Dearest new Mom, it’s okay to cry.

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It’s okay to burst into tears – crying is your body’s way of releasing stress. There, there, new Mom, it’s okay to cry.

Congratulations on your bundle of joy, New Mom! You’re in for a ride of late nights and milky burps, poop explosions and numerous nappy changes. It’s not all stress though. You’ll find the simplest joy in an infant’s grip on your finger, tiny baby yawns and milky breaths. It’s going to be an emotional rollercoaster New Mom. I’m already giving you a heads up that there will be times when you’d want to give in to tears. In case you are wondering, it’s okay to cry.

let the tears fall

let the tears fall

New Mommy Tears

When my son was only a few weeks old, there were nights when he wouldn’t stop crying. I did all I thought would pacify him. I nursed him. I carried him, rocked him and sang him lullabies till I ran out of songs to sing. (I even ended up singing my high school’s Alma Mater song). He still wouldn’t go to sleep and kept crying.

“Am I doing something wrong?,” I thought. I was angry with myself for not knowing what to do. I was irritated with myself for feeling so helpless. Add to this the many conflicting instructions I’d get from elders. “Huwag mong buhatin! Baka masanay!,” one party would advise. “All babies need hugs! Huwag mong istress!,” said the other. I was open to learning but when contrasting pieces of advice would pop up, I would stress out. Confused, there were many times I’d burst into tears. Baby in my arms, I would sob my heart out.

Eventually the baby would calm down. I recall the reasons to some of the crying bouts – he was wet, he was hungry, and there are other crying bouts I simply cannot recall the reasons for. All I remember is the frustration with myself and the eventual relief when my newborn dozed off to sleep.

There were moments when I’d handle it well. I’d wake up to cries in the middle of the night. Then as if I’ve been doing it all my life, I’d change the baby’s diaper while I was half-asleep, nurse him, sing him a lullaby and go back to bed. It wasn’t all that bad, but still I was very tired. Sometimes I wanted to cry from tiredness.

A familiar scene from my youth takes on a different meaning.

Breaking Dawn: Newborn edition

There was one night I remember so well that I feel it just happened yesterday. I was rocking my crying baby to sleep and he just wouldn’t stop. Midnight turned to three a.m. Three a.m. turned to dawn. My son didn’t seem to want to stop nursing. I was looking out the window and I wondered, “Why is this scene so familiar?” I realized that the last time I had seen the sun rise was in my early twenties, when I’d get home early in the morning from a night out with friends. Then I felt the tiredness weigh down on me even more. I couldn’t help but smile at the contrast though. Life really was changing for me.

You’ll be fine, New Mom.

There, There, New Mom, It’s Okay to Cry

Dearest New Mom, I write to you because I want you to know that crying during those first few weeks is normal. It’s okay to feel helpless during these starter weeks. It’s okay to be confused, to be a little paranoid about each sound the baby’s making. It’s okay to burst into tears – crying is your body’s way of releasing stress. There, there, new Mom, it’s okay to cry.

A friend of mine gave me a heads up on this crying game during my baby shower. She said there would be moments like this. I was crossing my fingers it wouldn’t happen to me but I’m glad I listened to her and remembered her advice when I was trying to hold in the tears. I didn’t feel so alone knowing other Moms felt this too.

A strong support system helped ease my tears. There were times that when I’d feel the waterworks coming, I’d turn to my husband and say, “I’m going to cry, okay? Just let me be. I don’t need any solutions or advice. I don’t need you to do or fix anything. I just need to cry.” I’ve observed that men have this knee-jerk reaction to solve things when presented with a problem. The first times I would cry, my husband gave me tons of pep talk. There were times when it would work, there were times when it didn’t. Over time we both realized that it was also just fine if I cried it out and he simply sat beside me and held me. Having him by my side was enough to help me feel better.

After a few months, the sobbing sessions eased out.I was feeling more connected with motherhood as the weeks and months progressed, and I learned how to trust my instinct more. I became more in tune with my baby’s cries, knowing immediately what he needed. My confidence grew, and tears came by less frequently. Less tears from the baby, less tears from me.

So dearest new Mom, it’s okay to cry. However, if you don’t feel any better after a bout of crying or are having ill thoughts about the baby and those around you, seek medical attention. Having the baby blues is different from postpartum depression. Crying out is normal but only to a certain degree.

Remember that crying doesn’t make you less of a Mom. Let the tears fall. Let the stress out. Then take a deep breath. You’ll feel so much better!

by Toni Tiu, as originally posted on “It’s okay to cry (A letter to a new mom)” Philippine Online Chronicles.

