On Death and Dying

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I am no stranger to death and dying. Let me count the ways:

  • 1976– My mother succumbed to breast cancer
  • 1990– My 28 year old brother, Reuben died from Fulminant Hepatitis A
  • 1999– Oscar, my 40 year old brother died of leukemia (AML- 6)
  • 2000– Luijoe died from accidental drowning at a beach resort in Cebu
  • 2003– Dad died of diabetes complications after being bedridden for 4 years.

Two of the above deaths were quite sudden without grief preparation of inevitable death unlike an illness where there is time to weep. I witnessed the dying and death of my mom, my son and my dad. The passing of our parents before us is a normal course in life. The passing of a young sibling and a child is not the normal course of events. It’s unimaginable.

Can you imagine the torment that the Mother Mary must have felt when she saw his dying son nailed to the cross?

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Financial Responsibility

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Maybe I am just stressed. Perhaps the stress added greatly to the crankiness factor. The thing is I absolutely abhor statements like “You can afford it. You are rich anyway”

Duh. True I am not exactly poor but I am not rolling in dough either. What is it with a Makati based address that assumes I have lots of money? This morning I went to a custom made furniture shop because my two lovely daughters wanted white themed bed frames for their room.Aside from the beds, I wanted to have new upholstery for my couch , white writing tables and a sofa bed made. For the past weeks, I have been scouring the local furniture stores for white bed frames but it seems every furniture designer prefer zen themed bed frames or using natural wood stain.

daybed.jpgicottage bed

My ears started to get warm. Why should I be charged more just because I “can afford” it? Furniture isn’t exactly like medical treatment where one gets socialized pricing in professional fees or hospitalization. So excuse me, I told her… just charge me a fair price. I sat there in disbelief as the owner continued to tease me about my imagined “wealth”. Some people are just so tacky you know? Why is it her business to know how much I bought my new home? She’s not even my friend or anything. My aunt just recommended her since her shop is just so near the village. Her statements weren’t funny yet I managed to politely correct her and say that I am financially responsible.

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Heaven is a Real Place

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heavenAlmost 7 years ago, my adorable son sat beside me while I worked on my computer.

With both hands planted firmly on my cheeks, he asked, ““Where is Heaven? Are the clouds heaven?”

Unsure of the answer, I mustered to say something based on what I learned from my Grade school [tag]Religion[/tag] subject…

““I’m not sure if the clouds are heaven, but it’s somewhere up there and hell is down there,” I said, kissing his fat cheeks.

Luijoe asked all of these questions two weeks before his untimely death.

What a lame answer! I wish I knew more what heaven is like.

Luijoe never tired of asking the same questions over and over again, as though reassuring himself that there were angels that protected him and that heaven was a beautiful place to go when someone died.

As I wrote in the book , Fallen Cradle, it seemed that my son was preparing himself for heaven even fearful he would go to hell because like any little boy, he could also be naughty.

““I don’t want to go to hell,” he hugged me.

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Kris Aquino and Hope Centeno are not Victims

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kris.jpgThe other woman, Hope Centeno wept and claimed she might be pregnant with James Yap’s kid . ““I also deserve the same sympathy as Kris” from the public. The 7 month pregnant [tag]Kris Aquino[/tag] just checked out of the hospital and minced no words. ““How dare you say sorry to me?” Kris scolded Hope. She then went on to blame Hope for her ““false labor” and subsequent hospitalization last Thursday.”

My jaw dropped as Kris lamented that “an innocent baby ” is at stake. “How dare you say sorry to me now after you endangered a defenseless child?” and added “You just want to ruin us,” “You attempted to steal my husband. You forgot I am seven months pregnant.”

and the other woman, [tag]Hope Centeno[/tag] “I don’t know if I can find another job. I am ruined. My only sin is that I loved James. I wish I was not judged,” she said, dabbing a piece of tissue paper at her eyes and nose.

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Ten Ways to Getting Through Hard Times

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twins.jpgA footage from “Joined for Life: Abby and Brittany Turn 16” via The Learning Channel can truly inspire us during our deepest darkest despair. “Abigail and Brittany Hensel (born 7 March 1990, United States), are dicephalic [tag]conjoined twins[/tag]. Brittany is the left twin, and Abigail is the right twin. They have two spines which join at the pelvis. They have two stomachs, three lungs, and two arms. ” They are intelligent, energetic, fun-loving girls who just happen to share one set of legs and one set of arms – each girl controlling one half of their conjoined body.

