“I Met You” documentary: A bereaved mother reunites with her deceased daughter in virtual reality

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A mother reunites with her deceased child in virtual reality. Below is the English translation of the video.

A tear trickled down my cheek as I watched the grief-stricken mother meet her beloved daughter in Virtual Reality (VR) because I missed my precious child. If only I could hold my Luijoe once again. If only Luijoe was here beside me. If only my dreams were reality. I have held him many times in my dream and in my mind. But if you have experienced VR, it feels so real as if you are really there.

This special TV documentary in South Korea showed the tearful reunion of a grief-stricken mother and her little girl, who died of an incurable disease at the age of seven, in the virtual world.

Jang Ji-sung, the mother of four children, said of the moment she met her deceased daughter, Nayeon. “Maybe it’s a real paradise..I met Nayeon, who called me with a smile, for a very short time, but it’s a very happy time. I think I’ve had the dream I’ve always wanted.”

I am sure the VR made the mother happy because I always want to see my son even if it is just a dream. Would you ever want to see your loved on on virtual reality? It’s been 20 years since my son passed away so I am uncertain if I want to see him in virtual reality.  Dreams will do.

You can watch the video below. It;s poignant so be prepared to tear up. I did not expect to cry. I remind myself that I would not have been a blogger if it I didn’t use the opportunity to share hope. This life is my new normal and I am still grateful to find joy despite the sorrow.

Watch.

(Here is the English translation from kayyess in YouTube with slight edits on syntax)

Mom: Where are you?

Daughter: Mom! Mom! Mom, where were you?

Mom: I was always..

Daughter: Mom, did you think about me?

Mom: Every day.

Daughter: Mom, I missed you a lot.

Mom: I missed you too. My dear Nayeon, Nayeon. You have been doing well right? I missed you a lot. Nayeon, you are doing well right? My beautiful Nayeon, I really want to hug you in my arms, I really missed you.

Daughter: Mom, am I pretty? I am right?

Mom: You are really really beautiful, my Nayeon. Nayeon… I just want to be able to touch you once more…

Mom: I’d look at the sky and talk and wave to it. If you see a crazy woman waving at the sky, that’s me.

Daughter: Mom I’m cold.

Mom: Why are you cold.

Daughter: Mom, put your hand like this.

Mom: Like this?

Daughter: Mom, it’s nice to hold my hand right?

Mom: Yes, I want to hold it dearly.

Daughter: But if you hold it up like this, we are going up into the sky.

Mom: Really? Aw Nayeon, you are wearing those flip-flops you really like.

Daughter: Mom, are you scared?

Mom: No I am not scared!

Daughter: Tada! I will show you a pretty house.

Mom: Its Twilight!

Daughter: My mom is visiting today! Say hi!

Mom: Hi!!

Daughter: Mom, sit here.

Mom: Here?

Daughter: Hurry!

Mom: Alright alright, I’m sitting!

Daughter: Mom, lets celebrate my birthday!

Mom: Okay, one, two, three, four.

Daughter: Can you put in more candles?

Mom: Okay, six and seven.

Daughter: Wow it’s so pretty!

(Daughter takes a picture, Mom poses)

Sibling: Her face is a little different

Daughter: Lets sing happy birthday

Mom: Happy birthday to dear Nayeon, Happy birthday to you!

Dad: Rice cakes, small round ones, in green, pink, and white that’s filled with melted sugar, Nayeon really wanted to eat them. She said when she’s out of the hospital; she wanted those rice cakes but we weren’t able to do that for her.

Mom: Happy birthday to you!

Daughter: I am gonna make a wish! I wish that my dad would stop smoking.

Mom: Haha yes.

Daughter: I wish my older brother and sister would not fight, and that my younger sister won’t get sick and I wish that my mom won’t cry.

Together: One, two, three, (blows out candles).

Daughter: I love the seaweed soup mom makes the best.

Mom: I remember, you liked that dish I made the best. Still do.

Daughter: Wow, mom the flowers are blooming!

Mom: they are!

(Mom waves)

Mom: She was just over there.

Daughter: Mom, come over here! Mom, here! (Gives flower) Mom you saw me right? I am not sick anymore.

