Touched by An Angel

15Apr 2016

Top 10 highlights of my visit to the Huawei campus at Shenzen, China

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

When I think of Huawei, I remember my first portable modem wifi in 2010, the Huawei E585. For the past three years, my Smart LTE pocket WIFI has seen better days but serves me well in getting connected to the world with the help of my two telcos and other gadgets.

My next encounter with Huawei was during a launch of Globe’s rollout of its biggest network modernization program with the help of Huawei in 2011, that pretty much boosted its network quality . That launch broadened my knowledge that Huawei is not just a manufacturer of portable Wifis. Still, the image of Huawei imprinted in my mind is geeky and high-tech.

A visit to Huawei Headquarters in Shenzhen, China widened my perspective on its array of products, services and their innovation in building a better connected world .

I was invited to be part of the Philippine media and blogger delegation that toured the Huawei campus and exhibit hall on April 8 . We had an interesting mix of writers from the print and magazine, to lifestyle bloggers, fashion bloggers, and even mom bloggers like myself.

The biggest discovery for me as a mom, is that Huawei offers other products and solutions which are just as practical as my trusty old portable wifi.

Let me share the top ten things that fascinated me during my visit to the Huawei campus which by the way is huge and even bigger than the Ateneo de Manila Campus.

1. The wearable devices including the Huawei Watch

The line-up of wearable device is fascinating. Who would have thought that Huawei would come out with something so pretty for the ladies? Huawei included 10 feminine-designed watch faces available on the Jewel and Elegant. There is the fitness tracker , of course.

I am looking forward to the smartwatch/fitness tracker hybrid, the Huawei TalkBand B3. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see this at the Shenzhen showcase.

2. Huawei smartphones

The first time I heard of a Huawei smartphone was from a fellow tech blogger. I wanted to know more of smartphones that are not Apple or Samsung. My blogger friend told me the camera takes great photos. I didn’t believe him since I always associated Huawei with high-tech solutions. I am looking forward to the new Huawei P9 Dual-Lens designed in partnership with German camera producer Leica.

Another tidbit I learned is that Huawei is now in the top three in smartphone sales. Huawei is the third-largest smartphone manufacturer in the world at the moment.

Huawei has made a “bold prediction, saying it plans to surpass Apple as the second-biggest smartphone player in the world in three years.”

3. The 4.5G, Next Step Toward Mobile Broadband (MBB) 2020

Our children and even young at hearts (like myself) are fascinated with virtual reality which by the way, need fast internet connection. A great number of 4.5G networks will be under construction in 2016, making 1Gbps a new benchmark rate for mobile broadband networks.

Huawei will continue to help telecom operators construct ultra-broadband (UBB) mobile networks to expand their business opportunities and to build a fully connected world.

4. Internet of Things (IoT) connected devices

With an increasing rise of Internet of Things (IoT) connected devices, I will soon use my smartphone to check on the person ringing my doorbell.

“Huawei will leverage multiple-input multiple-output (MIMO) to boost mobile coverage to “4.5G” prior to the introduction of 5G, in addition to attaining gigabit-speed fixed broadband through DOCSIS 3.1 and 10 GPON.”

5. Ultra-broadband (UBB) 2020

I am only aware of broadband so what is ultra-broadband? Huawei released its UBB 2020 vision which “intends to drive and lead the connectivity development goals in UBB the world over. The basis for realizing UBB 2020 is providing ultra broadband connectivity over all media. ” This is what Gigaband mean .

6. Mixing the old and new

Telephone booths are a thing of the past but there is no reason to discard these booths. One innovative approach is to convert these booths into a wifi hotspot. See that contraption at the top of the booth. That is the wifi hotspot.

7. Safe city solution

Mothers always want their community to be safe for their children. Who does not want to live in a safe city? Yes, we have Close Circuit TVs (CCTVs) but these are not efficient especially if no one is even monitoring it. Watching a demo of the Safe City solution offered possibilities for incident prevention, emergency response, and evidence collection.

Seated at the command center, it was like being there at the scene, as events unfolded in catching the suspect before the crime occurred.

