Touched by An Angel

16Dec 2014

Holiday Blues- Sad, Lonely and Depressed

Tis the season to be jolly…fa-la-la-la-la. Right, it may be a season to be jolly for some of us but there are a few out there who experience the holiday blues for so many reasons. I can see it in the emails I receive. I am not a therapist but for some reason, more and more visitors email me asking for advice for all sorts of reason. Of course, their questions are for my eyes only. They are sad, lonely and depressed. The suicide rate is even the highest during this holiday season. How I wish I could help but I am not a professional counselor though I can offer friendly advice. I’ve gathered a few tips for those feeling the holiday blues. As you might know, the holiday blues is defined as a feeling of sadness, loneliness, depression and even anxiety that often occur in and around the holiday season.” You or your loved one might be having a temporary spell of the blues without knowing it. There is nothing abnormal about having the “holiday blues,” which are more like a mood than any sort of lasting condition. Depression, anxiety, and other psychological symptoms are associated with the holidays because this season brings back memories of a happier time in our lives.

Who experiences the Blues?

People who might be at risk for feeling blue at the holidays include:

Someone who has a death in the family
Someone who has experienced financial setbacks at the holidays
Someone who is separated from loved ones at the holidays with work, military obligations or other reasons
Someone who has experienced other losses – moving, recent difficult medical diagnosis
Someone who has experienced a change in lifestyle – getting married, getting divorced, new baby
Someone who tends to be depressed, stressed, anxious

How will you recognize you have the blues?

Headaches
An inability to sleep or sleeping too much
Changes in appetite that cause either weight loss or gain
Agitation and anxiety
Excessive or inappropriate feelings of guilt
Diminished ability to think clearly or concentrate
Decreased interest in activities that usually are enjoyable, such as: food, sex, work, friends, hobbies and entertainment.

How does one cope with the Holiday Blues?

For anyone feeling blue during the holidays can follow some very basic, common sense steps to help in coping with the blues.

Take things one day at a time and if need be one hour at a time.
Try and maintain a normal routine. Keep doing your normal daily activities.
Get enough sleep or at least enough rest.
Regular exercise, even walking, helps relieve stress, tension and improve moods.
Eat a healthy, balanced diet. Limit high calorie foods and junk food.
Avoid using alcohol, medications or other drugs to mask the pain.
Do those activities or things and be with the people that comfort, sustain, nourish and recharge you.
Remember the healthy coping strategies you have used in the past to survive challenges. Draw on these strengths again.

What does one do to feel less blue during the Holidays?

There are several things that can help in making it easier to manage the blues.

Determine your priorities and establish realistic goals for the holidays.
Delegate some responsibilities to others.
Take time for yourself.
Minimize financial stressors by setting a budget and sticking to it.
Enjoy free holiday activities.
Think about giving a free gift from your heart. Your time or your presence.
Be around supportive people.
Volunteer and help someone else.
Create a New Holiday Tradition.
Find a new place or a new way to celebrate.

Source: Holiday Blues – Feeling Sad, Lonely or Depressed During the Holidays?

For those facing Christmas alone for the first time due to death of a loved one, I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust and share your feelings with them. Devote a place and time before Christmas Day in which you can openly honor your loved one and acknowledge your feelings. On Christmas Day, intentionally set your focus on family and friends who not only share in your loss, but who bring precious gifts of love and support to aid in your healing journey.

Be aware that the hurts of a loss, a broken relationship, or simply of being alone are magnified during the holiday. Look for those around you who are hurting and care for them, spend time with them, love them.

For those that lost a child, here are two posts I wrote ,on Coping and Surviving Christmas and Handling the Holidays.

Just know that while the Holiday Blues can be emotional, intense and upsetting, these feelings tend to be temporary and last at the most for about 2 weeks. The Blues end and people generally feel better once the holiday season is over and get back into their normal daily routine.

For many years after my son died, Christmas was a dreaded holiday by my husband. In turn, I dreaded his sour mood. Today, I look forward to the holiday season more than ever. I smile and sigh that finally my husband is able to handle the holidays a little bit better. I gather in my blessings and count them all. I count the blessings of the most important people in my life and I find the peace that comes with counting a holiday of joy remembered and love shared. Love never dies, and the light always shines in our hearts and home.

Image via blog.carvana.com

12Dec 2014

Recognition at the #SINAG Financial Literacy Digital Journalism Awards

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 1 Comment

Allow me to toot my horns for a bit and appreciate the recognition in receiving first runner up of the #SINAG Financial Literacy Digital Journalism Awards held December 11 at the Manila Polo Club. The #SINAG Financial Literacy Digital Journalism Awards is Sunlife’s way to enjoin online influencers to encourage Filipinos to become more financially prepared and break free from ignorance, worry, debt and financial dependency. When I was invited to submit this blog, I didn’t think I had enough posts in 2014 to be considered. I only wrote three posts for the year: Money management tips for the family, Affirmations of financial success and Making a choice for a brighter life.

