The best from Touched by an Angel in 2011

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As Abraham Lincoln once said, ““And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

I look back at 2011 as a year that brought more fun, travel, readers, and social media engagement.

New Year brings joy, hope, and wisdom. With every passing year, I have learned to develop a keener understanding of my new normal without my son. It’s a new normal for the past 11 years. Life continues to be a learning process and I do gain valuable tidbits of wisdom along the way from old and new friends. I have learned to live my life without regret. So with the coming new year 2012, I embrace it with renewed energy.

Here is my New Year’s greeting to all my readers, friends and family. Below the video are the top stories for 2011 which I think you should read. There are stories on parenting, grief recovery, social media, relationships and just about life.

Click on the links for each story.

Parenting

1. What the daughter does, the mother did

Of all the haunting moments of motherhood, few rank with hearing your own words come out of your daughter’s mouth. I discover this to be true now that my daughters are adults.

2. Love your inner child

Without a mom and far away from my dad (since I became independent after college), I learned to summon my the parent inside me. True, there is a parent inside each of us, as well as a child.

Grief

3. A letter to my son in heaven

I wrote this on the 11th angel anniversary of my son, Luijoe. Love never died even if my son was gone from my embrace. Eleven years ago, I felt the world swallowed me up. I thought I could not live with the unbearable gut-wrenching pain in my heart. At times, I thought I went crazy. I barely survived. I had to find that courage to live because of my two daughters and my husband. That difficult journey left me literally with a broken heart but not too broken because why did God give me a second wind in life to make a difference in this mortal world?

4. A Letter from Heaven

Let me share one of the first grief poems a few weeks after we buried Luijoe. After all the friends have condoled with you, one is left alone to grieve. Now reading this ““A letter from heaven” poem eleven years after his death, I see the words that inspired me to move on with my new life. I forgot all about this poem. These words may have been subliminal but it played a big role in my healing journey. If you have lost a child, this poem may give you some measure of comfort. The words didn’t really strike a chord at first. I remember wailing ““but I want my Luijoe here beside me, bugging me with his toys.”

Relationships

5. True friends are never apart maybe in distance but not in heart

This friend is special to me. I don’t know if I am special to this person. For a while, I was mad ..but how could I stay mad at this person who introduced me to the Holy Bible, to be open to other religions other than the Catholic faith? How could I get hurt for long knowing that love does not keep a record of wrongs?
How could I feel abandoned when my friend never left me? The friendship remained in my heart.


6. The Honeymoom Phase

Come to think of it, this current phase of our marriage is the honeymoon phase. Ray Bandy asserts that ““the honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn’t trying to reform her husband.” We have arrived at this point in our lives that we have learned to accept each other’s quirks, that there are things beyond our control.

I am enjoying married life with my husband now more than ever. It’s been 2 years since we last had a major squabble. That’s a feat.

Social Media

7. Willie Revillame humiliates a crying 6 year old boy as he dances

When I tweeted “I think What Willie Revillame did to this 6 year old kid may be in violation of R.A. 7610 Section 3 (b) “Child abuse” bit.ly/i31hS”, the tweets were endless. I then wrote this blog entry and bewailed … This is just so disgusting. Willie Revillame, you are the lowest of the low.

What Willie did is humiliate this boy repeatedly in front of millions of people. Where is the dignity in that? Why does he subject Jan-Jan who is obviously crying, to that kind of torture. The adults who taught him to dance that way? Ugh, the very same people responsible for his well-being.

The awareness of child abuse went as far as Congress that they passed the HB 4455, ““An Act Promoting Positive and Non-violent Discipline of Children” on April. It is pending at the Senate.

8. You are what you tweet

The Willie Revillame brouhaha gave me thousands of new Twitter followers and paved the way to more social media engagement in other critical issues.

There are many lessons and quotes in social media I learned in the last two years especially in Twitter. Starting out with only 500 followers in September 2009, I now have 7100 plus followers because they wanted to hear about news not found in tri-media. Compared to big media networks and celebrities, the number is a drop in the bucket. The numbers do not matter. Let me tell you how it is.

