What do #PinaysWantNow ? How will Filipino women #MakeItHappen?

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I have a lot of dreams for my children.  It is my hope that our country will change for the better. I have hopes that our future politicians will do their jobs and “walk the talk”. As a mother, all I want is a better future for my children. Most mothers want this.

mothers at yolanda

I know some of you may think that our country is hopeless and even as a mother, we can feel helpless at times. It can be disheartening. I am not helpless. We are not really helpless. I can solve most of my problems. I have the power to solve the problems that is mine to solve. In my own little way, I contribute to the society through my children and using social media tools to advocate social change for social good.

I believe that hard times can motivate us to bring out our best. That choice is ours. We don’t need to have stress or hard times to change ourselves but if it happens, we can learn to channel it into achieving what’s good in our life.

international womens day

While some issues are outside our control, I want to know what Filipino women want and for our government to know these issues and act on it.

International Women’s Day 2015 Theme is MAKE IT HAPPEN. All around the world, International Women’s Day represents an opportunity to celebrate the achievements of women while calling for greater equality. Make It Happen is a wonderful theme to encourage effective action for advancing and recognising women.

pinays want now

Various organisations identify their own International Women’s Day theme, specific to their local context and interests . The Philippines very own Gabriela Philippines initiated the hashtag campaign #PinaysWantNow. What do #PinaysWantNow?

A break, a warm shower, or a hug? An end to violence, poverty and injustice? Let the world know what you want, what women want, what Filipinas want. A day before March 8, International Women’s day, Gabriela started tweeting and sharing infographics like this one below:

gabriela

Some of the tweets talked about gender equality, a HAPPY HOME with no economic crisis, end to rape and other sexual abuses , end of poverty, a safer country for our kids, safety and security in public spaces and public transport. Others called for the resignation of President Aquino and truth and accountability. Gabriela calls for ” System Change, not just piecemeal reforms, revolving door politics.”

Photo via Pinoy Weekly. Some rights reserved.

Photo via Pinoy Weekly. Some rights reserved.

Inday E. Varona wrote a comprehensive list on what #PinaysWantNow

A world where “babae ka” (you’re a woman) is no longer used as an admonition;
A world where men and women imbibe the best of their “learned” traits and help each other do away with unjust, discriminatory habits;
A world where their children’s lives are no longer interrupted by war;
A world where their partners no longer have to leave to fight for a better world;

A world where one’s sexual orientation is no longer “news” and civil status no longer matters;
A world where language is no barrier to the poor taking part in democratic discourse and decision-making;
A world where men and boys take pride in the ability to weep;
A world where women do not have to be imitation men to succeed.

An end to domestic violence;
An end to the mindset that says some people deserve “rape” — or worse;
An end to prejudice against age or gender in the workplace;
An end to the belief that motherhood is a barrier against productivity.

Photo via Gabriela. Some rights reserved.

Photo via Gabriela. Some rights reserved.

How do we make all our calls for change to happen? How will we make it happen? The #PinaysWantNow won’t end on Women’s Day. Not many of us can go to the streets like the strong and courageous Gabriela women. If we can, why not? But for most of us who can’t leave our homes , social media is a tool to advocate social change for social good. Not everyone is born to be an organizer or want to participate in all activities in a community. It is important to start a community even if it is online and maintain a core group to set a single, focused goal to provide direction, motivation and operational guidance.

Using social media as a tool for advocacy works because of “low (or no) hard costs for set-up; potentially wide reach; quick/instantaneous sharing of messages; new opportunities to listen, engage, and monitor your progress.” Let’s continue to push the messages of #PinaysWantNow today and tomorrow until we have achieved the changes we want.

Here are more tweets that answer what #PinaysWantNow.

originally posted on BlogWatch.

To love and to be loved by you, our child,…an honor and so blest.

