The first day of Cyber Martial Law : I will not be silenced #NoToCybercrimelaw

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“The black tapes on our mouths symbolize the lack of freedom of speech when the Cybercrime law gets implement” – Lauren

The Cybercrime Prevention Act is now effective today , October 3. This law threatens our basic rights and freedoms. It works against ordinary netizens — bloggers, freelance writers, website owners, social network users. etc. — and disregards, among other things, our right to privacy and freedom of expression.

It saddens me to know that my daughter born on Freedom Constitution day (March 25, 1986) is now faced with Cyber Martial law because the Cybercrime prevention Act violates the right to free speech. I lived through martial law and I was overjoyed that my daughter was born free from the shackles of a dictatorship.

A month after the 1986 ““People Power Revolution,” President Corazon C. Aquino issued Proclamation No. 3 providing for an orderly transition to a government with a new constitution. It was popularly known as the Freedom Constitution. What a historical day to be born.


It saddens me, no wait., disappoints me that my daughter whom I introduced the internet when she was only nine years old in early 1996 faces this new law that unduly gives the Department of Justice extra-ordinary powers without due process of law to shut down websites on the Internet.

It is disturbing to read the Section 19 provision “When computer data [are] prima facie is found to be in violation of the provisions of this Act, the DOJ [Department of Justice] shall issue an order to restrict or block access to such computer data.”

I feel I didn’t fight hard enough for my children’s future when I see her tweet “It’s a sad time to be a Filipino living in the Philippines.”

It breaks my heart to see her tweet “I feel betrayed by the senators who voted yes to the #Cybercrime Law. I actually voted for some of you. ” It is a question most often asked by netizens. “Why did they vote for the CyberCrime Prevention Bill?”

How could you, President Noynoy sign this bill? I made noise together with some of your known supporters eight months ago.

I can’t believe you signed this …You of all people who won with the help of social media. I did not vote for you but my friends did. I would have thought you should have been on their side. Indeed like Marocharim stated :

It is a shame, to say the least, that a government in power – and empowered – by social media is the first to put limits on it. The political climate that brought President Benigno Aquino III and the lot of lawmakers in the Senate and the Congress was by and large shaped by the discontent in social media.

No, I will not be silenced.

Makibaka. Huwag Matakot!

STOP CYBER MARTIAL LAW

Photo credit to my daughter Lauren and Philippine Internet Freedom Alliance

Goodbye Kylee

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If you are a regular reader of my blog, you must have come across the mis-adventures of our handsome cat.. Kylee, the Applehead Siamese pet kitty of my daughter Lauren. I’ve written numerous times about him: here, here, and here.

The sad news came in the middle of a roundtable discussion this afternoon about the cybercrime law. My daughter sent an SMS that Kylee died. I couldn’t be there to comfort her (and my daughter in Australia). I already knew something was not quite right with Kylee that morning. The night before, the vet came over to check on Kylee and arrived with a diagnosis that Kylee suffered a bout of pneumonia. You know I always thought Kylee would overcome this latest health battle . He suffered a stroke two months ago but Kylee managed to walk again after being paralyzed for a few days. I guess Kylee was preparing us for his death. I cried thinking he was dying yet he survived.

But today was different. Kylee felt cold to the touch as I cupped his face and stroked his fur. He let out a small meow as I thanked him for the beautiful memories and how he lived a full life. I thanked him for the joy he brought to our lives. Good thing I had cradled him to let him know how much he was loved by all of us. I never thought Kylee would leave us that day.

But why fuss over a cat? I lost five family members including the devastating loss of my beautiful son. I treat Kylee and our cats as members of our family. I am at a loss of words. Butch Dalisay who lost his pet cat a year ago, says it well:

What is it we grieve for when we lose our pets? Perhaps the passing of our own time, of affection freely given and fully rewarded, and of that rarest of relationships in this age of Facebook friendship , a pure, uncomplicated love nourished by touch and gesture instead of speech.

