Why Leni-Kiko

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I have a confession to make. In 2016, Ayoko Kay leni Robredo because Dilawan siya. But I got to interview her with my fellow bloggers for almost 2 hours . In our interview she said she had plans for anti poverty program.

At ginawa talaga niya. Angat Buhay started in October 2016. Mas lalo ako bilib sa kanya.

Angat Buhay is her anti poverty program under the Office of the Vice President.

As of December 2021, the OVP, through Angat Buhay, has partnered with 372 organizations mobilizing a total of P520 million worth of resources to assist 321,001 families and 305,223 individuals in 223 communities nationwide.

Some of the projects under the program are the Angat Buhay villages in Bicol and Marawi, medical assistance, and the construction of health centers and classrooms, among others. Imagine if she is president. She will make ANGAT Buhay lahat even bigger.

Two out of many reasons “Why Leni”. If president , she will push for a bill for a P100 billion stimulus package for MSMEs to help rebuild our economy while also making sure people don’t lose their jobs. Meron din balak ng Unemployment Insurance Program where you will get 80% of 3 months worth of their previous salary . This is what I will campaign when asked about her concrete plans.

Marami nag sabi wala siyang ginawa. I only knew of her achievements last year. Hindi siya epal. Her weakness and strength is she didn’t want to publicize her achievements. At that time, she had no intentions to run for President. She just kept on working.

These are her achievements

COVID -19 RESPONSE
1. P503 Million COVID-19 Response.
2. P58.84 Million Testing Kits.
3. P64.70 Million PPES.
4. P43.98 Million Dormitories for Frontliners.
5. P35.60 Million Disaster Relief Operations.
6. P20.43 Million Gadgets for students.
7. P17.28 Million locally funded projects.
8. P14 Million Hot meals for Health workers.
9. P2.5 Million support towards employees exposed to COVID-10.
10. P1.4 Million Hazard Pay for regular employees.
11. P817,000 Hazard Pay for the contract of service employees.
12. P249,500 Hazard Pay for contractual employees.
13. 23,345 Frontliners served through Vaccine Express, Cab Swab, Free Shuttle.
14. Community Mart sa Quezon City at Pasig para sa mga small-time market vendors
at tricycle drivers na naapektuhan ng pandemya.
15. Vaccine Express initiative that inoculated 500 Aetas in Barangay Sta. Juliana.
16. Leni backed the passage into law of the Unemployment Insurance Bill that will create an unemployment insurance system to protect Filipinos who have lost their jobs due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

DISASTER RELIEF/HOUSING
17. P12.3 Billion total value of given help to families.
18. P42.17 Million worth of help given to communities.
19. P12.80 Million contribution towards transitory shelters and shelter kits for Marawi
20. P207,244 or 1,022 individuals given relief ops.
21. P23.86 Million from the VP fund was shelled out for the victims of the Taal
Volcano, Typhoon Quinta, Super Typhoon Rolly, and Typhoon Ulysses.
22. P8.841 Million donations were collected for the Taal eruption.
23. P2.360 Million donations were collected for Typhoons.
24. 12,489 families’ homes were repaired due to disaster-related damages.
25. 92,600 Light Bulbs given to homes in Metro Manila.
26. 3,776+ Households have been given electricity through the OVP’s Angat Buhay.
27. Assistance to at least 11 towns in Batangas, 1 in Cavite after the volcanic eruption, reaching at least 22.047 families in the two provinces.
28. 87 municipalities across 11 provinces were given aid that reached at least 56,148 families after the typhoons.
29. The OVP turned over pet supplies donated by different organizations to the
Philippine Animal Rescue Team. This is to help in taking care of around 600 animals.
30. Leni has proposed the construction of stronger evacuation centers that not only
will withstand natural calamities but will also accommodate pets and livestock.
31. Leni wants to strengthen the rescue capabilities of barangay officials.
32. In 2020, Leni together with the OVP’s partner-agencies provided boats for Aurora fisherfolk affected by typhoons.
33. After the Typhoon Ulysses calamity, Leni says that climate change should be taken seriously.
34. Leni recognizes that there is a “global climate emergency,” and values conversations on the issue. She supports instructional changes towards fossil fuel
independence.

POVERTY REDUCTION
35. Leni was a practicing lawyer who focused on cases involving the marginalized sector.
36. P441.14 Million worth of resources mobilized through the OVP’s Angat Buhay with 330 partnered organizations.
37.341,779 families helped or 221,122 individuals in 381 communities nationwide
through the OVP’s Angat Buhay.
38. P8.93 Million worth of projects, farm inputs, livestock, development and training
wherein 127 individuals and 18 accredited Civil Society Organizations were assisted.

