If I were seated here, watching this event 12 years ago, I will not be able to recognize myself.
My grief , the loss of my son brought me to where I am today. A whole new world. A blogger that talks about ““Touched by an Angel” at her blog, the aboutmyrecovery.com . A blogger that talks of Blog Watch, a citizen media endeavor.
From a homemaker to a whole new world as a blogger, citizen media and as features editor of an alternative online magazine, the Philippine Online Chronicles, I often wonder…what would I have been doing if I did not move on towards a positive resolution of my grief? Never did I conceive that the shy old me would land on TV, newspaper, radio, magazine as a resource person for grief, then later in blogging then social media for the elections. Blogging brought me new friends, reconnected with old friendships, brought me to travel places. It taught me to be more confident.
Not a day passes when I do not think of my loved ones who have gone on. I often still wonder how my life would have turned out if they were still with me. When the going gets rough in social media, I remember that the pain of losing my son is worst.
I am reminded of my friend Cathy when she wrote about The good from the grief. Eleanor Roosevelt said as she reflected upon her transition from first lady to private citizen after her husband died: ““Every time you meet a situation, though you may think at the time it is an impossibility and you go through the tortures of the damned, once you have met it and lived through it, you find that forever after you are freer than you ever were before.
““If you can live through that, you can live through anything. You gain courage, strength and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”
Watch #whatrocksmysocks video
What rocks my socks is being a blogger and evolving to cover a larger goal- to advocate social change .
My new normal as a blogger served me well: my role as a bereaved mother is no longer the first way I define who I am, but it is ever-present in my life and cannot be separated from all that I am . . . for the rest of my life.
I realized that Luijoe’s death gave me courage even if it took me five years to realize it. Courage to let life go on, to give myself a chance that new and good things will happen to me that will add JOY to my life. I felt he wanted me to carry on the comfort to others.
Working with my advocacy is also my way of keeping Luijoe’s memory alive in the next couple of years. I also know that every time I comfort a bereaved parent or sibling, my actions are a living tribute to my child.
Thank you Internet and Mobile Marketing Association of the Philippines (IMMAP), TV5 and The Peninsula Manila and others such as Yehey!, Wunderman, 1DMG, Leo Burnett & Arc Worldwide, LoudWhistle, Ripple 100, GoMotion, TV5, Peachtree SEO and eLearning Edge. Media partners: Adobo Magazine, Inquirer, and Rappler.com. Official beverage partner for the night: Casa Noble
#Whatrocksmysocks speakers aside from myself:
-Ivy Almario, Interior Designer
-Marthyn Cuan, CIO at Meralco
-Manny Osmena, Cebu’s top winemaker, Manny O
-Glenmarc Antonio, Famous cosplayer
Photo credits: Some photos from Jane Uymatiao, Jaypee David , Carlo Ople and Jules Mariano. Thanks a lot
Looks like a few readers are interested in the upcoming, unwritten book on “How to Please Your Mother-in-law without losing your identity“. It’s not an impossible book. Based on practical tips from successful daughter-in-laws (like myself, I would hope so) who get along with their mother-in-laws, here are some:
1. Live as far apart from your mother-in-law. If she is based in Manila, move to South Africa. The farther you are, the fonder her heart will be towards you.
2. Give her a round trip ticket for a two to three weeks stay but make sure the ticket cannot be rebooked. How she will love you for your generosity. Repeat this practice every two to three years.
3. Praise her on how wonderful her son is and how her parenting style truly molded his character.
4. Take cooking, baking, sewing, crafts, gardening and household lessons. Not only will you benefit from the lessons but your mother in law will be impressed. Of course you didn’t do it to impress her.
5. Pray everyday. You know that she will never change her ways. Pray to get strength to go through another day and that your marriage will not be affected in a negative light.
““To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.”
– Josh Billings
I was excited despite the short notice. Russel C Patalinghog invited me to be the guest speaker at the 8th Leadership Awards of Eton International School . They were launching their new 3D based curriculum using technology from Eureka and thought I’d speak on the advantages of using new technology to help kids today learn more. He also asked me to share my insights on parenting in the new digital age.
It excited me because for the first time my talk is about parenting. Usually I am invited to talk about blogging, grief, or social media. I wanted to share my experience as a parent who provided computers in 1994 and internet use in 1995 . When the internet came to the life of my children, no one knew if it would be helpful. Some people who were ignorant of the internet often questioned me why I allowed my children to use the internet. As one of the pioneering parents to use internet, I had to rely on common sense and instincts.
Before I prepared my talk, I asked my eldest daughter Lauren on ideas as I always do whenever I write about parenting articles. My children have taught me a lot about parenting. Yes , they raised me well. My children would know if internet and new technology gave them valuable lessons in life but that is another story I will share in the future.
For now, let me share my keynote speech with some inputs from my daughters .