There are just so many memories. I recall the day I picked up Kylee from the pet store in 1999. He was so tiny that he could fit on the palms of my hand. Among the two kittens, I chose Kylee because he was the most playful . The shop owner gave me a male cat when Lauren wanted a female kitty. We only found out a few months later. Good thing Kylie (original spelling) can also be for males (Kylee).

He outlived our 6 year old son. This feline holds a special place in our family because of the memories of Luijoe playing and caring for this cat. An unusual thing happened on the day my son died. According to the helpers, Kylee slept on Luijoe’s pillow the whole day. That was the only time they saw this strange behavior . Did Kylee have a sixth sense that Luijoe died?

Kylee is a music lover who enjoys listening to the girls playing the piano by sitting on top of the piano. Sometimes he plods , paw by paw on the piano keys as he listens to his own kitty melody. Singing along with my daughter is another music activity but when he’s overwhelmed with the soprano pitch, he ends up nipping her hand. nanggigil.

I know I could not just bury him anywhere. We don’t have much of garden so I thought of pet cremation services. While my daughter was on the other line, I told her I wanted Kylee cremated. Within a few minutes, I looked for my twitter friend @angelicumOda who owned Rainbow Bridge Pet Aftercare Services but they were non-operational that week. I was glad he referred me to Dr. Manny of Pet Valley who arranged to pick up Kylee at our home. Lauren seemed happy with the funeral arrangements. Cremation is a means to permanently memorialize our pet in some special way.

I also felt that cremation is a proper and dignified tribute to Kylee’s life. It gives us the opportunity to do the last gesture of love and appreciation to a companion that we considerered nothing less than a family member and who deserves nothing but the best. Lauren chose a ceramic urn that allowed an inscription of a dedication. Since Kylee loved the piano, the urn will be placed on top of it.

I rushed home hoping I could still give Kylee one last pat before “Pet Valley” arrived. Just my luck as I drove inside the garage, the van arrived. I caught Lauren and Marco at the living room with Kylee lying on a blue blanket. We made the final arrangements including the type of urn to be used. With a heavy heart, Lauren slowly wrapped Kylee with the blanket and carried him over to the man.

It was time to let go. Good bye Kylee. Thanks for the 14 years of companionship. I patted his head. Then my husband and I hugged Lauren.

Lauren wrote about So Long Space Cat Kylee


(Photo taken a few months ago by Lauren)

Sleep well and dream your kitty dreams, Kylee. Know that I will never love another cat as much as I love you.

– Lauren

A Safe School Program to prevent bullying, abuses & discrimination

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Parents are so blessed these days. There is a growing awareness that bullying in schools are not tolerated anymore especially after the Department of Education announced a landmark policy last May that aims to protect children against bullying and other forms of violence in schools.

Twenty years ago, I fought a lonely battle with the teacher and guidance counselor of my daughter’s school. They didn’t think bullying was wrong. Bullying is part of growing up. Really? My daughter lost interest in studying. Her grades dropped. Much as I developed extra-curricular activities for her, she still had to face the bully at school.

Bullying should not be tolerated. Bullying damages the physical, social, and emotional well-being of its victims.

“Bullying is NOT pre-wired, harmless, or inevitable
Bullying IS learned, harmful, and controllable
Bullying SPREADS if supported or left unchecked
Bullying INVOLVES everyone—bullies, victims, and bystanders
Bullying CAN BE effectively stopped or entirely prevented”

Indeed, bullying in the school has been a common problem in the Philippines and worldwide. Negative effects of bullying on our children can last a lifetime and curb their potentials.

When I got invited to talk about the need for anti-bullying program in Wadeford School in Kalibo, Aklan over the weekend, I suggested a Safe School Program. A safe school program not only covers anti-bullying intervention. It creates a safe and caring school community by providing a comprehensive, school wide framework for the prevention of bullying or any form of discrimination or harassment.