Photo via Sunlife

My family is no stranger to financial challenges. If there is one thing I often remind my children, it is “no matter the state of our financial situation, we need to implement some sort of money management or else all that money will be gone in an instant.” I’d like to think my children have managed their finances well. At least they are financially independent and living on their own. I am so proud of them. It is my belief that a parent should prepare their children to live on their own. I lost my mother when I was a teenager so I wanted my daughters to have a mindset of supporting themselves without me. Of course, giving gifts and a little shopping for them are just perks and me, being a mommy. I miss being a mom of little kids. I know I should have taught them more such as being entrepreneurial and starting a business of their own.

Photo via Sunlife

This recognition reminds me to write more about money management tips or financial literacy. I actually wrote a lot in the past years but it is now buried deep in the archives.

I am thankful for Sun Life for this recognition. Incidentally , I invested in Sun Life Financial in 2011 because one of the editors in the Philippine Online Chronicles was Kendrick Chua who was very persuasive with his pitch, to place some of my savings with them.

If there is anything I can share, it is that preparing for a financially secure future requires taking action today:

1.Increase your cash flow;

2. Reduce or eliminate debt;

3. Take baby steps in savings and investing;

4. Review your finances periodically;

5. Communicate with your family.

05Dec 2014

Lifes resolution

by webs ⋅ Leave a Comment

By Lakwatserang Paruparo, as originally posted on Blog Watch, Philippine Online Chronicles

Back in grade school and high school, our teachers would often ask us to write down our new year’s resolutions after the Christmas break. After that time, I stopped writing mine. After all, I wasn’t really keen in following them so to this day, I never write down my new year’s resolutions.

Instead of New Year’s resolutions, why don’t we draw up our own life resolutions as the year is drawing to a close? Let me share with you some principles I’ve lived by, consciously or unconsciously, for the past 51 years. Once in a while, I check myself with these and see how I’ve measured up to my own standards.

1. SIMPLIFY

The closest thing I can do to live a simple life is to unclutter my house and life. We don’t have much closet space at home so twice a year I go through clothes, bags, shoes, other personal and household items and sort what needs to be given away, thrown or recycled.

Sometimes, the same holds true for people in our lives. There are certain friendships or relationships we can probably do without so those people don’t have to clutter our lives. We’ll find out later that we do not miss them anyway.

2. LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY

Life is an endless learning process so whether we are 7 or 77, we can learn something everyday from the young and the old alike. With an open mind and humble heart, there is always room to learn a new skill, a new language and/or a new task.

3. BE SINCERE, DON’T FAKE IT

When it comes to stuff, most people would want the “real thing” if they can afford it. That is also true in life. A bright smile, a warm hug and a sincere compliment: priceless!

4. IF I THINK IT AND I FEEL IT, I CAN DO IT

I realized early on when I put my heart and mind to do something I can do it. With me, I either put my soul into it, or I quit. Determination is the key.

5. BEING THERE

A lot of us, family and friends, are separated by oceans and islands and yet, when the hour of need arises, like when someone is sick or a family member dies, we can be there for each other, either by physical presence or virtual presence. What is important is we remember each other, we empathize with one another and we are there for each other in whatever way we can. It means so much to show love and affection for loved ones while we still can. That is one reason why I make it a point to remember birthdays, say a little prayer for people close to me and greet them if I can, sometimes with handmade greeting cards or handwritten notes.

6. NO ERASURES, WRONG SPELLING WRONG

When I was in Kindergarten, my mother told me to keep my work neat always. My students would remember me for this little reminder whenever we had a quiz or an exam. In real life, we make mistakes and it is difficult to undo them sometimes. I remind my own children they should be sure of themselves the first time they do something so they would not keep on erasing or crossing out costly mistakes otherwise they would come up with a messy paper, a messy work and a messy life.

7. LET THE MILK SPILL

A mother needs tons of patience in order to bring up children. When my kids were very young, I had such a knack for order and neatness in the house so a little dust or disarray would get into my nerves. Later, I wondered what memories my children could possibly have of home when they grow up. When I saw how comfortable they were in their grandparents’ place where there were not much rules, I lowered my guard and let them just enjoy being at home. Until now, we do not even have a carpet in our living room so they can be free to move. Whenever a dish or glass breaks in the kitchen, I just clean up and not say a word. It is more important to have a whole child than a whole corning ware.

