Text Messaging a Loved One

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text messagingHave you seen the latest commercial of SMART Telecom on text messaging ? During the first two scenes, I snickered to my husband “what a mama’s boy!” See, the guy in the commercial sends text messages to his mom’s cellphone and talks about the praises from his boss, the breakup with his girlfriend, the argument with his sister. Towards the end of that commercial, the guy sends another text message “Mom, I promised to take care of my sister even if you’re not around” . His eyes well up in tears and the photograph of his mom is shown in the background.

That was a smart commercial for two reasons: ( No pun intended)

1. It showed a creative way to unleash grief and
2. It removed the taboo on grief that guys shouldn’t cry over a loss long after the mourning period.

The scene in that commercial seems dramatic but it actually happens to some persons who have lost a loved one. We all grieve differently . What works for one won’t work for the other. Text messaging a loved one is nothing new. I know of two bereaved parents who send text messages addressed to their departed child. My friend still keeps the cellphone of her 13 year old son and when she is feeling down, she sends him a text message. Like writing, text messaging is a creative way to express grief. A great deal of pent-up emotions are often released by writing a letter or a text message saying what we wish we had or hadn’t done, or said, before they died or just simply small talk about the daily grind. Creativity encourages us to find ways to express our deepest feelings and helps us to focus on what may be very confused emotions, so that we understand them better. In grief we often feel as if we have lost control over our lives, and the satisfaction gained from the creative process gives us back a sense of achievement and self-worth.

My bereaved friends felt a bond with the theme of this commercial. Oh yes, the tears fall naturally as the commercial ends.

Thumbs up to SMART for showing this creative expression of grief.

Mo Twister will wear a dress if…(Philippine Idol Alert)

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philippine idol(Updated November 13: Mo Twister spared from wearing a dress)
Controversial DJ Mo Twister vowed to wear a dress for one week if KEN DINGLE continues to stay on as a [tag]Philippine Idol[/tag] Finalist. When asked by Ryan to choose their top Idol finalist, Mo blurted out his fearless forecast that it is Ken’s time to go. This announcement brought so much laughter from the live audience. I think I might have laughed too much. My husband and daughters teased me that my wish might finally come true. Ryan Agoncillo mentioned that they will have a dress on standby in tonight’s results night, if Ken manages to stay in the competition. Mamita will even provide the dress and dared Mo to don a mini-skirt. Mo Twister then ran up the ramp to rehearse his catwalk in case he needed to model the dress. Sometimes I think some kind soul is voting for Ken like crazy just so Philippine Idol comes out controversial. Controversy=More talk. More talk=Higher ratings. But this is getting ridiculous. Ken sticks out like a sore thumb among the more talented Idol finalists. Much as I want to see Mo Twister prancing around the ramp wearing a mini-skirt, I ‘d rather see Ken out of the competition. Glancing at Ken during the closing of the show, I noted his sour expression as if he had drank some vinegar earlier. I can’t blame him for looking that way after the way the audience guffawed over Mo’s declaration.

Don’t I look tacky posing with my top 3 Philippine Idol finalists? I’m not really a showbiz person or a huge fan of any music artist except for the Idol reality TV shows. Since I’ve watched Philippine Idol from the start, I might as well see how far these talented singers go. They can’t be called Idols if fans don’t pose with them. The photos will speak for itself. My husband and daughters are rooting for Pow because she has such sweet vocals that shows clarity and wide projection. I love Pow, Mau and Gian. I ‘ll just see how they perform in the next 5 weeks. I need to sleep.

me and Gianme and maume and Pow
(Photos from left to right: Posing with Gian, Mau and Pow)

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Photo Blogging Philippine Idol

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dance night at Philippine IdolYou all know that I watch Philippine Idol as part of the live audience, at least in most of their shows. I take photos as I view the show because I blog about Philippine Idol. Let me give you a brief background on my reasons for blogging Philippine Idol. I am an avid fan of American Idol ever since Season 3 and have blogged about it since then. Excited that Philippine Idol finally reached the Philippines. I also blogged about it. I didn’t know that Google loved that entry so much . I found my Philippine Idol Blog ranking no 2 or 3 with “Philippine Idol” keyword. By sheer coincidence, my husband announced that we have tickets to all of the Philippine Idol shows because of his friend in Freemantle (the franchise owner of the Idol concept?). Since then , I have been watching the live shows.

