Recovery Tips Archives » Page 8 of 33

04Apr 2015

My brother’s battle with Leukemia

April 3 is the 16th death anniversary of my younger brother, Oscar. He died from a failed stem cell transplant. He was only 40 years old. Oscar was diagnosed with Acute myeloid leukemia (AML-M4) on September 1, 1996. Getting sick of leukemia is a logistical nightmare especially if one is looking for blood type AB donors.

A caricature of my brother in 1982 when he managed our bakeshop, Sally’s Home Bake Shop

Our family worked diligently to support Oscar in his search for a cure, spanning hours and hours of research and inquiries through the internet and electronic mail. Research revealed that Oscar needed a stem cell transplant upon remission but unfortunately, he relapsed before we found a hospital within our budget. Cost of stem cell transplant ranged from 7 to 20 million pesos in 1998. The cheapest transplant was in Israel. To raise funds for his transplant, we put one of our properties for sale.

Fortunately, Oscar was eligible to participate in a Clinical trial at the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute (NHLBI) in Bethesda, Maryland. My sister’s friend who worked in that institute informed us of the clinical trial which was already in Phase 3. This phase is the second to the last step prior to making it a protocol among doctors. The stem cell transplant , medicines and hospitalization were free. Luck was also on our side because my sibling-doctor was an exact tissue match. The hospital required us to raise money for his board and lodging outside the hospital. Total budget for the 6 month stay was estimated to reach only 600 thousand pesos. Everything seemed perfect.

Oscar made the brave choice to undergo a stem cell transplant, knowing that there was a 50-50 chance he would survive, and that he had to take that risk. (View videotape of his reflections after the transplant )

The stem cells never had a chance to grow because of sepsis. After 6 months in NHLBI, the doctors sadly announced that he had to return to the Philippines. I guess the doctors decided they couldn’t do anything for him so they sent him home. Oscar, thin and black from the radiation treatment arrived on March 29, 1999. I held his frail hand and prayed quietly that God deliver him from his pain.

He smiled at me ” At least, we did not have to spend our inheritance to pay for my treatment”

We talked until he was tired. Knowing his days were numbered, I slept beside him that night .

Oscar held on to the hope that there was a chance to recover . Inspite of his optimism, he prepared for his death. He videotaped instructions for his two sons on how to run his lechon business, deposited college funds , dictated his last will and testament and discussed other matters.

On April 3, 1999, Oscar suffered a brain hemorrhage and died a few hours later.

When a sibling dies, all future special occasions will be forever changed. There will be no more shared birthday celebrations, anniversaries, or holidays. There will be no telephone calls telling of the milestones of a nephew or niece. The sharing of life’s unique and special events will never again take place.

In tribute to the memory of my brother, I created a memorial site which includes midi files of his compositions and some photos and legacies. I can just hear him playing his award-winning musical piece, Pangarap ng Musmos which is now a church song. Oscar is having a blast playing the piano with my son, my mom, dad and Ruben, another brother in heaven.

24Feb 2015

Hack it big: Unconventional life hacks for life’s common dilemmas

by webs ⋅ Leave a Comment

by Lean Panganiban, as originally posted at Philippine Online Chronicles

Sometimes, you need more than conventional wisdom and obvious advice to get yourself back on track. These productivity hacks might seem strange, but they can help not only to jumpstart your life, but make it big out there. You guys are open to pitch in. Leave tips you swear by in the comments section below.

WHEN WORK IS BORING.

#1: DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB JUST YET.

I’ve no idea how many internet stories you’ve read on how some successful person quit their job or got fired and dove straight to another company or launched an impromptu backpack adventure to the Amazon jungle. Mindlessly quitting your job without a plan isn’t really a wise thing to do. You may feel liberated, but the lack of income can really take its toll on your finances, especially if others are depending on you. Come up with a plan or have enough savings to tide you over for the short-term future, THEN, quit. Quit your job ONLY when it makes sense.

#2: TRY THE ONE-MINUTE RULE.

This is a pro-tip from Happiness Project author, Gretchen Rubin. The rule states that you should do anything that presents itself, right away, as long as you can do it in a minute. This means doing any task—from wiping off eraser crumbs from your desk, to filling in a form, to answering an email in a minute or less. According to Rubin, this rule is very effective in getting things done because it keeps all those small thing, nagging tasks under control. If done right, it can make your life more serene and less overwhelmed.

