‘Oversharenting’ and other social media pitfalls

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“Whether or not you realize it, you’re setting up a digital trail for your children that can last through their lifetime, and you’re doing it without your permission”

Psychological implications of growing up without anonymity

oversharentingCutesy photos may be harmless now, but they might pose a problem in years to come. This is why experts strongly recommend making sure that whatever images or anecdotes parents post are things their children will feel comfortable with later in life.

“Whether or not you realize it, you’re setting up a digital trail for your children that can last through their lifetime, and you’re doing it without your permission,” Greenberg says.

Kathryn Tuggle of Main Street explains that children can also be very sensitive about their appearance during their tween years. “If you post photos of your child during an ‘ugly duckling’ phase, you could be setting them up for self-esteem issues in the future.”

Another danger is “branding” your child. If you continually post pictures of them crying or clinging to you with captions like, “He’s so cranky,” or “She’s so shy,” it’s also possible you could be shaping your children’s perception of themselves. Hence, think about what’s best for your child, not you, the next time you log on to social media.

To read more about privacy setting pluses and the problems with privacy settings, click here.

‘Oversharenting’

Sharing too much information about one’s kids online has become too commonplace that according to Time, a term has already been coined for this: oversharenting. It is understandable that parents would want to share the growth and development of their children, but there’s also a fine line between posting family pictures and cutesy photos of baby’s first bath. You never know where your kid’s pictures might end up someday.

“Anytime you post anything on social media, you’re losing a little bit of control over what happens to that image,” says clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg through Main Street. “There are people out there who are bad. There are stalkers and malicious people who can take your pictures and put them on sites where heads end up on other people’s bodies… Socially isolated people who spend all day on Facebook stalking people, who get turned on by children,” Greenberg adds, emphasizing how as parents, we have to think about how much we’re going to post.

Joining the bandwagon is never a good reason to post something. “There may be pressure to show off your baby, but you don’t have to join that club. It’s always your decision.”

What you can do

Some parents go to extreme measures of literally posting nothing about their kids at all, but for those who still want to share photos or videos of their beautiful brood to some extent online, here are some tips that might be helpful:

  • If you shall decide to keep your child off social media, cull your friend list and let them know about your intention of doing so.
  • You may also use a pet name, rather than your child’s real name, to afford him/her some protection against companies or individuals who might be interested in your child’s personal data.
  • Avoid tagging your child’s photos on Facebook lest you want to the facial recognition tool to work on him/her.
  • Lock down your privacy settings to prevent strangers from viewing your pictures and posts.
  • Lastly, and most importantly, use the internet consciously and in a way that is effective and positive for your life.

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Here are other interesting and worthwhile reads on sharing about your child on social media:

*“Mother and Child Reflected” by William Pitcher, courtesy of Flickr. 

 

written by Edel Cayetano as originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles

 

Helicopter parents may need to come down to earth

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Helicopter parents take away a child’s character and his ability to do things on his own. This type of parenting is backfiring. – Lisa Hein

helicopter-parenting

I only heard of term, helicopter parenting from Cookie when I asked for suggestions on topics. I did a little research and found out that helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not.

I wondered if I was so I asked Lauren if I was a helicopter parent because I knew at some point I was a protective and strict parent. She said “no”. Sometimes I think I am so laid back but I don’t think I was a helicopter parent except when it came to the internet usage. In 1996, there were very few kids online and I had no one to ask advice on web safety. I learned to let go when the girls were in college but I never hovered like a helicopter when it came to their academics. In fact, I never fussed about their grades except when they needed help on a topic. Part of growing up is learning to stand on their own. The girls knew we were always there to ask for help.

How can you tell if you are a helicopter parent? A parent shared me her article 10 ways to tell if you are a helicopter parent, ten signs that you’re well on the road to driving your children, and yourself, insane. What is disturbing is the results of a study that says ” overly protective parents might be leaving a lasting impact on their child’s personality.” The US study, which surveyed college freshman, is one of the first to try to define exactly what helicopter parenting is, and measure it.

Can you imagine what it will be like in the more conservative Philippine setting? Only 10 % of the students surveyed had helicopter parents. I think I saw a few during registration period in Ateneo when I fetched my daughter after she was done.

What did the study show?

“Students with helicopter parents tended to be less open to new ideas and actions, as well as more vulnerable, anxious and self-consciousness, among other factors, compared with their counterparts with more distant parents.”

“We have a person who is dependent, who is vulnerable, who is self-conscious, who is anxious, who is impulsive, not open to new actions or ideas; is that going to make a successful college student?”

Many educators have been searching for ways to tell parents when to back off. It’s a tricky line to walk, since studies link parents’ engagement in a child’s education to better grades, higher test scores, less substance abuse and better college outcomes. Given a choice, teachers say, overinvolved parents are preferable to invisible ones.

The challenge is helping parents know when they are crossing a line.

My advice is letting go slowly… starting at 8 years old, determine if your child can wean off from your tutorial time, decide extra curricular activities and even making decisions with your guidance. Remember , a certain amount of hovering is understandable when it comes to young kids, but when it persists through high school and college, I think it is so unhealthy for both sides.

