If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. ~ Desmond Tutu
I can’t believe it’s been two years since that gruesome Ampatuan Massacre hit me like a bolt of lightning. Shock, dismay and utter disbelief. Outrageous! I condemned the brutality through social media and a blog post over at Blog Watch.
Today I feel the same. Utter disbelief that only two Ampatuans have been arraigned. Only 93 of the 196 accused have been arrested. The 300 and 320 witnesses listed by prosecution and defense lawyers respectively may take 200 years to present to court, according to veteran human rights lawyer and litigator Senator Joker Arroyo.
200 years? Unbelievable.
Why is justice painfully slow? Can’t Judge Jocelyn Solis-Reyes of the Quezon City Regional Trial Court Branch 221 do anything to speed up the process?
I believe the Supreme Court who has jurisdiction over the hearings can do something to speed up the trial.
1. Can’t the least guilty (drivers, police who were forced to be at the crime sceme) bargain for lesser penalty or become state witness? Make a statement to be used against the other.
2. DOJ Secretary De Lima needs to focus on the Ampatuan trial. Give more resources to Quezon City Regional Trial Court Branch 221.
4. Whatever happened to the four of the accused who have applied for witness conversion but were denied by the Quezon City Regional Trial Court? Can’t they be reconsidered?
5. Can we have daily hearings? Ignore the complaints of the Ampatuan lawyers on the over thrice-weekly hearings.
6. Judge Jocelyn Solis-Reyes should not handle any other cases so she can concentrate fully on the documents and the hearing.
Meanwhile the families of the 58 Ampatuan massacre victims – mostly Mindanao based-journalists, continue to suffer from the loss of their loved ones, most were family breadwinners.
I don’t know the intricacies of the Court but I hope the Department of Justice will also focus on the Ampatuan trial and NOT be fixated over the Arroyo election sabotage case?
But you , my dear readers can help. I would like to invite you to use the power of communication and the Internet to speak out for justice and against the continued impunity with which those who wish to suppress freedom of expression impose the ultimate censorship – death – and how the apathy and inaction of government has made this so.
Here is how:
You may use the following materials to join the online campaign for the International Day to End Impunity (IDEI) Blog Action Day on November 21.
Use the hastags #endimpunityinPH #kilosna #IDEI #Nov23 for the campaign.
The loss of a child is unlike any other loss. I don’t know how I lived through the pain but I did…it’s been 11 years.
My good friend, Cathy Babao-Guballa probably knows this by now. Nine years ago, in the midst of my deepest sadness as I grappled with the pain of my son’s death, I came across a newspaper article about the loss of her son, Migi. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I felt a twinge of envy. Her grief journey seemed smooth sailing to me. The burden of my grief took a toll on my heart and probably wrecked my family life. I wanted to recover from this pain. She ended her article with “email me if you have questions”. That sounded reassuring. I cut out the article and folded it neatly in my folder. I was too shy to send her email. In my mind, I knew I could never attain the things she was doing for Migi’s Corner, a play area for sick children in some hospitals. I knew I was going to do something in honor of my son’s memory one day… I just didn’t know it yet.
Cathy has been such an inspiration to me and perhaps many bereaved mothers who have lost a child. In December 2005, she helped me initiate The Compassionate Friends , a grief support for parents who lost a child.
Today, Cathy continues to reach out to other bereaved mothers – women now taking the journey that she once set out on without any roadmap. Through her book “Between Loss and Forever”, Cathy hopes it will serve as a roadmap of sorts for others who are new on the journey – one that provides hope, comfort and guidance for the long road to healing that lies ahead.
In the excerpt of her book , Cathy gives a short introduction about grief. “The celebrated American author and poet, Maya Angelou, once wrote, ““There is no greater burden than bearing an untold story inside you.”
The death of a child goes against the natural order of the universe and the strangeness of the event is a major stumbling block for the bereaved mother who cannot comprehend why such an event had to take place. The loss of a child shatters every mother’s worldview of a world that is secure, safe and in order. The bereaved mother, on her own, can take no solace in the incomprehensible loss that her child has gone on ahead of her. ”
Writing the story of my grief journey brought tears and pain in my heart but I always thought of that fateful day I read Cathy’s article, and how it lifted my spirits. Who knows a bereaved parent may learn a thing or two about my grief journey?
