The house is quiet in a way I don’t quite know what to do with. My chest feels heavy. Missy, my Siamese with those bright, curious blue eyes, has crossed the Rainbow Bridge after seventeen years by my side. She wasn’t just a pet. She was company, comic relief, and a calm old soul wrapped in soft cream fur.
The house creaked with a silence I hadn’t known before. It was not the peaceful kind—this silence rattled around empty bedrooms and echoed down hallways where laughter used to bounce. Mother’s Day is a cruel irony when you’re an empty nester.
Coffee turned bitter in my mouth, and the mug felt foreign in my hand. For years, different mugs get filled with hurried sips between diaper changes and school runs. Now, the only rush was the relentless clock ticking, counting the hours until I could pretend that sleep might drown out the hollowness inside.
They warned me, those well-meaning women. “Enjoy it; it goes so fast,” they’d say with wistful smiles. I’d nod, impatient then. If only I’d known “fast” meant a blink, a blur, and suddenly those chubby cheeks and sticky fingers were replaced with hastily packed suitcases and a rearview mirror filled with a life heading away from mine.
So many regrets. There were sharp pangs for the mistakes I made: unnecessary fear over a child that might die and not being demonstrative of my love for this child. But the dull ache was worse—the knowledge that even if I’d been perfect, this day would have still come. Children are arrows shot out into the world, and we’re left holding the bow.
The photo album lay open on the table, faces accusing me. There I was, younger, thinner, but with an edge in my eyes. Was I too critical, too quick to offer correction rather than just presence? Was I too detached? Distant? Did they hear “I’m disappointed” instead of “I love you” whispered beneath my frustration?
Tears splashed onto the page, blurring the images. No amount of wishing could rewrite the past. Motherhood isn’t a fairy tale with guaranteed happy endings; it’s a messy, glorious battle fought on uncertain ground. We all did the best we could with what we knew then.
A Christmas card my daughter wrote 20 years ago peeks out from my memory box. Inside, this is an excerpt said: ” You’ve done a wonderful job and I appreciate it very much.
I see you do so many things for us, and sometimes I wonder if you do anything for yourself. It’s okay for you to take care of us, but I think you need to take more care of yourself. I guess I’m a bit worried about what you will do with your life after M and I leave the nest. I think it would be nice for you to go out once in a while, relax and just have fun and not attend to family duties. Take a break and be yourself.”.
I surely did. I became a social mom, made a name online and now as a columnist.
Today, my daughters are chasing their own dreams out there in the wide world. That’s all I ever truly wanted for them. My heart, cracked and weathered, began to stitch itself back together with a love less frantic but steadfast.
I wouldn’t waste this silence on beating myself up. Instead, I’d brew another cup of coffee and then say a little prayer. I’d find an old book, finish my quilt project I started in 1995, and venture out of this too-quiet house. There’s a different rhythm to this part of life; it was time to learn the steps. I may not be a perfect parent, but I did so many things right. To my fellow mothers, remember, imperfections are part of what make our stories beautiful. We are perfectly imperfect, and that’s enough.
Parents leave behind two legacies to their children— one is roots, the other wings. It starts with being responsible parents.
Whenever news about a mother is sensationalized or controversial, my readers ask for my reaction. I tell them that I cannot judge on what a parent should or should not do. Like any parent, I made mistakes in the past, learned from them and never did it again. Now the next question comes up with “How do you know whether you are being responsible or irresponsible ?” How do we teach our children what it means and how to act accordingly? Ellen Schrier on “What Exactly IS A “Responsible” Parent?” gave me wonderful insights on parenting without being preachy and calls upon your better judgment, maternal instinct and being honest about your role as a parent.
Listen to the podcast episode
It is actually simple. Remember these key phrases. To be responsible means to respond appropriately.
Let’s test certain situations that you can peruse over.
What if … your two year old toddler got hold of your scissors and is about to give your one year old baby boy a hair cut? Do you watch in amusement as your toddler throws an impish smile? Does it occur to you that the appropriate response is to firmly say “No you can’t do that” and remove the sharp scissors from her hands before anyone gets hurt. Your toddler is not aware of the dangers of handling the scissors. She sees you use it to cut her hair but as a parent, it is our job to keep everyone safe.