It inspired me to see a number of eager parents and teachers in attendance. First I explained the four kinds of bullying:

1. Physical bullying

    when someone hits, shoves, kicks, spits, or beats up another person
    when someone damages or steals another student’s property

2. Verbal bullying

    name-calling, mocking, hurtful teasing
    humiliating or threatening someone
    making people do things they don’t want to do

3. Social bullying

    excluding others from the group
    spreading gossip or rumours about others
    making others look foolish
    making sure others do not spend time with a certain student

4. Electronic bullying

    using computer, e-mail, phone or cellular phone text messages to:
    threaten or hurt someone’s feelings

    single out, embarrass or make someone look bad
    spread rumours or reveal secrets about someone

Secondly, it was important to know their beliefs in bulllying.

I asked: “Do your beliefs promote or prevent bullying?”

Perhaps not many parents are aware of the ways their beliefs may color their views and influence on bullying..such as choices they make to intervene in—or ignore—the bullying around them.

A parent admitted that someone brushed away bullying as just “away-bata”. It has been tolerated as such for many years but we know now that it can be damaging to a child’s learning potential and psychological being.

Lastly, I also touched on cyber-bullying. Though this is the least prevalent form of bullying, knowing that such can happen 24/7 is enough to be concerned.

Collaborative effort of the school administration, teachers, parents, and students is needed for an effective safe school program.

Everyone from the parents, educators, the students and community should stand up and voice out that bullying should stop. Domestic violence should stop. Preventing and stopping bullying involves a commitment to creating a safe environment where children can thrive, socially and academically, without being afraid.

Based on the response and questions from the parents, I am happy to see that indeed, they recognize that bullying should not be tolerated. That is a good sign, the first step in initiating a safe school program is the right attitude that bullying can be prevented.

The goal of a Safe School Program is to use interventions at the levels of the student, parents, and school and to ensure that students are given a consistent, coordinated, and strong message by everyone in the school that 1) bullying will not be tolerated and that 2) we can prevent bullying if we work together.

It is heartening to see the Parents and Teachers Association of Wadeford School actively pursuing plans to undertake an anti-bullying prevention program. There is much to learn so I told them to download the toolkit to prevent bullying in children’s lives as a starting point.

Most of all I am grateful to Harvey Ylanan for bringing me to Kalibo. It is my first time to be there and it was a great place to be … far away from the maddening (sometimes) noise of Manila.

Cobra Pinoy Hero Awards 2012: A tribute to everyday heroes

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Heroes are made not born. There are no automatic heroes. Sometimes it takes a lifetime of heroic deeds to make a hero. But there are everyday opportunities for anyone, even ordinary people, to become heroes. All we have to do is be aware of these opportunities.

One does not have to hold a high government position, be intelligent, charismatic or extraordinary. Most people can be heroic as the need arises.  Sometimes we just need to be inspired to move into action by being aware of everyday heroes.

 

(from left) Mark David Cerezo, Dionisio Abude and Leonilo Beltran

 

Take for instance the Cobra Pinoy Hero awards where three Grand Winners were chosen on August 29 at the Crowne Plaza. These three awardees are your everyday heroes with inspiring stories of strength, perseverance and determination.

The three Pinoy Heroes

Cobra Energy Drink capped its 3-month campaign of searching for everyday heroes from all walks of life wanting to share their experiences of victory over hardships, of giving back to those in need despite having little themselves. Around 2,000 stories were  gathered from this campaign . This is their way of taking a step towards nation building; in order to inspire Filipinos to be everyday heroes and take a step forward to become one.

Each of the three awardees embodied the greatness of a hero with their creativity, the passion  and courage to take on the awesome responsibility that came along their way.

Mark ““Rubberman” Cerezo of Marikina  learned to make sculptures out of trash and discarded rubber from shoemakers.