My sister Lorna and Cathy
Cathy had asked me “did you keep Luijoe’s room the way it was for many years after his loss? How long before you re-arranged it? How did you go about moving his things? What things of him, if any, have you kept and/or given or shared with the girls?” This was my response to that question and is now an excerpt of “Remembering and Rituals” in the book “Between Loss and Forever
During the first year, I kept it as is. Even the clothes that hung from his room. It was like a sanctuary for me. Just being there, smelling his clothes, seeing his toys gave me comfort.
It didn’t last long when Lauren moved in there. She wanted her own room. I can’t recall if it was a year or two after.
It was four years after when I started giving away his clothes to my helper’s son. My helper, Maan was Luijoe’s yaya too so I felt Luijoe might want if his clothes went to his son who by that time was already 6 years old.
When we moved out of Makati to Pasig, I still had his things..books signed with his signature, his favorite toys and a few of his clothes..just 10 or so pieces. You know, memories are all I have left of him so I needed just a few of these physical things. Below his memorial table is a green box, where I place his love letters to me , the “I love you so very much mama”, the little flower vase that I used to hold the wild flowers he picked from the park. These flowers always came with “I love you very much mama”
These are all so very poignant and it even tears me as I write this.
All the other things are kept in “Luijoe’s room” . It is the extra room at my home. I arranged the room in such a way that it is a “reflection room.” with a mat and pillows on the floor. The colors of the room are splattered with orange and green. The walls are decorated with posters such as the “serenity prayer”, the news paper clipping when we first introduced Compassionate friends. I have photos of my family and Luijoe in that room too. I have a bible, quotes from Buddha, angel quotes and other books to read when one just wants to relax. Butch reads here a lot here. He sort of made it his little nook too.In the past, he would stay here if we had a fight. I call it a “cave” but since 2009 he has stopped retreating here and using it as a “cave”.
Luijoe’s toys are kept in one shelf. HIs story books in another shelf. He is still so much a part of our family. He has a room always in my heart and in my home. Very alive in our hearts and in our mind.
Where am I now in my grief journey?
I often wonder how he would look like today. Would he have been taller than my husband? Would he have the same gleaming smile? Will he still give me a bunch of flowers with an ““I love you” note? I can’t imagine because I will always remember him as an innocent and beautiful 6 year old boy whose death changed my life in positive ways I never could imagine. I still miss him but the pain is not heart wrenching. I long for him especially during birth and death anniversaries or when I see a boy similar to his age.
““I don’t know how you’ve survived. It would kill me to lose my child.” Oh, to have one peso for every time I heard that sentence! I’d spend every one of those pesos for an answer, for you see, I don’t know how I’ve survived. What choice did I have? Each transition has been work, hard work, sorting through what it means and learning to function in the face of these circumstances not of my choosing. My new life as a blogger served me well: my role as a bereaved mother is no longer the first way I define who I am, but it is ever-present in my life and cannot be separated from all that I am . . . for the rest of my life.
Me, with Cathy and Julius Babao
There are more stories from 17 other mothers. There is Thelma Arceo who lost her eldest son Ferdie, 21 to the military in the dark ages of Martial Law in Iloilo in 1973. Alice Honasan, whose youngest son Mel, died after a brutal and senseless hazing in 1976. Lissa Ylanan – Moran who lost her infant daughter a few months after EDSA. Mothers who whose children perished at the prime of their lives in car accidents – Raciel Carlos, Jo Ann de Larrazabal, Isabel Valles Lovina and Mano Morales; mothers losing adult children to illness like Baby Tiaoqui and Fe Montano, and mothers who lost their children all too suddenly, like Beth Burgos Adan, Aleli Villanueva, Monique Papa Eugenio and Aileen Judan Jiao. And mothers like Alma Miclat and Vivian dela Pena whose children felt that life was too painful, they chose to end their suffering.