Huawei’s Safe City Solution offers “cutting-edge E2E security with ubiquitous network access, a convergent command center, video surveillance cloud, and mobile policing.” It uses the same network of connected devices, or Internet of Things (IOT), to afford governments new tools to improve public services such as crime-fighting, and to keep an eye on what is going on.

Perhaps, our government can explore this essential yet innovative technology to ensure a smarter and safer city.

8. eLTE to provide voice and video dispatching,

How useful this is for our disaster-prone country! LTE broadband trunking solution “provide voice and video dispatching, which greatly increases emergency centers’ efficiency.”

9. Video conferencing

This video conferencing in a large conference room is simply amazing , made possible with Huawei’s cinematic-quality HD multimedia MAX PRESENCE system. It makes use of “Huawei 3-in-1 panoramic cameras and patented image-splicing technology enable 10 x 70-inch HD displays to be combined into 1 ultra-wide display with superior Depth of Field (DoF) for cinema-quality, fully immersive experience.” This is quite useful for those with regional offices that require frequent meetings.

With over 7,000 islands in the Philippines, the telemedicine solution needs to be established to make “care-at-a-distance a reality and extends the reach of quality healthcare to remote locations with remote expert consultation, remote medical education, and remote monitoring”

10. Research and development comprise 45% of their total workforce worldwide

Joe Kelly, Vice President for International Media Affairs told us that Huawei has over 70,000 product and solution R&D employees, comprising more than 45% of their total workforce worldwide. It is in their value proposition that “Huawei continuously innovates to meet customer needs and advance our technological leadership.”

This building is devoted to research and development. Every company should devote resources to R&D. “Huawei’s R&D investment is comparable to Google, who spends 15%, while Facebook and Qualcomm spends even more, these two companies invest 22% and 21% in R&D, respectively.” The company is in the right path seeing that their biggest investment is into R&D.

Huawei released its latest wireless base station, GigaRadio, which sets a new benchmark for network construction with Gbps peak rate.

It is this cutting-edge technology that is changing the way families will soon conduct their lives and connect with the world around them. If only our internet is stable and consistent, then the possibilities of connecting our islands will bring us progress. In 2020, I hope to look back at this post and say “this really happened”. Wow.

11Apr 2016

iRegalo: Health as a gift

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

The quote ‘health is wealth’ is common to us. I realized this when I was 46 years old and raring to get back to the corporate world. During the course of a pre-employment checkup , the cardiologist discovered some abnormal findings in my heart. Fortunately, I had a health maintenance organization (HMO) card that covered the diagnostics required to see if my heart had a blockage or not. This discovery would not have happened if I had bothered at to use my HMO for preventive health care. The good news was there was no blockage in my main arteries. I decided to live a healthy life by making it a choice.

How many Filipinos even have preventive health care? For overseas Filipinos, is there a way to ensure their family’s well being despite being far from them? Let me share iRegalo.ph, a start-up that targets the health care of overseas Filipinos. I am quite excited about this new e-commerce player because of the value it provides to health care aside from other online products and services.

iRegalo assembles a comprehensive health care lineup that assures our kababayans their earnings are really spent on their family’s specific medical needs.

iRegalo introduces a new way of sending gifts, something that was not easy to do, nor even available online before. For the first time , there is a gift service offers healthcare choices for the overseas Filipino.

iRegalo’s health care

Health care packages cover dental, optical and general medical care.

One package helps keep their teeth and gums healthy for a whole year. Another provides a consultation with a licensed optometrist plus a new pair of glasses perfectly fitting the requirements of the patient.

With iRegalo General Medical Exam (GME) packages, she could have her regular check-up done at any of the 350+ iRegalo partner clinics nationwide.

Though there are three areas that are covered for now, iRegalo will continue to add services, ensuring that their families in the Philippines get the healthcare coverage they need.

Security built-in

When I first shared iRegalo a few weeks back, the main question was “is online payment secure?” iRegalo took the necessary steps to secure the entire process, using encryption that has been rated A+ by Qualys SSL Labs, an independent testing service.