Photo Credit: Vickilgh’s Pictures via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: higlu via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: Your Alter Ego (Angelica Lasala) via Compfight cc

The Art of “Thank You” and “I’m Sorry”

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A simple ‘thank you’ can save a life, brighten up a bad day, and even change the world. It makes the person hearing it want to return the favor, pay it forward, and better person.

In a world that’s been taken over by emoticons, stickers, Viber groups, and Facebook chats, it’s easy for honesty and sincerity to take a backseat. Ironically, now that our days are filled with easier and more convenient ways to communicate, the quality of our personal connections have dwindled. Have you actually looked someone in the eye and apologized in the last few weeks? When was the last time you thanked someone—truly thanked someone—in person and from the heart?

thank-you-490607_1280

A little gratitude goes a long way

There are plenty of ways to express our thanks and apologies without actually using words—a simple Minions sticker smiling that adorable smile on screen is usually the weapon of choice online. While it’s hard to resist the call of those little yellow creatures in denim overalls and goggles, it’s just not the same as actually saying the words. Ever since we were little kids, our parents would urge us to mind our manners, often asking us what we should say after hurting our siblings or our friends. And whenever our favorite tita would hand us a huge playset for Christmas, our mothers would be right there behind us, whispering, “Now, sweetie, what will you say?” Saying “thank you” and “I’m sorry” has been hardwired into our brains from the moment we learned how to speak, but somewhere along the way, it became harder and harder to say the words. Sometimes, they even come out automatically without any emotion from deep within, so what happened?

“In the 21st century, with so many different ways to communicate without even using words – email, voicemail, text messaging – it’s amazing that people don’t routinely acknowledge the kindness of others in one way or another,” says Rebecca Cole, author of Flower Power and co-host of Surprise by Design from the Discovery Channel. A lot of us have forgotten to say ‘thank you’ for even the most mundane things, not realizing that those two little words have the power to change big things. The simplest courtesies such as receiving our orders from a waiter or getting directions from a stranger on the street deserve our thanks. We even forget that not only does hearing the words ‘thank you’ make the receiver feel appreciated, but it also makes the person saying it feel good as well. It’s basically a win-win situation, isn’t it?

Thank You Mummy

“Receiving expressions of gratitude makes us feel a heightened sense of self-worth, and that in turn triggers other helpful behaviors toward both the person we are helping and other people, too,” says Francesca Gino, author of Sidetracked: Why Our Decisions Get Derailed, and How We Can Stick to the Plan. “I spend a lot of time working inside organizations and see teams working together to accomplish a task, usually with a deadline. Oftentimes, you don’t see the leaders going back and actually thanking the team members. Those are situations where expressions of gratitude from leaders could have wonderful effects,” the Harvard Business School associate professor continues.

A simple ‘thank you’ can save a life, brighten up a bad day, and even change the world. It makes the person hearing it want to return the favor, pay it forward, and be a better person. Just by thanking your husband for taking out the trash makes him feel truly loved, and merely appreciating your mother’s neatly packed lunch can help her get through the rest of her busy day. “My husband is now working for a start-up. I received flowers and a note from his company’s CEO thanking me for my understanding because my husband had been up all night working on a big project,” Gino shares. Moments like that one “really makes me think more carefully every time I am the one expressing gratitude to others. I don’t want to miss opportunities…I learned from my own research and now try to say ‘thank you’ much more often.”

It’s never too late to apologize

When it comes to saying sorry, on the other hand, our big egos and puffed up pride often get in the way. We may easily mutter the words without really meaning them, or worse, by being sarcastic about it. In apologizing, it’s important to know the impact it has on the people around us and the relationships we are in.

Asking For Forgiveness

Every time you say “I’m sorry”, you are showing the other person that he or she is respected. It builds trust and mutual respect in a relationship, which means that you value the state of the relationship rather than your own ego. Apologizing properly also helps you move on from your mistakes after owning up to them, and in turn builds a strong foundation between parties. As long as you are sincere in your apology, saying sorry also lifts that burden off your chest as instant relief washes over you. You certainly don’t want to prolong any bad blood, do you? A proper apology will straighten everything out. According to psychologist Guy Winch, author of Emotional First Aid, “An effective apology doesn’t just heal the wound for the other person. It’ll dissolve your guilt, too.”

Still, it’s not all about saying “I’m sorry” just for the heck of it. “Apologizing can be really bad communication. There are people who apologize for everything, and it can be related to assertiveness and self-esteem issues. It can send subtle messages that my needs are not as important as yours,” says marital therapist Dr. Guy Grenier. “We shouldn’t apologize for our own needs, but we should apologize for being thoughtless or careless.”

