Touched by An Angel

09Nov 2014

What do people live for?

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

““Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think.”
Horace

This TV commercial is based on a real story and it touches a chord in each one of us who lost a loved one, be it a spouse, a parent, a sibling or a child. A group of old men decide to revisit their motorcycling youth after one of their own passes away. I know the feeling all too well .

TC Bank’s television commercial by Taiwan’s Ogilvy & Mather creative team have created a three-minute ad for a Taiwan bank that asks the question, “What do people live for?”

Have you ever felt you lost a dream? and thought to live it in some other way?

Dreams shattered, one wonders if life is worth living at all. Most bereaved pose that question : “What is there to live for?” despite the fact they may still have loved ones left. I cannot begin to imagine those that have lost whole families.

How does one even begin to live after a loss? I cannot begin to imagine the loss of lives that struck families in Yolanda-affected provinces even if I lost my precious child 14 years ago.

I did not pick up the pieces right away. I believe I had to go through the pain to get through it. And just one day five years after the death of my son, in a moment of silence and solitude, I got my answer. It is true that “No one ever finds life worth living – one has to make it worth living”.

It is simply a choice. As I have written in my first blog post , I chose joy over a lifetime of sadness. It is said that grief is inevitable but misery is optional. I realized that it did no good to sit in my misery pit. It does no good for the loss of my son to lead to the loss of two (me and my son).

It was a decision to lead the second part of my life differently and better than I would have imagined .

I wanted to live a new life, the best possible life . I wanted a meaningful life: to live with honor, integrity, courage, compassion, etc. I know being a homemaker for many years left me shy and unexposed to the outside world. This new life had to be outside my comfort zone to reach out to others like me. Along the way, things fell into place, a baby step at a time. I continue to live my dreams everyday, to make an impact, to go beyond my normal routine as a homemaker , to enjoy life, to keep on loving even when loving is hard to do.

I leave you with thoughts to focus on …

““Whatever the tasks, do them slowly
with ease,
in mindfulness,
so not do any tasks with the goal
of getting them over with.
Resolve to each job in a relaxed way,
with all your attention.”
– Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Master

26Oct 2014

All for Children collection at H&M available on October 30

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

Aww… I wish I had small kids. I would be dressing them up for Halloween or just play dress-up.

I visited the preview of this year’s All for Children collection at H&M building. I expected to see the children’s line only but I was pleasantly surprised to see even men and women’s collection. I am such a fan of H&M because their size large fits me perfectly.

Before heading off to the children’s collection, I wanted to try on their coats first. This one cost something like 6,000 pesos.

There are so many gorgeous dresses for me but unfortunately I could not buy any pieces in this showroom.

Finally it was time to check on the “All for Children” Line. They offer an innovative way to play dress-up, with a fantasy world of pieces with a contemporary edge. This Ninja turtle will surely be a hit.

The activewear-inspired collection is for children of all ages, and will be available from October 30th in selected H&M stores worldwide, as well as online.

Twenty-five percent of sales from the All for Children collection will support UNICEF in helping the most vulnerable children of our world to build a better future through education.

The collection offers an adventure into the forest, with pieces that use color, texture and prints to reflect woodland flora and fauna.

The results are perfect for autumn play, and include items such as a down vest with a reflective feather print, a glow-in-the-dark terry sweatshirt with bat wings, and a jacquard-knit poncho decorated to resemble a folkloric owl.

Functionality is equally important, so the collection contains pieces such as a coated cotton parka with a pile lining, thermal base-layer garments to help keep kids warm as the temperature drops, and a reversible blazer with a reflective insect print.

Accessories help create a complete fantasy world: gorilla gloves, beetle-shaped bags, a headlamp with fox’s eyes, and a faux-fur raccoon’s tail.

“We wanted to present a totally new way of dressing up – one with style as well as imagination. It’s great that such fun pieces will raise funds for such an important cause,” says Emilia Mravec, designer, New Development.

H&M launched the All for Children initiative with UNICEF in 2009 with a $4.5-million donation to help children in some of the world’s poorest communities. Initially concentrating on southern India and Bangladesh, H&M’s support to UNICEF has so far positively impacted the lives of over one million children. This autumn’s All for Children collection is a chance for customers to make a personal contribution and help UNICEF give children a better start in life through early education and development.

It’s good to know that H&M is part of UNICEF efforts to make a difference in the lives of over one million children.

24Oct 2014

When to give a child cell phone and social media rights

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

When the youngest in our family was growing up, the Internet had just started up here in the country. I do remember having to listen to the whistling handshake of older modems as connection was established. However, what did that mean to our youngest sister? Surprisingly, when she was around twelve, we let her have access to the Internet, and I am glad to say that she is more or less well-adjusted, if not savvy about online concerns.

However, it’s important to note that before she went online, she was immersed in a family that encouraged reading (she still has her library, as do I), and that we were also very much involved in making sure that if she did watch movies, we would be there with her (for the most part). Thus, she has developed a healthy appetite for good movies… and outstandingly whacky B-movies as well.