Mom: Yes you can’t be sick anymore, you cant be sick.

Daughter: Mom are you sad? Mom don’t cry anymore.

Mom: I won’t cry, I won’t cry, I won’t miss you but I will love you, love you more and more.

Daughter: Mom, I wrote you a letter. Do you want me to read it?

Mom: Yes.

Daughter: Mom, we are always together, right? Next time we meet, lets play a lot okay? I will cherish and remember you for a long time too.

Mom: Thank you. I love you so much Nayeon, wherever you are, I will come find you, I have some things to do, when I am done, I will come to you. When that day comes, lets get along okay? I love you, Nayeon.

Daughter: Mom, I’m tired. Mom stay beside me. Goodbye mom… I love you mom…

Mom: Me too. Good bye~

“May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you feel safe. May you live your life with ease.”

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: 4 wishes for my children

I am not a very religious person but I believe in prayers. I often drop by this quaint little chapel in Eastwood or the one in Greenbelt. See, my children don’t live with me anymore and I worry as most parents do. My only comfort is in prayers as it lessens my anxiety.

My prayers are always for my children: May they be safe, may they be happy and may they be healthy.

A friend shared me a 20-minute loving-kindness practice to help us extend compassion to ourselves, those around us, and the larger world. It is beautiful and reminds me of my own prayer except for the last line which I now believe I will add in my future prayers:

May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you feel safe.
May you live your life with ease.

Yes, I will add “May you live your life with ease.”

I will picture my two children and wish them with these four phrases:

May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you feel safe.
May you live your life with ease.

Listen to this:

But this loving compassion practice is not just for my children. This is for ourselves and the larger world. I must remind myself that I also deserve happiness. Life is not perfect. Maybe if I pray for my friends , difficult people, and the world, there might be some measure of peace.

Without any sort of demand, I will offer the same wishes I extended to my children:

“May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I feel safe.
May I live my life with ease.”

This loving-kindness practice is also for the whole family.

I will picture my family as well and think:

“May all of us be happy.
May all of us be healthy.
May all of us feel safe.
May we all live our lives with ease.”

And if my husband and I are having challenges, I will also picture the same:

“May we both be happy.
May we both be healthy.
May we both feel safe.
May we both live our lives with ease.”

To you my dear readers, I also wish the same.

May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you feel safe.
May you live your life with ease.

How to Smile (for photos)

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Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. ~Mother Teresa

With the advent of selfies, looking good in the pic matters or else, why take selfies at all?

A few years ago, my friends lamented , “Why do you manage to look so nice in all the photos? ” We were making goofy faces with the photo booth in Dine’s macbook and all of us were having a ball experimenting with our smiles. I glanced at the photo and caught my usual upper smile, my mouth slightly open with the upper teeth seen. I tell them “the secret is because I practiced the art of smiling since my teen years.” Let me tell you why.

As the daughter of a very fair skinned mom, my cruel uncles ( the brothers of my mom) often teased I was “negra”. I was made to believe that being “negra” is ugly. What has color got to do with beauty anyway? I grew up believing I was ugly which in effect made me shy and feeling well “ugly”. I don’t know why my mother never stopped my uncles from calling me such horrible names. Then I became a teenager. I was fixing the bed of my mom and caught a reflection of myself in the mirror. I tossed my long glossy straight hair and then stared at my face . I smiled at my reflection and liked what I saw . I said to myself “You’re not ugly after all.” Maybe I was just being narcissistic after seeing myself with a smile instead of a scowl but from that day on, I smiled at my reflection whenever I passed by the mirror.

It helped that I got the smiling genes of my jolly father.
daddy.jpg

My sisters also got the smiling genes.

(Taken 2010.)

But despite perfecting the art of smiling, there was a time I couldn’t smile. Look at my no-glow smile photo below. Sure, my lips curve back and my mouth opens to expose the upper teeth but my eyes are lifeless. This was during the darkest moments of my grief journey and the time I suffered from borderline obesity.
not_smiling.jpg

See, there’s more to smiling than just moving the lips.

How does one develop a genuine, infectious smile?

