Setting Boundaries for the Plastic or Unhealthy Persons

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A few years ago at Plurk, once my favorite micro-blogging social networking tool, a plurk  caught my attention:

Someone asked civiland plastic what is the diff? Does it annoy you? When you learn someone is plastic?

My friend goes further to explain that

  1. Civilis being nice and mannered while plastic is brown nosing. Does it annoy me? There are times of course I am only human.
  2. Plastic has the element of design or wanting something. You trust less the plastic. Anyway, that is for me.

What I found interesting is a Plurk Friend’s response :most people confuse being polite and the social graces with “plastic”.

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Imagine the following scenario.

  1. The People Pleaser

Ever notice this person running around, fussing over others, chattering a mile-a-minute when what they are really saying is “I hope I’m pleasing you”. Now there is nothing wrong with trying to please people. But People-pleasing backfires. Not only do others get annoyed with them, the people pleaser often gets annoyed when the intent to please did not work as planned. The most comfortable people are those who are considerate of others but ultimately please themselves.

Is the People Pleaser a civil or plastic person?

  1. The Polite Person

Imagine two friends having an argument inside the mall over a guy named Mario. Let’s call Anna as the One who is seething with rage, raising her voice and about to pull the hair of the second girl named Betty. She suspects that Mario is flirting with Betty. Betty appears calm and collected even when…

Anna: Why? You are so plastic! F*&%&& you! I know you like Mario. What a bitch you are! I want to know the truth. Did you go out on a date?

Betty: Excuse me, I don’t want to talk to you like this. Maybe we can talk some other time.

Anna: Why are you evading my question? I want you to be honest with me.

Betty leaves Anna.

Is Betty a civil or plastic person?

  1. The Arrogant Person

Arrogance is not the same as being proud or even opinionated as most bloggers are. Arrogant people seem to think that they know everything, and they can really get on your nerves. They are condescending and exerts superiority over you. But see, arrogant people are really quite insecure. They seek to dominate and control because they are afraid of being dominated and controlled. Their superiority comes to a point where they humiliate you in public through insults. (An honest opinion is not an insult if it was solicited.) Now, an arrogant person who is intimidating you feels inferior to someone else because this is how his mind works, this arrogance may be nothing more than a way to cover feelings of inferiority he experiences when dealing with someone else.

Does the arrogant person lack civility or social graces?

  1. The Frank Person

Is the arrogant person the same as the Frank Person, one who is honest about his feelings or opinion? No. I know friends who are literally honest to a fault. They have trouble even telling little white lies to protect other people’s feelings. There are times when lying is the lesser of the available evils.

Sometimes, the sensitive person wants the “Frank Person” to sugarcoat their honesty. Truth hurts sometimes so be gentle with me, okay?

Sometimes, the frank person is also known as rude for speaking the truth.

Should the frank person learn to be more civil or plastic?

Looking at all these scenarios, I believe I meet these persons every day of my life. If an arrogant person bashes me, do I bash back? Most probably not.

Does it make me plastic for not reacting in the same unhealthy manner? Nope

Does it annoy me? Sometimes.

Most of the time, the arrogant, the people pleaser, the polite person or frank person does not annoy me unless I allow it to happen. Sometimes when I am in a bad mood, it can annoy me. I allowed myself to feel annoyed. Eventually, I learn to let it go. Yes, I have those days.

On most days, I set boundaries.

You have always heard me say repeatedly that we cannot control people’s actions, attitudes and even events. The only thing we can control is our attitude. But not that easy. One choice in recovery is choosing what we want to think and using our mental energy positively. Positive thinking can be extremely difficult in stressful situations. Positive thinking does not mean thinking in an unrealistic matter or reverting to denial. If I don’t like something, I respect my own opinion. If a problem hits me, I am honest about it. If something isn’t working out, I accept reality. I don’t have to dwell on the negative portions of my experience.

Life and people just seem to push and push. If someone pushes me to my limits, that’s exactly what’s happening: I am being pushed to my limits. I give myself permission to set the limits I want and need to set in my life.

The chronic nega ( or negative person) has no place in my life. I try to empower the good in myself, others and life. I’m willing to release, or let go of, negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones. I will choose what I want to affirm, and I will make it good.