‘Give ’em the morals, give ’em the right start, but you’ve got to let them go.’ They deserve to live their own lives.”

helicopter-mom

Image posted at take10withtricia.com and http://womenonthefence.com

Homeschooling or traditional education?

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Homeschooling or traditional education

Our eldest daughter just turned three last March but she was already showing signs of interest for school as early as age 2. Her grandmother’s house is right in front of a public school and our own neighborhood is near three schools so it is understandable that her excitement builds up every time the academic year starts as uniformed youngsters dragging along their bags and lunch boxes are fetched by school buses.

But a lot of things are making my husband and me think twice about taking the traditional route to learning. Money-wise, a good pre-school demands tuition fees as high as universities so I started kidding about saving up for college by home schooling our kids now. What started as a joke took a serious turn when a friend bewailed about the stress her son went through as they scouted for a pre-school.

At the age of 4, he was already expected to know how to identify the alphabets and colors, count one to ten, read simple words and write his name. My friend was confident her son would breeze through all the pre-acceptance tests with all the home-training she did with the yaya and he almost did. There were practices that scared the wits out of the little boy. One school made him enter an empty room without proper orientation so when the time came for a teacher to appraise his skills, he made an excuse to see his mother. He said he pooped and had to go to the toilet but actually, all he wanted was to run to the comfort of his mom and convince her to go home. Another school did not like the child’s confidence and branded him disobedient. He was told to count one to ten but he proudly insisted on counting one to twenty. My friend was asked to bring her son back for debriefing to teach him to follow rules. Something is amiss here. A child’s learning has endless possibilities. Why clip his wings before he could even learn to fly?

There goes the dilemma. How do I explain to my excited tyke that school will be home and not in a big building just like where the rest of the kids go? Will we deprive her of the excitement of trudging with her backpack and lunch bag in tow? How will she develop social skills if we take her away from the classroom set-up?

But then again, we see that our daughter is smart for her age (modesty aside) and has great potential for advanced learning. What if conventional school does not meet her needs and limits her enthusiasm to explore? Think with me as the search begins.

PREPARATIONS FOR HOME SCHOOLING
Requirements for the parent. The ideal set-up is for one parent to work for sustenance while the other focuses on the tutelage. It could be more challenging for single parents or couples who are employed since she or he has to juggle work with the child’s education. The key is focus and dedication. There are even academies that assist Overseas Filipino Workers to home school their children on line. Dedicating two to three hours of quality time daily is a good start. It becomes easier if the child learns to self-study as she/he grows older.

The Department of Education requires home schooling parents to be college graduates. If the parent feels ill-equipped, guidance for teaching difficult subjects could be drawn from parent support groups, teachers and academic consultants of schools that offer home schooling. In fact, many parents who do not have teaching experiences successfully home school their kids.

HOW DOES IT WORK?
Check out learning institutions that offer home school programs accredited by the Department of Education and study their approaches and curriculum to see if it fits your family. Enrolment dates may vary for every school. Before the child is enrolled in the home school program, parents are required to attend the orientation to prepare them for the task.

Home schooling may start when the child reaches 3 ½ years old. For the first grade, the child should be at least 6 years old. Initially the child is assessed by the home schooling academy to enter the Grade 1+ level.

Upon assessment of the child, an academic consultant recommends an appropriate curriculum for the year which will be used as basis for buying materials. Parents may provide another option subject to approval of the academic consultant.

The curriculum will then be furnished by the school. The schedule and place of teaching and creativity in handling the lessons is up to the parent. Preacher Bro. Bo Sanchez capitalized on his son’s passion for horses. From there, lessons on anatomy, arts, culture and even business sprang.

WHAT IF WE DECIDE TO TRANSFER TO A REGULAR / CONVENTIONAL SCHOOL?
Children are tested annually through a standardized achievement test which serves as a basis on how the kids are faring compared to their peers. The test could also be used as diagnostic tool for the child’s next level. The achievement test measures the child’s proficiency in language, arts, science, math and social studies. Aside from this, there is the regular portfolio review with the academic consultant to monitor their progress.

Dep Ed requires records from Preparatory School to High School. These are usually honoured in conventional academies and universities before accepting the home-schooled child provided he/she passes the entrance examination.

WHAT ARE THE DISADVANTAGES?
Most of the apprehensions about home schooling are based on the fear that children will be deprived of opportunities for socialization. This is a fallacy. The best socialization happens at home where the child builds his self-confidence on the feeling of security around his family. Home schooling academies also offer opportunities to relate with their contemporaries through weekly meet-ups, summer camps, retreats, field trips, clubs and on-line organizations.

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF HOME SCHOOLING?
Less Expense. Although parents who decide to teach their kids at home have to spend for curriculum materials, field trips and out-of-town excursions, the expense for home schooling is way lower than the tuition fees, miscellaneous fees, transportation and daily allowances.

More peace of mind. With all the headlines on crimes committed against children and bullying occurring in schools, we could not help but be more wary and protective of our little girls. Home schooling seems a better option to shield them from the exploitations of the world and unnecessary bad experiences that may scar them for life.