It starts inside of you. If you are happy, it radiates and shows in the twinkle of your eyes.

1. Believe that you are beautiful inside and out. Your smile is bound to look better if you feel good about yourself!

2. Look in the mirror and start practicing until it becomes a natural reaction.

    • You have no need for the “The Beauty Smile Trainer” a mouthpiece designed specifically to make your smile wider and more amicable than the one you already have.
    • Every mouth is shaped differently and there types of smiles which work only for you. Check the 5 types of smiles which suit you.

Determine your best smile.

3. Smile with your eyes. When we think of smiling, we think of the mouth, but the eyes may actually be more essential to a warm, genuine smile. Once your eyes are smiling, they tend to pull your whole face (including your mouth) into a natural, beautiful smile. Here is a tip on how to smile with the eyes

Smiling with your eyes is difficult to describe–in general your cheekbones lift slightly and your eyebrows dip a little–but when you see it, you know it: it’s that look of your eyes “lighting up” or “twinkling.” To get a feel for how to make your eyes smile, get in front of a mirror and practice smiling, but concentrate only on your eyes. You may find it helpful to cover the lower part of your face with a piece of paper. Play around with it a bit, and you’ll find that you can make your mouth smile when your eyes aren’t smiling, and you can also smile only with your eyes. When your eyes do smile, remember how it feels, which muscles are working and how. With practice, you’ll be able to smile with your eyes at will.

4. Take practice shots from your digital camera. Raise your chin slightly if your photos tend to show your flabby chin. Knowing your best angle also helps.

5. Just have fun. Be in a happy state of mind and the smile will show.

The smiles show in my family.

How do you smile? Do you have other tips that developed your winning smile?

Year of the Earth Pig Lucky Jade Charm and Tolerance

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Happy Chinese New Year. February 5, 2019 thru January 24, 2020 is the Year of the EARTH PIG. A lot of stalls are sprouting out in shopping malls selling all sorts of cute pig charms to celebrate the Lunar Chinese New Year. My husband, Butch’ Chinese Zodiac sign is the pig. Maybe he believes in pig charms and the symbolism it represents. Holding up a fake jade pig charm, he observes that the pig charm bore many piglets. The sales lady at the mall says “swerte yan sir” (That’s good luck). Butch bought this pig charm for $5.00 and told me that the green pig complements the color scheme of our new living room. Right! I teased him.

What do these lucky pig charms really mean?

Grandmaster Lin Yun says that the PIG is the most blessed of the animals of the Chinese zodiac. The horse draws a cart, the ox plows the fields, the goat provides milk, the rooster lets you know when morning has come, and the dog stands guard at night, but the pig is obligated to do nothing at all except sleep, eat and sleep some more. Haha, how lazy is that? The pig is happy go lucky, easy going, and eager to avoid conflict. Don’t you think people should adopt a more easy-go-lucky attitude to tolerate others and strive to live life free of conflict? Life is full of conflicts but trivial conflicts can be avoided.

Whether one is of Chinese descent or not, people need to be patient, and tolerate the idiosyncracies of others. What does tolerance mean exactly?

I realized the meaning of tolerance when I got married. It happened on the first night of our honeymoon. Oh my god, Butch hogged the bed with his legs sprawled all over the bed space. I tried the practice of tolerance when he’d mess up the room. I wasn’t all that tolerant. I was too obsessive with the orderliness of my physical space.

The practice of a healthy and loving tolerance of myself started when my grief journey hit rock bottom. The constant bickering with my family in so little matters forced me to be more open to new approaches. It started with myself. I set healthy boundaries and trusted myself to own my power with people.

I learned to

1. Tolerate my quirks, my ups and downs, my humanness, my struggling and awkward nature.
2. Tolerate my fears, mistakes, my need to occasionally feel superior and to sometimes feel ashamed.
3. Tolerate my instinctive desire to control and learn detachment with love.
4. Tolerate my tendency to get obsessive and forgetting to trust God.

There are some things I do not tolerate. I do not tolerate abusive behaviors or destructive behaviors towards others or myself. Often , I get the ire of abusive people when I exert my stand on their destructive behaviors. But that’s another story.