Does it annoy you when you learn someone is plastic?

The Wounded Bird Syndrome

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wounded bird syndromeThey say marriage is for better or for worse. Couples try to support and care for each other, through good times and bad. Usually, when one of us hits rock bottom, the other can try to be the mainstay for a little while, to help the other along. But what happens when our child dies? The couple is now cast into the same dark place, struggling with the worst thing they have ever faced. Couples are there together, but they may discover that they are also there alone.

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Now not all couples in grief experience this dilemma. I believe that marriages with “wounded bird syndrome” suffer the most. What is the “wounded bird syndrome”?

Many times a nurturer will marry a wounded bird who is extremely dependent. They need their spouse to fulfill their every need. As a result, it puts a lot of pressure on the relationship. The person who is the nurturer feels as if the weight of the relationship is upon them and they feel smothered. The wounded bird is frustrated with the nurturer because they never can take care of every need that they have. What the wounded bird is trying to do is to have their needs met by someone who is not able to meet them.

A wounded bird in grief will seek someone to fulfill this unmet need.

I never knew what this meant until I got a text message one day from Cecile (names and events are changed to protect their identities). She asked “How can I tell Peter,my boyfriend to move on without being insensitive?” Then Cecile and I talked on the landline phone. She explained that her boyfriend lost his 5 year old daughter , Samantha in a car accident over 6 months ago. Not that I am nosy or anything like that, I asked if she was the mother of the girl.

“No. Peter and his wife were already separated a year before the accident” Cecile said.

Would it have been rude of me to ask: “Where’s the proof they are separated?” I just treated Cecile as a support system to Peter. For the next three months, Cecile and I were in contact. She wanted to comfort her boyfriend in his most difficult moment. Knowing how important support is, I gave tips on Handling the Bereaved. Then one day, a friend asked me to help a bereaved mother.

My friend said “Emma lost her 5 year old daughter to a car accident a few months ago. Can you talk to her? “.

DING-DONG. Something rang inside my mind.

I asked my friend “Is Samantha the name of her daughter who died on May 13, 2005?”

My friend affirmed.

What a small word our grief circle is!

The succeeding text messages infuriated me. I felt like a fool. I found out that Emma and Peter are very much married.

I immediately texted Cecile and confronted her about this revelation.

Cecile pleaded “Please don’t mention we talked”

I shouldn’t have given advice to Cecile in the first place. She used Peter’s grief to her advantage so they could get close and continue their trysts. Like a wounded bird, Cecile nurtured Peter with the grief support I provided. I was so mad.

I met up with Emma finally. I wanted to tell her about her husband’s girlfriend. A couple’s grief gets even more complicated with a third party. I waited for the right opportunity and allowed her to unload her thoughts and feelings. I found out that she knew about the existence of the girl even prior to Samantha’s death. As far as she knew, that relationship ended. I felt that I could not continue talking to Emma until I revealed the truth. I felt like a hypocrite if I withheld that tidbit.

I released the bombshell.

Emma’s face crumpled.

I wanted to cry when I saw her pained expression.

I thought she would kill me with this revelation but thank goodness she was full of gratitude.

I told her that she is not alone with the wounded bird syndrome. Another bereaved mother experienced the same situation with a “girl friend” of her spouse. What helped the couple was the knowledge that couples grieve differently. The Compassionate Friends, helped with this revelation. The spouse found comfort and strength in talking to other parents who have battled through similar difficulties and survived them. There is hope in Emma and Peter’s marriage. I introduced her to Angie, the bereaved mother who almost lost her spouse to a cunning girlfriend.

It is often said that a relationship is like a dance: we have to find a tempo that works for us both, but then each of has our own steps. Grieving will probably intensify our awareness of each other and our sense of ‘together yet alone’. The need to remember our child and to share memories will always be there. But our lives do continue, and the insights into our relationship that have been so painfully discovered as we grieve may enrich our partnership in the years ahead.

Five parenting lessons my beloved son taught me

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It’s that time of the year that I declutter my home. The library which is located in my home office is often filled with books because my family members are book lovers. As I reviewed the books on the top shelf, I screamed with delight upon discovering my son’s yearbook in Family Montessori Katipunan , his first school. I thought I had lost his yearbook after moving homes in 2007. I thought “there must be a message here”. I quickly leafed through the pages and found his handsome photo.

luijoe in yearbook

I could see that parents submitted anecdotes about their child. I could not help tearing and smiling at the same time. My heart tied in a knot as I read the last part.

luijoe's yearbook1

He is a very energetic child in spite of his asthma. His favourite past time is reading (pretending to) his books, playing with his Lego blocks, writing in workbooks, running around the house and driving his sisters crazy. When he is in a good mood, he likes to kiss everyone. He always wants to be loved. However, when he is scolded, which he hates, he says “I am a good boy!” with much conviction.

Come to think of it, children are born without any baggages. Children are good. It is adults that give them the bad habits. Parents help shape their thoughts and habits in their early years. When I wrote this anecdote, Luijoe was only 4 years old. True, Luijoe was a good boy.

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It occurred to me that Luijoe taught me a lot about parenting. Luijoe did not mince words when he found something wrong with my parenting style. I am sure most of you have learned some important lessons from your children. I would like to share some of these poignant memories from my son.

1. Patience, mom

One of the important skills that all parents need to learned is how to be patient.

There were times my son wanted to get his way and he would cry when I refused. When I tell him to stop his crying spells, he’d raise his hands like a STOP sign “Mom. give me time to stop crying. I need more time to stop”.

That really gave me an insight that kids do not automatically stop crying like one would shut off the faucet.

2. Breastfeeding is good for babies

I still remember my son tugging at my sleeve “Mom, did you do that to me?”

He led me to the room where Maan, his former yaya was breastfeeding her son.

“Of course, I breastfed you.” I hugged my boy.

“Are you sure mom? Breastfeeding is good for babies.”

My son didn’t seem to believe me. Too bad I didn’t have photos of our breastfeeding moments. I pointed out the cross stitching projects in the kitchen .

I explained “When I breastfed you, I did cross stitch projects because it took you an hour to feed.” He seemed satisfied with my answer but the next day, he nagged me with the same question.

Luijoe’s fascination with breastfeeding inspired me to start my breastfeeding advocacy in 2007.

3. Don’t spank

My son once berated me for spanking him, “mom you should not spank”. I wanted to hit myself. I did not know any better. My parents brought me up, that spanking is a form of discipline. I turned to using another style “Face the corner” . He did not like it either but I had set rules that needed to be followed. Luijoe’s words haunted me through the years which probably moved me to pursue Children rights and eventually push for The Positive Discipline in Lieu of Corporal Punishment of Children Act of 2011.

4. Take time to smell the flowers 

flowers-from-my-boy

Flowers remind me to let go of work. Luijoe reminds me that I need to smell the flowers. I smile at the sweet memories, of his hugs which came with a bunch of flowers as a surprise. “I love you so very much, Mama,” he’d cry out. Remembering all these often bring tears to my eyes. The flowers he picked often came from our garden or the park. It is a bittersweet memory. I wish I could turn back the clock and hear him say “I love you so very much, Mama,” over and over again. Maybe it is one reason, I often deluge my home with fresh flowers.

5. Pray , mom

My son is very prayerful. I bought him a Catholic prayer book which we would read every night. I also had my own prayerbook which I shared with him.

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Luijoe’s favorite prayer book

One time, Luijoe held my face with his chubby palms, “pray, mom”. I gave him a hug and prayed along with him. Without my Luijoe beside me now, I turned to prayers. I found the power of a praying parent. All I can do now is pray every day. I let go of worrying. It has been said that “worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.” Let go and Let God is my motto.

For many years, I struggled to find the meaning of my son’s death. As memories flow, I am reminded that Luijoe is never really gone. He continues to live in me. There is a lot to accomplish. Luijoe reminds me of the bigger work that God has set out for me in this world…declutter the mess.

Easter Sunday reminds me of my beloved son’s thoughts of eternal life

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I wrote this many years ago but I want to share this story again because Easter Sunday is very special.

“If I die, Mama, will I be alive again?” Luijoe asked. My six-year-old was lying on the bed, flipping through the prayer books piled on his tummy.

luijoe-at-luijoe-meadow1

It was Holy Week, a month before that fateful day of May 27, 2000.

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I turned my body to face him and stroked his cheek. How could I explain the mysteries of death to a little boy? “When we die, Lui, we will live forever, through eternal life in heaven,” I said the lines I’d memorized from the teachings of our Catholic Church.

“When I die, I will be alive again!” he exclaimed, jumping in bed, arms wide in exuberance.

“Yes, baby, you will live forever, but not on Earth.” I smiled at his childish enthusiasm and wide-eyed wonder. “I won’t see you anymore, but you will have eternal life with God.”

my son
With a serious look on his face, he asked, “Mama, who goes to heaven?” His chubby fingers twirled on the strands of my hair. He sniffed the ends and splayed my hair along his cheeks.

“Good boys go to heaven and usually they become angels.”

“I don’t want to go to hell,” he said with vehemence.

I hugged him, said he was a good boy, and promised that he would never go to hell.

Head bowed, he picked up a prayer book to continue praying, then looked up. With both hands planted firmly on my cheeks, he asked, “Are the clouds heaven?”

“I’m not sure if the clouds are heaven, but it’s somewhere up there and hell is down there,” I said, kissing his fat cheeks.

He never tired of asking the same questions over and over again, as though reassuring himself that there were angels that protected him and that heaven was a beautiful place to go when someone died.

Why had I not seen our conversation as a sign that something devastating was about to happen? If I had sensed the omen then, could I have prevented his death? Had Luijoe known he was leaving us soon and in his childlike way, tried to warn me?

(The above is an excerpt from the story I wrote on Luijoe’s Life and Death from The Fallen Cradle edited by Agnes Prieto)

Sometimes I wished I had the power to go back in time and stopped his death. Of course, that is not possible. Those wonderful words he told me weeks before his death is what keeps my faith alive.

Luijoe’s words never fail to bring me hope that we will reunite one day. It gives me the courage to put meaning in my life.

My religious background always taught me that Jesus is in Heaven with God and the angels and that Heaven is a place to go , but only after we die. The ultimate questions rests on , “how can anyone see or experience Heaven after they’re dead, since we’re taught when you die, everything ceases to exist? ” “Or does the spirit live on?” Has anyone actually heard a heaven testimonial from a loved one?

Another common question is “What is the use in striving for something that is intangible, invisible and unseen? Or is it? Eternal Life seems so elusive.”

Yet I will go with my faith. I believe my greatest proof is my son when he innocently exclaimed that “When I die, I will be alive again” two weeks before his untimely death. How simplistic but that is faith.

Faith is one of the virtues that keeps me alive and going in this temporary world.

“I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.” (John11:25,25)

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16)

May Easter Day remind us not only of our Lord’s resurrection but also that of our precious children. We hope your celebration of Easter is filled with the joy the Christ offers in his resurrection.

Happy Easter day to all.

How my son reminded me about the comfort of St. John the Beloved

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stjohn.jpgWhen a child dies, it’s not the natural order of things. For many years, I struggled to find the meaning of my son’s death. Five years and a lot of pain later, I finally found the answers. It all started with an email to Cathy after I invited her to join as co-founder for the Compassionate Friends Philippines.I have to mention that this support group is not around anymore,  but I continue to offer comfort in my aboutmyrecovery.com blog.

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She replied and readily agreed to join. What struck me was her statement:

I now know that we are called to serve in different ways because we have different missions. Setting up Compassionate Friends in the Philippines is clearly yours as Migi’s Corner and Grief counselling and death education are mine.

How could that be? If I wanted a mission, a foundation seems a more noble idea. “The Compassionate Friends” is not an original idea. So there I was thinking, Alma, Cathy and Pia initiated foundations all in the memory of their children. I don’t have any memorial or foundation in Luijoe’s name. I felt a bit sad, but Cathy’s words stuck in my mind for many days until I remembered a conversation with my son during Holy Week.

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The actual picture that Luijoe pointed out in his prayerbook

This is what I wrote in Luijoe’s memorial site almost 21 years ago:

Then one night while we had our usual prayers before bedtime, he pointed to the picture of St. John the Apostle which was found in his Rosary Prayer book. I explained that Jesus told John to take care and comfort his mother when he dies. Luijoe seemed to be touched by St. John and the following nights, he kept repeating the same question and this time he was asking how John was related to Mother Mary. I found that to be a very deep question, and I just said he was one of Jesus’ apostle.

Now I realized the meaning. It was like Luijoe was making sure I would remember John. I did remember our conversation during the wake .It touched my heart that my son was worried about my grief.

I realized Luijoe wanted me to carry on the comfort to others. The St. John symbolizes compassion. By working with The Compassionate Friends, I would act like a “St. John” to other bereaved parents. This memory brought tears of joy and nostalgia. Even if I am no longer around in this mortal world, this grief support group will still continue on. Truly, God works in mysterious ways and He uses our children to help us find and shape our ministries. It is our children who remind us of the bigger work that God has set out for us in this world.

I wrote this post a long time ago when I was still active with “The Compassionate Friends”. But I continue to talk to parents who have lost a child through my blog and sharing this podcast. My son never let me forget that there are many “St. Johns” in my life. Today, Good Friday reminds me Luijoe is never entirely gone

Luijoe is never entirely gone.

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Luijoe’s favorite prayer book

Do You Believe in Giving Second Chances?

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Second chances?

Do you believe that someone who has caused you so much pain deserves a second chance?

Do you believe YOU deserve a second chance?

Over 15 years ago, I packed my bags and left my husband because I thought I wanted to start a new life without him. Grief had overtaken us so much that we were virtually strangers to each other. Never in my wildest dream did I imagine myself with a broken ankle as I stepped inside my new pad. I had no choice but to live with him and work things out. Truly God works in mysterious ways. It was as if God said, ” you can’t run away from your marriage. Try to fix it. Give it a second chance”

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If you think that my husband is the culprit, you’re wrong. I am to blame too. It takes two to a marriage. I knew I had to take care of myself first and foremost. I had to give myself a second chance. A second chance to be a more loving wife and mother. A second chance to be more financially independent and a second chance to be a better person.

I believe second chances are possible if….

1. The person who has caused you hurt is willing to make amends and to sit down and compromise.

2. I set boundaries. One can’t repeat the same mistake all over again, but at the same time one must be aware that we should also give allowances for recovery to take place.

3. You love yourself. I’d like to believe that “You cannot give what you do not have.” I find that I am a better wife, a better mother, a more compassionate friend, after I have spent time nurturing myself.

4. You are open to the positive possibilities of the future instead of limiting the future by today’s feelings and circumstances.

5. You forgive. When we hold on to pain, old grudges, bitterness and even hatred, many aspects of our lives suffer. Through forgiveness, you choose to no longer define yourself as a victim.

It’s been more than 10 years now.

I lost weight and look so much sexier or so my husband says. My husband is overflowing with love and kisses and I feel so pampered. My children are happier with our new normal. I am financially independent.

I feel good about myself. I feel beautiful.

I want to dance to the music of the Dancing Queen. No kidding!

I continue to be a work in progress.

Yes, I feel loved. I feel blessed.

Only because I gave myself a second chance.

So do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Photo via iriefitgirl.blogspot.com

Daily affirmations through the years with Louise Hay

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Beautiful and meaningful affirmations uplift my day.

Losing my beloved Luijoe, my precious child brought me into such deep sadness and negativity that all I could think was of dying. If it were not for my two girls, I would not have gotten out of the rut. Asking help from God meant helping myself and oh boy, I looked out for ways.

“Dear God, please help me” and all I could hear was “help yourself”.

One person that crossed my path are the affirmations of Louise Hay. One way to empower the good is through affirmations which are just simple positive statements. I am glad I found her. Sadly, Louise Hay transitioned on August 30, 2017 of natural causes at age 90. She passed peacefully in her sleep. Her affirmations have helped me so much that I would like to share of few of them here.

I was borderline obese and this affirmation helped me in choosing a healthy lifestyle. In order for me to think clearly, I needed to have a healthy body.

“I am the only person who has control over my eating habits. I can always resist something if I choose to.”

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As part of my healthy lifestyle, I take brisk walks  and these are my thoughts:

“I take brisk walks in the sunshine to invigorate my body and soul”.

