change for the better
A year ago, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer posed an interesting status message on his Facebook wall.

Forget about those New Year’s resolutions in which you decide on the first day of January how you will be conducting your life for the next twelve months. Instead, set up day-to-day goals for yourself, and then resolve to begin living with present moment awareness for the rest of your life. When you get good at living your present moments one day at a time, you’ll see yourself changing right before your own surprised eyes. Remember, anyone can do anything for just one day, so tune out the sentences that keep you locked into your old self-defeating ways and begin to enjoy each day of your bright new year.

What are some things you’ve wanted to do for yourself, one day at a time.

I’ve always been a firm believer of one day at a time or a baby step at a time especially during the times of my deepest sorrow. It worked. Every day that I moved on to something “normal” felt like an accomplishment. I resolve NOT to list down New Year’s resolutions and instead, do those little things I have ignored or shelved aside the past year and continue those activities or nurture attitudes that improve my life.

It is my resolve to change for the better in 2013. Many of us want to do the same and one can take inspiration from taglines of ““change for the better with Krem-Top” and “mas masarap na pagbabago sa 2013 with KremTop” or even quotable quotes. Tahj Mowry advice is ““ Don’t think that things can’t change. Things can change for the better in an instant. Keep believing, keep standing, & keep hoping.”

krem-top change for the better

Every new day..is a chance to change your life.

These are just some of my day-to-day goals that can happen anytime of the week, month or the year 2013

1. Improve writing skills.

Attend a writing seminar at Writers’ Block Philippines or finish those “How to” book on creative writing.

2. Learn public speaking and Tagalog

I am often invited to speak as a resource person and I often decline for either of these two reasons: (1) I can’t speak Tagalog fluently or (2) I don’t know how to convey my thoughts into a speech. I may need to teach myself or ask outside help.

3. Lose those 5 pounds. Exercise more. Be disciplined in portion control.

Since my USA trip in November 2010, I have not lost the 5 pounds that I have gained. Well, the good news is that I have not gained the past year. I will resolve to go to the gym at least five times a week.

4. Explore the Philippines.

This year was about travelling to new places in the Philippines like Davao, Naga City, Kalibo and Batanes . I want to promote the various places in the Philippines by travelling to those provinces that I have not visited.

5. Learn to take more videos for my blog entries.

Youtube is the number one social media. Delivering a message is best if I tap this medium.

6. Try to earn more.

I am passionate about doing meaningful work that I tend to neglect avenues for income opportunities. For me to continue my advocacy, I need to be be self-reliant.

7. Continue to develop emerging media

Emerging media is the evolution of utilizing technology to share information in new and innovative ways. I value my independence as a blogger and will continue to hone my knowledge and skills.

8. Inspire more change makers

Jay Jaboneta in his first blog entry for 2012 inspire more change makers where he states that

the ultimate goals of leadership are two-pronged: influence and reproduction. Success without succession is a failure. Success without inspiring others to do the same is also a failure.

I don’t have a grassroots movement to change the world like Jay but perhaps, I can inspire younger bloggers (like Anna Oposa) to be change makers by using Blog Watch as a start.

9. Continue to nurture old and new friendships

Busy schedules should never be in the way to nurture friendships. I have two groups of friends who resolve to meet up for birthday clubs every quarter. Perhaps , meet up more just for coffee breaks.

10. Continue to affirm myself.

I often read daily affirmations in the past to help me in my recovery (grief journey). But as I know it, recovery is a work in progress.

This is one beautiful meditation from Louise Hay that quite applies to me.

In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. My life is ever new. Each moment of my life is new and fresh and vital. I use my affirmative thinking to create exactly what I want. This is a new day. I am a new me. I think differently. I speak differently. I act differently. Others treat me differently. My new world is a reflection of my new thinking. It is a joy and a delight to plant new seeds, for I know these seeds will become new experiences. All is well in my world.