When I learned healthy and loving tolerance, I learned tolerance for others. I also learned that the humanness I tolerated is what makes myself and others beautiful.

We don’t need the lucky pig charm  to remind us of healthy tolerance to ourselves and others.

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through.

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To all my visitors, may you have a Blessed Christmas. May the warmth and love of family and friends that make the holiday season so memorable. May peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through. Merry Christmas everyone.

Peace and Joy to all.

From the Dado Family

To those who have lost a child, here is a poem for you:

Christmas message
Luijoe’s last Christmas with us, 1999

Twas the month before Christmas
and I dreaded the days,
That I knew I was facing the holiday craze.
The stores were all filled with holiday lights,
In hopes of drawing customers
by day and by night.
As others were making their holiday plans,
My heart was breaking – I couldn’t understand.
I had lost my dear child a few years before,
And I knew what my holiday had in store.
When out of nowhere, there arose such a sound,
I sprang to my feet and was looking around,
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash
The sight that I saw took my breath away,
And my tears turned to smiles in the light of the day.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a cluster of butterflies fluttering near.
With beauty and grace they performed a dance,
I knew in a moment this wasn’t by chance.
The hope that they gave me was a sign from above,
That my child was still near me and that I was loved.
The message they brought was my holiday gift,
And I cried when I saw them in spite of myself.
As I knelt closer to get a better view,
One allowed me to pet it – as if it knew –
That I needed the touch of its fragile wings,
To help me get through the holiday scene.
In the days that followed I carried the thought,
Of the message the butterflies left in my heart –
That no matter what happens or what days lie ahead,
Our children are with us – they’re not really dead.
Yes, the message of the butterflies still rings in my ears,
A message of hope – a message so dear.
And I imagined they sang as they flew out of sight,
“To all bereaved parents – We love you tonight!”

By Faye McCord

christmas message

Luijoe and my family, 1998

No Christmas Tree?

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The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others’ burdens, easing other’s loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas.
-W. C. Jones

antiChristmasTree
““I have not put up any Christmas ornaments for the past 19 years. Never! What for when my family is not here. I cannot enjoy Christmas without them,” a bereaved parent once said.

He is not alone in his feelings. It is difficult to celebrate what once were beautiful, happy days. I remember how my husband dreaded Christmas day, the first without our son. He didn’t like to see the Christmas tree but I placed it anyway because I had two girls looking forward to Christmas day which has always been a joyful day to celebrate. I am thankful I opened my heart to my children and allowed them to help me embrace Christmas that year. In doing so, we renewed our strength and spirit together and we found the courage we needed to go on and enjoy life. It wasn’t the same reaction with my husband. It took him five more years to let Christmas come back to his life. And that was the year he learned that life can become good and whole and complete once again.

Why does Christmas or the holidays just make it difficult?

While most of the world seems to be addressing holiday greeting cards and planning holiday menus, the bereaved are struggling with other concerns: HOW LONG DOES GRIEF LAST? WILL THE HOLIDAYS ALWAYS BE THIS AWFUL? WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE EMPTY PLACE AT THE TABLE? WHAT IS THERE TO BE THANKFUL FOR THIS YEAR?

For many, Christmas is a special time of year. Although pretty packages and twinkling lights are the window dressing for this exciting festivity, it is the warmth and love of family and friends that make the holiday season so memorable. It can be a painful time for those experiencing the recent loss of a loved one.

I know there are others out there feeling similar losses.

If you are facing Christmas alone for the first time, I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust and share your feelings with them. Devote a place and time before Christmas Day in which you can openly honor your loved one and acknowledge your feelings. On Christmas Day, intentionally set your focus on family and friends who not only share in your loss, but who bring precious gifts of love and support to aid in your healing journey.

How To Help Yourself Through The Holidays

sad_happy_face_christmas_card

At this time you will be acutely aware of the voids in your life. You may find yourself wishing to go straight from December 24 to December 26; it is hard to continually hear Christmas carols playing and people saying ““Merry Christmas”, or to see the perfect gift and realize the person is no longer alive to enjoy it.