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valentine's day from my sonIt was sometime January 2004 as I was wheeled through the Operating room of the Philippine Heart Center for an angiogram procedure. Three doctors told me that my heart had blocked arteries and I will need an angioplasty. Two diagnostic tests revealed the necessity for an angioplasty. At that time, all I could think of was the expense, something like 500,000 pesos ($10,000). As I hovered between sleepy state and consciousness , I remember thinking that it was alright to die. I would soon be rejoined by my son. No big deal. As I lay there on the operating table, my cardiac surgeon motioned me to watch the procedure on the TV screen. The sight of my beating heart made me queasy . A few minutes later, the surgeon announced “There is no blockage”

I sought for my sister, a doctor who watched the procedure. She confirmed that I didn’t need angioplasty.

I found out that I had a “spastic heart” which didn’t require an angioplasty. My grief during the past 4 years took a toll on my heart.

In the recovery room over 11 years ago, I mulled over the death of my son . Life did go on even if my heart was broken. I didn’t know how physically broken it was. Our heart is fragile even if the heart muscles are strong. It goes on beating even during the darkest hours . When devastation made its mark , it felt like my heart would never know joy again. The diagnosis awakened something in me. God had given me another chance in life, perhaps to help others or continue to give love to others. One thing I knew for certain, that day marked my road towards a healthier grief journey. I discovered that the heart mends itself, but not like before. There is a scar in my heart which will always remain there. There is a tender spot inside where once the gap was wide. It is healing.

I am grateful that my heart is healing . I am grateful to be alive to give love and receive love.

Happy Love Day to all.
—–

My precious Valentine’s Day Memory. Though death has taken you away from me, my son, my love for you will never die. Love never dies.
happy valentine

“To love and to be loved by you, our child,…an honor and so blest,
Our time on earth cut short, it’s true … But We Sealed It With a Kiss.”

Manulife’s Bundle of Joy advocacy , one way of securing your family’s future

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I still remember my first pregnancy, my first bundle of joy. It was such a beautiful occasion yet filled with anxiety. What will the future hold ?

bundle of joy

I wanted to make sure my babies would have the basic needs in life like education, food and extra curricular activities. I was stay-at-home-mom because I wanted to be there for my children, to be part of their development and see them grow.  I am glad that God has been good to us and we never lacked for anything because I knew my priorities in the household.   New parents are fortunate these days because of the availability of information in family finance.  To help expectant parents or parents of newborns journey into their new life stage, Manulife Philippines has now made life insurance more accessible through its “Bundle of Joy” advocacy. Anyone who wants to build a more secure future for themselves and their family is invited to be a part of Manulife’s Bundle of Joy community by signing up here.

Expectant moms and dads, and parents of children under one year of age are entitled to a FREE one-year term life insurance coverage worth PhP 100,000. Furthermore, everyone who registers online can also access good reads and helpful tips from experts,  join various promotions and win exciting prizes and freebies.

Ryan Charland President & CEO Manulife Philippines with kids during the launch of Bundle of Joy Advocacy

Ryan Charland President & CEO Manulife Philippines with kids during the launch of Bundle of Joy Advocacy

I was able to interview Ryan Charland, President and Chief Executive Officer, Manulife Philippines on the other products and services they will offer. With this promotion, Manulife will surely have a database of parents , and from there, Manulife will engage with the parents to see what they can offer. He adds “Manulife’s Bundle of Joy is part of our continued advocacy to reach, secure and protect as many Filipino families as possible.”

With the help of Manulife’s Bundle of Joy,  parents will be able to access life insurance coverage by having them register online and become part of a community that can support their responsibility as parents. I do hope Manulife tries to reach out to these new parents. I know one of the concerns for parents is the college education of their children.  The Bundle of Joy advocacy is a great start.  Financial protection should be in every new or expectant parent’s checklist as the first step towards securing their family’s future.

Just visit  Manulife’s Bundle of Joy website at www.manulifebundleofjoy.com.ph or like Manulife Philippines’ Facebook fan page at www.facebook.com/ManulifePH.

 

 

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”

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Happy New year. Tonight, it will only be the noise of my “torotot” and the 2007 video of this firecracker explosion from our neighbors. I remember how the explosion deafened me for a few minutes . It was the worst explosion I witnessed. I could only take a minute video. Listen to it.