The key, in retrospect, with how my sister was prepared for the Internet was that we had already been preparing her somehow through the way we introduced literature to her, and that also, thanks to how history turned out… there was no chance for her to be exposed to the Internet at a younger age.

Living in the Online World
That sort of preparation, sadly, isn’t possible anymore, because the moment our future generations are born, they are Instagrammed. Heck, I’ve seen my friends post photos of ultrasounds on Facebook. The idea of slowly introducing a child to the idea of using a mobile device, social media, and the whole concept of being online is rapidly becoming an exercise in futility.

Mobile phones
Yes, let’s say it clearly: most, if not all mobile telecoms do have options for parents to use when it comes to giving their kids mobile phones and keeping them safe. In general, this would be to give them limited-use mobile phones, where they can only receive calls from and call to people on an authorized list.

While that sounds safe, do remember that all phones are hackable, if you know which store to go to. Unlocking features can be done, and cheaply, for the most part.

The issue becomes even more complicated if you will give them an Android-OS phone or touchscreen mobile phone. Messing around with software is something kids can do much better than adults can.

In general, you should only give a mobile phone to your children if you think they are already responsible enough to have one. And if you won’t give them one, don’t think they won’t have access – phones are cheap now, and a simcard / phone set can be as low as 900 pesos – well within range of student savings, and can be hidden from parents. It’s better that you give them the phone, in that case.

Social Media
Now, all parents have probably read or heard about the various social media horror stories, mostly centering around how children are victimized by abusers, kidnappers, and molesters who pose as other children. Make no mistake, this is a possible scenario for every child, and this is the reason why there is a valid sense of dread for parents when they learn their kids are active in social media.

However, social media, like all online tools, is by nature neutral – it’s on how it is used that the problems start.

Reasonable solutions
One of the big issues when it comes to regulating cellphone and social media use is that what parents would define as reasonable would most definitely be unacceptable to kids and teenagers. Here are some pointers on how to manage the situation:

Be prepared to negotiate
When setting up your rules and requirements, do make sure you have logical arguments ready. Gone are the days of children following their parents without question – because if they do, you should be suspicious. For example, if you say that you won’t give them cellphones until their eighteenth birthday, then you should be honest enough to say that you are afraid that they will be kidnapped or abused. From there, you can start negotiating with them to an acceptable win-win – for example, they can only take their phones with them if they are going out with friends or on field trips. In addition, that they absolutely cannot drop a call on you. And yes, there is absolutely nothing wrong with making them work for the cellphone or mobile device they want, be it through good grades, helping around the house, or just making sure they come home on time and always ask permission truthfully when they are going out somewhere.

In the case of social media, asking for their password is an instant brick wall, so you should tell them that at the very least, you should be friended, with a limited profile access. And the younger they are, the more access you should be given.

There is nothing wrong with setting some lines that you won’t erase in the name of protecting your kids, but you should also remember that it’s the approach to the situation and conversation that will determine if they will understand and do their best to follow you, or if they only look like they are following your rules.

Also: don’t be afraid to set punishment guidelines. After all, they should still learn that breaking the rules will entail consequences.

The mobile conundrum
With iPhone, iPad, and Android mobile devices now becoming the norm, the idea of always being online and always having your system on changes the way that parents should deal with online and telecommunication rights, simply because everything they worry about with their kids is literally in hand.

One ethically questionable but effective way to control or at least monitor mobile device usage is to install monitoring applications – but this approach is a blatant issue when it comes to privacy. Another way is to use parental lock applications and limit all the uses for the mobile device. Unfortunately, this approach will, more often than not, encourage children to find ways to either unlock the functions… or get a new, “personal” mobile device.

Keeping the lines open
As scary as it may sound for parents, the one useful and proven way to protect your kids when it comes to cellphones, social media, and mobile devices is to simply set the rules, and keep your communication lines open. No amount of strict policing will cut it these days. What is important is that they understand that the rules you set are there to help them, not to hinder what they think is theirs by right.

Photo: “Instagram and Other Social Media Apps” by Jason Howie, c/o Flickr.com

Written by Richard Leo Ramos , as originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles

23Oct 2014

How you can help the children survive the food crisis in South Sudan

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

Mothers will do everything to save their child. Veronica Nyamod must have been so tired, walking wearily for more than four hours just to bring her frail one-year-old son , Stephen Nyamod to a clinic near Reke, South Sudan. A BBC report wrote a story on a South Sudanese village two months ago where mothers and children resorted to eating water lilies . South Sudan faces a food crisis. A clinic run by the International Rescue Committee has been treating up to 16 children every week ever since 1.1 million people including 550,000 children were forced to flee their homes due to the fighting between government and rebel forces.

Despite the treatment that Stephen received from the clinic, he failed to show signs of improvement. Stephen weighs only 5kg (11 pounds) and has been losing weight. Such a heartbreaking image of a child who weighs just as much a three month old baby. His mother tries to soothe him as he cries at the doctor’s clinic.

“I only want him to get better. I am lucky we got to the clinic in time. We didn’t have enough food back in the village. There are so many other sick and malnourished children there”, the mother was quoted in a BBC report.