EDUKASYON
39. P122.96 Million worth of Educational infrastructure built.
40. P8.27 Million worth of School kits.
41. P4.49 Million worth of Scholarships and technical training.
42. P19.75 Million appraised value of gadgets and items raised via Kaya Natin donation drive for Bayanihan E-skwela, Community learning hubs, instructional videos for
teachers and parents.
43. Leni wants SPED centers in all public schools.
44. Noong siya ay Housing Chief, she pushed to build communities that are friendly to persons with disabilities.
45. The OVP partnered with USAID and PBEd to provide free technical-vocational skills and employability training for over 1,000 unemployed and out-of-school Filipino youth.

BILLS AUTHORED
46. Principal Author of HB 19 or the Full Disclosure Bill.
47. Principal Author of HB 3905 or the Participatory Budget Process Bill.
48. Principal Author of HB 4911 or the People Empowerment Bill.
49. Co-author of HB 3432 or the Comprehensive Anti-Discrimination Bill.
50. Co-author of HB 3587 or the Anti-Political Dynasty Bill.

Breaking the bias with women creators on YouTube

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It has nothing to do with age. I was in my early 60s when I embarked on my journey as a coffee producer. Knowing nothing about coffee production , I was able to overcome my insecurities by just doing it. It’s never too late to start something out of your comfort zone.

Women have long fought for equality and while the road has often been filled with ups and downs, stories of women finding strength within themselves and using it to help other women find theirs has always been at the forefront of the journey towards women empowerment.

This Women’s Month, YouTube celebrated women content creators who were able to break the bias and chart their own journeys of equality in an online event titled Breaking the Bias: Online and beyond on March 30.

“The theme for this year’s Women’s Month is ‘Break The Bias’ which resonates so much with me. I myself experienced this. I felt that I had to break the biases that are attached to being a woman back in the day when I was just starting in the tech industry,” said Bernadette Nacario, Google Philippines Country Director.

“I believe that in order for us to break the bias, one of the steps we have to take is to  ‘Ask Her First’. The simple habit of asking, rather than assuming, can lead more women to realizing their full potential and succeeding in what they choose to do,” Nacario added. 

Hosted by Nikki Gil-Albert, the event highlighted the challenges women face–from body-shaming to dealing with disabilities–how they rose above it and how they encourage others to do the same.

Breaking biases online and offline

“Growing up, the beauty standard was all about being sexy and in order to be sexy, you needed to go on a diet. As a plus-size woman, I did not fit those standards,” said Helen Payawal of Helen On Fleek.

Helen On Fleek

Helen is a beauty and lifestyle content creator who runs her own clothing and swimwear line. When she became a content creator, she revealed that she often came across comments about her size and how “it’s embarrassing” seeing a person like her wearing swimsuits.

That didn’t stop her from doing what she loves–vlogging and traveling–and if that didn’t stop her, her “curvybabes” shouldn’t either.

“A lot of us felt insecure growing up. But there’s this one quote that a friend shared to me that I will never forget — ‘Be someone who you needed when you were younger,’” she said. “I want to be someone who can inspire my fellow plus-size women that once you get over the shyness and what people would think about you because you are different, you will be limitless. At the end of the day, it’s your happiness that matters.”

For Jozelle Tech, a content creator and CEO of her own brand creative consulting firm The Rolling Media, living as a differently-abled person sometimes has challenges beyond the disability itself. 

“Living as a physically-challenged person, people are prone to assumptions: that I would need help or that I won’t be able to do certain things,” Jozelle said.

Jozelle Tech

Jozelle was born with Spinal Muscular Atrophy and uses a wheelchair to move around. This has led to many instances of people talking over her or asking her companion about her instead of directly asking her.

“They think I can’t handle the conversation on my own. The crazy thing about this is I’m right in front of them,” she explained. “By approaching my companion first, I’d feel like you see me as someone unequal or incapable.”

“This is why it’s very important to educate people about the right approach or way of asking questions. Sometimes comments like ‘can you do that’ can do more harm than good,” Nikki pointed out.

This is why Jozelle, through her YouTube channel, seeks not only to inspire others like her into following their passions but also helping people to change how they treat differently-abled people.

Building a world of strong, confident women

As a Muslim Filipina, Egypa Balindong felt that while being a woman is struggle enough, being a young Muslim woman and a minority is an even bigger struggle.

“People will always question your talent, capacity, and credibility and they will discredit your achievements just because you’re a woman,” Egypa said.

She was able to turn these challenges into opportunities as the filmmaker used her YouTube channel to show her life as a Maranao, as a Muslim, and most of all, as an empowered woman.


Egypa Balindong

“I had to be brave enough to educate people about my culture and religion. By simply sharing my daily life with my friends and family, I was able to make people see that we are not different,” she said.

The world has come a long way but there is still more that needs to be done, especially when it comes to creating a world where women are empowered.