More time for building relationships. My chum Tess confesses that home schooling her two boys could really be so physically taxing especially now that she is pregnant with their third child but the joy of deepening bonds with her sons is definitely priceless.

More edge. Studies show that home schooled children excel more since their learning is designed one-on-one and the parent adjusts to the readiness of the child to learn.

Some of the home schooled children are scientist Albert Einstein, most of the US presidents including Abraham Lincoln and George Washington, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, writer Mark Twain, nurse Florence Nightingale and the list goes on. Who knows? Your child may just be the next in the long line of achievers and shakers.

Photo: “Olivia working on homeschooling” by Ann, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved

by Jasmine Barrios

How parents can get involved with homework

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“Being a writer is like having homework every night for the rest of your life.”Lawrence Kasdan

homework_parents

““Grades matter,” I often told my little girls, “but only as a stepping stone to getting to your college choice. Those grades are yours, not mine.” I often reminded them as they poured over their books. When my eldest daughter stopped receiving honors in her third grade, I asked her, ““Do you want to be an honor student?” She folded her arms and shook her head miserably. No, she didn’t want the pressure. ““Okay, fine. Get the best grades you can achieve.” My other girl seemed more driven, wanting to achieve higher grades. That’s the reality of school. Grades are needed to bring you from one level to another. How involved was I with my children’s homework?

I made it a priority to establish good and effective study habits starting at six years old. I bought study tables during their first grade, complete with book and paper organizers. The sturdy table lasted them till their early college years when I decided to discard it when we moved to a new home.

A study routine was set between dinner and bed time. It was early dinner at 6:00p.m. and study hours from 6:30 p.m. till 9:00 p.m. I stressed that they had to finish their homework or studies within that time frame so they could sleep at exactly 9:00 p.m. Television time was definitely out of the picture except for Friday night and the weekend. The girls never complained. They knew that television time will eat up their study hours. I also believed that once used to a study routine, it will be mutually beneficial for both of us. They learn good study habits and in turn , I will not get stressed out with their homework.

During their first till third grades, monitoring their homework was necessary to set the routine. If my child faced a difficult lesson, we both tried to solve it. I felt that I shouldn’t stress out over my children’s tasks. I also believed that parent involvement need not interfere with learning. For example, even if I am good in math, I did not want to confuse my children with the teaching techniques offered in the classroom. Their school used finger math, which is alien to me. Though the school taught the parents on the proper use of finger math, it seemed quite inefficient to me.

Parent involvement in homework can turn into parent interference if parents complete tasks that the child is capable of completing alone. Independence was what I wanted them to achieve. ““Try to solve it first,” I’d suggest. Much later on, I discovered that one of my girls had a weakness in numbers during her fifth grade. I resisted the idea of getting a math tutor. She used to be so smart in math. So what is the tutor for? I asked the school guidance counselor. I learned that if a child needs help, give it. So I asked my girl, ““Do you need extra help with math?” She nodded ““I find math so difficult. I need help.” I know now that If a child is having difficulty with homework, parents should become involved by paying close attention. She practically grew up with her math tutor until her last math course in college. By the time my girls reached their intermediate and high school years, they were pretty much on their own, following the study routine set since their first grade.

Maybe my second daughter loved studying or she just had many assignments but she asked for more extension on her study hours. I gave in to her wishes because I could see she was determined to ace her subjects. Unfortunately, her dad thought otherwise and would tell her to sleep if he caught her: ““That’s enough studying. You need to sleep”.

I never believed in giving material rewards whenever a child gets a good grade. My rationale was that the achievement of a good grade is incentive enough. Of course, there was the occasional surprise food treats at home. I wanted my girls to take personal pride in their achievement and that material gifts are not the main goal for studying.

Did the good study habits help? Their high grades surely brought them to their colleges of choice. More than that, the discipline and time management established by good and effective study habits helped them hurdle challenges in life. Mommy didn’t have to always solve every little problem. I smile as I watch my grown-up ladies from afar, now financially independent and making life decisions with our blessings.
Photo source: credit here

Six things we can learn from children

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“A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.” – Paulo Coelho

learn from children

Children may not have a lot of experience and knowledge about the world but they have ideal qualities that many adults have long forgotten. Kids can help remind us of little things that matter most. They can give us a better perspective of life. Sometimes adults get lost in the sea of responsibilities that they forget how to open themselves to the sense of wonder and exploration. If you think about it, children are gurus of true happiness.

The journey to adulthood may have made us forget some of the essential things in life but it’s not too late. We can still relearn and embrace the life lessons from childhood.

1. That another day is a chance to start anew

Adults like to carry around negative emotions like excess baggage. When things go wrong, adults have a tendency to get mad, lay blame and hold grudges.

Children find it easy to let go and face the next day with optimism. When you are young, each day is like a fresh start. They open their doors to new opportunities and exciting experiences. Children leave past disappointments and failures behind and try again without doubt and hesitation.

Kids may fall several times but they always manage to get back up on their feet. When adults are bombarded with challenges, they tend to focus on the number of failures. The harder it is to recover, the more they lose sight of their goals.