8. BE KIND, BE COMPASSIONATE

Kindness is one virtue that is slowly being eroded. Somehow it is easier for people to be rude. I believe we should be kind most especially to people who may be economically less fortunate than we are, like helpers, guards, vendors, janitors and waiters, because such kindness could go a long way. Being compassionate means being able to feel what others feel when you are in their shoes.

9. KEEP A PROMISE

If I can help it, I do not make promises I cannot keep especially to a child because I do not want to create a string of broken promises. But when I do, I make sure to keep them at all cost.

10. FREEZE TIME, TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS

We may never pass any way again, not in the same manner we passed through it the first time. As much as possible, we should weave memories that will be worth looking back to especially on days when we lack inspiration, feel down and simply miss the good old days. Of course, it would be great to see them in photos, too. I still go for taking photos for memories and not for posting in network sites which is, sadly, what it is for a lot of people these days,.

11. KEEPING THE GOLDEN RULE SHINING

Almost every religion in the world carries the principle of the golden rule. Come to think of it, it all boils down to what we really want for ourselves. Give love, get love in return. Smile and you get a smile back. Harm others, harm will be done to you as well. It is as simple as “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.

12. EAT DESSERT SOMETIMES

Life would seem miserable for those who go through it with not an iota of enjoyment. Some people just work their butts off all day and night and end up feeling unhappy. Once in a while, we should get a break from it all and savor the little pleasures that life can give, like spending a day at the salon, shopping with a friend, taking a walk in the park with a loved one or eating chocolate cake without busting a diet. It is one way of bouncing back and regaining energy to face the rigors of work life again.

13. GROW OLD GRACEFULLY

When I reached my early 40’s a thought hit me: I am growing old! Menopause is just a few years away! I admit being scared at first but I tried very hard to change my mindset and told myself I will grow old with grace and poise. I vowed to keep my mind young and sharp by reading and writing and keeping a positive attitude. The looks will eventually follow, I suppose.

14. BREVITY IS THE NAME OF THE GAME

Although this article does not speak well of brevity, keeping it short and simple but meaty in other ways, like in a speech, goes a long way.

15. GOOD MANNERS, RIGHT CONDUCT: TIMELESS!

My family is not perfect; we have our flaws, too. But since we were kids, my parents taught us good manners and right conduct, basic human behaviors worth doing. One doesn’t need a Master’s Degree to master these; even a toddler can do these. It’s like what Robert Fulghum wrote, “All I need to know, I learned in Kindergarten” like saying “thank you,” “excuse me” and “I’m sorry.”

16. GIVE UNTIL IT HURTS

The principle of giving is universal. The time, talent and treasure you give come back to you a hundredfold if given out of a sincere and cheerful heart.

17. LIVE IN THE NOW

We never really know what the next moment or the next hour will bring us, much more the next day.
LIVE in the NOW. Not later. NOW. This does not mean we should not plan ahead. This does not mean a fatalistic view of things. This does not mean we should just stand still just because we do not know what tomorrow brings. No, this simply means we should make every moment count with every word, every action, and every step we make so there’s no room for regret later.

18. VALUE THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIPS

In life, no matter how many people we meet along the way, everything boils down to who matters most in the end. They are the ones you value most: your loved ones – spouses, children, parents, siblings, family – and true friends who have seen you through the best and worst times of your life and yet have never left you no matter what. I say, in these relationships, the motto is often “walang iwanan!”

19. LOVE NEVER FAILS

There’s nothing more apt than what the bible says that we love because God first loved us. We all make mistakes in life, human as we are. I like what one counselor said that every person has something precious in him/her and that is the breath of God and therefore, he/she has the unfailing love of God as well. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. True love never fails.” Need I say more?

20. HOLD ON TO FAITH

Faith is what keeps most people up and about despite the storms they go through in their lives. I may not really be a religious person but deep inside I have this faith that has seen me through so many rough times in my life. I do believe the Christian faith or whatever faith other people may have should not be merely preached but is best lived and lived well not just for one’s self but more for the good of others and for the glory of God.

It is by God’s goodness, grace and great love that I live.

How about you? Have you thought of your own life’s resolutions?

02Dec 2014

Life is short. Have a love affair with yourself.

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

There is a lot of buzz on this Ashley Madison, “married dating company” that is now active in the Philippines. Imagine there are now 2,500 users. The Philippines is even seeking to block this “Ashley Madison adultery website”. The site “invites married folks to commit adultery without getting caught. The 12-year-old site which was founded in Canada is reportedly going strong in Catholic countries abroad. With the success of such teleseryes like “The Legal Wife” and “Two Wives,” the people behind Ashley Madison expect the Philippines to become one of their top five markets.”

Thanks to media for making affairs look so exciting.