Here are some suggestions that may help to make your holiday season a little easier.

1. Family gatherings may be extremely difficult. Be honest with each other about your feelings; sit down and decide what you all want to do for the holiday season. Don’t set expectations too high for yourself or other family members on that day.

2. There is no right or wrong way to handle the day. Some people prefer to follow family traditions, while others decide to change them . It may help to do things just a little differently. Remember, what you choose to do this time can always be changed next year.

3. Be careful of “shoulds” it is better to do what feels best for you and your family, not what you or others think you should do. Give yourself permission to not do things. Once you have decided how your family will handle the holidays, let others know.

4. Do the Christmas preparations that you enjoy and look for alternatives for those you don’t. For example, this year you could buy baked goods, let others bake for you or do without.

5. Holidays are tiring; get lots of rest. You will need every bit of your strength.

6. If you decide to decorate your home, let children, other family members or friends help you. It’s okay to do something different, or to do no decorating at all.

7. How do you respond to “Merry Christmas”? You could say ““best wishes to you” or ““thank you”. Think of how you might answer ahead of time.

8. For Christmas dinner, you may decide to visit relatives or friends this year. If you have dinner at home, try changing the menu, the time or the room. You may want to be involved in preparing the meal, or not.

9. Be gentle with yourself and don’t expect too much. If you cry, don’t let that ruin the day for you. It may allow others to grieve and feel sad on a “happy” day.

10. Consider cutting back or not sending Christmas cards this year. It is not essential to send cards, especially to those people you will see over the holidays.

11. As the holiday approaches, share you concerns, feelings and apprehensions with someone. Let them know what is difficult for you; accept their offers of help. Holidays often magnify feelings of loss; allow yourself to experience the sadness that comes.

12. Christmas shopping can be upsetting and it may help you to shop early, to shop by telephone and catalogue, or to take along an understanding friend. Family may be willing to shop for you if they realize how difficult this is for you.

Often, after the first year of bereavement, people expect you to be ““over it”…..you will never be ““over it”. However, most people do find that eventually they are able to enjoy holidays

I wish I can tell those who have lost a loved one this message, “May you find hope and peace and ways to remember the life of your loved one, not just the death. May Love be what you remember most”.

Source for “How To Help Yourself Through The Holidays”
From Victoria Hospice, British Columbia

In honor of “Byahilo” Eric Dormido (Jan. 24, 1979-Oct. 5, 2018)

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First published at BYAHILO’S ERIC DORMIDO DIES AT 39 by Tonyo Cruz

Source of photo: Azrael

Eric Dormido, more popularly known as Byahilo, passed away today October 5, 2018. He was 39.

His sister Gladys Dormido said Eric was pronounced dead at 5:40 pm due to cardiac arrest at a clinic where he had his regular dialysis session.

Eric’s Byahilo.com is one of the country’s top travel blogs. He was one of the champions of local Philippine festivals, especially the Masskara festival of his hometown.

Eric was among the most prominent and most trusted bloggers, especially on tourism and travel. He received Readers’ Choice honors at the Philippine Blog Awards.

In 2009, Eric was one of the bloggers featured in an ad by Nokia, then the world’s top mobile phone brand.

News of Eric’s passing shocked the blogging community. Eric was still chatting with some friends as late as lunch time of the day he died.

“I always viewed Eric as a joyful person. So bubbly,” said fellow blogger Noemi Dado.

Another blogger, Berniemack Arellano, says that Eric was “passionate in his craft of street dance culture.”

Arellano wrote this message for Eric: “Padayuna ang pagsaut mo da sa pihak, geng! Kaupod mo na si Santo Niño! Salamat guid Eric Dormido Y Bravo sa aton nga pagululupod kag sinadya! I feel sad that you’ve gone ahead, but your presence will be in our hearts. I will not mourn for your departure, but I’d celebrate your life the way you like it, like the street dance festivals that you passionately love. DANCE IN PEACE, miga! Viva Señora Byahilo!”

He added: “I’d surely miss him, being the Festival Queen. I’d miss our talks and shared passion on festivals. I’d miss his antics. He may be gone, but his presence has been ever more greater. Dance in Peace, my good friend. Viva Señora Byahilo!”

