Worldwide Candle Lighting

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candle light ceremony
There was a glow at the UP Sunken Garden Sunday evening as friends and family members of the Compassionate Friends Philippines gathered to light candles in memory of our beloved children. Despite the stormy weather, it did not stop the members from going to the event. About 30 people, attended the 10th annual Worldwide Candle Lighting. This is the First Candle ceremony in the Philippines though. In the worldwide ceremony family and friends across the world light a candle at 7 p.m. local time for one hour, starting in New Zealand. As candles burn down in each time zone they are lit in the next to give off 24 hours of continuous light around the globe. The ceremony is held the second Sunday in December. It starts at the International Date Line west of the Hawaiian Islands and works its way eastward, creating a virtual wave of light as it moves from one time zone to the next.

candleIn our Candle Ceremony, Cathy Babao-Guballa read the Memory Candles Poem where she lit 4 candles. One candle represents our GRIEF, one for our COURAGE, one for our MEMORIES and one for our LOVE. Each family that lost a child lit the candle in the butterfly candle holder as their child’s name was called from the Powerpoint Presentation. We continued to read Candle Light Poems till the clock struck past 7:00 PM.

Why do we light candles?

Our children, each of them a bright flame to us in life and in death, are not forgotten. It gives parents an opportunity to commemorate and honor their child’s memory and offers hope. This isn’t a doom-and-gloom thing; this is a very positive event and something our members look forward to, as it gives them a chance to honor their child and help others who might be going through their first Christmas without their child. As my husband lit a candle for my Luijoe, he was moved to tears. It was indeed a touching moment in time.

As I type this entry, the 24 hour candle lighting vigil will commence in a few hours in the USA time zone.

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Best Website, Blog Category in 9th Philippine Web Awards is….

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Philippine web awardMy blog , this blog Touched by an Angel… Receiving the Best Website award , blog category of the 9th [tag]Philippine Web Awards[/tag] is a bittersweet feeling. The theme of this blog is mainly about my grief journey. I’ve had websites, and other techie blogs in the past but a personal blog was not part of my plan. It was Luijoe’s death and my grief that spurred me to start a blog, and share my pain so others may know they are not alone. All of us experience pain or losses one way or another. It could be the pain of losing a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a spouse, losing a job, losing a parent or losing an opportunity. It could be the pain of an illness , a philandering spouse, a rebellious child and other life changing events. Pain is a universal theme. We all know that.

Another kind of pain struck me tonight. A pain in the ass kind of pain. My “annoying husband” kept blabbering over and over again that “You are going to win.” I was stressing over my “future” husband’s disappointment if ever I lost the award. I just wanted him to shut up because it’s not a big deal. Don’t get me wrong. Even if he was annoying that night, he’s still a darling . It didn’t help that the rock bands played deafening bass sounds leaving my heart pounding a thousand times.
meandhusband.jpgI was actually surprised to win because I thought this blog’s theme might appear depressing to the judges. Also, my blog design is not original. In fact, I just used one of those freebie templates. I was planning to customize the design with a new header but it was against the rules to do so once you are in the semi-finals. I am assuming it’s the content that got me the judge’s nod. Thanks to the judges. One of them might have been BryanBoy. I appreciate the award because it means more exposure for my blog. More exposure means wider reach to readers who might find comfort with my blog entries. The prize money will go a long way in funding projects for my advocacy, The Compassionate Friends. I placed the award on Luijoe’s Memorial Table (it’s behind me in the photo above) as this belongs to him too.

Congratulations to the other winners of the 9th Philippine [tag]Web Awards[/tag] . View photos of the award ceremony

Thank you for this [tag]Best Website Award[/tag], Blog Category.

A Daddy’s Girl

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my dadToday is the third death anniversary of my dad. I miss my dad terribly. My dad outlived two of my brothers, my mom and his grandchild, Luijoe. It’s a grand slam. He was a bereaved spouse, a bereaved father and bereaved grandfather. Now who could beat that? During the funeral of my brother, Oscar in April 1999, my dad collapsed right after the burial. Dad never got to walk again till his death in December 5, 2003. I didn’t tell dad that Luijoe died because my dad was already sick in the year 2000. Another loss would surely devastate him. We were afraid dad would join him in death if he ever found out, knowing how he doted on all his grandchildren. We couldn’t risk telling him because we were not ready to see dad go yet. Four years later, dad died of complications from diabetes and hypertension. Often, I question God why my father who was a good man, a loving father, a generous provider had to suffer for 4 years. All these deaths in my family made me wonder if our family was cursed or something. Should I dare say that I am blessed that God took my family members? That my dad, mom , two brothers and son ‘s mission on earth is done?