The warning signs were everywhere. The conflict forced famers to flee their homes and now missed the planting season. The United Nations Security Council expressed “grave concern” about the situation and described it as “currently … the worst [food insecurity situation] in the world.”

When you hear such terrible news, one begins to ask is there anything one can do?

Action is being taken now before it is too late.

UNICEF ,the world’s leading advocate for children warned that up to 50,000 children could die of malnutrition by the end of 2014 if they do not receive help.

UNICEF and partners have screened more than 60,000 children against malnutrition and immunised more than 260,000 children against measles, which can be deadly in an emergency.

UNICEF aims to distribute hygiene kits and safe water for cooking and drinking to 450,000 displaced people . UNICEF is also providing safe places for children to learn and play, and reuniting children separated from their families. There is so much work to be done and UNICEF can’t do its work without your help.

Children are dying. More will die soon if we turn our backs on their pleas for help. You can help the vulnerable children with the care and resources they need to survive this food crisis in South Sudan . Every donation will go a long way .

Here is how you can DONATE to help UNICEF meet the urgent needs of children in South Sudan.

Photo via Flickr. Some rights reserved

21Oct 2014

Survival tips on how to be a happy, healthy working mom (Part 2 of 2)

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

Written by Edel Cayetano , as originally posted at Philippine Online Chronicles

After realizing the benefits of being a working mom, you have now decided that working part-time or full-time is the best option for you and your family. Now here are mommyversal survival tips from Parents Online and other web sources to get you through your challenging but rewarding decision:

Let go of the guilt

Working mom’s guilt is practically an epidemic, but rather than dwelling on how you’re not with your child, think about how your role in the company is benefitting your family. Accept that there will be good and bad days, know that you are not alone and discuss your feelings with your partner or a support group.

About Parenting also suggests that you: 1) write down your motivations; 2) stay away from people who make you feel guilty; 3) considering the source of anti-working mom comment; 3) taking a day off just to spend with your child; 4) remembering that all moms have challenges; 5) accepting that trade-offs are inevitable and; 6) bear in mind that life changes.

Also check out Margie Warrell’s letter to working mothers: stop feeling so guilty on Forbes.

Find quality childcare

Accept the fact that you can’t do it all and accept help from your extended family. In Pinoy culture, supportive grandparents are more than happy to care for their apos during a portion of the day. You may also ask your network of friends and family for references to nannies, babysitters and daycare centers.

Don’t dilute your presence with distraction.

“We can be with our kids 24/7 and yet never be fully present to them,” says Margie Warrell of the Forbes. ‘Turning off’ from work and other distractions may be easier said than done, but it’s crucial to be intentional about being fully present to your children whenever you are with them by minimizing the multi-tasking as much as humanly possible. As Jessy Lane of Baby Center shares, “I’ve learned it’s not about the quantity of time I spend with my family, it’s the quality.”

Being disciplined and setting time limits on things you can do while the kids are sleeping (checking email, making phone calls) and avoiding wasting time at the office are just some ways to limits distractions.

Anticipate tasks and get organized.

Jessie Lane, wife to Rusell and mother of five year-old Rylee, reveals her secrets on being a successful working, fulltime mom by detailing her daily schedule. In it, she shares getting organized and completing mundane tasks the night before. She also works in tandem with her husband and they “help each other out in sweet little ways to keep it all running smoothly.”

Create and organize a family calendar.

Figure out your family’s priorities. Mark your calendar with dates when bills are due, a chore chart for the kids, a list of school and family events, extracurricular activities, birthdays and more. Bottom line: be on top of scheduling challenges.

Communicate with your employer.

Before talking to your employer or HR representative, crate a written plan detailing what you need. Research on whether other employees have flexible arrangements and use this information to your advantage by tailoring your proposal to the terms that your employer has already embraced with your coworkers. Try to be as open and honest as possible, but also be prepared to present alternative solutions, like a trial period of your projected work schedule so you can show how the arrangement won’t restrict productivity.

Stay connected during the day.

You can still stay connected with your kids even when you’re not together physically. Parents online suggests recording yourself talking or singing on a video or recording your voice reading along to a children’s book for moms with younger kids, and giving an older child something special in the morning – a personal note or a good luck charm – to remind her of you during the day. Hang pictures of yourself and your partner so the kids can see your faces and call your child during your breaks at work to help you get through a rough day and let her know you’re near.

Create special family activities.

Family time is paramount, and since there will never be enough of it, it should be cherished and enjoyed. Make time for your kids during the week and on the weekends to nurture your family dynamic and allow everyone to bond. Serena Norr of Parents Online suggests creating activities that regularly fit in your schedule so everyone knows what to expect and what to look forward to. And when you do have family outings, avoid talking about work or checking your phone. Instead, focus on your kids’ interests such as friends, classes and hobbies.

Spend time with your partner.

It is important to nurture your relationship with your partner since he will be the number one person by your side. Try to have monthly date nights to get closer, feel rejuvenated and enjoy each other’s company. “Often, if you’re busy with work and home, your partner is the first to get neglected. Fostering this relationship will bring back some excitement to the marriage or partnership and help you “check in” with each other.”