my 2 daughtersSince it’s my daugher’s semestral break the past two weeks, I dragged them with me. Knowing they could be a snob to Philippine showbiz, I assured them that they will be entertained. Anyway, I know there are other bloggers who watch it live. One of my favorite Philippine Idol blogger is an ABC reporter, Jove Francisco because he reveals juicy insider tibdbits. Although I hear some gossip inside the studio , I keep mum about it.

After I uploaded my photos and wrote my entry, I visited Jove Francisco’s Philippine Idol Dance night entry and I was caught by surprise:

I also enjoyed the company of this great woman. Magkasundo kami sa comments, and it was as if, magkakilala kami kahit hindi. I know she blogs though, I read her kasi, all the time! Good thing siya nakatabi ko. (One forum guest noted na ““parang galit” ako last night sa upuan ko, my seatmate can attest to the fact that I wasn’t, ang saya saya nga namin eh, hehehe)

Could that be me? I clicked the link and lo and behold, it was my Philippine Idol Photo Blog. Talk about mutual admiration society! I didn’t know he sat beside me. (see screencap below) Haha, it’s a good thing I didn’t make a fool of myself or else Jove Francisco would have blogged “…There was this crazy woman seated beside me bouncing on her seat and waving her camera all night .” I am just kidding. Of course he wouldn’t do that. I wrapped some glow sticks around my wrist that night and clapped and danced on my seat as the Idol performers crooned and cavorted onstage. You must know that as live audience and especially those that are seated right across the judges, are told to do the following:

1. Look cheerful and energetic. Don’t look bored. Frowning is a no-no.
2. Clap everytime the show goes live after commercial break.
3. Don’t talk to your seatmate. Don’t text.

That night, the ticket ladies assigned our seats right across the three judges . I didn’t want to complain because earlier, I had whined over our initial seat assignments. It wasn’t the usual center seats. They gave us side seating arrangement but changed their minds as we weaved ourselves to our assigned seats. My two daughters didn’t want to be caught live on TV and requested back seats. In an earlier episode, I didn’t know that we would get panned by an inconspicuous camera set behind the stage. Horrified, I saw myself during a replay the next day. There I was oblivious of the cameras, snapping photos while my husband had this dropped jaw look. How embarassing. Talk about another one of my misdaventure as a photo blogger Part 3! Conscious of the cameras, I resolved to take photos only during the performance and quickly tucked the camera under my shawl when the judges started their critique. My husband straightened his jaw as the cameras panned towards him.

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Desperate Housewives, Filipino Version

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UPDATED Read my blog entry, Desperate Housewives Episode on Some Med School in the Philippines

desperate housewivesI was desperate. I was desperate to get rid of my throbbing headache that had been nagging me for the past week. I took naps. I stopped using weights. I took anti-migraine pills but nothing would get rid of the pain. I visited the doctor and found out it was a muscle strain just behind my left ear. I must have overdid my weights. So I decided that I needed a break. I cut my computer work down to 4 hours a day and for the next 4 days, I did a marathon viewing of “Desperate Housewives” Season 1 and 2.

M looked worried . She was used to seeing me working all day. “Mom I hope you won’t get desperate”.

I laughed “You don’t have to worry. I have lived through the most desperate years and I am still here.”

My family teased me as I remained a permanent fixture at the family den, nibbling nuts as I cozily lounged on the couch. What was even funnier was they teased me to “Bree Van de Kamp”, the obsessive compulsive character in the movie. “Haha, I am not a Bree”. Yes, I admit I can be obsessive-compulsive. I love to cook special dinners, create crafts for my home decors, bake cookies and even icing birthday cakes for the children. I annoy my family by being too color coordinated during meals and such but I am not a perfectionist at all. I was being a “Bree” because I had to stretch the budget. During the kid’s birthday parties, I did all the cooking , baking and entertaining. Why should I hire a caterer or an events coordinator if I could do it myself?