“It’s not appropriate just keep saying ‘I’m sorry’ for everything,” says psychotherapist Catherine Morris. “It’s appropriate when you become aware that your partner is truly wounded. If you’re not sincerely sorry, it should invite some dialogue.” Basically, whenever we apologize, we have to truly mean it—and strive to change our behavior so that our mistakes won’t happen again. “When my daughter was young, she would do something and then very quickly say sorry. I would say that I’m more interested in seeing your behavior change,” Morris shares. “It’s easy to say sorry; it’s harder to spend the time to understand why you’ve hurt someone and to work on not hurting them again.”

In the end, apologizing heals wounds, and having an attitude of gratitude also makes you more appreciative and at peace with your own life. So why not start mending relationships and begin thanking someone today?

Written by Cathy Dellosa-Lo as originally posted at Philippine Online Chronicles

Images: Thank You from Pixabay.com, Thank You Mummy and Asking For Forgiveness from Flickr. Used under Creative Commons. Some rights reserved.

Dissecting depression

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depression 1

I get many emails from readers after reading my Suicide Prevention page, saying they are depressed or feel hopeless. Sometimes I also get tweet mentions calling for help.

One should remember there is a difference between depression and sadness. Watch this video:

Depression in young kids may go unnoticed especially if one is hyperactive or acting out. Clinical depression is seen as deep sadness, loss of interest, trouble sleeping and eating — that gets worse. It pays to visit a psychiatrist who can detect to confirm that your teen is really suffering from clinical depression.

Here are some Signs and symptoms of depression in teens

  • Sadness or hopelessness
  • Irritability, anger, or hostility
  • Tearfulness or frequent crying
  • Withdrawal from friends and family
  • Loss of interest in activities
  • Changes in eating and sleeping habits
  • Restlessness and agitation
  • Feelings of worthlessness and guilt
  • Lack of enthusiasm and motivation
  • Fatigue or lack of energy
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Thoughts of death or suicide

You can also call 24/7 HOPELINE of The Natasha Goulbourn Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to bringing depression to light through the use of educational lectures, confidential crisis lines and referrals to partner psychologists.

 

Information and Crisis Intervention Center

(02) 804-HOPE (4673)
0917-558-HOPE (4673) or (632) 211-4550
0917-852-HOPE (4673) or (632) 964-6876
0917-842-HOPE (4673) or (632) 964-4084

In Touch Crisis Lines:

0917-572-HOPE or (632) 211-1305
(02) 893-7606 (24/7)
(02) 893-7603 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm)
Globe (63917) 800.1123 or (632) 506.7314
Sun (63922) 893.8944 or (632) 346.8776

Check the infographic below for more information on depression.


Via: Canada Drug Center

Are You A Victim? Real or Imagined?

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“I am not a victim. No matter what I have been through, I’m still here. I have a history of victory.”
– Steve Maraboli

 

Do you feel trapped or helpless? Do you feel like inaapi ka (you were victimized)?

If I have learned anything from my past, it was my awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances. Shoulders bent, head down, I shuffled through life taking these blows.

How many of you felt you have been the victim of unfortunate circumstances, real or imagined?

At one point in our lives, we may have been victimized or allowed ourselves to be victimized. There are times we might have sought out, created or re-created situations that victimized us.

Consider these scenarios.

Oh you got a new laptop? Yes, the victim sighs. But it doesn’t run as well as I expected and after all it cost so much.

Congrats you got promoted! The victim then sighs again, But there is such a price to pay for success. All that paperwork.

You have such a lovely condominium. The victim moans, Thanks, but I wanted a bigger floor area.

Victimization can turn out to be so habitual that one may feel victimized even by the good things that happen to them.

Some victims actually thought it was normal that people mistreated them. They actually believed that they deserved the mistreatment. They may have been attracted to people who mistreated them.

How does one stop being trapped as a victim?

1. One needs to let go of the need to be victimized or to be victims.

2. One needs to let go of the need to be in dysfunctional relationships and systems at work, in love, in family relationships and even in friendships.

3. Believe that you deserve better. It is your right. When you believe in your right to happiness, you will have happiness.

4. Let go of the belief that life is so hard, so awful or so difficult and replace that belief with a healthier and more realistic view.

Just liberate yourself by letting go of your need to be a victim and explore the freedom to take care of yourself.

 

“How would your life be different if…You stopped validating your victim mentality? Let today be the day…You shake off your self-defeating drama and embrace your innate ability to recover and achieve.”