L was 9 years old while M was 8 years old when I had an internet connection at home. Between the 2 girls, Lauren used the internet a lot more than M. My internet service provider in 1995 was Virtual Asia. For 500 pesos a month, I had 15 internet hours. Geesh, it was terribly expensive to get wired during those days.
striking a balance for the wonders of internet accountability, self-discipline and safety
The internet at home was mainly used for email purposes as I wanted to save my precious internet hours. One summer day in 1996 , nine year old Lauren got bored and demanded to go online to search for penpals. I foresaw the need to strike a balance for the wonders of the internet with the responsibility for accountability, self-discipline, and safety. The best defense I had was to make exploring the online world a family affair.
Allow me share with you my thoughts on parenting in this new digital world before I speak on using new technology in the classroom.
Today, there are a varied array of new technologies such as the iPad. I see many kids using iPad. The question is “who needs a babysitter, now there is the iPad?”
A pediatric occupational therapist Cris Rowan, Author of Virtual Child: The Terrifying Truth About What Technology is Doing to Children, and founder of Zone’in Programs Inc outlook on child technology “use is bleak and irreversible. They’re permanently altering the formation of their brain, and it’s not in a good way.” When asked how she foresaw children adapting or evolving if they were to continue at the level of usage seen today, Rowan responded, “Well, I see them dying.”
Watch this one year old child with the iPad and a magazine. The video shows how magazines are now useless and impossible to understand, for digital natives. It shows real life clip of a 1-year old, growing among touch screens and print. And how the latter becomes irrelevant. Just watch.
The kid is restless with a magazine when it does not respond the way an iPad does. I find it disturbing because kids should be experiencing all the senses. There are health issues involved too. Your pediatrician can best explain this.
Two simple concepts: Clear limits and lead by example
I follow two parenting concepts that applies online and offline. Clear limits mean providing boundaries on our child’s activities and walking the talk on rules.
“There are many little ways to enlarge your child’s world. Love of books is the best of all.” Jacqueline Kennedy
Books need to be given to young children not iPads. They need to feel and smell the book. Sure, ebook readers provide the visuals but it does not give the tactile experience.
Call me an old-fashioned parent, but I love holding a book, leafing through the crisp pages, experiencing the vivid graphics, and inhaling that wonderful book smell. Don’t you?
Whenever I buy a new book to my toddlers, I protected their books with plastic cover. Just before reading, I smell that wonderful book smell. That experience bonded me with my children and they will never forget it.
“Children are made readers on the laps of their parents.”  Emilie Buchwald
Books are definitely a tactile experience for our children. The smell of new books always holds that promise of something new and exciting. Pass that on to your children. While I am not against iPads or other ebook readers, kids should own one when they are past 6 years old.
“We are apt to forget that children watch examples better than they listen to preaching.” – Roy L. Smith
If you need to use these digital devices to your young children, cuddle them in your arms or sit them on your lap. The best way to make technology a healthy and positive part of family life is actually to embrace it as a family activity.
I also have an issue on prolonged use of devices. For children 2 yrs and above , American Academy of Pediatrics recommend 1 to 2 hours quality screen time per day. A finding from a Kaiser study in 2010 shows youth who spend more time with media report lower grades and lower levels of personal contentment.
Rowan references “a study that indicates technology overuse is not only changing brain chemistry, but also increasing the likelihood of children developing health issues. Human connection, eye contact and dialogue are paramount. Devices are hugely limiting this important exposure, Rowan says.”
As a result, therapists and clinicians are seeing an increase in attachment disorders, depression, anxiety, bipolar, obsessive compulsive disorders, and ADHD all of which have been linked to technology overuse. “I’ve been working with kids for 25 years. I’ve never seen this,” she concludes. “This is something that’s epic. And we’re really just witnessing the tip of an iceberg.”
As a parent who didn’t know much of new technology in the mid-nineties, I’d rather children read a book, see play volleyball than spend time vegetating in front of the computer. But I thought maybe the internet can have a place at home. The school did not have internet back then. It can be perfectly safe, uplifting and wonderful parts of kids’ lives if used wisely, especially combined with other balanced and healthy daily activities.
The best way to make technology a healthy and positive part of family life “is actually to embrace it, educate yourself about it and go hands-on with new devices, apps, social networks and services wherever possible. We don’t help our kids when we judge their lives through the lens of a non-digital world. It’s important for us to understand that our kids will spend their lives in a connected world where everyone participates in communication and creation.”
2. Teach kids the skills they need to use technology wisely and well.
It’s hard to gate-keep in a world with no fences. “Parents have lost control of the flow of information to our kids who see too much, too soon. We no longer hear conversations or see what our kids create and share with others. Since we cannot cover their eyes, or shadow them everywhere, we need to teach them how to see and how to behave responsibly.”
3. Match Technology with Reading Time or Outside Time
Make a deal in the house that for every hour of media, they must also spend an hour reading or outside. This makes sure kids keep a balance between technology and other activities.Most importantly, we must consider the media and technology use in the home so it does not become automatic, but deliberate and carefully implemented.
The limits I set for my children below 16 years old : only one hour computer use/internet a day. No TV during school days. Once the girls were in college, I set them free and allowed them to set their own rules.
4. Don’t be afraid.
Parents can’t afford to be technophobic. “Our kids adopt technologies faster than we do.That means they’re often way out in front of us. This fact upsets the parent/child relationship.So get in the game. Have your kids show you how to do something if you don’t know.”