I never knew how much all these meant to my children until I received a Christmas card from L a few years back. Instead of being rude about my desperation, L thanked me for the most magical childhood memories but added that she was clearly worried about my life. Those were the rough years when I was just newly bereaved and living a life of a zombie. It really touched me that my efforts to be a super-mom in their childhood was deeply appreciated. There were moments in their teenage years that I felt that I didn’t know them.

L chided “I don’t mind gourmet food, mom”.

M suggested “We should try turkey for Christmas”.

I smiled and continued on with my marathon. Okay, the show is very entertaining. It surely gave me the endorphin fix I needed to relax and ease my neck strain. I liked how they tackled the loss of a spouse, a miscarraige and loss of mother. Death is a normal part of life and dealing with the loss should be properly addressed to even if it’s just a show.

Desperate Housewives is clearly based on American culture with a few issues that I can relate to. REGAL’s Mother Lily Monteverde’s is planning a film patterned after ‘Desperate Housewives’ entitled “Desperada”. Gretchen Baretto, Dawn Zulueta and Ruffa Gutierrez are among the stars handpicked by the producer but intriques already arise among the three so the movie is on hold for now. I don’t know how our Filipino version will turn out to be. Oh well. If I were the producer, I won’t portray glamorous stars to represent the Filipino desperate wife. In the Philippines, a desperate housewife is:

1. making ends meet to fit the household budget.
2. if number (2) is not met, she is forced to work to augment the income.
3. if number (3) is not met, she will take a job abroad and be one of the millions of Oversears Filipino Workers (OFW).

Knowing Filipino movies, the glamor part sells more than the reality of life . After all , movies are the fantasies we need to escape the grim realities.

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Love, Friendship and Betrayal

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betrayalThree months ago, I wrote about L’s broken heart. It seemed she moved on quite well with her life. L and P, her ex remained friends. It often puzzled me because from what I remember breaking up can often lead to broken friendships as well. I guess to them letting go means holding on to the friendship. It’s a way of easing out. Good for them to be able to sustain friendship even if love is out of the picture.

That was until yesterday when a furious L with two yellow plastic bags asked permission to go to her ex home. “I want to return all of his gifts”. L’s bloodshot eyes begged at me.

“My friend and P have been seeing each other”. I blinked.

Of all the worst betrayal, an ex and a close friend tops it all. “I’m so sorry” I blurted out. We continued talking about the betrayal and L convinced me that she needed to do this. I couldn’t drive her to the MRT stop because my car was already banned from the streets. I called for a cab to drive her over to her ex home.

Often we believe our friends will remain loyal to us forever. Betrayal stories like this is fairly common. It’s the reason M, my sister is in San Francisco. M’s ex-boyfriend and Teresa, her close friend decided to be a couple after they broke up six months previously. Teresa was gracious enough to ask permission from my sister if it was alright if they were a couple. An angry M said “NO” and warned her of her ex’ character. But Teresa’s heart didn’t listen. Seeing my sister so broken-hearted, I brought her along with me to a vacation in the US in 1984. M hasn’t gone back to live in the Philippines since then.

It also happens in marriage. Affairs have happened between a bestfriend and the philandering spouse. A friend confided in me that she caught her husband having a “texting affair” with her bestfriend. Okay, just because it’s “text messaging” doesn’t mean anything. It’s an emotional affair. An affair is an affair is an affair. Even if sex is not involved, it could lead to a full blown affair. My friend confronted her husband about it. The husband said that he didn’t take it that way and besides the text were friendly in nature. My friend hissed “Excuse me, how could ‘tell me your dreams’ be friendly text messages?”. Sooner or later , these text conversations will lead to “did you dream of me?”. My friend reported the text messages to her best friend’s husband. The latter was livid with anger that he nearly divorced her if it were not for my friend’s intervention. Apparently, their marriage was falling apart and the woman resorted to fantasies to distract her from the marital problems.