Recovery

9. How I relax while tweeting with a cat on my lap

No time to get totally annoyed at useless tweets with a cat on your lap. As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

10. Simple tips and lessons in life

Lastly, whatever happens, just remember these simple lessons in life.

1. Don’t promise when you’re happy
2. Don’t reply when you’re angry, and
3. Don’t decide when you’re sad

Finally remember the five simple lessons in life to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive
2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happen
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have
4. Give more
5. Expect less

Christmas Greetings: May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!

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May the Christmas season fill our heart with so much love and generosity that we let others enjoy the excess of what we have. Merry Christmas. Peace and goodwill to men!

Here is a video greeting aka slide show from my family to yours:

I am truly grateful this year. A year ago, I spent Christmas eve (up to New Year’s eve) at the hospital recovering from a gall bladder surgery. My family was supposed to spend the holidays at Singapore but because of this emergency surgery, I cancelled the trip but let L meet up with M so they could be together.

I am just glad to be alive and well. I know some of us are not complete during this time of the year. For many years after my son’s death, Christmas seemed such a lonely occasion but my family learned to celebrate Christmas using old and cultivating new traditions. Luijoe may not be with us but he will always live in our hearts and in our home.

 

This little inconvenience in my life made me realize that the Spirit of Christmas and the spirit of Christ lives in me and all those that believe in it. Stuart Briscoe states it well by saying The spirit of Christmas needs to superseded by the Spirit of Christ. The spirit of Christmas is annual; the Spirit of Christ is eternal. The spirit of Christmas is sentimental; the Spirit of Christ is supernatural. The spirit of Christmas is a human product; the Spirit of Christ is a divine person. That makes all the difference in the world.

I will update more as the day comes.

Happy 15th blog anniversary to my daughter

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““Don’t focus on having a great blog. Focus on producing a blog that’s great for your readers.” Brian Clark

15 years ago, on December 22, 1996, Lauren wrote her first journal entry. The word blog was non-existent then. It was called a journal but as we know it, online media is emerging media. Blog came from the word web blog and the journal is the same format of the blog. Lauren’s original entry does not show in worldkids.net anymore but if you’re a geek, you can probably figure a way to read the full entry.

Lauren was 10 years old. These days, kids as young as 5 years old have their own blogs. The difference back then was one had to build your own site before blogging so that was quite the challenge. Together , we learned basic HTML, file transfer protocol (FTP) so she could upload her journal entry.


How could I not resist Lauren, my daughter’s question in early 1996? One day while I was busy with my emails, she walked up to my desk begging to create a web page using HTML. The question seemed so natural like she was asking for candy, but running inside my head was ““what is that monster… HTML ?” The Internet was such a novelty during those days that parents were both afraid and excited about its benefits for the kids. I took the risk and introduced my children to the World Wide Web.

I was often questioned why I allowed them to go online. Questions often raised were: Am I not afraid of pedophiles? Am I not wary of the pornography? What if the online friend is really some serial killer? Relatives and friends frowned on the Internet. I felt like I was a parent from outer space. Even my daughter’s homeroom teacher chastised her for talking about the Internet. I believe the teacher was just ignorant or intimidated about it. After all, in 1996, there were less than 12,000 Internet users in the Philippines. It wasn’t cool for a kid to be online during those days.

There were no hard and fast rules. One thing was clear though: I am a parent first. In the real world, one aspect of responsible parenting is never having to allow children to wander aimlessly and alone into unknown territories. So, too, in the vast cyberspace called the Internet. Responsibility towards my child’s offline behavior is the same responsibility for my child’s online activities. Parents can empower themselves and establish Web safety awareness in their homes. Start them young. The best defense is for parents to make exploring the online world a family affair.

