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mariannet amperIf you read today’s papers, Mariannet Amper, a 12 year old girl from Davao died of suicide out of despair for her family’s impoverished life. Yesterday, Nel, a 14 year old boy climbed a flyover in Iloilo in a suicide attempt apparently fuelled by rugby. A few weeks back, Julie wrote about Kristen Ariane Cuenca, a third grader who jumped off from the fourth level of a building of Malate Catholic School because of depression. She was only 9 years old.

These stories are alarming since these kids are so young and they all happened in a span of less than one month. To think that in my radio interview last Monday, I received 3 phone inquiries about suicide and depression. I was unprepared to handle suicide questions because I am not an expert in suicide though I have read a lot of materials on the subject matter in the course of my research on grief education. I have also talked to a few parents who lost their child by suicide. Instead, I referred them to a psychiatrist so a diagnosis could be made. There could be more childhood suicide, adolescent suicide or even suicide attempts that are not reported in the news.

Who is to blame? What causes these kids to turn to suicide as the answer to their pain?

What about Mariannet?

In her October 5 entry, Mariannet wrote: “Parang isang buwan na kaming absent. Hindi na kasi nakin (sic) binibilang ang absent ko. Hindi ko namalayan na malapit na pala ang Pasko.” [It feels as if we’ve been absent for a month. They’re not counting my absences anymore. I just realized that Christmas is just around the corner.

Mariannet died of suicide because she could not endure their family’s financial situation any longer. You remember Belle’s story on her humble beginnings? Just like Mariannet, Belle’s father was jobless. This did not take away Belle’s dream of attaining an education. If she did have some money, she walked to school because it was a choice between transportation or food. Millions of Filipinos are living below poverty level but then not all children are resilient like Belle.

Poverty, per se, did not kill Mariannet.

Health Secretary Francisco Duque is not discounting the possibility “that there could be some pathological underlying reasons” for the suicide, adding that Amper’s reaction of taking her life to the problems of hunger and poverty was “unusual.”

It doesn’t mean, however, that the government should not work against fighting poverty or we should remain indifferent to the poverty situation in the Philippines.

Let’s look at Nel’s attempted suicide. He says:

“Gusto ko na ring mamatay gusto kong sundan si nanay (I also wanted to die – I wanted to follow my mother),” Nel said.

Instead of pinpointing blame, let’s do our small share by educating ourselves on death by suicide. (Our Compassionate Friends have officially adopted the terms ““died by suicide” or ““died of suicide” to replace the commonly used ““committed suicide” or ““completed suicide.”)

Dr. Philip Chua enumerates risk factors such as mental problems:

….especially major depressive, psychosis, etc. Other factors include substance abuse, family history of suicide, sexual abuse, delinquency, gay and lesbian youth, runaways, juveniles in detention centers, halfway houses, prisons, group homes. Those high-achievers, who may have rigid perfectionist personalities and impulsive behavior are also at an increased risk.

suicide

Dr Chua further explains that stressors contribute to suicide are loss of a loved one through divorce, death or break-up of a relationship; interpersonal or family conflicts. School problems, financial dilemma, family violence are stressors that aggravate the situation because they lesson the much-needed support responses to an adolescent crisis.

My suspicion on media displaying acts of suicide can also contribute to suicide ideation. Dr. Chua agrees that television, newspaper or radio coverage of suicide (or exposure to a recent suicide or suicide attempt in the community) can serve as a trigger for vulnerable adolescents to act on suicidal thoughts and plans. This is what is termed as ““cluster suicides.”

Our children do not readily talk about their suicidal thoughts. They feel relief when a confidant or a medical professional brings up the subject matter to them. Dr Chua adds that : When this comes up, it is best to ask questions in a nonjudgemental, non-threatening and direct manner, like, ““Have you thought of suicide?” ““Are you thinking about suicide now?” ““Do you have a plan for doing it?” If answer is affirmative, ““What is your plan for committing suicide?” A positive response indicates the need for more professional questioning and assessment of risk factors, and the plan of counseling or therapy is based on the degree of risk.

Here are some points raised by Dr. Chua.