I hugged my daughter. “don’t worry dear, chaos and karmic backlash is the end result of betrayal”. Not only did my daughter experience another stab in her heart, the loss of “friends” is another cross to bear.

My husband was even more endearing and patted L’s shoulder. “just let me know what I can do”.

Remembering Our Loved Ones

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IMG_0653.jpg
All Saints Day seems more like a school fair to me except there are gravestones, tents, picnic tables all over the cemetery. The mood at the cemetery is festive with children running around, the ice cream man ringing his bell, the taho vendor yelling taho, kids playing with melting candle, teens surfing at the SMART BRO internet booth, food vendors raking in some sales from the crowd. It’s a yearly ritual for our loved one whom we love, miss and remember always. Once a year, we share that common bond with families with a similar loss.

The first All Saints Day for Luijoe in 2000 felt surreal. The marble tombstone felt cold to the touch but the laughter and the crowd reminded me that Luijoe is never far from me. To my dear son, my dad, my mom, brothers Oscar and Ruben, they have not really left us but just gotten ahead of us to their real home. The memory of my loved one is a part of my life forever. Today is a celebration that love never dies.

all saints day

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On Sharing Grief and Grief Share

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interviewgrief.jpg
For the newly bereaved, November 1 hits them with the reality that it’s their first All Saint’s Day with their precious loved one. It’s their first time to honor the dead with the rest of the country. No wonder, grief is once again featured in the magazines , TV and radio. Last Sunday, Cory Quirino invited The Compassionate Friends to her DZMM radio program with the topic of “Handling Grief and Loss” . The thought of discussing the basics of the grief process in Tagalog caused me to panic. Can you imagine me struggling with words like “pagdalumbhati”? (if I even spelled that right) . How does one say “positive resolution of grief?” The best testimonials would definitely come from the newly bereaved parents who actively worked on their grief with help of The Compassionate Friends. I asked if I could invite more parents to the interview. I dragged 3 newly bereaved parents and Alma Miclat, a co-founder of The Compassionate Friends. A psychiatrist, Dr. Josefina Sayo served as the resource person on the grief process and explained that there is so much stigma attached to grief.

Typhoon Paeng’s update interrrupted the show that the one hour and half show seemed like thirty minutes.

What totally amazed me were these 3 newly bereaved parents who were able to express their loss and testified how sharing their grief truly unburdened some of their pain. We know that pain can never be totally taken away but somehow sharing it to others ease the burden in our hearts. And so The Compassionate Friends continue to come monthly…to meet, to hug, to cry, to laugh to listen and to try to understand another’s story. We come to love each other’s children that we never got to meet. Their faces become almost as familiar as our own children’s countenance and so incredibly dear because they were so special to our friends. In sharing our children’s lives and their deaths, they continue to live on through our stories and our pictures and we are comforted as we grieve together.

Sharing grief is a crucial step in grief work. No wonder my dear friend, Cathy Babao-Guballa started Grief Share, a new grief ministry for all types of losses.

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Top 500 World’s Best Universities

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Michael Tan’s Opinion column on the “World’s Best Universities” which he based on the Times Higher Education Supplement-Quacquarelli Symonds (THES-QS) World University Rankings provided so many insights on the state of Philippine Education . I’m glad to see that the universities of my two girls made it to the top 500 , including two other universities. We can’t compare the Philippines to America, Australia or the UK. Harvard is the number 1 school followed by Cambridge. But take look at Indonesia, a country less developed than the Philippines. It had three universities, all state-run, beating us in rankings

Let’s look at how the Philippines did. The University of the Philippines (UP) came in 299th globally and 47th among Asian universities. I have to say that’s not too bad, considering how UP has had to plod along with shrinking budgets and with the flight of so many good professors. Trailing behind UP were three private universities: De La Salle (392nd), Ateneo de Manila (484th) and, talk about a photo finish, the University of Santo Tomas at 500th.