Meet the mothers in “Between Loss and Forever”
My sister Lorna and Dr. Honey Carandang
There can be no better guide to coping the death of one’s child than someone who has been there. My friend Cathy took up grief education and studied the stories of these 18 mothers. It was important for Cathy to capture the very essence of each mother’s story-telling as they spoke and wrote about their loss. She explains that the “breadth of emotions and anguish expressed were impossible to quantify, the experience of listening with one’s mind and heart, of transcribing and writing it all down, was to say the very least, exhausting. No amount of ““formulaic” structured questions could grasp the feeling, the emotion, the very core of each mother’s unique grief experience. ”
This book will certainly help other parents and even those with similar losses.
“Between Loss and Forever” will be available at National Bookstore and Powerbooks beginning 23 October 2011
Watching Yue Yuem , the injured child on the street is too painful..and all those people seemed just heartless to me. The greatest tragedy aside from the first van hitting the child is how 18 bystanders just walked past by.
Synopsis: October 13th afternoon around 5:30, a car accident occurred at the Guangfo Hardware Market in Huangqi of Foshan. A van hit a 2-year-old little girl and then fled. No passersby reached out to help and then another car ran over her. Over the span of 7 minutes, a total of 17 people passing by failed to extend a hand or call the police, up until the 19th person, a garbage scavenger ayi [older woman], who lifted her up after discovering her but the little girl in her arms was like a noodle, immediately collapsing back onto the ground. The trash scavenger ayi called for help, and the little girl’s mother, who was in the vicinity, immediately rushed over and rushed her to the hospital.The news report video above has been viewed nearly 700k times on popular Chinese video-sharing website Youku since it was uploaded 17 hours ago and currently has over 6200 comments spanning 210 pages. This story is also spreading on China’s popular microblogging service Sina Weibo in addition to receiving a lot of views and comments on China’s major internet news portals and communities.
In addition to showing the little girl, Yue Yuem being run over twice and many of the bystanders who didn’t stop to help her, it also shows that Yue Yue is currently in the hospital in critical condition. Police have already found the second driver but have yet to find the first driver as they were unable to read the first van’s license plate and are calling upon witnesses for help. Yue Yue’s parents are also shown.
The question is why did these people not stop? A comment in this site may explain :
It isn’t ignoring, it’s not daring. If one were to encounter a Nanjing judge, one would be screwed.
[Note: “Nanjing judge” refers to the infamous 2006 case of a man named Peng Yu who helped a woman to the hospital after she had fallen only to have the old woman accuse him of knocking her down. The Nanjing judge in that case ultimately ruled that common sense dictated that only the person who hit her would take her to the hospital, setting a precedent that continues only further discourages and reinforces many Chinese people’s wariness to help others in similar situations.]
And another commenter added “It can only be said that the garbage scavenger doesn’t read news on the internet.”
No wonder, this garbage scavenger helped out. Still…couldn’t these bystanders just yell out and even run away so not to be accused of hitting the kid. What about the bicycle rider? He could have yelled for help ?
China as a country is not to be blamed. It is the people that were there. Take the case of a girl in New York who was attacked in full view “of a New York City subway clerk, then dragged down the steps onto a deserted platform where she was raped and raped again, the assailant not stopping even when a subway train pulled into the station.”
The victim added that the ticket clerk left his booth. “He could have just gotten over the intercom and said, ‘Hey! Stop what you’re doing! I’ve called the cops!’ Anything like that would have helped,” she said. ““He didn’t have to get out of the booth. I don’t expect him to be a police officer. But he could have definitely said something over the intercom, or perhaps having a quicker system of notifying the police would have been effective, too.””
Have you been in this situation when you saw an accident? My husband and I once saw an accident along EDSA but since we were speeding past it, we were unable to just stop at the scene. We stopped at the next traffic stop to report about it. I guess reporting an accident can be quite a hassle because one will then be called to be a witness.
I cannot begin to imagine the hearts of the 18 people who passed by. It is beyond my understanding. Where is their compassion? Should laws be a bit more compassionate to those that bring the injured to the hospital?
Apply the Good Samaritan Law which are intended to reduce bystanders’ hesitation to assist, for fear of being sued or prosecuted for unintentional injury or wrongful death.
My heart now goes out to the bereaved parents. Questions like “If only….someone reported it right away”.
