Good-bye Mang Dolphy, the Comedy King

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““They say love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies.” ~ William Penn

I grew up with the Puruntong-Jones family in my teens, laughing my head off during the darkest years of Martial Law. A few minutes of laughter can really lift one’s mood. Though just a teen, I was very much aware of the political condition but I refused to dampen my spirits. From Mang John Puruntong, Kevin Kosme, Pacifica Palayfay , watching comedy shows was a diversion from my troubled thoughts. Laughter does help relieve stress. I carry laughter with me wherever I go.

Tonight, the sad news of a man who brought laughter into our household passed away at 8:34 PM. The Comedy King Dolphy died at the age of 83. I knew Dolphy suffered pneumonia for last couple of months. No matter how much one is prepared for the death of a loved one, it still hits hard. The pain that comes along with the grief starts crushing to the core is just excruciating.

My condolences to the Quizon family.

There are just no words of comfort to console you right now but the Filipino people who have been warmed by his comedy are grieving with you. We pray the love of God enfolds you during your difficult times and helps you heal with the passage of time.

The time will come when the pain will not be so bad that his memory will once again bring a smile to your lips. What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us. And you should always know, wherever you may go, no matter where you are, Mang Dolphy will never be far away.

As I always say over and over again, my loved ones are always in my heart. They are alive in my heart and my memories.

““To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” ~Thomas Campbell

May the peace which comes from the memories of love shared, comfort you now and in the days ahead.

Photo via Inquirer

Greatest Love of All popularized by Whitney Houston

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“I believe that children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside.”

Whitney Houston was pronounced dead at 3:55 p.m. (6:55 p.m. ET) Saturday at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, California.

It is such devastating news to her fans. Indeed she was such an amazing talent. Her influence can be heard on a generation of young singers who cite her as an inspiration, from Mariah Carey, Brandy and Monica to Christina Aguilera and Beyonce.

“She had the perfect voice, and the perfect image: a gorgeous singer who had sex appeal but was never overtly sexual, who maintained perfect poise.”

The cause of her death is still unknown.

Towards the end of her career she was known to be a drug user. Her album sales dropped. “Her once serene image was shattered by a wild demeanor and bizarre public appearances. She confessed to abusing cocaine, marijuana and pills, and her once pristine voice became raspy and hoarse, unable to hit the high notes as she had during her prime.”

I will never forget this memorable song as its lyrics ring true to me. The “Greatest love of all” was the lullaby song I crooned to my babies twenty something years ago to make them fall asleep.

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

[Chorus:]
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

Yakapin: Batang Hilagang Mindanao (YBHM)

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Think of one bear as one smile, one hug – one young life given joy and love this Christmas. Two thousand years ago, a child was (and is) the reason why we celebrate the most important holiday of the year.” Cathy Babao

How can one even begin to comprehend the loss of lives now reaching 1400 dead and missing in Northern Mindanao due to Tropical Storm Sendong . Imagine the grim statistics:

1. At least 19,759 families or 108,130 persons are affected by the calamity according to the National Disaster Risk Response Management Council (NDRRMC).

2. UNICEF Philippines estimates that 43,000 children are affected by the calamity.

Residents were caught unaware as the floods rose rapidly at around 2 a.m. Saturday, while they were sleeping. Many of the victims were recovered in mud.

When you hear this kind of news, one begins to ask is there a silver lining to all this? It may not be apparent yet but silver lining for the TS Sendong victims is collecting stuffed toys for the children and toiletries for the women affected by the wrath of Typhoon Sendong.

You ask “not slippers, clothes, water?”..Yes they need all that too and I am sure everyone else is donating whatever they can. It’s good to feel empathy, post, forward donation centers and contact numbers — but it’s another thing to take action. The simplest would be to TEXT 2899 with the message RED (amount you wish to give 100, 200, 500, 1000) and the funds will go directly to Red Cross. There are a hundred ways to take action, and mine is collating credible sources of donation in kind and in cash.

My friend Cathy (my co-founder of our grief advocacy, The Compassionate Friends) shows another way through Yakapin: Batang Hilagang Mindanao (YBHM) . Let me explain first.

See, children in trauma experience a lot of nightmares. The power of a hug, or something that they can hug cannot be underestimated. I took part in Cathy’s project five years ago when she initiated the “Thousand Bears for Bicol Project”. It was also around Christmas time too. You cannot simply imagine the joy the children felt when they received these teddy bears.