“We made sure that not only are our packages compelling, but that the entire process is worry-free,” said Gilbert Paras, iRegalo CFO.

iRegalo also accepts the following secure payment options namely: PayPal, Visa, Mastercard, JCB, American Express, UnionPay, and Discover Network.

With just a few clicks at their website at iregalo.ph, Filipinos can send healthcare packages to family and friends anywhere in the Philippines. These packages are honored at hundreds of medical, dental and optical clinics nationwide.
We must always keep our health in good condition because no matter how wealthy we are, if we are not in good physical condition, then all our wealth will only be in vain. Aside from health care packages, you can also send flowers and the latest smartphones and laptops, too.

iRegalo users will be able to send gifts from participating supermarkets and other merchant types all over the country. The various categories in iRegalo is a big step in providing choice and convenience, compared to what is currently available in the market.

03Apr 2016

The power of a praying parent

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

One of the biggest life-changing event in 2013 is when my two children left our home to live independently. My new life as a blogger in 2006 came just when the kids were in college which then prepared me to let go one year at a time. Being alone at home with four cats give me some measure of comfort. It’s just the two of us now…my husband and I . There are many things we can do on our own that we never could do while the children were living with us like overseas travel or just sitting quietly reading a book.

I get flashbacks of my life as a mom to all the ‘first’ times in their lives: the first time the girls left home for a high school retreat, the first time the girls commuted through public transportation, the first time they crossed the streets by themselves, the first time they flew abroad on their own, the first time they drove the car. So many firsts and twenty something years later, the same feeling comes over me as I watched each daughter leave home, and watch her go. A mingling of pride, a bit of tears and mixed emotions overwhelm me as I reflect upon my empty nest. I get sentimental thinking of them as my forever little girls. My husband often worries about the girls and bugs me of updates. I don’t normally ask for updates because I would rather they volunteer that information. I tell my husband to just keep praying.

All I can do now is pray every day. I let go of worrying. It has been said that “worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.” Let go and Let God is my motto.

I came across “The Power of a Praying Parent” and it reminds me about how a mother’s job is never done. Let me share that quote from Stormie Omatian:

Being a mother is the greatest of all privileges. And it is also the biggest of all responsibilities. It is the best of all jobs, while at the same time it is the most difficult of all jobs. Being a mother can bring you the highest joy. It can also cause the deepest pain. It can make you feel like a huge success when everything is going well. And cause you to feel like a failure when something goes wrong. I know this because in my nearly thirty years of being a mother, I have experienced all those things many times over. When I brought my first child home from the hospital a few days after he was born, I was painfully aware that I didn’t know what I was doing. So I turned desperately to God for help. Every day. Sometimes on an hourly basis!

Through that time of depending on God to show me the way, I discovered that God doesn’t want us to raise our children without His help. Of course He wants us to do our part and “train up a child in the way he should go”, but He also wants us to look to Him to give us the wisdom, strength, and ability we need to do the job well. One of the most important parts of our job as a parent is to keep our children covered in prayer.

I believe that being a parent is becoming more and more difficult each year because of what our children are exposed to and bombarded with everywhere they turn. But we don’t have to be worried sick, dreading what is around the corner, or fearing the worst. We don’t have to be tossed to and fro by every new stage and age and trend and fad. We have the power to make a big difference in our children’s lives through prayer. That doesn’t mean we abdicate our responsibilities as parents. It means we partner with God to raise our children as we pray for every aspect of their lives. When we don’t pray for them, we leave our children’s lives up to chance.

Praying for our children doesn’t mean that nothing will ever go wrong in their lives. But when it does, we don’t have to beat ourselves up for not being perfect parents. Besides, it’s not being a perfect parent that makes the difference in a child’s life, for there are no perfect parents. It’s being a praying parent that makes a big difference. And that’s something we can all be.”

No one is a perfect parent but we can all be a praying parent. I am aware of my failures in the past and I pray my children will count the times I picked up myself from the rubble and never went back.

Our two daughters will always be home.

And my Luijoe, of course. They live with us, in our hearts.

I will be constantly reminded that my children will always be in my heart because home is where the heart is . With the help of prayers, I know they will be safe , loved and full of energy to realize their goals in life.