Christoph Kraemer, the company’s European communications director and spokesperson told ABS-CBN that some of their users, ” say their relationship with their spouses improved after having an affair. It’s like the spark and passion were reignited. And it’s very telling that in its 12 years of existence and 30 million members, not once have [we] been been cited in a court case as a reason to get a divorce. We don’t endanger a marriage, we actually help save a marriage”.

CEO Noel Biderman told the New York Observer: “Infidelity is happening [in Muslim countries] anyway….In the Muslim world, I can provide women the opportunity to have discreet affairs and not risk their marriages, or something more severe.”

Ashley Madison FAQ says that the site does not, in fact, encourage infidelity. “In fact, if you are having difficulty with your relationship, you should seek counseling.”

I can’t relate to why people cheat. Charles Orlando wrote an article “Why Women Cheat: A Married Man Goes Undercover On Ashley Madison “. Here are some of his reflections:

Some were looking to have sex, period. Others were looking to subsidize their current relationship with a human connection… and if it led to sex, even better. But all were clear that they were not leaving their current relationship. These weren’t monkeys getting a grip on the next branch before letting go of the first. They just wanted to feel what they used to feel from the man in their life.

The most common complaint was a lack of passion and effort by the man in their current relationship. It makes sense. When a man begins dating a woman, he puts in tons of effort; he woos her. Once she’s “his,” he stops putting in that effort, but she still longs for it. She wants to be desired, seduced, and connected with on a regular basis.

See , it was all about the lack of passion. Something was needed to spice it up. But does it have to be a married dating website?

I don’t know enough to understand how this dating website works. If that is your kind of thing, it is not mine. I will speak for myself. Call me old-fashioned and traditional but if I want to rekindle the passion in my marriage, I will not have an affair. Yes, using this dating website is having an affair because there is psychological cheating. Doing so devalues my human dignity. I love myself too much to resort to cheating. Yes, I did have marital problems. Instead of blaming my husband, I worked on myself. Our married life has never been better. There are the occasional irritants but I choose my battles.

Like I said, infidelity occurs once you date someone , even from a distance. I have found ways to spice my life , with or without my husband. In the end, it strengthened my marriage . Here is what I did:

1. I recall what made me fall in love with my husband and worked on that memory. It helped that I had a diary that chronicled the conversations of sweet nothings.

2. Good friends especially my girl-friends spice up my life. Oh how we talk honestly about our sex life during coffee. Even if I may encounter challenges, my deep love and commitment motivates me to work things out. Male friends are good too but I prefer that they are with my girl-friends in the same conversation.

3. Most of all, loving myself unconditionally I am a strong believer that if you love yourself first, love overflows. I worked on how I looked. I went to the gym and lost those excess fats. I reinvented my fashion style and stopped wearing frumpy clothes that hid my fats. Taking in a new career in blogging also helped because it exposed me to new friendships and experiences.

I believe , “You cannot give what you do not have.” I find that I am a better wife, a better mother, a more compassionate friend, after I spent time nurturing myself.

4. Believe in giving second chances. It takes two to a marriage. I knew I had to take care of myself , first and foremost. I had to give myself a second chance. A second chance to be a more loving wife and mother. A second chance to be more financially independent and a second chance to be a better person.

It takes two to make a relationship work. It is easy to blame the other partner if something fails in a relationship. I used to blame my husband for every little thing without even checking if I too had my faults. When I took away the focus from my husband and turned to myself, wonderful things happened to me, my family and my life, in general.

Life is short. Enjoy. Make the most out of it. Start with having a love affair with yourself.

30Nov 2014

My first introduction to Yin Yoga with Victor Chng

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 3 Comments

“It is easy to distract ourselves with what’s going on in the body when we are moving a lot or doing a lot of things. But when we slow down, we begin to wake up, wake up to the truth of who we are and where are at the moment” – Dona Tumacder-Esteban, August 2014

The toughest journey in my life was learning to live after the loss of a son. Denial and distraction only numbed the pain . I did not know what hit me back in 2004 while I sat on the living room couch. Alone and frustrated, I prayed to God, and my beloved Luijoe on what I could do to fix my family life. I felt everything was falling apart. Sitting still on the couch, I felt the answers flowing through my mind. A touch of an angel…my angel Luijoe. I felt the comfort of my son’s love . From that day on, I fixed my life, one baby step at a time. It is true that when we slow down, we begin to wake up. It is waking up to the truth of who we are and where we are at that moment. One of the first things I did in 2005 was to lose weight , which meant exercising at the gym. It felt great to lose all that fat. Ten years has passed me by, and life is good. Living a new normal now, meant gaining new friends, knowledge and experience. I am a work in progress and need to work on improving myself.