Cathy contacted the Regional Missionaries of the Philippines -Northern Mindanao Region after she spotted a poignant poster of a father with his child on a friend’s wall. She took that as her cue. Under their wing in Cagayan de Oro and Iligan are thousands of displaced women and children. This is Cathy’s small way of helping out. This is something that she had done before which is to collect stuffed toys for the children in the evacuation centers and to put together toiletry kits for the women affected by Sendong.

How to donate to the children

Here are the simple guidelines :

1. For stuffed toys please send clean, friendly looking toys (no pigs please, owing to cultural and religious sensitivities) in any size ideally, big enough for a child to hug.

2. For toiletry kits, each bag will contain the following items : toothbrush, tooth paste, soap, sanitary napkins (10 pcs), comb or brush, underwear (2 pcs) face towel, laundry soap — just the basics so the women can also take care of themselves as they take care of their children.

If you wish to help, please email her at cathybabao@gmail.com

Cathy plans to assemble the toys and goods throughout the holidays and deliver them to CDO just before the new year. She will need volunteers for drop off points in various parts of QC, San Juan, Pasig, Pasay, Makati, and Alabang. If you wish to volunteer your homes, establishments or offices as drop off points, please send me an email.

Please see a list of areas for drop-off here

Alabang – 12 Brentwood Street, Hillsborough, West Service Road, Alabang Look for Magding or JC

Greenhills : 33 Madison Street, North Greenhills, San Juan. Look for Ann or Shirley

Asuncion Berenguer, Inc. 3/f Homestudio Building, 63 Connecticut Street (same building as Homestudio, Torch resto and Bose) Northeast Greenhills . Please leave with guard and indicate ““Bears for YBHM”

Makati — The Citadel Inn, 5007 P. Burgos Street, Makati City c/o Andre Urbina

Marikina: 1 Ferdinand Marcos Street, Industrial Valley Subdivision, Marikina Leave with guard please indicate ““Bears for YBHM”

Paranaque — Johnson and Johnson, Edison Road, Paranaque City (Edison is street by Zuellig) Leave with guard, indicate ““Bears for YBHM”

14 C. Diamond Street. Greenheights Village Sucat Paranaqueque Look for Yaya Marlene

Quezon City: A-2 Dona Sotera, Pilarville Subd.,Quezon City c/o Dennis Mariano
41 Milkyway Drive, Blue Ridge B, Quezon City Look for Lily

C1C3 Narra Heights Condominium #28, Mariposa Street, Quezon City (near Camp Crame)

Eastwood area : Unit 5c Eastwood Lafayette Tower 3, Eastwood Avenue Libis Q.C (In front of Watsons, near Mcdonalds) Leave with guard indicate ““Bears for YBHM”

Let us all do our small share to help Northern Mindanao.

Every bear or stuffed toy that arrives matters because it counts towards making one more child happy. To share and to give is the true essence of the season.

A new and soft teddy bear costs about as much as a Starbucks frapuccino or a ticket to the cinema — a small price that will go a long way in bringing back hope and a smile into a child’s life.
May you all be blessed to be a blessing to others.

The forgotten father- grief after abortion is real

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(Disclaimer: This entry tackles grief education. I do not pass judgement on whether the circumstances are true or not or on the motives of Mo Twister for telling this story.)

There is video of Mo Twister that is going viral on the internet. The video claims ex-girlfriend Rhian Ramos “got rid of our baby” in Singapore last year. Mo Twister recorded this video for himself a year ago so he refers to himself as “you”.

The transcript is as follows: (I am placing bold on those parts where he is grieving over the abortion)

Its 28th of July 2010, First time I’m doing this. I don’t event know why. Um, Maybe one day you’ll watch this. Just remember how horrible of a day it is. You’re in Singapore, You’ve been crying all evening because tomorrow morning, You and Rhian will go to the hospital here and get rid our baby. It doesn’t matter naman what I think about it because this was her choiice. I don’t know how long you’ll keep this as a souvenir, but this is the test (Whisper) This is wrong. This is the hardest thing (Crying) This is the hardest thing you’ve gone through before and you’ve gone through so much. And we have to blame our jobs for this?

