Celebrating life

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“Though life is not as it was before,
And never will be again,
Our memories are much richer,
Than if love had never been.”
— Author Unknown

Luijoe would have been 18 years old yesterday (July 13) but in my mind and in my heart, he will always be that cute and impish six year old boy. I cannot imagine him as an 18 year old. I can only surmise he would be more handsome than his father with his dusky skin color and deep-set eyes. Would he have a girlfriend? Would he still be close to me? Would he be driving me around? I shake this thoughts off as I went through the day first tweeting about the Bishops’ appearance at the Senate and making plans for the rest of the day.

His 18th birth anniversary is celebrated just like any family celebration with a cake, simple lunch or dinner with noodles for long life. Yes, Luijoe is still very much a part of the family. It was lunch at a Thai restaurant. The only difference is we bought flowers at our suki in Market Market. Bringing a bag of candles, lavender incense and folding chairs, my husband and I placed a basket of flowers at his resting place. A tear glistened on one eye as a wave of memories suddenly flashed before me. I ponder at how I survived the past 11 years . As I always say, it is unimaginable. I managed to survive the unthinkable. I share these reflections to those that have lost a child, or even a loved one on how time eased the pain.

““Time marches on” is the old cliché. It does march on with fury and determination, but some things stay the same. Luijoe’s seat is still empty at the dinner table. His bed (yes we still have a room for him) is still not slept in. The sound of Luijoe’s laughter is only in our memories. His photo is framed beside our family gallery but it stays the same while everyone else’s ages. But time marches on no matter how much we wish we could go back in time to the days when these were common occurrences.


““Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” Mother Theresa“

I managed to move along with time. In the early days it was a real conscious struggle to keep my friends. I like it when friends mention my son’s name: Luijoe.

Even if the name is mentioned in Twitter. They touch my heart in that “special place” where Luijoe is alive. They validate my child’s existence. To have someone mention our child is truly a gift to a bereaved parent like myself.

Yes , I still may cry a bit on his birthday, as I long for the sight of my beautiful son but I also know that now more of those tears will be for the joy of knowing him.

Let me share this tribute from Nancy Rothstein to commemorate the 21st birthday of her son, Josh, who was tragically killed when he was 15.

To treasured family, friends and all with whom this message is shared, may we continue to honor Luijoe by celebrating life:

1. Smile. Smiling makes you and those around you feel good. If you don’t feel good, a smile can trick your brain into feeling better.

2. Eat ice cream.

3. Run on the beach. If you can’t physically do this, use your imagination.

4. Call someone who is ill or lonely. Listen to their story. Take the time. Tell them your story, if they ask.

5. Listen to music that touches your heart and soul.

6. Sing in the shower, or out loud if you are comfortable.

7. Visit the grave of a loved one and celebrate your continued BREATH. And tell your loved one what’s on your mind.

8. Play with a dog.

9. Thank yourself for putting up with all the things about yourself that drive you nuts! Activate your sense of humor!

10. Apologize to someone you have wronged in any way.

11. Take a day, or even a few hours, ““off” to do something you always want to do but never take the time to do.

12. Eat something you never indulge in (unless allergic!) and savor every bite….slowly. No guilt permitted!

13. Re-watch your favorite funny or happy movie in your most comfortable clothes.

14. Make plans with 2 friends that you are crazy about but never see…near or far away.

15. Go outdoors to a natural setting. Sit. Close your eyes. Listen to the world. It’s all an extension of you! Your breath connects you intrinsically to the world.

16. Laugh. Do something fun or silly that evokes laughter. It has been said that laughter is God’s sunshine.

17. Place this list in an envelope and revisit it periodically to see how you are celebrating YOURSELF! If you are good to yourself, you can be much better to those around you.

18. Go to your heart and make all your decisions from there; and all will be well.

19. Follow the path that matters.

20. Believe and feel the change you want to see and you will BE the change you envision.

21. ….Yet you must know that in the end, it is LOVE’s garden you must tend.

You are what you tweet

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“Most bloggers who rise above the clutter are quite often prolific . They work hard, not just writing content but networking, engaging in Social Media and more.” Darren Rowse, problogger.net

Let’s face it . Social Media is pretty much a part of our lives. Whether one is young or prime time like me, those social media tools catch up on us. Don’t you find yourselves speaking social media lingo without even knowing it at times? After a photo shoot, you can hear your friend say “tag me in facebook, okay?”. Soon it will be “google plus” me later.

There is nothing like bringing one’s online community offline. This is what we did for Blog Watch , our citizen journalism community. Social Media day was last June 30 and we completely forgot to make plans for the day. Well, it is never too late to celebrate it and make plans for the future.

Blog Watch has been around since September 2009, almost two years now . We are slowly making our mark in digital activism and it is about time to expand our coverage and reach out to more netizens .

I barely write about it in this blog since the time my presidential candidate lost. You will recall Blog Watch introduced live streaming in its citizen media coverage . We were the first to use curation tools such as storify.net to gather news from different social media sources.

  1. Interviewed seven (7) presidential candidates in the May 10, 2010 elections
  2. Interviewed some senatorial candidates, congressional candidates and a few local candidates
  3. Covered the first Inaugural of President Aquino, first media coverage of the Aquino administration
  4. Stories that traditional media picked up from our twitter timeline and that first broke off in Twitter

There are many lessons and quotes in social media I learned in the last two years especially in Twitter. Starting out with only 500 followers in September 2009, I now have 7100 plus followers because they wanted to hear about news not found in tri-media. Compared to big media networks and celebrities, the number is a drop in the bucket. The numbers do not matter. Let me tell you how it is.

1. Influence is not about popularity.

2. It is not the number of followers or fans that matters. Think about what to achieve with and through the community who cares about your goals.

3. “Facebook is for people you used to know. Twitter is for people you want to know.” Author Unknown

4. Find the key issues that concern your audience and this will easily get them to be engaged with you. “You are what you tweet.” – Alex Tew

5. Credibility is all you’ve got. Be consistent and fair.
Nils Montan says “ATA be AUTHENCTIC, be TRANSPARENT, be ALTRUISTIC, and you will find enough success in Social Media to have a satisfying career and experience.”

6. “Focus on how to be social, not on how to do social.” Jay Baer
Be conversational, engaged and true to yourself.

7. “Build it, nurture it, engage them, and they may come and stay”. Seth Godin

It is great to be in a community composed of people with diverse interests yet share a love of country , and trying to make President Aquino’s administration succeed. Social media is just a tool we use to achieve this.

“Live to Love and Love to Live! Relationship is everything in the Social Media world”

Celebrating Philippine-American Friendship day

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July 4 marked Philippine Independence day at one point in my childhood days. The move to June 12 confused me for some time until I knew more about Philippine history.

I pondered over Ambassador Harry K. Thomas Jr. remarks at the US Independence day celebration held at the US Embassy reception hall.

Today we celebrate not only the birth of the United States as a nation, but also Philippine-American Friendship. This is a special day when we remember our history and our duty; our families, near and far; and our responsibilities as Americans at home and abroad. In other words, it’s a day when we reflect on what it truly means to be an American.

We, Filipinos are connected to the Americans in many ways. US is home to many Filipinos. Most of us have relatives or friends living in the US.

I reflect about being a Filipino with family members who are American citizens and doing quite well in the US. My younger sister , recently got appointed as the Mayor of the City of Hercules, CA. My brother is a neurologist in Missouri and got awarded as the best teacher by his students. My eldest sister, Lorna works with the Filipino-American community. They have their reasons for choosing to live in America just as I have reasons to remain a Filipino citizen living in the Philippines.

July 4 is meaningful to three family members out of 5 siblings who have made America their permanent residence. It makes sense for my sister and myself to travel to the USA for family reunions and hold board meetings.

I do not know what it means to be an American. The friendships and family ties between Filipinos and Americans are close to my heart. I may never understand what it means to be an American but I see it in the actions that my family members give back to America and the Philippines. It has been said that it is the love of country that lights and keeps glowing the holy fire of patriotism.

Ambassador Thomas adds what it means to be a friend to the Philippines. ” We are powered by our relationships—by our friendship with great nations like the Philippines, with whom we share historic ties and strong bonds of friendship and family. We are driven by our commitment to liberty and our knowledge that our friends are entitled to our protection and our loyalty when they are in peril. We are powered by our devotion to peace, and our drive to find solutions, not divisions.”

US Independence day celebration spent yesterday night at the US embassy gave me an insight on how best to commemorate Freedom day. With tents on the embassy grounds, it felt like one huge party with red-white and blue decors. “You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism “, Erma Bombeck once said.