  • Is depression associated with suicide?Clinical evidences show that depression is very strongly associated with suicide. The symptoms and signs include depressive mood, reduced interest or pleasure, isolation from family and friends, weight loss when not dieting, or weight gain, insomnia or hypersomnia (sleeping a lot), fatigue, diminished ability to think or concentrate, indecisiveness, irritability, unusually argumentative and temperamental behavior, hyperactivity, delinquency, school failure, repeated accidents or injuries, sexual acting out, etc.
  • What can friends and family members do?Family members and friends, who notice signs of depression and/or suspect suicidal tendency should show understanding and compassion without anger or condescension to the individual in distress. They should reassure the person that his/her current emotional condition is temporary and treatable. They should suggest professional help but this should be done without intimidation or coercion. A ““no-suicide” contract, where the adolescent pledges not to attempt self-destruction, is often helpful but cannot be totally and solely relied upon.
  • What is the best plan for treatment?If suicidal tendency is suspected, a family member or a friend, who is close to the adolescent, may suggest professional help. Nowadays, a visit to the psychologist or psychiatrist is commonplace. One does not have to be ““crazy” to see psychiatrist. Many politicians, head of states, businessmen, actors and actresses routinely seek counseling for prophylaxis, to prevent, minimize or learn how to handle stressors in life. The counselor will have interview sessions with the adolescent, the family members and friends, most often separately, and make an assessment of the case, and tailor the specific management regimen for the individual. Today, more than ever before, medical science has the mind-boggling sophistication to perform ““wonderful miracles,” heretofore unknown to man.

There is just so much taboo associated with mental illness. More than anything else, parents, educators, school counselors and even family doctors need to be aware of suicide as an illness and know when to detect and prevent it. In the US, children with suicide ideation are brought in as an emergency case so that they would be given therapy or medication. Friends and school counselors are encouraged to report any suicide ideation. Sure the private schools are probably on top of the situation. But what are the government doctors doing about it in the Philippines? (UPDATE : Gov’t takes responsibility for girl’s suicide .

Death by suicide is the most devastating loss among all types of death. One loses a child under very painful circumstances. My heart goes out to these bereaved parents. (Read more on Suicide Awareness and Prevention.)

For Suicide Prevention Hotline in the Philippines

HOPELINE  Hotline- Philippines

PLDT- (02)-804 4673 (HOPE)
Mobile-0917-558-4673 (HOPE)
Toll Free 2919 for TM and Globe subscribers

 

Related News Reports/blogs that show balanced reporting as of November 15, 2007

1. From gmanews.tv- The tragic life of Mariannet Amper, or why children commit suicide

2. Rina Jimenez-David wrote column on how Media Reporting Suicide

3. Tess Termulo Her Choice Killed Her

4. Michael Tan on Young suicides

5. Ma. Ceres P. Doyo on Suicide has no Heroes

6. Michael Tan on Lifelines

Photo: Mariannet Amper with her brother taken from here

For news on Mariannet Amper : visit my entries at Suicide, Media and Mariannet Amper and Childhood and Adolescent Suicide Deaths in the Philippines

One of my proudest primetime adventure is speaking in a dialect that I am not fluent in TV or radio interviews. Though raised a Cebuana, my first language has always been English. My parents often spoke in Tagalog between themselves. I learned to understand basic tagalog but never spoke it at home. Same with Cebuano. I have been skirting from a certain radio station mainly because I just cannot speak tagalog properly. How will I ever explain grief as pagdadalamhati without getting my tongue all twisted up in knots? How does one translate the word denial in Tagalog? Or Depression?

Do you want to talk to my husband?, I bargained. He speaks fluent Tagalog.

The executive producer pursued “It’s alright to speak in English”. Yeah right, English is fine. The listeners will understand but what will they think of me? But I remembered that I am in an advocacy and I needed to hurdle my speech limitations at all cost. I asked for the guide questions and with the help of my husband, I praticed the tagalog definitions of most grief terminologies including pronouncing the tongue twisting pag-da-da-lam-ha-ti. The good news was I can do the interview via phone patch which meant that I can have a cheat list in front of me. Goodee. I clapped my hands.

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Ever since I could remember, dad often brought me and my siblings to any [tag]real estate investment[/tag] he acquired. Trudging by the tall weeds and mud, I wrinkled my nose and retort “But there is nothing here. No houses. ” Dad would often chuckle and remind me “Think of the future. what will it be like in 30 years?”. Twirling around the grasses and looking up at the sky, I could not think far ahead to the future. After all, I was just 8 years old. God bless my dad. His [tag]investment[/tag] paved the way for my own [tag]real estate[/tag] investments together with the rest of my siblings. I felt my girls should know how to prioritize their paycheck. Lauren even as a fresh graduate seems to be earning quite well. I thought I’d show her to invest her money wisely. So off we went for a brief stop in our country home somewhere in Sta. Rosa before heading off to Ayala Land’s latest development, the Nuvali.
poke_your_eyes.jpgOn the way to Nuvali, we got so engrossed with the landscape that we missed the turn to the entrance. The sign “Poke Your Eyes” alerted us that Hey you are lost. We had a good laugh as we made a u-turn back to Nuvali.