This industry that judges you for these things. This business has made her believe that we have to take the life of our own child because no one will forgive her for this. That this job will ruin her, so we agreed that we’d come here and get it done. Because you love her and you just want her to be okay. Its not like Rhian is having an easy time with this too. Its hard on all of us. She said one day we will see this again. And maybe our jobs will be a little bit easier and more accepting about it. One day you’ll look at this video, 20 years from now, I don’t even know if you will still be together and it will still hurt. It will still hurt like hell. (Crying) You’ll be sorry for this your whole life. I’ll be sorry for this my whole life. Im sorry for the bad choice we are about to make. Its hard for both of us.

Its July 28, 2010 and I’m sitting inside the hotel. The Ritz-Carlton in Singapore and we’ve been fighting all night about this. I’m doing my best to try to kep you safe. And all this fighting is taking a toll on us. I wish we could have this child. I don’t want to do this. This job is so difficult. Its so difficult. I’m so sorry. I’ll be sorry forever. Again, one day you’ll watch this. Maybe when you’re an old man. You’ll remember how difficult today was. And I hope you watch this and I hope by that time, I’ll be married and I’ll have a family that I can try to make it up to. You’re going to do something really wrong today. I’m sorry for that. This is business is so so hard. This business is so hard on its employees. I guess all bussinesses are. I don’t know. It’s our fault I know. We can’t really blame our jobs because other people did it. But um, I understand.”

I will not dwell on the circumstances of their relationship and the topic on abortion. Assuming this is true, my main focus is on understanding the grief after abortion, on the helplessness that Mo felt in that video and in his tweets the past few days.

Tweets on abortion

Mo Twister Talks About ‘Abortion’ on Twitter, Rhian Ramos on ‘Juicy!:

On November 16, Mo Twister posted a question on twitter :

““I have a question about abortion. Should the girl ask the guy what his thoughts are and should he have a chance to stand up for the baby?”

The following day, he tweeted:

““Because no amount of inconvenience could ever justify treating the supreme creation of God with murderous contempt.”

On November 19, Mo uploaded a screen capture of ““abortion” in his Tumblr account and encircled the word ““monstrosity” .

He also posted the following on Twitter on the same day:

““young child, dont ever think you were never good enough. you just had no choice in the matter.”

Empty feeling : The Effects of Abortion on Men

I have seen reactions in Twitter that questioned Mo Twister motives for uploading the video. I will not dwell into that but rather on emotions following an abortion.

The father of an aborted baby is often known as the forgotten father. Mo Twister is the forgotten father who had no choice in this decision. Three out of four males said they had a difficult time with the abortion experience. Some have even reported having persistant day and night dreams about the child that never was, and considerable guilt, remorse and sadness. For men and women alike, the feeling of emptieness may last a lifetime, for parents are parents forever, even of a dead child.

In the only book on abortion and men, Shostak describes male abortion pain as the loss of fatherhood and a “wound you cannot see or feel, but it exists” (A. Shostak, Abortion & Men: Lessons, Losses & Love, N.Y.: Praeger, 1984). In interviewing 1000 men, Shostak found:

1. abortion is a “death experience” and for most men more emotionally trying than they expected

2. the most common post-abortion reaction was helplessness;

3. men who are not helped to mourn over an abortion are learning how to be even less involved as nurturant parents in the future; and

4. the majority of relationships failed post-abortion.

There is an empty feeling.

“Some men are so wounded by their abortion role that they abort their own lives. I have treated women whose partners committed suicide because they couldn’t escape hearing the relentless little voices that kept saying: “Daddy, Daddy, please don’t let me die.” And for the man who stands up and opposes an abortion, under the law he has no legal recourse and cannot defend his child’s right to life. His grief is punctuated with impotency and feelings of helplessness. Words are just not enough to prevent his child’s death.”


Dealing with the grief

The motives of uploading the video is questioned. Was it maliciously done? I would never know but you can see the intense emotion when the video was produced. I felt Mo was powerless to save the life of his unborn child.

One father whose child died from abortion described his grief this way: “I wasn’t in the room; I wasn’t even in the clinic that day. But in my mind, I’ve been there a million times since. I’ve been there watching, breaking, wanting to rescue you. In my mind I need to be a hero not a killer, the man who didn’t flee. But I am not. I am the man I fear I see.”