I drafted my own Internet safety guidelines for parents, teachers and children to read in World Kids Network where I was their Internet Safety Head from 1996 to 1999. The guidelines are basically the same even in the age of connected technology (gaming centers, cellphones), digital devices and social media sites. My Internet safety guidelines inspired by my own parenting experience and my children’s internet experience is still applicable 14 years later:

1. Your child should only log on with your approval. Sit down together with your child and read the guidelines contained in their favorite kid’s site. Assess which may or may not apply to you and your child. If you have to, you can plan and formulate your own safety guidelines together.

2. Since the online experience should be a family affair, the computer should be easily accessible to family members. This makes online activities an enriching experience.

3. The computer should be located in a room where there is adult supervision.

4. Be clear on the length of time spent in the computer or other connected technology.

5. Let your child post your family’s e-mail address even if he/she has her own.

6. As you go on together with your online experiences, your child will soon be better equipped to deal with various online situations even if you choose to leave them on their own as I did when the girls left for their college dormitories.

The negative feedback and suspicions toward online activities often made me wonder how the Internet molded my children’s perspective in life. I found the answers now that my children are in their early twenties. I believe my kids got exposed to global thinking , varied ethnicities, cultures and religion, things they might not have learned in the classroom. The biggest surprise is that I gained so much more in the process. My children taught me a lot about being a mother in this technology-driven world. Is it any wonder that 14 years later, I am a 54-year-old tech-savvy mom blogger?

Today , Lauren moved on from a personal blog to a fashion and beauty blog at iambourgeois.com

““As I have repeatedly written in one form or other, blogging is not about writing posts. Heck, that’s the least of your challenges. No, blogging is about cultivating a mutually beneficial relationships with an ever-growing online readership, and that’s hard work.” (Alister Cameron)

Yakapin: Batang Hilagang Mindanao (YBHM)

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Think of one bear as one smile, one hug – one young life given joy and love this Christmas. Two thousand years ago, a child was (and is) the reason why we celebrate the most important holiday of the year.” Cathy Babao

How can one even begin to comprehend the loss of lives now reaching 1400 dead and missing in Northern Mindanao due to Tropical Storm Sendong . Imagine the grim statistics:

1. At least 19,759 families or 108,130 persons are affected by the calamity according to the National Disaster Risk Response Management Council (NDRRMC).

2. UNICEF Philippines estimates that 43,000 children are affected by the calamity.

Residents were caught unaware as the floods rose rapidly at around 2 a.m. Saturday, while they were sleeping. Many of the victims were recovered in mud.

When you hear this kind of news, one begins to ask is there a silver lining to all this? It may not be apparent yet but silver lining for the TS Sendong victims is collecting stuffed toys for the children and toiletries for the women affected by the wrath of Typhoon Sendong.

You ask “not slippers, clothes, water?”..Yes they need all that too and I am sure everyone else is donating whatever they can. It’s good to feel empathy, post, forward donation centers and contact numbers — but it’s another thing to take action. The simplest would be to TEXT 2899 with the message RED (amount you wish to give 100, 200, 500, 1000) and the funds will go directly to Red Cross. There are a hundred ways to take action, and mine is collating credible sources of donation in kind and in cash.

My friend Cathy (my co-founder of our grief advocacy, The Compassionate Friends) shows another way through Yakapin: Batang Hilagang Mindanao (YBHM) . Let me explain first.

See, children in trauma experience a lot of nightmares. The power of a hug, or something that they can hug cannot be underestimated. I took part in Cathy’s project five years ago when she initiated the “Thousand Bears for Bicol Project”. It was also around Christmas time too. You cannot simply imagine the joy the children felt when they received these teddy bears.

Cathy contacted the Regional Missionaries of the Philippines -Northern Mindanao Region after she spotted a poignant poster of a father with his child on a friend’s wall. She took that as her cue. Under their wing in Cagayan de Oro and Iligan are thousands of displaced women and children. This is Cathy’s small way of helping out. This is something that she had done before which is to collect stuffed toys for the children in the evacuation centers and to put together toiletry kits for the women affected by Sendong.