What if … you are at a family reunion where relatives often open a bottle of wine with their dinner. Someone asks you if your 11-year-old daughter can take a little wine since the dinner is a special celebration. Your daughter is the youngest among the other family members. The rest of her cousins are allowed to drink. What is the responsible thing to do?
Well, remember the key words, to be responsible means to respond appropriately. What are the facts? Isn’t it your rule and that of Philippine laws that young children are not allowed to drink alcohol? If you allow her to drink wine, even just a sip, she gets the message that laws are negotiable. Is that an appropriate message to send to your daughter?
What if … your seven-year-old never joins you at the dinner table because he is never hungry. He prefers to snack every hour, a habit that started when he was a toddler. He looks healthy, and a overweight and you hate to argue with him. Are you being responsible in letting the unsupervised snacking continue at the expense of eating at the dinner table with the family?
Well, think about it. Is it part of your job as parent to make sure your child meets his daily nutritional needs? Of course, you nod. Is it part of your job to teach him on social skills and engage in conversations? Yes, for sure. Isn’t it your duty to check if your child does not go over his desired weight? What then would be the appropriate response? It’s pretty obvious that you have to figure out a way to break the bad habit that has been established, right? That would be the responsible (appropriate, given your role as parent) thing to do.
What if … your one year old child is restless and experiencing low-grade fever. You already took her to the pediatrician three days ago. The doctor examined her and brushed away your concerns and blamed the not-so-serious-virus. You are the person in charge of your child’s welfare. A nagging feeling inside you says something wrong. Is it appropriate to discount your own intuition? Or should you see another pediatrician for a second opinion.
What if … you overhear your 14-year-old’s friends laughing at their drunken behavior in a party last night? Would it be responsible to deny that you didn’t hear this conversation? Or, do you have an obligation to bring it out with your daughter and her friends and discuss the incident at the party? What is the appropriate response when faced with this kind of information?
Now you have an idea on being a responsible parent is. If faced with a sticky situation, ask yourself “I wonder whether I’m being responsible here.”
I believe the rules of parents are all but three. Love , Limit and Let them be. For your children to understand appropriate behavior, let them know you love them, set the boundaries, be consistent and know that you can’t be with them 24/7. There is a time to let go. What we hope most for our children is that they soar confidently in their own sky, whatever that may be.
i also believe that you are a old-fashioned and controlling parent. Times have changed.
The above comment is partially true . I am an old-fashioned parent, a child of old-fashioned parents but the difference is I have adapted to the times. Old fashion parenting style never goes out of fashion. Part of the parenting style needs some control of the environment our children live. Can you imagine if I allowed my children to be online 5 hours a day or watch TV all afternoon? Call me an old fashion parent if that’s the case. True, times have changed and I have my own definition of “what’s in” and “what’s out” in parenting style.
What’s in or what’s still in
1. Instill parental guidance and discipline of young kids age twelve years old and below. This is true for TV, movies, internet, games, books. Unfortunately, not all of what children learn from TV is beneficial. TV programs often present a very selective view of life, with glamor in stark contrast to the real people children come into contact with. Remember that 7-year-old boy that shot his yaya (babysitter) a few years ago? The young boy was watching his favorite TV show depicting violence when the caregiver told him to turn it off. In the kids rage, he got his dad’s gun and shot his babysitter.
2. Raise children with imagination and curiosity. Nowadays, when we enter the toy store , we see an array of toys that require batteries, have flashing lights or look like your child’s favorite movie character. We still need to fill our houses with some of the following old-fashioned items like : books, felt boards, musical instruments, blocks and legos, art supplies, kitchen play, puppets to mention a few.
3. When children hit adolescence, we should allow them to express their feelings and reach a compromise. They also need to know this is the rule today and it’s not going to change tomorrow. Consistency is really important to our children. With our girls, we set rules on party curfew times, the age when they can go dating (age 16), telephone limits, study time and household responsibilities. My husband had some difficulty adjusting to the teens fashion. Anything without a sleeve was deemed “slutty”.
Now what’s out?