Photo via Jane Uymatiao

Jane Uymatiao, a dear friend and business partner is part of my new normal because we met when we ventured into blogging in 2006. A certified Yin Yoga teacher herself, she invited me to join “Wellbeing from the Yin-side” together with four resource persons and her Yin Yoga teacher , Victor Chng. I don’t really know much about yoga except that I think the poses are challenging. Still, I came with an open mind.

The four resource speakers were all amazing. “Waiting for the World to Change? A Holistic Look at Behavior Modification” was done by Ria Tirazona. Her talk explored what it is that holds us back from breaking free from our habitual patterns and what stops us from letting go of habits that limit our potential. Through building awareness about the relationship between behaviors and the perceptions or mental processes behind it, we can take the steps to modify behaviors, effect personal transformation, and carry this out to fruition.

Dinah Salonga talked about “Changing from within: Developing Emotional intelligence through mindfulness” . Learning a simple mindfulness practice, for as little as 2 minutes a day for 8 weeks, can change your life. She also tacked the neuroscience behind mindfulness and how it reprograms the brain so we can better regulate attention and emotional response.

The key takeaway she told us to remember was to create useful mental habits when dealing with people and relationships : “Just like me” and “I wish for this person to be happy”. I only wish good vibes to all my friends and loved ones, and even critics. In fact, I owe my critics for making me look deep into myself and see what needs to be improved. I wish them to be happy too.

Dr Francisco Kit Navarro on ” Exercise: Why we don’t and What we can” talked from the perspective of Traditional Chinese Medicine and taking a holistic look at exercise and the importance of cultivating our body for health, wellbeing and quality of life.

An important topic on “Women’s Health Front and Center: Why Taking Care of Women is Taking Care of the Community” was tackled by Dona Tumacder-Esteban. When we examine the state of wellbeing of the family, one should take look at the health of the women who are nurturing them. This talk explored the crucial role of women in shaping community wellbeing, highlights important factors, and gives practical advice on where to start so we can shift towards a healthier community.

So much food for thought out there that I was raring to start the Yin Yoga session . Yin Yoga is a quiet and simple practice, but I discovered it was not that easy because my muscles were tight. I also had issues with my knees which were injured from a fall. I really love the principles that Victor Chng explained such as the principle of grounding , holding and relaxation.

Yin yoga targets our deepest tissues of the body, our connective tissues — ligaments, joints, bones, and the deep fascia networks of the body — rather than the muscles. I constantly work on my muscles at the gym but fail to work on the connective tissues. Yin Yoga is the answer. As newbie, the yin yoga is a great introduction .

Jane was telling me that athletes join Yin Yoga as it offers deep release on many levels, strengthening and lengthening the connective tissues in the body, healthy stressing of joints, increasing range of motion, opening and clearing energy channels and ultimately giving a feeling of ease and lightness in the body. These were just a few of the poses that Victor demonstrated. Jane explains more on What happens in Yin Yoga?

This is just my first time in yoga and I know I will get better in time, with more patience and practice. Patience is Yin, right? Yes, beginners like me can definitely start a yoga journey with Yin Yoga. I have been through a lot in my grief journey and a yoga journey will be different. It will surely be more exciting but challenging .

If you are interested to explore more about Yin Yoga, just contact Jane on twitter @yogajane or at her blog yoginifrommanila.com

29Nov 2014

Coming soon: A nation where kids rule- KidZania Manila

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

Something exciting will soon happen for kids in Manila. If I had young kids, I know they would be thrilled with KidZania , which is set to open at the Bonifacio Global City in 2015. Cebu Pacific announced it will launch its newest flights to the nation where kids rule- KidZania Manila. The journey of KidZania begins at an airport, the KidZania International Airport. Kids will check in at Cebu Pacific counters, get their boarding passes and enter KidZania Manila, a child-sized , interactive play city built just for them. This family educational entertainment center is designed as a real city to provide the ultimate role playing environment for kids 3-14 years old.

Role play is a fun, and a ‘playful’ activity for children and is also a key component of learning. It is such an effective learning tool as it encourages children to become active participants in their learning. The KidZania Manila will be a hit for sure.

Take a look at this KidZania in London:

In KidZania Manila, children can role-play over 100 exciting careers, from pilots and doctors, engineers and bank tellers, to actors and artists. I wonder if there is a politician role playing or a mayor , perhaps? There will be an aviation academy, bank, fire station, hospital, television station, and a variety of other establishments that form the inner-working core of a real city.

Inside the aviation academy, children can train to be a Cebu Pacific Pilot or flight attendant. With the help of Zupervisors, the pilots of KidZania can experience taking off and landing an aircraft using flight simulators. Kids earn in KidZos, the official KidZania currency , when they work at different establishments. They can choose to save or spend these KidZos during their visit. Oh, and adults are not allowed inside KidZania. I hope safety is ensured by the supervisors for concerned parents.