How to donate to the children

Here are the simple guidelines :

1. For stuffed toys please send clean, friendly looking toys (no pigs please, owing to cultural and religious sensitivities) in any size ideally, big enough for a child to hug.

2. For toiletry kits, each bag will contain the following items : toothbrush, tooth paste, soap, sanitary napkins (10 pcs), comb or brush, underwear (2 pcs) face towel, laundry soap — just the basics so the women can also take care of themselves as they take care of their children.

If you wish to help, please email her at cathybabao@gmail.com

Cathy plans to assemble the toys and goods throughout the holidays and deliver them to CDO just before the new year. She will need volunteers for drop off points in various parts of QC, San Juan, Pasig, Pasay, Makati, and Alabang. If you wish to volunteer your homes, establishments or offices as drop off points, please send me an email.

Please see a list of areas for drop-off here

Alabang – 12 Brentwood Street, Hillsborough, West Service Road, Alabang Look for Magding or JC

Greenhills : 33 Madison Street, North Greenhills, San Juan. Look for Ann or Shirley

Asuncion Berenguer, Inc. 3/f Homestudio Building, 63 Connecticut Street (same building as Homestudio, Torch resto and Bose) Northeast Greenhills . Please leave with guard and indicate ““Bears for YBHM”

Makati — The Citadel Inn, 5007 P. Burgos Street, Makati City c/o Andre Urbina

Marikina: 1 Ferdinand Marcos Street, Industrial Valley Subdivision, Marikina Leave with guard please indicate ““Bears for YBHM”

Paranaque — Johnson and Johnson, Edison Road, Paranaque City (Edison is street by Zuellig) Leave with guard, indicate ““Bears for YBHM”

14 C. Diamond Street. Greenheights Village Sucat Paranaqueque Look for Yaya Marlene

Quezon City: A-2 Dona Sotera, Pilarville Subd.,Quezon City c/o Dennis Mariano
41 Milkyway Drive, Blue Ridge B, Quezon City Look for Lily

C1C3 Narra Heights Condominium #28, Mariposa Street, Quezon City (near Camp Crame)

Eastwood area : Unit 5c Eastwood Lafayette Tower 3, Eastwood Avenue Libis Q.C (In front of Watsons, near Mcdonalds) Leave with guard indicate ““Bears for YBHM”

Let us all do our small share to help Northern Mindanao.

Every bear or stuffed toy that arrives matters because it counts towards making one more child happy. To share and to give is the true essence of the season.

A new and soft teddy bear costs about as much as a Starbucks frapuccino or a ticket to the cinema — a small price that will go a long way in bringing back hope and a smile into a child’s life.
May you all be blessed to be a blessing to others.

Dec. 11: Worldwide candle lighting shines for our children

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Although pretty presents under the twinkling lights of Christmas trees are quite exciting, it is the warmth and love of family and friends that make the holiday season so memorable. Yet it can be a painful time for those experiencing the recent loss of a loved one. I don’t know how I lived through the first Christmas without my Luijoe. But it was my two girls who taught me to grieve well. It was clear that Christmas was going to happen, whether I wanted it to or not. It is not the same for other families.

Christmas is indeed the hardest holiday for those that have lost a loved one. Is it because of traditions that mean so much but now lie broken and empty in someone’s bereaved heart? While everyone else is gearing up to celebrate with family and friends, they’re about to face the most family-oriented day with a piece of their heart missing.

A parent said ““You still feel that loneliness, even with so much going on. They’re not there with you, that hole in your heart.”

Anyone who has lost a loved one understand that love does not end in death. Through the years I learned that life can become good once again not when I tried to till up the empty spaces left by loved ones no longer within hug’s reach. I realized that love created new spaces in my heart and expanded the spirit and deepened the joy of simply being alive.

Since 2005, when my friends and I co-founded the Compassionate Friends Philippines, we made it an annual tradition to to honor and remember the children we have lost, provide support to grieving parents and families, especially during the holidays … and give information about resources that are available in our community.