Police Superintendent Dionisio Abude from Davao took in the troubled youth with past crimes due to poverty and made it his mission to turn them into productive citizens.

Leonilo Beltran from  Baler,  Aurora, a former OFW electrician who founded Skills Caravan where fellow volunteers teach skills to out-of-school youth and jobless adults.

Other inspiring stories

The stories of the six other finalists need to be shared as well. Despite their limitations, these courageous men believed in themselves and made the choice to make a difference in their lives and that of others.

There is Ramil Junasa Jactin of Butuan City, a polio victim who conquered his disability in order to be able to teach and was lauded by Malacanang as an Outstanding Youth of the Philippines; Mark Eden Ellaga of Antique, a driven scholar and the very first Outstanding Student of Antique Awardee; Sherwin Abanilla who hails from Zamboanga is a volunteer of the Philippine National Red Cross Emergency Response Team and dreams of becoming a great leader someday.

Other inspiring stories came from; Benjamin Vidallon of Taguig who used to be a lumpia vendor and janitor but turned his life around and now works as a Call Center Agent and Spanish Translator.  There is Ariel John Villares of Zamboanga, a jeepney conductor and security guard by day and a working student by night. Finally we have Ramley Chio Dangla Cruz who hails from Balut, Tondo and works as a med rep but is also a volunteer firefighter/medic.

It is just fitting that the keynote speaker and presentors are heroes in their own right and wonderful role models in inspiring one to be a hero. Keynote Speaker and Presentor is Efren Penaflorida  made us proud by being named CNN Hero of the Year in 2009.  Co-Presentors  include Tony Meloto, founder of Gawad Kalinga, Illac Diaz, founder of MyShelter Foundation and proponent of the IsangLitrongLiwanag campaign as well as Major General Renato Garcia, Executive Director of the Help Educate and Rear Orphans (HERO) Foundation where Cobra Energy Drink has committed sizeable cash donations to be spread out in five years.

A pledge to work at being Everyday Heroes

 

Inside every one of us is a hero with skills that can make the world a better place. But how? if only everyone gained enough courage, creativity, perseverance and drive  to make this happen, then our world will be a better place to live in. No wonder the event ended with a Panata that a commitment will be made to work at being Everyday Heroes.

River Maya ended the event with their new single Pilipinas, Kailang Ka Magigising . Their lyrics ring true on raising awareness of bringing out the hero in each one of us. ““Sino ang magbibigay ng buhay , Sa minamahal mong Pilipinas”


 River Maya song  Pilipinas, Kailang Ka Magigising

The Cobra Pinoy Hero Awards is indeed a  tribute to these men and women who continue to inspire us to become better as a nation.  It is fitting that the Cobra Pinoy Heroes Awards recognized these everyday heroes during  National Heroes day  when the nation also recognize our heroes of the past.

Be inspired! Check out other stories in the Cobra Fan Page www.facebook/CobraPhilippines

How to Help A Suicdal Friend or Family Member

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suicideI noticed something strange in my blog referrals. There is an upsurge of suicide image searches in my blog which points to the Suicide Prevention page. Thank you Google. That has been the trend for many months now but in the past two days, there is just way too much reference to it.

I recall the same upsurge when someone surfed on the sensational suicide death in 2008 of 19 year old boy Abraham K. Biggs which was viewed on justin.tv. He took a fatal drug overdose in front of an Internet audience. Although some viewers contacted the web site to notify police, authorities did not reach his house in time.

In this news article, Webcam of son’s death appalls dad , Abraham Biggs Sr. said those who watched and the Web site operators share some blame in his 19-year-old son’s death.

“I think they are all equally wrong,” he said. “It’s a person’s life that we’re talking about. And as a human being, you don’t watch someone in trouble and sit back and just watch.”

I know for a fact that these kids were taught to report any suicide thoughts of their peers to their teacher or school authorities. For some reason, they did not take him seriously because he had threatened suicide on the site before but this is actually a clue already. Most suicidal people give warning signs in the hope that they will be rescued, because they are intent on stopping their emotional pain, not on dying. But not many know that.