5. Pass along your values.
Family values “are things that are many times passed down from generation to generation, and they play a monumental role in how your child learns and grows. Defining this time will help your family to understand what is important and what it means when you are talking about issues such as family time, play time, and other larger issues such as spirituality and the beliefs that you wish your child to grow up with.”
Using new technology in helping your kids learn more
I am not saying my parenting concept should be followed by all. The reason I am sharing this is because I have been there using new technology when my children were way older than 6 years old.
Technology is nothing new. Through the years, technology has evolved. Watch this video on “The history of technology in education”, and at how advancements in technology have impacted teaching and learning over time.
“Film strip projectors, copy machines, cassette players, television sets, VCR’s, CD players, DVD players, projectors and myriad of other tools are all forms of technology that have aided teachers and enhanced instruction in the past. I would also agree that when used in wrong hands, these can hinder true education.”
Using new technology and computers if abused will only take the students minds away from the actual information trying to be taught, and towards how cool and awesome the new gadgets are in the classroom.
Technology in the classroom is not a new idea. “Technology has advanced, but the message is still relevant!! It shows how technology may transform delivery and create new opportunities but the process is not new. More importantly, it reinforces the need to guide the learner (with some good old note taking!). The use of new media and technology still have to be carefully thought out especially in targeting conceptual learning.”
From the old video shown in the 1950’s, it is still applicable today. New technology in the classroom should stimulate, motivate and educate with a goal in mind.
Stimulate, motivate and educate with a goal in mind
New technology in the classroom brings fun and excitement to learning, lessons are captivating and engaging, many abstract subjects become tangible for students . It can also cultivate mastery of lessons and shortened period of teaching.
How?
1. Stimulate
Students require more than simple lectures to gain knowledge. “They instead need variety. Children must be immersed in different forms of learning. This is to ensure that all types of fact absorptions can be addressed (since some individuals master information through reading while others require visuals, and some may instead need to touch their assignments). Utilize computers, debates, the arts, Kinesthetic practices and more to allow all students to understand the material. Provide variety to ensure success.”
2. Motivate
One of the major keys to motivation is the active involvement of students in their own learning. “Standing in front of them and lecturing to them (at them?) is thus a relatively poor method of teaching. It is better to get students involved in activities, group problem solving exercises, helping to decide what to do and the best way to do it, helping the teacher, working with each other, or in some other way getting physically involved in the lesson. A lesson about nature, for example, would be more effective walking outdoors than looking at pictures.”
3. Educate
When you teach kids how to stimulate their mind while having fun kids systematically seek ways to educate themselves and enjoy lessons at school and education in general.
Hesitancy and fear of technology is not new
I used to have mixed feelings about using new technology in helping my kids learn more. Knowing that Eton International school will soon use a 3D curriculum in Science and math, I wish they were around in the nineties. My two girls often struggled with Mathematics. Imagine if the Math 3D curriculum was part of their Math classes. I am sure my girls would have appreciated Math more. I will write more about their 3D Based curriculum in another blog post.
For most parents, the hesitancy and fear of new technology is not new either. Usually we think of technology as machine-like equipment. Wasn’t it at one point, implementing paper and pencils into the classroom was the new ‘technology’ craze (as opposed to the slate board). Interesting perspective, isn’t it?
You know the good thing that happened when I embraced technology? I became a blogger in 2006 and today I use social media tools to advocate social change through Blog Watch.
“Technology is ruled by two types of people: those who manage what they do not understand, and those who understand what they do not manage.” Mike Trout
Updated October 23, 2014: SC junks Cebu ‘bikini students’ plea vs. school : In an 18-page decision, the SC’s Third Division denied a petition for the issuance of a writ of habeas data filed by parents of two of the five sanctioned students.
Update March 30 RTC Branch 19 Sheriff Manuel Gimeno and process server Rey Christian Matta (left) are denied entry at the gate of St. Theresa’s College where they were supposed to serve a temporary restraining order on school officials who blocked five high school students from participating in the graduation ceremony. Gimeno and Matta were unable to serve the order. The school turned away the five students involved in the controversy of photos uploaded to Facebook showing them in bikinis and allegedly, with alcohol and cigarettes. They were not able to participate in the baccalaureate mass and the graduation rites that would have capped their high school lives. See photo of sheriff turned away and this No graduation rites
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Virtue, science, and the arts are the seeds carefully planted in the student’s mind and heart – STC motto
That’s me 38 years ago after my High School graduation. A loyalist Theresian. I walked down the aisle of the St. Theresa’s College (STC) Cebu Chapel giddy with excitement that a new life awaited me in College. Nothing extraordinary happened the weeks before this momentous occasion.
It pained me to read the story of five girls who were initially not allowed to march on graduation day. My alma mater banned the girls from attending even pre-graduation rites because they were posing in bikini and posting their pictures online. The mother of one girl petitioned the court on behalf of her daughter. On Thursday, Judge Wilfredo Navarro issued a temporary restraining order on the STC’s sanction that applied to all the 5 students. The TRO said that STC must ““treat the minors with kindness and civility befitting true graduates of a respectable institution sans any discrimination for the entire duration of the commencement exercises.”