Tonight, I will pray for the victims of Seniang. So many deaths and loss to property. While everyone was in a holiday mode, parts of Visayas and Mindanao experienced flashfloods, landslides that were unexpected. I know 2015 seems bleak while we experience this heartbreaking yearender. I continue to hope that the Philippines will recover from this. I hope that more Filipinos are discerning towards choosing their leaders.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” says Albert Einstein. Let’s also remember Mother Teresa when she said “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”

I expect good things for myself and my loved ones despite the Seniang storm late this year.

1. When I wonder what is coming, I tell myself the best is coming, the very best in life and love have to offer, the best God will send and claim it as mine.

2. I see the best in my mind and envision what it will look like and feel like.

3. After I have envisioned the good things, I let it go and come back to the present moment. I will not obsess. I become excited.

word cloud for year 2015

Today, as the year ends, I am full of gratitude for all that I received this year. Good and bad.

I will wait and expect good things for 2015.

To all my readers, I hope that when you think about the year ahead, you will focus on the good that is coming.

New is the year, new are the hopes, new is the resolution, new are the spirits, and new are my warm wishes just for you. Have a promising and fulfilling New Year. Happy New Year!

Golden 2015 Happy New Year Greeting Card With Sparking Spot Ligh

The Christmas letter my daughter wrote 10 years ago, that changed my life.

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christmas greeting card

Early this year, I cleared up all the junk that was piling at home.  Lying beneath all that clutter , I spotted this  special Christmas card, that my daughter gave me on December 24, 2004. Yes, exactly 10 years ago. I clearly remember myself 10 years ago. I was like a zombie, grief stricken from the loss of my beloved son and avoided  social contact with friends and relatives, except immediate family. It had been four years since my son died but still, I felt I was  holed up in the deepest pit, trying to  find the light that would bring me to a new normal.   I was borderline obese and ugly.   Not only that, I was a controlling mother and an indifferent wife.  So, when I read Lauren’s greeting card, I suddenly saw a tiny ray of light…and felt a knot in my throat. GUILT.

 

christmas greeting card 1

With my daughter’s permission, I am copying the contents of her beautiful letter.  So  wise beyond her 18 years, I want you to read it for yourself:

 

December 24, 2004

Dearest Mom,

I thought I’d write you a short Christmas letter as a token of my gratitude for everything that you’ve done for me.  I mean, you’ve done so much for me and…. and Dad and you put so much effort into making holidays like this memorable and magical for  all of us. You’ve done a wonderful job and I appreciate it very much.

I see you do so many things for us, and sometimes I wonder if you do anything for yourself. It’s okay for you to take care of us but I think you need to take more care of yourself. I guess I’m a bit worried about what you will do with your life after M and I leave the nest. I think it would be nice for you to go out once in a while, relax and just have fun and not attend to family duties. Take a break and be yourself.

I guess the reason why I’m telling you this is because even if I don’t show it very often, I do love you and I am concerned about you, I want you to be happy , and I want to know if you will be all right two or three years  from now when I go off and start my own life.

You and I are very different from one another and I hope you understand that even though I’d like to do everything you ask of me, I’m my own person too. And sometimes I do things not so I could piss you off, but because it’s something I want for myself.  And while I know you are constantly worried about me because it’s your job to, I thought I’d let you know that I’m going to be just fine.

Merry Christmas , Mom. I love you.

Love from

Your daughter, Lauren

 

When I showed Lauren this letter , I asked her how I turned out…10 years after. Did I pass the mark?

“I guess”, my wise daughter nods.

Here are a few things I did the following year:

2005

– Finally gave my daughter the approval to continue the relationship with someone I did not approve

– Enrolled at Fitness First to lose excess weight

– gave my husband an ultimatum, to shape up or our marriage is over

– Co-founded the grief support group for bereaved parents, The Compassionate friends in December 2005

2006

– started this blog

I believe I am taking care of myself more than I did 10 years ago. I lost all those excess pounds. I feel pretty oh so pretty. My social life and career as a mom blogger and citizen advocate make life so worth living. I also believe I am a better person than I was ten years ago. Yes, my home is now an empty nest and it gets lonely at times but I found something to be busy with– working for the future of this country.I want to make a difference in my children’s lives by making a difference in the world.  And I have four cats to keep me company aside from my husband. I hope my daughters are proud of me because I am proud of myself. I hope they will count the times I worked hard to attain this new normal than those times I fell in that pit.