12. Live a life of gratitude.

It took some time to be in a state of gratitude but I managed to do so for everything that shows up in my life. I am thankful for the “typhoons” as well as the smooth sailing. There is a lesson or gift in each of these experiences.

I try to find joy not in what’s missing in my life but in how I can serve.

What about you? What are some things that you want to change for the better? Share with your friends by logging on to changeforthebetter.ph.

batanes hedge rows1

Change for the better Photo via depositphotos.com

dado family 2012

What better way to spend Christmas than be with family and sibling.

If I could give each of you a gift I’d like to give you the gift of peace, as much peace as you can possibly find. If you find your situation is less than ideal, I hope you take what’s good and let go of the rest.

Enjoy and cherish the rest of the Christmas season.

Here is our Christmas day in a Photo Video:

If you can’t view the video, just watch it in youtube:

Merry Christmas to all. Happy Holidays to all my readers.

Christmas lights bring out that warm fuzzy feeling that glows inside for the entire season. Childhood memories of twinkling lights along with Christmas carols are enough to lift my mood. Even during the darkest moment in my life when I lost my son, the fond memories brought joy in my heart.  It is my wish that others who feel sad, lonely and blue can find the joy of the season.  According to Ruth Carter Stapleton, ““ Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most.”

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I love it when anyone tries to lift spirits up for the Christmas season especially for the poor and less fortunate Filipinos.

Take for example One Meralco Foundation, Maliwanag ang Pasko(MAP) tie up with the Department of Tourism (DOT). Both are making Christmas brighter and more fun by energizing island schools and creating more Liwanag Parks .

DOT Secretary  Mon Jimenez explains that    “the creation of Liwanag parks will bring our people together, making the Christmas spirit stronger as we approach the actual day. And yes, it is a vision that can only be made through collaborative efforts. This  newfound partnership, therefore, is one perfect example that hinges on private-public partnership. This time, it is focused on the business of giving glory, where both parties work with their strength to create something bigger than themselves, reflecting the true spirit of Christmas,”

How to be part of the Maliwanag ang Pasko

Maliwanag ang Pasko  (MAP) has been around since 2006 and  it   promises to be bigger and brighter this year and they want you , my dear readers to be part of it. By joining the program, you could be one of two daily winners of P5,000 from December 1-22, 2012. At the same time, your support will help them energize island schools in Palawan, Bohol, Quezon and the Dinagat Islands, to help bring Christmas cheer to more children and communities around the country.

dinagat islands
New Nazareth NHS, Basilisa, Dinagat Islands

Imagine how your help can benefit the beneficiaries of the Maliwanag Ang Pasko program:

1. Cagbalete Island National High School (Mauban, Quezon)
2. Cagsi-ay III National High School (Mauban, Quezon)
3. San Fernando National High School (El Nido/Bacuit, Palawan)
4. Teneguiban National High School (El Nido, Palawan)
5. Gaudencio Abordo (Bulawit) National High School (Linapacan Island, Palawan)
6. Pandanon National High School (Jetafe, Bohol)
7. Cabul-An National High Shool (Buenavista, Bohol)
8. Rizal National High School (Basilisa, Dinagat Islands)
9. Cab-Ilan National High School (Dinagat Islands)
10. New Nazareth National High School (Dinagat Islands)

Join now by following these easy steps:

1. Like the Meralco Facebook Page on facebook.com/meralco

2. Install the Maliwanag ang Pasko app at apps.facebook.com/maliwanagangpasko

3. Take a photo of your home decorated brightly with Christmas lights or take a picture when you visit one of the Liwanag Parks, either here at Meralco or in one of the participating LGU areas

4. Fill out your details on the app and submit the photo

“Nobody is left behind when our bright tomorrow comes,” says MAP Program Head Jeffrey Tarayao

As Christmas blessings brighten our world, let’s help brighten others. I am sure  the school beneficiaries will  go back and remember these warm childhood memories of a brighter and  fun Christmas.