These are exciting times for kids as they explore myriad of roles so they can discover their talents and help create a better world.

21Nov 2014

Expressing love through the language of flowers

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

“Love is like a beautiful flower which I may not touch, but whose fragrance makes the garden a place of delight just the same.” Helen Keller

My seventies teen life was filled with flower power . Using flowers to express a movement gets at the heart of hippie identity which I could relate to. As a teen, the flower power drawings were everywhere. I even doodled flowers with a smilie in my diary . Perhaps that Flower Power movement made such a huge impact to my psyche, that to this day, I adorn my home with flowers.

Flowers is one way to express love.

A long time ago, when my ex-boyfriend ( now my husband) and I had a little spat, we took a time out. One afternoon , I heard my officemates shriek with delight. Looking up from my work, I was surprised to see my boyfriend looking sheepishly at the door, with a dozen , long stemmed red roses. Ah the rose, an iconic symbol of love caused my heart to race like anything. I was playing hard to get so I appeared hesitant as I held on to the bouquet of roses and said nothing. I never underestimated the importance of a heart-felt apology, with or without flowers. After some time, I warmed up and teased him, “I ‘d love to receive flowers even if we don’t squabble”.

When we finally got married, my husband would surprise me with a gorgeous bouquet of mums , carnations or roses “just because” he wanted to. Who wouldn’t feel loved with the thought?

No distance is too far, no time too long and no other love can break me apart with my daughter who studied in Australia two years ago. She found ways to send me a Mother’s day bouquet of colorful chrysanthemums, roses, large lilies, gerberas and hydrangeas. Her bouquet just touched me so much that my eyes just welled up in tears. I am sure others feel the same love from a distance and buying Fresh Flowers online is an option.

One of the fondest memory of my son, Luijoe are the wild flowers he gathered from the park . With eyes twinkling as he held out the flowers, he scrambled up to my lap , gave me a hug and smacked a wet kiss on my cheek while uttering I love you so very much, Mama. It is my turn to give him fresh flowers at his resting place. Memories of my beloved Luijoe saying , “I love you so very much, mama” warms my heart. As I laid down the flowers for Luijoe, I whispered “You know how much I love you, don’t you?” As I gaze at the lovely flowers, I marvel at God’s creation on the beauty of life. I feel the love in my heart.

20Nov 2014

Real Beauty, undeniably, comes from within #WeAreBeautiful

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

Attending the recent #WeAreBeautiful event brought out a lot of interesting statistics about how Filipina girls thought of themselves. In a locally-commissioned study by Dove on young Filipina adolesecent girls, the result reflected that 2 out of 3 girls feel pressured to look beautiful coming from external pressure from peers and friends. This does not stop the same girls from being hopeful about their future. What is interesting though is that 81% of the respondents still consider their mom as their role model, which is much higher than the global average of 55%.

I used to have beauty anxiety when I was a young child up to my early teens. My uncles would often tease how dark I looked. Perhaps the teasing came about because my mother was fair-skinned. I grew up feeling ugly until I reached 14 years old . Looking at the mirror, I smiled at my image said to myself, “I am beautiful” . Well, I looked more beautiful if I smiled because my non-smiling face makes me look angry. The facts and figures surrounding beauty anxiety in young girls and the pressure to squeeze into rigid definitions is a cause of concern. It affects their self-esteem . I should know. During my elementary years, my grades were below average even failing Filipino or Sewing class. It was only in High School that I realized I was smart after all.

Dove affirmed that mothers have the potential to be catalysts of change and create a future of empowered women. Dove added that every “Dove girl is a mother who taught her to believe in her own beauty”. The video “Dove Legacy” made me reflect about how moms felt about their bodies. In the video, the featured moms were asked how they felt about their bodies. The same question was posed to their respective daughters. The results were surprising. The insecurities of monthers were clearly mirrored by the insceurities that their children have developed. The same goes with what they are happiest about with their body.

The film emphasizes the role every mom plays in the formation of her daughter. Because daughters often mirror their mothers’ actions, moms wield the power to mold their children into confident, empowered women. I asked myself if I had somehow mirrored some of my actions to my daughters. Only my daughters can affirm this because I know I made mistakes that I have passed on to them. One thing I know for sure is I often complain of my body weight. Being fat is not just a beauty concern. It is a health issue so I keep checking myself for body mass index. I hope my daughters think it is not just being vain. Going to the gym for the past nine years is taking a pro-active approach to battle the bulge and being fit. I am glad my daughters also bring exercise in their lives by enrolling in gym class, dance class or yoga.