Mo Twister faces the same torment in an interview with Juicy:

I’ll be honest. I’m sick of crying on TV, and everyone you read on the Internet na Si Mo, parang babae, umiiyak. But if you understand how grave and personal, important, ang nangyari sa amin, maiiyak ka rin araw-araw. Yun ‘yong nabubuwisit ako sa mga tao kapag sinasabi nila na dapat mag-move on ka na, babae lang ‘yan. Yung mga hirit na ‘yan, doon ako medyo nagagalit kasi hindi nila naiintindihan na it’s not about a girl. It’s not about moving on. Ang daming kong girlfriends before. I mean, I had three…five relationships prior to Rhian—and I understand the process of moving on. But I’ve never experienced this trauma. I’ve never experienced these hardships. I left ten years ago this very week, so medyo weird nga. I don’t want to be negative like, O, si Mo parang nagpapaawa or nagpapa-sympathy sa public. I don’t care for anyone’s opinion,” he added.

Men do grieve following abortion. It is that feeling of helplessness you see in the video where Mo cries that he can’t seem to do anything.

“Whether or not the male was involved in the abortion decision, his inability to function in a socially prescribed manner, i.e., to protect and provide, leaves him wounded and confused. Abortion rewrites the rules of masculinity. While a male is expected to be strong, abortion makes him feel weak. A male is expected to be responsible, yet abortion encourages him to act without concern for the innocent and to destroy any identifiable and undesirable outcomes of his sexual decision-making and/or attachments. A male is expected to protect, but by law he is encouraged to do otherwise.”

It took Mo more than a year to talk about this “abortion”. Perhaps he could no longer bear the pain and the guilt. Or it was just an accident that someone uploaded the video.

Based on the video and the tweets, I felt that Mo was bewildered and frustrated over this devastating experience. He is definitely grieving the loss of their baby just like the other “forgotten fathers”.

Killing hurts the living too. It knows no gender bias.

Let’s be gentle towards the forgotten father.

Two years after the Ampatuan Massacre, and still no justice? #endimpunityinPH #kilosna #IDEI #Nov23

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If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. ~ Desmond Tutu

I can’t believe it’s been two years since that gruesome Ampatuan Massacre hit me like a bolt of lightning. Shock, dismay and utter disbelief. Outrageous! I condemned the brutality through social media and a blog post over at Blog Watch.

maguindanao-massacre
Photo Credits to Reuter
View Slideshow of Other Photos (Warning: very graphic)

Today I feel the same. Utter disbelief that only two Ampatuans have been arraigned. Only 93 of the 196 accused have been arrested. The 300 and 320 witnesses listed by prosecution and defense lawyers respectively may take 200 years to present to court, according to veteran human rights lawyer and litigator Senator Joker Arroyo.

200 years? Unbelievable.

Why is justice painfully slow? Can’t Judge Jocelyn Solis-Reyes of the Quezon City Regional Trial Court Branch 221 do anything to speed up the process?

I believe the Supreme Court who has jurisdiction over the hearings can do something to speed up the trial.

1. Can’t the least guilty (drivers, police who were forced to be at the crime sceme) bargain for lesser penalty or become state witness? Make a statement to be used against the other.

2. DOJ Secretary De Lima needs to focus on the Ampatuan trial. Give more resources to Quezon City Regional Trial Court Branch 221.

3. Why not fix the government’s Witness Protection Program (WPP) which have been contributing to the delay of the trial.

4. Whatever happened to the four of the accused who have applied for witness conversion but were denied by the Quezon City Regional Trial Court? Can’t they be reconsidered?

5. Can we have daily hearings? Ignore the complaints of the Ampatuan lawyers on the over thrice-weekly hearings.

6. Judge Jocelyn Solis-Reyes should not handle any other cases so she can concentrate fully on the documents and the hearing.

Meanwhile the families of the 58 Ampatuan massacre victims – mostly Mindanao based-journalists, continue to suffer from the loss of their loved ones, most were family breadwinners.

I don’t know the intricacies of the Court but I hope the Department of Justice will also focus on the Ampatuan trial and NOT be fixated over the Arroyo election sabotage case?

