fireworksAfter having an early dinner, Butch dragged all of us to the SM Mall of Asia. Knowing there are [tag]fireworks display[/tag] at 7:00 PM every fridays and saturdays, the idea of sipping coffee and watching the outdoors fireworks display sounded like a swell idea. Just as we sat down on our chairs in the UCC Vienna Cafe, the crowd of mall shoppers started to swell. Fumbling with my camera’s navigation buttons, I failed to see the video option. Fireworks’ images don’t say much of the dazzling display . It’s the video that captures the splash of colors and the sounds of the crowd’s gasp of oooooh and ahhhs. Too bad I didn’t get to take a video of the 5 minute fireworks’ display. It’s my first time to see a huge fireworks display amidst a wide area of black space of Manila Bay. It’s really pretty.

Just as we went back to the coffee shop, Steven Tan, the general manager of SM Mall of Asia called out my husband’s name. What a delight to see Steven! He invited us to their New Year Eve’s [tag]fireworks[/tag] display at 12 midnight. According to Steven, the pyrotechnics cost 1.8 million pesos. What a hefty sum to blow off for just a few minutes. Perhaps the fireworks play a purpose to drive away the evil spirits and bring in good luck and harmony for the new year. I don’t know if we are going to watch the fireworks display. It’s always been our New Year’s Eve tradition to create loud noises ,toot the horns, light up a few sparklers and fireworks and then eat our noche buena. Safety is an important consideration . I get paranoid of stray bullets and careless people who just throw off fireworks to passing cars. We’ll see if a change of scenery might be worth it.

These are a few Photos of the Fireworks display that I took tonight.

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One of the [tag]Christmas presents[/tag] I gave the two girls is a BLESSING BOX, an idea I got from Darcie Sims’ The Blessing Box tip. And no, I don’t think it’s Oprah’s original idea.

blessing box

Inside this little box, are tiny messages and reminders of the joys and blessings of my life. Instead of keeping a litany of hurt and failure in my head, now I commit these “gifts of love” to paper and place them in my box, where I can read them, touch them, hold them any time I need to. This little box represents the best things in my life and I never again have to fear forgetting the love and the light in my life. They are all here, in my Blessing Box, waiting for me to cherish them again and again and again…

Make a [tag]Blessing Box[/tag] for yourself this season. And watch it change your life. Never again will you count what you have lost or forgotten. Now you will always be reminded of the treasures in your life. No matter how sparkly or rusted, these memories and blessings are yours, to treasure, to cherish, to keep, to hold, to share.

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[tag]Christmas Day[/tag] has just begun. The season flows. Magic is in the air. The girls are giddy after gift opening. The hubby is mushy and romantic. It’s a wonderful start of the day. For others, the holidays can be lonely and difficult. You are not the exception if you find yourselves facing a less-than-ideal holiday. How easy, but untrue to tell ourselves the rest of world is experiencing the perfect holiday and we’re alone in conflict. We can do something about it. Create our own holiday agenda. Buy yourself a gift. Find someone to whom you can give. Unleash your loving , nurturing self and give in to the holiday spirit. Go with the flow.

If I could give each of you a gift I would want to give you the gift of peace, as much peace as you can possibly find. If you find your situation is less than ideal, I hope you take what’s good and let go of the rest.

Enjoy and cherish this holiday.

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I am going to let the photos speak for itself. Click Christmas Eve/Day 2006 photos

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(Luijoe’s last Christmas in 1999, Baguio City)

Christmas is a special time of year. Although shiny decorations and twinkling lights are the window dressing for this exciting festivity, it is the warmth and love of family and friends that make the holiday season so memorable. However, it can be a painful time for those experiencing the recent loss of a loved one. It must be hard for the newly bereaved family members who lost Anne Sherina only last Monday, December 18, 2006. Anne Sherina died of “pulmonary affliction due to Dengue Shock Syndrome”. Grief in Christmas is doubly daunting for this family.

So when ABS-CBN “Salamat Doc” called me up to guest live for tomorrow’s Christmas Eve 6:00 AM episode, I didn’t hesitate. Though my busy schedule was full, I made room for this show. I know there are a lot of newly bereaved and seasoned grievers who are still coping with the difficulties of the holidays. My heart sometimes still echoes with emptiness as I roll out the gingerbread dough or hang the Christmas Angel cookies near Luijoe’s Memorial shrine. I think that hurt will always be with me, but now I know it only as a momentary ache – not like the first year when grief drowned over me in huge waves, each new wave hurling me deeper and deeper into despair.

My husband and I have walked that difficult road every Christmas.

The staff took a VTR of how I coped with Christmas through the years. I showed Luijoe’s memorial table, his memory box, toys, books and all the angel decors of our family den. I thought that my husband would buckle down in tears because he has never opened Luijoe’s photo album in years. The staff told us to sift through Luijoe’s photos. This VTR is indeed therapy for my husband. Knowing we are helping others gives us the courage to share our story, on how we coped and survived. We want to show that love isn’t something that ends with death.