As Lee Haney said “Parents must lead by example. Don’t use the cliche; do as I say and not as I do. We are our children’s first and most important role models.” If there is a beauty legacy I want to impart, it is that I want my daughters to love themselves first. To love yourself, you first need to know yourself, to realize and appreciate your unique, individual ways. A discovery late in life taught me that a loving relationship with myself works because it leads to a loving relationship with others . Loving yourself will eventually show in every action one takes. When we believe in ourselves, we shine with the confidence and vibe we exude.

Real Beauty, undeniably, comes from within.

Do you believe what your daughter feels about herself starts with you?

18Nov 2014

Join the conspiracy of kindness

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

Written by Edel Cayetano, originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” – Henry James

Kindness, perhaps, is the most important virtue. It encompasses all the other values people strive for – gratitude, honesty and generosity. If people were kinder, life would be a lot easier, and the world, a better place. There could never be enough kindness in the world if you ask me, but it doesn’t mean we should stop trying to be a little nicer to others.

It doesn’t come as a surprise that there is such a thing as World Kindness Day every November 13. The idea for this heartwarming occasion came about when a collection of humanitarian groups came together this exact same day 17 years ago and made a “Declaration of Kindness.” Likewise, on Kindness Day, everyone is encouraged to make the same declaration, and act on it. Reflecting on the kindness one has received from others is also part of the celebration.

World Kindness Day is the perfect time go beyond boundaries, race and religion. Whether you choose to volunteer your time at a charitable institution, donate books to a local library or just hold the door open for a stranger – keep in mind that there is no big or small gesture. Kindness, just like happiness, has a snowballing effect, what matters is that you practice it.

Reasons to be kinder

It’s not always easy to put the needs of others ahead of yours, but if you’re willing to make an effort, it can be done. But why strive to be kind when everyone seems to be the opposite?

When you are kinder to others, you tend to be kinder towards yourself. After all, how can you give what you do not have? Being kind to yourself is also a way to feed your creative soul, as Michael Nobbs of Sustainably Creative said, “if you’re someone with limited energy, then you’ll want to make the very best use of what creative energy you do have, and looking after it by feeding it well is really the best thing you can do.”

Nobbs also has a few ideas on how you can be kinder to yourself. Read about them here.

You get what you give. The power of attraction warrants that when you are kind to others, you inspire them to do the same. By being more thoughtful and nicer, you start waves of kindness that touch others and ultimately, come back to you.
It makes you happy. Not only do acts of kindness make the word a better place to live in, it also gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling that money can’t buy.
It is good for your health. “Improved psychological health and happiness comes from thinking more positively, and kindness is a positive mental state. While kindness is about giving and being open to others, it returns a sense of well-being and connectedness to us that improves our own mental state and health,” shares WikiHow. The ability to be kind is also a powerful self-esteem booster.

How to be kinder

I personally believe that kindness is innate in us, but we could also cultivate it by choice. Here are some ways to do so:

Develop a kinder perspective. WikiHow explains this in a step-by-step guide which encourages people to:

Care for others genuinely.
Don’t be kind for the sake of getting what you want.
Learn kindness from others.
Be kind to everyone, not just people “in need” or those who make it easy to be kind to. Check out Tiny Buddha’s ‘4 Ways to be kind when you don’t feel like it.’

Practice an attitude of gratitude. When you constantly think of the things you are grateful for, you tend to be in a much better mood and consequently, become much nicer to others. Happy people are often the kind bunch.
Stop criticizing. When you judge others, you fail to see the beauty in them. Don’t resort to focusing on other people’s flaws to feel better about yourself. Not only is it a lose-lose situation, it also curbs productivity. Instead of being hard on others, try to be more encouraging instead.
Put yourself in other people’s shoes. When you change your point of view, you can gain powerful insights about other people and about yourself.
Make positive observations about people. Ditch your habit of spotting the things that annoy you about people and instead, try to see the good things about them and make sure to let them know.
Be present. “The greatest gift of kindness to another person is to be in the moment in their presence – to be listening with care, and to be genuinely attentive to them.” Stop being too busy and change other people’s notion of you as the one who always rushes off. And stay away from your phone, please.
Awash yourself in the positive memories of the times when you were kind. According to the Positivity Blog, being kind becomes easier and easier when you remind yourself how good it felt to lend a hand.
Take the higher road. Choose your battles. Avoid unnecessary conflict and drama whenever you can because they only waste your time and energy.
Be kind to yourself. How you treat others seeps back into how you treat yourself.

More ideas

It doesn’t take much to show someone somewhere an act of kindness. Here are more ideas on how to be kinder, but of course, you are more than welcome to use your imagination.