But you , my dear readers can help. I would like to invite you to use the power of communication and the Internet to speak out for justice and against the continued impunity with which those who wish to suppress freedom of expression impose the ultimate censorship – death – and how the apathy and inaction of government has made this so.

Here is how:

You may use the following materials to join the online campaign for the International Day to End Impunity (IDEI) Blog Action Day on November 21.

Use the hastags #endimpunityinPH #kilosna #IDEI #Nov23 for the campaign.

This is my contribution for Blog Action Day initiated by the Center for Media Freedom and Responsibility, and the National Union of Journalists of the Philippines as part of the countdown for the International Day to End Impunity on Nov. 23, the second anniversary of the Maguindanao Massacre.

Justice to Journalists/Media Workers killed in the line of duty as of Nov. 10, 2011

CMFR List of Filipino Journalists/Media Workers killed in the line of duty as of Nov. 10, 2011

How could 18 bystanders ignore the 2-Year-Old girl that got ran over by a van?

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Watching Yue Yuem , the injured child on the street is too painful..and all those people seemed just heartless to me. The greatest tragedy aside from the first van hitting the child is how 18 bystanders just walked past by.

The synopsis:

Synopsis: October 13th afternoon around 5:30, a car accident occurred at the Guangfo Hardware Market in Huangqi of Foshan. A van hit a 2-year-old little girl and then fled. No passersby reached out to help and then another car ran over her. Over the span of 7 minutes, a total of 17 people passing by failed to extend a hand or call the police, up until the 19th person, a garbage scavenger ayi [older woman], who lifted her up after discovering her but the little girl in her arms was like a noodle, immediately collapsing back onto the ground. The trash scavenger ayi called for help, and the little girl’s mother, who was in the vicinity, immediately rushed over and rushed her to the hospital.The news report video above has been viewed nearly 700k times on popular Chinese video-sharing website Youku since it was uploaded 17 hours ago and currently has over 6200 comments spanning 210 pages. This story is also spreading on China’s popular microblogging service Sina Weibo in addition to receiving a lot of views and comments on China’s major internet news portals and communities.

In addition to showing the little girl, Yue Yuem being run over twice and many of the bystanders who didn’t stop to help her, it also shows that Yue Yue is currently in the hospital in critical condition. Police have already found the second driver but have yet to find the first driver as they were unable to read the first van’s license plate and are calling upon witnesses for help. Yue Yue’s parents are also shown.

This is the video.

WARNING: shocking

The girl passed away in the hospital due to serious injury.

The question is why did these people not stop? A comment in this site may explain :

It isn’t ignoring, it’s not daring. If one were to encounter a Nanjing judge, one would be screwed.

[Note: “Nanjing judge” refers to the infamous 2006 case of a man named Peng Yu who helped a woman to the hospital after she had fallen only to have the old woman accuse him of knocking her down. The Nanjing judge in that case ultimately ruled that common sense dictated that only the person who hit her would take her to the hospital, setting a precedent that continues only further discourages and reinforces many Chinese people’s wariness to help others in similar situations.]

And another commenter added “It can only be said that the garbage scavenger doesn’t read news on the internet.”

No wonder, this garbage scavenger helped out. Still…couldn’t these bystanders just yell out and even run away so not to be accused of hitting the kid. What about the bicycle rider? He could have yelled for help ?

China as a country is not to be blamed. It is the people that were there. Take the case of a girl in New York who was attacked in full view “of a New York City subway clerk, then dragged down the steps onto a deserted platform where she was raped and raped again, the assailant not stopping even when a subway train pulled into the station.”

The victim added that the ticket clerk left his booth. “He could have just gotten over the intercom and said, ‘Hey! Stop what you’re doing! I’ve called the cops!’ Anything like that would have helped,” she said. ““He didn’t have to get out of the booth. I don’t expect him to be a police officer. But he could have definitely said something over the intercom, or perhaps having a quicker system of notifying the police would have been effective, too.””

Have you been in this situation when you saw an accident? My husband and I once saw an accident along EDSA but since we were speeding past it, we were unable to just stop at the scene. We stopped at the next traffic stop to report about it. I guess reporting an accident can be quite a hassle because one will then be called to be a witness.

I cannot begin to imagine the hearts of the 18 people who passed by. It is beyond my understanding. Where is their compassion? Should laws be a bit more compassionate to those that bring the injured to the hospital?