#3: BUILD YOUR OWN MUSIC FORTRESS.

On a lazy day inside your gloomy office cubicle, there’s nothing better to do than to listen to this song. Feel inspired to launch into your own little happy dance after.

WHEN RELATIONSHIPS ARE, UM, COMPLICATED.

#1: TURN SOMETHING UPSIDE DOWN.

Turning something upside-down, whether physically by flipping a piece of paper around or metaphorically re-imagining the process can help you see patterns that wouldn’t otherwise be obvious. The human brain has a bunch of pattern-making habits that often obscure other, more subtle patterns at work. You might want to ponder what a relationship issue or problem would look like if the least important outcome were the most important, and how you’d try to solve it then. Changing the orientation of things can hide the more obvious patterns and make other patterns emerge.

Relationships CAN be as easy as making pancakes.

#2: TAKE A SHOWER AND SLEEP ON IT (WHEN HAVING AN ARGUMENT WITH SOMEONE).

A lot of people swear by these! Maybe there’s some kind of weird psychic link between doing relaxing things and good anger management. Why does it work? Maybe it’s the soft sheets and olive-scented pillows, maybe it’s the warm water relaxing you, or maybe the fact that your mind is on other things. Whatever it is, it’s a mystery!

#3: TRY TO NOT USE THE PHONE WHEN HAVING DINNER WITH FAMILY.

I am late in my twenties. Like all yuppies out there, I am having a hard time not looking at my phone for an hour or so. But when I do leave my phone alone and look at my family while we’re having dinner together, you can see my them light up. Also, they become a lot more talkative and livelier.

#4: BRAG.

Describing why and how you got a stable career after college is the new COOL. I won’t go deep here as you probably get it already. But believe me, it works!

WHEN YOU’RE GOING THROUGH A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS (let’s talk about when you’re smack dab in the middle of one!)

#1: ASK A CHILD FOR SOLUTIONS.

Children think and speak with disregard to convention and that is often helpful to us, adults.

Ask a child how they might tackle a problem, and you might be surprised how uncomplicated a thing is in their eyes. This doesn’t mean that you have to dash out and build a rocket ship because a child told you so—the idea isn’t to do what the child says, but to walk your own thinking into a more unconventional path.

Sometimes, non-conformity is cool. Just don’t let the humans and chief get you.

#2: READ ABOUT THE COSMOS AND DISCOVER HOW SMALL YOU ARE.

The universe is huge and you are tiny. Now, think about how the earth seems in comparison to you. Think about how even in this universe, the earth, the other planets, our sun, are just specks inside the huge dust of it all. You will be surprised to know that there are 300 billion other stars in our tiny corner of space. This 209-second video will make you question your life and your existence. Out of the quadrillions of creatures in this planet, we’re the only ones with soul and awareness of all these. This awareness allows us to create and understand, tread on this world lightly, and ultimately connect to something higher.

#3 HANG OUT WITH SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE.

I am not suggesting you dump the old ones, just add more to your list. Seek out successful, bright, funny, interesting, wonderful women (or men) and make them your friends for unselfish reasons.

#4: STOP READING INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES.

Depending on what you feel the day you read them, inspirational quotes can be misleading sometimes. Stop regurgitating these self-help clichés and do the actual work instead. You might find this article helpful.

*Photos owned by the author.

14Feb 2015

To love and to be loved by you, our child,…an honor and so blest.

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 8 Comments

It was sometime January 2004 as I was wheeled through the Operating room of the Philippine Heart Center for an angiogram procedure. Three doctors told me that my heart had blocked arteries and I will need an angioplasty. Two diagnostic tests revealed the necessity for an angioplasty. At that time, all I could think of was the expense, something like 500,000 pesos ($10,000). As I hovered between sleepy state and consciousness , I remember thinking that it was alright to die. I would soon be rejoined by my son. No big deal. As I lay there on the operating table, my cardiac surgeon motioned me to watch the procedure on the TV screen. The sight of my beating heart made me queasy . A few minutes later, the surgeon announced “There is no blockage”

I sought for my sister, a doctor who watched the procedure. She confirmed that I didn’t need angioplasty.

I found out that I had a “spastic heart” which didn’t require an angioplasty. My grief during the past 4 years took a toll on my heart.

