  • What is the best plan for treatment?If suicidal tendency is suspected, a family member or a friend, who is close to the adolescent, may suggest professional help. Nowadays, a visit to the psychologist or psychiatrist is commonplace. One does not have to be ““crazy” to see psychiatrist. Many politicians, head of states, businessmen, actors and actresses routinely seek counseling for prophylaxis, to prevent, minimize or learn how to handle stressors in life. The counselor will have interview sessions with the adolescent, the family members and friends, most often separately, and make an assessment of the case, and tailor the specific management regimen for the individual. Today, more than ever before, medical science has the mind-boggling sophistication to perform ““wonderful miracles,” heretofore unknown to man.

There is just so much taboo associated with mental illness. More than anything else, parents, educators, school counselors and even family doctors need to be aware of suicide as an illness and know when to detect and prevent it. In the US, children with suicide ideation are brought in as an emergency case so that they would be given therapy or medication. Friends and school counselors are encouraged to report any suicide ideation. Sure the private schools are probably on top of the situation. But what are the government doctors doing about it in the Philippines? (UPDATE : Gov’t takes responsibility for girl’s suicide .

Death by suicide is the most devastating loss among all types of death. One loses a child under very painful circumstances. My heart goes out to these bereaved parents. (Read more on Suicide Awareness and Prevention.)

For Suicide Prevention Hotline in the Philippines

HOPELINE  Hotline- Philippines

PLDT- (02)-804 4673 (HOPE)
Mobile-0917-558-4673 (HOPE)
Toll Free 2919 for TM and Globe subscribers

 

Related News Reports/blogs that show balanced reporting as of November 15, 2007

1. From gmanews.tv- The tragic life of Mariannet Amper, or why children commit suicide

2. Rina Jimenez-David wrote column on how Media Reporting Suicide

3. Tess Termulo Her Choice Killed Her

4. Michael Tan on Young suicides

5. Ma. Ceres P. Doyo on Suicide has no Heroes

6. Michael Tan on Lifelines

Photo: Mariannet Amper with her brother taken from here

For news on Mariannet Amper : visit my entries at Suicide, Media and Mariannet Amper and Childhood and Adolescent Suicide Deaths in the Philippines

One of my proudest primetime adventure is speaking in a dialect that I am not fluent in TV or radio interviews. Though raised a Cebuana, my first language has always been English. My parents often spoke in Tagalog between themselves. I learned to understand basic tagalog but never spoke it at home. Same with Cebuano. I have been skirting from a certain radio station mainly because I just cannot speak tagalog properly. How will I ever explain grief as pagdadalamhati without getting my tongue all twisted up in knots? How does one translate the word denial in Tagalog? Or Depression?

Do you want to talk to my husband?, I bargained. He speaks fluent Tagalog.

The executive producer pursued “It’s alright to speak in English”. Yeah right, English is fine. The listeners will understand but what will they think of me? But I remembered that I am in an advocacy and I needed to hurdle my speech limitations at all cost. I asked for the guide questions and with the help of my husband, I praticed the tagalog definitions of most grief terminologies including pronouncing the tongue twisting pag-da-da-lam-ha-ti. The good news was I can do the interview via phone patch which meant that I can have a cheat list in front of me. Goodee. I clapped my hands.

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Ever since I could remember, dad often brought me and my siblings to any [tag]real estate investment[/tag] he acquired. Trudging by the tall weeds and mud, I wrinkled my nose and retort “But there is nothing here. No houses. ” Dad would often chuckle and remind me “Think of the future. what will it be like in 30 years?”. Twirling around the grasses and looking up at the sky, I could not think far ahead to the future. After all, I was just 8 years old. God bless my dad. His [tag]investment[/tag] paved the way for my own [tag]real estate[/tag] investments together with the rest of my siblings. I felt my girls should know how to prioritize their paycheck. Lauren even as a fresh graduate seems to be earning quite well. I thought I’d show her to invest her money wisely. So off we went for a brief stop in our country home somewhere in Sta. Rosa before heading off to Ayala Land’s latest development, the Nuvali.
poke_your_eyes.jpgOn the way to Nuvali, we got so engrossed with the landscape that we missed the turn to the entrance. The sign “Poke Your Eyes” alerted us that Hey you are lost. We had a good laugh as we made a u-turn back to Nuvali.

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The [tag]Photo Hunt[/tag] theme for this saturday is anything on Classic. What does “classic” mean?

“of or characteristic of a form or system felt to be of first significance before modern times” As an adjective, classic means ““belonging to the highest rank or class” as well as ““having lasting significance or worth.” As a noun, classic means ““a superior or unusual example of its kind”

momasateenagerthumb.jpgMine is a classic [tag]1940s photo[/tag] of my mom as a teenager. She must have been sixteen here in this photo, roughly taken sometime in 1947. I found this photo as my sister Belen (who happens to look like my mom) and I packed up our things from our ancestral home in Cebu. Though a bit worn, we were able to capture the photo with our digital camera.

I like gazing at [tag]retro photos[/tag]. A glimpse of the past is captured forever. I get to see the fashion trends during the good old days. One thing I notice about this old photo is the way she positioned their upper torso. It’s like mom is leaning to one side and her eyes aren’t focused on the camera as if gazing to someone behind the photographer. It’s great that she beamed a stunning smile though.

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butterflyAs a child, ghost stories terrified me, often fearful that a ghostly white apparition would suddenly spring forth as the story unfolded. That all changed when a series of deaths in the family hit us. Signs that our loved ones are just around the corner brings so much comfort to me and perhaps the newly bereaved. Sure skeptics will say it’s a figment of your imagination. But whether it is an imagination or not, it’s comforting because of that distinct feeling that our loved one is just nearby, even though he or she can’t be seen or heard. With so many deaths in my family, I have had my share in after-death communication. According to Bill Guggenheim & Judy Guggenheim, an After-Death Communication (ADC) is a spiritual experience which occurs when you are contacted directly and spontaneously by a deceased family member or friend, without the use of psychics, mediums, rituals, or devices. ADCs offer dramatic new evidence of life after death.

The twelve most frequent types of after-death communication people report having with their deceased loved ones:Sensing A Presence, Hearing A Voice, Feeling A Touch, Smelling A Fragrance, Visual Experiences, Visions, Twilight Experiences, ADC Experiences While Asleep, Out-Of-Body ADCs,Telephone Calls, Physical Phenomena, Symbolic ADCs.

Let me illustrate a few of these ADCs I’ve encountered with the deaths in my family:

Smelling A Fragrance: You may smell your relative’s or friend’s favorite cologne, after-shave lotion, or perfume. Other common aromas are: flowers (especially roses), bath powders, tobacco products, favorite foods, and his or her personal scent.

The first death in the family was mom. A week later after mom was buried, I was with Gigi, my roommate inside our dorm room. As we talked in bed, I suddenly smelt a waft of a candle burning mixed with roses. Not about to scare Gigi, I didn’t say anything. But she jumped beside me I can smell candles burning and roses. So I didn’t imagine that. I just smiled at her and said Mom is here much to her horror.

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