Sinulog memories

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sinulog
Taken on the stage of Sinulog 1985 celebration
The cries of Pit Senyor rings in the air right now as Cebu’s Sinulog celebration heats up. Sinulog holds treasured memories of the two loves of my life: My dad and my husband.

Thirty one years ago , I first attended it with my then fiance. A lot of milestones happened in Sinulog 1985.

– my first Sinulog
– I got engaged the day before
– Dad was the chair of Sinulog 1985
– the 1985 model was a great organizational model

The Pamanhikan

How in love we both were ( and still are). Sinulog 1985 holds precious memories as that was the day Butch asked my dad for my hand in marriage. On that day, the two loves of my life finally got to talk for the first time. In all the 7 years that Butch and I were steadies, Dad never spoke a single word to Butch except “hi and bye”. That day, I finally asked Dad why he treated Butch that way . Dad’s two lame explanations were that he didn’t want Butch to be too familiar and secondly , he didn’t know how to talk to the boyfriend of his daughter. Oh well, that was cleared up that fateful Sinulog eve.


Sinulog 2012

Dad, the organizer

I missed the Sinulog so many times. During the Sinulog 2012, I brought my two girls to join the festivities and finally participate and take photos. It was not that crowded then in 1985 yet it was still festive.

Sinulog 1985 - dadWith the help of my sister, Lorna who assisted dad during the Sinulog, I was able to piece something about dad’s last Sinulog as the overall organizer.

Dad was the chair for the Board of Judges committee, to judge the higantes and floats, starting 1981. I helped him find the judges and investigate their reputation and credibility. It is possible that the 1985 festival was the largest since it started but I do recall that even 1981 had already elbow-to-elbow crowds. I cannot remember the numbers. All I truly remember is that the 1985 model was a great organizational model.

The Sinulog Festival that started in 1980 was a modestly-managed event. David ““Boy” Odilao had started this project as a competition among school-based dance troupes. 16-year old Shelley Ann Roper from Connecticut, USA, the Rotary Exchange student hosted by the Rotary Club of Cebu-West (and who was living with us in our Lahug home) who was a member of the Southwestern Dance Troupe, was acknowledged as the first American to dance in this first official celebration that had commercial appeal. Shelley certainly stood out — blonde hair, fair skin, dancing barefooted in Sinulog attire.


Sinulog 2012

The glitters, the dances, the fancy trimmings and the pageantry are only expressions of how important Santo Nino is to the Cebuanos but for me Sinulog is a day filled with treasures of love .

My dear Sto. Nino . These days in January we are again celebrating your feast. How fitting to celebrate your feast in this first month of the year, since as a child, you invite us to grow and mature with you through the year!

Pit Senyor

Aspire to be the best me in 2017 and beyond

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“Aspire, break bounds. Endeavor to be good, and better still, best.” – Robert Browning

Aspire to inspire.

I feel good about 2017. After all, it is my year. 2017 is the year of the Fire Rooster.  Yes, I was born on the Year of the Fire Rooster.  Before the year 2016 ended, I already envisioned myself to have more financial blessings in 2017. Tomorrow, I will sign a contract , a dream that floated in my mind and which I worked to make sure it will happen.

I want to dream for more goals this year other than financial blessings.

I take inspiration from Dr. Wayne W. Dyer  a few years back  about the New year . He said that instead of a New Year’s resolution, “set up day-to-day goals for yourself, and then resolve to begin living with present moment awareness for the rest of your life. When you get good at living your present moments one day at a time, you’ll see yourself changing right before your own surprised eyes. Remember, anyone can do anything for just one day, so tune out the sentences that keep you locked into your old self-defeating ways and begin to enjoy each day of your bright new year.”

There are things that I have  wanted to do for myself one day at a time. I resolve NOT to list down New Year’s resolutions and instead, do those little things I have ignored or shelved aside the past year and continue those activities or nurture attitudes that improve my life.

I realize that goals need to be written down. It serves as an affirmation of myself, my life, and my ability to choose. Then I let it go. New Year goals is something we need to dig within and discover what we would like to happen in our life this year. It is an affirmation that we are interested in living life in the year to come.

So the questions arise. What would I like to attain? Where would I like to go?  What would I like to happen in my marriage and family life? I have to remember that I am not out to control others with my goals but rather giving direction to my life. So I continue on pondering. What problems would I like to be solved? What decisions would I like to make? What would I like to happen in my business?

Based on these questions, I listed my goals in my paper journal so I will look back at it every day and monitor my progress.