10. Create moments for yourself.

Manage your time wisely and fit in valuable “me” time regularly. You need to take a breather and recharge while also taking care of your personal needs. “Because your time is divided between your home and your career, make sure to manage your energy well. You can’t be an effective spouse or parent if you’re cranky, so take time to care for yourself to feel relaxed and effective,” says Wiss through Parents. Do simple things for yourself like reading your favorite book before bedtime, fitting in time for exercise or treating yourself to a spa day. And of course, eat well and get enough rest.

Being a mother is wonderful, hilarious, messy, exhausting, frustrating, rewarding and beautiful all at the same time. Embrace it and keep in mind that in order to create a happy and healthy home for your family, you need to feel happy, healthy and fulfilled too. Raising kids and keeping a career at the same time is hard, but it is possible. With determination, a clear set of motivations and a lot of help from your partner and your families, you will get by.

*“Woman and young girl in kitchen with laptop and paperwork smiling” by GSCSNJ, “mother and son practice pilates for pregnancy” by sean dreilinger, “My Husband and I” by Spenser. All photos c/o Flickr, published under CC license.

19Oct 2014

1780 by SariSariStore.Com, an iconic Filipino one-stop-shop

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 1 Comment

I grew up in a bakeshop, smelling freshly baked bread every morning. You know how that aroma is, right? It’s heavenly. My mother thought of using her baking talent to augment her teacher’s salary by starting a small bakeshop. That small business grew and made enough income to finance seven of us to Manila for college. I am a great believer that entrepreneurship can bring most of us into financial independence. It was that belief that prompted me to work at the UP Institute for Small Scale Industries and provide consultancy services to small and medium enterprises.

Along with our bakery , my mom built a small sari-sari store for her baked goodies and some dry goods. The bake shop has long been gone but we, siblings hope to revive it one day. I wonder if we did open our bake shop in this technology-driven age, would we also use those online stores like SariSariStore.Com/1780? I recently attended the launch of this iconic Filipino one-stop-shop. Providing a free space where businesses can market their products and where consumers can find what they’re looking for is just so convenient for both the entrepreneur and the potential buyer.

1780 by SariSari brings focus and creates demand for Philippine heritage products that have yet to make an impact in the market, highlighting the sheer variety of regional delicacies and crafts available in the Philippines and making these products easily accessible for Filipino families across the country. In collaboration with a number of Philippine artisans, 1780 by SariSari puts a modern flair to a variety of traditional Filipino products.

Owner of hand-crafted cupcakes store Sweet Patti Cakes – Patti Grandidge, exhibits a taste of the Philippines by creating limited edition cupcakes which incorporate Kablon Farms’ chocolate using organically grown cacao. Local designer and fashion influencer Amina Aranaz works in collaboration with one of 1780 by SariSari’s merchants to craft a bag using native Philippine materials, which will be sold exclusively on the site. Aside from promoting food and craft products, 1780 by SariSari is joined by traveler and tourism influencer Ivan Henares who discusses his advocacy towards heritage products and sites around the country.

Visit their main portal at http://sarisaristore.com/, or check their facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/1780bySariSari to see more of the featured products that are available online.

Paniya Clutches

Paniya Clutches uses local materials like buntal (palm tree) straw and acacia wood to make beautiful, one-of-a-kind clutches as part of their high-end fashionable products using native Philippine materials and proudly crafted by Filipinos

Jackfruit Marmalade

Using jackfruit, which is readily available year-round, FORWARD (the Federation of Rurban Women’s Association for Reform and Development) joined the Plant Now Pay Later program which allows them to plant the fruits with resources from the government, which they can pay back after the harvest season.

Marbell Bell Pepper Sauce

Marbell’s Bell Pepper Sauce uses ingredients that can be found locally, such as coconut sugar, brown sugar, onions, garlic, salt, powdered black pepper, and Native Philippine chili; it also includes vinegar that the company personally ferments for 2-6 months in their kitchen.

Mommy Juling’s Atchara

Mommy Juling’s atchara products are freshly made, with the production process leading up to packaging taking only 2 days, so that each package retains the crunchy flavor that Mommy Juling’s is known for.

CT South Tropic Fruit Wines

Using fruits fresh from the farms in Mindanao, South Tropic’s wines carries a variety of wine flavors including: mangosteen, passion fruit, durian, jackfruit, pineapple, and dragon fruit, among others.

Kablon Farms

Kablon Farms sells chocolates that are made with cacao grown under the canopy of fruits and flowers on the company’s plantation that gives one a taste of home-grown favorites such as dark chocolate and spicy dark chocolate.

Banigs by the Badjaos of Zamboanga

Banigs by the Badjaos of Zamboanga are not as simple as they appear: it can take anywhere from one to three months to produce a single mat, with more intricate and complicated designs and colors taking longer to make.

Josephine’s Jewelry

The designs of Josephine’s Jewelry are one-of-a-kind pieces from materials sourced from across the Philippines, using a variety of metals such as silver and gold, and jewels (such as topaz, opal, or even diamonds).