1. Punishment is out of fashion. During my childhood days, my mother planted a guava tree for the purpose of using the guava branch for whipping us when we were naughty. According to her, a guava branch is resilient. Ugh, I remember those days when mom would holler to the maid “Get the guava branch.” I remember trembling like a quivering guava leaf whenever I’d hear those harsh words. I can’t remember our offense now, but the welt marks often left blood streaks on our legs. I could barely walk when that happened. It is a cruel punishment and even as a kid, I found no logic in this. Sometimes mom would pinch us for minor offenses. Another variation is using the belt or slipper. This type of punishment is terribly old-fashioned. I don’t know if parents of my generation use this type of physical punishment.
2. “Children are meant to be seen not heard” is outdated. During parties or occasion, some old folks separate the children from the adults. On one occasion, one of my daughters fumed after an uncle kept asking her opinion on a local star’s talent. She wished that her relatives would ask more thought-provoking questions on current issues, on her studies, hopes and ambitions.
There is more to this list of good old parenting style. I’m sure you have your own list. One thing remains: Old fashioned parenting style of love, guidance and discipline never changes with the time.
It’s that time of the year that I declutter my home. The library which is located in my home office is often filled with books because my family members are book lovers. As I reviewed the books on the top shelf, I screamed with delight upon discovering my son’s yearbook in Family Montessori Katipunan , his first school. I thought I had lost his yearbook after moving homes in 2007. I thought “there must be a message here”. I quickly leafed through the pages and found his handsome photo.
I could see that parents submitted anecdotes about their child. I could not help tearing and smiling at the same time. My heart tied in a knot as I read the last part.
He is a very energetic child in spite of his asthma. His favourite past time is reading (pretending to) his books, playing with his Lego blocks, writing in workbooks, running around the house and driving his sisters crazy. When he is in a good mood, he likes to kiss everyone. He always wants to be loved. However, when he is scolded, which he hates, he says “I am a good boy!” with much conviction.
Come to think of it, children are born without any baggages. Children are good. It is adults that give them the bad habits. Parents help shape their thoughts and habits in their early years. When I wrote this anecdote, Luijoe was only 4 years old. True, Luijoe was a good boy.
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It occurred to me that Luijoe taught me a lot about parenting. Luijoe did not mince words when he found something wrong with my parenting style. I am sure most of you have learned some important lessons from your children. I would like to share some of these poignant memories from my son.
1. Patience, mom
One of the important skills that all parents need to learned is how to be patient.
There were times my son wanted to get his way and he would cry when I refused. When I tell him to stop his crying spells, he’d raise his hands like a STOP sign “Mom. give me time to stop crying. I need more time to stop”.
That really gave me an insight that kids do not automatically stop crying like one would shut off the faucet.
2. Breastfeeding is good for babies
I still remember my son tugging at my sleeve “Mom, did you do that to me?”
He led me to the room where Maan, his former yaya was breastfeeding her son.
“Of course, I breastfed you.” I hugged my boy.
“Are you sure mom? Breastfeeding is good for babies.”
My son didn’t seem to believe me. Too bad I didn’t have photos of our breastfeeding moments. I pointed out the cross stitching projects in the kitchen .
I explained “When I breastfed you, I did cross stitch projects because it took you an hour to feed.” He seemed satisfied with my answer but the next day, he nagged me with the same question.
Luijoe’s fascination with breastfeeding inspired me to start my breastfeeding advocacy in 2007.
3. Don’t spank
My son once berated me for spanking him, “mom you should not spank”. I wanted to hit myself. I did not know any better. My parents brought me up, that spanking is a form of discipline. I turned to using another style “Face the corner” . He did not like it either but I had set rules that needed to be followed. Luijoe’s words haunted me through the years which probably moved me to pursue Children rights and eventually push for The Positive Discipline in Lieu of Corporal Punishment of Children Act of 2011.
4. Take time to smell the flowers
Flowers remind me to let go of work. Luijoe reminds me that I need to smell the flowers. I smile at the sweet memories, of his hugs which came with a bunch of flowers as a surprise. “I love you so very much, Mama,” he’d cry out. Remembering all these often bring tears to my eyes. The flowers he picked often came from our garden or the park. It is a bittersweet memory. I wish I could turn back the clock and hear him say “I love you so very much, Mama,” over and over again. Maybe it is one reason, I often deluge my home with fresh flowers.