 

Being a mother can be the greatest opportunity for growth. Our children show us possibilities , that there is a new world out there. The struggle to be our best “when the stakes are so high offers us a chance to be introspective and explore ideas we might not have ever considered.” I encourage parents to explore these possibilities and integrate everything our children are trying to teach us. We learn so much from them.

Thank you, my dear daughters for raising your mother well.

Miss nothing , a touching video for overseas Filipinos

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“Christmas is the most important celebration of the year for many Filipinos and its essence lies in precious moments shared with the family. In this project, we provide the opportunity for families to come together in one hub, regardless of their actual location, and share memories seamlessly, like they’re never apart.” – Ryan Morales, Google Philippines Country Marketing Manager

google hangout

Over 13 million Filipinos live abroad, away from their families including my daughter and three siblings. This will be my second Christmas without my daughter at our home in the Philippines. It is lonely without her. My family is not complete. I console myself by thinking that Home is where the heart is. Your home is whatever place you long to be. I use Viber to chat with my daughter, though . Sometimes, it is better to use email so it does not get lost in the clutter of the chat box. My daughter uses WhatsApp to communicate with her sister. There are countless ways to connect with our loved ones abroad. This Christmas, +Google Philippines pays tribute to them through a video.It is so touching. Initial feedback from friends in my facebook wall is positive and uplifting

The message of the video is one can share the everyday no matter the distance. Google does this by having a balikbayan website at g.co/balikbayan.. At the Balikbayan website, “users can learn how to use Google tools like Hangouts, Search, and Maps can help them adjust to their new lives and countries, while still keeping in touch with their loved ones still in the Philippines. OFWs can also visit the Google+ Community called OFW Circle to connect with other OFWs around the world.”

My sister found the video so touching “I can really feel for our overseas Filipinos (because I am one of them).” The pangs of loneliness are just more pronounced on Christmas because most associate it with family.

google PH miss nothing

Like I said, I console myself. Truly our home is where the heart is. My heart will always be with my two girls and my siblings. They will forever be my home. My brother is in Abu Dahbi which is another home, and my two other sisters are in California, another home to me. Europe is now one of my homes. My home is dear to me. My home is where my family is at this very moment wherever they may be, even if they are now are scattered all over the world.

Holiday Blues- Sad, Lonely and Depressed

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holiday_bluesTis the season to be jolly…fa-la-la-la-la. Right, it may be a season to be jolly for some of us but there are a few out there who experience the holiday blues for so many reasons. I can see it in the emails I receive. I am not a therapist but for some reason, more and more visitors email me asking for advice for all sorts of reason. Of course, their questions are for my eyes only. They are sad, lonely and depressed. The suicide rate is even the highest during this holiday season. How I wish I could help but I am not a professional counselor though I can offer friendly advice. I’ve gathered a few tips for those feeling the holiday blues. As you might know, the holiday blues is defined as a feeling of sadness, loneliness, depression and even anxiety that often occur in and around the holiday season.” You or your loved one might be having a temporary spell of the blues without knowing it. There is nothing abnormal about having the “holiday blues,” which are more like a mood than any sort of lasting condition. Depression, anxiety, and other psychological symptoms are associated with the holidays because this season brings back memories of a happier time in our lives.

Who experiences the Blues?

People who might be at risk for feeling blue at the holidays include:

  • Someone who has a death in the family
  • Someone who has experienced financial setbacks at the holidays
  • Someone who is separated from loved ones at the holidays with work, military obligations or other reasons
  • Someone who has experienced other losses – moving, recent difficult medical diagnosis
  • Someone who has experienced a change in lifestyle – getting married, getting divorced, new baby
  • Someone who tends to be depressed, stressed, anxious

holiday bluesHow will you recognize you have the blues?

  • Headaches
  • An inability to sleep or sleeping too much
  • Changes in appetite that cause either weight loss or gain
  • Agitation and anxiety
  • Excessive or inappropriate feelings of guilt
  • Diminished ability to think clearly or concentrate
  • Decreased interest in activities that usually are enjoyable, such as: food, sex, work, friends, hobbies and entertainment.

blue christmasHow does one cope with the Holiday Blues?