maliwanag park

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For many years, my family greeted the Christmas season with great joy and heavy despair. Every Christmas without my son, I sensed my husband saying “I’m not ready yet….”I’m not ready for the annual flood of memories without Luijoe. “ Butch dreaded the sight of the cheerful Christmas decorations especially Santa Claus. I wasn’t ready either but I had two surviving children who wanted to celebrate Christmas. They experienced many magical Christmas memories so my daughter once wrote in a Christmas greeting card. How could I take that away from them? I tried to figure out how to handle the holidays I’m never going to be ready for in places I may never be settled in. I thought…as long as we have the stockings up and Christmas tree and cookies ready, then let the holidays come!

gingerbread garland

I decorated our new home (our new normal?) with the treasures that speak of our Christmas history, finding joy in the memories they sparked. As I caressed Luijoe’s stockings on my cheeks , the flood of memories spill out. It was even more stressful during the first Christmas without my son. I wasn’t ready for the clutch of pain that wrapped my heart in grief as I placed the ornaments on our tree. Oh yes, I have learned through the years. I brought some of the old, added a few pieces of new and practiced the art of blending yesterday with today in hopes of creating another memory for tomorrow. That’s how the “Christmas Angels theme” evolved in our home, in honor of our own angel, Luijoe.

christmas-tree

I created two color themes for our Christmas decors, the traditional red and green for the informal family den and burgundy, purple and silver theme in the formal living area. Maybe I just wanted to be creative and innovated for the sake of my new normal , my new life without my son. I never got the chance to be in total despair because I baked Christmas goodies like sugar cookies , food for the gods, fruit cake and the Gingerbread man cookies. I started the Christmas Angel themes as a symbol that Luijoe is not far from home, that he lives with us. Joyful activities like baking and decorating proved therapeutic as it evoked feelings of love for my children. I continued to survive because of that love. The spicy aroma of cinnamon, nutmeg and mace that wafted our house brought warm childhood memories. Blending this old tradition with new tradition helped me cope with grief during the holidays.

I notice the difference in my husband’s grief during the holidays. Butch is more cheerful. There are less tears yet I know the pain is still there. The heart never forgets, even when the world does. It looks like we’re getting better, improving either with time and patience. Or maybe because it is simply becoming a thread in the continuing fabric of our new normal. The fact that Butch bought Christmas Lanterns is a huge step in the grief journey during the dreaded holidays.

The change in mood happened six years ago. It came as a surprise when my husband wanted to go to Divisoria. I asked “what will we do there?”

His reply “buy ribbons”. I raised my eyebrows. We have never been to Divisoria together in the longest time. . Then he added “I noticed you are running out of red and green ribbons” . Wow, he noticed these minute details when in the past he was oblivious to anything that glittered in the household. I believe I learned to be more creative because of the artistic streak from my husband. He wanted me to have my usual supply of beautiful, color-coordinated ribbons to adorn our Christmas presents and cookie baskets. (Remember I have two sets of Christmas color themes?)

christmasdecorations

I look forward to the holiday season more than ever. I smile and sigh that finally my husband is able to handle the holidays a little bit better. I gather in my blessings and count them all. I count the blessings of the most important people in my life and I find the peace that comes with counting a holiday of joy remembered and love shared. Love never dies, and the light always shines in our hearts and home.

christmas family 2011

Other Articles on Coping with Grief during the Holidays
Handling the Holidays
How To Help Yourself Through The Holidays
Do I Celebrate the Holidays or Not?

Gingerbread ManOnce upon a Christmas season, a mother baked Gingerbread Men cookies to the delight of her three children who eagerly waited for the cookies to bake. The waft of molasses, cinnamon and spices excited them. “We’re hungry, mom!”. The mother told them to be patient and promised to read them the Story of the Gingerbread Man as soon as the cookies were baked.

She got three cookies and laid them on a platter.