5. Pray , mom
My son is very prayerful. I bought him a Catholic prayer book which we would read every night. I also had my own prayerbook which I shared with him.
Luijoe’s favorite prayer book
One time, Luijoe held my face with his chubby palms, “pray, mom”. I gave him a hug and prayed along with him. Without my Luijoe beside me now, I turned to prayers. I found the power of a praying parent. All I can do now is pray every day. I let go of worrying. It has been said that “worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.” Let go and Let God is my motto.
For many years, I struggled to find the meaning of my son’s death. As memories flow, I am reminded that Luijoe is never really gone. He continues to live in me. There is a lot to accomplish. Luijoe reminds me of the bigger work that God has set out for me in this world…declutter the mess.
My earliest memory of dad was his round belly that looked like a pillow stuffed under his polo-shirt. I was convinced that fathers also got pregnant just like mom. As I grew, a little older and a little wiser, I realized his paunch stayed the same way, and no baby would ever come out of it. That often puzzled me. I often laid my head on his soft paunch, but only just for a minute because dad would find it uncomfortable.
My sister , Myrna believes that dad’s legacy is his example of strength and perseverance to us, the seven children and eighteen grandchildren. I learned by watching him suffer from the ravages of Stroke, that I should never give up on life, and to hold on to every precious moment with my loved ones, fully aware that, like a candle’s flame, life can flicker out in an instant. His laughter just resonated . Enthusiastic, effervescent, so full of life!
Above all these, the best thing dad gave us is his legacy of true love and family devotion. Even though he is gone, that love and strength of character live on as we now pass these to my daughters, to our granddaughter’s’ children, and so forth down the generation line.
Listen to my podcast of this post
Today, I want to remember my Daddy old boy, round and pudgy, full of life, his voice confidently booming across a room, his loud laughter rising above a crowd. He may not have the body of a muscled macho man, but he lived the style, the ideals, the strength and confidence of a true-blue macho man.
My dad has always been my role model. I may have been a late bloomer in citizen empowerment and community work, but Dad was always at the back of my mind all these years. I hope he is proud of his children, who in one way or another are following his lead. My Dad, Jose P Lardizabal, was our role model for community service and leadership. Dad was an accountant and a corporate man but he was very active in PICPA, Jaycees, Rotary (a Past District Governor), Caritas (Board President), Sacred Hospital and Southwestern Univ, St Martin de Porres (for special children), Enercon (chairman), Sinulog (Chairman), UP Cebu MBA, and many more.
Dad is a special person in anybody’s land. He is alive and well in my treasured box of memories. May Dad still be smiling down upon us from Heaven, happy about how our lives have turned out.
I miss you, dad.
I’ve never heard of the family bed concept until I had my first baby. As a new parent, it never occurred to me then to take L into bed with my husband and me. I was the second in a brood of 7 siblings and I don’t remember sleeping in the family bed. I noticed that my youngest brother slept with my mom and dad but then I thought it was because he was the youngest. My mother died when I was a teenager and there was no one else to teach me about raising a child. I read all sorts of books including Dr. Benjamin Spock’s theory that popularized the notion that stern bedtime routines are essential in raising children to be independent and well-behaved. In the early eighties, many books on child rearing revealed that bad sleeping habits in a child are formed when Mother hears Baby whimper and “rushes” in to see if everything is all right. According to these books, the child will wake up more frequently just to receive his mother’s attention. “They will wrap you around their little finger,” so “take heed”. Yet, this seems such a distrustful approach to take toward an innocent baby, who simply needs care and love. Mother is reprimanded for wanting to pick up her crying baby. Yet responding to her baby’s call shows concern for her child, and is an action that comes from the very heart of motherhood.
I learned about the family bed from who else? my husband, my co-homemaker. “Let’s bring L to bed with us” as I placed L in her baby pink crib a few distance away from our room. My husband explained that he grew up with the family bed concept and added that babies should be close to their parents as they feel more loved and secure. “Oh really. I thought they belonged to their nursery” and quickly added “there goes our sex life”.