Tonight is the fifth time we organized the Worldwide candlelighting in the Philippines to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As the candles burn down in one time zone, they are lit in the next, creating a 24-hour wave of light that circles the globe. This is a memorial to celebrate our children’s life and to remember them . It is one way to process and a way to get through the holidays. Those holidays are really tough when one has buried a child or a grandchild. Grief is hard work.

“No matter how many people or how- many presents, the pulsating void that seems too large for your heart to hold keeps on drawing your attention back to the child who is missing. As others laugh and play, your thoughts fly away – to Christmases past or a snowy cemetery. Give me a special gift this year.. . let me weep.”

The friendship and understanding of other bereaved parents is one of the most helpful gifts we can give ourselves. Other bereaved parents will let us reminisce of happier Christmases’ past; will allow us to speak our child’s name without hesitation; and will let us cry and not be uncomfortable with our tears.

Tonight is such a comfort. It feels good to be able to share our feelings with someone who understands that, for us, grief does have a place in our holiday. By being a listening ear for them we have given them a gift as well.

I closed the candle lighting memorial by playing this beautiful pure angelic voice of 7 yr old Rhema Marvanne as she sang the “Lord’s Prayer”

Where is God?

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The Kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you, not in mansions of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood, and I am there. Lift a stone, and you will find me. –“Stigmata”

Like all Catholic schools, Religion was taught as early as First grade. I can still remember my book with images of clouds, and a man in long beard and a dove or was it a bird I forgot how God was taught by the Belgian nuns. I recall God to be someone powerful who watches over me, yet there was some sort of fear of being a bad little girl. In my little girl’s mind, I looked around for God. Where is he?

As the second sibling in the family, I looked up to my eldest sister, Lorna for her words of wisdom. I took her every word, well because she was a year older and knew more than me. Naturally.

I tugged her sleeve. “Do you know where God is? ”

Lorna nodded and dragged me to the kitchen. She pointed to the leftover mango seed on the kitchen table.

In a solemn voice, she said, “When you crack open the mango seed, you will find God in there.”

My eyes widened, “really?”

Her revelation elated me. God is real.

One day, I thought of talking to God. I got a mango seed ad sat by the window sill that overlooked the garden and slowly pried opened the mango shell. As I opened the shell, I felt awed. I found God! My body felt like a balloon as if I was floating around the garden. It was a joyful moment.

My little girl’s heart cried out in gratitude, ““Okay God. I hope you protect me. I promise to be a good girl.”

I know this “Where is God?” anecdote is really funny. Lorna laughed as I recounted the story to her. She forgot that she taught me this.

I grew up praying to God every day and attending mass at the Catholic Church every Sundays. It seemed too routine until a friend introduced me to the bible and told me to read the book of John. I just knew that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit and everything in the bible was true and good and I wanted it in my life.

Pretty soon I had kids of my own but I made sure that God was something that my children felt in their hearts. It had to start with something more tangible at first.

I see the moon and the moon sees me,
God bless the moon, and God bless me.

As a nursery rhyme, I felt the toddlers understood God to be good. Two of my three children suffered from asthma and letting them understand that “Jesus lives in their hearts” so they would calm down and feel more relaxed in prayer. I also felt that it will heal them faster if they are in a relaxed state of mind.

I guess the real test of my faith in God came when my beautiful son died 11 years ago. Questions soon came:

Where were you God?

Why God?

Why me God?

Every parent who lost a child or a loved one ask these questions. I know now that the feelings of “Why me, God?” are real. My pain is real. The questions form part of the grief process. Well-meaning friends often like to point out not to question God’s wisdom. So easy to say especially if that person has not lost a child.

While God may have seemed distant during those bleak moments of my life, it was God who also showed me the light in the quiet still of the room. As I sat on the Luijoe’s favorite couch, feeling despondent over our family situation, I felt a warm tingly feeling that emanated from within me and then feelings of peace and joy. That difficult journey left me literally with a broken heart but not too broken because why did God give me a second wind in life to make a difference in this mortal world? That light…starting and living a new life without my precious son but still living a good life.