Most of all,  I aspire to be a better me, as  a blogger, a mother, a wife , a sister and a friend. I often read daily affirmations to help me aspire to be the better version of myself. I have been good but I can still be better.

This is one beautiful meditation from Louise Hay that quite applies to me.

In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. My life is ever new. Each moment of my life is new and fresh and vital. I use my affirmative thinking to create exactly what I want. This is a new day. I am a new me. I think differently. I speak differently. I act differently. Others treat me differently. My new world is a reflection of my new thinking. It is a joy and a delight to plant new seeds, for I know these seeds will become new experiences. All is well in my world.

With this affirmative thinking, I aspire to be the best me in 2017 and beyond. What about you? What are some things that you aspire to happen this year?

2017 is the year of the Fire Rooster. That’s me.

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The year of the Fire Rooster begins January 28, 2017. It happens once every 60 years. The last time was in 1957.

Trustworthy, with a strong sense of timekeeping and responsibility at work 

Image via bjjheroes.com. Some rights reserved.

I was born on the Year of the Fire Rooster. I have always known that I was born on the Year of the Rooster and it is one reason, I collect a few rooster knick knacks . What I didn’t expect was that 2017 is the Year of the Fire Rooster. I don’t normally believe in Zodiac signs but hey, I don’t get to celebrate the Fire Rooster every decade. It takes 60 years and the next time it will occur, I will be 120 years old.

Let me list down the Fire Rooster characteristics that I think are so ME and those that are NOT me . This site says

Under the passionate influence of the Fire Element, the Fire Rooster becomes the most dramatic and energized of all the Rooster signs. The Fire Rooster lives life in enthusiastic, dynamic bursts, which explains why they are so comfortable taking risks. At times, the strong will of the Fire Rooster can make them seem dominating, but this is only a result of their genuine interest in doing the best for themselves and others. Nevertheless, the Fire Rooster can make a very successful leader in the right situation.

So far so good. I think I am a leader in some ways and other times, I just want to be a follower.

The Fire Rooster Personality 

Let me refer you to this gotohoroscope website.

Roosters are quick witted and have a great sense of humor, although it can be rather sharp and brutal at times.

I sometimes think I am funny but yes, I can be brutal and sharp especially when I was a mother to my young children.  The Fire Rooster personality further adds that “Friends of Rooster people have to get used to the fact that they do not hold back on anything, and that their brand of honesty can be unsettling. ” Yes, I tend to be tactless but I have learned to be more gentle. with my words.

I can afford to be offensive on social media when I deliver commentary on corrupt people or criticize the government. I know  such commentaries are offensive but the truth has to be told. They say “Roosters expect everyone to have the same blunt nature and become quite frustrated if you waste their time by talking around a subject (in order to avoid hurt feelings) when it would be faster to just say thing straight out. ” Yes, I hate beating around in circles. Go straight to the point please.

Most Roosters are meticulous people who never miss an appointment. Not only that, but they are never late!

Yes, this is so true . I hate being late so I tend to arrive early for an appointment. I also don’t  like it if people are habitually late. I agree that “To a Rooster, the deadliest insult is when you do not keep an appointment, so write down meetings with Roosters in red ink! ”

This part is not true for me about Roosters having  tremendous amount of mental and physical energy, and that they never sit still. I can sit still for hours when it comes to writing or engaging in social media.  The part on “Nor do they ever stop multi-tasking” is true though but I learned to take breaks by walking 10,000 steps a day.

While most Roosters prefer to work alone (believing no one can match their level of perfection or diligence) Fire Rooster make great team leaders.

This is so true. I  learned to be a team leader in my early twenties when I had to deal with projects. I don’t really know what my team members think of me because for me, a team’s

Image via crystalwind.ca. Some rights reserved.

success lies in bringing the deliverables.  The Fire Rooster personality adds that “they inspire others through their organization and work ethic, and use their sharp eye to discover what will most bring people together”.  I hope I did or I hope I continue to do so.

Of all the Roosters, the Fire Rooster is the most concerned about his appearance.

I admit I am vain but I think I got that from my mother. I tend to look at the mirror all the time to check on my hair, makeup and clothes.  They say the Fire Roosters will spend as much time as necessary to look their absolute best at all times. I only do so when I go out but at home, I just wear my house clothes and not bother with how I look.  My husband thinks I am too vain. I tell him, I like to look good in photos.  Perhaps this personality is true : “Friends and coworkers often feel that the Fire Rooster is too vain. He or she is preoccupied with clothing, accessories, and the perfect hair style. ”

Roosters always seem to have a notebook or scraps of paper with them, they are constantly writing notes and reminders.