For anyone feeling blue during the holidays can follow some very basic, common sense steps to help in coping with the blues.

  • Take things one day at a time and if need be one hour at a time.
  • Try and maintain a normal routine. Keep doing your normal daily activities.
  • Get enough sleep or at least enough rest.
  • Regular exercise, even walking, helps relieve stress, tension and improve moods.
  • Eat a healthy, balanced diet. Limit high calorie foods and junk food.
  • Avoid using alcohol, medications or other drugs to mask the pain.
  • Do those activities or things and be with the people that comfort, sustain, nourish and recharge you.
  • Remember the healthy coping strategies you have used in the past to survive challenges. Draw on these strengths again.

Walk-Away-the-Holiday-Blues-Stress

What does one do to feel less blue during the Holidays?

There are several things that can help in making it easier to manage the blues.

  • Determine your priorities and establish realistic goals for the holidays.
  • Delegate some responsibilities to others.
  • Take time for yourself.
  • Minimize financial stressors by setting a budget and sticking to it.
  • Enjoy free holiday activities.
  • Think about giving a free gift from your heart. Your time or your presence.
  • Be around supportive people.
  • Volunteer and help someone else.
  • Create a New Holiday Tradition.
  • Find a new place or a new way to celebrate.

Source: Holiday Blues – Feeling Sad, Lonely or Depressed During the Holidays?

For those facing Christmas alone for the first time due to death of a loved one, I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust and share your feelings with them. Devote a place and time before Christmas Day in which you can openly honor your loved one and acknowledge your feelings. On Christmas Day, intentionally set your focus on family and friends who not only share in your loss, but who bring precious gifts of love and support to aid in your healing journey.

Be aware that the hurts of a loss, a broken relationship, or simply of being alone are magnified during the holiday. Look for those around you who are hurting and care for them, spend time with them, love them.

For those that lost a child, here are two posts I wrote ,on Coping and Surviving Christmas and Handling the Holidays.

Just know that while the Holiday Blues can be emotional, intense and upsetting, these feelings tend to be temporary and last at the most for about 2 weeks. The Blues end and people generally feel better once the holiday season is over and get back into their normal daily routine.

For many years after my son died, Christmas was a dreaded holiday by my husband. In turn, I dreaded his sour mood. Today, I look forward to the holiday season more than ever. I smile and sigh that finally my husband is able to handle the holidays a little bit better. I gather in my blessings and count them all. I count the blessings of the most important people in my life and I find the peace that comes with counting a holiday of joy remembered and love shared. Love never dies, and the light always shines in our hearts and home.

Image via blog.carvana.com

Life is short. Have a love affair with yourself.

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There is a lot of buzz on this Ashley Madison, “married dating company” that is now active in the Philippines. Imagine there are now 2,500 users. The Philippines is even seeking to block this “Ashley Madison adultery website”. The site “invites married folks to commit adultery without getting caught. The 12-year-old site which was founded in Canada is reportedly going strong in Catholic countries abroad. With the success of such teleseryes like “The Legal Wife” and “Two Wives,” the people behind Ashley Madison expect the Philippines to become one of their top five markets.”

ashley madison

Thanks to media for making affairs look so exciting.

Christoph Kraemer, the company’s European communications director and spokesperson told ABS-CBN that some of their users, ” say their relationship with their spouses improved after having an affair. It’s like the spark and passion were reignited. And it’s very telling that in its 12 years of existence and 30 million members, not once have [we] been been cited in a court case as a reason to get a divorce. We don’t endanger a marriage, we actually help save a marriage”.

CEO Noel Biderman told the New York Observer: “Infidelity is happening [in Muslim countries] anyway….In the Muslim world, I can provide women the opportunity to have discreet affairs and not risk their marriages, or something more severe.”

Ashley Madison FAQ says that the site does not, in fact, encourage infidelity. “In fact, if you are having difficulty with your relationship, you should seek counseling.”