Mothers like Arra Solis (Rookie Mommy PH) play a major role in that regard. As mother to her young daughter and as a businesswoman, she has taken it upon herself to set an example that a woman can do anything she sets her mind on doing.

Before being a work-from-home mom and entrepreneur, Arra used to have a regular office job. She recalled that one of the difficulties she faced was being passed over when it comes to leadership positions or having decisions made for her.


Rookie Mommy PH

“I was never really asked first if I wanted to do something or if I’m able to do it. This is when I learned to speak up and have people listen,” she explained before adding that she wishes her daughter would grow up in a world where such challenges are no more.

“I’m hoping that we get to a place where gender, skin color, religion, etc will not hinder her from getting the career path she wanted, may it be to take on a leadership role in a company or to start a business,” she added.

Learn more about how to #AskHerFist and #BreakTheBias to create a more inclusive place for women. Listen to their stories on the Google Philippines YouTube and Facebook pages. 

“The power of the people is much stronger than the people in power”

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Photos via Steven Edward Rogers.

“Because I think the Filipino is worth crying for”. David Briscoe, February 25, 1986

people powerI felt my baby tumble with joy inside my belly as the announcement from the radio blasted out that indeed Cory Aquino was our new president. My baby is turning 34 years old just as we celebrate the EDSA People Power celebration this year. Yes, it has been 34 years since my joy came in a stream of tears. There were many reasons worth crying for: a sign of relief from the threats of a civil war, the challenges facing the new President, for the citizenry who finally showed the courage to challenge the Marcoses.

I smiled and caressed my belly, assuring my unborn baby that she will now be born in a democracy. As a new mother, I desired nothing else but peace, not the turmoil that was about to explode with the election cheating done under a dictatorial regime. Fighting the dictatorship was a struggle I fought for as a student in the state university.

Ang sarap maging Filipino.

For many years, I idolized Cory Aquino. I looked up to Cory Aquino for having the courage to fight a dictator and restore a democracy. I am forever grateful for that. Never mind if her government faced many power struggles. Never mind if Kamaganak Inc allegedly gained from her presidency. Many years in denial. It took the same daughter to shake off that “romantic affair” with the People power revolution. It is easy to romanticize while pondering at what EDSA meant.

The same daughter that somersaulted inside me 34 years ago questioned my initial support for Noynoy Aquino when I wrote the entry, Noynoy Aquino- The Gate Changer. What were his qualifications? Just because he is the son of a beloved president? I mused and perused. It took my wise daughter born at the peak of the People power revolution fever to awaken me from that stupor. I thought I knew all the answers for the future citizens of the country. Mommies can make a mistake too. This time around, I did not allow my “cory fan mode” to cloud my judgement over the euphoria of People Power. I soon got disillusioned with her presidency.

I agree that despite the people’s victory at EDSA 36 years ago, the Philippines remain beset by serious social problems. The mere changing of presidents – from Marcos to Aquino to Duterte–were not enough to change the rotten system. We should not rely solely on our leaders to achieve change.

Mommies know what is best for their children, but this time, my children knew what is best for them.

people power

Listen to your children. Discuss the issues and their future,

Mommy power is in our hands.

Yesterday marked  my blog’s 16th anniversary and this blog transcended beyond just a grief advocacy blog. The domain name, aboutmyrecovery.com not only speaks about my personal recovery.

My blog aboutmyrecovery.com now encompasses the recovery of our country and the struggles to achieve it.  It is now about a mom trying to make a difference for the future of my children and the future of my country.

“Enemies of democracy will as usual try to use the last 30 years of failed governance to downplay 1986. Not because they care about addressing the failure of both pre and post ’86 governments, but because they want us to forget that the people hold the true power to create change.”, says Diego Magallona

I hope that the current generation continues to uphold the lessons of “people power” and continue the struggle for national freedom and democracy. We should continue to intensify our collective struggle because we cannot rely on government or any politician to achieve radical, thoroughgoing change.

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

(this is an update to my post originally written ten  years ago)

Photo via Steven Edward Rogers.

25 random things about the love of my life

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I know I will embarrass my husband with this post. I wrote this list a couple of years ago but I just want to revive this for Valentine’s day. He tells me that his friends read my blog but I assure him I only write the good stuff. haha.

butch and I
For now, Let me count the ways:

1. I love the way my husband smiles across the room as I sit down and write this entry. To this day, my husband gazes at me lovingly (on random moments) as if it’s the first time he met me. As if I am the most attractive woman in the world.

2. I love my husband’s persistence. He refused to let me go when I told him that “I have had enough. I want a separation”. With courage and love, we got our second wind.

3. I love his courage to change, the way he let go of unhealthy behavior patterns as we worked on achieving our new normal after the death of Luijoe.

4. I love living with him one day at a time which requires so much faith in us. We don’t look back at the past unless healing from the past is part of today’s work. We look ahead to make future plans. We focus on this day’s activity, living it to the best of our ability.