Apply the Good Samaritan Law which are intended to reduce bystanders’ hesitation to assist, for fear of being sued or prosecuted for unintentional injury or wrongful death.

My heart now goes out to the bereaved parents. Questions like “If only….someone reported it right away”.

Photo credit : micgadget.com

“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” – Steve Jobs

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Steve Jobs leaves an estimated $8.3 billion, which he thought nothing of. “Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me … Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful … that’s what matters to me.”

Steve Jobs who is only 2 years older than me “died peacefully today surrounded by his family ” His family said “… We know many of you will mourn with us, and we ask that you respect our privacy during our time of grief”.

Dan Frakes says it so well “Part of Jobs’s genius was in showing people what they could *do* with technology. That’s what most people actually care about, not specs.” Let me share how his technology has been so much a part of my life.

I remember him so well in the early 80’s. Their story on launching the first Apple PC from his parents’ garage with longtime friend Steve Wozniak in 1976 was just amazing. Apple clones soon came around with the success of their PC.

Yes , I was one of those that owned an Apple II clone in 1985. My father who suffered a stroke in late 1985 was unable to comprehend oral communication but he could understand if written down. I forgot the software or game that I had but I used it to re-train him to recognize words. Speech therapy then was only done in UP-PGH. Dad soon re-learned some of the words though he was never able to regain his normal brain functions in oral communication.

I will probably remember him more for the Apple gadgets that I have owned since I became a blogger in 2006: the white macbook in 2006, the black macbook in 2007, the macbook air just two months ago . Then there is the IPhone where I get a new model every year now just waiting for the iPhone 4s to be released. The iPhone has been such a great companion for citizen media when I do livestreaming. In fact when Blog Watch interviewed presidential candidate Noynoy Aquino, I used the livestream app from my iphone when our main live stream failed.

Then the iPad as a birthday present to my husband because I could not stand the stacks of books he keeps buying all the time. I thought the iPad can be a space saver. Alas, it has not been so but the iPad serves quite well for ebook versions of newspapers. It surely cut down on piles of newspapers stashed in the bodega.

Now how could I ever forget the iPod?

I recall my teenaged kids just begging to have one of those nifty gadgets in early 2000. I really found them expensive but I managed to buy it for music sake. The success of iPod, revolutionized the music industry eventually leading to a collapse in CD sales and making Steve Jobs one of the most powerful voices in an industry he loved.

Now I have my own iPod in my iPhone. It is always a part of my driving routine. How can I ever deal with the traffic without my favorite seventies music lifting my spirits up?

Steve Jobs, you are just there with me probably in every person who have used your gadgets.

More than anything else, we can learn a lot about Steve Jobs especially on his views about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.


Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address
Read complete transcript of ‘You’ve got to find what you love,’ Jobs says

He continues to share more about living each day as if it is your last day:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

I think we should all stop to think as he often did :

“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?”

The gift of grief: Stories of 9-11 families

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I would say to those who mourn…look upon each day that comes as a challenge, as a test of courage. The pain will come in waves, some days worse than others, for no apparent reason. Accept the pain. Do not suppress it. Never attempt to hide grief.–Daphne du Maurier


Anna Sereno holds a portrait of her son Arthuro Angelo Sereno via dailymail.co.uk

It’s been 10 years since the 9-11 tragedy. Does 10 years take away the pain that the families and loved ones who lost someone in the 9-11 tragedy? Eleanor Roosevelt reminds us that “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”


Photo courtesy of jofercreams

I will never know how survivors and families feel right now but let’s take a peek on how 3 families dealt with their loss.

Abigail Carter, a widow used to ask herself “Would we ever be “happy people” again? I didn’t see how.”

Ten years later, she is baffled “that in many ways our lives are better now than when Arron was alive”. I have often mentioned that with a death of a loved one, there is hope for a new life and a new normal without our loved one. Abigail adds that “There is a heavy debt of guilt whenever I realize that our new life wouldn’t exist had Arron not died. Through our pain, we discovered our strengths, learned to appreciate life and have empathy for others. We were awakened into life by death.”