“Can we eat the Gingerbread Man now?” The children tugged at their mom’s apron.

“Let’s read the Gingerbread Man story first so you know the legend…” the mother said and left the platter of cookies on the table. The three children and the mother huddled around the Christmas tree as she began to read…

Once upon a time a little old woman and a little old man lived in a cottage………
The little old woman and little old man were very hungry and wanted to eat the gingerbread man. As soon as he was cooked, the little old woman opened the oven door. The gingerbread man jumped out of the tin and ran out of the open window shouting, ‘Don’t eat me!’……..

The mother continued on until the end where the fox ate the Gingerbread Man.

“Did you like the story?”

“It’s sad that the fox ate the Gingerbread Man in the end. Can we now eat the Gingerbread Man Cookies? We’re not like the sly fox.” The children discussed among themselves.

“Sure…get your cookies on the plate.”

The three children turned to the platter…”Mom, look… the Gingerbread Man jumped out of the plate. He’s gone. ”

The mom looked surprised “Maybe he ran away… Let’s look for the Gingerbread Man”

The three children looked all over the house until each of them found their Gingerbread Man hidden in their toy chest.

The kids beamed with laughter “Silly Gingerbread Man. The fox will eat you anyway. Don’t run away now.”

And so this mother carried this tradition until the kids were older and wiser to know that the Gingerbread Man didn’t really ran away. By now you know I was that crazy mother. Hehe.

I instructed the kid’s yaya to hide it discreetly while I read the story to my three children.

For the past 20 or so years, I bake Gingerbread Man Cookies only because my crazy tale and the warm fuzzy feeling of christmas memories give my two older girls some comfort. The holidays are a wonderful time to fill my home with the aroma and fragrance of Christmas through baking Gingerbread Man and Christmas cookies. I ‘ve baked all sorts of Christmas goodies like Lemon Squares, Fruit Cake, Brandy Cake, Apple Pie, and other bar cookies but the demand of Gingerbread Man cookies are high on the list.

Though I don’t read the Gingerbread Man story anymore, I hang the cookies up on the garlands of our kitchen and dining area. The kids share the cookies to their close friends and they often say that they have never tasted a Gingerbread Man cookie.

Sure there are a few Gingerbread Man sold in other bakeshops. I bought the Gingerbread Man cookie in other bake shops but it tasted mostly of flour. Maybe because it’s not that easy to bake Gingerbread Man cookies . Our tropical climate makes the dough difficult to handle. Constant chilling is needed. Baking at the right temperature is tricky. If underbaked, the cookie crumbles easily. If overbaked, the cookie taste burnt and bitter. Still, I am sharing my Gingerbread Man Cookie recipe and the story for all to enjoy.

According to my girls, it’s the baking of the Gingerbread Man Cookies that evokes childhood memories of Christmas.


Communities across the globe are joining in The Compassionate Friends on its 16th Annual Worldwide Candle Lighting on December 9, 2012.


16th Worldwide Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting
 Where: Kiosk area of the Church of the Risen Lord,
 Laurel Avenue, UP Campus, QC
 Map : Check this google map:http://goo.gl/maps/fXzmQ
 When Date: Sunday , December 9, 2012
Time: 5:00 to 8:00 PM
Contact me here.

Here is a simple memorial which you can do at home with four candles.


Memory Candles


Read More →

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Halloween Trick or Treat is a tradition that my husband started in our family. As a kid, I never grew up in the Halloween tradition of the Western world but hubby did. Halloween Celebration through the years is a memory that my kids treasure because of the yummy treats and magical costumes. Though my kids are all adults now, I still decorate my home with Halloween themes without fail. I even got to join trick or treat in San Francisco when I visited my sister two years ago.

halloween-trick-or-treat4

It gives me joy to see that this tradition gives kids the chance to help others through the Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF project. What started out more than 60 years ago to help children abroad during World War II has evolved into a revolution driven by kids. Thanks to this project, kids all over the world receive the help they need for happy and healthy lives.