5. I love that we sit down and laugh over our favorite show, or laughing together at the silliest things on TV.

6. I love the way my head fits nicely on his chest when we cuddle in front of the TV set.

7. I love that he does the grocery every weekend.

8. I love the warmth of his hands as we hold hands in the mall.

9. I love those random wet kisses even if I tell him “not now, the kids!”. The random display of affection in front of my horrified girls who often shriek ““Dad, Mom..no!” Their disgusted looks are priceless.

10. I love the way he took care of me at the hospital when I broke my leg and needed surgery. I had already left him that time and insisted that I live with him.

11. I love the affirmation. He assures me that I am beautiful even during those days I feel ugly or just having a bad hair day.

12. I love his frugal nature even if it means buying roses close to midnight of Valentine’s day.

13. I love our inner child moments when we play with our imaginary cats in “Neko Atsume”. It’s just good that we can giggle and let our hair down more often now.

14. I love to reminisce over our love story and the ups and downs that came along in our marriage. We like to look back and laugh at our stupid mistakes.

15. I love that he allowed me to own a pet cat knowing that he is allergic to cat fur.

16. I love the fact that he tries to treat everyday as Always Valentine’s Day.

17. I love watching the sunset with him while holding hands along Manila Bay.

18. I love our emails. I always close my email or chat with ““your loving wife”, or ““love and kisses” or ““your sexy wife” ““love you”. In turn he affirms my email with ““Dear Loving Wife..” or ends our chat ““see you , dear or I love you”. We never tire of saying sweet nothings to each other.

19. I love the daily text messages that affirms his love for me. And vice-versa, of course.

20. I love the recipe books that he regularly buys me.

21. I love the way he pretends to be shocked when I suggest something “sensual”.

22. I love random romantic moments. Buying me flowers when there is no occasion. Butch rarely buys me flowers but there are those days when he buys a bouquet just because.

23. I love our movie dates and munching popcorn. Just being there , holding hands and acting as if we are still steadies on a date.

24. I love his endearment to me which is calling me a punk. I don’t know why he calls me punk but I find it such an original endearment. I admit I can be a punk and a bitch.

25. I love that the good stuff I listed above more than surpass his annoying ways.

There are more than 25 ways my husband shows his love to me. We often say that we will love each other till eternal life. Our wedding vows are ““till death do us part” and should end there. Our belief that our son is in heaven gives us hope for eternal life. We look forward to more loving years of togetherness.

How does one cope with the Holiday Blues?

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There is nothing abnormal about having the “holiday blues,” which are more like a mood than any sort of lasting condition. Depression, anxiety, and other psychological symptoms are associated with the holidays because this season brings back memories of a happier time in our lives.

Listen to my podcast.

A few Christmases ago, I received an email from my husband about how he suddenly felt pangs of holiday blues hitting him once again. For the past years, the Christmas season has been a dreaded holiday for my husband. When he is in that mood, he can’t stand those Christmas carols, bombarding him from the car stereo, malls, restaurants and even in our own home. Like most of us, the holidays bring pleasant memories, laughter, family togetherness, the element of surprise, and lots of holiday cheer. Holiday blues hit those wishing to recapture feelings associated with past , real or fantasized past holidays.

I know my husband is not alone and thought of some of you who may feel the holiday blues.

Who gets affected by the holiday blues?

  1. Victims of disaster areas. For instance, those who lost their homes and work because of Typhoon Odette.

    Photo source: Twitter account of VP Leni Robredo. Scene is from Cebu

2. Families of overseas workers. They see other happy families who are together on Christmas day and wonder when they will be all together one Christmas day. The song, I’ll Be Home for Christmas is a classic for all those living from a distance.

3. Soldiers, doctors, nurses and medical staff who have to work on Christmas day.

4. Those who have recently lost a loved one.

5. Couples who are estranged or are apart during the holidays. Now we know where the song, Pasko na Sinta ko is dedicated to.

6. Individuals who are single and lonely and see other couples so sweet and cuddly as they walk past them.

7. Those who experience financial pressures on the holidays including purchase of gifts, clothes and party items.

8. Those who experience unrealistic expectations from friends, church or work associates to take part in seasonal activities outside of your normal routine.

9. Those who feel conflicting family expectations and demands that create guilt and resentment.

and many more who are separated from loved ones, because of death, distance and illness.

My beloved son, Luijoe and my two girls

That night I gave my husband a hug as we cuddled in bed , then told him that I have been writing the Holiday Blues and Coping and Surviving Christmas on the month of December for the past years. I fired up my browser and read those two entries to him. He smiled. “your entries are still relevant even if it is old”. What caught his attention is this portion:

You or your loved one might have a temporary spell of the blues without knowing it. There is nothing abnormal about having the “holiday blues,” which are more like a mood than any sort of lasting condition. Depression, anxiety, and other psychological symptoms are associated with the holidays because this season brings back memories of a happier time in our lives.