The offensive photos in Facebook
Having been in STC, I am aware how strict the school can be. During my time, someone had to measure how short our skirts were…that we should wear pantilets under our skirt and many more. I think shorts were not even allowed to be worn under our skirt. It was not feminine. Modesty was taught early on. I recall we had to wear a chemise or sando so that our bras will not be seen through the blouse. I think most Catholic girl schools have these rules.
Despite the strict rules, I appreciate the values and knowledge that prepared me for life.
Anyway, the school officials scolded the girls for posting their photos of themselves clad in bikini at their Facebook accounts. . The students said they ““were deeply hurt and cried” after being scolded by the officials whom they accused of humiliating them with abusive language calling them ““easy, drunks and addicts.” The girls say the photos posted in their Facebook accounts were about past events held outside the school and were not offensive. The school officials say the photos were considered by the school as ““offensive to the virtues” espoused by the Catholic school.
The sanction imposed on the students was based on the provisions in the STC Handbook. I am not sure if we had the handbook back then. I do recall we couldn’t go around town with our school uniform. In the handbook, STC bars students from drinking outside the school, engaging in lewd behavior and dress in clothing that exposes underwear.
Vague standards
Student Council Alliance of the Philippines (Scap) believes that STC’s Student Handbook violates students’ rights and the Constitution.
“One of the rules stipulates that students should not be ‘posing and uploading pictures on the Internet that entail ample body exposure’ among numerous provisions that impede on the private and personal affairs of their students.” Scap said in a statement.
University of the Philippines Center for Women’s Study director Sylvia Estrada-Claudio explained that the issue is an ““institutional problem.”
““Every institution, even private religious ones, need to think disciplinary rules through so that they do not end up with institutional mechanisms that provide vague standards for discipline that lead to discriminatory and cruel interpretations,” Estrada-Claudio said.
““The vagueness of ‘ample body exposure’ leaves the interpretation up to whoever is looking at the pictures. This allows school authorities such a broad latitude that it allows for arbitrariness. In this case this arbitrariness is now the subject of controversy and like many others, I think the student’s rights have been violated.”
Jerbert Briola of Human Rights Online Philippines said the sanction is a violation of Republic Act 9262 or the Anti-Violence Against Women and Children Act ““for causing psychological violence to the student” and that the school was ““harsh” for not allowing her to march on graduation day.
The parents plan to file charges of child abuse and “grave oral defamation” against the school and school officials.
Academic freedom
Academic freedom covers standard of conduct. The concept of academic freedom includes not just standards of academic performance but also of conduct and decorum. Every educational institution has the right to prescribe proper behavioral requirements.
But these standards must be reasonable, clear and made known to the students and parents beforehand. The standards of conduct of a respected institution like my alma mater STC Cebu which has been in existence for generations were crafted at a time when there was no social media as we know it today. Who could have foreseen the impact of Facebook?
Ideas of propriety and privacy are continually evolving and it now seems that the standards prescribe by STC are outdated. It might be time to review the code of behavior required of STC students. In the meantime, maybe a less rigid penalty can be imposed.
In this age of social media, this will not be the last instance of STC students posting comments , pictures in Facebook or other social media sites. It might be time for STC Cebu to accept certain realities and adjust to them in a positive and constructive way. Why call them out with abusive language as ““easy, drunks and addicts”? Name calling will not result in constructive engagement.
After all the values instilled by STC will remain with them for life and will not be destroyed by a mere error in judgment.
To this day, I carry the values that STC instilled in me. The school’s rallying cry is ““Let your light shine. Be a blessing to those in need, especially the underprivileged.” I hope these girls will not be traumatized and will rise above this pain. After all, a Theresian is a “woman of faith and a seeker of truth with a strong sense of mission” and as such will respond “creatively to the cry of justice and fullness of life.”
Come, Theresians, and acclaim,
St. Theresa’s glorious name.
Grateful hearts their tribute bear,
Loving lips shall sing for her,
For she stands among the rest
As a leaven for the quest.
Dearest home we stand for you.
Far or near our song rings true.
And our theme fore’er shall be,
“St. Theresa, hail to thee!”
And our theme fore’er shall be,
“St. Theresa, hail to thee!”
How did I end up covering the Impeachment trial? Has it all been worthwhile? How did I end up sitting it out for 5 hours or so 4 times a week since the middle of January 2012? I could be doing something else, travel around the Philippines, start a new home project or write a book. But no…I got hooked and never stopped watching, tweeting and writing.
All I know was I would be in Cebu with my two girls, enjoying the sunny blue skies and festive Sinulog Celebration. It never occurred that I should do a coverage . I blame Tonyo Cruz for asking if Blog Watch was covering the Corona Impeachment trials. When I told him there were no plans, he suggested we should do it to complement traditional media. I thought, “hmm maybe awareness of the impeachment process and being open minded”. I took the challenge.