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my dadToday is the third death anniversary of my dad. I miss my dad terribly. My dad outlived two of my brothers, my mom and his grandchild, Luijoe. It’s a grand slam. He was a bereaved spouse, a bereaved father and bereaved grandfather. Now who could beat that? During the funeral of my brother, Oscar in April 1999, my dad collapsed right after the burial. Dad never got to walk again till his death in December 5, 2003. I didn’t tell dad that Luijoe died because my dad was already sick in the year 2000. Another loss would surely devastate him. We were afraid dad would join him in death if he ever found out, knowing how he doted on all his grandchildren. We couldn’t risk telling him because we were not ready to see dad go yet. Four years later, dad died of complications from diabetes and hypertension. Often, I question God why my father who was a good man, a loving father, a generous provider had to suffer for 4 years. All these deaths in my family made me wonder if our family was cursed or something. Should I dare say that I am blessed that God took my family members? That my dad, mom , two brothers and son ‘s mission on earth is done?

I know my father was not perfect but I adored him. When I was in college, dad often travelled to Manila to visit us at our dorms. He was never too busy to set aside family time for us. As a young widower, he often brought his girlfriend when we had dinner. We encouraged dad to re-marry but he never did. He didn’t want to cause a family rift. I thought husbands were made like my dad. I was so wrong. A lot of my marital problems was because I compared my husband and dad. Hehe, I think my husband also compared me to his sweet mom. Too bad, he married a bitch.

Christmas is fast approaching and I remember how dad made it so much fun for us. I will always associate Christmas with my dad. He literally spoiled us to death. The best gift dad ever gave us was the gift of laughter. Dad’s booming laughter often rings in my ear even in times of adversity. It is the same gift that I continue to give to my children when the going gets rough.

In honor of my dad, I now sign as Noemi Lardizabal-Dado because much of who I am is because of my dad. My dad lives on in me and in my work. I can just imagine my dad smiling at me as I do service to others.

My Dad’s Memorial Site

(Photo above is my dad during a Christmas presentation where he dances to the music “Macho Man”)

infidelityWith the arrest of Gregorio “Gringo” Honasan at the vicinity of Ingrid Ramos’s townhouse, the question is Who is Ingrid Ramos?. In today’s issuse of Philippine Star , “Mystery woman: Who is Ingrid Ramos?” sheds some light…

PNP chief Director General Oscar Calderon….refused to answer questions regarding allegations that Honasan has an intimate relationship with Ramos, who was reportedly a former secretary of Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile.

Enrile, in a press conference, denied knowing Ramos: “I don’t recall any woman by the name of Ingrid or with the family name Ramos. Maybe if that was her middle name I could not recall. Maybe she was one of my campaign supporters but I have so many thousand campaign supporters and I did not know all of them.”

Pray tell me, what is Gringo doing at 2:00 AM in Ingrid’s townhouse? There seems to be two versions on how Gringo was captured making me suspicious that they are trying to protect Ingrid and Gringo’s wife from undue embarassment. Tito Sotto’s version is that ” Honasan was arrested by police after a brief car chase at the vicinity of Christ the King Church. He said the fugitive senator jumped out of the moving vehicle and tried to hide in the neighborhood. It was while scaling fences that he hurt his right leg,” but the police operatives insist he was arrested while visiting the woman at 2:00 AM. Media seems to play the mystery woman to the hilt.

Police sources said they witnessed a confrontation in which Mrs. Honasan shouted profanities at her husband, accusing him of being unable to control his libido.

She vowed never to visit him again, the sources said.

(Source:Fugitive captured in ‘lover’s’ townhouse)

I can’t blame Gringo’s wife. If that happened to me, I’d smack my husband on the head with my Macbook , oh not that…my kaldero (pot). Even if my husband has a working relationship with a fellow lady lawyer, I find it despicable for two people to be working in the dead of the night and at a townhouse at that. It’s just too bad Gringo got caught in the place of residence of this mystery woman.

Stories of spouses getting caught is nothing new. With the advent of cellphones, a philandering spouse is sometimes caught in the act if their cellphone is turned on accidentally. I know of a friend who overheard the illicit conversation between her husband and the other woman in a hotel room. Apparently, the cellphone’s setting is such that a call is answered when any button is pressed. Imagine the anguish and anger of the wife upon hearing her husband’s romantic advances with this woman. The wife lost all respect for him and felt so violated.

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All Saints Day seems more like a school fair to me except there are gravestones, tents, picnic tables all over the cemetery. The mood at the cemetery is festive with children running around, the ice cream man ringing his bell, the taho vendor yelling taho, kids playing with melting candle, teens surfing at the SMART BRO internet booth, food vendors raking in some sales from the crowd. It’s a yearly ritual for our loved one whom we love, miss and remember always. Once a year, we share that common bond with families with a similar loss.

The first All Saints Day for Luijoe in 2000 felt surreal. The marble tombstone felt cold to the touch but the laughter and the crowd reminded me that Luijoe is never far from me. To my dear son, my dad, my mom, brothers Oscar and Ruben, they have not really left us but just gotten ahead of us to their real home. The memory of my loved one is a part of my life forever. Today is a celebration that love never dies.

