Laughter rings on Father’s Day

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Cebu Pcoherocebu paellaThe poetry therapy at the Compassionate Friends meeting yesterday made Butch and everyone else in a jovial mood. (see pics here) In our meetings, we laugh and cry as we share our stories. But yesterday, laughter rang out more often the tears. Our facilitator, Victor Emmanuel Carmelo D. Nadera Jr. is a brillant poet and therapist. This poet had such a great sense of humor. He was able to draw out the hidden poet in all of us. Everyone agreed it was one of our most enjoyable meetings. The session probably helped ease the depression of most of the bereaved fathers in the room because right after the meeting, Butch celebrated his cheerful disposition by having dinner out. Normally special occasions like [tag]Father’s day[/tag] bring out twinges of sadness in him . Fortunately the 2 girls joined us at the meeting but were late for the actual session.

We had dinner at Jun Jun’s Cebu Lechon Restaurant at The Fort. The famous Cebu Lechon Inasal (Roasted Pig) , Cebu Pochero (Filipino Beef stew) and Cebu Paella (Spanish Rice dish) was our main course. If you’re a Cebuano, you usually don’t dip your lechon meat with lechon sauce. That’s what I told the girls but probably they are so used to dipping sauces. The lechon meat is already flavorful right to the bones that the sauce just mask the unique taste of our Cebu Lechon. It was a great meal fit for an advanced Father’s Day celebration. Today, we are busy packing up as the girls move out to their dorms tonight.

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Death in the Time of Hepatitis

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Reuben LardizabalThat’s my younger brother , Reuben who died on June 11, 1990 due to fulminant Hepatitis A. He left behind a young wife, a three year old and a three week old infant son. There is more to his death than just an illness. This feature article written by my sister Belen thirteen years ago explains it more. (Read here and here)

Reuben Veloso Lardizabal, 28 , was a young family man, a writer, a labor ogranizer, and a law graduate student. He was in other words, full of promise and conviction. But death spares no one. He is the Hepatitis epidemic’s first casualty.

Last May 1-4, 1990, our family helds it’s first reunion in Cebu City, including our children, husbands, and wives. Little did we know that this joyous occasion would also lead to one of the saddest moments in our live.

Three weeks after our reunion, I, my brothers David and Reuben, my sister Lorna , and niece Lauren were struck down with Hepatitis A, a viral infection of the liver transmitted through fecal contamination of ingested food or water. We were unaware initially that several other residents and neighbors in the Lahug district, Cebu City had also been suffering from hepatitis since May. Surprisingly , most of the victims were from middle to upper income bracket.

On June 11, 1990, my dear brother Reuben succumbed to the ravages wrought on him by acute viral hepatitis. Our family held a second reunion- this time , for Reuben’s funeral. (Continue reading here and here)

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The family photo taken during that fateful reunion in May 1-4,1990. It was a reunion for my dad who we thought was dying (dad died 13 years later though)

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The Grief Interview with Cheche Lazaro

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Update on Cheche Lazaro: (May 8, 2009) Cheche Lazaro and the Wire Tapping Case filed by GSIS

cheche lazaroTo be interviewd by Cheche Lazaro in “Straight Talk” is an honor. Her interview style is excellent. You know, I usually get a pre-interview by production assistants days before a show. This is normal procedure since hosts are usually busy. It surprised me that no one from ANC (ABS-CBN News Channel) called me up. Hmm, I thought that maybe Cheche can handle it herself. The only call I received was from the production assistant of the executive producer. He was so touched after reading Luijoe’s memorial website and wanted to borrow Luijoe’s photos for a clear graphic shot. They went all the way to the house just to get the photo albums.

Before the live interview, I caught up with Cheche at the dressing room and we had a little chat as the makeup artists retouched our shiny faces. I am amazed at her preparation for this episode. She printed out research materials on grief and highlighted sentences in my story of the Fallen Cradle. She told me that this is a fairly new topic rarely discussed on TV. I know. I told her that grief education is quite new in our country and we’re just taking off with the introduction of grief pyschologists and grief support groups.

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Cito Beltran’s Straight Talk

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I told the girls I can’t be bothered to be their driver tomorrow because I have to appear as a guest at Cito Beltran’s Straight Talk at 1 to 2 PM. My daughter’s immediate reaction: “I won’t be surprised if you appear in Boy Abunda’s talk show“. I don’t really watch TV so I don’t know what kind of talk show it is. But why not? If it helps promote The Compassionate Friends, I’m all for it. I just found out today that Cito Beltran is on leave so Cheche Lazaro will take his place. That’s excellent! She is one of the country’s most respected broadcast journalists . As founding president of Probe Productions Inc. and host of The Probe Team, she started the first investigative newsmagazine for television in the Philippines. I hope I “talk straight” as it is my first ever live interview. The other guest is Agnes Prieto who edited the book on loss of a child, Fallen Cradle. She also initiated this book project.

If you don’t catch the live interview, the replay is at 11:00 PM, June 2 and at 6 PM on June 3, Saturday. I think it will also show simultcast at the The Filipino Channel or ABS CBN Global.

Compassionate Medical Professionals Wanted

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Here is another case of stupid toilet humor that occured in Silliman University Medical Center Foundation, Inc. (SUMCFI).

