Prayers-Let us send this to the families of the Tausugs. Some of them are reading our posts. (via
Yolanda O. Stern)
In Tausug version
Kainaan, duwa-ahe niyo in mga kaanakan amun nagluwas lungsad hasupaya kamu sumannang. Bang siya makauwih ha wayna kawul pag sarahakan na siya pa Nagpapanjari.,
Mga Kaanakan, anak takamu. Gulgula niyo ako iban ayaw kamu mabugha’, pasandunga niyo yan da ako ha raig niyo.
Hapag lagguh niyo, lasaha niyo he Inah niyo iban sin mga taymanghud niyo. Iban gulgula he amah mo bang hapag balik niya wayna kawul iban baytae siya sin kalasahan mo siya.
Kaasawahan, wayna sasakit sakit dain sin kalawaan kakasi. Duwaa kaw amun tiyaymah sin Tuhan in pagbaug niya iban bang mayan in Sabah makabalik da pa mga Ahlus Suluk.
Mga Kaput Balis sin Sultan: Bang mayan kamu halawum kusug, pangannal mahantap iban pangatayan malanuh misan pa in kaawnan niyo halawum kasigpitan.
Hitukbal ko kaniyo in sasalaman bang magdul in Tuhan makabalik kamu buhih.
Ha mga sila Timakliad na: Kamu na in mga tau gagandilan saltah iban sin dayaw, liyagguh namuh in pagluwas lungsad niyo.
English version
Hold Fast your Hearts!
Mothers, pray for the sons who went home with the currents to seek for you a better roof. If he comes back not to say hello, close you eyes and embrace the heaven at your feet.
Daughters, you are also mine. I hug you close and keep your fears so close to me. Imagine me next to you. Life will go on. You will grow up. Be good to your mother, brothers and sisters, hug your Father if he returns and tell him you love him.
Wives, there is no hole left bigger in a heart, than the one left by a lost beloved. Pray that he has entered Heaven and pray that Sabah shall one day, return to the people.
Royal Sultanate Force: May you sit in your hour of darkness with Clarity of Mind, Honesty at Heart, and Strength of Body for the fight that may not let you see the dawn . I will say my goodbye and if the Almighty bring you safely home, Heaven on Earth is possible.
In Memoriam: You are the gentlest yet the bravest men, we honor you in death.
For many years, my family greeted the Christmas season with great joy and heavy despair. Every Christmas without my son, I sensed my husband saying “I’m not ready yet….”I’m not ready for the annual flood of memories without Luijoe. “ Butch dreaded the sight of the cheerful Christmas decorations especially Santa Claus. I wasn’t ready either but I had two surviving children who wanted to celebrate Christmas. They experienced many magical Christmas memories so my daughter once wrote in a Christmas greeting card. How could I take that away from them? I tried to figure out how to handle the holidays I’m never going to be ready for in places I may never be settled in. I thought…as long as we have the stockings up and Christmas tree and cookies ready, then let the holidays come!
I decorated our new home (our new normal?) with the treasures that speak of our Christmas history, finding joy in the memories they sparked. As I caressed Luijoe’s stockings on my cheeks , the flood of memories spill out. It was even more stressful during the first Christmas without my son. I wasn’t ready for the clutch of pain that wrapped my heart in grief as I placed the ornaments on our tree. Oh yes, I have learned through the years. I brought some of the old, added a few pieces of new and practiced the art of blending yesterday with today in hopes of creating another memory for tomorrow. That’s how the “Christmas Angels theme” evolved in our home, in honor of our own angel, Luijoe.