Take a peak at Eric’s travel photos in his Facebook profile.

A native of Bacolod, Eric studied at La Consolacion College and University of St. La Salle.

Eric leaves behind his sister’s and brother’s families: Gladys, Terrence and Gab, and Crispin, Yasmin, Ysha and Bella.

Details of the wake, to be held in Sta. Rosa, Laguna, will be announced shortly.

Godspeed and happy travels in the great beyond, Eric.

In honor of Eric Dormido (Jan. 24, 1979-Oct. 5, 2018)


Having a break at Sunburst Mango. Heat was just too much. Sinulog, 2012

Nuffnang Talent Night, December 2012

With Francis Simsim, owner of Bluewater Day Spa, 2008

Always Young and Wild (Not)

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If there is anything my daughters (especially my eldest girl) cannot imagine is a young and wild me. True, I was once young (still young), a 105 pound slim and anti-social girl who’d rather pour over her school text books than gallivant around with her roommates or officemates. I never considered myself “wild” , not wild enough to party out during weekends. Not wild enough to bend a few rules here and there.

I am the sister who admonished her siblings NOT to stay out late. The only time I ever went home late was at 2:00 AM only because my ex-boyfriend drove me all the way from Quezon City to Las Piñas. To think that I was then 24 years old, living independently since college graduation and I had the freedom to go out anywhere I wished.

I was like the manang.

I am the sister who shook her head and berated her sisters whenever I see them scurrying off like rats over to the door as soon as my dad fell asleep. If only he knew.

I am the sister who got appalled whenever her other sisters climbed over the gates of our house after curfew hours. Of course, I never tattle-taled on them.

The two “wildest” things I ever did in my life was smoking (yes, bad!) and oogling at cute guys while abroad during a conference I attended with my sister Lorna and dad. The year was in 1984, a year before I got married. Butch told me that I should take this vacation because once we got married, he is not sure if he can bring me around the world. (He still hasn’t.)

young me
I thought that it is my last time to “appreciate” the cute guys (I still do!) without the guilt so why not? My sister, the sociable one always broke the ice when we met these cute guys. I can’t remember if I flirted or not. Maybe not because one time, a British guy stalked me as I loitered around the trade hall. Of course I snubbed the creep because girls don’t like to be stalked no matter how cute they are. The temerity of this guy! He had the gall to say that I was racist, just because of his color. Oh wow. I could have slapped him right there and then.

young me
My ex-boyfriend must have been attracted to my boring personality because one day he suddenly blurted in that sexy voice, You are like a rock to me. I must have also been attracted to his wild, reckless and unconventional ways too. We easily complemented each other. Sometimes, I see a little of myself in my second daughter (she’s more sociable than I was at her age) and my husband in Lauren though I know they are their own unique persons.

Do I regret not being a bit more wild?

Yes and no. No, because my personality is probably like that and Yes because I should have been more easygoing. I’ve evolved to a more laid-back person in the past years. Though I might have aged and grown bigger the past 29 years since those photos were taken, I still feel young and in every essence, happy. Age is not a factor to be considered “wild” and carefree.

I have never been happier in my life. I don’t pine for the good old days of my un-reckless lost youth. When I look back at my life , I don’t think in terms of my losses. I think of all the experience gained. And I look forward with enthusiasm about experiences that have yet to be enjoyed with my husband, my  daughters, my blogger friends, the citizen advocates of Blog Watch and my wonderful, loving siblings.

It’s one reason I want to venture into new activities or cultivate new friendships. There is always something fun to do.

To be young and wild is all about attitude.

Positive energy, anyone?

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I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside.– Wayne Dyer

It’s so easy to notice what’s wrong.

It takes practice to see what’s right.

I don’t know why negativity thrives in some people. Maybe they lived around negativity for years. They have become skilled at attaching labels on what’s wrong with other people, our work, our life, our relationships, ourselves and our recovery. Heck, even my beloved Luijoe is thrown at my face when these negative/unhealthy people lose all sense of their arguments in my entries.