25Mar 2016

Luijoe, my son and The Seven Last Words

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 9 Comments

Luijoe meadow somewhere in the North, where his grandparents live today

The Holy Week is one of the most memorable time of the year. Being a “cafeteria Catholic” my religious faith is at best mediocre. Luijoe, my innocent and religious 6 year old son often chastised me for not praying hard enough .

Painting on the wall of Church of Holy Sacrifice, UP Campus

I felt like a terrible mother who led a ho-hum religious existence. Gosh, we learn so much from our children , don’t we? It is the Holy Week which reminds me of my son. The image of the dying Jesus when he blurted out “Woman, behold thy son, Behold thy mother” struck a chord in my son’s heart.

Luijoe photo taken at Luijoe meadow during Holy Week 2000

Every night, Luijoe pointed to that image asking me over and over again what it meant. He pointed to John the Beloved “Who is he? How is he related to the Mother of Jesus?” Strange he asked about John. I cuddled Luijoe in my arms and explained that the dying Jesus wanted John the Beloved to take care of his grieving mother. How was I to know that my own son would die the following weeks? During the funeral, I remember those last words and took it literally to mean that my family or my friends would take care of me in my bereavement, that there would be “John the Beloved” who will help me.

When a death as devastating as the loss of a child hits you, one tries to find meaning. One tries to make sense out of it. The time came when I realized that those last words were not about me. It was about me helping those who are in pain , because the grief journey is not easy. My son made sure that I would not be alone in this journey as long as I continue to help others. He made sure I remember to be the “John the Beloved” and be compassionate to other people’s pain.

I look back and reflect on that poignant scene. It is my son’s way of reminding me that I will find comfort and still be a comfort to others:

He who was nailed to the cross, wanted to spare His mother further pain, not only for that moment, but for her entire future. He put her in the care of the apostle whom ““He loved” and whom He knew would care for her in return. Even as Jesus was dying, He went beyond himself to addresses someone else’s need.

Luijoe meadow at night, taken by Sean, my brother-in-law 2010 Christmas day

The Seven Last Words remind me of my son who died so young yet I know he continues to live in me through my work, my actions and devotion. Luijoe is with me everyday.

Here is something soothing:
Mozart Ave Verum Corpus por Leonard Bernstein

19Mar 2016

Healing thoughts

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 8 Comments

I am listening to “Tomaso Albinoni- Adagio in G Minor by Gizatto” as I write this post.

I’m exhausted. Not from work but from trying to figure out things from 3:00 PM till midnight yesterday. That’s all I can do. I can only do so much. It is not my job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, life. There is magic in letting go. Sometimes we get what we want soon after we let go. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes the specific outcome we desire doesn’t happen. Something better does. I trust that by letting go, I have started the wheels in motion for things to work out in the best possible way.

I may not be there yet but I’m closer than I was yesterday – Natalia Campbell

The way my life is unfolding is good.

Who I am and the way I do things is good enough for today.

Who I am and the way I did things yesterday was good enough for that day.

Today, I will let go and take in healing thoughts.

At times like these, I need to think healing thoughts.

Life is like riding a bicycle . In order to keep your balance, you must keep moving Albert EinsteinWhen in doubt about my timing or present position in life, I assure myself that all is well. I am right where I am meant to be. I reassure myself that others are too.

When I ponder the future, I tell myself that it will be good. When I look back at the past, I relinquish regrets.

When I feel discomfort, I know it will pass. When I identify a need, I tell myself that it will be met.

When I notice problems, I affirm there will be a timely solution and a gift from the problem.

When I worry about those I love, I ask God to protect and care for them. When I worry about myself, I ask God to do the same.

When I think about others, I think of love. When I think of myself, I think of love.

I watch as my thoughts transform to reality.

Today, I will think healing thoughts.

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” Seneca , Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD

15Mar 2016

Once upon a time, an Easter egg detective hunt

by webs ⋅ Leave a Comment

Photo via Flickr by Abigail Batchelder. Some rights reserved.

