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The Grief of Lisa Marie Presley

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal.
~From a headstone in Ireland

Lisa Marie Presley is obviously in grief. She is devastated. In her heart-wrenching blog entry, He Knew, Lisa is gutted and feels like she could have done more for her ex-husband, Michael Jackson.

14 years later I am sitting here watching on the news an ambulance leaves the driveway of his home, the big gates, the crowds outside the gates, the coverage, the crowds outside the hospital, the Cause of death and what may have led up to it and the memory of this conversation hit me, as did the unstoppable tears.

A predicted ending by him, by loved ones and by me, but what I didn’t predict was how much it was going to hurt when it finally happened.

The person I failed to help is being transferred right now to the LA County Coroners office for his Autopsy.

All of my indifference and detachment that I worked so hard to achieve over the years has just gone into the bowels of hell and right now I am gutted.

I am going to say now what I have never said before because I want the truth out there for once.

Our relationship was not “a sham” as is being reported in the press. It was an unusual relationship yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a “Normal life” found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much.

I wanted to “save him” I wanted to save him from the inevitable which is what has just happened.

His family and his loved ones also wanted to save him from this as well but didn’t know how and this was 14 years ago. We all worried that this would be the outcome then.

At that time, In trying to save him, I almost lost myself.

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Michael Jackson, Never Can Say Goodbye

Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye?
~Author Unknown


The Michael Jackson I knew, loved and grew with during my teen years in the seventies

Screaming headlines are plastered all over. Michael Jackson, pop music legend, dead at 50. Michael Jackson, an icon of my generation. How we often played the music of the Jackson 5 during high school parties in the Martial Law years. I had all his records from Got To Be There, Ben, Music and Me, Forever Michael and even played some songs in the Yamaha organ or piano. I am one of his fans. The Michael Jackson in the seventies. I am saddened of his death because he played an important role in my youth, you know those moments when his music just lifted my spirits. They were my comfort songs during those days when being a teen was just rough ranging from unrequited (puppy) love, strict parents and snooty high school batchmates.

I’m aware that Michael Jackson has been known to be a weirdo and child molester who changed his skin color and appearance into that of a white woman. I don’t fully understand the circumstances of this strange shift in his looks. His looks have changed indeed but his music is there for keeps.

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Justice for Ruby Rose Barrameda-Jimenez


Image courtesy of Pedestrian Observer

Ruby Rose’s death was just so shocking that it took me many days before I woke up from my stupor to blog about it. Her death was just too gruesome that even a seasoned police investigator found it difficult to describe the circumstances on how Ruby Rose was handcuffed and gagged with packaging tape before being strangled with a steel wire and cemented in a drum, which was then sealed in a steel case and dropped in the waters off Navotas. Now how disturbing and horrifying can that description ever get? Yesterday, Ruby Rose was finally laid to rest. Her dad’s message just tore my heart out.

The grieving father, Roberto Barrameda, promised Ruby Rose that the family would continue to seek justice.

““We’re sorry that your daughters are not here to see you. But you must understand their situation right now,” Barrameda said in the direction of his daughter’s casket.

Hours before the burial, Judge Gloria Aglugub of Las Piñas Regional Trial Court Branch 254 denied the Barramedas’ petition to allow Ruby Rose’s children to visit the wake.

Judge Gloria Aglugub released a resolution denying the motion of Ruby Rose Barrameda-Jimenez kin to allow the children of the deceased to visit the wake based on ridiculous notion that the children were not willing to go to the wake. Oh come on!

I am so angry at the violent nature of her death and more so, when the judge denied her children from attending their mom’s funeral. Why are there so many legalities surrounding the custody of the children even at the time of the final resting rites? Despite the family rift, I know these kids love their mother and are grieving. Does taking away the kids’ right to their mom’s funeral protect them from further trauma? Sooner or later, Rose’s kids will know the real story behind their mom’s death.

