Multi-Sport Celebration in Memory of Gabriel

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Sometimes you never know where friendships lead you to. My friendship with Pia started when my husband and I went on a date with Pia and her then boyfriend/future husband, Butch (now legally separated), who happened to be my husband’s best friend during their Law school days. I never dreamed that the four of us would sit down literally under the mango tree and conceptualize the law office of Sebastian , Dado, Cruz and Batalla (now CASElaw). I was their first accountant while Pia was the Office Manager during the first months of operation as our husbands struggled to make ends meet. Our husbands were busy being the lawyers , of course.

Though we were not exactly as close as our two husbands were, Pia consoled me during the wake of my son and gave me grief reading resources. You know, there were not many people who were tactful and compassionate during those days. I felt comforted by her words. Who would have thought that two years later, our husbands would now share a maddening experience of losing an only son? And both us would have two surviving daughters. Gabriel, Pia and Butch’s son had a rare chromosomal disorder called trisomy 13.

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Justice for Cris Anthony Mendez

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cris_mendez.jpg
([tag]Cris Anthony Mendez[/tag] via his friendster account)

For the past days, my rollercoaster emotions got caught up with my own Justice for my son crusade. I will write about this soon. The news on the Hazing eyed in death of graduating UP student outraged and saddened me because it was a senseless death. (more news in here, here and Cris Mendez Dead, Justice for the Boy When?).

I knew the name of the fraternity even before the mainstream media picked it up. How? My husband is a frat man at the same campus and text messages circulated freely that Sigma Rho is suspected to be the fraternity behind the hazing. I asked my husband how could fraternities use this type of violent method to determine their qualified brods. Why can’t they just have non-physical initiation rites like implementing worthwhile projects? . My 2 girls overheard my suggestion and laughed “mom, this is a frat. It is not a macho thing to start projects”. What baffles me , how come, in this day and age, fraternities still find it necessary? It is barbaric.

Justice might have to wait as the Quezon City Police District Criminal Investigation and Detection Unit (QCPD-CIDU) claimed that Dr. Francisco Cruz who reportedly brought Cris Mendez to the Veterans Memorial Medical Center (VMMC) had gone into hiding.

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A Father’s Grief in Grief Share

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father's grief
It’s my husband’s turn to be featured on TV . For many years after my son’s death, my husband was inconsolable often in a depressed mode. In our “modern day” society it is especially difficult for fathers to grieve openly, caught in a catch 22 of how to express the deep pain they are experiencing. Men don’t cry, men do not emote, men do not hug (maybe at the funeral) men don’t go to support groups, men don’t call in sick because they are screaming inside, They are the man of the family. Fathers are the fix it guys, the protector, the strength and the rock the family needs for support. More often than not, people will ask a bereaved father “how is your wife doing? This must be extremely hard for her”.

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Rehabilitation Activity Through Music and Dance: Philippines Thriller

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cebu thriller.jpgIf you’re a Filipino, you might have watched in amusement , This Youtube video of 1,500+ Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center (CPDRC) inmates dancing to Thriller . When I asked my daughter if she’d seen it , her reply was “It’s so Pinoy”. Lorna, my sister thinks “Only in the Philippines” (read her entry ““Thriller!” – How Cebu’s CPDRC Inmates Rocked the World With An Awesome Rehabilitation Activity ). I am not surprised at this [tag]Thriller dance routine[/tag]. Maybe it’s Cebuano thing but I remember my parents always danced after dinner and we would dance along with them as well. Singing , Music and dance formed a huge part of my upbringing. I miss it so bad. Anyway, I digress.

The video reached more than a 2,300,000 views since uploaded by Byron Garcia ( Consultant on Security of the Cebu Provincial Government) on July 17, 2007 (originally uploaded last April) It’s so popular that ABC News picked up the story called Filipino Inmates do Thriller, Radio Gaga. The news covered reactions from Filipino-Americans as well as American counterparts in the criminal justice. One comment caught my eye:

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Grief Counselling for Harry Potter Readers and Fans?

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I have not read [tag]Harry Potter Book 7[/tag] ( [tag]Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows[/tag] ).

There are rumors suggesting that one or more main characters will die. A grief counsellor claims that these deaths could cause a serious impact on children.

a “certified grief counselor” is using the release of Harry Potter’s final book to pimp herself to the media, under the guise of helping parents and children deal with grief over the death of fictional characters. Because deaths are rumored to happen in Book 7, the press release states “This could have a serious impact on children, millions of whom have grown up reading, watching and profoundly enjoying the characters and storylines of the Harry Potter series.”

Source: via Harry Potter Grief Counseling?

and this bit of news from the UK

Meanwhile, parents in Britain have been told to prepare for grief counselling. The media is warning that for many young readers, Harry’s death could be as devastating as the death of a best friend, pet or even a relative. The Daily Telegraph reported last week that even child psychologists are getting into the act. It cited American child psychologist Michael Brody who has come up with a three-point bereavement plan to help parents comfort their mourning children.

Source: Will Harry Potter live or die?

Really now? I read the news out loud to M and she just laughed. “Mom, I cried when the mommy dinosaur died in The Land Before Time movie. I was way younger . I turned out fine.”

I can only roll my eyes at the obvious marketing ploy of some enterprising grief counsellors. Children are very resilient. Children who have gone as far as Book 7 know the characters are just make-believe. They can re-read the book over and over again to digest the loss of their favorite character .

The question is when does a child need a grief counsellor or any kind of professional help? or what are the signs that a parent need to watch over their child when they are faced with a loss of a favorite story character, a pet or a friend or family member?

