A Daughter’s Crush and Fears

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At the iblog 3 Summit, my daughter who was seated beside me whispered “mom, I’m beginning to like *blogger’s name*. He’s cute.”

Surprise! Surprise! Okay, I was surprised at two things :

1. Wow, she’s starting to confide again.
2. I didn’t realize *blogger’s name* is her type.

I turned towards the direction of my daughter’s affection and giggled at her ear “oh yes, I agree. he’s handsome but I didn’t know you liked him. He seems like a nice guy but..I don’t really know him that well. ”

“do you think he likes me?” she caught my wrist, motioning me to keep my voice down.

I shrugged “now why would I have that information? if *blogger’s name* liked you, why in the world would he ever tell me? I’d be the last person he’d confide to. ”

“He’s cute” she continues to gush.

***A few hours later***

She whined “Mom, I don’t think I have a chance with *blogger’s name* . I don’t think he likes me. He didn’t seem interested in a conversation”

“Don’t worry. Men can be clueless. Just be friends for now. Who knows what will happen?” I adviced her.

“Mom, I think he might be afraid of you”

“Now why would he be scared of me? If he has bad intentions, then he ‘d better be scared of me. I bite.”

I don’t blame her for thinking that way. Old feelings probably came rushing on to her.

I had the “NO BOYFRIEND TILL YOU ARE 18” rule. My daughters knew of this rule since they turned 13. I think it stemmed from my own upbringing. My parents instilled the same rule. Butch warned me that Lauren will have boyfriends like his sisters did when they were in high school. I assured my husband “Don’t worry. They won’t have any boyfriends”. So I thought Lauren would be like me , immune to guys. Despite the rule, I allowed my daughters to attend parties, hangout at the mall or receive phone calls from guys. I felt I wasn’t too restrictive despite the rule.

One day, I found out that 14 year old Lauren already had a boyfriend after the mother of the boy called me up. She wanted parental supervision. I flatly refused.

Being a control-freak mother at that time “NO OFFENSE ON YOUR SON, LAUREN CAN’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND.” My voice sounded a notch higher than usual.

That whole summer, she was grounded.

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iblog 3: Personal Blogging Success

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iblog 3A few bloggers like Abe and Anton shared their blogging success to the participants of the iblog 3 on its second day. My talk on the first day was “Personal Blogging Success” ( download the powerpoint of the My Personal Blogging Success Story). But how is blog success really measured? In terms of metrics, I am just average compared to Abe and Anton. What about blog goals? Definitely yes! The primary goal of my blog is to promote “grief support in the Philippines” so others may find solace or comfort in their grief journey. Success is measured on the number of inquiries and members in The Compassionate Friends and in Cathy’s advocacy, Grief Share. Like I mentioned in the summit, the rest is just “icing on the cake”.

Ambivalent feelings rushed over me as I prepared for this talk. I think it had to do with “survivor guilt”. Yes it still hits me sometimes. Guilt. When I feel the fullness and joy of life, I feel guilty that my loved ones are not here today. I felt sadness wash over me knowing that this blog would not have existed if my son died. I wanted my dad to hear me speak in public. Dad is my idol when it comes to public speaking. It’s the reason I always put Lardizabal-Dado in my name. These fleeting moments of sadness pass as I realize that the pain has turned into wonderful blessings. It is still hard for me to say I lost my son in public without tearing. And then the guilt hit me again as I stood on the podium. I sounded so bland in my talk. I had to get my bearings so I wouldn’t bring the summit into a tearful activity. I kept saying to myself Be present to this day…this day which is precious in itself and different from any other day I have had or will have

Life is full of wonder and love and I embrace every new person I met in the [tag]iblog 3 summit[/tag]. If I forgot to mention you, blame it on my fragile brain cells.