These products are simply amazing. By highlighting the best that the Philippines has to offer in terms of gastronomy and craftsmanship, 1780 by SariSari looks forward to contributing to the economic growth of the whole country.

18Oct 2014

Benefits of being a working, full-time mom (Part 1 of 2)

by webs ⋅ 1 Comment

Written by Edel Cayetano , as originally posted on Blog Watch, Philippine Online Chronicles.

“A mommy can work and be a mommy too.”

This is what working moms try to tell their kids (and themselves) as they struggle to strike a balance between family life and keeping a career. As a working mom, albeit a first timer, I am still getting acquainted with the changes in my young family’s life and mine, and I tell you: it is not easy at all. Because of this, I have also asked myself whether it is best to transition from being a career woman to a full-time, stay-at-home mom for the sake of my child, and of course, my family.

Experts, however, would disagree with this option. According to the New York Times magazine, quitting your job to be a full-time mom is probably a bad idea. “Women are finding out the hard way that by opting out of their careers at the height of earning power, they’re opting in to a host of unexpected frustrations,” says Erin Gloria Ray of the said magazine. These frustrations include “relying on two completely unreliable entities – a high-earning spouse and the economy,” the risk of starting all over again should you decide to return to the workforce, and increased levels of stress and chances of depression. Feeling regret and wondering where one’s career could have gone are also eminent among those wanting to opt back in.

“Working mothers are happier and healthier than stay-at-home moms”

According to the American Psychological Association, working mothers are happier and healthier than their non-working counterparts. “Employment helps women and their families,” says Cheryl Buehler, a professor of human development and family studies at the University of Carolina, through Time magazine. At the core of Buehler’s study is this: get a job, whether full-time or part-time.

Here are seven ways part-time or full-time work benefits mothers according to Michelle Larowe of Your Tango:

It allows moms to live out their purpose. Every woman is meant for something special, and for many women, this extends beyond being a mother. Passions, talents and interests often guide a woman’s career path and choices, and if these are left unfulfilled, mothers may feel unsatisfied and even resentful.
It gives moms financial control. As valued financial contributors, working mothers aren’t forced to rely solely on the income of their spouses and feel confident in their right to make financial decisions for their family.
It helps moms maintain their identities. Being a mother doesn’t exclude moms from being their own unique individual, and one way to maintain and nurture their sense of self is to have a career. Also, as children grow up and discover they are separate beings from their mothers, this becomes even more vital. “Mothers who don’t have their own identity may have a hard time separating and letting their child grow,” as Your Tango says.
It allows moms to build and maintain social connections. Even though being a mother is filled with busy days and constant companionship, many mothers experience loneliness and isolation. With this, being able to build and maintain social connections could be a sanity saver.
It gives moms a sense of independence. “Working full-time can put a woman in the driver’s seat of her life.” She also has a sense of self-sufficiency and self-reliance.
It forces moms to require more of their spouses. Being a working mom allows cultivating a more involved role for spouses and dads while having a dual-income family.
It gives moms the opportunity to be a special role model for their children. Working moms set the bar for having a solid work ethic, and they also teach their children the value of prioritizing, decision-making and sacrifice.

Watch out for the second part of this feature: survival tips on how to be a happy, healthy working mom

*“Mother and daughter” by Andrea Gutierrez c/o Flickr. Some rights reserved.

24Sep 2014

Parenting, Pinoy Style

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

By Richard Leo Ramos as originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles.

For many Filipinos, parents are seen with a somewhat confusing dichotomy: while they are, short of one’s life partner, the most beloved of people in one’s life, they can also be the ones who can embarrass you the most, or be the ones that you would practically consider as your worst enemies – if they weren’t your parents.

Now, most people would probably argue: isn’t that similar to how parents are viewed everywhere else? Well, the truth is, Pinoy parents tend to have their own ways of doing things – things that we may not necessarily agree with, until we become parents ourselves.

Working for your education
Pinoy parents are, by nature, obsessed with making sure their kids graduate. However, this can take on many aspects, depending on the type of parent you have.

For some, it is a matter of tradition. You have those parents who want you to take up a course that – for them – will be stable. Thus, we see many people getting management degrees, and, in the recent past, nursing courses (to take advantage of the perceived need for Filipino nurses abroad). This is probably taken from the Chinese part of our heritage, where the immediate idea is that we should have the best tools for success – in this case, having the right education. Now, this sometimes works to great effect, particularly if the parents or many family members are well-known for being influential in a particular aspect of business. However, this can also cause the most amount of angst, particularly if the child’s natural inclinations tend to be very different from the “right education” as the parents see it.

Still, that hasn’t stopped Pinoy parents from working to the bone so that their children can afford to have an education that they think will be the best for their children. In fact, for many families from the lower social and economical classes, the idea of education as the inheritance holds sway.

Love it or leave it, Pinoy parents will do practically everything in their power to make sure their children will have the best education they can get.