Children can teach us to hang on and just keep on trying. Success is never far behind when you give your best. Patience and perseverance are keys to realizing your visions.

2. Pay attention to the little things in life

We are often so absorbed with our work and responsibilities at home that we neglect the beauty around us. Problems and worries of everyday life can easily weigh us down. Sometimes adults would rather bury themselves in their work so that they could temporarily forget their troubles.

Time can restrain us. Many adults are always in a hurry to beat deadlines and pay bills on a regular basis. We are not aware that life is passing us by.

Children can teach us to stop and smell the roses. Take time to slow down and appreciate the beauty that is all around us. Embracing the richness of life can help calm the mind and the senses. Finding peace can help us focus better. Sometimes a break is just what we need to boost our energy and concentration.

3. To face each day with courage and confidence

The young welcome each day with confidence and courage which allows them to enjoy life better than adults. Children are not afraid of taking risks. Their innocence makes them more open to new experiences.

As we grow older, fear becomes a result of what we have learned in the past. For instance, an adult knows better than to touch a burning candle because he knows he will get burned. In this context, fear prevents one from getting hurt.

Adults are often ruled by different fears. Many grown-ups are afraid of the unknown, being ridiculed, being rejected, being judged, and the uncertainty of what might happen next.

Balance is important in life. It’s alright to use past experiences to guide us in making better judgment but fear should not limit us from trying new things.

People can enjoy life more by setting aside fears of failure. How will we know unless we try?

4. Take time out and have fun

Play is not just for children. According to Help.org, play is a way to “fuel your imagination, creativity, problem-solving abilities, and emotional well-being.”

Many of us become slaves to our duties, commitments and responsibilities at the workplace and at home. We end up being so overwhelmed with tasks that we barely have time to relax and have fun. As we grow older, we dismiss the essence of play.

In this modern world, adults’ idea of fun is often watching movie marathons at home, engaging in online games, and browsing social media sites. Many of us have forgotten about energetic and carefree play that  gives us renewed vigor.

Find time away from your modern, serious and hectic lives to have pure fun. It can be as simple as riding your bike with your spouse, friend or child. How about blowing bubbles in the air or running around the lawn? Get a chalk and draw on the pavement. Better yet, use it to draw a good old “piko” (hopscotch) pattern on the ground and play with the whole family. Fly a kite, catch a Frisbee, play fetch with your dog, chase butterflies, and so on.

Keep in mind that play can relieve stress, stimulate the mind, inspire creativity, and improve relationships.

5. Learn to give without expecting anything in return

Most adults are open to helping, giving or sharing with others but they often expect something in return. In the journey of life, many of us have learned that a favor merits a return favor; perhaps not immediately but later on.

Children can show us how good it feels to give unconditionally. The young ones give without any hidden motives. Adults can re-discover how to give without expecting to get something out of it. The happiness of showing kindness and generosity to others can be its own reward.

Let kids remind us of how wonderful it is to extend a helping hand without strings attached. Meaningful contributions make both giving and receiving a heartwarming experience.

6. Open your heart to forgiveness

Children are the epitome of forgiving and forgetting. One minute kids can be fighting over a toy and the next minute, they are giving each other a tight hug.

Adults find it harder to forgive. Pride often gets in the way of reconciliation. When adults get hurt, they often become resentful. They carry a grudge that amplifies the pain.

Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. When we forgive someone, we give that person another chance. The young can teach us that forgiveness can free us of further pain.

 

by Ma. Rachel Yapchiongco , as originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles

 

Photo c/o Pixabay. Public domain.

Never too early to teach kids about the value of setting goals

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“I want to be an architect. I want to build giant buildings that can touch the clouds,” Jonathan, a 4 year old boy told his mom about his ambition. Jessica encourages her son to dream about the future.

Setting age-appropriate and short term goals

It is never too early to teach kids about the value of setting goals and working their way towards achieving them. Goal setting can help provide children with a promising future.

goal-setting

It’s advisable to start young kids with short term goals that may take only a few days until a week to accomplish. This is a good way for kids to experience successful tasks before aspiring for more challenging and long-term goals.

Parents can help their children reach their full potential by encouraging them to set age-appropriate goals. Start them early to help them work their way towards their objectives. A goal could be as simple as finishing homework, completing a school project, memorizing a poem, practicing dance steps, or studying for a quiz.

Stephanie, 9 years old set a goal to finish a 200-jigsaw puzzle all by herself in a span of few days. Stephanie’s goal may sound trivial for an adult, but at her age, it’s a concrete goal that promotes critical thinking, independence, patience, and determination.

Never underestimate a child’s goal. Small goals can help shape a young one’s character. Every little goal promotes stages of development. It is the role of parents to be aware of their children’s hopes and dreams and teach them how to reach for their goals.

Kids need encouragement no matter how simple their goal is to inspire them to fulfill their objectives. It provides them a sense of purpose and direction. Just like adults, hopes and aspirations bring meaning to a young one’s life. It gives them something to look forward to. Little triumphs become stepping stone for kids to set new and more challenging goals.