The poor grieving children may not appear to be traumatized yet but they will surely re-experience or re-visit the loss every time they pass through a developmental stage. Grief and loss, when it takes place, cannot just be swept under the rug. Losing a mother is a real occurrence in a child’s world and we must allow that child to grieve. As adults and caregivers, we must do everything in our power to help them navigate that journey from sadness to hope. But does Rose’s father know that? or the judge?

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Grief and the Air France Crash

I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss. — Rita Mae Brown

My husband’s chartered flight kept circling around last friday for an hour. Visibility was zero at 4:00 PM. Lightning struck at that very moment amidst the dark gloomy weather surrounding the plane. His co-passengers freaked out and remembered the Air France crash. Fierce thunderstorms, lightning or a catastrophic combination are possible theories of the crash.

My husband is safe in my arms and I can’t help feeling grateful for his safety.

Yet I can’t help feeling sad for the Air France victims and their families.

Air France through a grief counselor told families of passengers on Flight 447 that the jetliner broke apart and they must abandon hope that anyone survived. Tearful relatives received counseling from a team of psychologists and doctors from Air France. It’s great that Air France provided grief counseling. Death due to a sudden or traumatic accident or disaster can raise a number of complex issues for the survivors. The grief process is often very different from an expected or anticipated death. An unexceptionally tragic event like the Air France crash can cause reactions such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on the part of the family members and many of these problems compound the grief response.

Miguela Jugueta, a seaman’s wife here in the Philippines is grieving and in denial which is a normal reaction to such a sudden death. ‘I won’t believe he’s dead until I have his body.’ Bong (Jugueta) is a good swimmer. He might have survived,”

She continues to add “I cannot do anything if this is the will of God, but I continue to hope he is still alive.”

I wonder if Air France provided Miguela and her family the resources for grief counseling as well.

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It has been 9 years….

I brought a child into the world and thought my life was complete.
I bowed my head and thanked the Lord for giving this child to me.
My dreams were of the future and of how my child would be,
Of how he would run and play games like hide-and-seek and always run back to me.
How could I live my life without my child – How could I possibly survive?
When the dreams I once had for my child were no longer alive?
heaven

Nine years have passed since Luijoe died. Another year marked off the calendar as we confront life without our precious child.

Anniversary dates stare out from the calendar. For most of us, the days of birth and death are the most prominent but so hard to acknowledge. The birthday that brought so much jubilation may now be but a fond and sometimes painfully wistful day of a “what might have been” memory. Then the lousiest day of the year, the day that is etched on some stone in the south of Manila, the day some of our sweetness left us forever. A reasonable amount of preparation in anticipation of this gloomy day and the empty sadness it brings doesn’t really help. We are aware about these death anniversary dates which I’d rather call the Angel date.

You see, our family members are more irritable, tempers fly and tears easily roll down. Then we remember that Luijoe’s death anniversary is nearing. Ah yes, even if we were prepared for it. It is like standing at the shores of despair looking out at the waves below the sunset that is so beautiful while signaling the end of the day. These waves of profound sadness can be relentless and the big one is coming on that date. This knowledge never seems capable of preventing the wave from smashing us into our lonely reality.

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Star Trek, Spock and Emotions

“How do you feel? … How do you feel? … How do you feel?” — Computer, “I do not understand the question.” — Spock, TVH

(Photo credits)

There I was at the living room, a 9 year old girl totally absorbed as I sat on the floor, watching Spock with his pointy ears. Star Trek to a child’s mind seemed totally out of this world. Elfin-eared Spock never failed to delight me every week. Hooked and fascinated by all the trek adventure, I watched Star Trek without fail till 1969 but never became a “trekkie”. For some reason, I never went back to it until today when I watched the Star Trek prequel. Sequels don’t interest me most of the time but a prequel, why not? I was interested to know the early days of the “Star Trek” mythology when Spock and Kirk, and the rest of the Enterprise gang, came together. Mr. Spock, one of Star Trek’s most beloved characters, held many memorable moments in both the original series and the Star Trek movies not because of his pointy ears alone.