I created two color themes for our Christmas decors, the traditional red and green for the informal family den and burgundy, purple and silver theme in the formal living area. Maybe I just wanted to be creative and innovated for the sake of my new normal , my new life without my son. I never got the chance to be in total despair because I baked Christmas goodies like sugar cookies , food for the gods, fruit cake and the Gingerbread man cookies. I started the Christmas Angel themes as a symbol that Luijoe is not far from home, that he lives with us. Joyful activities like baking and decorating proved therapeutic as it evoked feelings of love for my children. I continued to survive because of that love. The spicy aroma of cinnamon, nutmeg and mace that wafted our house brought warm childhood memories. Blending this old tradition with new tradition helped me cope with grief during the holidays.
I notice the difference in my husband’s grief during the holidays. Butch is more cheerful. There are less tears yet I know the pain is still there. The heart never forgets, even when the world does. It looks like we’re getting better, improving either with time and patience. Or maybe because it is simply becoming a thread in the continuing fabric of our new normal. The fact that Butch bought Christmas Lanterns is a huge step in the grief journey during the dreaded holidays.
The change in mood happened six years ago. It came as a surprise when my husband wanted to go to Divisoria. I asked “what will we do there?”
His reply “buy ribbons”. I raised my eyebrows. We have never been to Divisoria together in the longest time. . Then he added “I noticed you are running out of red and green ribbons” . Wow, he noticed these minute details when in the past he was oblivious to anything that glittered in the household. I believe I learned to be more creative because of the artistic streak from my husband. He wanted me to have my usual supply of beautiful, color-coordinated ribbons to adorn our Christmas presents and cookie baskets. (Remember I have two sets of Christmas color themes?)
I look forward to the holiday season more than ever. I smile and sigh that finally my husband is able to handle the holidays a little bit better. I gather in my blessings and count them all. I count the blessings of the most important people in my life and I find the peace that comes with counting a holiday of joy remembered and love shared. Love never dies, and the light always shines in our hearts and home.
“To children, stuffed animals like teddy bears are more than toys. They’re imaginary friends who are effective comfort givers in times of extreme stress and fear, helping them heal from trauma and tragedy” – A Thousand Bearhugs Project
My friend, Cathy Babao is once again spearheading the Bear Hug project which she started for the children in Bicol in 2006. Around this time last year, super-typhoon Reming (Durian) caused so much havoc in Bicol like no other. Not even World War two was like this. Cathy also organized the same Bear Hug project in Sendong stricken areas and the Negros Quake.
And now Davao Oriental. I cannot begin to imagine their trauma in losing their homes, and even loved ones.
Storm “Pablo” “washed away entire villages and hamlets, wiped out roads and bridges; flattened cornfields and banana plantations; wrecked fishing fleets; and buried homes under landslides and walls of mud.
Sonny Tadanon, a fisherman and a father of nine, said at the evacuation center in the town of Davao Oriental recounts. ““I’ve lived here all my life and I am now 45, but I have not experienced anything like this before” .
Julius Julian Rebucas, told Reuters that his mother and brother had been swept away in a flash flood. ““I no longer have a family,” he said.The young boy recalls the last thing his mother said was ‘I love you”.  ““It’s sad because I no longer have a family.”
When you hear this terrible news, one begins to ask is there anything one can do? There are many ways to help and one way to help out is checking our closet for plushies, stuffed toys or teddy bears that you can donate to the children of Davao Oriental.
Donate a teddy bear.
Send your donations to Sto. Domingo Convent, Information Center, 537 Quezon Avenue.
Please take time out from the Christmas rush to see if there are any stuffed toys or teddy bears your children no longer use.
Every bear that arrives matters because it counts towards making one more child happy. To share and to give is the true essence of the season. I pray that you help us make the thousand bears a reality. Think of one bear as one smile, one hug – one young life given joy and love this Christmas.
Two thousand years ago, a child was (and is) the reason why we celebrate the most important holiday of the year.
Communities across the globe are joining in The Compassionate Friends on its 16th Annual Worldwide Candle Lighting on December 9, 2012.
16th Worldwide Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting
 Where: Kiosk area of the Church of the Risen Lord,
 Laurel Avenue, UP Campus, QC
 Map : Check this google map:http://goo.gl/maps/fXzmQ
 When Date: Sunday , December 9, 2012
Time: 5:00 to 8:00 PM
Contact me here.