When Stephanie finished her 200-jigsaw puzzle on her own, she felt a sense of joy and pride. Her parents showed her how proud they were of her accomplishment by having the puzzle framed. They displayed the puzzle on the living room wall for everyone to see. Stephanie’s mom and dad also rewarded their daughter by bringing her to Puzzle Mansion in Tagaytay to see the grand collection of jigsaw puzzles. Stephanie is excited to build her next jigsaw puzzle.

Children can benefit from fun goals. Little goals that kids enjoy doing can help them aspire for bigger goals in the future. Achieving a small goal can give a child a boost of confidence and energy.

we are all god's children papal visit

Freedom to choose

Parents always have the best interest of their children at heart but as much as you want your child to become successful in life, it’s also important to give them the freedom to choose their path.

Give kids the opportunity to create their own goals and decide what they want to achieve. Parents can guide their children but they should refrain from dictating what they want their kids to do.

Celso was a member of the university basketball team when he was in college. When his son was two years old, he bought him his first basketball. At age three, he bought his son a mini adjustable basketball hoop to develop his motor skills and coordination. Celso hoped that introducing his son to basketball at an early stage would encourage him to follow his footsteps. Despite Celso’s efforts, his son didn’t exhibit passion for basketball as he grew older. At age 7, his son expressed love for music and not sports. His son begged him to enroll him in guitar lessons. Even though Celso was disappointed deep inside, he did not show it. The last thing he wanted to do was discourage his child from what he loves. He did not push his son to follow the path that he wants. Celso supported his son’s love for music by buying him a guitar and enrolling him in guitar lessons. His son is now 12 years old and a member of the school band. Celso is very proud of his young man.

Children who experience freedom to set their own little goals can gain sense of purpose. This kind of freedom can contribute to self-confidence and self-belief. Kids who are guided with goals can enhance decision making and problem solving skills. It also motivates them to work harder to achieve success.

Laying out step by step actions

Kids who have personal goals are likely to do better in life than those who don’t know how to make plans. When you introduce your children to the significance of goal setting, make sure that you also teach them how to reach their goals. Support your child’s dreams by guiding them in planning their course of action.

For example, if your child’s goal is to qualify for the school’s swimming team for the next school year, you can help your child enhance his swimming skills by giving him an opportunity to practice swimming regularly. It’s great if you have your own pool at home or if there’s a nearby pool in your village that he can use. You can also choose to enroll him in advance swimming lessons after school or during weekends. Part of the action steps is investing time and effort to regularly perform swimming drills in order to improve stamina and swimming techniques. When your child is determined to reach his goal, he will work hard to swim better and faster in order to qualify for the team next school year. Your child may also have to learn to make certain sacrifices to achieve his goal. For instance, he may not be able to go to the mall during weekends because he needs to attend swimming lessons. Part of goal setting is learning to set priorities even at a young age.

Learning from mistakes

The road to success is not always smooth. Sometimes there are bumps or roadblocks along the way. Explain to your child that challenges are part of the learning process. It may take a few tries before your child can achieve his/her objectives. Tell your child that it’s normal to make mistakes along the way. The important thing to remember is not to give up. Teach your child how to learn from his/her mistakes and use his/her experiences to do better in the future.

Acknowledging effort

Make it a point to acknowledge your children’s efforts in goal setting and working their way towards achieving their objectives. Applaud their dedication and commitment to their goals, no matter how small it is.

Compliment your child for a job well done. Boost his confidence with praises such as, “I’m proud of you for doing your best. Keep it up!” or “I’m amazed by how focused you are in reaching your goal.”

 

Photo c/o Flickr. Some rights reserved.
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by Ma. Rachel Yapchiongco as originally published at Goal-setting for kids: Teaching them early

Our Halloween Trick or Treat Tradition 25 years ago

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halloween traditionWhat happened to Halloween day? Why is Trick or Treat celebrated way earlier than October 31? Where is the fun in moving it to an earlier date? Those were some of the questions my kids asked me in 2006. My three children celebrated Trick or Treat only on October 31 whether it was a weekday or weekend. Then that all changed when our village changed the date because it was just convenient for them to facilitate the kids in costume. My kids often say that it is like moving Christmas day to December 20. Something like that.

Wikipedia states that

Halloween (or Hallowe’en) is an international holiday celebrated on October 31. Halloween activities include trick-or-treating, ghost tours, bonfires, costume parties, visiting haunted attractions, carving jack-o’-lanterns, reading scary stories, and watching horror movies.

I do not understand. Maybe I am trapped in the American tradition that my husband brought to our family since we first celebrated it 25 years ago. Maybe the Philippines has its own version on how to celebrate Halloween.

I remember the day my dear husband reminded me to dress up the little girls into witches for Halloween. “Halloween?” I thought Halloween was only done in the Western countries. ” Yes you have to dress them up as witches”. As a little boy in the late sixties, he pranced around the neighborhood begging for candies and yelling “Trick or Treat” . According to him, the Halloween “Trick or Treat” originated in the Philippines during the sixties when the Americans living in the village started the tradition. In the early nineties, Halloween was not yet commercialized. No little kids doing trick or treat inside the malls.