I can’t relate to why people cheat. Charles Orlando wrote an article “Why Women Cheat: A Married Man Goes Undercover On Ashley Madison “. Here are some of his reflections:

Some were looking to have sex, period. Others were looking to subsidize their current relationship with a human connection… and if it led to sex, even better. But all were clear that they were not leaving their current relationship. These weren’t monkeys getting a grip on the next branch before letting go of the first. They just wanted to feel what they used to feel from the man in their life.

The most common complaint was a lack of passion and effort by the man in their current relationship. It makes sense. When a man begins dating a woman, he puts in tons of effort; he woos her. Once she’s “his,” he stops putting in that effort, but she still longs for it. She wants to be desired, seduced, and connected with on a regular basis.

See , it was all about the lack of passion. Something was needed to spice it up. But does it have to be a married dating website?

I don’t know enough to understand how this dating website works. If that is your kind of thing, it is not mine. I will speak for myself. Call me old-fashioned and traditional but if I want to rekindle the passion in my marriage, I will not have an affair. Yes, using this dating website is having an affair because there is psychological cheating. Doing so devalues my human dignity. I love myself too much to resort to cheating. Yes, I did have marital problems. Instead of blaming my husband, I worked on myself. Our married life has never been better. There are the occasional irritants but I choose my battles.

love-yourself-first
Like I said, infidelity occurs once you date someone , even from a distance. I have found ways to spice my life , with or without my husband. In the end, it strengthened my marriage . Here is what I did:

1. I recall what made me fall in love with my husband and worked on that memory. It helped that I had a diary that chronicled the conversations of sweet nothings.

2. Good friends especially my girl-friends spice up my life. Oh how we talk honestly about our sex life during coffee. Even if I may encounter challenges, my deep love and commitment motivates me to work things out. Male friends are good too but I prefer that they are with my girl-friends in the same conversation.

3. Most of all, loving myself unconditionally I am a strong believer that if you love yourself first, love overflows. I worked on how I looked. I went to the gym and lost those excess fats. I reinvented my fashion style and stopped wearing frumpy clothes that hid my fats. Taking in a new career in blogging also helped because it exposed me to new friendships and experiences.

I believe , “You cannot give what you do not have.” I find that I am a better wife, a better mother, a more compassionate friend, after I spent time nurturing myself.

4. Believe in giving second chances. It takes two to a marriage. I knew I had to take care of myself , first and foremost. I had to give myself a second chance. A second chance to be a more loving wife and mother. A second chance to be more financially independent and a second chance to be a better person.

It takes two to make a relationship work. It is easy to blame the other partner if something fails in a relationship. I used to blame my husband for every little thing without even checking if I too had my faults. When I took away the focus from my husband and turned to myself, wonderful things happened to me, my family and my life, in general.

Life is short. Enjoy. Make the most out of it. Start with having a love affair with yourself.

Real Beauty, undeniably, comes from within #WeAreBeautiful

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Attending the recent #WeAreBeautiful event brought out a lot of interesting statistics about how Filipina girls thought of themselves. In a locally-commissioned study by Dove on young Filipina adolesecent girls, the result reflected that 2 out of 3 girls feel pressured to look beautiful coming from external pressure from peers and friends. This does not stop the same girls from being hopeful about their future. What is interesting though is that 81% of the respondents still consider their mom as their role model, which is much higher than the global average of 55%.

we are beautiful

I used to have beauty anxiety when I was a young child up to my early teens. My uncles would often tease how dark I looked.  Perhaps the teasing came about because my mother was fair-skinned. I grew up feeling ugly until I reached 14 years old . Looking at the mirror, I smiled at my image said to myself,  “I am beautiful” . Well, I looked more beautiful if I smiled because my non-smiling face makes me look angry. The facts and figures surrounding beauty anxiety in young girls and the pressure to squeeze into rigid definitions is a cause of concern. It affects their self-esteem . I should know. During my elementary years, my grades were below average even failing Filipino or Sewing class. It was only in High School that I realized I was smart after all.

beauty legacy

Dove affirmed that mothers have the potential to be catalysts of change and create a future of empowered women. Dove added that every “Dove girl is a mother who taught her to believe in her own beauty”. The video “Dove Legacy” made me reflect about how moms felt about their bodies. In the video, the featured moms were asked how they felt about their bodies. The same question was posed to their respective daughters. The results were surprising. The insecurities of monthers were clearly mirrored by the insceurities that their children have developed. The same goes with what they are happiest about with their body.