I know my father was not perfect but I adored him. When I was in college, dad often travelled to Manila to visit us at our dorms. He was never too busy to set aside family time for us. As a young widower, he often brought his girlfriend when we had dinner. We encouraged dad to re-marry but he never did. He didn’t want to cause a family rift. I thought husbands were made like my dad. I was so wrong. A lot of my marital problems was because I compared my husband and dad. Hehe, I think my husband also compared me to his sweet mom. Too bad, he married a bitch.

Christmas is fast approaching and I remember how dad made it so much fun for us. I will always associate Christmas with my dad. He literally spoiled us to death. The best gift dad ever gave us was the gift of laughter. Dad’s booming laughter often rings in my ear even in times of adversity. It is the same gift that I continue to give to my children when the going gets rough.

In honor of my dad, I now sign as Noemi Lardizabal-Dado because much of who I am is because of my dad. My dad lives on in me and in my work. I can just imagine my dad smiling at me as I do service to others.

My Dad’s Memorial Site

(Photo above is my dad during a Christmas presentation where he dances to the music “Macho Man”)

Moving on after the Subic Rape Case Decision

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MovingAfter the verdict on the Subic Rape Case was read yesterday, Nicole thanked God for hearing her prayers, saying that God heard her plea for justice.

“Nagpapasalamat po ako sa Diyos na dininig niya ang dasal ko. Thank you Lord. Nagpapasalamat din po ako pati kay Judge Pozon. Judge Pozon ang bait ninyo,” Nicole said in an interview aired by GMA Channel 7.

She said that in her lonely search for truth and justice, she called to God and He did not fail her.

“Ang bait po talaga ng Diyos sa akin” (God is really good to me),” she said

When asked whether she could forgive Smith, ““Nicole” was uncertain, simply saying, ““God is good.”

I believe that even with the Court’s decision on the [tag]Subic Rape Case[/tag] that proclaimed Lance Corporal Daniel Smith “guilty”, we are uncertain if the accused will actually stay in jail or that the decision will be appealed. One thing I know for certain is that God is the final judge.

I watched Nicole’s mother on TV as she heaved a sigh of relief. She prays that her daughter can now move on with her life. Any mother would want her daughter to be happy after going through such a harrowing ordeal. I read the other day that Nicole already set plans on taking up a job in the Philippines and even enrolled in a fitness gym. She also has plans of working abroad. It took guts and courage for her to sit through the 4 months trial. It’s time to move on indeed. Whenever I read current events, I look back on my recovery principles to ponder on and imagine how it can be done to others like Nicole. Nicole will not start over. She will move forward in perfectly planned progression of lessons.

When the lessons have been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons , with new people. The lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain but from joy and love. We know Nicole did not lose her faith during the trial. I hope others like her will learn to accept and be grateful for middles, endings and new beginnings.

Meantime, Lance Smith is facing prison term. I feel pity for this poor boy. He’s almost the age of my eldest daughter. Do you honestly think without reasonable doubt that Smith is guilty of rape? Though not a popular opinion, I have been having doubts he is really guilty. But then again , we will let the Courts of Appeal or the Supreme Court decide. The evidence will speak for itself .

Justice will be served.

Like Smith, justice over my son’s death will be realized. I will be patient. I will keep my faith. God is good. You will all know the truth one day.

You can read the legal aspect of the [tag]Subic Rape Case decision [/tag] here:

Subic Rape Case Part 1
Subic Rape Case Part 2
Subic Rape Case Part 3

Senator Miriam Santiago in Letting her Anger out

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angryAfter learning that Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago had been removed from the shortlist of candidates for Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, she wasted no time in lambasting at the Judicial and Bar Council (JBC) and blew her top….

““I am irate. I am foaming at the mouth. I’m homicidal. I’m suicidal. I’m humiliated, debased, degraded. And not only that, I feel like throwing up to be living my middle years in a country of this nature. I am nauseated. I spit in the face of Chief Justice Artemio Panganiban and his cohorts in the Supreme Court.”

Foaming at the mouth How hilarious! Miram can be so funny in her anger. She is someone who doesn’t mince words. Yes , her anger is a process she has to undergo. Feeling angry and sometimes the act of blaming is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change. Anger is a part of life. We need not dwell in it or seek it out but we can’t afford to ignore it.