It is these good and bad moments that affirmed that God is good, all the time.

While I continue to believe in His words and His teachings, I may not necessarily find God in Churches , disillusioned and disenchanted as I am with the Catholic Church on its stance with the Reproductive Health Bill… but that is another story.

Today, my new dialogue with God is … “God, this is going to be an interesting journey. I’m excited to see how you are going to bring good out of this one. I trust you will!”

Photo credit: and here and here

Halloween Through the Years

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This Halloween post was posted originally on October 26 2006.

halloweenIt was my dear husband who reminded me to dress up the little girls into witches for Halloween. “Halloween?” I thought Halloween was only done in the Western countries. ” Yes you have to dress them up as witches”. As a little boy in the late sixties, he pranced around the neighborhood begging for candies and yelling “Trick or Treat” . According to him, the Halloween “Trick or Treat” originated in the Philippines in the sixties when the Americans living in the village started the tradition. In the early nineties, Halloween was not yet commercialized. The Trick or Treat was limited to Ayala Land villages, where most American expatriates lived. There were a few masks and simple decors in National Book store but that was it. No costumes. I had to be creative. I designed a witch costume with yellow piping and a dressmaker executed it. A balikbayan sister from San Francisco brought in the hat, the candy corn candies, the fangs gum for props.

2.jpgWe drove all the way to visit the kid’s grandparents in Alabang just for the spooky Halloween experience. As usual, the beaming stage mother dressed up her adorable girls as cute little witches. The Trick or Treat party at the club was fantastic. The kids were dressed in typical Halloween costumes like vampires, ghosts, witches, and devils or even pumpkins.The eerie decors added to the thrilling experience.

halloweenThe Trick or Treat adventure in this swanky Alabang village is something else. The houses compete with each other on the scariest theme. Most of these houses had tricks. In one house, the kids were terrified of the candle-lit pathway that led to a vampire rocking on the chair. Complete with spine-tingling music as you walk towards the vampire, it even freaked me out. Four year old M scurried as soon as she saw the ghoulish figure. For many years, the girls spent their Halloween with their grandparents in this Alabang village until Luijoe arrived in our lives.

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A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails

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A woman is the full circle.
Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform. ~ Diane Mariechild ~


Rica and I go back when we were little kids romping around the school grounds of St. Theresa’s College Cebu. I thought we graduated in the same high school. It dawned on me that we had not seen each other for the last forty years but I remember her so well. Childhood memories can be so vivid. My memory fails me now but I knew there was something we had shared together in the past.


Rica is somewhere to the left and I am somewhere to the right

Thanks to Facebook, Rica found me at about the time I made plans to visit my daughter in Melbourne. What a treat I had the other day. There were just so many things to catch up. Memories to unravel. Amidst the sights and sounds of Melbourne, our stories unfolded. True, our memories may fail us now but our hearts remember as we spent the day together.

A cruise along the Yarra river of Melbourne.

Seeing Melbourne’s development.

Catching sight of the penguins by the rock.

Having lunch by the South bank

Stop to smell the flowers

It is good to wake up and smell the flowers while listening to classical music.

The stroll to the Fitzroy gardens stirred a memory.

I turned to Rica “Weren’t we mediocre students?” We laughed together, remarking how silly we were for not studying hard enough.

There you go, we had something in common back when we were little kid but not today. Rica and I evolved from being mediocre to doing what we love best. Something in her life touched me which I will just keep to myself.

Her sculpture “Joyfully Onwards and Upwards” won first prize for the amateur division. Amazing! Rica reminded me “Amatuer”. Still, I would never be able to sculpt like that. I never knew she had artistic talents. It must have been a latent gift.