Candies are a no-no in the house except on Valentine’s day, Easter Holidays and Christmas Season. I only display them on the table because they are pretty and colorful. I know I shouldn’t tempt the kids with these goodies but that’s not a problem because they are conscious of the amount of food they eat. They also know that they are at high risk of diabetes. The hubby is quite lucky as he doesn’t have this genetic problem and can tolerate high carbo diets. The strange thing is he can’t take in high amounts of protein due to gouty arthritis.

so anyway….

I remember the last time I organized an Easter Egg hunt was 20 years ago. Since our house didn’t have a big garden that time, I thought of placing the eggs inside the house. I added a twist. To find the eggs, they were given clues which led to another clue and so on and so forth. I can’t remember the clues now but I wrote it in riddles. I dubbed it an Easter Egg detective hunt. Two of the eggs were strategically placed inside their dad’s shirt while he was napping. I caught the hunt in video. The look on one of my daughter’s face as she found the eggs was priceless. Laughing and laughing! I know, I know… I can get “crazy”.

09Mar 2016

Sending gifts: Simple joys & acts of love from OFWs & Balikbayans

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

“What do you want for pasalubong? I will prepare a balikbayan box.”, my siblings asked via Skype. I always look forward to reunions. It is not often my siblings from the US come home to the Philippines. The last time we were together here was in 2003, when our father died. So when a wedding in the family last January got scheduled, everyone made travel plans.

2016 Photo by Widengrens Creative Media

The balikbayan box is so precious because it conveys love in a box, and also represents hard work and love for our family and friends.

Photo via Flickr by Jeff Youngstrom. Some rights reserved.

When I picked up my siblings from the international airport, I often wonder what is inside each of those balikbayan boxes. A Manila Bulletin article “What’s the most precious thing you’ve ever put in your balkibayan box?” gives us a glimpse.

My favorites are: the iPad2 I sent my wife for her birthday and the laptop I sent to my daughter so she won’t have to go to computer shops anymore for school stuff. —Randy Villegas, Saudi Arabia

My mother has cancer and I send her medicines… I find comfort in the fact that even if I can’t always be with her; I can still take care of her with the medicines that I send. —Doeleth in KSA

I saved just so I can buy clothes, shoes, even groceries that I can fit in a big balikbayan box. Opening these boxes has been a favorite bonding activity of my family. —Aileen in Dubai, UAE

Photo via Flickr by Angela Sabas. Some rights reserved.

The balikbayan box that my siblings prepare truly represents the love and joy of giving. It is different for every one. One sister packs her balikbayan box with food items while another sibling puts in towels and bedsheets. Another family member, sends books or costume jewelry from garage sales. These are items not normally found in the Philippines. But see, there are many common items inside the balikbayan box like canned goods, chocolates, bedsheets, clothes, or personal care products like lotions, perfumes, make-up, and gadgets like mobile phones and tablets. Sometimes, there are very specific items like a particular pair of shoes or shirts bought on sale. Then, there is the Overseas Filipino Worker (OFWs) who prepare the box for months, as they watch out for sale items. Whatever the gift items, our OFW or balikbayan family member is sending love inside the box when they bring it home or sent through a courier.

Photo via flickr by Island Pacific. Some rights reserved.

But there are times, you want to send it ASAP like birthday, graduation or anniversary gifts. The delivery date of a balikbayan box is usually not reliable. It could take 60 days or, even longer to arrive. Sometimes, when there is an occasion, or the item is perishable, it becomes a challenge. It’s a good thing there are now options like iRegalo that allow you to easily send items . Their site, www.iregalo.ph, allows you to buy items like smartphones, flowers, and other gadgets online. They will then deliver nationwide in the Philippines. Now, that is so convenient.

Pretty soon, iregalo will be introducing new product categories to give the OFW choice and control. Now this is something to watch out for. How exciting!

03Mar 2016

Top 10 interesting things to know about Quorn, a deliciously healthy meat alternative

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

I was at the Great British Festival last weekend to check out Quorn, a deliciously healthy meat alternative . Ever since I chose to be semi-vegetarian (or pesco-vegetarian), I have been searching for food alternatives. I tell you , I am so impressed.