Steve Jobs leaves an estimated $8.3 billion, which he thought nothing of. “Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me … Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful … that’s what matters to me.”
Steve Jobs who is only 2 years older than me “died peacefully today surrounded by his family ” His family said “… We know many of you will mourn with us, and we ask that you respect our privacy during our time of grief”.
Dan Frakes says it so well “Part of Jobs’s genius was in showing people what they could *do* with technology. That’s what most people actually care about, not specs.” Let me share how his technology has been so much a part of my life.
I remember him so well in the early 80’s. Their story on launching the first Apple PC from his parents’ garage with longtime friend Steve Wozniak in 1976 was just amazing. Apple clones soon came around with the success of their PC.
Yes , I was one of those that owned an Apple II clone in 1985. My father who suffered a stroke in late 1985 was unable to comprehend oral communication but he could understand if written down. I forgot the software or game that I had but I used it to re-train him to recognize words. Speech therapy then was only done in UP-PGH. Dad soon re-learned some of the words though he was never able to regain his normal brain functions in oral communication.
I will probably remember him more for the Apple gadgets that I have owned since I became a blogger in 2006: the white macbook in 2006, the black macbook in 2007, the macbook air just two months ago . Then there is the IPhone where I get a new model every year now just waiting for the iPhone 4s to be released. The iPhone has been such a great companion for citizen media when I do livestreaming. In fact when Blog Watch interviewed presidential candidate Noynoy Aquino, I used the livestream app from my iphone when our main live stream failed.
Then the iPad as a birthday present to my husband because I could not stand the stacks of books he keeps buying all the time. I thought the iPad can be a space saver. Alas, it has not been so but the iPad serves quite well for ebook versions of newspapers. It surely cut down on piles of newspapers stashed in the bodega.
Now how could I ever forget the iPod?
I recall my teenaged kids just begging to have one of those nifty gadgets in early 2000. I really found them expensive but I managed to buy it for music sake. The success of iPod, revolutionized the music industry eventually leading to a collapse in CD sales and making Steve Jobs one of the most powerful voices in an industry he loved.
Now I have my own iPod in my iPhone. It is always a part of my driving routine. How can I ever deal with the traffic without my favorite seventies music lifting my spirits up?
Steve Jobs, you are just there with me probably in every person who have used your gadgets.
More than anything else, we can learn a lot about Steve Jobs especially on his views about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything  all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
He continues to share more about living each day as if it is your last day:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma  which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
I think we should all stop to think as he often did :
“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?”
The death of someone we know always reminds us that we are still alive – perhaps for some purpose which we ought to re-examine. Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960
I am big on the idea of a eulogy, a place to commemorate and celebrate life. I know because of the five deaths in my family . Each tribute about my loved one touched me so much that it gave comfort to know my loved one touched others. I vowed to share this experience to those who lose their loved ones. Sometimes, the family cannot really think of all of these preparations if there is no funeral coordinator. I also know because when I suggested the same to the father of Apple Book, the four year old girl who died in the Willie Revillame show ULTRA tragedy, he loved the idea. SInce then, I often ask the bereaved family about their plans for eulogy. The brother of AJ loved the idea and so bloggers and friends organized AJ’s memorial.
A eulogy is quite simple. You tell a story about a fond memory, character attributes or something you want to share that is poetic or meaningful. It could also be a song. AJ’s tribute included podcast clips from his FabCast friends and Juned shared AJ’s answers to formspring that added a lot of laughter.
Our tribute to AJ was indeed beautiful and poignant. There are facets of a person’s life that can be gleaned from a variety of friends, colleagues or family. For instance, AJ’s mom had no idea what a blog is.. but she shared an insight about his son only a mother will ever know. A friend delivered his tribute called a Timely Powerful Message, recalling the of the time he saw AJ at the hospital and their podcast days.
Along with his eulogy, he shared soundbites of AJ that came from Fabcasters’ podcast.sessions, It reveals the wonderful, unique person that AJ Matela is.