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Twitter Updates for 2007-04-13

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  • Am in the front row of the 3rd Iblog Summit. I had a hard time getting a wifi connection. Not many people inside yet. The place is huge. #
  • iblog 3 hasn’t started and it’s 9:18 am already. I see a lot of new bloggers Iin the audience that I haven’t met yet. That’s great. #
  • great we start in 5 minutes. Chris Haravata and Apples are to my left and a nervous Lauren is to my right. #
  • iblog3 just started with an invocation and the National Anthem. #
  • Chris Harvata talks about Blogging 101. Interesting to note that there is a 60 year old man and a 13 year old boy in the audience. #
  • Gmail is blocked by UP servers? even Adium! argh. Looking at the blogging demographics, my age group (>40 years old) is in the 1.7% #
  • Lauren is next. She is so nervous. I wish her luck. I will record her talk via garageband. First time to use garageband, can you believe it? #
  • Lauren’s topic is the Do’s and Don’ts of Personal Blogging. #
  • Lauren doesn’t look nervous to me. #
  • Iblog3 is on a break. Lauren’s talk was great. So many question.I will be the next speaker on Personal Blogging Success Story. #
  • finally met Dine (sexymom) who is so charming. Her photos don’t do her justice, Jangelo. And met Julie too. Haven’t met other bloggers yet. #
  • My talk ended. Now listening to “unlocking your creative potential” #
  • I am home now because I need to access my gmail. Wifi here sucks. My batteries died too.I will be back mid-afternoon after I finish my work. #
  • I meant wifi at the Iblog3 event blocks certain sites because of the proxy server. #
  • I went back to iblog 3. Around 100 in the audience. #
  • Lauren and I will attend the socials. The last speaker is talking about ethics. #
  • Just arrived from Iblog Socials. #
  • @aileen- nervous? You are going to do just fine.
    @sonnie- you are a sweet dad. #
  • i woke up to the google alert sound and was surprised to see an IM from annamanila. I should get up now. #

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First Day at Iblog 3- Blogging for Newbies

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laurentalk.jpgAll day yesterday, Lauren complained how she was nervous over her topic “Do’s and Don’ts of Personal Blogging for Iblog 3 Summit because it would be her first public speaking engagment. I told her not to worry and just be herself as if she were just blogging. True to form, she captured her audience with her wit and charm.Listen to Lauren’s Podcast and judge for yourself. Her powerpoint can also be downloaded as you listen to her podcast. (Warning to sensitive readers: May contain Offensive language in the Podcast Intro)

In answer to the question if I read her blog. I know Lauren has a private blog since she entered college which I don’t bother to find out but I read her public blog. Recently , I was asked if I cringe over the cuss words that she uses. Her blog is her way of expression and for me to censor it is just not right. She limits or avoids cuss words in front of us. I don’t curse myself but her dad does. So how can I tell my own daughter not to say words when her own father does it?

And I finally met Dine!

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Twitter Updates for 2007-04-12

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  • I am convincing sexymom to twit here. Ahh finally I see her entry. #
  • @sonnie- one of my highest organic searches is the “sex education in the Philippines” entry. Keyword “sex” ranks high in google image search #
  • @sexy mom -Fan dry your laptop, hurry.
    @manilenya- magandang umaga or tanghali na ba?
    Ugh my powerpoint iblog 3 edit work is gone #
  • Lauren and I are going to the gym. Workout time. Be back by 12? #
  • just arrived from gym then lost all that workout after eating carbonara and siopao. M’s pissed that online reg in UP isn’t working. #
  • now to finish my powerpoint which got erased. Lauren wants to use my nifty keynote tool but it expired. Boo. #
  • @sexymom- M is going back to UP tomorrow 8 AM. I’m having a pedicure home service at my bedroom while I continue my work. #
  • my colds are still bothering me. Still working on my powerpoint presentation for iblog 3. Then I’ll email it to Janette Toral. #
  • @sexymom- i hate the taste of brandy. I’ll just rest. Am done with my powerpoint.AH I see Lauren twittering. #
  • Just came from Gail to get the calling cards that Lauren and I ordered from her. So colorful and pretty. Mine is my blog’s blue theme. #
  • setting my alarm to 5:30am. Iblog3 tomorrow. Good night World. #
  • Good morning. Am leaving for UP at 730am. I have to drop M for her UP registration. Lauren and I will have breakfast somewhere in Katipunan. #

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Sugar Free Desserts at SugarNot!