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The [tag]Photo Hunt[/tag] theme for this saturday is anything on Classic. What does “classic” mean?

“of or characteristic of a form or system felt to be of first significance before modern times” As an adjective, classic means ““belonging to the highest rank or class” as well as ““having lasting significance or worth.” As a noun, classic means ““a superior or unusual example of its kind”

momasateenagerthumb.jpgMine is a classic [tag]1940s photo[/tag] of my mom as a teenager. She must have been sixteen here in this photo, roughly taken sometime in 1947. I found this photo as my sister Belen (who happens to look like my mom) and I packed up our things from our ancestral home in Cebu. Though a bit worn, we were able to capture the photo with our digital camera.

I like gazing at [tag]retro photos[/tag]. A glimpse of the past is captured forever. I get to see the fashion trends during the good old days. One thing I notice about this old photo is the way she positioned their upper torso. It’s like mom is leaning to one side and her eyes aren’t focused on the camera as if gazing to someone behind the photographer. It’s great that she beamed a stunning smile though.

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butterflyAs a child, ghost stories terrified me, often fearful that a ghostly white apparition would suddenly spring forth as the story unfolded. That all changed when a series of deaths in the family hit us. Signs that our loved ones are just around the corner brings so much comfort to me and perhaps the newly bereaved. Sure skeptics will say it’s a figment of your imagination. But whether it is an imagination or not, it’s comforting because of that distinct feeling that our loved one is just nearby, even though he or she can’t be seen or heard. With so many deaths in my family, I have had my share in after-death communication. According to Bill Guggenheim & Judy Guggenheim, an After-Death Communication (ADC) is a spiritual experience which occurs when you are contacted directly and spontaneously by a deceased family member or friend, without the use of psychics, mediums, rituals, or devices. ADCs offer dramatic new evidence of life after death.

The twelve most frequent types of after-death communication people report having with their deceased loved ones:Sensing A Presence, Hearing A Voice, Feeling A Touch, Smelling A Fragrance, Visual Experiences, Visions, Twilight Experiences, ADC Experiences While Asleep, Out-Of-Body ADCs,Telephone Calls, Physical Phenomena, Symbolic ADCs.

Let me illustrate a few of these ADCs I’ve encountered with the deaths in my family:

Smelling A Fragrance: You may smell your relative’s or friend’s favorite cologne, after-shave lotion, or perfume. Other common aromas are: flowers (especially roses), bath powders, tobacco products, favorite foods, and his or her personal scent.

The first death in the family was mom. A week later after mom was buried, I was with Gigi, my roommate inside our dorm room. As we talked in bed, I suddenly smelt a waft of a candle burning mixed with roses. Not about to scare Gigi, I didn’t say anything. But she jumped beside me I can smell candles burning and roses. So I didn’t imagine that. I just smiled at her and said Mom is here much to her horror.

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halloween.jpgHalloween Trick or Treat is a tradition that my husband started in our family. As a kid, I never grew up in the Halloween tradition of the Western world but hubby did. Halloween Celebration through the years is a memory that my kids treasure because of the yummy treats and magical costumes. [tag]Halloween[/tag] in the early nineties didn’t reek of commercialized gimmicks from the shopping malls. The kids actually wore scary Halloween costumes. We, the parents contributed to the trick-or-treat-ing activities in our neighborhood.

Yes, happy childhood memories next to Christmas and birthday celebrations. I am not about to stop this tradition just because they are now over twenty years old. The spooky Halloween orange/black decors are up. The pumpkin baskets are displayed on the table. Everything bright and orange-y abounds the house now. And yesterday, I bought a bunch of Halloween candy treats.