A police officer hugs a woman who gave him flowers and a missing-person poster at the edge of the World Trade Center worksite. In the aftermath of the attacks, the city of New York was not an anonymous metropolis of 8.4 million strangers, but an extended family united in grief. Photo courtesy of sabby

Like Abigail I experienced the loss of a loved one and still long to be with my son, willing him to exist in some new form. I know now that my son may not be here physically but he lives forever in my heart and in my mind. With the death of Abigail’s husband, it gave her courage. She is author of “The Alchemy of Loss: A Young Widow’s Transformation.”

I lost my fear of death – something I’ve come to see as the unexpected gift of grief. I’ve unmasked an entirely new universe of possibility. I was able to move across the country alone with two kids, write a book and teach. I stopped worrying what people thought and began thinking magically, realizing that the only person standing in the way of, say, writing a book, was myself. I learned to be brave enough to trust my intuition, get help when we needed it, find allies and live with no expectations – a flexibility that invited what I can only express as mindful evolution. I muddled through “dad” experiences, like starting the lawn mower and teaching our daughter to drive. The kids learned compassion and forgiveness and to live with an unnamable absence.

Alissa Torres, pregnant with their first child at the time of Eddie Torres death wrote “a 210-page graphic memoir, or as she calls it, “an adult, literary comic book,” about her marriage and first year as a widow and single mother. American Widow (Villard, $22) is illustrated by Sungyoon Choi.” “It embodies my grief. I can open it and see this grief and remember it and remember Eddie. But I can also close it and live my life in the present tense seven years later and have a happy home for my son.”

Writing this comic book is a creative form of expressing grief.

Losing a child is a devastating loss to all parents because a child never dies before their parents. Robert and Brooke Jackman lost their youngest daughter in this 9-11 tragedy but they transformed their grief into hope.

Ten years later, the Brooke Jackman Foundation, which they founded to promote literacy for at-risk children, has donated nearly 100,000 books and 10,000 backpacks filled with school supplies to kids in the greater New York region. And on Saturday, the foundation will hold its second annual read-a-thon to commemorate 9/11, as well as its own anniversary, at the Winter Garden in the World Financial Center in Lower Manhattan.

They started this event to honor their daughter Brooke and all those who lost their lives on 9/11 by showing that tragedy and loss can be turned into hope.

Barbara Kingsolver on grief says that “you don’t think you’ll live past it and you don’t really. The person you were is gone. But the half of you that’s still alive wakes up one day and takes over again. ”

Most of us who lose our loved ones search for meaning or rationalization about the tragedy. It is incomprehensible for our child to die before us. Doing creative projects or reaching out is one way of turning the grief to hope. It is the gift of grief. Abigail wrote a book, Alissa wrote an adult, literary comic book while Robert and Brooke Jackman started a foundation to promote the quiet power of literacy, which transforms lives and makes our world a better, safer, more peaceful place.

The only cure for grief is action. -G.H. Lewes

“Grief and recovery and resilience are very individual experiences and there is no template,” says Dr. Robin Stern, a co-author of “Project Rebirth.” “Grief is not a pathology. We all love and we all lose.”

Dealing with the loss of a loved one in a tragedy is not like the Kübler-Ross model which is more popularly known as the “Five Stages of Grief.” It is important to understand that grief is not a linear process or straightforward path. Grief is more like a roller coaster ride. Even 10 years after 9-11, twinges of sadness come to these families but it does not mean they have not moved on.

Love never dies and if one tears, it is a sign that love lives on.


Photo by getty images

Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
~Rossiter Worthington Raymond

Here is a video of 9/11 resilience

On World Suicide Prevention Day, save a life

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A follower on twitter once appealed to me for help because he wanted to kill himself. Whether it was a joke or not , I replied back if he wanted to talk. This did not sit well for one or two twitter followers who thought I should not have replied to that person in public.

See, I try to help anyone I can in Twitter whether it is about traffic, the weather, the location of a shop or just about any mundane thing. Why can’t I help someone crying out for help?

Are you uncomfortable helping out someone who could kill himself/herself? Would you rather ignore and hope it is all a joke. Well, I have seen the effect of suicide deaths in family and I know that these families never had any idea their loved one would die through suicide. When a child dies or a loved one takes their own life, the storyline is heart-achingly derailed.

Family members often blame themselves, thinking they could have done something to prevent the death. To lose someone suddenly is indeed a shock, but a suicide makes grief more complex. Those left behind can feel such guilt and regret. Why couldn’t I save him/her?