Here is a simple memorial which you can do at home with four candles.
16th Worldwide Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting
 Where: Kiosk area of the Church of the Risen Lord,
 Laurel Avenue, UP Campus, QC
 Map : Check this google map:http://goo.gl/maps/fXzmQ
 When Date: Sunday , December 9, 2012
Time: 5:00 to 8:00 PM
Holidays are a season of cheer and happiness for many of us. For others it serves as a constant reminder of their loved ones who are no longer with them.
On the second Sunday of December, parents worldwide join together and light candles for their dead children.
For 12 years, parents gathered on the second Sunday in December in homes, churches, parks and gyms. Sunday night, families all around the world lighted candles at 7 p.m. in remembrance of their beloved children. It has been 4 years for the Compassionate Friends Philippines.
“You wish you could be naive again, go back to your life the way it was,” said Kristy Mueller, who organized the South Bay candle-lighting ceremony in Palos Verdes Estates in the USA.
“But you can’t,” she said. “You don’t get over it. . . . And this is a hard time of the year. When you can’t help but think about what you’re missing.”
For many of bereaved parents, this is a difficult month. Holiday traditions bring families together, but they also spotlight grief and amplify loss.
The company of other parents is part of what made Sunday’s candle-lighting so special.
Our candle lighting ceremony is usually simple with traditional Christmas music being played softly, candlelight videos, poems read , stories of our children shared, candles lit  but it was packed with meaning.
A fellow parent wrote this poignant poem in Tagalog.
Sa Bawat Hakbang
by Vilma Dee
Sisinghap singhap ako’y nagsikap
Upang sa kalaliman ng dagat ako’y umahon
Tila ba sabik sa salubong mong yakap
Tulad ng hamog sa sariwang dahon
Unti-unti mula sa kawalang hanggan
Lagusan ng kamalayan aking narating
Tila ba sabik sa salubong mong yakap
Tulad ng maog sa sariwang dahon
Ano’t nasilaw sa bagong mundo
Sa dating payapa ngayo’y magulo
Tila ba lahat sabik ako’y masdan
Tulad sa hamog ng sariwang dahon
Di malimot unang haplos na iyon
Maipadamang pagmamahal tanging layon
Tula ba lahat sabik ako’y masdan
Tulad ng hamog sa sariwang dahon
Sa unang hakbang kamay mo’y kaagapay
Lahat ng gawin nais mo tayo’y sabay
Tula ba sabik na ako sa iyo’y matulad
Tulad ng paruparo mula sa kanlungan
Kay ganda din pala buhay sa lupa
Nguni’t di singganda ng tahanan ng MANGHUHULMA
Tila ba nagising sa mahabang paghimlay
Tulad ng paruoparo mula sa kanlungan
Sa piling mo nadama ko kaibang pagsinta
Nguni’t di singtulad ng pagibig ng MANLILIKHA
Tila ba nagising sa mahabang paghimlay
Tulad ng paruparo mula sa kanlungan
Iglap lang pala tayo’y magkakasama
Salamat AMA sa maikling magsasadula
Tila ba napagod sa pagsamantalang laya
Ngayo’y bumalik sa IYO puno ng sigla
AKING AMA, ako’y narito na
Dala ang masayang kwento sa lupa
Mula sa pansamantalang laya
ANAK mong ito’y muli kang bibigyang saya
“In stories and posts flooding Vancouver’s social media networks, #RIPAmanda is trending as people post news and condolences for the teen identified as posting the video, Amanda Todd.