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chocolate cakeTaking snacks and desserts can be quite a challenge for diabetics like me. Our body screams ““sweetness”. We can only stare and drool at that mouth-watering chocolate cake or blueberry pie on the party table. It disappoints me that not many coffee shops carry sugar free desserts or low carb, low fat dishes. I often chastise high-end coffee shops to place these healthy dishes on their menu. After all, their market includes the health – conscious who watch their carbohydrate and sugar intake. So when Blooey invited me to try SugarNot!, I couldn’t help but say ““YES”.

continue reading , Sugarnot! Sugar Free, Low Fat, Low Carb entry at my Pinoy Food Photo Blog.

Mini Blogging via Twitter

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I poked Sexy Mom via Google Talk early this morning to start using her Twitter. You’ve probably seen a few of my trivial Twitter Updates (using the wordpress plugin, twitter tools) and my Twitter badge on the right sidebar of this blog. Twitter is an update service or similar to a social networking site that lets you ““micro-blog” or write short (140 characters) quips on what you’re currently doing. It’s a nifty tool for people like me who work most of the time on the internet. All twitter.com does is ask: “What are you doing?” What I like about Twitter is that I can write the most irrelevant and mundane things without worrying if it’s blog-worthy or not. In short, Twitter is a mini-blogging tool. JAngelo wrote that someone said it can replace full-fledged blogging.

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Twitter Updates for 2007-04-11

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  • Lauren isn’t up yet and she should be preparing for her housewarming party menu. Waiting for M’s text on her Manila arrival from Baguio. #
  • Am back from gym. Lauren panics as she has to submit her MA Creative Writing requirements next week at UP. And she’s leaving for Singapore! #
  • I am going to Ateneo so Lauren can request a transcript and recommendation letter. #
  • Lauren’s friends are in her room. Seems like her housewarming party will start early. I will check the food now. #
  • Never really turned the airconditioning system that went with this house until today because of Lauren’s visitors. Need my curtains now. #
  • I feel like I’m IN a rock concert. #
  • I love that the previous owners of this house left behind their airconditioning system. It does come in handy when one has guests. #
  • watching American Idol. It’s Latin night. #
  • Lauren housewarming party is over. Isn’t she glad that she lives near Eastwood? They moved over there. Now just waiting for Butch. #
  • i still have a bad cold. I hope I get well in time for Iblog 3 summit #
  • i woke up because of sneezing spells. Butch had to sleep in the other room so now I am by lonesome self. #
  • I had to drop M at the UP campus. Summer class registration starts today. Why would she want to take 9 units for summer? #
  • My online work always starts at 7:00 AM after breakfast. Then I work 4 hours straight then leave for gym. #

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Kids’ Special Geek Squad Agent

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When there was only one computer in the house , shared by all of the family members, the computer virus eluded us. That’s because I am such an obsessive compulsive over any files invading my computer. The last time I encountered a computer virus was in 1993 (1994) due to my husband’s files from the law office. The kids know that a virus can crash the PC so at an early age, they learned to be careful. A crashed computer means no computer.

Now I don’t know why M of all people brought in a virus from the UP Psych lab. She’s quite fastidious when it comes to her computer. At first, she complained that the wifi in her dad’s laptop kept shutting down. Then when she brought her PC from the dorm , the black box exhibited the same symptons as the IBM thinkpad,

*ding ding* my mind raced. “It’s a virus”

“Mom can you fix it?”

Downloading the latest AVG proved futile. The explorer crashes as you click it. Even using online virus check crashes the browser. Any word with AVG or virus causes the computer to crash. Strange virus indeed. She can’t even view her blog entry on that weird virus.

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