My heart goes out to the father.

“It’s a shame I wasn’t there to help him. It’s a big loss to me. I wish I was there to help him–since nobody else would.”

If parents of suicide victims only knew that their children would kill themselves, I am sure they would have done all they can to save their lives. Suicide is a significant cause of death in many western countries, in some cases exceeding deaths by motor vehicle accidents annually.

I have met a few parents who lost their children to suicide and never did they imagine that their child would kill themselves. They often ask themselves ” How could I have prevented it? or I didn’t know”

If you are a parent, you can read through this Suicide Prevention page.

Typical warning signs which are often exhibited by people who are feeling suicidal include:

    – Withdrawing from friends and family.
    – Depression, broadly speaking; not necessarily a diagnosable mental illness
    such as clinical depression, but indicated by signs such as:
    – Loss of interest in usual activities.
    – Showing signs of sadness, hopelessness, irritability.
    – Changes in appetite, weight, behavior, level of activity or
    sleep patterns.
    – Loss of energy.
    – Making negative comments about self.
    – Recurring suicidal thoughts or fantasies.
    – Sudden change from extreme depression to being `at peace’ (may
    indicate that they have decided to attempt suicide).
    – Talking, Writing or Hinting about suicide.
    – Previous attempts.
    – Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.
    – Purposefully putting personal affairs in order:
    – Giving away possessions.
    – Sudden intense interest in personal wills or life insurance.
    – `Clearing the air’ over personal incidents from the past.

The presence of one or more of these warning signs is not intended as a guarantee that the person is suicidal: the only way to know for sure is to ask them.

I hope the boy’s death is not in vain. The boy’s father believes the webcast was a cry for help.

“But rather than get help, he was ignored,” Biggs said. “I would not want to see anything like that on the Internet and not try and get help for that young man. I think that’s what the average person would do. Any normal person would do. I’m really appalled.”

An average person really does not know when a suicide is about to happen. If most of us knew, then there would have been very minimal suicide deaths.

Somehow, I hope my Suicide Prevention page can help save a life in the future.

A final word: if you have a suicidal friend or family member, please don’t use the line Kasalanan yan (Thinking about suicide is a sin). The suicidal person needs medical help NOW. NOT a lecture, please.

Suicide prevention is everybody’s business. Suicide should no longer be considered a taboo topic, and that through raising awareness and educating the public, we can SAVE lives.

Suicide Prevention Hotline Numbers

USA Suicide Prevention hotline
In an emergency, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK

Philippine Suicide Prevention Hotline

Office Address: 2/F, 48 McKinley Road, North Forbes Park, Makati City, Metro Manila, Philippines
Office Phones: +63 2 8931893 /8106233
Fax: +63 2 8931892
Website: www.in-touch.org
E-mail: intouch@i-manila.com.ph
Crisis Line: +63 2 8937603 /+63 2 8937606 (24/7)
Mobile Text messaging: type hello crisisline and send to 2333 (Globe) or 211 (Smart)

Video , Reactions & Snippets: Homily, Tribute and Eulogy for Secretary Robredo #SalamatJesse

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“There is sadness in parting, but it should fill us with new hope.” – Fr. Ambrose

Fr. Kulandairaj Ambrose of Missionaries of the Poor delivered a beautiful homily for Secretary Robredo. I like this quote the most “Sec. Jesse passed away doing what he loved the most, going home.”

Here are some snippets which I culled from @piahontiveros and others from twitter. You can also watch the video below from @ancalerts:

Some quotable quotes from his homily:

“Ninoy said the Filipino is worthdyingfor. Today, another great Filipino, SecJesse hasshown every Filipino is worth dying for.”

I met Jesse 20 years ago. 2 things impressed me about Mayor Jesse. He was a MAN OF THE FAMILY and a MAN OF THE POOR.