Then we talked of our progress the past years, especially in creating new holiday traditions, one of which was to start and take part in comforting other families in grief and even starting this blog.

I continued to cradle my husband in my arms. As I droned on and on, I suddenly heard unearthly sounds of his snoring. He must have felt some bit of comfort knowing that this too shall pass.

Not that I don’t miss my son or feel any holiday blues. I feel the pangs now and then and tears fall. I just say to myself, “this will pass. Go with the flow”. December 5 was my dad’s 13th death anniversary and I feel a tug in my heart but I also recall his booming laughter that never fails to lift my spirits.

Yes, despite the blues, it is still possible to sing ‘Tis the season to be jolly, fa-la-la-la-la.

How you can beat the blues?

First, How will you recognize you have the blues?

holiday bluesHow will you recognize you have the blues?

  • Headaches
  • An inability to sleep or sleeping too much
  • Changes in appetite that cause either weight loss or gain
  • Agitation and anxiety
  • Excessive or inappropriate feelings of guilt
  • Diminished ability to think clearly or concentrate
  • Decreased interest in activities that usually are enjoyable, such as: food, sex, work, friends, hobbies and entertainment.

Second, How does one cope with the Holiday Blues?

blue christmasHow does one cope with the Holiday Blues?

For anyone feeling blue during the holidays can follow some very basic, common sense steps to help in coping with the blues.

  • Take things one day at a time and if need be one hour at a time.
  • Try to maintain a normal routine. Keep doing your normal daily activities.
  • Get enough sleep or at least enough rest.
  • Regular exercise, even walking, helps relieve stress, tension and improve moods.
  • Eat a healthy, balanced diet. Limit high-calorie foods and junk food.
  • Avoid using alcohol, medications or other drugs to mask the pain.
  • Do those activities or things and be with the people that comfort, sustain, nourish, and recharge you.
  • Remember the healthy coping strategies you have used in the past to survive challenges. Draw on these strengths again.

What does one do to feel less blue during the Holidays

There are several things that can help in making it easier to manage the blues.

  • Determine your priorities and establish realistic goals for the holidays.
  • Delegate some responsibilities to others.
  • Take time for yourself.
  • Minimize financial stressors by setting a budget and sticking to it.
  • Enjoy free holiday activities.
  • Think about giving a free gift from your heart. Your time or your presence.
  • Be around supportive people.
  • Volunteer and help someone else.
  • Create a New Holiday Tradition.
  • Find a new place or a new way to celebrate.

Just take baby steps if all these overwhelming.

Source: Holiday Blues – Feeling Sad, Lonely or Depressed During the Holidays?

Image via steamboatcounseling.com

Suicide and Mental Illness Myths in the Philippines

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Suicide-brainart2.jpg

I started this blog so I could spread the word that the Philippines has The Compassionate Friends , a grief support group for families that have lost a child or a sibling. Aside from its primary mission to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age, it also provides information to help others be supportive. The second mission proved useful to a blogger whose friend’s sibling died of sucide. (NOTE:In my entry, Suicide:How do you say it?, ““Died of suicide” or ““died by suicide” are accurate, emotionally neutral ways to explain the death.)

What a compassionate friend she is! She took time to send me an e-mail asking my advice on how to deal with her close friend’s loss. I just told her this:

The best thing to do is just listen to her without any judgement at all. In short, just be a friend, Be there, If she wants to talk, let her talk. Listen. If you feel like crying, just cry with her. Hold her hand. Hug her. There are no words that can comfort really. Mention the loved one’s name and anecdotes if you have memories…we love to listen to stories of our loved one.

I also offered her some tips when dealing with bereaved family member or friend. True enough, just talking helped her friend and even the friend’s mother. Suicide is the most difficult topic to talk about. I know of a few suicide survivors (bereaved family members) who refuse to even say the “S” word. A trusted friend is what the suicide survivor needs in their early grief, one who is non-judgmental and compassionate. Talking helps relieve the pain.

The suicide survivor usually feels isolated and guilty for not having prevented the death one way or another. Guilt combined with incomprehension is what I think makes suicide different from any other death. It’s very hard to make any sense of it. All the Whys? and What ifs? that you can think of remain with them for such a long time. But the question remains, what causes death by suicide? Could it have been prevented?

suicide-prevention

I don’t have statistics or studies to prove that it can be prevented because there are many factors that might have caused the death (see above image). Let me just tackle one myth which is suicide ideation as a result of mental illness. These are my observations from informal discussion on the topic of mental illness and suicide.