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halloween treatsThe girls are now in their twenties and they have their own gimmicks these days. I can’t even schedule a photo shoot for a family portrait because their schedules always conflict with the date. The only occasion for us to be together is when we dine out or shop. Yesterday afternoon was one of those rare moments when they wanted to be with me. I was invited to the “All Treats No Tricks” event of All Flip Flops and Marta’s Cakes at the Bonifacio High Street where we get the chance to ice cookies or cupcakes. The girls thought it was an excellent idea to go to the swanky Bonifacio High Street and hie off to their favorite hangout, The Fully Booked bookstore. (Asides, I think Andres Bonifacio would rise from his grave if he saw his namesake being used for such a ritzy shopping complex. )

halloween treats
My dear husband offered to drive us (thank goodness) and meet up at the Fully Booked after the event. So we were at the tent across All Flip Flops and sat down to work on our cupcakes and cookies. My two lovely daughters sat across me and suddenly memories of their childhood flooded me. Those memories where we often did arts and crafts and even icing the cookies together. Where did the good old days go? As I iced my own cupcake, I know deep inside the girls are brought back to their happy childhood memories. Those were the days when I devoted a lot of my time cooking and baking. Those were the days we would look far and wide for a playground. These memories never die. Our childlike mind always lives in us and it is a good thing.

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california firesThe dark gray clouds was all I remembered that day as a 5 year old girl running around the garden in our old house in Cebu. In the eyes of a child, it was just an ugly dark cloud not knowing that the gas depot was burning a few meters away. I recall the evacuation, scurrying away to the front gate into the safety of my grandma’s car. I didn’t know the gravity of the situation then but I could sense the relief of my parents as we went back to our house. There in the front yard were all our furnitures and stack of boxes. Apparently, my mom stayed behind to pack up some of our stuff and even managed to haul off the furniture. She had the luxury of time to pack up unlike the victims of the Southern California Fires. We were probably lucky because our house didn’t catch fire. Our neighbors lost their homes. We were saved. No one died though.

Losing a home is not just losing a material possession. It’s losing the memories attached to the home. And like any loss, it’s a painful process. There is grief too. Any major event in our lives affects every aspect of our lives. They don’t know what is “out there” or how they’re going to be affected by this change somewhere down the line.

I have a friend who lost her 15 year old daughter in a fire. Unimaginable grief. Inspite of the horror of the tragedy, she chose to rebuild her home in the exact same lot. The loss of a house can easily be rebuilt but the loss of a child is permanent. I am not minimizing the victims who have lost their homes. True, they will face the same grieving process as bereaved parents face but there is hope. There is hope that they can rebuild their lives.

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erap.jpgMy first reaction was disappointment at our President when she granted absolute pardon to Erap. What happened to all that government money spent on his trial? By giving Erap that absolute pardon, our president restored all his civil and political rights, which were automatically removed by his conviction of atrocious crimes involving illegally amassing billions of pesos by virtue of his public office. I am not going to talk about the political implications of Erap’s absolute pardon.

I believe everyone should be given a second chance to fix things right. The thing is a deal was worked out in that Erap can keep some, if not most, of the money he got during his years as a so-called public servant. This was openly admitted by Estrada’s lawyers and Malacanang and is reportedly included in the document giving him executive clemency. I feel bad that he gets to keep most of the money . More than $15.5 million in bank accounts believed to be owned by him would remain in effect, Bunye said.

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I am in Cebu City right now for an overnight business trip. It feels great to be home. Well, not exactly at my old home. We sold our family home a few years ago because none of the siblings live in Cebu. Home is where the heart is or my hometown, where I spent the first 16 years of my childhood. Part of my agenda entailed a meet up with my grade school best friend, Rowena. It’s been 34 years since we last saw each other. Yes, the last time was at our high school graduation. I’ve never forgotten her though. The problem was I didn’t stay long enough in Cebu to reunite with high school friends whenever I went for my semestral break or vacation. Memories of high school popular cliques and my mediocre school performance made me want to avoid any reunions. But whenever I was in Cebu I often wondered what became of her.

Six months ago, I received a text message from Rowena. I was happy to hear from her, of course. Her reaction surprised me even more “I’m crying that we finally talked to each other”. I was thinking Did we have a fight? is that why we drifted apart?is that why she is crying? My heart remembers the love, the camaderie, the laughter and the innocence we shared as kids. She told me that I often gave her roses and cake for her birthday. Was I that sweet? Did I really sneak out those roses from my mom’s rose garden? Did I “steal” cake from our bake shop just so I had a gift for Rowena? I desperately wanted to remember how I was as a young me.

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