Tough love and being spoiled – at the same time
Pinoy parents have somehow mastered the art of giving both tough love, while at the same time allowing their children to enjoy moments when they are indulged. Of course, the degree of both sides depends on many things. For example, some parents are, by nature, very strict. However, they will indulge their children on reasonable requests – if they have done something right. For others, they give their children what looks to be a very pampered lifestyle (depending on their financial capability), but with the understanding that they should also work hard to be worthy of it.

However polar those two ideas are, the fact is, both ideas rely on one thing: the way that Pinoy parents treat their children seems to revolve around a reward system for doing well. Even the most permissive and liberal Pinoy parent will always have “something else” or “something better” when their children do well.

On the good side, this parenting style can teach children that they should work hard for what they want. On the other hand, it can also horribly backfire, by also teaching them to be more materialistic and needy. It really depends on what the parents show as their values, while at the same time it also depends on what the rewards are.

In the worst-case scenario, this idea of a reward system can even be twisted such that the child will end up acting out on default, just so they can always get something to “keep them in line.”

Is this a good idea or not? Well, that depends on the execution of the idea, and how it works on the children. Needless to say, there is no way to find out, really – until the children grow up.

“You’ll take care of me when I get old!”
Before we hear all sorts of negative reactions to the title of this article section, let’s be honest. Many parents do have it in the back of their heads that their children will be the ones to help them in their old age. However, the big difference here is that how their children will help varies for each family. In my family’s case, my parents – my father, specifically – do not expect us to take care of their major financial needs. In fact, they don’t want us to worry too much about them. Yes, they do ask for some expensive gifts every now and then for their birthdays or for Christmas, but their living expenses are all their own. I know that this can be a sharp difference compared to other families, since in my partner’s case, the parents are usually helped out by the children, in that the children share in living expenses such as utilities and groceries. In the case of larger families, the older children are even expected to take care of the younger children’s tuition expenses and other such things, particularly if the parents are already near retirement age.

Some children, as expected, do not react well to this implied situation, but in truth, there should be no problem. After all, they’re your parents! Pinoy parents also inculcate the idea of the young taking care of their elders not because of self-preservation, but simply because it’s the right thing to do.

The “final word”
One very Pinoy trait when it comes to parenting is the “final word,” (isang huling salita). This simply means that at some point, once the term has been invoked, the parent’s orders or ruling on something is considered law. Yes, some children can still appeal, but short of solid evidence, a cute presentation, and a lot of cariño, the parent’s word will remain law.

This parental finality is probably a very good idea to implement, particularly if the parent follows a more liberal way of bringing up their children. It probably won’t be as effective for stricter parents because, well, in their case, everything is with finality.

Why are Pinoy parents so bipolar in the way they approach parenting?
Pinoy parents, much like the influencing cultures in the Philippines, are a mix of East and West. Because of this, they embody some very traditional ideas, while at the same time trying to keep up “with the times” and give their children a more liberal background. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn’t. However, one thing is for sure: Pinoy parents always want what is best for their children. It’s just that when it comes to execution, your mileage may vary.

“Parenting,” by Leonid Mamchenkov c/o Flickr.com

20Sep 2014

Yes, Steve Jobs, we don’t need iPads to amuse kids

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

by Racquel Erhard, as originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles

This article was inspired by a recent story I saw online about Steve Jobs. Did you know that Steve Jobs, the innovative former CEO of Apple, didn’t lets his kids use iPhones or iPads?

In an interview in 2010, Steve Jobs expressed concern about his children’s gadget use. At home, the technology his kids use was moderated, he said.

In that Inquisitr article, Jobs explained: “As all modern parents know, iPhones and iPads are extremely appealing to children. These little hand-held devices are state-of-the-art toys. Surrogate parents almost, capable of entertaining, distracting, and pacifying children during school holidays and on long car journeys when mom and dad’s attentions are focused elsewhere. Yet instead of thanking Apple for these extremely convenient parent assistants, should we actually be concerned about the potential harm they may be inflicting upon our youngsters?”

What the late IT genius said hit home. I have long been disturbed by people’s (and I mean both young and old) predilection for electronic gadgets. Almost nobody could sit still without having electronic gadgets on hand. Do you agree? Look around you – the train stations, the buses, the jeepneys. You would find people busy tinkering with their devices.

Focus on people in restaurants. Regardless if they are in fastfood, fine dining, bars, carinderia ni Manang, truck food stops, etc., what is the one thing all of them have in common? Yes, those electronic gadgets. Nobody could move without their handheld devices.

Imagine having a nice and intimate family dining experience. Can you imagine one where family members are focused on each other, the way family dinners should, by tradition, be? Impossible with kids and their iPhones, isn’t it?

A few days ago, my husband and I were invited to a restaurant located in a historical house dating back to the year 1400. (We are, by the way, based in Germany, my husband’s country.) The main dining area used to be the wine cellar of the house. Its cave-like atmosphere turned into a very romantic and noble dining experience. We noticed there were reserved tables for a family of about 30. The tables were elegantly decorated. Sitting in one corner was an old lady, seeming all alone even if opposite her were two teens, possibly her grandchildren, busy with their smart phones.