There are many ways to help.

1. You can order Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF boxes today!

Collect donations for UNICEF in your box by going trick-or-treating or by raising funds in your own unique way. The money you raise will help UNICEF provide clean water, nutrition, education and more to millions of kids in need around the world.

A brand new cast of characters are featured on Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF collection boxes. Meet Frank, Count Change-ula, Lady Pennyworth, Bertha DeBroom, Shadow, and Patches!

2. Trick-or-Treat Online

You can also create your own fundraising webpage and share on Facebook or Twitter or email friends and family to make donations and get the ball rolling! Get started here.

3. Create-a-Character Contest

Design and submit your own Halloween character for a chance to be part of Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF’s 2013 limited edition collection.

One winner from each age category (children 4–8 years , 9–12 years, 13 years and older) will be chosen and announced on Halloween, Oct. 31. You should order your fundraising kits while supplies last. The contest runs from September 1 through October 26.


Remember there are so many ways to help

  • Read the stories of boys and girls whose lives you are helping improve

It is true that for as long as we are kids (even at heart), we will be helping other children in need. Be a part of the past, present and future by participating in Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF!

Disclosure: I wrote this post as part of the causes of the Global Team of 200, a highly specialized group of members of Mom Bloggers for Social Good that concentrates on issues involving women and girls, children, world hunger and maternal health.

Luijoe is 19 years old today. I still cry , tear, smile as I recall the day of his birth. My handsome boy, oh what would have he looked like at 19 years old? Someone once told me that there is a software that can give a photo of what Luijoe might look like today. I heard it is really expensive.

It is a fleeting thought because all I can remember is my impish six year old boy Luijoe with a twinkle in his eyes. My thoughts linger now. He would have been in second year college. I bet he would drive me to places. Maybe he would have introduced me to his girl friend? Would he still be so attached to his mama?

Do you sometimes feel that you want to rewind and freeze a moment in time? When I look at his last birthday photos, I just want to hold on and savor that precious moment.

Every year , I celebrate the birthday of my beautiful boy to remind me that love never dies. The celebration of his life reminds me that there is a connection between us. Sure, the physical ties are now broken . In its place lies a spiritual connection that goes beyond the mortal world. I am thankful for the six short years. I would not be where I am today if I did not find the courage to start a new life. The single most powerful factor in starting my new normal has been the realization that death did not take all of my child.

During his last birthday in 1999, we celebrated it twice: at school and another at home . Such happy and poignant memories. (I wrote more about his last birthday celebration here) I know the time will come when we will be together in the house he promised to build for me. He used to point to this blue and white house as I drove him to school and say “I will build you a house like that”. I know this is not going to happen here in this mortal world. While I live, I will continue on the mission that my son has left for me to accomplish.

Today, I will prepare Fiesta Ham and some noodle dish. Then my husband and I will visit his resting place, and bring him some flowers. (I will update this towards the end of the day)

It’s been so long ago . I never realized that I now became a resource person for grief recovery. Here are some of the interviews that I managed to record since I blogged here.. 2008 was the year I had the most number of interviews .

November 8, 2008 in Mom Works

A Mom’s the Word Feature in Mom Works hosted by Maricel Laxa at the Lifestyle channel shown November 7, 8 and 9.

July 2008 – QTV Sweet Life on The Child’s Grief

May 2, 2008 – Proudly Filipina with Charlene Gonzales

April 26, 2008 at Kapuso Mo Jessica Soho

A tribute to my son

Listen

If you want to hear my audio blog and radio show, here is the schedule.

1. Through Bubbly : Subscribe through your Globe. Dial the short code **8828 . You will hear a voice prompt telling you to press 1 to subscribe.

2. Through DZIQ 990 : Every Saturday 8:00 to 9:00 AM on AM radio DZIQ 990. Or follow on Twitter @dziq990. There is also livestreaming at dziq.am for those outside the country.