“Why me? When Atty Leni asked if I would celebrate the mass? A simple missionary priest…

“I am a priest of the missionaries of the poor from Jamaica.”

“I speak in behalf of the tsinelas people.”

Typhoon Reming, 2006. I was shocked when the Mayor’s car drove into our center. He came to find out if everyone was safe.

He was always there for us.He was there whenever we needed him. and even when we didn’t need him.

Who is the other woman in the life of Mayor Jesse, Bicolanos?? Ina! Viva la Virgen!

The VOPs. The very ordinary people. His “inclusivist” attitude.

to the family: in you we see Sec Jesse’s spirit of humility.

He was there for you. He was there for me. He was there for everyone. We all felt appreciated by Sec. Jesse.

in you we see Sec Jesse’s spirit of humility.

Sec. Jesse passed away doing what he loved the most, going home.

There is sadness in parting, but it should fill us with new hope.”

And finally, Atty. Leni Robredo speaks after accepting Legion of Honor for Sec. Robredo

Atty Leni Robredo says ” Maybe for him, it was the perfect end for a life well-lived.”

We are devastated by your loss but even as we grieve we will continue to live because your spirit lives with us

“I will not say goodbye because I know that you will never leave us. You are home now. We will love you forever.”

You are home now, where you truly belong. Rest now, we will love you forever.

Here are some heartfelt reactions on twitter.

Global Debate WISDOM: “What can the world do to stop bullying?”

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A few weeks ago, Japan Broadcasting Corporation , a TV and Online program on NHK, contacted me to participate on their monthly international debate program called “Global Debate WISDOM”. This month’s topic is about “What can the world do to stop bullying?”. I agreed to join this volunteer interview and let the Japanese audience hear my advice .

It is a fact that school Bullying is a world common problem. So far, we have seen so many different approaches and programs to end bullying. But yet, there is no perfect solution to end bullying since there are still millions of kids suffering from daily bullying at school and outside the school.

Last October, a middle school student in Shiga prefecture in Japan committed suicide after going through the intense bullying that included “practicing a suicide (choking a neck)” and “practicing a funeral”. After a boy killed
himself, school and educational board denied the fact that there were bullying. It created a huge social upheaval after many students testified that there was a bullying. By this incident, the Japanese public rediscovered the untrustworthiness in the school system in Japan.

NHK gave me the link to the Movie list interview and these two videos.

Video 1
Many US states have enacted a law that bans bullying and makes schools and teachers fully responsible for bringing in anti-bullying measures. Who should be ultimately responsible for establishing policies against bullying?

Video 2

To prevent bullying at schools, what measures should schools and teachers take?

NHK is going to introduce a part of my movie in their TV show tonight Saturday, August 25 Part1 22:00 – 22:50 and Part2 23:00 – 23:49 (JST). It is a LIVE show, so they apologize in advance if the VTRs cannot be played due to unavoidable circumstances.

Please check the timetables of broadcasts for Japan and overseas:
http://www.nhk.or.jp/wisdom/onair_en.html

Words of comfort for the bereaved

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Grief is in the news once again. Once in a blue moon (hopefully not often enough), you may encounter a friend or relative reeling in pain because they lost someone. It can be an awkward situation if you don’t know what to do or not do. There really are no words to convey how sorry you feel or show how you feel. But there are words that can hurt and will not help at all. Having been 7 years with the Compassionate friends , a grief support group…the most common complaint that I hear from bereaved parents is the insensitive comments that they have to hear in the early days of grief.

You have to remember their loss is devastating so the bereaved is a bit more sensitive.

Their grief is so fresh.

The pain is raw.

How does one comfort a newly bereaved parent? One of our mission in The Compassionate Friends is… to provide information to help others be supportive.

Let me give you a few examples of words that don’t help the newly bereaved. A lot have been written about words of comfort from other bereavement sites but others are also culled from experience. A compilation of some hurting words were based on a recent meeting of members of the Compassionate Friends.