I’m sure you’re familiar with the old funeral cliche, ““Death is a celebration of life.” When the priest said it in his homily, I snorted and wondered if that was supposed to be comforting. I’ve experienced enough death in my life to know that death is no celebration. How are you supposed to celebrate the past when you have an entire future to face without that person in your life? Yet a ““celebration of life” is probably the best phrase to describe the memorial service that took place later that evening. AJ has been sick for a while and his family has had several months to accept this fact. So with a lot of the grieving behind them, they had enough sanity to pay attention to the highlights of his life. Many bloggers spoke about their favorite memories and how they remembered him as a kind, friendly, very fashionable person who loved life, fought for LGBT rights, and remained one of the greatest friends they’ve ever had.
Here is my eulogy for AJ.
Gifts from AJ
I am honored to be here to be part of tonight’s memorial to honor and celebrate what AJ gave to us.
I consider myself blessed to have known such a wonderful person. He was also charming, funny, and fun. AJ was charismatic and he could always catch you up in his enthusiasm and love for anything!
I met AJ in 2007 and other bloggers will probably talk about a similar meeting. Yes I am a blogger, who deals with grief support advocacy and participatory media. I too lost a brother when he was 28 years old. I too lost my precious son. A total of 5 deaths in my immediate family.
What I would want to share to his family and loved ones are two legacies AJ left behind for me to remember him by. They are all related to my blog advocacy. These legacy will continue to live on in my heart and in my treasure chest of memories and perhaps in yours.
1. Ernie, the Travel mascot
AJ first introduced me to Ernie during one of our blogger trips in 2008. AJ would let Ernie sit on a chair or on any flat surface and then take a picture. He used to say it is his travel mascot. I found it cute. Looking at AJ with Ernie, an inspiration hit me. Why not have a travel mascot myself? So I copied AJ. No, I didn’t copy Ernie. I used Kippy Cat or rather I re-discovered Kippy Cat from the box of toys of my precious son that I had kept throughout the years.
Kippy Cat was Luijoe’s comfort toy when I travelled in the past. Kippy Cat never left my son’s side while I was away from him. When I returned home after a travel, he rubbed Kippy Cat’s nose on to my nose.
Holding Kippy Cat close to my chest, a flood of happy and poignant memories lifted me to high spirits and I felt the comfort of my son’s love. That is how Kippy Cat became my mascot. The comfort my son felt before is now my comfort.
He probably never realized it…but he showed me a creative way of handling grief triggers.
This legacy will always be part of my advocacy and to others who want to use creative ways to deal with their loss.
2. Mobile live streaming
My other role as a blogger is participatory media where social networking tools come handy such as mobile live streaming. Today, you can see live streaming done everywhere in the Senate, the Supreme court, and other government offices. Blog Watch our citizen media site’s coverage of the May 2010 campaign period was not complete without live streaming. I first learned about live streaming using mobile phones from AJ during iblog 5 in April 2009. AJ covered most of the proceedings with his Nokia phone until its battery died. I was quite intrigued. I only knew live streaming using my laptop.
He explained to me the various sites that support live stream such as qik.com , ustream.tv and justin.tv with the use of a software that can be downloaded to the phone. I knew all this because I sat beside him all throughout iblog 5, sometimes being his reliever when he had to talk on stage.
I think of him whenever I do my own mobile live streaming.
Sadly, this was the last time I ever talked to AJ in person. This is our last photo together (I regret not having a photo with him when I lost 20 pounds lighter from that photo) Yes, I got busy with citizen media and did not attend much blogger events since middle of 2009. I am filled with regrets, with questions of ““why? If only? I should have…why God? ” but I am also aware that all these are part of my grief talking .
And though these memories may bring back pain, they bring back memories of joy as well. All these because pain is the price I pay for someone who touched my life.
He also leaves behind the people who loved and cared for him, for truly, it is in us that AJ will live on. How? Because we – the ones who were touched by his grace – will share with the world, the parts of us he was able to influence. This is what a man truly leaves behind when he passes.
Yes, I am comforted with the knowledge that AJ will be forever alive in my heart and in my memories.
AJ, I love you. You will be forever missed by each and every life you have touched. Until we meet again my friend, your precious legacies will be carried within my heart.
I would like to end with a quote from Thomas Campbell.
To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.