In a post on its Facebook page, G Force Gym, Home of the Vancouver All Stars cheerleaders, wrote:
Today we feel the loss of our former VAS family member Amanda… I ask that we all watch her video and share her story so that her loss is not in vain. Allow this to be her legacy… Allow us all to look around & find the next Amanda before another precious spunky teenager is lost. We have a responsibility today… Is there a kid in your school that made a mistake and is being shunned? Your challenge is to be a LEADER … Be the Game Changers you are and sit with them today… reach out… smile… let them know that they are NOT alone in this harsh world. It’s always EASY to do the EASY thing; we teach you to NOT do what is easy and instead, do what is right!! You will be surprised, how many people will follow YOU when you stick up for what is Right and honorable AND, forgiving those that have made mistakes in their YOUTH is the RIGHT thing to do!!
In the video, the teen told her story that was printed phrase by phrase on sheets of paper that she held up for the camera.
““I’m struggling to stay in this world, because everything just touches me so deeply. I’m not doing this for attention. I’m doing this to be an inspiration and to show that I can be strong. I did things to myself to make pain go away, because I’d rather hurt myself then someone else. Haters are haters but please don’t hate, although im sure I’ll get them. I hope I can show you guys that everyone has a story, and everyones future will be bright one day, you just gotta pull through. I’m still here aren’t I ?” was the message accompanying the video post.
The video echoed another that the teen commented on through YouTube. That video, entitled My Story: Suicide and Bullying was uploaded by Mollydoyle18 on YouTube. It was clear from the comments that Amanda wanted to contact Molly in a private message and apparently she reached her. Commenting on Amanda’s video, Molly wrote:
““Rest in peace and fly high to Amanda Todd. I was just messaging her about almost a week ago, and I just found out that she has taken her life. She was asking me about how to be an inspiration to others and to get her video more views, and now I have found out that she has passed away… This is a terrible tragedy. I wish she could have had her happy ending.”
Bullying is NEVER okay. Rest easy, Amanda. I’m so sorry to her family. “
I cannot fathom the cruelty of these bullies. How does one even comprehend wishing someone’s death? Are kids all that mean? I have written before that bullying should be the concern of everyone: the school, the teachers, the students, the community and the government.
Amanda’s death reminds us that Bullying should STOP now.
Even if my children are all adults now, I still think of the children who may be possibly be affected by bullying. That is why I talk in schools about cyberbullying prevention. Perhaps cyberbullying is not as widespread in the Philippines but empowerment is the key. Children need to be part of the solution and not wait to be victims. I talked about taking the pro-active role in the prevention of cyber-bullying. I presented a video on cyber bullying awareness with catchy lyrics from Taylor Swift’s song entitled “Mean”.
Let us not wait for another death . All of us need to step up so others won’t get stepped on.
Bullying should not be tolerated. Bullying damages the physical, social, and emotional well-being of its victims.
““Bullying is NOT pre-wired, harmless, or inevitable
Bullying IS learned, harmful, and controllable
Bullying SPREADS if supported or left unchecked
Bullying INVOLVES everyoneâ€â€bullies, victims, and bystanders
Bullying CAN BE effectively stopped or entirely prevented”
Everyone from the parents, educators, the students and community should stand up and voice out that bullying should stop. Domestic violence should stop. Preventing and stopping bullying involves a commitment to creating a safe environment where children can thrive, socially and academically, without being afraid.
STOP BULLYING. Make a stand to stop bullying in any form.
If you are a regular reader of my blog, you must have come across the mis-adventures of our handsome cat.. Kylee, the Applehead Siamese pet kitty of my daughter Lauren. I’ve written numerous times about him: here, here, and here.
The sad news came in the middle of a roundtable discussion this afternoon about the cybercrime law. My daughter sent an SMS that Kylee died. I couldn’t be there to comfort her (and my daughter in Australia). I already knew something was not quite right with Kylee that morning. The night before, the vet came over to check on Kylee and arrived with a diagnosis that Kylee suffered a bout of pneumonia. You know I always thought Kylee would overcome this latest health battle . He suffered a stroke two months ago but Kylee managed to walk again after being paralyzed for a few days. I guess Kylee was preparing us for his death. I cried thinking he was dying yet he survived.