It’s God’s will.
( Don’t they understand that I can’t accept this as God’s will? I have so many questions at this point of my grief)

Buti ka pa, may anghel ka na (Good thing you have an angel)
(Don’t they understand that I’d rather have my child with me.)

He’s in a better place.
( This is the better place. With me)

God needed another flower in His garden.
( What about MY garden?!)

She’s better off now/not in any pain
(Don’t they know I remember the pain my child might have suffered before she died?)

Your child wouldn’t want you to be so sad.
( How do you know?)

Magkaanak ka pa ( you will have another child)
(Maybe, but no one can replace my child.)

If there’s anything I can do, let me know.
(Can’t they understand that my mind is so numb I can’t even think of what needs to be done?)

Come on, get over his death already. Hope you get over the pain of his death.
( As if we can close the chapter of a child we loved dearly.)

Bakit malungkot ka pa? Pinaghirpan mo lang sarili mo (Why are you sad? You’re just making it difficult for yourself.)
(uhh… I don’t know … maybe it’s because my child died.)

Of course these wonderful, concerned, well-meaning friends don’t know. They can only guess how the newly bereaved feel. They haven’t personally known (thank God) the disbelief, the shock, the anger of losing a child. Instead of bringing relief, those words just seem to add to the hurt and the grief. There are no words that will make it all right that someone we loved has died. But there are words that can soothe the hurt, ease the loneliness and add to the healing.

Some words that might probably bring comfort are:

“I’m here and I don’t have a clue as to how to help, but I’m here, and together we’ll figure this thing out.”

““I know you must be hurting terribly. You had such a good life together, the pain must be awful. You need to express your anger, your frustration. I know it must be hard for you to believe that God is a loving God who will support you through this horrible tragedy.”

“Grieve well. One day you will cease to remember him with tears and instead remember him with smiles.”

In the end, words don’t take away the pain. It only eases the pain. Let them tell their story . Talk about their child. If they don’t want to talk, it’s alright to just be there. Sometimes saying nothing, giving a hug or holding their hand can bring comfort.

(For more information on how to help , here are some articles I’ve compiled on Helping Bereaved Family members.)

Articles on Coping with Grief during the Holidays
Helping bereaved parents
Handling the Holidays
How To Help Yourself Through The Holidays
Do I Celebrate the Holidays or Not?

RIP Sec. Robredo. May your good work inspire others to do more good. #SalamatSecJesse

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““They say love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies.” ~ William Penn

I know it was bound to happen. Nobody wanted to lose hope until the wreckage was found.

When I tuned in to ANC news, the face of Sec Mar Roxas told it all. At 7:45 AM, the fuselage was found with unidentified bodies in it. Mar Roxas brought the bad news slowly. His voice was filled with emotion when he announced that at 8:15 AM, the body of Secretary Robredo was clearly identified.

It is a sad day. The Philippines lost a good man. As TJ Manotoc said it in Twitter “Rest In Peace Sec Robredo. May your work inspire a generation to continue to serve this country full of heart & integrity just like you did”

Sec Robredo reminds me so much of my beloved brother Ruben who died so young too.

Let me share an email I received a few minutes after:

I had been praying that he survived the crash, just like millions of Filipinos did. But this morning, we lost the one honest and competent government official that this administration had.

I have never shed a tear for any government official or politician, not even during Ninoy Aquino’s death. But this morning, I shed tears for Sec. Robredo. I grieve for the many good things he could have done for the Filipinos.

He was 54 years old. May his soul be at peace and go straight to Heaven. May his family find comfort in the thought that he was a contemporary Filipino ‘hero’.