In the recovery room over 11 years ago, I mulled over the death of my son . Life did go on even if my heart was broken. I didn’t know how physically broken it was. Our heart is fragile even if the heart muscles are strong. It goes on beating even during the darkest hours . When devastation made its mark , it felt like my heart would never know joy again. The diagnosis awakened something in me. God had given me another chance in life, perhaps to help others or continue to give love to others. One thing I knew for certain, that day marked my road towards a healthier grief journey. I discovered that the heart mends itself, but not like before. There is a scar in my heart which will always remain there. There is a tender spot inside where once the gap was wide. It is healing.

I am grateful that my heart is healing . I am grateful to be alive to give love and receive love.

Happy Love Day to all.
—–

My precious Valentine’s Day Memory. Though death has taken you away from me, my son, my love for you will never die. Love never dies.

“To love and to be loved by you, our child,…an honor and so blest,
Our time on earth cut short, it’s true … But We Sealed It With a Kiss.”

30Jan 2015

Farewell, Fallen Forty Four! #Fallen44 #SAF44

by webs ⋅ Leave a Comment

By Lakwatserang Paruparo as originally posted on Blog Watch, Philippine Online Chronicles

They chose to become policemen.
They strived to be the best they can be.
They didn’t really want to be heroes.
They just wanted to do the job they loved to do.
And that job is to defend the country and their countrymen.

They lived by their core values of Service, Integrity and Excellence and their motto is “By skill and virtue, we triumph.”

But life can really be cruel sometimes. Despite the intensive training they got for being an elite group known as “The Philippine National Police Special Action Force” or “PNP-SAF,” it is unfortunate that the bullets that killed them knew no training to recognize them. Instead, the ones who pulled the trigger on them were the ones highly trained to recognize them as the enemy.

And so they fell.

Image from @MisterBanatero. Some rights reserved

Forty four brave young men fell doing their duty to their motherland. They fell on an unfortunate day, a Sunday. They fell on a day when people were mostly worshipping and praying for peace. They even fell on the birth anniversary of the late President Corazon C. Aquino on January 25. Incidentally, on January 29, 1991, or 24 years ago, she signed Republic Act 6975 and with it, the PC-SAF became the PNP-SAF. The objective of the said Act was the need to reshuffle and revamp every government agency to facilitate the transition of the government from Dictatorship to Democracy.

Those who have seen the photographs of the Fallen 44 on television cannot help but feel a tinge of sadness as if they know them personally. There is an invisible thread that somehow linked the country to them and their loved ones, a link that understood the grief, never mind the reason for their deaths. I watched and felt sad. As a mother, I couldn’t imagine what their own grieving mothers are feeling right now. I could only reach out in prayer that their souls journey and rest in blissful peace after their bodies have been brutally massacred.

President Benigno Simeon Aquino III, son of the late President Cory, declared January 30, 2015 a “Day of Mourning” for these brave and fearless officers of the Special Action Force.

As in the days of Typhoon Yolanda, or the early days of the Pork Barrel and DAP controversies, or even the recent papal visit, nothing divides our country more than opinions relating to the words and actions of the President. I know he cannot please everyone: there will always be dissenters, bashers and critics and there will also be the perennially jaundiced followers and apologists but amidst all these, surely, there’s the right thing to be done at the right time and the right place. It’s not giving in to popular demand or riding the tide of a politically correct decision. It is simply being human and humane devoid of political trappings.

Prior to the “Day of Mourning” were days of waiting and expecting, and eventually, bashing and defending not just in social media but in mainstream media as well. #NasaanAngPangulo trended worldwide more than “TruthfortheFallen44” or “SAF44.” Former Presidents and former Generals joined in the fray as the President, his concerned cabinet members and the officers involved in the cover operation were catapulted into the limelight of notoriety once more. Suddenly, everyone had an opinion. Suddenly, everyone wanted to be heard. Suddenly, the war turned to a word war that burned in cyberspace.