Based on this fengshuiweb.co.uk , I found this characteristic so true but I use digital paper or One Note to take down notes or do checklists.

The Chinese sign of the Fire Rooster is also a bit bossy.

I definitely think I am bossy. Even my husband says so. The Fire Rooster Personality has an explanation : “Since Fire Roosters are very smart and talented, they assume that their way is always the best way, and that everyone else should follow their way exactly. Of course, Fire Roosters have the usual Rooster honesty, which means they have no problem telling people exactly what they are doing wrong and why they should be doing it the Fire Rooster way. If they are not careful, this can lose them friends. “

I often wonder what my high school classmates think. Most of us were born in 1957. Come to think of it, we all tend to be bossy during our reunions. In this situation, I just wither in the background so things can move smoothly.

I am certainly look forward to 2017.  I didn’t know it would be my year until I saw the Chinese Rooster images in the markets here in Singapore. Most of all, I didn’t know I am a Fire Rooster. There is much to be hopeful for, and the crowing of the rooster will soon be heard as the Chinese Lunar New Year’s Day takes place on January 28, 2017.

Cheers to health , love, prosperity this 2017.

‘Pag may time’: The Pinoy art of not doing something

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Time-Card-225x300I’m sure that most people reading this article has either been exasperated that someone is avoiding giving you time for something you want them to do, or have themselves avoided doing something for someone else, citing time issues. Among Filipinos, this habit can reach epic proportions, and may, in fact, be the root cause of many social issues today.

The inability to say “No”
The first facet of this habit of finding ways to avoid doing something is rooted in the Filipino inability to directly say “no.” That’s because for the Pinoy, that can be tantamount to admitting that they are lacking in some sort of skill. It’s so deeply ingrained that there isn’t really a true word for “no” in the Filipino language – “hindi” comes close, but it has so many shades and nuances that it usually has to be expounded on.

This sometimes works to the Pinoy’s advantage, in that if they don’t want to do something, it’s easy to come up with an ambiguous way of saying that there is no time, it can’t be done, or that it shouldn’t be done, even.

And yet, when a Pinoy wants to do something… you don’t even have to finish your sentence. “Sige” is great, “oo” even better, and if the person simply asks what the requirements and deadline is in an enthusiastic manner, you know that stuff will be done.

System and structure
When dealing with “can/can’t do” situations in the Philippines, you should also check if your request may actually have an issue with the overall situation.

On the most objective level, Pinoys don’t like rocking the boat. And if that means that your request may cause them to do things that may raise eyebrows, or at the very least isn’t what they normally do, there’s a good chance that they may put up excuses to the effect that it can’t be done, it needs clearance, or it needs much more time than your request requires. Depending on how strict or traditional the structure or system in place is, it shouldn’t come as a surprise if you have to go through some clearance hoops and formal letters of request (triple-approved, no doubt), before something will be done.

And if it’s on a personal level, the same thing applies: anything out of the comfort zone is usually met with some sort of excuse. If you’re thinking that this may in part be the “indolence of the Filipinos,” then you would be right. Pinoys aren’t necessarily lazy as they calculate if it’s worth doing something.

However, if you think that that is the dark side, then you would be very wrong.Money Hand

The dark side of system and structure issues is that Pinoys easily fall into corrupt practices, given this mindset. In other words: you want them to move? Then all you have to do is grease the wheels. Preferably with cash and gifts.

It all starts, again, with that Pinoy thing about not rocking the boat. However, some Pinoys, being, ahem, enterprising, will make it profitable for them to accede to certain requests. The sad part is, they probably won’t find a shortage of people wanting to take advantage of the shortcut they offer.

Of course, some people will ask: why not change the system? Well, the answer to that is that it’s a bit of a closed loop, in the sense that since the system or structure is traditional… cultural inertia makes changes difficult. And given that some (all right, many) people in the system are profiting from the use of shortcuts, it will be even more difficult to institute changes.

Avoidance
Another reason why Pinoys can and will find ways to not do something is the simple matter of avoiding responsibility. It is becoming more common in local culture that people who just keep their heads down will usually have reasonably quiet lives. So again, why rock the boat? This makes people strict about what they will do or not do. After all, there are many stories of people who stuck their neck out for someone, only to find themselves in more trouble, be it figurative in the sense of more administrative paperwork to do, or in a literal sense, as their jobs or even their lives may be at risk.

However, even if it sounds like Pinoys really just don’t want to do anything, there’s a flip side to the Filipino story of “pag may time.”

