Coping and Surviving Christmas

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last christmas
(Luijoe’s last Christmas in 1999, Baguio City)

Christmas is a special time of year. Although shiny decorations and twinkling lights are the window dressing for this exciting festivity, it is the warmth and love of family and friends that make the holiday season so memorable. However, it can be a painful time for those experiencing the recent loss of a loved one. It must be hard for the newly bereaved family members who lost Anne Sherina only last Monday, December 18, 2006. Anne Sherina died of “pulmonary affliction due to Dengue Shock Syndrome”. Grief in Christmas is doubly daunting for this family.

So when ABS-CBN “Salamat Doc” called me up to guest live for tomorrow’s Christmas Eve 6:00 AM episode, I didn’t hesitate. Though my busy schedule was full, I made room for this show. I know there are a lot of newly bereaved and seasoned grievers who are still coping with the difficulties of the holidays. My heart sometimes still echoes with emptiness as I roll out the gingerbread dough or hang the Christmas Angel cookies near Luijoe’s Memorial shrine. I think that hurt will always be with me, but now I know it only as a momentary ache – not like the first year when grief drowned over me in huge waves, each new wave hurling me deeper and deeper into despair.

My husband and I have walked that difficult road every Christmas.

The staff took a VTR of how I coped with Christmas through the years. I showed Luijoe’s memorial table, his memory box, toys, books and all the angel decors of our family den. I thought that my husband would buckle down in tears because he has never opened Luijoe’s photo album in years. The staff told us to sift through Luijoe’s photos. This VTR is indeed therapy for my husband. Knowing we are helping others gives us the courage to share our story, on how we coped and survived. We want to show that love isn’t something that ends with death.

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Happy 10th Year Blog-sary

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laurenIt’s December 22, 1996. My 10 year old Lauren sick with asthma comforted herself by writing her first journal entry at personal website at the worldkids.net project. Inspired by an online friend, Hayley , she started “Lauren’s Journal”. It continues to be shown at the worldkids.net because the domain owners believe it is a lifetime project. I mention “journal”. In the Web 1.0 era, blogging was unheard of. Instead, we saw personal home pages, the personal diary and daily opinion column. One of the most highly touted features of the Web 2.0 era is the rise of blogging. At its most basic, a blog is just a personal home page in diary format. For clarity sake, I now refer to it as a “blog” . They say Lauren is the First Pinoy Blogger.

I can’t help reading her archives and smiling at her childlike qualities. In all her 10 year old innocence, she still believed in Santa Claus…

Finally….the moment I’ve been waiting for. It’s already 8:00 and my mom and dad will soon pick my grandparents up. Then we will go to Midnight Mass and eat our Christmas dinner. And we get to open one present. Oh yeah, might as well sleep in the couch tonight so I can catch that Santa guy!

In those days, there were less than 20,000 internet users in the Philippines. Basically, it was new and alien. I think people do get especially worked up for some reason over the Internet. Internt transformed a fear driven society close to absolute paranoia where it was unhealthy to expose oneself online. “Loser”, “Loner”, “Geek” are words often used to describe the internet users. Lauren and I received so much criticism due to our internet presence. Here is one painful encounter from her English teacher culled from one of her entries…

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The Christmas Wishlist and Giving

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christmas-giftsAs a young child, my wonderful dad aka Santa Claus often asked me and my siblings to list down the things we wanted for Christmas. Beside the “must-have” item in my [tag]wish list[/tag] is a star which means, “You have to buy this dad”. My wish list comprised of at least 10 items in it . Dad bought 3 items from that list. There is something about opening many little gifts that brings sparkle to a child’s innocent eyes. It’s magical. Years later as a mom, I did the same thing to my precocious children and asked for their “[tag]Christmas Wish List[/tag]”. I said my budget is nothing more than 5,000 pesos in total. In the course of the year, I dish out presents that surpass 5,000 pesos anyway. Christmas is not the only occasion they receive gifts. If a daughter earns good grades, she gets a special gift. If they have birthdays, I also shower them with their desired gift. Christmas is just another excuse to receive gifts and I am not about to spend a lot. Or so I thought. L and M gave me their wish list. It wasn’t a list. Look at what I got:

1. L’s wish list

– Distortion pedal
– Plane ticket out of the Philippines

2. M’s wish list

– MOTORAZR V3x in Pumpkin Color: the 2nd of 5 Motorola Kikay Phones
– all of the above.