That wouldn’t have been the case had the President did what he should have done as Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of the Philippines and as a human being. The Head of the Roman Catholic Church, the charismatic Pope Francis just barely stepped out of our country leaving a trail of hope and faith amidst chaos and despair when everyone was suddenly jolted back to reality. The least that the Filipinos wanted to hear from the President during his televised address of the nation last January 28 was an honest-to-goodness admission of accountability instead of a “tour’ of his mind with its intricate and oftentimes misplaced logic that perfectly screamed “evasion!” What’s wrong with saying “I am responsible” the way sacked PNP Chief Supt. Getulio Napeñas stated? What’s wrong with saying “I am sorry” for the botched covert operations? Does he need the blood of 44 more men to write that down?

Then came the day when the 44 bodies in metal caskets arrived at Villamor Air Base where the #Fallen 44 was given the appropriate honors. After the much-criticized speech, the President could have redeemed himself by being present at the ceremonies. Voila! He wasn’t! Instead, he chose to grace the previously scheduled inauguration of the Mitsubishi plant in Sta. Rosa, Laguna. It’s in times like this when I think having a wife would’ve been beneficial to him because a woman’s wisdom sometimes can save a man’s ass. And I wonder, who in the world advised him to put a car above a soldier’s dignity, and never mind going to the arrival of the bodies because he will lead the necrological services anyway?

And people continue to ask, where is his mercy and compassion? If the Pope himself expressed his desire to be with the Yolanda victims as soon as he heard about the disaster in Leyte, and if he insisted on flying to Tacloban amidst a Signal No. 2 typhoon, why couldn’t the President personally condole with the bereaved loved ones and be at the arrival of the slain SAF officers? Why, oh, why?

Image by Paolo Arevalo. Some rights reserved.

Being there for someone in times of loss is more than enough comfort. It means a lot to have someone like the President of the country to be there to show he truly cares, that he has a heart for those fallen soldiers who he called heroes. Never mind if he doesn’t admit that he gave the marching orders and sent those men to their graves. There is no need for words, a strong presence is more than enough to show his big heart, if he really has one.

People of the Philippines: “Sir, where were you when your presence was needed most?”

President: “I don’t think I was ever asked that question. At the same token, parang it’s a rhetorical question, ‘di ba?”

People of the Philippines: Was that to much to ask, Mr. President?

Mismo!

Farewell #Fallen44

29Dec 2014

Flower Power, Make Love Not War

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 4 Comments

Smile. God Loves You. I often scribbled those words in my diary way back in the early seventies when I was in High School. I also picked up Flower Power, a slogan likely coined by Alan Ginsberg in 1965. It referred the hippie notion of ““make love not war,” and the idea that love and nonviolence, such as the growing of flowers, was a better way to heal the world than continued focus on capitalism and wars. I often ended my diary entry with a smiley face and a flower on top of the hat.

The idea of using flowers to express a movement gets at the heart of hippie identity. As a teen, the flower power drawings were everywhere. Flowers are so pretty and no wonder I always adorn my home with flowers. The simplicity of the flower, its ties to the earth and natural origin, and its beauty were all things this counterculture movement wanted to remain close to. In the end, there’s a beauty and grace to the flower power movement, even though it ultimately did end badly for more than a few people. Like many movements which may have many good intentions, certain aspects, like an emphasis on drug use, contributed to its destruction. Like any flower, the flower power movement grew for a time in the mid to late 1960s, and then withered sadly by the early 1970s.

Flower Power will always ring true in my heart. And I want to shower you with Flower Power.

Make love, not war.
Most often demands of life may sometimes get in the way of most couples. Being intimate, whether it’s a quick hug, holding hands, a quick massage on the shoulder, a snuggle on the couch, or a night of passion, needs to be scheduled into every day. Without fail, I practice intimacy with my romantic husband (well, except when he is goes inside his bat cave) and children every day.

Give peace a chance.
Pick your battles carefully. Sure, that latest gossip can be so annoying. Some may think that by exposing others, they themselves appear more righteous. Remember. when YOU point a finger, there are three fingers pointing back at you. Blowing out someone’s candle does not make yours shine brighter. But is that gossip worth an armed conflict? Only you can make that decision. Maybe conceding the battle will win the war in the long run.

Flower power!
Never underestimate the importance of a heart-felt apology, with or without flowers. If you acted like an idiot, admit it. The words ““I’m sorry” heal and bridge the gap. There are times we act in ways that are less than comfortable. But we don’t have to say ““I’m sorry” if we didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t have to apologize for taking care of myself, dealing with feelings, setting my boundaries , having fun or getting healthy.

Indeed there is beauty in grace in Flower Power. It’s healing.

16Dec 2014

Holiday Blues- Sad, Lonely and Depressed

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 15 Comments

Tis the season to be jolly…fa-la-la-la-la. Right, it may be a season to be jolly for some of us but there are a few out there who experience the holiday blues for so many reasons. I can see it in the emails I receive. I am not a therapist but for some reason, more and more visitors email me asking for advice for all sorts of reason. Of course, their questions are for my eyes only. They are sad, lonely and depressed. The suicide rate is even the highest during this holiday season. How I wish I could help but I am not a professional counselor though I can offer friendly advice. I’ve gathered a few tips for those feeling the holiday blues. As you might know, the holiday blues is defined as a feeling of sadness, loneliness, depression and even anxiety that often occur in and around the holiday season.” You or your loved one might be having a temporary spell of the blues without knowing it. There is nothing abnormal about having the “holiday blues,” which are more like a mood than any sort of lasting condition. Depression, anxiety, and other psychological symptoms are associated with the holidays because this season brings back memories of a happier time in our lives.

Who experiences the Blues?

People who might be at risk for feeling blue at the holidays include:

Someone who has a death in the family
Someone who has experienced financial setbacks at the holidays
Someone who is separated from loved ones at the holidays with work, military obligations or other reasons
Someone who has experienced other losses – moving, recent difficult medical diagnosis
Someone who has experienced a change in lifestyle – getting married, getting divorced, new baby
Someone who tends to be depressed, stressed, anxious

How will you recognize you have the blues?

Headaches
An inability to sleep or sleeping too much
Changes in appetite that cause either weight loss or gain
Agitation and anxiety
Excessive or inappropriate feelings of guilt
Diminished ability to think clearly or concentrate
Decreased interest in activities that usually are enjoyable, such as: food, sex, work, friends, hobbies and entertainment.

How does one cope with the Holiday Blues?

For anyone feeling blue during the holidays can follow some very basic, common sense steps to help in coping with the blues.

Take things one day at a time and if need be one hour at a time.
Try and maintain a normal routine. Keep doing your normal daily activities.
Get enough sleep or at least enough rest.
Regular exercise, even walking, helps relieve stress, tension and improve moods.
Eat a healthy, balanced diet. Limit high calorie foods and junk food.
Avoid using alcohol, medications or other drugs to mask the pain.
Do those activities or things and be with the people that comfort, sustain, nourish and recharge you.
Remember the healthy coping strategies you have used in the past to survive challenges. Draw on these strengths again.

What does one do to feel less blue during the Holidays?

There are several things that can help in making it easier to manage the blues.

Determine your priorities and establish realistic goals for the holidays.
Delegate some responsibilities to others.
Take time for yourself.
Minimize financial stressors by setting a budget and sticking to it.
Enjoy free holiday activities.
Think about giving a free gift from your heart. Your time or your presence.
Be around supportive people.
Volunteer and help someone else.
Create a New Holiday Tradition.
Find a new place or a new way to celebrate.

Source: Holiday Blues – Feeling Sad, Lonely or Depressed During the Holidays?

For those facing Christmas alone for the first time due to death of a loved one, I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust and share your feelings with them. Devote a place and time before Christmas Day in which you can openly honor your loved one and acknowledge your feelings. On Christmas Day, intentionally set your focus on family and friends who not only share in your loss, but who bring precious gifts of love and support to aid in your healing journey.

Be aware that the hurts of a loss, a broken relationship, or simply of being alone are magnified during the holiday. Look for those around you who are hurting and care for them, spend time with them, love them.

For those that lost a child, here are two posts I wrote ,on Coping and Surviving Christmas and Handling the Holidays.

Just know that while the Holiday Blues can be emotional, intense and upsetting, these feelings tend to be temporary and last at the most for about 2 weeks. The Blues end and people generally feel better once the holiday season is over and get back into their normal daily routine.

For many years after my son died, Christmas was a dreaded holiday by my husband. In turn, I dreaded his sour mood. Today, I look forward to the holiday season more than ever. I smile and sigh that finally my husband is able to handle the holidays a little bit better. I gather in my blessings and count them all. I count the blessings of the most important people in my life and I find the peace that comes with counting a holiday of joy remembered and love shared. Love never dies, and the light always shines in our hearts and home.