1. There is a stigma on people who have mental illness. Heck , even some Human Resources officers frown upon job applicants and employees taking some sort of anti-depressants or mood disorder drugs. Often, these people are labelled “mentally unstable”. The fact that they are taking medicines show they are helping themselves and are less likely to be “unstable”. What is scary are the undiagnosed mentally ill persons like Charles Roberts,that milkman who killed Amish girls in a school house.

2. Oftentimes, the death was a result of a chemical imbalance that controlled the person; it was not a rational choice. Often a victim of bipolar disorder, also called manic depression, this type of depression results to drastic mood swings. They often get confused and very afraid for years before they finally give in and end their life. With the right medication and enough holisitic therapy, the mental depression can be minimized. Sometimes the medication may not even work for the patient and it’s a matter of regular visits to the psychiatrist to determine the right dose and type of medication.

3. Despair is a sin, the old folks say. Feeling gloomy, and desperate can be easily cured if one has strong spiritual faith. I don’t think so. It might help but remember, a chemically imbalanced brain isn’t wired well. “You will get over it . Don’t lose faith. Keep praying.” are often the words given to the desperate person. But God asks us to help ourselves and seek medical help.

Shame often prevents a person from seeking medical help because of this stigma towards mental illness. And even if they ask for help, the gravity of their problem is minimized as mere despair. Oh yes, I know of one death by suicide from a friend because of this reason alone.

Suicide survivors, like this blogger’s friend, will most likely struggle for many years, to find reasons why her sibling would even consider death by suicide. Were there other available options? What if one of these other options had been considered? All these questions make the grieving process last even longer. However long the process, this search for meaning, safe sharing with others and time, helps diminish the suffering. The sad fact remains that there is so much stigma surrounding death by suicide which is very regrettable. Maybe someday, a suicide survivor will discover it’s safe to share their stories with friends , families and other survivors.

Save a life. Read more on General information about suicide and suicide prevention

For Suicide Prevention Hotline in the Philippines,

The Philippines’ FIRST depression and suicide prevention hotline is now open.

Hopeline PH’s 24/7 hotlines: 0917-558-4673 (Globe)

0918-873-4673 (Smart)

02-88044673 (PLDT)

2919 (toll-free for Globe and TM)

NATIONAL MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS HOTLINE

Parents leave two legacies to their kids- one is roots, the other wings

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Parents leave behind two legacies to their children— one is roots, the other wings. It starts with being responsible parents.

voters-registration-comelec

Whenever news about a mother is sensationalized or controversial, my readers ask for my reaction. I tell them that I cannot judge on what a parent should or should not do. Like any parent, I made mistakes in the past, learned from them and never did it again. Now the next question comes up with “How do you know whether you are being responsible or irresponsible ?” How do we teach our children what it means and how to act accordingly? Ellen Schrier on “What Exactly IS A “Responsible” Parent?” gave me wonderful insights on parenting without being preachy and calls upon your better judgment, maternal instinct and being honest about your role as a parent.

Listen to the podcast episode

It is actually simple. Remember these key phrases. To be responsible means to respond appropriately.

Let’s test certain situations that you can peruse over.

What if … your two year old toddler got hold of your scissors and is about to give your one year old baby boy a hair cut? Do you watch in amusement as your toddler throws an impish smile? Does it occur to you that the appropriate response is to firmly say “No you can’t do that” and remove the sharp scissors from her hands before anyone gets hurt. Your toddler is not aware of the dangers of handling the scissors. She sees you use it to cut her hair but as a parent, it is our job to keep everyone safe.

What if … you are at a family reunion where relatives often open a bottle of wine with their dinner. Someone asks you if your 11-year-old daughter can take a little wine since the dinner is a special celebration. Your daughter is the youngest among the other family members. The rest of her cousins are allowed to drink. What is the responsible thing to do?

Well, remember the key words, to be responsible means to respond appropriately. What are the facts? Isn’t it your rule and that of Philippine laws that young children are not allowed to drink alcohol? If you allow her to drink wine, even just a sip, she gets the message that laws are negotiable. Is that an appropriate message to send to your daughter?

What if … your seven-year-old never joins you at the dinner table because he is never hungry. He prefers to snack every hour, a habit that started when he was a toddler. He looks healthy, and a overweight and you hate to argue with him. Are you being responsible in letting the unsupervised snacking continue at the expense of eating at the dinner table with the family?

Well, think about it. Is it part of your job as parent to make sure your child meets his daily nutritional needs? Of course, you nod. Is it part of your job to teach him on social skills and engage in conversations? Yes, for sure. Isn’t it your duty to check if your child does not go over his desired weight? What then would be the appropriate response? It’s pretty obvious that you have to figure out a way to break the bad habit that has been established, right? That would be the responsible (appropriate, given your role as parent) thing to do.