Abigail and Brittany narrate their top ten list of interests since they turned 11. Despite the obstacles , they are able to drive, shop, attend high school which any “normal” teenager would love to do. After watching their video, I am amazed to see their wonderful positive attitude and their ability to live a normal life. Of course, they are probably adapted to their bodies.

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Anna Nicole Smith’s Death

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anna nicole smithMy heart goes out to Anna Nicole Smith. In death, she is still in the spotlight. [tag]Anna Nicole Smith[/tag]’s Death remains a mystery as of press time. The medical examiner says her death was “sudden, unexpected and unexplained. Upon hearing of [tag]Anna Nicole Smith’s death[/tag], the first thing that entered my mind was her grief over the loss of her son, Danny five months ago. The reality of child loss is devastating to a mother. There are overwhelming feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and most often feelings of failure. These feelings can overwhelm a mother for several months following the death of a child, and it can be quite difficult to build a support system to carry a mother through this roller coaster of emotions.

I have known bereaved parents who numb their pain through alcohol or drugs. So the second thing that entered my mind was did she die from drug overdose, alcohol or both?

Though Anna Nicole monopolized the gaudy, gossipy celebrity stage in life and in death, I can truly relate to her pain.

I don’t drink alcohol but during the early months of my grief, I just wanted to numb the pain. My doctor recommended anxiety pills but I refused. All I could think of is ” Stop my heart from hurting, please. ”

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Street Dancing Traffic Cop

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traffic_enforcer.jpg
Meet Traffic Enforcer Noel Quilatan. Every morning on my way to the gym at The Fort, Taguig City, Noel is a sight to behold amidst the magnificent skyscrapers in the background. His cheery disposition lifts my spirits for the day and revs me up for my daily workout. You will find the Noel at the intersection of Mckinely Road, Makati and 5th ave of the Global City. What makes this traffic enforcer different ? Well for one, his traffic signals are choreographed to his own rhythm. It’s unlike other robotic traffic cops you see waving hand signals here and there. He executes slick dance steps unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. Second, his sunny smile beams all day after hours and hours of dancing to the tune of traffic stop and go.

My husband surmises that Noel might be crazy. His reasoning “How can anyone smile all day handling Manila traffic with the tropical heat hitting on you? One has to be crazy to beat all that.” That got me thinking. Is Noel crazy? Or does Noel just have high endorphin levels? Or is he just enjoying his job? And again, I remember a series in Grey’s Anatomy where a woman was found to have high endorphins due to a brain tumor. I brushed my husband’s theory aside. Maybe he is just born with a positive spirit.

Noel is quite popular with the Makati and The Fort residents that he even got featured in Ms. Vicky Morales “Wish ko Lang”, a wish giving show. Surrounded by stuffed toys given by generous motorists, Noel’s wish was to see his mother whom he hadn’t seen in years. Noel could have asked for material gifts but he preferred to be with his mom. With tears streaming down his cheeks, Noel’s wish was granted.

I wish I had taken a video of Noel’s dancing moves . Here are a few photos posted by European websites:
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New Year Goals

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new year goalsMy sister in San Francisco greeted me a Happy New Year then asked me “so what are your New Year goals?”. My goals are etched somewhere in the crevices of my brain but I hadn’t written it down in paper. I realize now that I needed to write down my goals, as an affirmation of myself, my life, and my ability to choose. Then I let it go. New Year goals are something we need to dig within and discover what we would like to happen in our life this year. It is an affirmation that we are interested in living life in the year to come. Goals give us focus. Goals give our life direction.

So the questions evolved. What would I like to attain? Where would I like to go? What would I like to happen in my marriage and family life? I have to remember that I am not out to control others with my goals but rather giving direction to my life. So I continue on pondering. What problems would I like to be solved? What decisions would I like to make? What would I like to happen in my business?

These are my goals for 2007

1. Start the construction of our new home by February.
2. Move in to our new home before the year 2007 ends.
3. Attain my desired weight of 125 pounds.
4. Have an ever closer relationship to God.
5. Develop membership responsibilities in The Compassionate Friends.