At first I was quite resistant to the family bed concept. I believed couples should have privacy of their own and babies should learn to sleep on their own. My mind changed not only because of the warmth and love we both shared but there were less sleepless nights. There were no whimpering or endless crying at the dead of the night because L immediately felt her mother’s warmth. This arrangement continued even until my second child was born a year and a few months after L. It was such a loving arrangement. It helped that my husband was still in Law School and assisted me with the babies. As toddlers, they slept at precisely 9:00 PM beside me and when they fell asleep, I got up from bed to attend to my husband who usually arrived from Law school. The two toddlers slept peacefully never waking up in the wee hours of the morning. When I was pregnant with my son, I informed the two girls that it was time to transfer to their pink room. They seemed to accept the change until the night I brought Luijoe home from the hospital. I peeped into their rooms and my heart broke when I saw L sobbing “Can I sleep with you?”
Surprisingly, all three children slept well with us and this arrangment continued on till the girls reached their high school years. Luijoe refused to sleep in his room until the day he died. I don’t have regrets that he continued to sleep with us for all those six years. At least I have those memories of his chubby arms wrapped around my neck or his angel kisses on my cheeks just before he slept . I believe that the family bed is a place of comfort and security. After my son died, the girls moved back to our room for the next two years. Something as natural, loving, and comforting as co-family sleeping can do wonders to a family in crisis.
The girls eventually slept in their own rooms . When the girls went to college, they lived in the dorm during the weekdays. They seemed well-adjusted to their semi-independent lives. What about our sex life? There were creative ways of course. Choices are either hotel rooms or the empty rooms in the house. Since the kids sleep well in the comfort of the family bed, they sleep through the night without bothering us. The family bed was also a natural birth control method especially when the two girls arrived. That’s why there is a 6 years gap between the second child and Luijoe.
I thought the family bed is a thing of the past. Seeing that one of my daughters is prone to nightmares after watching horror films, my husband told her to sleep with us. Funny. But yes, I miss the closeness of my children at times. I miss them as babies. It’s not that often now but it only happens after they insist on watching or reading these scary themes. We keep our rooms locked when we want our privacy but often it is left unlocked during the weekends when they are home from the dorm.
Co-family sleeping is a relatively new idea in countries like the US, (where Dr Spock espoused the strict baby rules more than 30 years ago)- new, that is, since they got away from it a mere century ago. They say children who sleep in bed with parents will not make the decision to start sleeping in their own bed. Where do these self-described “experts” think all the children who were allowed to sleep in their parents’ bed and are now adults are sleeping today?
“The first step to teaching your kids how to handle money is being a good example.” – Dave Ramsey
My children are adults , living away from home for the past five years. I am so proud that they are independent. One of my greatest fears was dying young just like my mother. I wanted my children to be able to stand on their own even at a young age. I believe that setting an example was the key to teaching them about financial responsibility. Today, I can look back and reflect on the ways I brought them up.
I believe that kids need to learn how to manage their money in order to gain financial freedom no matter their chosen careers. So even if they will turn out to be writers or a chef, they will know how to manage their income and expenses. Money management started when they were little kids. It meant that they couldn’t demand to covet the latest gizmos and gadgets. They knew our priorities and often understood our reasons. My kids never acted like spoiled brats when I told them “no, we can’t buy that right now. Maybe some day. Or let me save for it first.”
Teaching my girls kids about financial responsibility meant setting a budget — and deciding what to do when they miss their own guidelines. When the girls were still in their high school and elementary years, I gave them lunch allowance twice a week. I did this because I wanted them to know how to handle money. The rest of the week, I gave them packed lunch which also results to savings.
There was never a need to buy branded toys, gadgets or clothes. If they wanted something for Christmas, it was always within our budget. The best way to encourage sound spending habits was to exhibit them. When we went to the mall, it was mostly to buy books that I could afford. Books are so expensive. I recall the books I could only afford was the “Little Golden Book” , a popular series of children’s books. I discouraged impulse buying.