We talked about the symbolism of her sculpture. It reminds me of the struggle to pass the Reproductive Health bill. Women need to have choices. Rica believes that women can empower themselves to go outwardly and move up. Both of us believe that one has to honor and treating ourselves with respect so that we set the stage up for others to treat us with respect. The sculpture also reminds me of the lives and passion we have chosen. Rica, on paying forward by helping women get an education.

I too believe that women need to challenge themselves. Margaret Sanger once said “Woman must not accept; she must challenge. She must not be awed by that which has been built up around her; she must reverence that woman in her which struggles for expression.” It can come in art, writing, advocacy, business or anything that she can be.

I asked if I could use the image of her sculpture so I could show to the world about the potential of women, that it is never too late to get out of mediocrity no matter the age or circumstance. I wanted to sit down at the hotel and write about my day with Rica.

But guess what? Rica got to me first. She painted this and entitled it “Noemi”. I am so honored.

She did this for me. I felt a tug in my heart. My heart can only sing praises she will never hear.

I wonder how she painted this. All I know is splatter paint. In her facebook note, she added this “piece will always remind me of your beautiful and lovely personality.. it connotes warmth and vibrance. I love your story and what you have done with your life.”

I don’t know who deserves the title of a “a very beautiful and warm person” . I know we all have that capacity.

Oh yes we can, “joyfully Onwards and Upwards”.

I love you Rica. Thank you for a wonderful day. Till we meet again.

Celebrating life

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“Though life is not as it was before,
And never will be again,
Our memories are much richer,
Than if love had never been.”
— Author Unknown

Luijoe would have been 18 years old yesterday (July 13) but in my mind and in my heart, he will always be that cute and impish six year old boy. I cannot imagine him as an 18 year old. I can only surmise he would be more handsome than his father with his dusky skin color and deep-set eyes. Would he have a girlfriend? Would he still be close to me? Would he be driving me around? I shake this thoughts off as I went through the day first tweeting about the Bishops’ appearance at the Senate and making plans for the rest of the day.

His 18th birth anniversary is celebrated just like any family celebration with a cake, simple lunch or dinner with noodles for long life. Yes, Luijoe is still very much a part of the family. It was lunch at a Thai restaurant. The only difference is we bought flowers at our suki in Market Market. Bringing a bag of candles, lavender incense and folding chairs, my husband and I placed a basket of flowers at his resting place. A tear glistened on one eye as a wave of memories suddenly flashed before me. I ponder at how I survived the past 11 years . As I always say, it is unimaginable. I managed to survive the unthinkable. I share these reflections to those that have lost a child, or even a loved one on how time eased the pain.

““Time marches on” is the old cliché. It does march on with fury and determination, but some things stay the same. Luijoe’s seat is still empty at the dinner table. His bed (yes we still have a room for him) is still not slept in. The sound of Luijoe’s laughter is only in our memories. His photo is framed beside our family gallery but it stays the same while everyone else’s ages. But time marches on no matter how much we wish we could go back in time to the days when these were common occurrences.


““Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” Mother Theresa“

I managed to move along with time. In the early days it was a real conscious struggle to keep my friends. I like it when friends mention my son’s name: Luijoe.

Even if the name is mentioned in Twitter. They touch my heart in that “special place” where Luijoe is alive. They validate my child’s existence. To have someone mention our child is truly a gift to a bereaved parent like myself.

Yes , I still may cry a bit on his birthday, as I long for the sight of my beautiful son but I also know that now more of those tears will be for the joy of knowing him.

Let me share this tribute from Nancy Rothstein to commemorate the 21st birthday of her son, Josh, who was tragically killed when he was 15.

To treasured family, friends and all with whom this message is shared, may we continue to honor Luijoe by celebrating life:

1. Smile. Smiling makes you and those around you feel good. If you don’t feel good, a smile can trick your brain into feeling better.