~Norman Cousins~
I would say to those who mourn…look upon each day that comes as a challenge, as a test of courage. The pain will come in waves, some days worse than others, for no apparent reason. Accept the pain. Do not suppress it. Never attempt to hide grief.–Daphne du Maurier
Anna Sereno holds a portrait of her son Arthuro Angelo Sereno via dailymail.co.uk
It’s been 10 years since the 9-11 tragedy. Does 10 years take away the pain that the families and loved ones who lost someone in the 9-11 tragedy? Eleanor Roosevelt reminds us that “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
I will never know how survivors and families feel right now but let’s take a peek on how 3 families dealt with their loss.
Abigail Carter, a widow used to ask herself “Would we ever be “happy people” again? I didn’t see how.”
Ten years later, she is baffled “that in many ways our lives are better now than when Arron was alive”. I have often mentioned that with a death of a loved one, there is hope for a new life and a new normal without our loved one. Abigail adds that “There is a heavy debt of guilt whenever I realize that our new life wouldn’t exist had Arron not died. Through our pain, we discovered our strengths, learned to appreciate life and have empathy for others. We were awakened into life by death.”
A police officer hugs a woman who gave him flowers and a missing-person poster at the edge of the World Trade Center worksite. In the aftermath of the attacks, the city of New York was not an anonymous metropolis of 8.4 million strangers, but an extended family united in grief. Photo courtesy of sabby
Like Abigail I experienced the loss of a loved one and still long to be with my son, willing him to exist in some new form. I know now that my son may not be here physically but he lives forever in my heart and in my mind. With the death of Abigail’s husband, it gave her courage. She is author of “The Alchemy of Loss: A Young Widow’s Transformation.”
I lost my fear of death – something I’ve come to see as the unexpected gift of grief. I’ve unmasked an entirely new universe of possibility. I was able to move across the country alone with two kids, write a book and teach. I stopped worrying what people thought and began thinking magically, realizing that the only person standing in the way of, say, writing a book, was myself. I learned to be brave enough to trust my intuition, get help when we needed it, find allies and live with no expectations – a flexibility that invited what I can only express as mindful evolution. I muddled through “dad” experiences, like starting the lawn mower and teaching our daughter to drive. The kids learned compassion and forgiveness and to live with an unnamable absence.
Alissa Torres, pregnant with their first child at the time of Eddie Torres death wrote “a 210-page graphic memoir, or as she calls it, “an adult, literary comic book,” about her marriage and first year as a widow and single mother. American Widow (Villard, $22) is illustrated by Sungyoon Choi.” “It embodies my grief. I can open it and see this grief and remember it and remember Eddie. But I can also close it and live my life in the present tense seven years later and have a happy home for my son.”
Writing this comic book is a creative form of expressing grief.
Losing a child is a devastating loss to all parents because a child never dies before their parents. Robert and Brooke Jackman lost their youngest daughter in this 9-11 tragedy but they transformed their grief into hope.
Ten years later, the Brooke Jackman Foundation, which they founded to promote literacy for at-risk children, has donated nearly 100,000 books and 10,000 backpacks filled with school supplies to kids in the greater New York region. And on Saturday, the foundation will hold its second annual read-a-thon to commemorate 9/11, as well as its own anniversary, at the Winter Garden in the World Financial Center in Lower Manhattan.
They started this event to honor their daughter Brooke and all those who lost their lives on 9/11 by showing that tragedy and loss can be turned into hope.
Barbara Kingsolver on grief says that “you don’t think you’ll live past it and you don’t really. The person you were is gone. But the half of you that’s still alive wakes up one day and takes over again. ”
Most of us who lose our loved ones search for meaning or rationalization about the tragedy. It is incomprehensible for our child to die before us. Doing creative projects or reaching out is one way of turning the grief to hope. It is the gift of grief. Abigail wrote a book, Alissa wrote an adult, literary comic book while Robert and Brooke Jackman started a foundation to promote the quiet power of literacy, which transforms lives and makes our world a better, safer, more peaceful place.
The only cure for grief is action. -G.H. Lewes
“Grief and recovery and resilience are very individual experiences and there is no template,” says Dr. Robin Stern, a co-author of “Project Rebirth.” “Grief is not a pathology. We all love and we all lose.”