So I turned 55 years old last week with a bang! Who would think I’d embark on something so totally alien? Change can be disconcerting. Nothing endures but change.

What if I am a failure? What if it won’t work out? What if ? What if? See, I realized the key to change… is to let go of fear. It was the same feeling I got when I entered into blogging in 2006. What if no one reads me? What if? what if?

So many questions hounding me as I embark into the audio world: An audio blog at bubbly.net and as a co-host at Ratsada Inquirer at DZIQ 990 on your AM dial.

Bubbly.net

I first tried out Bubbly last month to add to my social media tools. Bubblyâ„¢ is a social messaging service where people share SMS and voice updates with friends, family, fans and followers. Think of Bubbly like ‘Twitter with a voice’ . It brings social networking to mobile phones. I first tried it out for fun because I think there are times when I won’t be able to post on twitter.

One day, I got a call from the Philippines Bubbly representative inviting me to be one of their premium celebrities along with Anton Diaz and Bo Sanchez to name a few.

This is how the app looks on your phone:

Bubbly is cool. At most you can listen to 90 seconds of update. It is neither too long nor too short.

How to listen to my Bubbly audio updates:

1. You can download the app through your iPhone or Android phone. Rates apply if you subscribe to my daily updates.

2. To subscribe to your Globe Phone, just dial **8828 and press 1 at the voice prompt . Rates apply. I believe it is 30 pesos a month.

3. You can listen to me for FREE if you are following me on Twitter since I do automatic posting there . My twitter name is @momblogger

I will be providing daily updates starting today. See, I am not used to talking so I had to practice my speaking voice on bubbly. Expect me to deliver constructive engagement in issues on family and society.

Co-hosting in Ratsada Inquirer

Ratsada sa Inquirer is an infotainment show every saturday morning 8:00 to 9:00 AM at DZIQ 990 which gives you substantive insights on the rundown of the news which happened during the week. It is hosted by Den Macaranas, veteran radio broadcaster and blogger Ricky Rivera. The latter invited me to be a co-host and discuss social media news.

I wasn’t too sure if I would be good. Since it is an AM station, it is a necessary to speak in Tagalog or Taglish. Tagalog is not my first language so I have problems with my accent and grammar. I can speak Cebuano though. During my first appearance on June 16 , I invited @tweetnirizal to join me. It turned out pretty well at least that was the feedback I got. My husband who I specifically told to stay away from the radio listened to it the whole time. He said I was good. Coming from him (my worst critic) then I believe I must have been okay .

Was it beginner’s luck? There I go again. So insecure of myself. I have to believe in myself that continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights. My only security is my ability to change.

Listen

If you want to hear my audio blog and radio show, here is the schedule.

1. Through Bubbly : Subscribe through your Globe. Dial the short code **8828 . You will hear a voice prompt telling you to press 1 to subscribe.

2. Through DZIQ 990 : Every Saturday 8:00 to 9:00 AM on AM radio DZIQ 990. Or follow on Twitter @dziq990. There is also livestreaming at dziq.am for those outside the country.

If you have ideas on content, please comment below.

If my dad can only see me now, I bet he’d be proud of me. I bet he’d beam that wide smile , nod his head brimming with love. Whenever something special happens in my life, I call daddy out … “daddy look at what I am doing”. I often see this vision of my dad smiling over and over again.

I miss him so. Though he may not be here, I know he lives inside my heart and my memory bank. I carry my maiden name in honor of my dad’s memory . Much of who I am today is because of my dad. He taught me resiliency and hard work by living it. He passed on his wisdom, knowledge, love, and passion through words and action. When I saw my dad so busy attending to his various charitable work and the honors received from it, I often wondered if I could even be half of that.

I lost my mom when I was in college but dad took the role of a doting mother by visiting us often in Manila. He was never too busy for us. Always there for us.

Even until today…

Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever.