Bloggers Meet and Greet with Joy Rojas on April 18. Please sign up here here

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Lao-tzu

I remember running (half-walking) in that Island Cove “Amazing Race”. I remember feeling proud that I made it that far. I felt proud as I saw the distance I traversed. Now I finally understand runners like my friend Cathy and Pia as they inch closer and closer to their goals. I am not surprised that Joy Rojas will run 5,000 kilometers in 120 days, through 12 states and four time zones in the United states of America.

I first met Joy Rojas in early 2006 when she interviewed me and two of my friends for The Compassionate Friends. Her article came out in the Sunday Inquirer which paved the way for the awareness of my support group. The success of the article comforted so many bereaved parents and eventually inspired me to be a blogger so I could spread the awareness further.

Now I want to give back, and help Joy achieve her dream.

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Update: April 23, 2009: US Marine, Daniel Smith is acquitted by Court of Appeals

I admit. At first, I was on Nicole’s side but as the case unfolded, I had my doubts. My heart went out to Lance Cpl. Daniel Smith especially when he got convicted. I am not a mind-reader but I watched his eyes on television as if screaming of innocence. I wrote

Do you honestly think without reasonable doubt that Smith is guilty of rape? Though not a popular opinion, I have been having doubts he is really guilty. But then again , we will let the Courts of Appeal or the Supreme Court decide. The evidence will speak for itself .

Justice will be served.

(Edit at 11:00 PM- Nicole doubts she was raped. Read her affidavit)

Is this the justice served? Nicole is now in the US for good. Evelyn Ursua, Nicole’s lawyer said that in the letter, Nicole and the mother were ““tired of the case and do not want anymore to be bothered by it because ‘there is no justice in the Philippines.'”

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Bloggers’ meet with BB Gandanghari is on Saturday, March 14 at Mag-net, Bonifacio High Street, at 3-5 PM. You can Sign Up Here



I am absolutely charmed by BB Gandanghari. “Call me BB” as she hugged me. I found out that it is spelled BB not Bebe. BB is actually derived from her own motto Be all that you can be or be all what you want to be and from her first name, Binibini. The Gandanghari came from a family name of a UST beauty queen which caught her attention and thought it was perfect for her. She is beautiful, much prettier in person than photos shown in newspaper and magazines. With just light powder on her face, lipstick and faint blue eyeshadow on her eyelids, BB looks like a sweet schoolgirl. “I want my skin to breathe”, she says. Simple , classy and bubbly. Her happiness shows in the glow of her face and the smile that escapes her lips. It must be her newfound peace that makes her look and feel beautiful.

Before Dine and I started our interview, BB was more interested in us and started to ask questions about our blogs. You can see the concern in her eyes as she asks about the circumstances on how my son died. It was like talking to an old friend. No awkwardness, no airs.


I took photos of BB as we continued to banter about her new life and before the video interview. How absolutely charming! She flashes a smile now and then, an aura of happiness surrounding her that I can feel the positive vibes. I see nothing pretentious about her. I was with her for over 6 hours. She is BB.
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A multinational company recently interviewed me on the current and emerging behavior patterns and values of Moms in the Philippines in terms of family and lifestyle. Now I told the marketing guy that I can only speak for myself and observations of mommy friends. I agreed to cooperate because my inner-researcher was curious on what these marketing guys are fishing from moms.

I opened the door to a very young man with a video cam. Oops, so he’s going to take a video recording of the interview. After checking that my nose was not shiny, I started to answer his questions:

1.What is the true role of a mother?

My role as a mother changes in every phase of my child’s life. As a mother of babies and toddlers, I devoted full-time attention to their physical and emotional needs . The first three years holds a child’s highest potential for learning so I wanted to be there to nurture their growth. I rarely left the house for long periods of time till the kids went to pre-school. As a mother of teenagers, my role had to adjust a little. They were the turbulent years. It’s hard seeing them grow so fast thinking they are just babies. I knew I had to let go of being a control-freak without being too liberal. I failed miserably as a mother to Lauren, the teenager merely because I thought her personality was like mine. The more control I placed, the more she rebelled. I learned to let go by the time L reached 19 years old. I think M was lucky because I learned from my mistakes. A mom of a 20 year old and above girls is more of a bestfriend role. I still fuss over them especially on health and security matters.

 

2. Does family still stay together on weekends?

As much as possible, sunday is family day. Since the girls have their own social life, they limit their social activities to friday or saturdays.

3. Do moms still do the traditional cooking?

I don’t cook that often since my husband took over the cooking job on sundays. I used to cook when the girls were still toddlers. These days, I come up with fancy dishes during special occasions like birthdays or Christmas day.

4. Are ingredients complete when cooking?

Of course. Whenever I plan to cook, I make sure I shop for it a day before. I have this grocery list application in my iPhone which makes shopping such a fun and organized experience.

5. How long does cooking time on a weekday take? on weekend?

An hour of preparation and cooking time is average for weekdays and even on weekends.

6. How often does family eat at home? Eat out

We often eat at home. Eating out is rare, probably done once a month or when we’re invited out.

7. How much have family life changed?

With adult kids at home, they are preoccupied with their friends “Mom I have a party so I won’t be home for dinner”. Gone are the days when I can say “time for dinner. As in NOW”.

8. Is beauty important in a husband & wife relationship?

Beauty is really skin deep, so the cliche goes. If one is unhappy, it shows in the face. Over time, the frown or scowl lines show. My husband thinks the world of me and believes I am beautiful. I don’t know how other husbands think about beauty. Even without my husband’s flattery, I believe in making myself beautiful for my own sake and not just for himself.

9. What are other activities do moms get involve with?

I often go to the gym to make sure my metabolism keeps on kicking. Then there is my usual retail therapy to keep me happy but I make sure I don’t overspend. Another weekly treat is a visit to the beauty salon. I love pampering myself whether it be a body massage, facial treatment, manicure, pedicure. These moments are what I call my ME time and I use this to calm my nerves during a stressful week. I know other moms are into yoga and other mind-relaxing techniques.

One thing for sure, the role of moms is constantly evolving as the kids grow up and move on to another phase in their lives. Whatever the mother role, I believe a mother should always nurture herself. How else can she give love to her family without loving herself first? Nurturing is very important in a woman’s life because we show love for ourselves. Nurtured moms are effective in their work and in their relationships. We learn to feel loved by ourselves so much that we can truly love others and let them love us.

Looks like the company is interested in consumer products that mommies buy without considering the hard times ahead of us. Like most families, I impose a Money Management policy in our family. There are many ways to live within our means without scrimping on our lifestyle.

I believe in keeping an optimistic attitude towards the future without necessarily being in denial that the country’s economy is not in tip-top shape. I expect good things for myself and my loved ones.

Not many Filipina women are aware that there is a law to protect them from physical or even verbal abuse from men, called the The Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004 (Republic Act No. 9262). Aside from physical abuse, the law also protects women from , psychological or emotional, sexual violence and economic abuse. My friend and senator Pia Cayetano is spearheading a “Say No to Violence” campaign around the country by conducting seminars to women so they are aware of their rights.

1 out of 3 women have been victims of some form of violence. The abuser is usually known to her – a husband, boyfriend, father, brother, relative or some other person in her life.

Violence does not distinguish between economic class, culture or religion. In a World Bank study on selected risk factors facing women between 15-44, rape and domestic violence rated higher than cancer, motor vehicle accidents, war ans facing women in this age group, rape and domestic violence rated higher than cancer, motor vehicle accidents, war and malaria.

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Not all husbands (except for my readers) are responsible and understanding like my husband. My husband never took it against me if I refused sex because he knew there was more to sex than the act itself. Usually the “no” is because I wasn’t ready to be pregnant at a certain point in time. When I say “sorry dear, I think I am fertile”, he will either abstain or use birth control methods like the condom which is in itself is a violation of the Catholic doctrine. (We have since stopped believing in the Catholic Church especially when it has not responded well to current issues of the populace.) I have never used the pill either. Yet, I wished we had more children though because I can certainly afford the means to provide for their future.

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My Cebu-based 44 year old, sister-in-law is leaving for Louisiana, USA on Thursday as a special education teacher for a suburban public high school. It came as a pleasant surprise to her. The US hiring agency informed her of an opening on July 4. She got interviewed via Skype by a panel of 10 where questions like “How do you apply technology in the classroom?” and others were asked of her. Distracted by the faces floating in the Skype window, she minimized it and focused on the camera to make eye contact with the school staff. She made the cut and from then on, a flurry of documentation fell into place . Her H-1 visa was released last thursday. A total of $3,000 placement fee was all she paid to the US-based agency.

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This entry is a continuation of PR Companies and the Milk Formula Manufacturers (Part 2)

I still remember my son tugging at my sleeve “Mom, did you do that to me?”

He led me to the room where Maan, his former caregiver was breastfeeding her son.

“Of course, I breastfed you.” I hugged my boy.

“Are you sure mom? Breastfeeding is good for babies.”

My son didn’t seem to believe me. Too bad I didn’t have photos of our breastfeeding moments. I pointed out the cross stitching projects in the kitchen .

I explained “When I breastfed you, I did cross stitch projects because it took you an hour to feed.” He seemed satisfied with my answer but the next day, he nagged me with the same question. Memories like these often make me nostalgic. I will never forget his words.

breastfeeding mom
Breastfeeding Lauren at 5 months old

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If a Tim Cumper alias Ellumbra or otherwise known as Timothy Ellis Cumper or Grabbadabba via Twitter talks about me and other bloggers in a negative light, this is the story. Tim Cumper believes that he was scammed, fooled by Mayen, Tierra Maria Estates and a group of people since October 2007. It is almost 2 years after and he is in pursuit of bloggers who have written about this.

Read the bloggers entry on Tim Cumper Watch.

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That’s what you get for all your trouble.
I’ll Never Fall In Love Again

Mayen Betita paused to sing their love song, “I’ll Never Fall In Love Again”. She giggled and placed her hand on mine as if placating the pain from narrating the harrowing events leading to the breakup with Timothy Ellis Cumper (also known as Ellumbra or Tim Cumper) her ex-boyfriend, a UK national.

mayen and me

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national women's day celebration

Happy International Women’s Day! Women all over the world find the time to honor this day. For the women of the world, the Day’s symbolism has a wider meaning: It is an occasion to review how far they have come in their struggle for equality, peace and development. It is also an opportunity to unite, network and mobilize for meaningful change.

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