Yes, “I am in perfect health”

Acting as if  “Acting as if” is one of my favorite recovery tool that worked for me. By acting as if you are a certain type of person, you become that person, what I call the “As If” principle. To practice the positive, I act as if. It’s a positive form of pretending.

“I act as if I already have what I want- it’s an excellent way to attract happiness”.

Healing involved forgiveness and letting go of past hurts.

“I forgive everyone in y past for all perceived wrongs. I release them with love”

The pain of losing a son taught me so much. Pain is a great teacher. It taught me to face who I really am and where I needed to move forward to. What I did with my painful experience defined who I became.

“Every experience I have is perfect for my growth”.

My heart is full of gratitude. Yes, the sweetness of gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. I have learned the magical lesson that making the most of what I have turns it into more. It is not material gifts that make me happy. It is love.

“My day begins and ends with gratitude and joy”.

Sometimes I worry too much and then I realize it is not good to have negative thoughts so I pray.

“Today is going to be a really, really good day.”

Like I told you earlier, I did not live a healthy lifestyle for many years especially those times when I was in deep misery over my son’s death. I chose happiness and being grateful.

“I am grateful for my healthy body. I love life.”

My toes hurt when I walk . I know I must see a doctor soon to check why it hurts. In the meantime, I make sure I meet my step goals.

“My body takes me everywhere easily and effortlessly.”

Ugh, I easily get irritated and need to continue this affirmation:

“I am patient, tolerant and diplomatic”.

Helping myself also meant taking care of myself spiritually, mentally , and physically.

“My mind and body are in perfect balance. I am a harmonious being.”

When I look at myself today, I can only attribute it to the work I did to help myself in the past.

“Today is the future I created yesterday”.

Taking care of myself meant loving myself first. It means loving myself into health and a good life of my own. It meant loving myself into all that I have always wanted. Yes, love myself into peace, happiness, success, joy and contentment.

“I am worth loving. There is love all around me.”

I constantly work at loving myself. One day, I looked up at myself in the mirror and loved what I saw. I saw a new and lovely me. Loving myself had become habitual.

“I am surrounded by love. All is well.”

Taking Care of myself

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After years of denial, numbing feelings of pain and all sorts of emotions, I finally came true to myself. I learned to take care of myself emotionally through practice and learning new behavioral patterns like Acting as if. I forced myself into positive recovery behaviors, disregarding my doubts and fears, until my feelings caught up with reality. I am still a work in progress, of course.

So what does it mean to take care of myself emotionally. This is what I learned from reading self-help books and seeking guidance.

1. I recognize when I’m feeling angry, and I accept that feeling without shame.

2. I recognize when I’m feeling hurt, and I accept those feelings without attempting to punish the source of my pain.

3. I allow myself to feel joy and love when those are available to me.

4. I recognize that my feelings don’t have to control me. I can feel and think too.

5. I talk to friends or family members about my feelings when I feel that it is appropriate and safe to do so.

6. I reach out for help when I get stuck in a particular emotion.

7. I try to seek the lessons that my emotions may be trying to teach me. Then after I feel, accept and release the feeling to the air, I then ask myself, “What is it I need to do to take care of myself?”

Taking care of my emotions means I allow myself to stay with the feeling until it’s time to let go and move on to the next feeling. Taking care of myself means I’ve made a decision that it is okay to own my feelings.

So my dear friend, continue to take care of yourself emotionally. It’s okay to feel angry. You have the right to be. Just be open to and accepting of the emotional part of yourself and other people. Strive for balance by mixing emotions and reason, but don’t let your intellect push the emotional part of yourself away.

Taking care of yourself emotionally means you value and cherish the emotional part of yourself. I know you will be fine. We will be fine.

Stress less.

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The Sweetness of Gratitude

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I am grateful for the New Year 2021 and the challenges we faced in 2020.

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” MARCEL PROUST

gratitude

The hot and humid afternoon coupled with a lot of deadlines made me lazy for the rest of the day. A text message arrived. It was from my husband.

I have something for you…_______________ because I love you. See you later dear.

*kilig* His text message thrilled me to pieces. No, it wasn’t the gift. It was the reason…”because I love you”. I am pretty used to my husband’s flowery words via text message or email but that afternoon, I was full of gratitude that his text message spoke of love. Random moments like that just lifted my spirits.