I definitely agree with Ambassador Thomas as he closes his speech by asking everyone “to recognize that what truly defines us as Americans and as Filipinos is not the ability to stand for one ideal or value, but to work together for a better tomorrow for all of our children and grandchildren. ”

For the love of my children and children’s children, I will always strive to be an empowered Filipino citizen and hope for a better tomorrow for our cuontry.

Celebrating the Rizal in me

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“It’s a useless life that is not concentrated to a great ideal. It’s like a stone wasted on the field without becoming a part of any edifice.” Jose Rizal

I braved the rains and drove all the way to Fort Santiago in my period costume to celebrate Jose Rizal’s 150th birthday. Celebrating Rizal’s 150th birth anniversary is not just a one day affair or even a year-long sesquicentennial festivities.

The organizers decided to call this celebration ““MY RIZAL” as it “engages all of us to be a part of what JOSE RIZAL stood for. It invites us to internalize a version of RIZAL in our own personal lives. It inspires us to feel the hero in each one of us, and to follow RIZAL’s footsteps in his true love for country.”

I look at the Rizal in me. Just like some of the bloggers and social media users that joined me in Fort Santiago, each of us have our own advocacy and ideals.

In my role as a blogger and editor of Blog Watch, I call out the societal evils such as environmental destruction and child abuse. I hold President Aquino accountable for his campaign promises. I believe in the promise and unwavering passion of the youth. I am sure Jose Rizal will also fight for the passage of the Reproductive Health Bill (RH Bill).

Most of all, love of country is what I am fighting for. Who wouldn’t want a good future for their children, and children’s children. I still cannot understand why corrupt officials exist. Why do they think only of themselves? It is a long and difficult road to fighting corruption and poverty. But if we call upon ourselves to check our government and talk about it, we have gained something.

Rizal’s ideals, as exemplified by his life, his works and his heroism, are universal. They live in each one of us in many ways.

We can live Rizal now.

“Filipinos don’t realize that victory is the child of struggle, that joy blossoms from suffering, and redemption is a product of sacrifice.”- Jose Rizal

The true beginning of a life of meaning

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My 54th birthday happened three days ago but I only made my birthday wish yesterday night. I wished for good health , love and peace. Something I always do every year. Hope springs eternal. It is good to be thankful for what I have in life and what I have accomplished.

As I get older and wiser (of course), I look at my birthday as a chance to celebrate and give gratitude , to reflect upon how I have been achieving my mission in life. It is one reason I spent the past few days attending meaningful events that matter to me.

““Love is what matters; gender is not important” gives an important message for all LGBT people at the reception dinner in honor of LGBT Pride Month hosted by US Ambassador Harry K. Thomas Jr.

“One Mission. One Planet. Change for the future begins with seven thousand” the goal of Project 7000.

There is no better way to celebrate my birthday than to commit a special act of goodness. It is not enough for me to say ” Thank you for another year in life” . This year I will continue what I have been accomplishing the past years but this time I will do something different, something that I have never done last year , that is to be part of the advocacy in protecting our environment. It is wonderful to do good but more than that, this is my way of expressing my thanks for being born and alive. What is life without a healthy place to live in? How worthy are my causes if my children and their children won’t have a nurturing environment?

I hope you can all join me celebrate life by making a pledge to this new initiative Project 7000. which I am part of.

One Mission. One Planet. Change for the future begins with seven thousand.

Please join me as we make a pledge to protect our environment. It starts with a single pledge that is lived and shared with others to create a change for a promising future. Our journey begins now.

Second photo by Lazlo Lim.

LGBT kids and teens: Tomorrow Will Be Better

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We are all different, but we must embrace and respect our differences. We must come together through the very emotion that makes us human: love. US Ambassador Harry K. Thomas Jr.at at the LGBT Pride Month Reception

What a long but productive day. I treated my family for lunch in celebration of my 54th birthday because I wanted to attend the dinner reception of US Ambassador Henry K. Thomas Jr. in honor of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Pride Month in the USA. President Barrack Obama proclaimed June 2011 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. It is about time our country also take initiative to stop the hate and homophobic attitude. Last year, I was shocked and saddened by the suicides by young American kids who were bullied for being gay. I often wonder the extent of our Filipino LGBT kids who suffer bullying. Is our school system supportive? Is our society even supportive?

The US administration is taking steps to engage with LGBT communities even outside the USA. The Philippines can certainly learn a thing or two here.

The message is important. The Ambassador started off his speech with “I am gay.

I am gay.

I am gay.

Three little words.

Six letters.

Three syllables.