Positive-Energy

I don’t need this negative energy. When it comes, I throw it back to that person. That negative energy belongs to them. Negative thinking empowers the problem so I don’t let it get to me. Negativitis cripples the Human Spirit. Negative energy sabotages and destroys. You see it around even here in the blogosphere, blogs with crab mentality or with shock appeal. They even have their own community of whiners. Nothing surprising there. Negative people attract other complainers. It has a powerful life of its own.

So does positive energy . Sometimes, it can’t be helped that I get my dose of negative vibes but I let it go after a while. I don’t let it destroy me. Each day, I ask myself, what’s right and what’s good about other people, my work, my day and my loved ones. Positive energy heals and transforms.

I choose positive energy. I try to maintain a positive frame of mind by surrounding myself with positive energy in my life. I usually add the following elements to my life:

1. Uplifting music– How often do you get a song “stuck in your head’ for a few hours or days with the lyrics repeating themselves in your mind? Lyrics that are positive and inspirational, is a good thing. I know it sounds silly but I play “Dancing Queen” when I am exercising because I feel I am so alive with the lyrics “You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life”

2. Inspirational Books- Self help books are good resources to help me change my outlook and the things I say to myself. A book I am currently reading is “Do What You Love for the Rest of Your Life” by Bob Griffiths. I had a new career and a new life at my prime yet I am having the time of my life.

3. Positive People- Positive energy in my life emanates with the company I keep. I choose friends that uplift me. I read blogs that contain a positive resolution even if it starts out with a rant. I enjoy the company of friends that provide support when I am down and fun when I’m feeling at the top of the world, wisdom when I am lost.

4. Positive Affirmation- My Daily Positive Affirmations can subtly but pervasively change my self talk from negative to positive. Whenever something bothers me, I keep reminding myself that we cannot control people’s actions, attitudes and even events. I label it as the Three P’s (People, Places and the Past). The only thing we can control is our attitude. But it isn’t that easy. One of the choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think and using our mental energy in a positive way.

So when you think the world is against you, just say this:

Today, I will empower the good in myself, others and life. I’m willing to release, or let go of, negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones. I will choose what I want to affirm, and I will make it good.

Photo via tinybuddha.com

10 reasons I am thankful for today and everyday of my life #WhatImThankfulFor

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My three siblings in the US once sent me a Thanksgiving prayer citing our parents for the gifts we continue to receive even after their deaths. There will be one Thanksgiving day that I will surely join in their celebration. In honor of Thanksgiving Day, I have a lot to be thankful for today and everyday of my life.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. I have learned the magical lesson that making the most of what I have turns it into more.

1. I am thankful for the lessons on pain due to my son’s death because it transformed me into a more compassionate person.

2. I am thankful for the marital rift because it has brought me and my husband together for a second wind in marriage. Love is lovelier the second time around, indeed.

3. I am thankful for financial challenges because it taught us discipline that money can be budgeted wisely for basic necessities.

4. I am thankful for loving husband that never gave up on me.

5. I am thankful for my two girls, that despite the turbulent teen years due to their sibling’s death, they never resorted to drugs or alcohol.

6. I am thankful for in-law’s differences because it made me more appreciative of myself without any pretenses.

7. I am thankful for the internet and all my visitors as it is one way of fulfilling my mission in life.

8. I am thankful of negative feedback as I can make an honest assessment of myself without jeopardizing my identity.

9. I am thankful of new and old friendships, a comfortable place to be myself.

10. I am thankful to God who I thought abandoned me but never really left me after all.

gratitudeSometimes in life, things just happen too fast. We barely solve one problem then another problem crops up. We feel great in the morning but by nightfall we could be wallowing in misery. Everyday , I face interruptions, delays, changes and challenges. I have learned an important concept to get me through this stressful time and that is gratitude. I learn to say thank you, for all these problems and feelings. I don’t like this experience but Thank You anyway. I had to force gratitude until it became second nature to me. Gratitude helped me stop trying to control outcomes. Gratitude makes things right. It is the key that unlocked positive energy in my life.

I am full of gratitude because today’s pain could be tomorrow’s joy.