Asking too much
The problem, on the other hand, is that Pinoys do tend to ask rather big favors. On one hand, a misplaced sense of Pinoy pride will also prevent some people from asking help until the favor will become something that’s very big, and will entail a lot of issues on the side of the person being asked a favor from. On another point, it’s also about how Pinoys love to “lean” on people whom they know they can ask favors from, so much so that for many Pinoys, a request is a balance between authority of the one asking and the amount of work and hassle it will entail from the one to whom the request is directed.

Business is personal
In Filipino culture, there is no such thing as an impersonal request. All requests are, on some level, personal in nature. To request something implies that you either have authority over the other person, or that you know the person – and for Pinoys, authority is very much related to knowing the other person, if only on a perfunctory basis.

What to do
As you can see, the act of asking something from someone in the Philippines can become rather complicated. At the shallowest, a refusal can certainly be borne out of laziness and not wanting to do something that can raise eyebrows.

However, as the request becomes more important and larger in scope, it’s a good idea to look, also, at the situation as it relates to the person you are making a request to. If you can figure out how to phrase your request properly, then you should have minimal issues that you can negotiate or even handwave with what you are asking from someone else.

So if you get hit by the “pag may time” term while asking a favor from someone, all you have to do is find a way to make the request more acceptable – and if you really think that it’s all just about being lazy, then at least you know whom not to ask a favor from next time.

A fool and his money
Photos:
“Time Card,” by Matti Mattila, c/o Flickr.Com
“Money Hand,” by Neubie, c/o Flickr.Com
“A Fool and His Money.” by David Goehring, c/o Flickr.Com

 

By Richard Leo Ramos Philippine Online Chronicles.

 

What to stuff into those Christmas stockings

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Christmas stockings is a cherished tradition? What do you put inside the stockings?

stockings

There’s an old Merry Melodies cartoon my sisters and I loved watching when we were kids. It’s a story of seven kids and how they can’t for Christmas morning. Santa Claus drops by on Christmas Eve, filling their living room with toys as they sleep. One scene that stands out a lot for me is when Santa stuffs one of the children’s old socks with a toy, then adds one more toy, and another, until the whole ratty sock is practically bursting with playful trinkets. Santa would then give off his hearty laugh and off he’d go to the next stocking. I love that scene because of all the possibilities that can fill a little old sock. If this happened in real life, one can imagine the joy a little boy would have as he digs out toy after toy on Christmas morning. Who knew how much magic digging through an old sock could bring?

Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why hanging stockings up for Christmas is a cherished tradition. A stocking can’t fill much, so what surprises can one find the next morning? Will the toy train one requested for fit into that sock (and if so, how did Santa manage do that!)? Will the stocking be filled with wondrous delights, from sugary treats to savory indulgences? How generous can you be with such limited stocking space? That is the stocking stuffer’s challenge. It’s easy to stuff stockings. What’s difficult is not knowing when to stop!

A little boy would surely go nuts over a stocking filled with his favourite toys. Stuff his stocking with action figures from his favourite movie or cartoon. The more complete the set, the better! If the little boy is into cars, stuff his stocking with as many Matchbox cars as you can. He’ll surely spend Christmas morning racing around the living room with a smile plastered on his face. For boys who are into creepy crawlies, rubber insects and animals are sold in toy stores. Fill his stocking to the brim with these creatures.

A little girl on the other hand may delight in a stocking full of accessories. Bracelets and headbands and ribbons, oh my! If she’s into Barbie dolls, why not fill her stocking with new clothes for Barbie? Don’t forget the matching shoes!

But who says only kids can enjoy super stuffed stockings? Grown-ups can also find fun in these packaged surprises. For the foodie grown-up, fill her stocking with savory snacks she can take with her everywhere she goes! Biscuits, crackers and cookies would surely delight. For coffee lovers, a stash of their favourite coffee mixes, beans and maybe even a mug (if it fits!) can be jammed into a stocking. Have bookworms in the family? Jam as many books as you can into a stocking. Bookmarks and book lights can also join in the fun. The travel lover may enjoy a stocking stuffed with trail mix, anti-bacterial gel, even a small, folding umbrella for those sudden downpours. Nature-loving friends will enjoy stockings filled with packs of seeds, perhaps a gardening tool set with matching gloves too. Interests as themes for stocking stuffers is a fun and easy way to begin the thought process for when you want to fill someone’s stocking but don’t know where to start!