I replied back “love me? kilig naman” as if we are still steadies. I couldn’t help smiling the rest of the afternoon and shared it with my best friend.

My husband is not perfect. There are days when I just clam up and huddle up in my sanctuary while he retreats to his cave. (Yes friends of hubby, I know you are reading this so please don’t embarrass my husband and cite my entries. He doesn’t read my blog. )

But that afternoon, I affirmed an important concept to get me through this stressful time and that is gratitude. When my husband arrived that night, I gave him a hug “Thank you my dear husband” and it was not meant for the gift. I thanked him for being sweet and romantic at random moments.

If I had the time, I will write a book for men on “How to Flatter a Woman”. Through the years, I scrawled down snippets of sweet nothings in a diary, when my husband would pour his endearments to me. I like looking back at them to remind me that his strengths outweighs his weaknesses. I choose to focus on that strength. Gratitude makes things right. Gratitude turns negative energy to positive energy.

I am so thankful that my husband is loving and devoted to me. My heart is filled with gratitude.

Yes, the sweetness of gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. I have learned the magical lesson that making the most of what I have turns it into more. It is not material gifts that make me happy. It is love. I can affirm my gratitude any day I want to but I want to dedicate this gratitude entry especially to my husband.

Thank you my dear, husband.

my husband and I

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Thanksgiving day reminds me of the word “gratitude”

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Thanksgiving day being the most celebrated holiday in the states reminds me of the word “gratitude”.


A few years ago, I was planning to bake Pumpkin Pie because I remembered just how delicious it was during my visit in Missouri a few years ago.

My daughter said “we’re not Americans, mom so why should we celebrate Thanksgiving Day”. (But did you know that, for several decades, Thanksgiving had also been celebrated in the Philippines?)

I protested “but I love Pumpkin Pie” and I want to bake it to feel like I am celebrating with my brother and sisters in the states. My siblings often wished I’d visit them during Thanksgiving day but I just tell them that I will be with them in spirit. So I thought baking the Pumpkin pie was a great idea

But…

Nope, my daughters refused to acknowledge Thanksgiving day the American way.

As a compromise, I agreed to bake Pumpkin Pie on Christmas day and thought that was the end of the discussion.

Then, I gleefully announced “let’s honor and reflect on your paternal great-great American grandfather who arrived in the Philippines in 1921 from Iowa. He was quite an adventurer just like you, Lauren.”

Photo: Great great grandfather of my husband
I think that settled the issue.

I love looking back to the past and knowing the roots of my family. I like knowing their way of life, their personalities and quirks to see if these were passed on to my children.

I am grateful for the life and the traditions that have been passed on through the years.

Thanksgiving day being the most celebrated holiday in the states reminds me of the word “gratitude”. I can affirm my gratitude any day I want to but I want to dedicate this entry especially for my siblings who will celebrate Thanksgiving day. I want to share my gratitude to them.

In honor of Thanksgiving Day, I have a lot to be thankful for today and everyday of my life.

gratitude
1. I am thankful for second chances and a new normal.

2. I am thankful for the laughter that rings true in my home. There’s nothing like a family who laughs together.

3. I am thankful for financial challenges because it taught us discipline that money can be budgeted wisely for basic necessities.

4. I am thankful for a loving husband that never gave up on me.

5. I am thankful for the excruciating pain brought about by my son’s death because it transformed me into a more compassionate person.

6. I am thankful for my two girls, that despite the turbulent teen years due to their sibling’s death, they never resorted to drugs or alcohol.

7. I am thankful of new and old friendships ,a comfortable place to be myself.

8. I am thankful for negative feedback as I can make an honest assessment of myself without jeopardizing my identity.

9. I am thankful for the internet, blogging and all of YOU, twitter followers, the lurkers and readers of my blog as you help me fulfill my mission in life.

10. I am thankful to God who I thought abandoned me but never really left me after all.

gratitude Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. I have learned the magical lesson that making the most of what I have turns it into more. I have learned an important concept to get me through this stressful time and that is gratitude. I learn to say thank you, for all these problems and feelings. I am full of gratitude because today’s pain could be tomorrow’s joy.

What are you thankful for?