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johnhay.jpgMy husband and I just arrived from an overnight trip from Baguio. Oh I just love Baguio on a non-peak month. Traffic was so smooth all the way to Baguio and back. We were supposed to stay at the Baguio Country Club but the club gave such a lovely promo to its members , like pay one night for a two nights stay . Naturally, all the rooms were fully booked. We decided to stay at my husband’s ancestral home instead. Not quite the romantic interlude I expected for the weekend but oh well, at least I was with my loving husband. Revisiting Baguio is such a bittersweet experience. Every summer and Christmas season, we bring the three kids to bond with their roots or rather with their father’s roots. I also bring them to Cebu, where I grew up. Camp John Hay is one of the places that my son and I use to play during the summer months. I have not been here for such a long time since his death. I cannot help but miss his physical presence so I breathe in the cold pine scent hoping to feel a spiritual connection with him. Knowing he was here at one point in his life is enough to make me smile.

I looked around for a wifi enabled coffee shop on an early sunday morning.

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The best place to get an internet wi-fi is at the Filling Station in Camp John Hay. It’s quiet and has a spectacular view of the pine trees. There is a butterfly farm beside it but the rains prevented me from strolling further. So there I was sipping coffee and looking out at the pine trees hoping to catch a moment in time. Those moments when the laughter of my son and girls used to reverberate the cool air of this city. God, how I miss those days.

47a.jpgMy dear husband turned 47 years old last night. Heh, he’s 2 years younger than me. We thanked God for another year. I told my husband that every year after 46 years old is a celebration for me. My mother died young at the age of 45 and I am full of gratitude that for every year added to my life. Every year I buy practical gifts for my husband usually kitchen appliances. How boring is that? I should be more romantic in my gift choices. This year, I wanted to buy him the Super Kalan, the Magic Stove. In times of high energy costs, we need to be fuel efficient. It costs less than 5000 pesos if I remember right , including the stand. The Super Kalan utilizes any kind of locally available unexpensive fuel like newspaper, wood, charcoal, carton, sawdust, ricehusk, twigs etc.. But I needed more time to order it. So I scrapped that idea and bought instead a pressure cooker. Our old pressure cooker just conked out and I keep forgetting to buy a replacement.

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The cat jumped right into the box after the gift opening

47b.jpgI prepared a lot of food for his birthday dinner such as beef stroganoff, Lemon-Thyme Barbecued chicken, Shrimp Potato Salad, Pepperoni Pasta and Jasmine Rice. The 2 girls arrived from the dorm that night just to be with their dad. Awww. It’s a rarity to have these close moments with your college kids. They have their own friends and social life. Inspite of having midterms exams the next day, the celebration of their dad’s [tag]birthday[/tag] was more important to them. It was a wonderful celebration only made more meaningful when my aunt called to say that her house (which we sold to her in 1998) is up for sale exclusively for us. We were delighted to hear the good news. There were tenants who were still living in the house so that was an obstacle to the sale. What a wonderful birthday gift from God.

150px-Candleburning.jpgThe mother of a my husband’s brother-in-law passed away early this morning. Although the mom was ill for the last two months, her death was still sudden. A few minutes before she passed away, she scribbled a note saying “Welcome J and A”. It’s like she knew she was leaving. Since the children are all based abroad, they had to rely on friends and relatives to check on things while they prepared for their trip to the Philippines. How stressful it must be for them to think of all the funeral arrangements. Having experienced 5 deaths in my immediate family from 1976 to 2003, the stress alone in funeral arrangements is overwhelming. While on our way to the chapel tonight, I told my husband that we should consider having funeral insurance (I forgot the term for it). I can’t imagine having to burden our children with our funeral.

When my father died in 2003, the “funeral assistance” component of my sister’s Philamlife plan did a wonderful job of coordinating paperwork, details for the coffin, the funeral car etc. All we had to do was approve it or provide suggestions. This was not the case when my son died in 2000. One does not expect to bury your child so one is totally unprepared for this formidable task. An accidental death in a city far away from home added to burden. Where can we get 70,000 pesos at 7:00 PM to pay for the coffin? Where can we get the death certificate at this time of the night? On a saturday night? What ? Where? How? By God’s grace, friends and political connections produced the cash and the death certificate. The task of choosing a coffin is the most depressing job ever but it needs to be done. My 14 year old daughter sensed my hesitation and held my hand as we shopped for a coffin. Walking like a zombie, I jolted from my stupor when she pointed to a purple coffin.

A purple coffin , mom!

huh?

Oh no, dear. Luijoe is a boy and he can’t be buried in a purple coffin.

For a brief moment, mother and daughter laughed. We found humor in an otherwise depressing situation.

See, if there was a funeral events coordinator ( much like a wedding events coordinator), we would not have to face such a
daunting and crazy task. In my deepest despair, I might have ended up agreeing with Lauren’s choice of a purple coffin.