But today was different. Kylee felt cold to the touch as I cupped his face and stroked his fur. He let out a small meow as I thanked him for the beautiful memories and how he lived a full life. I thanked him for the joy he brought to our lives. Good thing I had cradled him to let him know how much he was loved by all of us. I never thought Kylee would leave us that day.
But why fuss over a cat? I lost five family members including the devastating loss of my beautiful son. I treat Kylee and our cats as members of our family. I am at a loss of words. Butch Dalisay who lost his pet cat a year ago, says it well:
What is it we grieve for when we lose our pets? Perhaps the passing of our own time, of affection freely given and fully rewarded, and of that rarest of relationships in this age of Facebook friendship , a pure, uncomplicated love nourished by touch and gesture instead of speech.
There are just so many memories. I recall the day I picked up Kylee from the pet store in 1999. He was so tiny that he could fit on the palms of my hand. Among the two kittens, I chose Kylee because he was the most playful . The shop owner gave me a male cat when Lauren wanted a female kitty. We only found out a few months later. Good thing Kylie (original spelling) can also be for males (Kylee).
He outlived our 6 year old son. This feline holds a special place in our family because of the memories of Luijoe playing and caring for this cat. An unusual thing happened on the day my son died. According to the helpers, Kylee slept on Luijoe’s pillow the whole day. That was the only time they saw this strange behavior . Did Kylee have a sixth sense that Luijoe died?
Kylee is a music lover who enjoys listening to the girls playing the piano by sitting on top of the piano. Sometimes he plods , paw by paw on the piano keys as he listens to his own kitty melody. Singing along with my daughter is another music activity but when he’s overwhelmed with the soprano pitch, he ends up nipping her hand. nanggigil.
I know I could not just bury him anywhere. We don’t have much of garden so I thought of pet cremation services. While my daughter was on the other line, I told her I wanted Kylee cremated. Within a few minutes, I looked for my twitter friend @angelicumOda who owned Rainbow Bridge Pet Aftercare Services but they were non-operational that week. I was glad he referred me to Dr. Manny of Pet Valley who arranged to pick up Kylee at our home. Lauren seemed happy with the funeral arrangements. Cremation is a means to permanently memorialize our pet in some special way.
I also felt that cremation is a proper and dignified tribute to Kylee’s life. It gives us the opportunity to do the last gesture of love and appreciation to a companion that we considerered nothing less than a family member and who deserves nothing but the best. Lauren chose a ceramic urn that allowed an inscription of a dedication. Since Kylee loved the piano, the urn will be placed on top of it.
I rushed home hoping I could still give Kylee one last pat before “Pet Valley” arrived. Just my luck as I drove inside the garage, the van arrived. I caught Lauren and Marco at the living room with Kylee lying on a blue blanket. We made the final arrangements including the type of urn to be used. With a heavy heart, Lauren slowly wrapped Kylee with the blanket and carried him over to the man.
It was time to let go. Good bye Kylee. Thanks for the 14 years of companionship. I patted his head. Then my husband and I hugged Lauren.
I noticed something strange in my blog referrals. There is an upsurge of suicide image searches in my blog which points to the Suicide Prevention page. Thank you Google. That has been the trend for many months now but in the past two days, there is just way too much reference to it.
I recall the same upsurge when someone surfed on the sensational suicide death in 2008 of 19 year old boy Abraham K. Biggs which was viewed on justin.tv. He took a fatal drug overdose in front of an Internet audience. Although some viewers contacted the web site to notify police, authorities did not reach his house in time.
In this news article, Webcam of son’s death appalls dad , Abraham Biggs Sr. said those who watched and the Web site operators share some blame in his 19-year-old son’s death.
“I think they are all equally wrong,” he said. “It’s a person’s life that we’re talking about. And as a human being, you don’t watch someone in trouble and sit back and just watch.”