John Silva in facebook says it well “There was a good and upright man called Jesse. There will be others. Instead of mourning too long, let’s figure out what we can do to carry on his good work. ”

The Robredo family lost a family man, a father and a husband and so with the families of the pilots (Captain Jessup Bahinting and Nepalese flight student Kshitiz Chand)

Condolences, feelings of sadness now flood twitter. Tweeps share their condolences and give thanks to Sec. Robredo with the hashtag #SalamatSecJesse

Living with ambiguous loss

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I was four months pregnant in 1985 with my eldest child when I heard the devastating news that my father suffered a serious stroke at the age of 55 years old. Being in Manila while dad was in Cebu, I didn’t know if he’d recover from the massive stroke. I took a leave from work and flew to Cebu, crying all the way to the airport. I thought dad was going to die anytime soon so I needed to be there.

Dad did recover but he was not the father I knew. He had a foul temper. The stroke left him with a speech impairment called aphasia. He had difficulty expressing himself or comprehending spoken words. Words he spewed out could not be understood. When he meant a thousand pesos, he’s blurt out “A million pesos”. The good news was he could understand written words.

Looking at my once active father reduced to a frail man depressed me. I felt my father died because his personality changed. When a loved one dies, we mourn our loss and learn to move on with our new life soon after the funeral. Rituals of letting go help us in coping with the loss. Tears are shared during the wake. A eulogy helps us treasure memories. There are the anniversary dates to celebrate in the coming years. In the normal process of loss through death, most of us are able to support a bereaved friend or family member and help them find closure over their loss.

Ambiguous loss

Ambiguous loss is defined as ” the uncertainty that occurs when people must deal with the unresolvable physical or mental absence of a family member. ” According to social scientist Pauline Boss , there are “two kinds of ambiguity according to Boss. One kind is where the body is missing, as in a plane crash, and the other kind is where the mind is gone, as in Alzheimer’s disease.”

My dad was not struck with mental illness . The serious stroke that left him with a speech disability and at times his mental faculties appeared to be gone at times. We all experienced a loss of the dad we once knew. My siblings and I were left to cope with learning how to live with a father “who is physically present, but psychologically and emotionally different”. The question that often lurked in my mind was “What social rituals exist to deal with this loss that is so real, yet so difficult to grasp?”

I saw for myself how the number of “friends” slowly drifted apart. Dad was just too difficult to understand. Perhaps they did not have the patience to understand him. The few remaining friends (bless them) were always around when dad called for a birthday celebration or a small party at home. One indeed knows their friends when we are at our lowest.

Our energies were now focused on understanding aphasia and learning how to teach my father on how to communicate with us through written words instead of verbal communication.

This ‘ambiguous loss’ I felt in witnessing my dad grapple with his speech was mainly the loss of dealing with his ability to speak and coping with the pain of how his friends slowly left him. Feelings of sadness, anger and uncertainty overwhelmed me. I hovered between the hope and hopelessness of dad’s situation. Dad was there but not really there.

I never knew how my father felt but one thing he taught us was that there is life after a speech disability. While we coped with our ambiguous loss, dad helped us deal with it by learning to live a new life. This life now revolved around his grandchildren and our bakeshop, activities he would be too busy to handle if he were still an active businessman.

Dad lived for 18 more years after he suffered a stroke.

Most of us may face “everyday life and catastrophic versions of ambiguity”. For instance, family members may be mentally absent because they are busy with their computer work or addicted with computer games. The unncertainty is ” the stress of not knowing if a member is in or out of the family.”

Where is Robredo?

Now I see it in the news. The family members are dealing with the uncertainty of Sec. Robredo’s whereabouts. There is a feeling of hope and hopelessness because there is no closure yet. The nature of the loss is such that there is no possibility of closure or completion. No body has been found. At this point, presence of friends is comforting. Prayers offer consolation not only for the family members but for those who loved him. After posting the prayers of tweeps in BlogWatch.tv, I can see how concerned the citizens are over the safety of Sec. Robredo and the two pilots. It is the third day and hope is dimming fast.

Today I can only offer prayers of hope and a miracle.