Instead of the walk to the mountains on January 16, I cuddled up on my comfy bed at my hotel room covering Day 1 to day 4 of the Corona Impeachment trial in the afternoons. In all the 34 trial days, I think I only missed hearing it once. Well, I am not going to talk about the trial but about how it was in those 34 days. (here is Blog Watch Impeachment Watch coverage)
I never imagined myself covering the trial inside the Senate session hall. First of all, the Senate is at least an hour’s drive away. Secondly, I am not after news. Commentaries or features work best with bloggers like me. But I thought watching it in the Senate would give me the pulse of the audience as it goes live.
My first visit was showing my daughter (who was bound for Australia in a week) about the impeachment process. I liked that she was interested in our current affairs. It was also this day when PSBank President Pascual Garcia first testified at the Senate. It felt like watching a movie, filled with suspense as Corona’s account details were announced. I thought I’d hear 100 million pesos or something. It was just 20 million pesos best explained as Defense presents its evidence.
It isn’t a bad idea after all to be at the Senate Impeachment trial . I tried my luck applying for media accreditation. It was the first week of February and it seemed media dwindled inside the session hall. I got it without a problem since Philippine Online Chronicles (Of which I am features editor) issued me a media ID.
In early February , not many bloggers I knew were covering it inside the Senate Impeachment trial. I often came in early so I could get a parking slot. Media room is almost empty just before the trial. I use this when I arrive at 10:00 in the morning.
After the trial the corridor is lined with journalists waiting to interview the senator-judges or the lawyers. I don’t join the frenzy. I’d rather snoop a bit to hear if there is anything interesting.
Cameras line up for a press conference.
I just take a peek at the prosecution press conference.
Aside from being there as it happens , I wanted my own photos in my posts. Too bad I am not allowed to take photos as soon as trial starts. There is pool of photographers allowed to take photos during the session.
Watching the trial became more interesting when Leslie Bocobo and other social media users came regularly at the Senate. There’s nothing like sharing comments while the prosecution or defense asks questions.
Wenchie, another Blog Watch blogger drops by the Senate every now and then. It is good to exchange notes. Not all of us in Blog Watch share the same views. We do agree to hear all sides first before making a conclusion.
When Justice Cuevas came back after two days of rest, I asked how he was and told me he was getting better. I told him people in Twitter were praying he recovered fast. I then requested a photo so I could share it in twitter. He turned around gamely for this shot.
There are times I cannot help but nod off while watching the Corona Trial especially if the voice is in monotone. My coat does not warm me enough from the chilly temperature inside the Senate. I leave the session hall and wait it out at the lounge so I don’t get caught live on TV. Yes, I have been caught live once , frowning on something I read in my Tweet deck.
Cuevas the rock star is the most requested person to have a photo taken with.
Here I queue just to have one with him. I will not pass up my chance.
The sweet Justice Cuevas held my hand tightly as this photo was taken. I was visibly touched as he reached out for my ID tag and asked for my name. I guess because I kept asking him if he felt better.
One of the most confusing things that happen during recess or the trial ends is when prosecution and defense lawyers mingle. I always thought there was a dividing law somewhere in the center between these two groups. At the end of the day, all the lawyers are buddies. It is work after all.
I alternate sitting at the prosecution and defense gallery. When PSBank President Garcia took the witness stand, exasperated sighs could be heard short of saying “reveal the dollar accounts” or “why are you taking so long to reveal the numbers?”. While at the Defense gallery when LRA head Atty. Diaz testified, I chuckled over a comment “Ang computer na ang mag-impeach” to which a twitter user piped in and said “much like the plagiarism where Word was accused for it”.
At the end of every trial, it is a time to unwind , take more photos or just mingle with the people I know. I take the hot seat , imagining what it is like to sit it out there for hours on end.
But Rep. Farinas breaks my fantasy into “real-life” drama as he acts out the part of the prosecution. How funny he is. This could be his FAMAS best actor award.
I pretend to be in the Defense team.
I do the same as I sit in the prosecution desk.
On the last day , I bumped into Roxanne at the gallery. As a balikbayan graduate on vacation, I didn’t know the impeachment trial could be a tourist spot. Another pleasant surprise is she reads this blog. Such a sweet girl, she hugged me because she read my son’s story.
This lovely lawyer is someone close to my sister-in-law (a lawyer herself) so it is easy to talk to her. She also gets a lot of requests for photo ops.
My husband has always been telling me to talk to his friend and fraternity brother Prosecution spokeperson Rep. Miro Quimbo. I thought he was too intimidating so I never bothered. Well one day, I bumped into him at the elevator and introduced myself. Blame it on senior moment, I do not recognize Miro in a suit. He was always in t-shirts back then. Miro told me my husband was his mentor in Law School . Miro and my husband seems to be members of the Mutual Admiration society as they both have good words about each other. It totally escaped my mind that the last time Miro saw me was at the wake of my beloved son in 2000. (I was a recluse for many years) He said I look different now. Perhaps because I have moved on to this new normal. A lot of small talk and laughter as we talked about my dear old husband. He introduced me to Rep Sonny Angara who recognized me as @Momblogger in twitter. Awkward! I think I am quite critical when @sonnyangara tweets.