It is not a phrase that trips the tongue. It is not a phrase that should take lifetimes to utter.”

One need not be ashamed to say if one is gay, or lesbian . There is no need for condemnation. There has been so much discrimination on the basis of gender identity and bullying on young LGBT kids. President Obama adds that ” No one should be harmed because of who they are or who they love, and my Administration has mobilized unprecedented public commitments from countries around the world to join in the fight against hate and homophobia.”

I cannot imagine how many LGBT kids and teens hide their sexuality for fear of bullying. “Without other openly gay adults and mentors in their lives, they can’t imagine what their future may hold. In many instances, gay and lesbian adolescents are taunted — even tortured — simply for being themselves.”

I approached the ambassador for a photo op after the reception. After all, I gave up dinner celebration to attend his reception at his Makati residence. Ambassador Thomas laughed at my request and thought I should have given a dinner blowout instead of him.

But guess what? I celebrated with Melo Esguerra whose birthday is also June 14 and Harold Geronimo who celebrated a day before.

Now lying in bed, I read through the message of President Obama and searched for more information on US support of LGBT. What struck me most is the “It gets better project”. While many of these teens couldn’t see a positive future for themselves the, “It Gets Better Project” was created to show young LGBT people the levels of happiness, potential, and positivity their lives will reach – if they can just get through their teen years.

Maybe one day, a similar initiative can be organized to help our LGBT kids and remind teenagers in the LGBT community that they are not alone — and it WILL get better.

To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die

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No one ever really dies as long as they took the time to leave us with fond memories. ~Chris Sorensen


Rina used to baby sit my daughter since we were neighbors anyway.

When death comes without warning, the shock and disbelief can be overwhelming. When I received the news of my first cousin’s death a week ago. I just had to make sure my aunt sent me the message correctly. It was a sudden death. Rina is one of my closest cousins despite the eight year age gap. We were neighbors for 18 years before moving to Makati in 1998. The circumstances behind her death is a mystery which will soon unfold a few weeks from now.

At the memorial, one of her friends shared that she was afraid that her family will forget her memory. Rina need not worry about that. Death may have taken her away but the love and memory remains forever in our hearts and mind.

“Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ”


My cousin with her mom and sister during my Silver wedding celebration May 2010

The memory of her sweet smiles and laughter will always have a place in my heart. It is this same memory that causes so much pain in our hearts when someone we love dies. As Kahlil Gibran said “When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ”

In time, all those Rina left behind will discover that grief is the price we pay for love. We will then find comfort on those precious memories and cherish them. Remember first that Rina lived, not that she died. I want to remember her life, not just her death!

But yes, it is okay to cry. It does relieve the pain. One should never be afraid to cry. Remember there would be no flowers unless there was some rain.

To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell, “Hallowed Ground”

The ocean is a mighty harmonist

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““I have always loved the beach. The smell of the salty water, the wind in my face, the gentle roar of the waves all combine to create a sense of peace and calm.” –Anonymous

I grew up in Cebu, surrounded by blue skies, sunny smiles and the deep blue sea. The beach was always a family activity every weekend. No ritzy mall or entertainment centers during my childhood days circa early 1960 to distract me. The picnic by the sea is what I called fun. Mom prepared a picnic basket containing our lunch of roasted chicken and apple pie and it was off to the most popular beach destination, Talisay just 20 minutes away.

There was just something magical at the beach. Time doesn’t move hour to hour but mood to moment. It is as if I live by the currents, plan by the tides and follow the sun. The beach is probably the only place children actually entertain themselves without parents having to think of million ways to distract them.

Perhaps my dad noticed these frequent trips and decided to buy a small property near the beach in Talisay and in Mactan Island. How we loved the bahay kubo nestled under the coconut tree.

College years brought me further away from Cebu. Being based in Manila, the beach was just too far away to travel even once a month. I miss the memories of joy in a summer breeze and sinking my toes in the sand.

I often tell my children these stories ..how as college students, we would just get to the car and travel to the beach. The pretty little fishes swimming by the sea shore. How fascinating it was to spot the sea horse or sand dollar during low tides.

Everyone in our family returns to the beach instinctively, just like the sea turtles. Robert Henri asks himself, ““Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think.”