What if … your one year old child is restless and experiencing low-grade fever. You already took her to the pediatrician three days ago. The doctor examined her and brushed away your concerns and blamed the not-so-serious-virus. You are the person in charge of your child’s welfare. A nagging feeling inside you says something wrong. Is it appropriate to discount your own intuition? Or should you see another pediatrician for a second opinion.

What if … you overhear your 14-year-old’s friends laughing at their drunken behavior in a party last night? Would it be responsible to deny that you didn’t hear this conversation? Or, do you have an obligation to bring it out with your daughter and her friends and discuss the incident at the party? What is the appropriate response when faced with this kind of information?

Now you have an idea on being a responsible parent is. If faced with a sticky situation, ask yourself “I wonder whether I’m being responsible here.”

I believe the rules of parents are all but three. Love , Limit and Let them be. For your children to understand appropriate behavior, let them know you love them, set the boundaries, be consistent and know that you can’t be with them 24/7. There is a time to let go. What we hope most for our children is that they soar confidently in their own sky, whatever that may be.

On being a YouTube Creator (in news)

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I never imagined dabbling in video production much less being a program participant of the YouTube Creator Program for Independent Journalists. I just arrived in my hospital room after an angiogram procedure on July 15 when I checked my emails with my left hand. My cardiologist told me that I shouldn’t move my right hand until I got the clearance.

I thought, “wow, they had to inform me I didn’t get accepted”. I applied two days before the deadline, and went through an interview and heard nothing since June. I really thought I was not accepted so why was the email congratulating me. It was the second good news within one hour. First, the angiogram showed I had no blockage in my heart. Second, this news saying I am IN . Though I have a YouTube channel for 14 years now, I never made any effort to create interesting videos. I concentrated mostly on short form and long form written content. All of my videos were raw files from my coverage. Also, for the past four years, I concentrated on being a budding coffee producer. In fact, I started creating videos of our Agnep coffee farm but not for social issues.

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I couldn’t tell the good news until a blog post was released on August 5 entitled “Supporting the news industry and next-generation journalists on YouTube”

Imagine my surprise! Part of announcement :

We’re excited to announce today the selection of nearly 50 independent journalists and over 40 digital-first newsrooms across the programs. Our Creator Program for Independent Journalists aims to give the growing number of reporters publishing independently the tools needed to succeed on YouTube. And the Sustainability Lab for Digital-First Newsrooms provides support for digital native newsrooms to start and expand their video operations.

While I am happy to be one of the 50 participants, I am disappointed to be the only one in the Philippines. It would have been fun to learn from each other. Still, I am grateful to learn from my cohorts. Training started on basic video production. More will come during the year.

YouTube said that “over the course of the next year, we’ll offer journalists in the Creator Program training in industry best practices, including comprehensive sessions on video production and editing, audience development, entrepreneurship, and achieving financial sustainability on the platform. Participants will receive grants to help fuel their new video operations.”

So I am thinking of my content for the years to come. Developing a social media campaign requires a lot of thought, time and effort, especially in human rights work and social advocacy. Underrepresented stories I have covered are the victims of extrajudicial killings and the harassment of indigenous communities. The needs of our farmers, laborers and the marginalized sectors are issues I have covered and continue to write. Let me know if there are urgent issues I need to cover.

If you have been a regular visitor of my blog for the past 15 years, you would have known my journey. This latest gig is another chapter of my new normal in honor of my beloved son who made sure I had some mission to fulfill in this mortal world. This is my journey

Old Fashioned Parenting Style: What’s in or what’s still in?

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I was laughing when I saw a comment on my entry, Computer Game and Internet Addiction

i also believe that you are a old-fashioned and controlling parent. Times have changed.

The above comment is partially true . I am an old-fashioned parent, a child of old-fashioned parents but the difference is I have adapted to the times. Old fashion parenting style never goes out of fashion. Part of the parenting style needs some control of the environment our children live. Can you imagine if I allowed my children to be online 5 hours a day or watch TV all afternoon? Call me an old fashion parent if that’s the case. True, times have changed and I have my own definition of “what’s in” and “what’s out” in parenting style.

What’s in or what’s still in

1. Instill parental guidance and discipline of young kids age twelve years old and below. This is true for TV, movies, internet, games, books. Unfortunately, not all of what children learn from TV is beneficial. TV programs often present a very selective view of life, with glamor in stark contrast to the real people children come into contact with. Remember that 7-year-old boy that shot his yaya (babysitter) a few years ago? The young boy was watching his favorite TV show depicting violence when the caregiver told him to turn it off. In the kids rage, he got his dad’s gun and shot his babysitter.

2. Raise children with imagination and curiosity. Nowadays, when we enter the toy store , we see an array of toys that require batteries, have flashing lights or look like your child’s favorite movie character. We still need to fill our houses with some of the following old-fashioned items like : books, felt boards, musical instruments, blocks and legos, art supplies, kitchen play, puppets to mention a few.