With slashed budget from our government, it’s surprising that the state university is still alive and kicking. When I brought M around the UP campus as an incoming freshman, I was appalled at Palma Hall’s old chairs, broken windows, and dirty walls. It was as if they had not done any cosmetic renovation since I graduated over 30 years ago. I was confident that UP had dedicated professors inspite of the decrepit state of some classrooms. In the beginning, M’s heart was really not into the state university. She wanted to join her eldest sister at Ateneo. I insisted that UP is the better school and for economic reasons, it was the better option than Ateneo. I convinced her that her maternal grandmother was one of the pioneer students of the UP Diliman Campus. It was my mother’s legacy to pass on the values and great education that UP had to offer. After much tears and several arguments, she relented. Today , M is full of gratitude that she chose UP.


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Globe Visibility (HSDPA) mobile broadband on my Macbook

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Globe VisibilityWhile waiting for our purchase at the drugstore, my husband starts “playing” with his laptop’s Globe Visibility Mobile Internet feature. Hehe, how I wish I had [tag]mobile broadband[/tag].

This afternoon, we dropped by at The Hub in Glorietta Mall to see if they could provide a demo for my Macbook. Well, we couldn’t because my Macbook needs this Nova Media launch2net (which cost Eur 75 ) to support Huawei E220 USB Modem. Haay. The [tag]Globe Visibility[/tag] sales representative in The Hub have limited knowledge and I am not a very patient person when my questions are answered stupidly. Simple questions on “what is the speed of [tag]GPRS[/tag]/[tag]EDGE[/tag]?” have to be asked from another sales rep. I better visit The Hub in the Podium since Marc swears it has better sales representative. (Edit- Visibility is now compatible with Mac . Software can be downloaded at betterthan3g.com)

I might postpone getting the Visibility [tag]Moblie Internet service[/tag] for now. You know, the only reason I need it is when I vacation in the mountains where my husband’s hometown is located 5 hours away from Baguio City. I told him I cannot be internet-less for more than 2 days for economic reasons. Not that I want to be online 24/7 but I just want it there when I need it. The nearest internet cafe is a 30 minutes rough road drive. Travel time to the mountains is no joke and I don’t want to just stay there for 2 days and traverse down the rough mountain trail on my third day. I envision lying down in a hammock, enjoying the cool pine scented breeze with my dear husband. That is my ultimate dream vacation.

I am not even sure if Globe has a 3G network in Benguet towns. The National People’s Army (NPA) maks it impossible for Globe networks to grow in these far flung areas. “sigh”. Smart’s 3G alternative seems cumbersome as it needs rotating the antenna to the right direction. Which leads me to the question: connectivity versus convenience. If I have to , I will choose connectivity and use my daughter’s laptop.

Now if only I can just test Globe’s Visibility mobile internet service before I get locked in the 24 month period.

Early Christmas Decor Shopping

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On the way home from Baguio, I caught the colorful array of Christmas lanterns on the roadside of Gerona, Tarlac.

“I want to take photos” I begged my husband to stop.

The long stretch of bright [tag]Christmas Lanterns[/tag] was captivating. I had no plans of buying [tag]Christmas decors[/tag] but my husband (the Grinch) thought it was rude to take photos and not buy anything from the poor vendors. Strictly speaking, my husband isn’t really a Christmas Grinch. Ever since my son died in 2000, the holidays are the most depressing season for him. Next to Halloween day, the most difficult holiday of the year is Christmas. Christmas decors just remind him that Christmas is lonely without our little boy. Of course, we grieve differently . Christmas is a happy occasion for me. I digress. Anyway…

“Okay, let’s shop”. M and I started our search for the traditional Christmas lantern, the parol . There were probably more than 20 vendors all selling the same design ranging from flowers, butterflies, snowmen, stars, trees even a papaya tree, capiz lanterns and more.
lanternssnowmanlanternschristmas lanternschristmas lanternslanterns

My husband ventured to the other side of the roadside stand. Much later, he surprised me with 10 colorful star lanterns strung together. I never expected him to actually shop for himself. Joy filled my heart. It shows that Christmas shopping wasn’t a difficult task anymore. Look at what we got…

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