I know for a fact that these kids were taught to report any suicide thoughts of their peers to their teacher or school authorities. For some reason, they did not take him seriously because he had threatened suicide on the site before but this is actually a clue already. Most suicidal people give warning signs in the hope that they will be rescued, because they are intent on stopping their emotional pain, not on dying. But not many know that.
My heart goes out to the father.
“It’s a shame I wasn’t there to help him. It’s a big loss to me. I wish I was there to help him–since nobody else would.”
If parents of suicide victims only knew that their children would kill themselves, I am sure they would have done all they can to save their lives. Suicide is a significant cause of death in many western countries, in some cases exceeding deaths by motor vehicle accidents annually.
I have met a few parents who lost their children to suicide and never did they imagine that their child would kill themselves. They often ask themselves ” How could I have prevented it? or I didn’t know”
Typical warning signs which are often exhibited by people who are feeling suicidal include:
– Withdrawing from friends and family.
– Depression, broadly speaking; not necessarily a diagnosable mental illness
such as clinical depression, but indicated by signs such as:
– Loss of interest in usual activities.
– Showing signs of sadness, hopelessness, irritability.
– Changes in appetite, weight, behavior, level of activity or
sleep patterns.
– Loss of energy.
– Making negative comments about self.
– Recurring suicidal thoughts or fantasies.
– Sudden change from extreme depression to being `at peace’ (may
indicate that they have decided to attempt suicide).
– Talking, Writing or Hinting about suicide.
– Previous attempts.
– Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.
– Purposefully putting personal affairs in order:
– Giving away possessions.
– Sudden intense interest in personal wills or life insurance.
– `Clearing the air’ over personal incidents from the past.
The presence of one or more of these warning signs is not intended as a guarantee that the person is suicidal: the only way to know for sure is to ask them.
I hope the boy’s death is not in vain. The boy’s father believes the webcast was a cry for help.
“But rather than get help, he was ignored,” Biggs said. “I would not want to see anything like that on the Internet and not try and get help for that young man. I think that’s what the average person would do. Any normal person would do. I’m really appalled.”
An average person really does not know when a suicide is about to happen. If most of us knew, then there would have been very minimal suicide deaths.
Somehow, I hope my Suicide Prevention page can help save a life in the future.
A final word: if you have a suicidal friend or family member, please don’t use the line Kasalanan yan (Thinking about suicide is a sin). The suicidal person needs medical help NOW. NOT a lecture, please.
Suicide prevention is everybody’s business. Suicide should no longer be considered a taboo topic, and that through raising awareness and educating the public, we can SAVE lives.
Suicide Prevention Hotline Numbers
USA Suicide Prevention hotline
In an emergency, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK
Philippine Suicide Prevention Hotline
Office Address: 2/F, 48 McKinley Road, North Forbes Park, Makati City, Metro Manila, Philippines
Office Phones: +63 2 8931893 /8106233
Fax: +63 2 8931892
Website: www.in-touch.org
E-mail: intouch@i-manila.com.ph
Crisis Line: +63 2 8937603 /+63 2 8937606 (24/7)
Mobile Text messaging: type hello crisisline and send to 2333 (Globe) or 211 (Smart)
“There is sadness in parting, but it should fill us with new hope.” – Fr. Ambrose
Fr. Kulandairaj Ambrose of Missionaries of the Poor delivered a beautiful homily for Secretary Robredo. I like this quote the most “Sec. Jesse passed away doing what he loved the most, going home.”
Here are some snippets which I culled from @piahontiveros and others from twitter. You can also watch the video below from @ancalerts:
Some quotable quotes from his homily:
“Ninoy said the Filipino is worthdyingfor. Today, another great Filipino, SecJesse hasshown every Filipino is worth dying for.”
I met Jesse 20 years ago. 2 things impressed me about Mayor Jesse. He was a MAN OF THE FAMILY and a MAN OF THE POOR.