The film emphasizes the role every mom plays in the formation of her daughter. Because daughters often mirror their mothers’ actions, moms wield the power to mold their children into confident, empowered women. I asked myself if I had somehow mirrored some of my actions to my daughters. Only my daughters can affirm this because I know I made mistakes that I have passed on to them. One thing I know for sure is I often complain of my body weight. Being fat is not just a beauty concern. It is a health issue so I keep checking myself for body mass index. I hope my daughters think it is not just being vain. Going to the gym for the past nine years is taking a pro-active approach to battle the bulge and being fit. I am glad my daughters also bring exercise in their lives by enrolling in gym class, dance class or yoga.

beauty legacy

As Lee Haney said “Parents must lead by example. Don’t use the cliche; do as I say and not as I do. We are our children’s first and most important role models.” If there is a beauty legacy I want to impart,  it is that I want my daughters  to love themselves first. To love yourself, you first need to know yourself, to realize and appreciate your unique, individual ways. A discovery late in life taught me that a loving relationship with myself works because it leads to a loving relationship with others . Loving yourself will eventually show in every action one takes. When we believe in ourselves, we shine with the confidence and vibe we exude.

Real Beauty, undeniably, comes from within.

Do you believe what your daughter feels about herself starts with you?

my children beauty legacy

Opening their hearts to adoption: Childless couple adopts a child

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When my beloved son died 14 years ago, I wanted to have another baby but I thought it was risky at my age. Then we thought of adoption. An office mate of a friend wanted us to adopt their sixth baby but she changed her mind at the last minute. Adoption has always been in our minds. If someone handed a baby over to me, I will gladly accept. I am sure parents out there want to have a child of their own. The Social Marketing Service of the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) shared me this story of an adoptive couple beaming with joy, as Bryan and Marie Grace hold their daughter Margie close to their hearts. . DSWD needs help in their advocacy to find permanent and loving families for needy Filipino children.

retales family

Here is their story

The year 2000 was memorable for Bryan and Marie Grace Retales, as that year, they met and fell in love, literally in the workplace.

Marie Grace worked as an animal nutritionist at the Savers Feed Company while Bryan was a veterinarian at the Nueva Swine Valley Savers, a sister company of Savers.

Since their workplaces are extensions of each other, Bryan often visited the Savers Feed Company in Makati City.  On the other hand, Marie Grace often go to Nueva Swine Valley in Iloilo to examine the hogs.

Hence, Bryan’s and Marie Grace’s careers intertwined and they quickly became close friends because of their frequent interaction.

The couple shared that at first, no courtship happened and they just enjoyed each other’s company.

“Later on,” Bryan said, “I became attracted to Marie Grace because of her sincerity and simplicity.” On the other hand, Marie Grace valued Bryan’s sense of humor and caring nature.

This started their long distance relationship.

After six months of phone calls and text messages, Bryan decided to look for another job in Manila to be closer to Marie Grace.

Four years after, they were married at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Parish in Quezon City on January 15, 2005.

Difficulty in starting a family

The Retales couple had always wanted to have a big family with four children, at least. But they faced a problem early in the marriage.

Marie Grace was diagnosed to have Polycystic Ovarian Cysts Syndrome (PCOS) since she was 12 years old which made it difficult for her to conceive.

Driven by their desire to have a child, the couple took fertility workouts in 2005 at the Medical City in Pasig City. Marie Grace was prescribed fertility pills but to no avail.

They were then offered to undergo artificial insemination and in-vitro fertility test (IVF) but they refused as  they felt these do not conform to their practices and beliefs as devoted Christians.

In 2007, the couple consulted another doctor  at the University of Sto. Tomas (UST) hospital and Marie Grace was once again prescribed with fertility pills.

Pregnancy  remained elusive, though.

“I was disappointed but remained hopeful,” Marie Grace said.

The couple took another fertility workout in 2009 at the Los Baños Doctor’s Hospital in Laguna where Marie Grace was given fertility pills, this time with higher dosage.  But after seeing his wife suffer from side effects, Bryan convinced his wife to discontinue taking the fertility pills.