What if you’re a little scrimped for cash? Can you still fill up someone else’s stocking? Definitely. A coupon-filled stocking is one way to go! Create coupons for a free massage’ or a free drive to the mall’ and pile up these coupons into your loved one’s stocking. This stocking of favors will surely come in handy for them and they’d be much appreciated. How about a stocking full of promises? Grab a bunch of calling-card sized board paper and write a promise on each one to. It could be something silly like ““I promise to wear the polka-dot tie you gave me whenever you ask me to” or something grand ““I promise to take you to Manila Ocean Park.” Don’t forget to follow through on those promises!

Socks and stockings may look like they can’t hold much, and that’s precisely why stuffing them is so much fun. How far can a loved one’s stocking stretch with your generosity? Why not go and find out!

 

This is by Toni Tiu, a repost from Philippine Online Chronicles .

A food tour at the farmers market with the US Ambassador Sung Kim

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“A food tour at the Farmers’ market in Cubao”?

“Resource person”?

My mind could not wrap itself to the idea of being a food tour guide. I was thinking, hmm…I rarely get invited  as a resource person when it comes to food. To think that I have a large and organic reach at my Pinoy Food Community on facebook.  I am usually invited as resource person for political commentaries, social media and digital parenting .  This was different.

Yes, food tour guide for the US embassy staff.

Oh no, I thought again. That means, I need to know the English translation for the Tagalog ingredients. Google is my savior.

Two days before the food tour, I received a call that the US embassy staff included the US Ambassador Sung Kim and Emma Nagy, the Deputy Press Attaché . How exciting , I thought.  I had wanted to meet the new ambassador two weeks ago when he addressed the YSEALI youth leaders but I couldn’t make it .

Sunday , the day at the Farmers’ market.  I arrived ahead of time to check out the market. It’s  been awhile since I last bought my ingredients in this wet market.  It is not as stinky as most public markets are  . Thank goodness .  I love the wide aisles, the variety of goods sold by the vendors and how organized each section was. The goods sold at the farmers’ market here are so much cheaper than the Sunday markets or at my local grocer.

What greets you by the entrance across the flower market are the fruit vendors.  You can source your  12 round fruits for New Year’s eve here. There is so much variety like the honeydew melons, watermelons, longgans, guava, orange varieties, grapes, apple varieties, chico, pears, and not so round fruits like papaya, pineapple, and mangoes.

A centralized weighing scale reassures me that I get the right weight for my purchases.

Shortly before 9:30 AM,the Deputy Press Attaché and  Ambassador Sung Kim arrived with his wife, two daughters and a friend. It’s great to see their enthusiasm.  The market is the best place to understand the culture of any country.

Everyone was eager to shop. First stop was the kakanin area where the suman, rice cakes, and leche flan were sold. The ambassador was convinced to buy the Leche flan when Emma told him that she also bought one.

I told the ambassador that leche flan is similar to the Crème brûlée . I explained that the ideal leche flan  has very little syneresis, that is, no weeping (or lots of holes in it!).

Then we  passed by the vegetable section. One of the daughters spotted the “sitaw” (string beans). She remembers eating adobong sitaw when she visited the Philippines. It happens to be the favorite veggie dish of my daughter.  The ambassador proudly announced that he plans to cook  adobong sitaw that night.

Mrs. Kim was amused at the fresh “suahe”(moderately sized shrimps) …so fresh that they literally jumped off the basin.  The ambassador shows off his purchase of a kilo of “Suahe”.

The next stop was the rice section. She wanted to buy Japanese rice ..The light, fluffy, and slightly sticky when cooked is ideal for rice toppings and even for Paella (if you like your rice to have some stickiness).

The we dropped by “Itlog ni Tikya” . The owner recognized the ambassador and wanted a photo op with him. She plans to put the photo in her facebook page. The ambassador bought the quail eggs. Great for side dishes. I usually add quail eggs on my sauteed veggies.

The last stop was the fruit stalls. I told the ambassador that we get a lot of fruit imports from China, and America.  I pointed him to the Sagada Oranges  which are in season from September-February . The best ones are picked fresh in December. What great timing! Sagada oranges cost 50 pesos per orange. These oranges are really sweet.

It was time to say our goodbyes . It was a pretty short food tour but I am glad I was able to talk to him about a universal theme : food.  Maybe we will meet again in a social media event.

What a productive day. I got to meet the friendly US ambassador and his family and I ended up shopping for my weekly menu. There are so  many reasons to love Farmers’ market in Cubao.   This mini food tour allowed me to rediscover the variety of produce at the Farmers’ market . I will buy the Curacha (red frog crab) from Zamboanga  and the ube (purple yam) so I could prepare Ube Halaya.

Till my next visit.