During that time, the old lady remained seated in her corner, while the two teens stayed put, fingers on their gadgets. It was only when the bigger crowd of guests arrived that the grandma was acknowledged! How sad is that?

I may not be Steve Jobs, and I am not technology savvy, but I know the danger these handheld devices could bring. That was the reason why early on, when my girls were still toddlers, I found ways to keep them busy especially when we were dining out.

And no, we also didn’t have to keep on visiting McDonald’s or Jollibee for that matter, to keep them busy in the play area.

Of course, there are family restaurants that offer gifts of toys or activities to keep the kids busy and not bored to tears. There are restaurants with kid’s corners featuring small tables and chairs loaded with crayons and papers or even books — sometimes even a box of assorted toys to choose from, or a computer with creative games. One fine dining area we visited even had a babbling parrot which greatly amused the children.

To make sure that the kids would enjoy the dining out experience, you have to focus on these two details:

Choose a family-oriented restaurant. There are a lot of family-oriented restaurants that automatically offer creative ways to engage kids. They would have coloring pads and crayons, they would have puzzles, they would have play corners, too.

Consider the kids’ meal time. Make sure you would be arriving in the restaurant just before, and not way past, the normal meal time of the kids. Come on, you cannot expect them to sit still if their stomachs are grumbling.

Here are some tips to keep your child busy to enjoy dining out without using handheld devices:

Books. I am sure they would have their favorite books; bring them with you! If not, you might find interesting books in the corner of the play area (or ask the restaurant staff) if you are visiting a family-oriented restaurant.

Coloring pads or books with crayons (of course!). Just in case the restaurant doesn’t have them, you might want to bring your own art supply. To keep them interested, you might want to color with them.

Drawing pads and pencils. Yes, in our family, coloring pads or books are different from drawing pads. As my girls would say ‘drawing pads are blank pages.’ Point taken?

Tic-Tac-Toe. If you don’t have any drawing pads and pencils, you might want to use the paper saucers, the straws, the sugar packets or whatever items you could request from the restaurant staff or even from your bag!

Bato-Bato-Pik (Papers and Scissors). Okay, this one is still a hit even though my girls are already 10 and 12 years old.

Saw-Saw-Suka. Another favorite game, even though my girls would always ask me to keep quiet when I sing this crazy children’s song. You could even ask the whole table to join the game!

Card games. Yes, we always bring UNO cards if we know that there would be a long wait especially if we know that the type of restaurant would not have space to play or to walk around.

Favorite toys. I have two girls so they normally bring their favorite dolls in the restaurant so they could play house. These past months, it was the Smurf family that is gracing our dining out tables though.
Pick-up sticks. Yes, those fun sticks.

Origami. You would need paper napkins or pads for this.

Rubber bands. Have you tried creating funny shapes out of rubber bands using your fingers as an anchor? Well, you should!

Try to keep those electronic gadgets at home. There are more games that would not need money or accessories to be played such as Eye Spy or Touch the Color. It’s a simple sacrifice for the short time while you are waiting for the food to be served while dining out.

Dining out is not only a way to enjoy the silence. It is not only a way to keep the kids busy while you catch up with the other adults in the family. It is also a chance to bond with the kids, in a creative, fun and active way.

Raquel Erhard blogs at Home Worked.

13Sep 2014

Opening their hearts to adoption: Childless couple adopts a child

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 3 Comments

When my beloved son died 14 years ago, I wanted to have another baby but I thought it was risky at my age. Then we thought of adoption. An office mate of a friend wanted us to adopt their sixth baby but she changed her mind at the last minute. Adoption has always been in our minds. If someone handed a baby over to me, I will gladly accept. I am sure parents out there want to have a child of their own. The Social Marketing Service of the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) shared me this story of an adoptive couple beaming with joy, as Bryan and Marie Grace hold their daughter Margie close to their hearts. . DSWD needs help in their advocacy to find permanent and loving families for needy Filipino children.

Here is their story

The year 2000 was memorable for Bryan and Marie Grace Retales, as that year, they met and fell in love, literally in the workplace.

Marie Grace worked as an animal nutritionist at the Savers Feed Company while Bryan was a veterinarian at the Nueva Swine Valley Savers, a sister company of Savers.

Since their workplaces are extensions of each other, Bryan often visited the Savers Feed Company in Makati City. On the other hand, Marie Grace often go to Nueva Swine Valley in Iloilo to examine the hogs.

Hence, Bryan’s and Marie Grace’s careers intertwined and they quickly became close friends because of their frequent interaction.

The couple shared that at first, no courtship happened and they just enjoyed each other’s company.

“Later on,” Bryan said, “I became attracted to Marie Grace because of her sincerity and simplicity.” On the other hand, Marie Grace valued Bryan’s sense of humor and caring nature.

This started their long distance relationship.

After six months of phone calls and text messages, Bryan decided to look for another job in Manila to be closer to Marie Grace.

Four years after, they were married at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Parish in Quezon City on January 15, 2005.