Dealing with the loss of a loved one in a tragedy is not like the Kübler-Ross model which is more popularly known as the “Five Stages of Grief.” It is important to understand that grief is not a linear process or straightforward path. Grief is more like a roller coaster ride. Even 10 years after 9-11, twinges of sadness come to these families but it does not mean they have not moved on.
Love never dies and if one tears, it is a sign that love lives on.
Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
~Rossiter Worthington Raymond
A follower on twitter once appealed to me for help because he wanted to kill himself. Whether it was a joke or not , I replied back if he wanted to talk. This did not sit well for one or two twitter followers who thought I should not have replied to that person in public.
See, I try to help anyone I can in Twitter whether it is about traffic, the weather, the location of a shop or just about any mundane thing. Why can’t I help someone crying out for help?
Are you uncomfortable helping out someone who could kill himself/herself? Would you rather ignore and hope it is all a joke. Well, I have seen the effect of suicide deaths in family and I know that these families never had any idea their loved one would die through suicide. When a child dies or a loved one takes their own life, the storyline is heart-achingly derailed.
Family members often blame themselves, thinking they could have done something to prevent the death. To lose someone suddenly is indeed a shock, but a suicide makes grief more complex. Those left behind can feel such guilt and regret. Why couldn’t I save him/her?
While most would see someone who had taken their own life, we see someone who died of an illness. On average, almost 3, 000 people commit suicide daily. For every person who completes a suicide, 20 or more may attempt to end their lives. Prevention can mean something as simple as asking, not ‘How are you?’ but ‘Are you okay?’
It helps to know about suicide prevention.
I added a Suicide Prevention page to save a life. Suicide prevention is everybody’s business. What many are not aware is not we can educate our community that suicide is a preventable public health problem in the Philippines. Suicide should no longer be considered a taboo topic, and that through raising awareness and educating the public, we can SAVE lives.
1. Every year, almost one million people die from suicide; a “global” mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds.
2. In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15-44 years in some countries, and the second leading cause of death in the 10-24 years age group; these figures do not include suicide attempts which are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicide.
Suicide worldwide is estimated to represent 1.8% of the total global burden of disease in 1998, and 2.4% in countries with market and former socialist economies in 2020.
3. Although traditionally suicide rates have been highest among the male elderly, rates among young people have been increasing to such an extent that they are now the group at highest risk in a third of countries, in both developed and developing countries.
4. Mental disorders (particularly depression and alcohol use disorders) are a major risk factor for suicide in Europe and North America; however, in Asian countries impulsiveness plays an important role. Suicide is complex with psychological, social, biological, cultural and environmental factors involved.
World Suicide Prevention Day is today, September 10. “It promotes worldwide commitment and action to prevent suicides.
The sponsoring International Association for Suicide Prevention, the co-sponsor WHO and other partners advocate for the prevention of suicidal behaviour, provision of adequate treatment and follow-up care for people who attempted suicide, as well as responsible reporting of suicides in the media.
At the global level, awareness needs to be raised that suicide is a major preventable cause of premature death. Governments need to develop policy frameworks for national suicide prevention strategies. At the local level, policy statements and research outcomes need to be translated into prevention programmes and activities in communities.”
To help show your support and raise awareness, organizers suggest that you light a candle at 8pm and place it in a window in your home to honor the day.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
I first met Ernie during one of our blogger trips in Tagaytay. AJ Matela would let Ernie sit on a chair or on any flat surface and then he’d take a picture. He used to say it is his travel mascot. I found it cute.
So I copied AJ. No, I didn’t copy Ernie. I used Kippy Cat. I know I am such a copy cat.
During my trip to San Francisco , (my first since my son’s death) in 2008, I brought Kippy Cat along with me. Kippy cat was Luijoe’s favorite toy that comforted him when I used to travel in the past and left him home with my husband.