Image via blog.carvana.com

18Nov 2014

Join the conspiracy of kindness

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

Written by Edel Cayetano, originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” – Henry James

Kindness, perhaps, is the most important virtue. It encompasses all the other values people strive for – gratitude, honesty and generosity. If people were kinder, life would be a lot easier, and the world, a better place. There could never be enough kindness in the world if you ask me, but it doesn’t mean we should stop trying to be a little nicer to others.

It doesn’t come as a surprise that there is such a thing as World Kindness Day every November 13. The idea for this heartwarming occasion came about when a collection of humanitarian groups came together this exact same day 17 years ago and made a “Declaration of Kindness.” Likewise, on Kindness Day, everyone is encouraged to make the same declaration, and act on it. Reflecting on the kindness one has received from others is also part of the celebration.

World Kindness Day is the perfect time go beyond boundaries, race and religion. Whether you choose to volunteer your time at a charitable institution, donate books to a local library or just hold the door open for a stranger – keep in mind that there is no big or small gesture. Kindness, just like happiness, has a snowballing effect, what matters is that you practice it.

Reasons to be kinder

It’s not always easy to put the needs of others ahead of yours, but if you’re willing to make an effort, it can be done. But why strive to be kind when everyone seems to be the opposite?

When you are kinder to others, you tend to be kinder towards yourself. After all, how can you give what you do not have? Being kind to yourself is also a way to feed your creative soul, as Michael Nobbs of Sustainably Creative said, “if you’re someone with limited energy, then you’ll want to make the very best use of what creative energy you do have, and looking after it by feeding it well is really the best thing you can do.”

Nobbs also has a few ideas on how you can be kinder to yourself. Read about them here.

You get what you give. The power of attraction warrants that when you are kind to others, you inspire them to do the same. By being more thoughtful and nicer, you start waves of kindness that touch others and ultimately, come back to you.
It makes you happy. Not only do acts of kindness make the word a better place to live in, it also gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling that money can’t buy.
It is good for your health. “Improved psychological health and happiness comes from thinking more positively, and kindness is a positive mental state. While kindness is about giving and being open to others, it returns a sense of well-being and connectedness to us that improves our own mental state and health,” shares WikiHow. The ability to be kind is also a powerful self-esteem booster.

How to be kinder

I personally believe that kindness is innate in us, but we could also cultivate it by choice. Here are some ways to do so:

Develop a kinder perspective. WikiHow explains this in a step-by-step guide which encourages people to:

Care for others genuinely.
Don’t be kind for the sake of getting what you want.
Learn kindness from others.
Be kind to everyone, not just people “in need” or those who make it easy to be kind to. Check out Tiny Buddha’s ‘4 Ways to be kind when you don’t feel like it.’

Practice an attitude of gratitude. When you constantly think of the things you are grateful for, you tend to be in a much better mood and consequently, become much nicer to others. Happy people are often the kind bunch.
Stop criticizing. When you judge others, you fail to see the beauty in them. Don’t resort to focusing on other people’s flaws to feel better about yourself. Not only is it a lose-lose situation, it also curbs productivity. Instead of being hard on others, try to be more encouraging instead.
Put yourself in other people’s shoes. When you change your point of view, you can gain powerful insights about other people and about yourself.
Make positive observations about people. Ditch your habit of spotting the things that annoy you about people and instead, try to see the good things about them and make sure to let them know.
Be present. “The greatest gift of kindness to another person is to be in the moment in their presence – to be listening with care, and to be genuinely attentive to them.” Stop being too busy and change other people’s notion of you as the one who always rushes off. And stay away from your phone, please.
Awash yourself in the positive memories of the times when you were kind. According to the Positivity Blog, being kind becomes easier and easier when you remind yourself how good it felt to lend a hand.
Take the higher road. Choose your battles. Avoid unnecessary conflict and drama whenever you can because they only waste your time and energy.
Be kind to yourself. How you treat others seeps back into how you treat yourself.

More ideas

It doesn’t take much to show someone somewhere an act of kindness. Here are more ideas on how to be kinder, but of course, you are more than welcome to use your imagination.