Talking to Miro made me reflect on how much I have indeed changed from 11 years ago. He saw the difference. How my grief must have evolved to doing something meaningful today. Like I often say, the death of my son gave me the courage to pursue and fight for my goals in life..
So perhaps I was meant to cover the Impeachment trial for a reason. This impeachment trial is a momentous and defining moment in the growth of our democracy. It is a significant opportunity for me to be a part of building on the gains we have made as a democracy.
“In the end, dear friend, it is always between us and God, not between us and them.” Mother Teresa
Pain has been a great teacher. I guess I can relate to pain of others. Losing my precious son, my mother , father and two siblings opens my heart to others in similar pain. Last wednesday , I arranged a meeting with Chief Justice Renato Corona and Blog Watch. Many things have been said about this man. Mostly horrible things. I wanted to know what he was like. CJ Corona does not appear charismatic in his public appearances. Perhaps that should be the case because he is not an elected official. A friend thinks that CJ Corona ” acts and speaks like a chief justice should – with utmost respectability and decorum after all, he is NOT a politician, concerned about “facade” or image.”
Talking to him offered me a glimpse of a mild-mannered man with soft spoken voice, but hurting from the demolition attacks from various interest groups. When asked how he felt from all these attacks, he said
““Nasaktan ang pamilya ko. Tao lang kami. Hindi ito madali. We are just human beings. We were insulted. Nilait kami on TV, on radio, in the papers. We were demonized. We were called names. My wife was demonized and we do not deserve this.”
My heart fell. Here was a man vilified by the Court of Public Opinion. How does he cope?
““Napalapit kami sa Dyos. We used to pray individually. I have become spiritual.”
Prayer was something that they used to do as a family but as the children got older, the practice soon fell through. Their US-based daughter joins the family prayer via Facetime. A priest advised him that to be blessed by God, one must learn to forgive. It must be difficult forgiving those that besmirched your private life and the family.
I believe in prayer. It’s the best way we have to draw strength from God. I also know how it is to turn to God when things are beyond our control. I have been there, helpless with the grief engulfing my life. Lifting the pain to God makes one feel the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders. Turning our worries into prayer works, but we must leave it in God’s lap and refuse to allow it to plague our minds. When things happen to me that are out of our control I try not to worry about it excessively, instead I offer my worries to God and trust that He will make things better for me.
This time around, I see Corona and his family are hurting from all the mud thrown about their private life , ““rather than a process to determine his guilt or innocence based on due process according to the rules of court.”
In those two hours I spent time with him, I was visibly moved with his sincerity that I almost teared. How could these unseen forces judge him when he has yet to present evidence? The horrible things said of Corona will have its day in the Senate Impeachment Court. Innocent until proven guilty. I just do not feel any bad vibes from this man. Now I understand the reasons why employees of the Supreme Court defend their Chief Justice. CJ Corona is highly likable person. I even met his wife , son and eldest daughter before the meeting and were all gracious and easy to talk to.
I am not saying CJ Corona is innocent. Let’s distinguish between Corona the person and Corona , the public servant here. It is not my place to ascertain if he is guilty of the Articles of Impeachment. That is the job of the Senate Impeachment Court.
Whether the Senate Impeachment Court delivers a verdict of acquittal or conviction, CJ Corona will accept it. He said, this is not a decision of men. In the end, he says ““God will decide.”
“What if?” “If only…” and “Why Me?” are words that ring true when faced with unimaginable loss.
A traumatic death shatters the world. It is often a loss that does not make sense. Life is not always fair and that sometimes bad things happen to good people. The sudden death leaves us feeling shaken, unsure and vulnerable. Losing someone you love is not an easy journey. Each one will surely face its own grief journey in their own unique way.
My husband and I watched “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” yesterday because we know it deals about death. Anyone that is faced with devastating loss can relate to lost souls who are in a process of traumatic recovery. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close tells the unflinching story of a boy trying to make sense of the world after his father perishes in 9/11.
After a year of his father’s death from 9/11, eleven year old Oskar ventures to his father’s closet and finds a key in a small brown envelope labeled “Black” within the blue vase. The boy, who shakes a tambourine to calm himself embarks on a “reconnaissance expedition” in which he contacts every single person named Black in New York’s five boroughs. It is not mere trivia Oskar yearns to conquer but inside, it is the quest to find the meaning of life (and death) itself. He goes on a relentless quest to open a lock that he believes will reveal a message from his father that will help him make sense of a senseless world.
While this story is about the unimaginable loss as 9/11, it made me think about my own loss in life…the death of my mother, my two brothers, my precious 6 year old son, then my father. All five family members.
How does one make sense about the death of a loved one? In the process of seeking the answers, the search for meaning of the loss can challenge a survivor’s religious and spiritual beliefs. Survivors are forced to look at and re-evaluate life priorities. I feel the pain of Oskar’s frustration in trying to reconnect with his dead father.
Trying to make sense of or understand sudden losses can be difficult. Survivors are left asking “Why?” “Why did this happen?” Yet events such as the September 11, 2001 tragedy were beyond anyone’s control; they are a sudden, unexplainable loss.