See, it’s not even a list “list”. I have a limited selection. They are expensive except for L’s distortion pedal which fits the budget range. It’s M’s first time to ask for a new cellphone. Her Nokia 6600 was stolen a year ago and it’s my policy that if you lose something, you don’t get a replacement until a year after. A few days later, L tells me she wants the guitar effects pedal which is over 5000 pesos. And as we all know, a ticket to the USA cost 50,000 pesos. I perused over the list and thought out loud Uh, no ticket this year. Perhaps the guitar effects pedal for L and a new flip top phone for M which doesn’t have to be Motorola. I don’t like the brand Motorola.

Then I ask my husband’s wish list. He goes:

“A new home”

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Time Magazine Person of the Year 2006 is You

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time [tag]Time Magazine’s Person of the Year[/tag] issue is coming out on Monday, and guess who that person is?

It’s me. Well yeah, it’s me, it’s you, and apparently, everyone else in the internet.Read Time Cover story. Every year Time Magazine recognizes one person, or persons, that, through ability, invention, accomplishment, or otherwise, has significantly influenced the world for that year. ” YOU were named TIME magazine ‘Person of the Year’ Saturday for the explosive growth and influence of user-generated Internet content such as ‘blogs’, video-file sharing site YouTube and social network MySpace… You — YES, YOU — beat out candidates including Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, China’s President Hu Jintao, North Korean leader et. al.”

America loves its solitary geniuses—its Einsteins, its Edisons, its Jobses—but those lonely dreamers may have to learn to play with others. Car companies are running open design contests. Reuters is carrying blog postings alongside its regular news feed. Microsoft is working overtime to fend off user-created Linux. We’re looking at an explosion of productivity and innovation, and it’s just getting started, as millions of minds that would otherwise have drowned in obscurity get backhauled into the global intellectual economy.

Who are these people? Seriously, who actually sits down after a long day at work and says, I’m not going to watch Lost tonight. I’m going to turn on my computer and make a movie starring my pet iguana? I’m going to mash up 50 Cent’s vocals with Queen’s instrumentals? I’m going to blog about my state of mind or the state of the nation or the steak-frites at the new bistro down the street? Who has that time and that energy and that passion?

The answer is, you do. And for seizing the reins of the global media, for founding and framing the new digital democracy, for working for nothing and beating the pros at their own game, TIME’s Person of the Year for 2006 is you.

Do you deserve the award?

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A Stressed Out Christmas Shopper

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stressed out christmas shopperI just had to laugh when I saw one of my blog’s referrers “photo of a stressed Christmas Shopper”. Haha. Why would anyone want to check out on the faces of [tag]stressed out Christmas shoppers[/tag]? This [tag]Christmas season[/tag] has been stressful because of the failed attempts to close the purchase of a real estate property. It’s been two months since the Amityville Househunting nightmare and we thought we could finally have a new property this month. Should I be Exasperated? Irritated? Annoyed? or should I just let it go? The most silly things happen when one buys real estate in the open market.

Let me just name a few irritants.

1. Once sellers know there is a buyer for their property, they suddenly change their mind. This seller increased her selling price by half a million. Can you imagine the stupidity?

2. Brokers can destroy a deal. Some of these brokers aren’t even licensed and demand a 5% commission from the seller. Seller complains to buyer that their net proceeds are low. Why is that my problem now? Why are they selling in the first place?

3. A Chinese seller refused to meet with us before payment. “Everything should be done in the bank”, the broker says. Broker says seller is a Chinese and is wary of strangers and fears being kidnapped. Of all the stupid excuses! My imagination starts to get wild. I think the broker is pulling our leg. Maybe she kidnapped the seller.

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Help us reach a Thousand Teddy bears

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It’s ten days before Christmas eve and four days until Cathy completes the first leg of our Thousand Bears for Bicol (TBB) project . Read Cathy’s update at 442 bears to make a thousand bears for Bicol.

Today, we are 442 bears away from our target! We have five days to complete the targeted 1000 bears. Please help us complete this mission so to speak and help bring joy to 1000 children on Christmas day. We will be taking in bears (and other friendly looking stuffed toys) until Monday, December 18. Please refer to my entry here to find out how you can donate. We have also received reports from the field that the children are in dire need of clothes, so we are now including this as well, if you have any to spare. Below in an excerpt from my friend Andrea who arrived from Legazpi yesterday. Andrea is a long-time news journalist and a colleague of mine from the Inquirer. —

“I have not seen this kind of devastation ever in my life. There are thousands of children in the evacuation centers and they continue to be in a daze. The mothers tell me that whenever it starts to rain, the children begin to panic and ask “Tatakbo na naman ba tayo?” (Are we going to run again?)

These are the 10 teddy bears I sent for the Thousand Bears for Bicol Project. I placed these cutesy bears at M’s room since she loves plushies. She hugged the bears to send her love to the children who will receive them.
teddy bears

How to [tag]donate teddy bears[/tag]– Deadline is December 18 (Philippine time)

1. Cash

Cash is also welcome since Cathy can buy the bears.