Say ‘please,’ ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ and actually mean it.
Compliment someone at work for a job well done.
Bring snacks for everyone on your next meeting. Brownies or cookies would be nice.
Organize a clothing or food drive on your neighborhood for a local shelter. (Just in time for Christmas.)
Express your gratitude to someone who has made a difference in your life. Why not start with your parents?
Cheer up a loved one with a surprise gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It’s the thought that counts!
Stop complaining and be more conscious about the thoughts that you share with others. (Facebook is a good place to start.)

To get more inspired in striving for a culture of kindness and becoming a RAKtivist (Random Acts of Kindness Activist), visit the Random Acts of Kindness website.

Happy World Kindness Day!

*‘Join the conspiracy of kindness’ by Wade M courtesy of Flickr. Published under CC license.

09Nov 2014

What do people live for?

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

““Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think.”
Horace

This TV commercial is based on a real story and it touches a chord in each one of us who lost a loved one, be it a spouse, a parent, a sibling or a child. A group of old men decide to revisit their motorcycling youth after one of their own passes away. I know the feeling all too well .

TC Bank’s television commercial by Taiwan’s Ogilvy & Mather creative team have created a three-minute ad for a Taiwan bank that asks the question, “What do people live for?”

Have you ever felt you lost a dream? and thought to live it in some other way?

Dreams shattered, one wonders if life is worth living at all. Most bereaved pose that question : “What is there to live for?” despite the fact they may still have loved ones left. I cannot begin to imagine those that have lost whole families.

How does one even begin to live after a loss? I cannot begin to imagine the loss of lives that struck families in Yolanda-affected provinces even if I lost my precious child 14 years ago.

I did not pick up the pieces right away. I believe I had to go through the pain to get through it. And just one day five years after the death of my son, in a moment of silence and solitude, I got my answer. It is true that “No one ever finds life worth living – one has to make it worth living”.

It is simply a choice. As I have written in my first blog post , I chose joy over a lifetime of sadness. It is said that grief is inevitable but misery is optional. I realized that it did no good to sit in my misery pit. It does no good for the loss of my son to lead to the loss of two (me and my son).

It was a decision to lead the second part of my life differently and better than I would have imagined .

I wanted to live a new life, the best possible life . I wanted a meaningful life: to live with honor, integrity, courage, compassion, etc. I know being a homemaker for many years left me shy and unexposed to the outside world. This new life had to be outside my comfort zone to reach out to others like me. Along the way, things fell into place, a baby step at a time. I continue to live my dreams everyday, to make an impact, to go beyond my normal routine as a homemaker , to enjoy life, to keep on loving even when loving is hard to do.

I leave you with thoughts to focus on …

““Whatever the tasks, do them slowly
with ease,
in mindfulness,
so not do any tasks with the goal
of getting them over with.
Resolve to each job in a relaxed way,
with all your attention.”
– Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Master

13Aug 2014

Gut-wrenching, heartfelt statements from the family of Robin Williams

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

A death in the family is always so heartbreaking. Losing my only son, two brothers and both my parents took me to a roller coaster ride of grief and recovery. Love never goes away when I found myself grieving over the loss of my loved ones . It is not often I get affected over a death of a celebrity. When I read on my twitter feed about the death of Robin Williams, I was in shock, denial and numb. This funny guy brought so much laughter going as far back as my college days when Mork and Mindy first came out on Television in 1978. So much joy and happiness has been shared with my children when we watched “Hook”, “Aladdin” and even “Mrs. Doubtfire”. I can only remember Robin Williams as funny man . Though I am aware of depression and suicide, I would never truly understand how Robin Williams experienced depression or what happened in his “life to drive him to suicide, or if there was any way it could have been prevented.” All I know is “when a person experiences the ultimate tragic end to any illness, let it be a lesson as to how little we know rather than how much.” All I can do is share my Suicide prevention page because suicide prevention is everybody’s business. Educate our community that suicide is a preventable public health problem in the Philippines. Suicide should no longer be considered a taboo topic, and that through raising awareness and educating the public, we can SAVE lives.

Robin Williams lives on in his movies and in our memories of feeling good after watching these movies. His family feels the same too.

Let me share the touching statements from Robin Williams’ family members via eonline.com

Zak, Cody and Zelda Williams have all released statements just hours after the Oscar winner’s official cause of death was released by the local police department.

Williams’ second wife, Marsha Garces Williams, also broke her silence with a gut-wrenching, heartfelt statement of her own.