In recovery, I have learned that I can shamelessly feel all my feelings including anger, and still take responsibility for what I do when I feel angry. I don’t have to let anger control me but it surely will if I prevent myself from feeling it. Being grateful, being positive , being healthy does not mean we never feel angry. Being grateful, positive and healthy means we feel angry when we need to.

You know , I have a soft spot in my heart for Miriam only because I feel her pain over her son’s death a few years ago. Even if she looked really “crazy” during her priveleged speech, I give her some slack knowing she will be okay tomorrow. At some point, she will be done with her anger. I know Miriam can release her anger constructively and take responsibility for her actions.

Even if she takes it personally, she might even produce positive effects. Let’s see…

““I will say that I resent it very deeply. I take it very personally and I will see to it that while I remain in public office that every member of the JBC shall eventually be held to account for their partisanship. For this reason, I will participate in the Con-ass (constituent assembly) for the main purpose of abolishing the JBC for corruption,” she told the Inquirer.

Teddy Bears for the Children of Bicol

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Bicol tragedyLike my dear friend Cathy, the photo from today’s Sunday Inquirer moved me to tears. The article on the Bicol tragedy due to super-typhoon Reming (Durian) describes devastation that has wracked Bicol like no other. Not even World War two was like this. I texted most of my friends in Bicol and they have never seen such damage in the years they have lived there. Even Naga which is farthest away from Mayon suffered as well. My husband’s relatives (The Dado clan) are from Tabaco, Albay and there is still no word from them on their situation. No landline or cellphone connection.

Pedro Malate and his son Miguel, in that photo above hold on to each other for dear life, “wearing perhaps, the only clothes they have left. Little Miguel looks terribly dazed, Pedro, in all probability is in shell-shocked state.”

teddy bearI am helping Cathy with her “A Thousand Bears for Bicol” because this is a way to channel our sadness over the Bicol tragedy. Please read her site for more details. I trust Cathy will do an excellent job in delivering the bears to these children in time for Christmas day. Cathy comforted sick children by establishing Migi’s Corner , a play area for these kids in more than 10 public hospitals in the Philippines. If anyone can execute a project for children, Cathy Babao-Guballa , a TOWNS awardee is the most qualified and trustworthy person in the Philippines.

To children, stuffed animals are more than toys, they’re imaginary friends who are always ready to give comfort or play. They provide a certain amount of security in a sometimes scary world. Though it may be a small act, my heart’s desire is to bring as many stuffed toys – ideally friendly looking teddy bears to the children in the Bicol region. I am hoping to raise at least a thousand bears that I can send to the Albay province in time for Christmas, hoping that these bears will bring even a little joy and comfort to children like Miguel who have a long way to go on their healing journey. I am making arrangements with am NGO in the Albay province to ditsribute the bears on Christmas day.

Photographs do speak a thousand words. Great works of photography move you into action.

Help us bring a “A Thousand Bears for Bicol”. To send teddy bears, click here.
teddy-bear-angels

EDIT: I bought 10 teddy bears already.
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Baking Christmas Angel Sugar Cookies

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Christmas angel cookiesBaking Christmas sugar cookies and the Gingerbread men cookies during the last week of November has been my Christmas tradition for the past twenty years. I thought baking days were over for me now that the kids are in college but no….There was one Christmas season when I didn’t bake these cookies . Sometimes I wonder if I did that deliberately because there are no small kids at home. I found out that kids will be kids at heart and they look forward to traditions .

With a hectic schedule, I make sure that Christmas decorations are already set by the first five days of December. Before you think I am a super-mom, I am not. I am blessed with an intelligent yaya (Luijoe’s caregiver) who learned the basic rudiments on baking from me all these years. I was also blesssed with a mother who taught me how to bake since I was little girl. In turn, I was able to train my helpers so that they are armed with skills other than cooking or cleaning the house.

christmas angelI can even open a small bakeshop if I wanted to but I’d rather not stress myself out. I know how it is to live in a bakeshop business. It’s not fun at all. It’s all work , work and no play. Baking should be a fun and enjoyable experience. Since I was nine years old and just before I got married, Christmas meant packing cookies into baskets, counting inventory, tying ribbons, answering calls, watching a stall , counting money and being stressed out. My ex-boyfriend now my husband thought it was a great idea to visit me during the Christmas Holidays. Haha, I told him “You will have to drive our van to stores all over Cebu if you want impress my dad.” And he drove for our business because that was the only way that he and I could be together for the holidays. I vowed that I would never bake in large-scale proportions; that I would bake because I loved to. I vowed that business should be both fun and profit at the same time.