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A grieving mother who has infertility problems lost her second baby by [tag]miscarriage[/tag] last May 9 and lodged a complaint that she was subjected to indignities by a hospital staff who commented that the dead fetus which was to be her second child was to be urinated upon (because the hospital ran out of formalin and or distilled water.)

Read complete news story From the Negros Chronicle in here and here.

Olga Lucia Uy emailed her story to me 3 days ago. Maia, her baby was only 5 to 6 weeks old at the time of her death.

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Ali Sotto’s Special Mother’s Day Feature

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alishow.jpgI was quite apprehensive over the production of Ali’s Sotto Mother’s Day Feature. Ali’s talk show was launched late last year and I had never watched a single episode. What will be the focus? Will it sound sensational aka Oprah Show style? Or will they show some heart breaking dramatic effect? I was prepared for the worst.

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Surprisingly, the episode was nice, touching and inspiring. The Ali Show featured mothers who have moved on towards a positive resolution of their grief. It’s not easy to narrate my grief and the events surrounding Luijoe’s death in public but I needed to share , if only to give hope to other bereaved parents. Most importantly, my son’s memory is kept alive through The Compassionate Friends which I co-founded with two other parents. (View Screencaps of the show)

* * *

When I woke up this morning, I received a few text messages about the show. The funniest of them all was a text message forwarded by my husband.

Hi Butch . Is Noemi a movie celebrity? I keep seeing her picture on TV. what show does she come out in?

haha, I don’t know if our new friend was kidding or not but I think he was referring to the preview of the show.

Mother’s Day Special for Bereaved Mothers

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interviewIt’s not that I’m vain. That’s a test shot. I checked to see if the makeup artist placed too much cake on me. Okay, I’m vain. I was invited as one of the guests for the taping of a Mother’s Day Special for Ali Sotto-Bsaies’ talk-magazine program (light public affairs show aptly titled “ALI,”). I expected it to be over in 30 minutes. It was difficult for Ali to do this episode. Our interview reached two hours due to frequent crying breaks and retouching of makeup. Miko Sotto‘s birthday was just last May 10 then there ‘s Mother’s Day. Anniversary dates, holidays, birthdays, special days will come and pass, each with their sting of pain. I felt really sad. I don’t know what will come out of my episode. Just see for yourself on the outcome of the interview. Other mothers featured are Agnes Prieto, Alma Miclat , Vilma Dy and Ali Sotto herself. It’ll come out on May 16, 2006 ABC Channel 5 at 11:00 PM.

I’ll talk more about this when the show airs next tuesday.

More TV shows are showing a mother’s loss this month, like Maalala Mo Kaya and Magpakailanman

I’m exhausted.

Successful Book Launch of “Fallen Cradle”

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book launch fallen cradle“[tag]Fallen Cradle[/tag]” is a book of 22 stories by parents who have a lost a child. It was formally launched today at Powerbooks Greenbelt Makati. What can I say? The Book launch was a huge success. The initial 150 books set for the launch ran out. Anvil Publishing rushed to get more stock from the warehouse. My story on Luijoe, My Angel is on page 29. A lot of people say he’s such a handsome boy. I know. We chose that picture because he exudes so much charm.

The first few sentences of my story goes this way:

““If I die, Mama, will I be alive again?” Luijoe asked. My six-year-old was lying on the bed, flipping through the prayer books piled on his tummy.

It was Holy Week, a month before that fateful day of May 27, 2000, the day he drowned in a beach resort in Cebu.

I turned my body to face his and stroked his cheek. How could I explain the mysteries of death to a little boy? ““When we die, Lui, we will live forever, through eternal life in heaven,” I said the lines I’d memorized from the teachings of our Catholic Church.

Of course you have to buy the book to read the rest of the story.

This book paved the way to the positive resolution of my [tag]grief[/tag] journey. During the second blueprint in November 2005, Agnes Prieto invited me to be part of the book. I have never written my loss much less how Luijoe died. Writing Luijoe’s story turned out to be very difficult, often bringing tears as I recalled the painful events. These events were buried deep in my heart and I had to reach out to my innermost feelings. My sister, Myrna L. de Vera helped me a lot with the writing style (Thanks dear sister) and the editing work. Writing Luijoe’s story culimnated into the renewal phase of my grief journey. I submitted the final edit of my story on November 27, 2005. On the same day and inspired by my transformation, I wrote The Compassionate Friends International Council if I could start a Philippines Chapter. That was how The Compassionate Friends Philippines started. Reaching out to other bereaved parents is a living tribute to my son . Luijoe is never entirely gone.

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I’ve only attended two book launch events in my lifetime so I can’t really compare if today’s event was a tremendous success. I just said it was a hit because they ran out of copies. Agnes Prieto prepared a touching rose and cradle ceremony with a powerpoint presentation of each child represented in the book. A short anecdote taken from each story and our child’s photo flashed on the screen. The parents picked a single white rose from the table and placed it on the vase by the baby’s cradle. The toys surrounding the cradle belongs to Luijoe. Yes, all these years I’ve kept them in a sealed box. Butch , my dear hubby was a substitute for the absentee parent contributors.

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