I ate pasta, longaniza and chicken nuggets. It tasted exactly like real chicken nuggets. I was not able to taste any weird flavors that I often associate with soy products. I swear by it . This is one reason I am sharing it in my blog. I am so excited that it will soon arrive in the Philippines.

Did you know that excessive meat consumption is harmful to your health and even to the planet? Pressing health issues such as obesity and heart diseases have been linked to excessive meat consumption. That is one reason, I chose to be pesco-vegetarian. And did you know that meat production is one of the biggest causes of greenhouse gas emissions that contribute to climate change?

Food production is a major contributor to emissions and thus climate change. Livestock specifically is estimated to contribute over 14% of greenhouse gas emissions – a greater share than transport.

Let me share Quorn’s press release on the “Top 10 reasons why Quorn is better for you and better for the planet”

Quorn aims to combat these issues by delivering their mission – to help the world eat more healthily and sustainably.

Here are 10 interesting facts you should know about Quorn:

DELICIOUSLY HEALTHY MEAT ALTERNATIVE

Quorn is a deliciously healthy meat alternative that best replicates the taste and texture of meat, perfect for creating healthier versions of your favorite meals.

MADE FROM NATURAL INGREDIENTS

Quorn’s main ingredient is MYCOPROTEIN, a naturally healthy protein that is meat-free, low in saturated fats, but high in protein and fiber. Mycoprotein is made through fermentation, a process similar to how bread, beer and yoghurt are made. It is non-GMO.

MEAT-FREE PROTEIN

Quorn products are vegetarian.

It has a Vegan and Gluten-free range, ideal for the health conscious and health conscious to be.

GREAT TASTING PRODUCT RANGE

Quorn has a full range of great tasting products — from ingredients that allow you to cook from scratch to ready to cook/ ready to eat options.

YOUR DIET BUDDY

Quorn generally has 200 fewer calories per meal and 0% cholesterol. Now your journey to #twentysixTHIN and achieving those #bodygoals will be much easier!

BETTER FOR YOU

High protein, high fiber
85% less saturated fat than lean beef
200 fewer calories per meal
0% cholesterol

BETTER FOR THE PLANET

Quorn products have a carbon footprint approximately 90% less than beef and 75% less than chicken.
It uses 40-90% less land and water than different meat options.
Quorn Foods is the first global meat-alternative brand to achieve third-party certification of its carbon footprint figures.

TRUSTED BY EXPERTS

Quorn aims to be the best at helping consumers eat less meat. It is recommended by doctors, nutritionists and heart foundations all over the world.

WORLD LEADER

Quorn is the world leader in meat alternatives, with over 3 billion servings made over the last 30 years.

SOON IN THE PHILIPPINES

Quorn is present in many countries in Europe; in the U.S, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and soon in Asia. Arriving in the Philippines soon, get ready to taste the deliciously healthy goodness of Quorn!

For more information, visit www.Quorn.com and www.facebook.com/QuornPH.

01Mar 2016

Life is about creating yourself

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” George Bernard Shaw

I caught the George Bernard Shaw quote a few days ago and it made me reflect back on my life. It is almost 16 years that my son passed away.

I do not recognize myself from the person I was in the past. I am more confident. I appreciate myself more. I have a new life, helping bereaved parents through the Compassionate friends , blogging and advocating social change for social good. I am having the time of my life and feeling beautiful, loved and being loving.

I was a full time mother from 1987 till 2005 where I stayed home most of the time. Though I am proud to be a mom, I knew I was more than just a mother after finding myself in an empty nest. The desire to do more started when the kids went to college. There was this inner desire to provide public service like my father did.

In losing my son, I was meant to bring out my service oriented nature to other bereaved parents and the nation. Not that it had to take a death to push me there. I had to seek the meaning of life, and why I outlived my son. It brought my dormant talents of organizing and initiating service oriented projects (filipinaimages.com, blogwatch.ph, compassionatefriends.info, Philippine Blog Awards)

I did not find myself. I had to go beyond my comfort zone, innovating myself, doing things that were not the old me.