As college students, I gave a weekly allowance for food. I wanted them to learn budgeting for the week. Pretty soon, they graduated from college. As soon as they started earning, they bought their own clothes and saved the rest of their salary. One daughter saved enough for a downpayment on a pre-selling condominium which she moved in two years ago. Today, she works for a financial comparison startup company and even wrote an article on 7 Money Saving Tips for the Very Lazy. My other daughter saved enough money for her plane fare to move to Australia for work and study.
What students can do
It is only right that children learn about stretching their allowance and saving as much as they can. Learning to save money while they are still in school can help students become financially responsible by the time they join the workforce. I know my children did.
Check out ten easy money saving tips for students.
Babies are a wonder because in just a year, they grow from closed-eyed and needy infants to toddlers taking one step at a time while babbling their favorite syllables. Click! Click! Click! A mom asks, why so many clicks? Another parent says, “Why not?”
Sharing too much information about one’s kids online is very common that Erin McKean dubbed the term, oversharenting. On May 18, 2012, the Wall Street Journal writer in a “Words of the Week” article remarked that, “oversharenting” is the tendency for parents to share a lot of information and photos of their kids online. Oversharenting was shortened to “sharenting” in the recent years. It is understandable that parents would share the growth and development of their youngsters, but there’s also a fine line between posting family pictures and cutesy photos of a baby’s first bath. You never know where your kid’s pictures might end up. Experts recommend making sure that whatever images or anecdotes parents post are things their children would feel comfortable with later in life.
Mariea Grubbs Hoy, DeForrest Jackson Professor in the School of Advertising and Public Relations in the College of Communication and Information, collaborated with Alexa K. Fox, an assistant professor of marketing at the University of Akron, to study “sharenting.” They published the findings in “Smart Devices, Smart Decisions? Implications of Parents’ Sharenting for Children’s Online Privacy: An Investigation of Mothers” and published online in the Journal of Public Policy and Marketing on July 10, 2019.
Fox and Hoy discovered evidence in two complementary studies that women’s feelings of vulnerability about being a mother are associated with their posting on social media. The posts sometimes cover their children’s identifiable information, such as names, birthdates and photographs. “Providing updates on [a child’s] progress with posts of photos, videos and other personal information about the child has almost become a social norm, but it puts the child’s online privacy and, potentially, safety at risk,” the researchers noted.
I understand why mothers are vulnerable to sharenting. I have been there, and I didn’t have a mother to help me out. Questions like “Am I doing this right?” or “Is it normal to be sad?” hit me now and then. Research on the reasons for sharing ranged from pride about their child to personal reasons, involving their own vulnerability about their bodies, their new responsibilities and evolving challenges, and exhaustion, depression, and anxiety. The researchers explained: “Posting about their experiences and sharing personal information about themselves and their children served as a coping strategy, primarily related to seeking affirmation/social support or relief from parents’ stress/anxiety/depression.”
Threats to oversharing on social media are clear yet serious consequences occur when new mothers don’t have a support system or coping mechanisms. Internet was not around in the mid-’80s so I relied on books on parenting, which I had to order from my sister abroad. We could focus on the pressures faced by parents trying to do their best while reaching out for help online. Today, Facebook groups, community forums for new moms (https://www.facebook.com/groups/firsttimemomsph/) or breastfeeding moms (https://www.facebook.com/groups/breastfeedingpinays/) discuss issues online and off-line. Addressing the privacy risks, together with educating friends who could see the content and protecting their children, is a significant first step.
I love seeing the photos of babies, but I wonder how these kids feel in 15 years from now when they could understand their childhood became public without their consent. My daughters were in college when Facebook became popular. I sought their approval first before I posted any of their photos. One condition they imposed was they should look good in the photo.
Some parents go to drastic measures of posting nothing about their kids at all, but for those who still prefer to share photos or videos of their charming children to some extent online, here are some tips that might be helpful:
1. Adjust privacy settings of the social media accounts for trusted friends and relatives. If you are particular of your child’s privacy, inform them that photos taken of their child are for their personal use and not shared on social media.
2. Use a pet name, rather than your child’s real name, to offer some safeguard against companies or individuals who might use your child’s personal data.
3. Avoid tagging your child’s photos on Facebook unless you want the facial recognition tool to work on your child. Turn off geotagged photos, which show locations.