The Trick or Treat was limited to Ayala Land villages, where most American expatriates lived. There were a few masks and simple decors in National Book store but that was it. No costumes. I had to be creative. I designed a witch costume with yellow piping and a dressmaker executed it. A balikbayan sister from San Francisco brought in the hat, the candy corn candies, the fangs gum for props.

halloween traditionWe drove all the way to visit the kid’s grandparents in Alabang just for the spooky Halloween experience. As usual, the beaming stage mother dressed up her adorable girls as cute little witches. The Trick or Treat party at the club was fantastic. The kids were dressed in typical Halloween costumes like vampires, ghosts, witches, and devils or even pumpkins.The eerie decors added to the thrilling experience.

halloweenThe Trick or Treat adventure in this swanky Alabang village is something else. The houses compete with each other on the scariest theme. Most of these houses had tricks. In one house, the kids were terrified of the candle-lit pathway that led to a vampire rocking on the chair. Complete with spine-tingling music as you walk towards the vampire, it even freaked me out. One of my daughters scurried away as soon as she saw the ghoulish figure. For many years, the girls spent their Halloween with their grandparents in this Alabang village until Luijoe arrived in our lives.

LuijoeLuijoe’s first Halloween in 1994 was spent at his aunt’s village. She started the Trick or Treat experience in her own village. 1994 saw the year when malls and the like started to sell costumes and more Halloween decors. My husband just adored his little boy. It’s no wonder that Halloween is such a painful experience for my husband. The past years, he used to hibernate in our bedroom avoiding the little kids knocking at our doors. But that is just how he was then. I love giving candies to these kids as I imagine my precious Luijoe hovering nearby. I am sure Luijoe is around me all the time.

5.jpgMy little boy posed his cutest smile ever. “sigh” I miss my boy. As I gathered the photos for this entry, I could not help turning misty-eyed pouring over these precious memories . “Was he really that cute?” “How I wish I can just rewind the past and hug him all over again!” Pictures and memories are what is left of him. Of course, his love rings true in my heart. But yes, I digress. And the tears well up again as I write this.

The girls who were then in their pre-teen years continued to be witches until their early teens. That’s when they designed their own costumes or innovated their wardrobe.

6.jpg7.jpgLuijoe’s last two Halloween was dressed up as a little devil. How he liked playing the naughty little imp to the hilt. This little devil is now my angel . His impish grins just makes me smile. Kids are just so adorable aren’t they? I miss my kids as little kids and being the stage mother fussing around them. Now that they have grown up, I’m just there when they need me.

halloween
8.jpg12.jpgAfter Luijoe died in 2000, the girls continued the Trick or Treat tradition with their younger cousins. Costumes are now based on themes other than traditional horror, such as dressing up as a character from a TV show or movie. Ahhh…. I miss the traditional Halloween costumes. L in this photo is behind the fence because she was traumatized by an 11 year old bully who grabbed her whole bag of candies. Demand for candies is just so much that after an hour, we always ran out of treats.

Our kitties are not exempt from trick or treat.

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The girls have outgrown the costumes but the ghost story telling or watching horror movies never dies. I don’t have to don the witch’ hat and spook them out. I don’t need to line the garage with eerie candle-lit lighting. No need for the masked monster by the rocking chair. They can entertain themselves now.

So that’s how my family celebrate Halloween. What’s your tradition?

Time management for children

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Ralph Waldo Emerson once said “This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.”

time management for children

If there is one thing I am proud of my kids (even my departed son), they learned time management. Never were they tardy for school. Never did I ever have to yell at them “Come on, hurry up”. Sure, sometimes it was hard to wake them up but they knew the schedule of each school day and their play time. Their dad may not be a prompt person but you know the kids didn’t have to follow their father’s footsteps. There is no such thing as inherited trait of ““being late”. Teaching my children the values early on in life, particularly the important lesson of time management was crucial part of their growing years. I prepared them for a lifetime of self-discipline helped them in their adulthood.

Time management is not necessarily about getting lots of stuff done, because much more important than that is making sure that you are working on the right things, the things that truly need to be done.

During their pre-teen years, my two girls traveled twice to the USA and Canada through a children’s choir. This entailed discipline and time management skills when it came to costume changes that needed to be done in 1 minute. It also involved checking travel times and being prompt during rehearsals. I am proud to say that the two girls were never lectured by their choir conductor for tardiness.

How did I teach my kids?

time management for children

1. Set clear priorities on daily activities.

A valuable time management technique is to establish a work routine that suits individual physical requirements as well as schedules. This means give a daily schedule. There was a time for schoolwork, naps and play time. By the time, the girls ate solid food, I gave them an hour to finish their lunch. If they weren’t done, I removed the plate. The consequence of getting hungry is not eating their lunch properly. They learned that one has to eat at the proper time. Bedtime routine was also strictly followed. No late nights for my kids up to their pre-teen years. As they reached their teen years, I gave more allowances for them to arrange their schedules but still the bedtime and waking up rule was followed.

2. There are consequences if time is not managed properly.

Of course they knew this very clearly once they were at school. Tardiness had consequences. In fact, I remember as a kid, the tardy were listed in the blackboard.