Difficulty in starting a family

The Retales couple had always wanted to have a big family with four children, at least. But they faced a problem early in the marriage.

Marie Grace was diagnosed to have Polycystic Ovarian Cysts Syndrome (PCOS) since she was 12 years old which made it difficult for her to conceive.

Driven by their desire to have a child, the couple took fertility workouts in 2005 at the Medical City in Pasig City. Marie Grace was prescribed fertility pills but to no avail.

They were then offered to undergo artificial insemination and in-vitro fertility test (IVF) but they refused as they felt these do not conform to their practices and beliefs as devoted Christians.

In 2007, the couple consulted another doctor at the University of Sto. Tomas (UST) hospital and Marie Grace was once again prescribed with fertility pills.

Pregnancy remained elusive, though.

“I was disappointed but remained hopeful,” Marie Grace said.

The couple took another fertility workout in 2009 at the Los Baños Doctor’s Hospital in Laguna where Marie Grace was given fertility pills, this time with higher dosage. But after seeing his wife suffer from side effects, Bryan convinced his wife to discontinue taking the fertility pills.

“My strong faith in God and Bryan’s continuous support gave me the strength to eventually accept my situation. I am blessed to have a loving and understanding husband who made me feel that our love for each other is more important than trying to have a child of our own,” Marie Grace said.

Opening their hearts to adoption

The idea of adoption came to them in November 2009 when their household helper informed them about an abandoned three-day old boy at San Anton Parish in Los Baños, Laguna.

Without his wife’s knowledge, Bryan became interested and searched for the baby boy in different hospitals in the province. When he found the child, Bryan bought him milk and diaper.

Later, he informed Marie Grace about the medical condition of the child and his willingness to help him. She readily agreed so they often visited the child in the hospital and paid for his medical needs. They got so attached to the infant that they decided to adopt him.

The couple then submitted their application to legally adopt the baby boy to the Los Baños Municipal Social Welfare Office (LBMSWO), where the infant was referred by the hospital for temporary shelter.

They, however, later found out that the child was released to another couple for adoption.

Bryan and Marie Grace were disappointed on the turn of events. They wanted to pursue a case against the LBMSWO for discounting their application, but the baby’s pediatrician advised them against it, explaining that conflict and stress may not help the child.

The experience, though disappointing, helped the couple realize that they are capable of loving a child who is not biologically their own. They then decided to forego fertility treatments and opted for legal adoption instead.

The Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) advocates for adoption, or the socio-legal process of finding a permanent family to the many abandoned, neglected and/or relinquished children waiting in centers. In providing for a permanent home, however, DSWD reminds couples to always opt for legal adoption.

“Legal adoption offers security and ensures the best interest of the child. This is why DSWD discourages direct placement and is against simulation of birth certificates,” DSWD Secretary Corazon Juliano-Soliman said.

Welcoming Baby Margie

In January 2011, they contacted NORFIL Foundation, Inc., a child placement agency accredited by DSWD, to express their interest in adopting a baby girl. The couple was present at the Local Matching Conference at DSWD Central Office in May 2011, where they were matched to an 8-month old baby girl from an orphanage in Palawan.

They named their child Maria Margarita, fondly called Margie.

The couple then became the epitome of loving parents with Bryan taking a one-week break from work to bond with their infant daughter, while Marie Grace filed two years of leave from her post-graduate studies to be a full-time mother to Margie.

“We are very happy to have Margie in our lives. Our home is now livelier because of her presence,” the couple enthused. Although they experienced some changes in their lifestyle with Margie’s arrival, they simply enjoy being with their daughter.

Margie is now three years old. Bryan and Marie Grace claimed that they never felt that Margie is adopted because they love her unconditionally.

Adoption paved the way for them to fulfill their dreams of having a child of their own, and finally, a family.

They also believe that their daughter has a right to know the truth.

“We do not intend to hide the fact that Margie is adopted. We want to be honest and open with her, and affirm her that there is nothing wrong with being adopted,” the couple emphasized.

Active parent advocates

Bryan and Marie Grace are active participants of NORFIL’s Adoptive Parents (NAP) Adoption Support Group, taking part in its activities so they can learn and share their positive experiences on adoption to other adoptive families.

Further, as part of the support group, they advocate to couples who are able to consider adoption and help the many kids waiting to have their own families in the different orphanages.

Children needing families

The Retales’ story is just one of the heartwarming stories of childless couples finding fulfillment in becoming loving parents to homeless children.

In the first semester of 2014 alone, a total of 257 children were issued with a DSWD Certification Declaring a Child Legally Available for Adoption (CDCLAA). Of the said number, 110 children are already under the care of families for trial custody that will eventually lead to possible adoption, 10 children are for foster-adopt cases while 137 children are for local matching process with adoptive parents.

For those interested to know more on how to go about legal adoption procedures, you may call DSWD-Adoption Resource and Referal Unit (ARRU) at 734 86 22 or contact the accredited DSWD-licensed adoption NGOs such as Kaisahang Buhay Foundation (KBF) at 912 11 60 and Norfil Foundation at 372 3577. ###

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