Grief

It’s my husband’s turn to be featured on TV . For many years after my son’s death, my husband was inconsolable often in a depressed mode. In our “modern day” society it is especially difficult for fathers to grieve openly, caught in a catch 22 of how to express the deep pain they are experiencing. Men don’t cry, men do not emote, men do not hug (maybe at the funeral) men don’t go to support groups, men don’t call in sick because they are screaming inside, They are the man of the family. Fathers are the fix it guys, the protector, the strength and the rock the family needs for support. More often than not, people will ask a bereaved father “how is your wife doing? This must be extremely hard for her”.

Read More »A Father’s Grief in Grief Share

A writer of a local movie production company wanted to speak to me about The Compassionate Friends, a grief support group for family members who have lost a child through death.

You know, I often receive all sorts of legitimate and stalkerish type of text messages . One time someone sent me this message “I want to be your passionate friend”

*sigh* Now you understand I need to be wary sometimes.

So anyway, the person texted back that we’re doing a movie about a family that lost a child. It would be helpful for me if I could immerse myself and capture what bereaved parents feel.

To immerse meant to attend our regular meeting. I told her it wasn’t possible because our meetings are confidential and only for bereaved family members. Even if I get permission, new members might not be open to the idea of a writer in our midst. I suggested I talk to her first before I decide to gather a group of bereaved parents for a special session.

If indeed this person is from the movie industry, I truly welcome this opportunity to educate the public on grief and family recovery. After all, grief education is a segment of The Compassionate Friend’s mission. We still live in a world where grief is a taboo topic.

I also want to see if this person is a legitimate writer. Even if she is legitimate, will their movie portray it as accurately as possible?

When it comes to developing the dramatic portion of the movie, the writer can conceive all possible scenarios of pain, anguish, desperation and all the undescribable emotions during the grief journey. The death of our child, or children, is a profound and enduring loss; so far as each of us can, we pick up the pieces of our shattered lives and try to make some sense of what has happened. When a child dies, no matter what their age or the cause of death, grief lasts far longer than society in general recognizes. The death of a child is an unacceptable tragedy and it can take a long time before one can regain any sense of normality in their life.

The problem really is not the dramatic portion but the dialogue of the characters.

So I thought of listing down a wish list of ideas.

Whether the movies, TV shows or new reporting, here is my wish list on grief education:

Read More »A Filipino Movie On A Death of a Child