It is human nature to want to answer the question “Why?” yet it may be difficult if not impossible to find an answer. Instead the question “Why?” is more of a plea for meaning and understanding. The thoughts of Rabbi Earl Grollman provide a useful perspective for coping with this difficult question:
Now death has shaken your faith, “Why?” “Why must life be one of sorrow?” “Why?” There are no pat answers. No one completely understands the mystery of death. Even if the question were answered, Would your pain be eased, your loneliness less terrible?
“Why” may be more than a question. It may be an agonizing cry for a heart-breaking loss, an expression of distress, disappointment, bewilderment, alienation, and betrayal. There is no answer that bridges the chasm of irreparable separation. There is no satisfactory response for an unresolvable dilemma. Not all questions have complete answers. Unanswered “Why’s” are part of life. The search may continue but the real question might be “How [do I] pick up the pieces and go on living as meaningful as possible?”
One day, we find out there is no use making sense of death but there is hope in making sense of our life. It is best ask to “What can I do about it now?” “How can I help?” or “How do I pick up the pieces and go on living as meaningful as possible?”
All of these thoughts came back to me as I watched this film. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, the movie is a wonderful and moving story about coping the death of a loved one.
Consider the cold facts of women around the world. Up to 70% of women experience physical and or sexual violence by an intimate partner at some point in their lives. You might ask what is sexual violence?
Sexual violence includes a wide array of non-consensual sexual activities, which may be perpetrated by partners, friends, family, acquaintances, or strangers. Consent is commonly recognized as approval or agreement given without force or coercion. One’s ability to consent is affected by age, disability, self-induced or forced intoxication of alcohol or drugs, and language barriers. Legal minors are unable to consent, as may be others who are incapacitated. Sexual violence victims represent a range of ages, but the focus of this article is adults and adolescents.
Sexual violence may include but is not limited to Sexual Assault, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Sexual Photography or sexual Harassment. I already talked of physical violence against women. This cycle of abuse can be broken if women know how to empower themselves. The law, Republic Act (RA) 9262 Anti-Violence Against Women and Children is not against men. It is against men who treat their women as property.
What is a little known fact is that the Philippines has an anti-sexual harassment law passed in 1995. Too bad it came late because when I used was single and employed, I often heard inappropriate sexual remarks addressed to me. I got my fair share of wolf whistles and leering stares. There were times I wished the floor would just open and swallow me up. It is not a comfortable feeling. And no , it is not flattering.
Oh yes, sexual harassment comes in many forms such as unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, inappropriate sexual comments and any hostile environment (workplace, school, etc.) where sexual joking, viewing of pornography, and/or degrading images are present.
Ramos, a FIFA official who served as commissioner for the friendly, said that the incident happened when she conducted a team check in the Azkals’ locker room prior to the match.
““As I called the players individually so that we could check their accreditation cards and kits, Philippine player LEXTON MOY (no. 25) stood by my right side and said in a loud voice ‘Must be a B cup,’ to which the players laughed loudly,” said Ramos in her letter to the AFC. ““As I was the only female in the room, he was apparently referring to my bra size.”
““Additionally when I checked Philippine player ANGEL GUIRADO (no. 12) he stood in front of me purposely just wearing his briefs and made no attempts to wear shorts or cover his underwear. Again, the players loudly laughed while I was checking this player.”
Senator Pia Cayetano is calling for an investigation “of this incident so this can be put to rest, not only because this is a serious allegation made by Match Commissioner Cristy Ramos, who is a sports official, but also because the Azkals are looked up to by the youth as modern-day heroes and role models” . I bet these men were unaware that their inappropriate sexual comments were against the law. Sexual harassment also applies to all genders and sexual orientation. Look at the following examples.
VERBAL:
Sexual innuendo
Gender specific insults
Suggestive and/or derogatory humour, jokes or comments emphasizing sex, gender-specific traits or sexual orientation
Sexual propositions or invitations
Threats of a sexual nature
Homophobic remarks
Inappropriate or uncalled for comments about one’s body or dress
Persistent unwanted contact after the end of a consensual relationship
NON-VERBAL/NON-CONTACT:
Suggestive staring or leering
Suggestive and/or derogatory sounds or gestures emphasizing sex or sexual orientation
Inappropriate displays or distribution of sexually suggestive and/or derogatory pictures, objects, writing or graffiti, including electronic and hard copy forms
Unauthorized distribution of sexually-explicit material involving specific individuals
Persistent unwanted contact after the end of a consensual relationship
Stalking
PHYSICAL CONTACT:
Unnecessary or unwanted physical contact of a sexual nature such as patting, touching, pinching or brushing against a person’s body
Persistent unwanted physical contact after the end of a consensual relationship
Sexual harassment is NOT about interactions between consenting adults, mutual attraction or flirtation , consensual relationships and expressions of affection between friends.
It does not mean sexuality or sexual issues may never be discussed in a work or study area or that they cannot be areas of legitimate academic inquiry. Discussions of scholarly research on sexuality in the classroom, for example, would not normally constitute sexual harassment. Of course when the discussion of sexuality veers towards inappropriate in content or presentation style to the setting or the individuals involved, this might create a situation in which sexual harassment may happen.