It pained me that I was never able to fulfill my son’s wish that we would travel to the US together. Perhaps it is one of the reasons that I lost interest to travel before 2008. For years, I was consumed with the myriad reminders of my son’s life and death. It wasn’t an easy journey. Today, I now know that death may have taken away my son but he lives forever in my heart and in my memories. Perhaps he might not have visited the states with me but he is right here with me in spirit. So Kippy Cat is now my travel mascot, pretty much like Ernie is to AJ.
With the news that AJ died last night, I feel deep sorrow. It is my grief talking. He had been sick for a long time now . It is painful to see someone like AJ die so young.
I am thankful to AJ who reminded me that I can always bring my Luijoe in my heart when I travel. As I hold Kippy Cat close to my chest a flood of happy and poignant memories lift me to high spirits and I feel the comfort of my son’s love.
Now there is an added dimension, I wil always remember AJ for this. AJ wil forever be alive in my heart and in my memories.
When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.
I can only imagine the grief that AJ’s parents and loved ones are having right now but we can help them in our own little way.
What could have possessed Anders Behring Breivik to kill innocent children? So many young children killed in Norway by just one person. Children, gone too soon. Unbelievable. Unimaginable. All children of someone who is now in pain. What is happening to the world?
Most of the bodies were found on Utoya island, where young people from the dominant Labor Party “had gathered for an annual camp. The suspect is Anders Behring Breivik, 32, a right-wing fundamentalist Christian, while acquaintances described him as a gun-loving Norwegian obsessed with what he saw as the threats of multiculturalism and Muslim immigration.”
Dressed as a police officer, he announced that he had come to check on the security of the young people who were attending a political summer camp there, many of them the children of members of the governing Labor Party.
He gathered the campers together and for some 90 hellish minutes he coolly and methodically shot them, hunting down those who fled. At least 85 people, some as young as 16, were killed.
The poor children must have been so frightened as the lone gunmen shot them one by one.
And the parents… this is a traumatic death. A sudden, traumatic death shattered the world of these parents and their loved ones. It is often a loss that does not make sense. I condole with the families and relatives of all the victims in the bomb blast and the parents of 92 or so children that were killed in the labor. This is just outrageous. There are no words to describe the actions of this lone killer.
Trying to make sense of or understand this tragedy can be difficult. Survivors are left asking “Why?” “Why did this happen?” . “Why” may be more than a question. It may be an agonizing cry for a heart-breaking loss, an expression of distress and bewilderment.
The traumatic nature of the loss is just too much to comprehend. There is a lot of discussion in twitter about the indifference of the deaths in Norway. A tweet says “it’s awful that Amy Winehouse is dead,but 90 children and teenagers were shot and killed in Norway, yet no one seems to care about that..” An angry tweeter says “Its shameful to see these idiots more concerned with a junkie than the innocent children who were killed in Norway. Sicko”.
It is understandable to be angry. But sometimes it is hard to grasp such traumatic losses. Each death is just as painful. Everyone must be allowed to grieve in their own way whether it be loss of Amy Winehouse or the children and other victims in Norway.
Rest in peace to the children of Norway killed in the shooting. Let me echo one tweeter as she says “May your memories live on as motivation for peace'”
“Over futile odds…and laughed at by the gods. And now the final frame. Love is a losing game” – Amy Winehouse, 2007.
Photo via mashable.com
Amy Winehouse is best known for her 2006 breakthrough album, Back to Black, the singer was known for her deep voice and brazen lyrics. Winehouse was 27. The troubled singer, has long struggled with drug and alcohol addiction, making many references to these struggles in her music. Her most popular songs include: ‘Valerie’, ‘You Know I’m no Good’, ‘Back to Black’, and ‘Rehab’
By coincidence, Jimi Hendrix, Jones, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse have one thing in common . They were all 27 years old . Actually, the one thing they have in common is sadly – drug abuse (if found that her death was due to it ). Oh Amy Winehouse. How sad. Unfortunately, the world lost such a talented woman to this powerful disease… addiction. She was not alone. Many others are like her , who struggle to fight this disease.
Amy Winehouse once said “I only write about stuff that’s happened to me, stuff I can’t get past personally. Luckily, I’m quite self-destructive.
Amy is now in peace.
As soon as Amy Winehouse’s death broke out, people expressed in social media their thoughts on the end of the young artist’s life.