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Finding the Compassionate Friends

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compassionte friendsA primetime show in Channel 7 invited me and my husband to appear for their Christmas episode. The production staff were so visibily touched by Luijoe’s story that they practically read the whole website. This TV show will portray how a bereaved couple celebrated Christmas without their loved one. I’ve noticed how grief is not a taboo subject in our local TV or magazines. Just a few years ago, the only grief article you will read in our local papers are by Cathy Babao-Guballa. I turned down the invitation because there are other touching stories from a lot of bereaved parents. I referred the production staff to a newly bereaved couple. This parent whose adult son died a year ago on a December month will be featured for that Christmas epsidoe (I will announce the schedule of the show later on). I can talk all I want about The Compassionate Friends, our local grief support group and how it helps bereaved families but it won’t have an impact unless a parent actually shares on how the group has helped them with their grief journey.

The parent didn’t believe in sharing her grief. Grief is a private matter, they thought. She didn’t even want her deceased son’s visitors to cry during the funeral. They were fine for a month or so until they could not handle their pain anymore. One day they read our article in the Sunday Inquirer . They cut the article and pinned it to their bulletin board. Looking at the pinned article everyday for two weeks, they finally found the courage to contact us. The rest is history.

compassionate friendsToday marks the first year anniversary of The Compassionate Friends Philippines. Co-founded by Cathy, Alma , myself and our spouses, we continue to bring monthly meetings to newly bereaved or seasoned grievers.

A year ago, when I first told my eldest daughter about The Compassionate Friends, she seemed worried ” So what will you be doing? Talking about your dead babies?”

My other daughter asked “Won’t you get depressed hearing sad stories?”

I stopped and thought for a minute… it is incredibly sad to hear the stories of loss and pain, but it does not depress me. I ache for those families whose loss is more recent, where the pain is a heart savagely torn into raw pieces and where the pain seems relentless and like it will last forever. But I am further along in my grief journey and I have gone through so much pain that I have learned my lessons well. I don’t know how I made it this far . I don’t know how I kept my sanity, through the past years when there were no grief support around. I know for certain that my grief journey, as hard as it has been, was made easier, and my burden lighter, through the grace of God. He was the one who enlightened me to start this support group.

Making sense out of my son’s death was the only way to understand the “why’s”.

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Crazy Momma at Krispy Kreme Launch

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krispy kreme
The two girls arrived home last night due to the upcoming storm Reming but they were craving DOUGHNUTS. “Uh not now dears. It’s late! ” I promised to buy them [tag]Krispy Kreme Doughnuts[/tag] by waking up early for their Opening Day. Well, today is the Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Opening Day at the City Center, Global City. Bringing my mug of coffee to perk me up , I drove over to the City Center at 6:30 AM. There were like hundreds of people crazier than I am who dared to wake up early just to order the first batches of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.

krispy kremeKrispy Kreme staff were gracious enough to hand out retro caps, raffle coupons and a brochure to lift our sagging spirits and knees. Music and a dance number entertained the tired and hungry. The police, police dogs, security guards , ambulance and the fire men were on their toes,hovering among the crowd of eager customers. Would someone be crazy enough to create a stampede? They promised to open the door by 8:30 am. US Ambassador Kristie Kelly and Congressman Alan Cayetano cut the ribbon which officially launched Krispy Kreme Doughnuts in the Philippines. I didn’t catch the name of the lucky first customer who won a free supply of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. It was my secret wish to win one of the raffle prizes but alas, it was not meant to be.

krispy KremeFinally, at 10:00 AM, I entered the Krispy Kreme Doughnut store. Since I already tasted the “Melt in your Mouth” original glazed doughnuts, I ordered two dozen Assorted Krispy Kreme Doughnuts (335 pesos for a dozen). I have no intention of going back in the next few weeks so might as well order all the doughnut varieties. With the hundreds of people in the city center, Krispy Kreme did a pretty good job of organizing the smooth flow of customers in and out of the shop. There were hundreds and hundreds of doughnuts to be sold. Even Go Nuts Donuts could not cope with the influx of orders when they first launched a few years ago.

After all that hassle and waking up early to be one of the first 500 customers, was it worth it? Not really. As consolation, I ended up with:

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