Cristy Ramos and I are about the same age. I would feel very offended, like any woman would be if that happened to me. So what if you are a handsome man? or an Azkal team member! It is not a comfortable feeling. I bet some men do not want to be sexually harassed too.
However, sexual harassment is most often directed towards women and can sometimes lead to violence. Since it is Women’s month in March, I dedicate this entry to all the women in the world. Help us stop violence against women.
A total of 982 examinees passed the 2010 Bar examinations. Passing Percentage is 72.5%. The passing rate for 2010 is the second lowest in the past decade – next only to 2002 when only 19.68 percent passed the Bar exam. The Supreme Court added that a total of 4,847 examinees finished taking the tests in all 8 law subjects. Read More →
Muslim is such a stereotype. It is basically the default race when people think of terrorism. Think 911. Islam is actually a very peaceful religion.It was against the bleak backdrop that eventually led to some peace loving Muslims to restore the image of Islam into the gentle , compassionate and forbearing religion that is to respect for a religion that was once celebrated for its contribution to progress and social development.
The Islamic Fashion Festival (IFF) was conceptualised and launched in 2006 with an overall objective is to win the hearts and minds of Muslims and non-Muslims alike to not hate or reject and see Islam as restrictive and uncompromising. Its aim: ““To build an updated visual and cultural reference from which Islam can be related to the modern world through the creative arena of fashion divorced from political, economic and social strife”.
H.E. Datin Seri Dato’ Zainab Abdul Kader (Photo via Jane Uymatiao)
I was fortunate to watch a preview of the Islamic Fashion Festival held at the Hotel Intercontinental upon the invitation of Dato Seri Dr. Ibrahim Saad (Ambassador of Malaysia to the Philippines) and H.E. Datin Seri Dato’ Zainab Abdul Kader (Spouse of the Ambassador of Malaysia to the Philippines). Being a witness to its fresh and artful style that breaks the myth of an outdated and ill-adapted faith is just a breath of fresh air from the usual mundane fashion shows.
I have never felt hate or fear towards my Muslim brothers despite all the news. There has always been that deep admiration towards the inherent beauty and diversity of Islamic fashion and culture. In fact, when the occasion called for me to wear a Filipiniana dress at the Malacanang Palace and the State of the Nation Address, I chose a Muslim attire. I love warm colors, the embroidery and the patterns.
The IFF tagline, ““Discover the Beauty of Modesty”, invites the audience to get to know, understand and appreciate the call for women to cover up in Islam. The strategic intent is neither to preach nor convert but rather, to deliver the simple message that there is beauty in covering up at every level of modesty from slight to full.
Creative expression and interpretation among the designers exemplified the versatility and viability of dynamic Islamic fashion. Let me show you some of the fashion collections of top Kuala Lumpur designers Dato’ Tam Abang Saufi and Melinda Looi and Bali-based Milo Migliavacca referred to as ““The Original Prince of Batik Couture” together with the designs of their Filipino counterparts, JC Buendia, Jun Escario and Veejay Floresca. Jane shows a more extensive write-up of the collections of 7 designers
While the fashion showcases modesty, the IFF also subscribes to promoting moderation in Islam, best summarised by the Prime Minister of Malaysia, the Rt. Hon. Dato’ Sri Mohd. Najib Tun Abdul Razak:
I therefore urge us to embark on building a ““Global Movement of the Moderates” from all faiths who are committed to work together to combat and marginalize extremists who have held the world hostage with their bigotry and bias. We must, and I repeat, we must urgently reclaim the centre and the moral high ground that has been usurped from us. We must choose moderation over extremism. We must choose negotiations over confrontation. We must choose to work together and not against each other. And we must give this effort utmost priority for time is not on our side.” – (Excerpts from speech at the General Debate of the 65th Session of the United Nations General Assembly, New York, United States of America on 27th September, 2010)
It is quite interesting to see that the IFF is not just about fashion but promoting moderation in Islam and learning to appreciate its culture through the beauty of its culture and people.
How right he is. By focusing attention on its kaleidoscopic beauty, the message of Islam can be de-politicised and imbued with a gentler identity.
This brilliant multicultural tapestry of the Islamic diaspora needs to be shared with the international community to break down the negative Muslim stereotype.
Such gentle approach to the message of the beauty and gentleness of Islam through fashion. To see and experience the vibrancy of Islam is affirming my love for my Muslim brothers and sisters here and abroad.
Oh as an added bonus, Stephen Rahman Hughes crooned to everyone’s delight.
The journey continues. The Islamic Fashion Festival moves on to other countries as it brings together different ideas through its multi-religious and multi-cultural participants. Indeed, the Islamic Fashion Festival will provide a channel for meaningful exchange in celebration of the beauty in diversity.
Looks like a few readers are interested in the upcoming, unwritten book on “
Student Council Alliance of the Philippines (Scap) believes that STC’s Student Handbook violates students’ rights and the Constitution.
What is a little known fact is that the Philippines has an 