“My strong faith in God and Bryan’s continuous support gave me the strength to eventually accept my situation.  I am blessed to have a loving and understanding husband who made me feel that our love for each other is more important than trying to have a child of our own,” Marie Grace said.

Opening their hearts to adoption

The idea of adoption came to them in November 2009 when their household helper informed them about an abandoned three-day old boy at San Anton Parish in Los Baños, Laguna.

Without his wife’s knowledge, Bryan became interested and searched for the baby boy in different hospitals in the province.  When he found the child, Bryan bought him milk and diaper.

Later, he informed Marie Grace about the medical condition of the child and his willingness to help him. She readily agreed so they often visited the child in the hospital and paid for his medical needs. They got so attached to the infant that they decided to adopt him.

The couple then submitted their application to legally adopt the baby boy to the Los Baños Municipal Social Welfare Office (LBMSWO), where the infant was referred by the hospital for temporary shelter.

They, however, later found out that the child was released to another couple for adoption.

Bryan and Marie Grace were disappointed on  the turn of events.  They wanted to pursue a case against the LBMSWO for discounting their application, but the baby’s pediatrician advised them against it, explaining that conflict and stress may not help the child.

The experience, though disappointing, helped the couple realize that they are capable of loving a child who is not biologically their own. They then decided to forego fertility treatments and opted for legal adoption instead.

The Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) advocates for adoption, or the socio-legal process of finding a permanent family to the many abandoned, neglected and/or relinquished children waiting in centers.  In providing for a permanent home, however, DSWD reminds couples to always opt for legal adoption.

“Legal adoption offers security and ensures the best interest of the child. This is why DSWD discourages direct placement and is against simulation of birth certificates,” DSWD Secretary Corazon Juliano-Soliman said.

Welcoming Baby Margie

In January 2011, they contacted NORFIL Foundation, Inc., a child placement agency accredited by DSWD, to express their interest in adopting a baby girl. The couple was present at the Local Matching Conference at DSWD Central Office in May 2011, where they were matched to an 8-month old baby girl from an orphanage in Palawan.

They named their child Maria Margarita, fondly called Margie.

The couple then became the epitome of loving parents with Bryan taking a one-week break from work to bond with their  infant daughter, while Marie Grace filed two years of leave from her post-graduate studies to be a full-time mother to Margie.

“We are very happy to have Margie in our lives. Our home is now livelier because of her presence,” the couple enthused. Although they experienced some changes in their lifestyle with Margie’s arrival, they simply enjoy being with their daughter.

Margie is now three years old. Bryan and Marie Grace claimed that they never felt that Margie is adopted because they love her unconditionally.

Adoption paved the way for them to fulfill their dreams of having a child of their own, and finally, a family.

They also believe that their daughter has a right to know the truth.

“We do not intend to hide the fact that Margie is adopted.  We want to be honest and open with her, and affirm her that there is nothing wrong with being adopted,” the couple emphasized.

Active parent advocates

Bryan and Marie Grace are active participants of NORFIL’s Adoptive Parents (NAP) Adoption Support Group, taking part in its activities so they can learn and share their positive experiences on adoption to other adoptive families.

Further, as part of the support group, they advocate to couples who are able to consider adoption and help the many kids waiting to have their own families in the different orphanages.

Children needing families

The Retales’ story is just one of the heartwarming stories of childless couples finding fulfillment in becoming loving parents to homeless children.

In the first semester of 2014 alone, a total of 257 children were issued with a DSWD Certification Declaring a Child Legally Available for Adoption (CDCLAA).  Of the said number, 110 children are already under the care of families for trial custody that will eventually lead to possible adoption, 10 children are for foster-adopt cases while 137 children are for local matching process with adoptive parents.

For those interested to know more on how to go about legal adoption procedures, you may  call DSWD-Adoption Resource  and Referal Unit (ARRU) at 734 86 22  or contact the accredited DSWD-licensed adoption NGOs such as Kaisahang Buhay Foundation (KBF) at  912 11 60 and Norfil Foundation at 372 3577. ###