Say ‘please,’ ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ and actually mean it.
Compliment someone at work for a job well done.
Bring snacks for everyone on your next meeting. Brownies or cookies would be nice.
Organize a clothing or food drive on your neighborhood for a local shelter. (Just in time for Christmas.)
Express your gratitude to someone who has made a difference in your life. Why not start with your parents?
Cheer up a loved one with a surprise gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It’s the thought that counts!
Stop complaining and be more conscious about the thoughts that you share with others. (Facebook is a good place to start.)

To get more inspired in striving for a culture of kindness and becoming a RAKtivist (Random Acts of Kindness Activist), visit the Random Acts of Kindness website.

Happy World Kindness Day!

*‘Join the conspiracy of kindness’ by Wade M courtesy of Flickr. Published under CC license.

16Nov 2014

[Fighting to live] The story of Baltazar Lucas

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

I once got Hepatitis B while I was pregnant with my second daughter. It turned out to be Acute Hepatitis . Fortunately, my daughter got protected from the infection but still she was immunized with immunoglobulin right after delivery.

Hepatitis infection can lead to liver cancer. As of 2010, there are about 1.4 million deaths from Hepatitis B and C infection, including acute infections and those that result in liver cancer.

Here is the story of Baltazar Lucas who I hope gets the help he needs.

Dr. Janus Ong, a transplant hepatologist and a Master of Public Health from the Johns Hopkins University said that an estimated 7.3 million Filipinos, or 16.7% of the adult population, are chronically infected with the hepatitis B virus. This alarming rate is much higher than in other countries in the Western Pacific Region.

Out of this number of hepatitis infections, between 1.1 and 1.9 million are expected to die prematurely of cirrhosis or liver cancer.

“I have a 31 year-old patient with liver cancer caused by hepatitis B. He was diagnosed in November 2013 and had immediate surgery. Unfortunately the cancer came back shortly after. At this time, he urgently needs a liver transplant or his disease will progress. And – his wife is pregnant with their second child,” says Dr. Ong.

Dr. Ong added, “but the story doesn’t end there. This man’s youngest brother died of liver failure. A few months later, another of his brothers died of liver cancer. Then, another brother died of liver cancer. How can I not try to help him? His mother, who is herself infected with chronic hepatitis B, had four sons. Now she only has one. If there is a way to potentially cure her remaining son, I have to do it.”

“The main concern of this young man is fighting disease,” he said.

Editors at a POC Editorial meeting in October with Baltazar Lucas

Helping a brave soul

Dr. Ong’s patient is 31-year old Baltazar ‘Vhal’ Lucas. He is the eldest and the only living survivor in a brood of four. In a fateful twist of luck, Vhal’s younger brothers all succumbed to liver cancer.

His youngest brother, Mark, contracted tuberculosis in 2008. During medication, Mark’s condition worsened and their family learned that he has Hepatitis B. Mark died of liver failure that same year. The doctor advised the family to take tests for Hepatitis B. It was then that Vhal and his brothers discovered that they also have chronic Hepatitis B like their mother.

In the summer of 2013, the second eldest, Aristotle, felt pain in his stomach that was accompanied with constant fatigue. He thought that his condition was only due to the very hot weather. After a series of medical tests, Aristotle was diagnosed with late stage liver cancer. He died in September 2013.

During the wake, Joseph, felt pain in his right stomach. His family had him checked after Aristotle’s funeral. It was discovered that Joseph already had stage 3 liver cancer and that it had spread to his lungs. He died after two months of battling with the disease. The unfortunate turn of events severely saddened the Lucas family.

At the time of Joseph’s wake, Vhal had himself tested. He is afflicted with liver cancer, now on third stage. In December 2013, Vhal underwent surgery to have a 10-centimeter tumor removed from his liver. But his cancer came back shortly after.

While the cancer cells have not spread to his other organs, he was advised by doctors to undergo liver transplant because his liver is no longer healthy due to scarring caused by cirrhosis.

Despite his illness, Vhal still goes to work as a computer programmer to support his medication and his family’s needs. He is now raising funds for his liver transplant operation that could cost more than P4.5-million. He has already approached various medical and government institutions for assistance. He needs to have the operation as soon as possible. Vhal has a young daughter and his wife is now pregnant with their second child.

He wants to continue living and he is appealing for help — financial assistance and prayers. He is fighting hard to reclaim his life from the fatal disease that took the life of his brothers.

To know more about Vhal’s brave battle against liver cancer, watch the video below:

To donate for Vhal’s liver transplant operation, go to his GoFund site.

It is not always possible to prevent liver cancer but maintaining a healthy lifestyle and self-care measures can help. Vaccines for hepatitis B are commonly available for children and adults. If you are at risk for hepatitis B or C infection, consider undergoing a screening test.

Images: Screengrabbed from Youtube.com. With permission from Baltazar Lucas. Some rights reserved.

Parts of this post was originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles.

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