3. Give them an idea on the possible duration of an activity.

As young kids, I didn’t want them to study long hours so I told them that the maximum is only 2 hours, from 6:00 to 8:00 PM. They had to finish their homework really quickly or their assigned tasks. I encourage them to start with the difficult homework first while they still had energy. It worked quite well and by the time they reached their fourth grade, the kids studied on their own. I reminded them though when bedtime was coming soon, ““It’s almost bedtime. Ten minutes more so wrap things up”.

At every stage of my kids’ life, I learned to adjust the lessons of time management. More leeway was given for them to make decisions on their own and handle their schedules properly. It helped that I installed time-telling tools such as clocks and calendars in every room of the house and gave them watches to monitor their time.

I often told them that if they didn’t manage their time well, they will be far less productive than they could be and get a lot less done. They will also feel much more stressed and overwhelmed, and struggle to find time to spend with the people they care about and to do the things they enjoy.

My two girls are not little girls anymore. In fact, they are adults, working and busy managing their work and social life. Lauren knows when to work hard, and play hard that she takes time off to travel.. M is devoted to her new job but takes the weekend off to socialize with her friends.

Without doubt, parents should give their children an early head start on the lesson of time management. With proper guidance and the right tools , kids will definitely learn this important lesson well.

6 steps to curb your child’s electronic device appetite

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tech_savvy_kidBack in the old days, you can keep kids settled down by giving them toys to play with, pen and paper to draw, storybooks to read, and box of crayons and coloring books to color. Those days are long gone.  Nowadays, if you want a restless child to sit back and relax, you would probably need an electronic device to come to the rescue.

Exposure to gadgets at young ages created a voracious appetite for all sorts of digital media and hi-tech gadgets. Even education has tapped into technology by integrating it in classroom learning. Many schools have realized that technology is essential in helping kids acquire necessary skills and knowledge to cope in a technological driven society.

Today’s young generation have access to different electronic devices for their entertainment. There’s TV, tablets, smartphones, video game consoles.  Tech-savvy kids have technology at the tips of their fingers.

Modern technology has changed the way of life of many people including the way kids entertain themselves and interact with others. Some say that electronic devices have created “anti-social” generation. People may have different notions about so-called “anti-social” behavior exhibited by today’s young generation. If you want a concrete example, all you have to do is make an observation the next time to go to a restaurant.

In most restaurants, you are bound to see kids using their parents’ smart phones or tablets.  You might also see other children playing with their game consoles or listening to music players. There are parents who find electronic devices helpful in keeping their kids entertained over long periods of time. Some say that many kids today spend more time on gadgets and less time talking to other people.  Sad but true.

Bianca, a mother of a seven year old girl was a little sad when she realized how kids bond with each other nowadays.  During a recent family reunion, she saw her daughter and her cousins sitting beside each other. It would have been a nice scene if only they were interacting with one another. Sadly, instead of talking, they were holding their respective iPads and playing different games. They would occasionally ask each other about game moves but conversations were kept to a minimum.

If you’re worried about your child’s insatiable appetite for online browsing, movie streaming, gaming, instant messaging, social media interacting, and so on, then perhaps, it’s time to think of ways to circumvent excessive usage of electronic gadgets.

With summer vacation just around the corner, many kids will have a lot of free time at home.  When there’s no homework and school projects looming in the background, kids can spend more time watching television, playing video games, messaging their friends, and posting on social media networks. Avoid letting electronic devices dominate your child’s summer vacation.

Here are ways that might help curb your child’s inclination for electronic devices.

Set a limit for electronic use. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), kids today spend an average of seven hours a day on entertainment media. Studies have shown that too much use of electronic media can lead to health issues such as attention problems, behavior issues, learning difficulties, sleeping problems, eating disorders, and obesity.  It is recommended that you limit your child’s usage of electronic devices to one to two hours a day. Teach your child about self-discipline in using gadgets.

Monitor children’s media use. It is also important to monitor usage.  Prevent your child from exposure to violence and sexual content by supervising what he or she watches on television and DVDs. Talk to your child about Internet safety rules. In this modern age, it is vital that you protect your child from the risk of cyberbullying. An innocent kid can become a potential target of online predators. Cyber bullies and online predators can hide behind a blanket of anonymity.

Talk to your child about websites that are safe to visit and those that are potentially dangerous and off limits. Explore provisions for parental controls to help you monitor what your child is doing online. When it comes to gaming, make sure that the video games that your child is playing are age appropriate.

It is recommend that you set up your computer, television, and video consoles in a central area in your home such as the living room, where members of the household often pass for easier monitoring.

Establish “no technology zones”.  Designate certain areas in your home where electronic devices are not allowed. For instance, you can make it a rule not to bring gadgets to the dining room so that the family can enjoy meal times.

Be a good example to your child.Set a good example to your child by limiting your use of electronic devices when the family is together.  For instance, refrain from texting or accepting calls during meals.