3. When children hit adolescence, we should allow them to express their feelings and reach a compromise. They also need to know this is the rule today and it’s not going to change tomorrow. Consistency is really important to our children. With our girls, we set rules on party curfew times, the age when they can go dating (age 16), telephone limits, study time and household responsibilities. My husband had some difficulty adjusting to the teens fashion. Anything without a sleeve was deemed “slutty”.

Now what’s out?

1. Punishment is out of fashion. During my childhood days, my mother planted a guava tree for the purpose of using the guava branch for whipping us when we were naughty. According to her, a guava branch is resilient. Ugh, I remember those days when mom would holler to the maid “Get the guava branch.” I remember trembling like a quivering guava leaf whenever I’d hear those harsh words. I can’t remember our offense now, but the welt marks often left blood streaks on our legs. I could barely walk when that happened. It is a cruel punishment and even as a kid, I found no logic in this. Sometimes mom would pinch us for minor offenses. Another variation is using the belt or slipper. This type of punishment is terribly old-fashioned. I don’t know if parents of my generation use this type of physical punishment.

2. “Children are meant to be seen not heard” is outdated. During parties or occasion, some old folks separate the children from the adults. On one occasion, one of my daughters fumed after an uncle kept asking her opinion on a local star’s talent. She wished that her relatives would ask more thought-provoking questions on current issues, on her studies, hopes and ambitions.

There is more to this list of good old parenting style. I’m sure you have your own list. One thing remains: Old fashioned parenting style of love, guidance and discipline never changes with the time.

A letter to my son in heaven

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Dear Luijoe,

It’s been 21 years . 21 years today…

heaven

  • without seeing your impish smile,
  • without receiving wild flowers with a note “I love you so very much, mama”
  • without your gentle reminder to pray
  • without your lectures on parenting,
  • without your crazy jokes
  • without pinching your handsome cheeks

These are all vibrant memories now tucked in my heart, which I stitched back together.

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Oh yes. The tears still stream down my cheeks just like today, because I miss you terribly. Love never died, even if you are gone from my embrace. Seventeen years ago, I felt the world swallowed me up. I thought I could not live with the unbearable, gut-wrenching pain in my heart. At times, I thought I went crazy. I barely survived. I had to find that courage to live because your two sisters and dad needed me. That difficult journey left me literally with a broken heart but not too broken, because why did God give me a second wind in life to make a difference in this mortal world?

Last night I asked your dad what would I be doing right now if you were still here. Definitely not a blogger. You know I only blogged because I wanted to comfort others in pain like me. This pain that will always be part of me for the rest of my life. Look, even VeePress thought my blog dedicated to you is worthy to be an ebook.

heaven
Come to think of it, I would probably still be a stay-at-home- mom until you leave home, like your two sisters did.

I wonder if you would still lecture me on “mom…it is like this..” You and your sisters were the best teachers on parenting that books could not deliver. I learned so much.

Today, I reflect on this new life, this new normal without you. From a zombie-like existence, I chose to live a meaningful life not for myself initially, but because I knew you would have wanted me to choose happiness over misery. This new normal is not anymore for you but for myself.

My new life is so much better. I should feel guilty because I would trade my life in an instant if I could have you back in my arms. But see, I love who I am now ever since you died 21  years ago. I don’t recognize my old self. Back then, my life purpose was to be just a doting mother to you and your two sisters, apathetic to what happened outside our cozy home. How could I ever imagine a life after a death of my precious child? Impossible, but I did. It must be true that you are here with me, your spiritual presence, and just standing by me , encouraging me to move on with my new normal.

Today, I give back this gratitude for the joy of this new life I have been blessed. I hope you are proud of me. I want to be a blessing to others and to my country. I am having the time of my life yet at times face challenges in fighting for a cause like that crying boy, Kian delos Santos, human rights, and other worthy issues. The lessons of the pain brought by your death gave me courage to carry on this fight.

When the going gets rough, I just tell myself, “You can get through this. You have gone through worse. This pain is nothing compared to losing Luijoe”.

So that is how life has been, my Luijoe. Your death gave me courage to continue to fight what is right, that wherever there is life there is hope.

I miss you so much right here where I belong.

I miss for the loss of what a handsome man you would have become (almost 28 years old now, but instead you are forever six years old.).

luijoe at the cemetery

I miss the loss of the life I would have if you were here.

I miss those times you would point to that lovely blue and white house where you promised to build one for me in the future. Now that I think of it, this house you promised will come forth in eternal life, when we meet again.

flowers-from-my-boy
 For the past 17 years, visiting the cemetery, bringing bouquet and honoring your life is what we can only do.

I will soon be there by your resting place , with a bunch of flowers and a note etched in my heart “I love you so very much, Luijoe”.

Love.
Mama