“Why me? When Atty Leni asked if I would celebrate the mass? A simple missionary priest…
“I am a priest of the missionaries of the poor from Jamaica.”
“I speak in behalf of the tsinelas people.”
Typhoon Reming, 2006. I was shocked when the Mayor’s car drove into our center. He came to find out if everyone was safe.
He was always there for us.He was there whenever we needed him. and even when we didn’t need him.
Who is the other woman in the life of Mayor Jesse, Bicolanos?? Ina! Viva la Virgen!
The VOPs. The very ordinary people. His “inclusivist” attitude.
to the family: in you we see Sec Jesse’s spirit of humility.
He was there for you. He was there for me. He was there for everyone. We all felt appreciated by Sec. Jesse.
in you we see Sec Jesse’s spirit of humility.
Sec. Jesse passed away doing what he loved the most, going home.
There is sadness in parting, but it should fill us with new hope.”
Grief is in the news once again. Once in a blue moon (hopefully not often enough), you may encounter a friend or relative reeling in pain because they lost someone. It can be an awkward situation if you don’t know what to do or not do. There really are no words to convey how sorry you feel or show how you feel. But there are words that can hurt and will not help at all. Having been 7 years with the Compassionate friends , a grief support group…the most common complaint that I hear from bereaved parents is the insensitive comments that they have to hear in the early days of grief.
You have to remember their loss is devastating so the bereaved is a bit more sensitive.
Their grief is so fresh.
The pain is raw.
How does one comfort a newly bereaved parent? One of our mission in The Compassionate Friends is… to provide information to help others be supportive.
Let me give you a few examples of words that don’t help the newly bereaved. A lot have been written about words of comfort from other bereavement sites but others are also culled from experience. A compilation of some hurting words were based on a recent meeting of members of the Compassionate Friends.
It’s God’s will.
( Don’t they understand that I can’t accept this as God’s will? I have so many questions at this point of my grief)
Buti ka pa, may anghel ka na (Good thing you have an angel)
(Don’t they understand that I’d rather have my child with me.)
He’s in a better place.
( This is the better place. With me)
God needed another flower in His garden.
( What about MY garden?!)
She’s better off now/not in any pain
(Don’t they know I remember the pain my child might have suffered before she died?)
Your child wouldn’t want you to be so sad.
( How do you know?)
Magkaanak ka pa ( you will have another child)
(Maybe, but no one can replace my child.)
If there’s anything I can do, let me know.
(Can’t they understand that my mind is so numb I can’t even think of what needs to be done?)
Come on, get over his death already. Hope you get over the pain of his death.
( As if we can close the chapter of a child we loved dearly.)
Bakit malungkot ka pa? Pinaghirpan mo lang sarili mo (Why are you sad? You’re just making it difficult for yourself.)
(uhh… I don’t know … maybe it’s because my child died.)
Of course these wonderful, concerned, well-meaning friends don’t know. They can only guess how the newly bereaved feel. They haven’t personally known (thank God) the disbelief, the shock, the anger of losing a child. Instead of bringing relief, those words just seem to add to the hurt and the grief. There are no words that will make it all right that someone we loved has died. But there are words that can soothe the hurt, ease the loneliness and add to the healing.
Some words that might probably bring comfort are:
“I’m here and I don’t have a clue as to how to help, but I’m here, and together we’ll figure this thing out.”
““I know you must be hurting terribly. You had such a good life together, the pain must be awful. You need to express your anger, your frustration. I know it must be hard for you to believe that God is a loving God who will support you through this horrible tragedy.”
“Grieve well. One day you will cease to remember him with tears and instead remember him with smiles.”
In the end, words don’t take away the pain. It only eases the pain. Let them tell their story . Talk about their child. If they don’t want to talk, it’s alright to just be there. Sometimes saying nothing, giving a hug or holding their hand can bring comfort.
I noticed something strange in my blog referrals. There is an upsurge of suicide image searches in my blog which points to the 