Writing is not one of my talents. I had to learn to write creatively for the blog. I promoted my grief recovery blog not knowing that this was the start of my NEW NORMAL. I am now in online publishing and using this to bring awareness to my advocacy. Aside from grief recovery, I embarked into citizen media for voters education , and as a features editor for Philippine Online Chronicles. Me, an editor? From a homemaker , I am now thrust to a whole new world of media. Never in my wildest dream did I imagine I would be on TV, newspaper, radio, magazine as a resource person for grief, then later in blogging. Blogging gave me new friends, reconnected with old friendships, brought me to travel places. It taught me to be more confident.

I am happier. My son’s life ended too soon but I had to experience this pain and learn to go out of my comfort zone and reach out to others. That is the meaning of life I had to discover for myself.

It took me a long time to realize that grief is inevitable and that misery is optional.

What does do good is doing good. I decided to lead the second part of my life differently and better than I would have imagined “in the name of my son, Luijoe. I know that as I reach out to bereaved parents through The Compassionate Friends”, the world is changed in some small way for the better, and then the actions taken become my living tribute to my son. And then Luijoe is never entirely gone.

Life is good.

26Feb 2016

Fighting With Your Spouse Is Good For Your Health

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 9 Comments

The captivating news feature , Fighting With Your Spouse Is Good For Your Health caught my eye. But hold your horses, war freak spouses. Listen, it has to be a good fight . Not the cat-dog fight. Preliminary results from a University of Michigan study found couples that suppress anger die earlier than couples in which one or both partners express their anger and resolve the conflict..

Researchers looked at 192 couples in Tecumseh, Mich. during a 17-year period placing them into one of four categories. The first category included couples in which both partners communicated their anger.

The second and third groups included one spouse that expresses while the other suppresses anger and the forth group involved couples where both the husband and wife suppress their anger and brood, lead author Ernest Harburg said in a press release.

“Comparison between couples in which both people suppress their anger, and the three other types of couples, are very intriguing,” said Harburg, professor emeritus of the U-M School of Public Health and the psychology department.

When both spouses suppress their anger at the other when unfairly attacked, earlier death was twice as likely than in all other types.

Ernest Harburg clarified that “If you bury your anger, and you brood on it, you resent the other person or the attacker, and you don’t try to resolve the problem, then you’re in trouble.”

The key factor is communication. Filipinos are not too hot on a confrontational talk including my husband but with practice we found ways to argue and resolve amicably. How?

1. Avoid “You should or you should not”
At the heat of any argument, I don’t butt in and say “You shouldn’t feel that way” or “You should be calm”. When I am disappointed or impatient with his attitude, I just say “I feel sad that you are feeling that way”. By owning my feelings, I am not accusing him or making him responsible for my of sadness. Even if he seeks advice, I still say “I feel this is the right approach” . I never say ““you’re wrong.” I often try hard to look for areas of agreement and work on them.

2. Don’t beat around the bush in our conversations to control the reactions of your spouse. Guilt producing comments only produce guilt.
Hinting at what we need doesn’t work. Our spouse can’t read our mind and they are more likely to resent our indirectedness. The best way to take responsibility for what we want is to ask for it directly. And, we can insist on directness too. If I need to say no to a particular request, I make it known. If my spouse tries to control me through a conversation, I refuse to participate.

3. When I’m wrong, I admit it.
I make mistakes now and then, so I say ““You’re absolutely right, dear, I know it’s my fault and here is what I’ll do to make amends.” Even if I am NOT wrong, at least I give him the benefit of the doubt, ““I may be wrong, let’s examine at the facts together.” It’s hard to argue with that.

4. Communicate with your husband when he is out of his cave
Some husbands like mine hibernate to their cave for solitude when he is thinking about a problem. Many men withdraw until they find a solution to the problem. I don’t know if women hibernate in a cave. I know I don’t. One thing I learned is Never disturb your man while he is growling in his cave.

It pays to have a good fight when both are willing to resolve like two mature invidividuals.

Any ideas to add on how to resolve your problems?

« Previous 1 … 25 26 27 28 29 … 159 Next »

Post Navigation