While most would see someone who had taken their own life, we see someone who died of an illness. On average, almost 3, 000 people commit suicide daily. For every person who completes a suicide, 20 or more may attempt to end their lives. Prevention can mean something as simple as asking, not ‘How are you?’ but ‘Are you okay?’

It helps to know about suicide prevention.

I added a Suicide Prevention page to save a life. Suicide prevention is everybody’s business. What many are not aware is not we can educate our community that suicide is a preventable public health problem in the Philippines. Suicide should no longer be considered a taboo topic, and that through raising awareness and educating the public, we can SAVE lives.

Consider the facts on suicide:

1. Every year, almost one million people die from suicide; a “global” mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds.

2. In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15-44 years in some countries, and the second leading cause of death in the 10-24 years age group; these figures do not include suicide attempts which are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicide.
Suicide worldwide is estimated to represent 1.8% of the total global burden of disease in 1998, and 2.4% in countries with market and former socialist economies in 2020.

3. Although traditionally suicide rates have been highest among the male elderly, rates among young people have been increasing to such an extent that they are now the group at highest risk in a third of countries, in both developed and developing countries.

4. Mental disorders (particularly depression and alcohol use disorders) are a major risk factor for suicide in Europe and North America; however, in Asian countries impulsiveness plays an important role. Suicide is complex with psychological, social, biological, cultural and environmental factors involved.

World Suicide Prevention Day is today, September 10. “It promotes worldwide commitment and action to prevent suicides.

The sponsoring International Association for Suicide Prevention, the co-sponsor WHO and other partners advocate for the prevention of suicidal behaviour, provision of adequate treatment and follow-up care for people who attempted suicide, as well as responsible reporting of suicides in the media.

At the global level, awareness needs to be raised that suicide is a major preventable cause of premature death. Governments need to develop policy frameworks for national suicide prevention strategies. At the local level, policy statements and research outcomes need to be translated into prevention programmes and activities in communities.”

To help show your support and raise awareness, organizers suggest that you light a candle at 8pm and place it in a window in your home to honor the day.

Read my Suicide Prevention page to save a life.

Norway grieves the loss of nearly 100 lives

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What could have possessed Anders Behring Breivik to kill innocent children? So many young children killed in Norway by just one person. Children, gone too soon. Unbelievable. Unimaginable. All children of someone who is now in pain. What is happening to the world?

Most of the bodies were found on Utoya island, where young people from the dominant Labor Party “had gathered for an annual camp. The suspect is Anders Behring Breivik, 32, a right-wing fundamentalist Christian, while acquaintances described him as a gun-loving Norwegian obsessed with what he saw as the threats of multiculturalism and Muslim immigration.”

Dressed as a police officer, he announced that he had come to check on the security of the young people who were attending a political summer camp there, many of them the children of members of the governing Labor Party.

He gathered the campers together and for some 90 hellish minutes he coolly and methodically shot them, hunting down those who fled. At least 85 people, some as young as 16, were killed.

The poor children must have been so frightened as the lone gunmen shot them one by one.

And the parents… this is a traumatic death. A sudden, traumatic death shattered the world of these parents and their loved ones. It is often a loss that does not make sense. I condole with the families and relatives of all the victims in the bomb blast and the parents of 92 or so children that were killed in the labor. This is just outrageous. There are no words to describe the actions of this lone killer.

Trying to make sense of or understand this tragedy can be difficult. Survivors are left asking “Why?” “Why did this happen?” . “Why” may be more than a question. It may be an agonizing cry for a heart-breaking loss, an expression of distress and bewilderment.

The traumatic nature of the loss is just too much to comprehend. There is a lot of discussion in twitter about the indifference of the deaths in Norway. A tweet says “it’s awful that Amy Winehouse is dead,but 90 children and teenagers were shot and killed in Norway, yet no one seems to care about that..” An angry tweeter says “Its shameful to see these idiots more concerned with a junkie than the innocent children who were killed in Norway. Sicko”.

It is understandable to be angry. But sometimes it is hard to grasp such traumatic losses. Each death is just as painful. Everyone must be allowed to grieve in their own way whether it be loss of Amy Winehouse or the children and other victims in Norway.

Rest in peace to the children of Norway killed in the shooting. Let me echo one tweeter as she says “May your memories live on as motivation for peace'”