Promote real play time. Encourage your child to interact with other children through traditional games. When your kid has reached the allotted time limit for gadget use, give him or her other fun options to do.  Invite your child to go outside where he or she can play with other kids. Introduce your kid to games that you used to play when you were a child like piko (hopscotch), taguan (hide and seek), habulan (tag), patintero, agawan base, tumbang preso, and so on.

For indoor activities, teach your child to play board games. Make it more fun by playing board games with the whole family. You can also enjoy putting together a jigsaw puzzle.

Leave gadgets when spending time with the family. Leave gadgets behind when you out with the family.  The absence of gadgets can help encourage family conversations especially when dining or going out.  Use gadget-free time to talk about things that are happening at work or in school. It will give you an opportunity to strengthen family ties.

 

 

Photo: “Alessi’s turn on the iPad” by Marcus Kwan, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved.

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Rachel Yapchiongco, also known as Rach to her friends, is a Psychology and Marketing Management graduate of De La Salle University.  Rachel is a chocolate lover, full-time mom to a charming young boy and married to an entrepreneur who has a passion for cooking. She shares parenting experiences and slices of everyday life on her personal blog calledHeart of Rachel.

 

by Ma. Rachel R. Yapchiongco , originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles , How to curb your child’s electronic device appetite

“Ready to Parent” app helps first-time parents

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I remember the first time I found out I was having a baby. Oh the joy and the uncertainty. It was also difficult not having a mother to guide me or even a big sister to give advice.  Communication even by telephone was not convenient in the mid-80s.  Not many owned landlines then.  I turned to books. There was also a library at my workplace so I did my research there. Will I have a safe delivery? What do I need to know about pregnancy and raising a child?

FWD path to life

These days, there are many ways to get information from companies, parents , organizations and even the government. FWD Life Philippines (FWD) , has taken up as it leads a consortium of thought leaders and industry experts in advocating empowered parenthood for Filipino families. The consortium—spearheaded by FWD in partnership with the Department of Health (DoH) and the University of the Philippines-National Institutes of Health (UP-NIH), among others—is seen to become instrumental in building a community that actively helps first-time parents prepare for the wide range of health and financial risks tied to pregnancy. This is good news to a lot of parents.

Complementing the consortium is FWD’s community parenting app for expectant parents, “Ready to Parent”.

ready to parent app from FWD

The highlight of the consortium, dubbed as “PATH TO LIFE,” will be the partnership with DoH spokesperson and long-standing public health champion Dr. Eric Tayag, and obstetrics and gynecology expert, Dr. Blanca de Guia.

The idea of “safer birth”

I know most first time parents want to ensure they are empowered with the right information about parenting. They need to have access to or can communicate with third parties that can provide them with correct information, which will lessen their anxiety and improve their disposition about pregnancy.

Establishing a community that understands what constitutes the idea of safer birth—that is, instances of pregnancy and delivery with minimal to no complications—is paramount in spreading the word, according to Tayag.

 

FWD Life Philippines President and CEO Peter Grimes believes that combined efforts by a consortium of like-minded advocates will only help make safer births more achievable for Filipino families. “We felt that efficiently addressing this mounting challenge will become a lot more feasible with the support and participation of both the government and private sectors, particularly with experts like Dr. Tayag and the DoH,” he said.

That’s comforting to parents, right?

Fostering a community of advocates via technology

FWD recently introduced its mobile-first community parenting app—“Ready to Parent” —designed as a companion for first-time parents. Tied to DoH’s vision of creating a community of empowered and informed Filipino parents, FWD’s “Ready to Parent” app, can be downloaded from the Apple App Store or Google Play. This is such a helpful app as it  will serve as one of the channels through which first-time parents can share their journey to parenthood, as well as exchange useful tips and advice on better maternal and infant health, all done in real time. This is not just for mommies but daddies too.

ready to parent 2

Expectant parents can chat with fellow community members, learn from a host of shareable parenting- and pregnancy-related articles, and journal their pregnancy journey.  I talked to FWD regarding the concerns of providing accurate information.  The parent advocates and moderators have been trained and continue to be trained in handling parenting issues.

ready to parent app

I wish I had a community of parents back in the late eighties. I know I made so many mistakes which I cannot undo. I know parents who will be using the mobile app can also help build a more well-informed community of expectant mothers by sharing the information they access online. They can even meet offline for real life interaction.

About FWD Philippines

FWD Life Insurance Corporation (“FWD Life”) is the first life insurance company licensed by the Insurance Commission of the Philippines under the new Insurance Code. FWD launched its commercial operations in September 2014. After its first full year of operations in 2015, FWD Life now ranks #13 in terms of total premium income according to the Insurance Commission’s end-2015 report.

 

FWD Group spans Hong Kong & Macau, Thailand, Indonesia, the Philippines, Singapore, and Vietnam, offering life and medical insurance, general insurance, and employee benefits across a number of its markets. Established in Asia in 2013, FWD is the insurance business arm of investment group, Pacific Century Group.

 

FWD is focused on creating fresh customer experiences, with easy-to-understand products, supported by leading digital technologies. Through this customer-led approach, FWD will achieve its vision to become the leading pan-Asian insurer that changes the way people feel about insurance.

For more information please visit WWW.FWD.COM.PH.