I never really understood the Spock character then. The “Star Trek” lore is that Vulcans have long suppressed emotions because they are not logical. But Spock has always had to deal with the added pressures of his human side. What did I know about emotions? (Besides, kids were meant to be seen not heard. I digress) In the movie, I realized there is an obvious duality in Spock, in him being half human and half Vulcan. He exhibits internal struggle between Vulcan logic and human passion which I think is quite an interesting aspect of him as a character. I think Spock feels emotion very deeply but he’s just restricted in the ways that he can express it.

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I am not a Therapist or a Counselor

I am not a therapist.

I am not a sex therapist, either.

Neither am I a marriage counselor.

I lead a peer support group for grief recovery every 3rd saturday of the month. That’s about it.

Writing about recovery principles are the stuff that I learned because of my roller-coaster journey to a new life after the death of my son. Naturally, my family life, personal relationships and married life were all affected by this unspeakable tragedy. I came out like a new person, and now having the time of my life. I know some of you can also relate to my journey and it helps you because you see hope. You catch a glimpse of yourself in me but that’s about it. That’s the only help I can give unless it is about grief recovery.

I’d love to help but see, I can only help you if you’re my friend or have known you for some time. Sending me an email me won’t work out because it is only one side of the story. Any advice I’d give you will not be accurate.

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Deadly Swine Flu (H1N1) is Worrisome

“Ninety percent of the things we tend to worry about we have no control over, so why worry about them?” Author Unknown

A (H1N1) Influenza Booklet A (H1N1) Influenza Booklet Noemi Lardizabal-Dado Things to Know, Things to do . A UN publication

With the swine flu having already spread to at least six other countries, authorities around the globe are like firefighters battling a blaze without knowing how far it extends.

WHO spokesman Peter Cordingley singled out air travel as an easy way the virus could spread, noting that the WHO estimates that up to 500,000 people are on planes at any time.

Governments in Asia — with memories of previous flu outbreaks — were especially cautious. Singapore, Thailand, Japan, Indonesia and the Philippines dusted off thermal scanners used in the 2003 SARS crisis and were checking for signs of fever among passengers from North America. South Korea, India and Indonesia also announced screening.

Source : Deadly Swine Flu Spreads to Mideast, Asia

My husband has been worried sick of this Swine flu. Travel outside the Philippines is part of our graduation present to my daughter and she leaves on May 6. That’s all he talks these days during dinner time. It is natural for parents to worry but up to what degree?

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How to Let Go of the Past

““Losers live in the past. Winners learn from the past and enjoy working in the present toward the future.” Denis Waitley

I want you to read this and know that I have moved on a long time ago. I don’t hate you. I am not angry at you. Yes, once upon a time, I was hurt, angry and livid at you but I couldn’t allow a dark cloud to hover above my head. The anger was the final burst of energy before letting go settled in. I am aware I have faults but living in the past is not one of them. There’s no future in it. Why should I carry the burden of anger towards you? It is unhealthy. Holding on to the past is a waste of valuable energy, energy that can be used to transform myself into a better person, today and tomorrow. Energy used to attend to urgent issues. Energy used to help others in need.

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How would I know if someone I care about was contemplating suicide?

Suicide is very much in the news these days. A forensic expert who conducted an autopsy on Trina Etrong, wife of Ted Failon said that the contact wound on her temple indicates suicide. (Edit on April 22– A second autopsy points to suicide)

I ‘d like to point out that the Compassionate Friends refer to the death as ““died by suicide” or ““died of suicide” to replace the commonly used ““committed suicide” or ““completed suicide.” The phrases “Died of suicide” or “died by suicide” are accurate, emotionally- neutral ways to explain the death.

Suicide, no doubt, is the most misunderstood of all deaths and leaves behind a residue of questions, guilt, anger, second-guessing, and anxiety which, at least initially, is almost impossible to digest. Even though we know better, we’re still haunted by the feeling that suicide is the ultimate act of despair, a deed that somehow puts one outside the family of humanity, the mercy of God, and (in the past) the church’s burial grounds.

Let’s not be judgmental on people who died by suicide.

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a mom blogger who advocates constructive engagement in issues on family & society.
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