Zak: “Yesterday, I lost my father and a best friend and the world got a little grayer. I will carry his heart with me every day. I would ask those that loved him to remember him by being as gentle, kind, and generous as he would be. Seek to bring joy to the world as he sought.”

Cody: “There are no words strong enough to describe the love and respect I have for my father. The world will never be the same without him. I will miss him and take him with me everywhere I go for the rest of my life, and will look forward, forever, to the moment when I get to see him again.”

Zelda: “My family has always been private about our time spent together. It was our way of keeping one thing that was ours, with a man we shared with an entire world. But now that’s gone, and I feel stripped bare. My last day with him was his birthday, and I will be forever grateful that my brothers and I got to spend that time alone with him, sharing gifts and laughter. He was always warm, even in his darkest moments. While I’ll never, ever understand how he could be loved so deeply and not find it in his heart to stay, there’s minor comfort in knowing our grief and loss, in some small way, is shared with millions. It doesn’t help the pain, but at least it’s a burden countless others now know we carry, and so many have offered to help lighten the load. Thank you for that.

“To those he touched who are sending kind words, know that one of his favorite things in the world was to make you all laugh. As for those who are sending negativity, know that some small, giggling part of him is sending a flock of pigeons to your house to poop on your car. Right after you’ve had it washed. After all, he loved to laugh too…

“Dad was, is and always will be one of the kindest, most generous, gentlest souls I’ve ever known, and while there are few things I know for certain right now, one of them is that not just my world, but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of laughter in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again.”

She also tweeted to fans, thanking them for making donations in honor of her beloved father.

“Thank you to all those donating to @StJude in memory of my father. I’m overwhelmed. The charity meant the world to him, as it does to me,” the 25-year-old actress wrote. “Knowing that so many children will be helped in his honor is all I could’ve asked for. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.”

Marsha: “My heart is split wide open and scattered over the planet with all of you. Please remember the gentle, loving, generous – and yes, brilliant and funny – man that was Robin Williams. My arms are wrapped around our children as we attempt to grapple with celebrating the man we love, while dealing with this immeasurable loss.”

If you need help, here is my Suicide prevention page

USA hotline
In an emergency, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK

Philippine Suicide Prevention Hotline (Updated October 23, 2012)

The Philippines’ FIRST depression and suicide prevention hotline is now open. Call 804-4673 (HOPE). Open 24/7.

If outside Manila text/call these nos: 0917-558-HOPE (4673) or 0917-852-HOPE (4673

In Touch
Crisis Lines:
0917-572-HOPE or (632)211-1305
(632) 893-7606 (24/7)
(632)893-7603 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm)
Globe (63917) 800.1123 or (632) 506.7314
Sun (63922) 893.8944 or (632) 346.8776

Source of photo: (April 23, 2006 – Source: Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment)

25Jun 2014

A wedding that will touch you because love never dies

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

True love never dies, it lives on in the people who believe in it.

Rowden and Leizl planned their wedding date on July 8, 2014, Rowden’s 30th birthday. Together with their adorable 2-year-old daughter, they already had a perfect family and a wedding was just needed to seal their future. Alas, the date had to be moved at an earlier date.

In the youtube channel of Chef Hasset Go, he explained that “Rowden got diagnosed with stage IV liver cancer in late May. His last request was to marry his one true love. After 12hours of preparations, his dream was fulfilled. Unable to take him outside the hospital, we brought the church to him. It was like a heartbreaking fairytale.”

The wedding took place in the Philippine General Hospital with close friends and relatives. As I watched the video, I was hopeful.

But Rowden Go Pangcoga, who was only 29-years-old, passed away on June 11, 2014, less than 10 hours after their wedding. He is survived by his wife Leizel May, daughter Zakiah Rowzel, mother Lorelei, and brothers Hasset & Hisham.

As I watched the video the second time, the tears could not stop falling. I did not cry when I first saw the video because I was not aware that he would die that soon. Even though cancer struck two of my family members , I can only imagine the pain of his family. There is always hope even when others have given up.

When the reality hits , I can only offer this same prayer that I offered to my brother.

God saw you getting tired,
And a cure was not to be,
So He put his arms around you,
And whispered “Come to Me”
With tearful eyes we watched you suffer,
And saw you fall away.
Although we couldn’t bear to lose you,
We could not ask you to stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hardworking hands laid to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
That He only takes the best.

Then I know that love never dies.