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New Media Publishing

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Who knows what your blog or blogging can bring you? When I started out my blog in February 24, 2006, the main goal was to promote my advocacy, grief support in the Philippines. Along the way, I met bloggers who generously shared their wisdom and other possibilities in blogging. The benefits of blogging indeed spread the word on my advocacy and brought me new friendships and adventure beyond my wildest imagination. I often say this “The rest is icing on the cake”. Blogging also started my career as an independent problogger and lately [tag]new media[/tag] publishing which works alongside being a problogger.

In a way, I can look at blogging as my part of my new life, this new normal that bereaved parents often seek. In recovery, I learned to live, to enjoy my life and handle situations as they come. What blessings! What joy to live in this new and exciting life. It’s one big adventure.

My adventure into new media publishing started with Jayvee when I introduced myself as having a special niche to be qualified for that Globe-Innove meet with Bloggers. Yes, how “thick skinned” I was. But in life, if you don’t ask, you won’t get an answer. Jayvee could have said “No, you’re not. You’re ….blah blah” but well, he invited me. The first PR practitioner to build buzz marketing through blogs is Blooey Singson when she convinced Krispy Kreme to give doughnuts to bloggers. But Amor Maclang of of GeiserMaclang raised the bar further by inviting bloggers to PR events alongside traditional media during the Wagyu Beef Fest at the Diamond Hotel. Was it Annalyn or Jayvee who told me that Amor’s PR events are always crowded because of the fantastic production ? Her PR events are more like a show. My idea of a PR event is that media watch a video presentation, clap, eat, and run. Not until I attended the Wagyu Beef Fest anyway.

bloggersI was not disappointed with a second and third invite from Amor. This time , it was for CLEAR Anti-Dandruff Shampoo Product Launch held yesterday at the Renaissance Hotel (formerly New World Hotel) and tonight’s Diamond Indulgence Privilege Card of Diamond Hotel . Both launches were fabulous. Amor (and GeiserMaclang staff) produced a launch party for CLEAR complemented with a sumptuous buffet lunch . Jayvee, Aileen, Sasha, Juned and Dine attended this glamorous affair. Another opportunity to be together again!

Can you tell the difference between these two photos? (Enlarge by clicking on the photos if you need to)

before

The production effort clearly shows the concept of the product features. “Feel the difference after being inside the bubble”

How nifty! It felt like a children’s party with all those surprises at stake.

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The Victim Trap

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Is it true that life has to be hard and difficult? The belief that life has to be hard and difficult is the belief that makes a martyr.

Using each problems that cross our paths to prove that life is hard and we are helpless is being a codependent. It’s the victim trap.

We do have power even in the most difficult times. The difficult times don’t prove that life is bad. They are part of the ups and downs of life and often work out for the best. Take a look at this example.

I am humbled by Belle’s Humble Beginnings. I have known a long time ago that she came from humble beginnings but details of which I only read in her latest entry. The lovely Belle is mother to two gifted and beautiful girls , one of which is a Payson Roundup’s Young Woman of the Year while the other daughter received a “Student of the Year” and the ““Most Improved Student of the Year” from Kiwanis. What pride and joy for this mother who experienced extreme hardships just to finish her high school?

Who would have thought that once upon a time Belle would wake up early in the morning to give me an early start for a three-kilometer walk to school or earned at an early age the art of ““supnit”, I learned to fish in the swamp using agahid (fish net), I learned to plant young rice plant in the muddy fields (such a back breaking job!), plant and harvest camote, make tiniklad (nipa shingles), harvest rice in the wee hours of the morning, and so on and so.

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Flowers for Your Birthday

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flowersOne of my fondest memory of Luijoe are the wild flowers he gathered from the park . With eyes twinkling as he held out the flowers, he scrambled up to my lap , gave me a hug and smacked a wet kiss on my cheek while uttering I love you so very much, Mama. Today it’s my turn to get flowers for my boy because July 13 is his 14th birth anniversary. But who says there can’t be a birthday cake, birthday present, or a birthday party?

Death ended my child’s life but not his relationship with my family. Even if there is no birthday boy to celebrate his 14th birthday with, I know that a spritual bond exists between us. As I gaze at the lovely flowers I bought at the Market! Market!, I marvel at God’s creation on the beauty of life. It’s good to be alive and to have survived the past 7 years of this grief journey. True, my son might not be around but his memory lives in my heart. We can still celebrate his birth anniversary at home.

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The Lessons of Pain

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filipina
“Dear, if you google Sexy Filipina, I am on the first page.

“Whaaaaa?” My husband looked horrified.

Then I added “Try googling for Sexy Filipina Mom too and my blog is number 1″

I wasn’t about to see my husband choke on his coffee so , I quickly related about the Reshaping The Filipina Image Campaign through our blog entries.

“Isn’t it better for my blog to appear on the first page of those keywords instead of dating, mail order brides, exotic young Pinay babes or porno websites?

My husband agreed.

See, when I first read about the furor over the Sexy Mom internet handle, I thought it best to get over my disappointmet and turn it into a positive statement. The Smart and Sexy Mom herself wrote the entry, A Closure, A New Beginning–Reshaping the Online and Sexy Filipina Image.

That’s what I call turning a pain into something positive. There is a lesson when we are confronted with pain. Something big is being worked out in us.

There are an abundant of sources of pain in our life. Most of us grew up recovering from unresolved pain from the past. We have feelings sometimes from early childhood to the present that either hurt too much to feel or that we had no support to deal with.

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