2. Eat ice cream.

3. Run on the beach. If you can’t physically do this, use your imagination.

4. Call someone who is ill or lonely. Listen to their story. Take the time. Tell them your story, if they ask.

5. Listen to music that touches your heart and soul.

6. Sing in the shower, or out loud if you are comfortable.

7. Visit the grave of a loved one and celebrate your continued BREATH. And tell your loved one what’s on your mind.

8. Play with a dog.

9. Thank yourself for putting up with all the things about yourself that drive you nuts! Activate your sense of humor!

10. Apologize to someone you have wronged in any way.

11. Take a day, or even a few hours, ““off” to do something you always want to do but never take the time to do.

12. Eat something you never indulge in (unless allergic!) and savor every bite….slowly. No guilt permitted!

13. Re-watch your favorite funny or happy movie in your most comfortable clothes.

14. Make plans with 2 friends that you are crazy about but never see…near or far away.

15. Go outdoors to a natural setting. Sit. Close your eyes. Listen to the world. It’s all an extension of you! Your breath connects you intrinsically to the world.

16. Laugh. Do something fun or silly that evokes laughter. It has been said that laughter is God’s sunshine.

17. Place this list in an envelope and revisit it periodically to see how you are celebrating YOURSELF! If you are good to yourself, you can be much better to those around you.

18. Go to your heart and make all your decisions from there; and all will be well.

19. Follow the path that matters.

20. Believe and feel the change you want to see and you will BE the change you envision.

21. ….Yet you must know that in the end, it is LOVE’s garden you must tend.

You are what you tweet

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“Most bloggers who rise above the clutter are quite often prolific . They work hard, not just writing content but networking, engaging in Social Media and more.” Darren Rowse, problogger.net

Let’s face it . Social Media is pretty much a part of our lives. Whether one is young or prime time like me, those social media tools catch up on us. Don’t you find yourselves speaking social media lingo without even knowing it at times? After a photo shoot, you can hear your friend say “tag me in facebook, okay?”. Soon it will be “google plus” me later.

There is nothing like bringing one’s online community offline. This is what we did for Blog Watch , our citizen journalism community. Social Media day was last June 30 and we completely forgot to make plans for the day. Well, it is never too late to celebrate it and make plans for the future.

Blog Watch has been around since September 2009, almost two years now . We are slowly making our mark in digital activism and it is about time to expand our coverage and reach out to more netizens .

I barely write about it in this blog since the time my presidential candidate lost. You will recall Blog Watch introduced live streaming in its citizen media coverage . We were the first to use curation tools such as storify.net to gather news from different social media sources.

  1. Interviewed seven (7) presidential candidates in the May 10, 2010 elections
  2. Interviewed some senatorial candidates, congressional candidates and a few local candidates
  3. Covered the first Inaugural of President Aquino, first media coverage of the Aquino administration
  4. Stories that traditional media picked up from our twitter timeline and that first broke off in Twitter

There are many lessons and quotes in social media I learned in the last two years especially in Twitter. Starting out with only 500 followers in September 2009, I now have 7100 plus followers because they wanted to hear about news not found in tri-media. Compared to big media networks and celebrities, the number is a drop in the bucket. The numbers do not matter. Let me tell you how it is.

1. Influence is not about popularity.

2. It is not the number of followers or fans that matters. Think about what to achieve with and through the community who cares about your goals.

3. “Facebook is for people you used to know. Twitter is for people you want to know.” Author Unknown

4. Find the key issues that concern your audience and this will easily get them to be engaged with you. “You are what you tweet.” – Alex Tew

5. Credibility is all you’ve got. Be consistent and fair.
Nils Montan says “ATA be AUTHENCTIC, be TRANSPARENT, be ALTRUISTIC, and you will find enough success in Social Media to have a satisfying career and experience.”

6. “Focus on how to be social, not on how to do social.” Jay Baer
Be conversational, engaged and true to yourself.

7. “Build it, nurture it, engage them, and they may come and stay”. Seth Godin

It is great to be in a community composed of people with diverse interests yet share a love of country , and trying to make President Aquino’s administration succeed. Social media is just a tool we use to achieve this.

“Live to Love and Love to Live! Relationship is everything in the Social Media world”