If you’re in the Philippines, just email Cathy directly at cathybabao @ gmail.com

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Mom fashion is a quandary

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What exactly is the mommy look? Is there a fashion style for forty-something moms who have college kids? Often my girls tell me “but please don’t dress too young. You’re a mommy”. Then they also adviced me, “No mommy jeans look” as I shopped for new jeans. These kids can’t make up their mind. Should I not be “too style-ey” or dumpy looking? Then my husband goes “Nothing too revealing”. I can’t be too stylish, too sexy or too dumpy. Maybe they meant middle-of-the-road wasteland of clothing that’s “practical” yet “stylish”. The unsolicited advice is well taken of course, but I choose to shop for clothes that I like anyway. Based on this blog quiz, What’s Your Fashion Style?, I am girly.


Your Fashion Style is Girly


You dress to look beautiful and show off what you’ve got
Dresses, skirts, heels… whatever it takes to turn heads
You love feeling like a girl in any setting
Even your workout clothes are cute and feminine!

I like girly or feminine things but I don’t think I am kikay. What a word. If I were still a teen, I ‘d like to be groovy but I’d be in the dark ages if I still use that word. True, I dress to make myself look and feel good with certain limitations of course. I don’t wear plunging necklines in public places except in family parties. Pretty earrings and necklace has always been my thing even when I was single. So when that fashion trend was revived, I quickly added that to my collection.

If you noticed, I sport a new haircut (see here) . The hazards of driving the girls to their favorite hairstylist brought this transformation. The girls protested when I said it’s my turn to have a haircut. I warned the hairstylist “The girls don’t want me to sport a trendy look so cut it in a way that I will still look like a mommy”. Really, fashion style will never erase the fact that I am still a mother. I think the girls were used to my boring look during their childhood days. Things have changed now. Their daddy is getting more attractive to ahem , younger women as he gets older and wiser. Mommy has to continue to look good for herself and their daddy.

Link Baiting and A Blogger Christmas Meetup

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art cakes
What a cute Christmas present from Jayvee of abuggedlife.com. Not only is he giving out these gifts to blogger friends , this is a nontraditional way of getting more pageviews. What a link bait! Now why didn’t I think of that? The cupcakes were really sweet that I could only eat half of it.

I just had coffee break with Abe, Kiven , Jayvee and Jenny of Globe Innove this afternoon at Greenbelt. Blogger meetings like these can reveal a lot , uh non-bloggable items and future blogger projects. One of these is that Blogger Christmas Meetup on December 22. That’s a friday. So if anyone wants to join, it’s going to be held somewhere at SM Mall of Asia starting 6PM till forever. My daughter who is quite eager to meet other bloggers wants to go this time. I know she finds it weird to hangout with her mom so I will leave her with the bloggers for a few hours to shop. Then I’ll join the party after my shopping is done. That wouldn’t be weird, would it? That’s what my daughter and I get for being bloggers and ending up in the same crowd. Compromises can be made.

Worldwide Candle Lighting

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candle light ceremony
There was a glow at the UP Sunken Garden Sunday evening as friends and family members of the Compassionate Friends Philippines gathered to light candles in memory of our beloved children. Despite the stormy weather, it did not stop the members from going to the event. About 30 people, attended the 10th annual Worldwide Candle Lighting. This is the First Candle ceremony in the Philippines though. In the worldwide ceremony family and friends across the world light a candle at 7 p.m. local time for one hour, starting in New Zealand. As candles burn down in each time zone they are lit in the next to give off 24 hours of continuous light around the globe. The ceremony is held the second Sunday in December. It starts at the International Date Line west of the Hawaiian Islands and works its way eastward, creating a virtual wave of light as it moves from one time zone to the next.

candleIn our Candle Ceremony, Cathy Babao-Guballa read the Memory Candles Poem where she lit 4 candles. One candle represents our GRIEF, one for our COURAGE, one for our MEMORIES and one for our LOVE. Each family that lost a child lit the candle in the butterfly candle holder as their child’s name was called from the Powerpoint Presentation. We continued to read Candle Light Poems till the clock struck past 7:00 PM.

Why do we light candles?

Our children, each of them a bright flame to us in life and in death, are not forgotten. It gives parents an opportunity to commemorate and honor their child’s memory and offers hope. This isn’t a doom-and-gloom thing; this is a very positive event and something our members look forward to, as it gives them a chance to honor their child and help others who might be going through their first Christmas without their child. As my husband lit a candle for my Luijoe, he was moved to tears. It was indeed a touching moment in time.

As I type this entry, the 24 hour candle lighting vigil will commence in a few hours in the USA time zone.

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