4. Ask yourself if you would take that risk to have your baby’s photos used in other sites without your knowledge and permission.
5. If still you wish to share, put watermark on the photo or at least blur the baby’s face.
Researchers added that they need future studies “to explore how new fathers, single parents and grandparents may experience vulnerability, and explore parents’ motivations to post on social media and engage with brands.” The pressures of being a “good mother” (or father or grandparent) in a connected society need understanding.
Originally published August 4, 2019 at the Sunday Business & IT, Manila Times
Kaspersky strongly advises Filipino parents to keep a closer eye on their children’s online activities on the heels of soaring web threats the company has been monitoring in the country. From its latest data, the cybersecurity company confirmed that 82.46% of web threats from January to December 2018 have attempted to attack home users in the Philippines.
The global cybersecurity company also recorded over a 230% increase on annual web-based infections in the Philippines for 2018 at 31,887,231 versus 2017’s 9,487,775. These web threats were scanned and blocked by Kaspersky Lab products when its users accessed websites or downloaded online files.
About 33.39% of the country’s population currently make up the 0-14 age group while 19.16% comprise the 15-25 age bracket according to statistics from data portal IndexMundi.
Latest data from the cybersecurity company revealed that the following categories of websites were the most popular among Filipino children, which they have either visited or attempted to visit from their computers:
1. software, audio and video – 42.04%
2. internet communication sites (social networks, messengers, chats, and online forums) – 29.17%%
3. e-commerce (online stores) – 16.04%
4. news – 4.76%
5. computer games – 3.76%
Gathered from May 2018 to May 2019, the report confirms that kids are now fast moving towards the use of mobile devices for their online activities instead of using computers.
“The younger set is undeniably the most connected of all age groups today. Some even have their digital presence laid down long before they are even born — the consequence of our inherent nature of sharing that has crossed over to the internet world. And when these kids get older, they exhibit curiosity, another primitive instinct, but which they do online albeit carelessly. Just as the internet has been used to empower individuals, communities and nations, so too can it be used to destroy reputations, steal identities and hurt the vulnerable, particularly our children,” said Yeo Siang Tiong, General Manager for Kaspersky Southeast Asia.
“When it comes to kids’ online safety though, we recommend that parents should step in so that the balance is tipped for good. By staying in constant contact with them plus getting a little help from advanced security solutions, parents can continue to harness the positive benefits of the internet and keep their children safe from online dangers simultaneously,” he said.
In the Philippines, mobile broadband is becoming more affordable than fixed broadband and it’s one of the countries where Facebook offers its Free Basics service which allows users to get free access or what Filipinos refer to as “free data”. This enables anyone in the country with an internet-ready mobile phone to access the web instantly and without limits. Recent figures show Filipinos surf the net from two to 10 hours daily.
“As a cyber security professional and soon-to-be-dad myself, the online security of my child
Kaspersky Safe Kids is a feature in Kaspersky Total Security (KTS). With this module, parents can now:
Kaspersky Total Security is available online at https:/www.kaspersky.com at P2,764 (1 device for 1 year), P3,801 (1 device for 2 years) and P3,455 (3 devices for 1 year). KTS can also be purchased from the on-demand subscription service through telco company Smart where a single license costs P30 for 7days (Text KTS30 to 8933) and P120 for 30 days (Text KTS120 to 8933).
Below are top tips from experts at Kaspersky for parents to help internet-proof children:
1. Have the talk regularly. Be involved in children’s online activities from an early age so this is the established norm. Encourage communication so you can both learn from each other and to help build mutual trust.
2. Set boundaries. Ensure that children know what is acceptable and what is not. Also make them aware of the consequences of going somewhere that they shouldn’t or using tech when they shouldn’t be. This should be reviewed as child gets older.
3. Use available resources. Understand that there’s a lot of help as you raise digital children. Use the resources provided by some companies or organizations such as parental control software as well as tips and techniques to better manage kids who use digital devices. Also remember that not everyone has the same parenting style and that is OK — pick and choose what is right for you and your family. If a situation ever seems like it is going out of control, especially with cyberbullying or pedophiles, remember that you can get help from the local law enforcement agency.