Each one of us looks at the sea differently. For me, the sea represents my roots. Appreciating its beauty, breadth and power is appreciating my existence, who I am and why I am here. Like the ocean, all of us are connected and interdependent yet each person is significant in its existence. Even John F. Kennedy felt tied to the ocean. “And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch – we are going back from whence we came… ”

““Just as the wave cannot exist for itself, but is ever a part of the heaving surface of the ocean, so must I never live my life for itself, but always in the experience which is going on around me.”
–Albert Schweitzer

““We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”
–Mother Teresa


Photo of El Nido by Anna Oposa

““Our memories of the ocean will linger on, long after our footprints in the sand are gone.”
–Anonymous

Let us all act now to save our seas, what’s left of our coral reefs and to protect our marine life so those beautiful and important natural resources are preserved for our children and future generations to enjoy.

Join Blog Action Day on June 8. Details here.
Save the Philippine Seas!
The ocean is a mighty harmonist… (William Wordsworth)

A letter from heaven

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My husband watching a boy picking sea shells by the beach front in Boracay. I knew he was thinking of Luijoe.

A few days before our trip to Boracay, I wrote a A letter to my son in heaven on his Angel date, May 27. This recent vacation to Boracay affirms that our son is closer to us than ever before. He has been beside us all these years.

Let me share one of the first grief poems a few weeks after we buried Luijoe. After all the friends have condoled with you, one is left alone to grieve. Now reading this “A letter from heaven” poem eleven years after his death, I see the words that inspired me to move on with my new life. I forgot all about this poem. These words may have been subliminal but it played a big role in my healing journey. If you have lost a child, this poem may give you some measure of comfort. The words didn’t really strike a chord at first. I remember wailing “but I want my Luijoe here beside me, bugging me with his toys.”

Just keep reading this “A letter from heaven” until it becomes part of your process.

And so, as I contemplate the western horizon of my life, I think of my son with exquisite sadness and profound gratitude. He evoked in me a capacity for love I did not know I had. Those feelings did not die with him, nor will they, I pray, die with me. – Gordon Livingston

A Letter from Heaven

Playing with sand, an hour before Luijoe went to heaven

To my dearest family
Some things I’d like to say,
But first of all to let you know
That I arrived okay.

I’m writing you from Heaven
Where I dwell with God above,
Where there’s no more tears or sadness
There is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy
Just because I’m out of sight,
Remember that I’m with you
Every morning, noon, and night.


Luijoe staring at the small fishes by the shore.

That day I had to leave you
When my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me
And He said, “I welcome you”.

“It’s good to have you back again
You were missed while you were gone,
As for your dearest family
They’ll be here later on.”

“I need you here so badly
As part of My big plan,
There’s so much that we have to do
To help our mortal man.”


The task we face is to create with our new selves something that, in some measure redeems our suffering.

Then God gave me a list of things
He wished for me to do,
And foremost on that list of mine
Is to watch and care for you.

And I will be beside you
Every day and week and year,
And when you’re sad I’m standing there
To wipe away that tear.

And when you lie in bed at night
The days chores put to flight,
God and I are closest to you
In the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth
And all those loving years,
Because you’re only human
They are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry
It does relieve the pain,
Remember there would be no flowers
Unless there was some rain.


My husband and Luijoe by the sea just a few hours before Luijoe went to heaven.

I wish that I could tell you
Of all that God has planned,
But if I were to tell you
You wouldn’t understand.

But one thing is for certain
Though my life on earth is o’er,
I am closer to you now
Than I ever was before.

And to my very dearest friends
Trust God for He knows best,
I’m still not far away from you
I’m just beyond the crest.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you
And many hills to climb,
But together we can do it
Taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy
And I’d like it for you too,
That as you give unto the world
So the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody
Who’s in sorrow or in pain,
Then you can say to God at night
My day was not in vain.

And now I am contented
That my life… it was worthwhile,
Knowing as I passed along the way
I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody
Who is down and feeling low,
Just lend a hand to pick him up
As on your way you go.


We have been humbled but not broken.

When you are walking down the street
And you’ve got me on your mind,
I’m walking in your footsteps
Only half a step behind.

And when you feel that gentle breeze
Or the wind upon your face,
That’s me giving you a great big hug
Or just a soft embrace.

And when it’s time for you to go
From that body to be free,
Remember you’re not going…
You are coming here to me!

And I will always love you
From that land way up above,
I’ll be in touch again soon
P.S….God sends His love.

I am so sorry….but, remember….God knows best!
My prayers and thoughts are with you always.
I love you more than you will ever know
(Unknown author)


We see, always with longing, children who remind us of what our child was or would be now.