6. Start research on “brick and mortar” business.
7. Create more high income-generating blogs or redefine my current blog niche.
8. Encourage my 2 girls to be the best they can become.
9. Be more loving to my husband . (more loving than ever, hehe)
10. Expand or promote my webhosting business to starter businesses.
11. Treat my husband and myself to a trip abroad.

I will continue to write my goals regularly as needed.

Things may happen that are not within our control. Sometimes these events are happy surprises and sometimes they are of another nature. The year 2007 looms before us like another chapter in a book just waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals. We will do it not to control but to do our part in living our life.

Hey, I even had my goals published in the papers:

newspaper
Thank you

Coping and Surviving Christmas

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last christmas
(Luijoe’s last Christmas in 1999, Baguio City)

Christmas is a special time of year. Although shiny decorations and twinkling lights are the window dressing for this exciting festivity, it is the warmth and love of family and friends that make the holiday season so memorable. However, it can be a painful time for those experiencing the recent loss of a loved one. It must be hard for the newly bereaved family members who lost Anne Sherina only last Monday, December 18, 2006. Anne Sherina died of “pulmonary affliction due to Dengue Shock Syndrome”. Grief in Christmas is doubly daunting for this family.

So when ABS-CBN “Salamat Doc” called me up to guest live for tomorrow’s Christmas Eve 6:00 AM episode, I didn’t hesitate. Though my busy schedule was full, I made room for this show. I know there are a lot of newly bereaved and seasoned grievers who are still coping with the difficulties of the holidays. My heart sometimes still echoes with emptiness as I roll out the gingerbread dough or hang the Christmas Angel cookies near Luijoe’s Memorial shrine. I think that hurt will always be with me, but now I know it only as a momentary ache – not like the first year when grief drowned over me in huge waves, each new wave hurling me deeper and deeper into despair.

My husband and I have walked that difficult road every Christmas.

The staff took a VTR of how I coped with Christmas through the years. I showed Luijoe’s memorial table, his memory box, toys, books and all the angel decors of our family den. I thought that my husband would buckle down in tears because he has never opened Luijoe’s photo album in years. The staff told us to sift through Luijoe’s photos. This VTR is indeed therapy for my husband. Knowing we are helping others gives us the courage to share our story, on how we coped and survived. We want to show that love isn’t something that ends with death.

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The Christmas Wishlist and Giving

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christmas-giftsAs a young child, my wonderful dad aka Santa Claus often asked me and my siblings to list down the things we wanted for Christmas. Beside the “must-have” item in my [tag]wish list[/tag] is a star which means, “You have to buy this dad”. My wish list comprised of at least 10 items in it . Dad bought 3 items from that list. There is something about opening many little gifts that brings sparkle to a child’s innocent eyes. It’s magical. Years later as a mom, I did the same thing to my precocious children and asked for their “[tag]Christmas Wish List[/tag]”. I said my budget is nothing more than 5,000 pesos in total. In the course of the year, I dish out presents that surpass 5,000 pesos anyway. Christmas is not the only occasion they receive gifts. If a daughter earns good grades, she gets a special gift. If they have birthdays, I also shower them with their desired gift. Christmas is just another excuse to receive gifts and I am not about to spend a lot. Or so I thought. L and M gave me their wish list. It wasn’t a list. Look at what I got:

1. L’s wish list

– Distortion pedal
– Plane ticket out of the Philippines

2. M’s wish list

– MOTORAZR V3x in Pumpkin Color: the 2nd of 5 Motorola Kikay Phones
– all of the above.

See, it’s not even a list “list”. I have a limited selection. They are expensive except for L’s distortion pedal which fits the budget range. It’s M’s first time to ask for a new cellphone. Her Nokia 6600 was stolen a year ago and it’s my policy that if you lose something, you don’t get a replacement until a year after. A few days later, L tells me she wants the guitar effects pedal which is over 5000 pesos. And as we all know, a ticket to the USA cost 50,000 pesos. I perused over the list and thought out loud Uh, no ticket this year. Perhaps the guitar effects pedal for L and a new flip top phone for M which doesn’t have to be Motorola. I don’t like the brand Motorola.

Then I ask my husband’s wish list. He goes:

“A new home”

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